Original subtitles

Cheers is filmed before A live studio audience.

[all talking at once]

[whistle]

Hey, wow, sammy.

Sam: woody, woody, jump up there And fix the tv again, will you?

[all talking at once]

Whoa, whoa!

Perfect! Perfect! Don't move!

Ah, wait a second. Wait, here.

Just a minor adjustment.

That's it!

[cheering]

I sure hope this game Doesn't go into overtime.

* makin' your way In the world today *

* takes everything You've got *

* takin' a break From all your worries *

* sure would Help a lot *

* wouldn't you like To get away *

* sometimes You wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you wanna be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you wanna be *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* you wanna go Where people know *

* people are All the same *

* you wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

Sam, here's your change.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, dear.

What?

I can't remember Whether or not

I left my stove on.

Oh, boy.

No.

It's off.

I think. Aha.

It's off.

Of course it's off.

It's on. My apartment's of fire.

Go. Go, go. Go. Still--

Oh, wait, before you go,

While you were up there At melville's,

A madame likova called--

Something about Showing up tonight with a--

A videotape And analysis?

Here? Madame likova?

Well, we'd better get This place cleaned up.

Everyone, out.

What's the big deal? Who is she? What?

Well--

Promise me, All of you,

That you won't Make fun of me.

Sam: hey. Yeah, right.

Carla, come on.

No, we, uh, we won't Make fun of you. We promise.

I've been Studying ballet.

[everyone laughing]

Sam!

You laughed.

No, no. We, just, uh,

All thought of a joke.

What joke?

You in a tutu.

Come on. What is it?

Come on, tell us All about it.

Madame likova has been Visiting boston,

And she consented To teach a class At the college.

On a caprice, I decided to enroll And I was accepted.

Our final session Entailed doing A solo performance

On videotape.

Oh, I get it.

That way, she could puke In the privacy Of her own home.

Diane, uh,

Why the sudden interest In ballet?

Oh, norman, It's not sudden.

I've had an on-again/ Off-again love affair

With the ballet

Since I was 7 years old.

I studied for a while,

Then gave it up.

Regrettably, of course.

Although I was blessed With a swanlike neck

And natural grace...

I abandoned my dream

Of becoming A prima ballerina

And concentrated instead On my career as a novelist.

Which explains why You're here in a bar Pushing beers.

Diane: ohh...

I remember the first time

I ever put on My toe shoes--

Excuse me, diane, Isn't your apartment on fire?

Oh, my god! I completely forgot!

My poor kitty!

Wait a minute.

I'm sure I turned it off.

Ssss....

Eh--eh--

Yeow!

Hi, cliff.

Hey, diane.

Hi, everybody. Sammy,

Mind if I throw these up On the old bulletin board?

Go ahead.

Better take this old one Of my down, heh?

Boy, oh, boy.

Nobody was interested

In my singles Potluck seance.

What's going up This time?

Well, you know, For years I've been saving up,

And now I finally made it.

I bought myself a snazzy Italian sports car.

Frasier: hey.

As of tomorrow, I'm going to be the owner

Of a brand-new alfredo.

Hey. All right.

But first I gotta sell off The old cliffmobile.

Wait a minute.

[clears throat]

Now, you own a 1965

Chevy station wagon, right?

Yes, sir.

This is a picture Of a rolls-royce.

What are you doing?

Uh...Read the copy There, sammy.

"Chevy--the rolls-royce Of station wagons."

Oh, come on.

Smart.

Um...

[russian accent] Excuse--excuse me.

Yeah?

I'm looking for Diane chambers.

Oh, she's not here Right now.

Oh, I'll bet you're Madame lik-likova.

Ohh! Oh, goodness, no.

No.

How madame would laugh

If she heard you Say that.

And then she would Strike me.

No, I am leeza, Her assistant.

Oh, sam malone. Hi.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Frasier crane.

Well, is madame Gonna come here Later on?

Oh, no--no.

Madame likova would never Come to a tavern.

No. I'm bringing by The tape and analysis For diane.

Normally the students Pick them up themselves,

But, well, madame likova

Can be very...Harsh,

So I wanted To soften the blow

By bringing them here Myself.

Her dancing's That bad, huh?

I am afraid so.

That is why I--I--

I wanted to Come here myself

And tell her Not to dance anymore.

Uh, but I have to Go now.

We are checking out Tonight,

And an impatient Madame likova

Is a dangerous Madame likova.

Uh, give her This videotape

And this envelope,

And tell her...

I'm so sorry.

Well, I will. Thank you very much.

Yes, thank you.

Dos vedanya.

Dos vedanya, huh?

Those russkies Can never leave

Without slipping in Some soviet propaganda.

Hey, you guys think, Uh, diane's really

That bad of a dancer?

I don't know.

I guess there's no way Of ever knowing...

Is there?

Nothing that I can Really think of.

Cliff: me...Neither.

And who knows if that vcr In sammy's office even works?

There's only one way To find out, You know.

How's that?

Get a tape And slip it Right in there.

Talk about luck.

Here's a tape right here.

Come on!

That's extremely insensitive.

Nah, it's not. No, it's not.

It's like driving by The scene of An accident.

You don't want to look,

But you just can't Help yourself.

And in this case,

You get to play it Over and over again.

[ballet music playing]

Is it working?

Yes, sir!

Ho ho!

Hey, that's miss chambers.

Why is she hopping Around like that?

Well, she's... Dancing, woody.

Get out of here!

I don't know, guys.

You know, Maybe this isn't funny.

Sam, are you looking At the screen?

Ha ha!

I'm sorry. I'm gonna...

Ohh!

[everyone protesting]

Being laughed at Is going to be the least Of diane's worries.

If she ever reads This analysis,

She's going to be Shattered.

Take a look At this thing.

Sam: oh, boy.

"Poor...Poor...

Poor...Terrible..."

How was Her attendance?

What are--I mean, What are we gonna do?

She thinks her teacher's Gonna show up tonight.

What are we Gonna tell her?

We're not gonna Tell her anything.

Madame likova Is going to write her A splendid analysis.

Can I borrow your office?

Hey, now, Wait a second, now.

Do you think this is The right way to do it?

Listen, what Harm can it do?

I mean, she said This was A one-shot deal.

Why not let her Leave it A winner?

Why would you, Her favorite doormat,

Want to make her Feel better about herself?

I hear What you're saying.

Yeah, sure, She mocked me, Debased me,

Humiliated me, Ridiculed me.

Finally left me At the altar, but...

Never really can forget Your first love, can you?

Back again.

And you'll all be Happy to know

That my oven was off.

But...I had left the milk out,

So it wasn't A wasted trip.

Uh...

Diane, While you were out,

Your dance teacher's Assistant came by.

Oh, poo.

Madame likova Didn't come?

No, no.

She got hold of A bad bowl of borscht.

Uh...

But she--she, uh,

Told us to make sure You got this.

Here it is.

Yeah.

The moment of truth.

Mm.

Oh, I can't.

Oh, come on. You're gonna have to Open it sometime.

[mumbling]

"Technique: very good. Strength: very good.

"Emotional response: Outstanding.

Flexibility: average"?

I always thought I was very flexible.

"Excellent Natural instincts."

"Soul of a dancer."

"If not for The late start,

Could have had A career in dance."

Oh, my.

Oh, I'd love to Call her and thank her.

Maybe I can still Catch her at the hotel.

Uh, no, diane. I don't think That's a good idea.

Why not?

Why not?

Why not?

Because...Uh, because...

Well, uh, you know,

She's probably packing,

And if you disturb her Right now,

She'd probably put Her work clothes in one bag

And her regular stuff In another bag,

Then if the airline Lost one of those bags,

Then either she wouldn't Be able to work

Or she'd look real goofy Out there on the street.

That's why not.

Is there something You're not telling me?

No! Ha!

No, no.

We're just, uh...

What are we doing here?

Uh...Well, we're...

Ha ha!

We're horsing around!

[all laughing]

Listen,

The fact is, We're all just Thrilled to death

About the report. Now, you go ahead And call her.

I'm outta here, fellas.

Sit down. Don't go anywhere.

Ohh...

Uh, yes. Madame likova, please.

Oh, boy.

Diane: oh, I see.

She's busy, huh?

Well, may--

Oh, madame likova.

[giggles]

Uh...

Madame likova.

[giggles]

Yes, yes.

This is diane chambers.

I'm--I'm so glad I caught you.

I--

Yes.

Yes, madame likova,

I read it. I...

Did you really mean Everything you said?

Uh, yes, I'm sorry.

I know you always mean What you say.

[click, dial tone]

Hello?

She hung up.

Well, she was never One to chat.

This is unbelievable.

I never thought I was this good.

Maybe I've been Too critical of myself.

I really don't think That's possible.

I must view my tape again,

Through madame's eyes.

Would any of you mind if--

Mind? We'd be angry If you didn't.

Oh, my friends...

I'm...

I'm so glad You're all here to...

Share this moment with me.

I tell you what.

Why don't you Come and stand

Right up close To the television here...

Oh, ok!

So you get the best Possible viewing.

And we'll just sort of Surround you behind you

So we don't distract you. All right?

Carla: hit it!

[ballet music plays]

Yes! Yes!

Look at me.

Ever since I was a child,

I wanted to dance So badly.

Looks like You got your wish.

Norman, don't you think It's time you got home

To your beloved?

No, no. It's vera's night

To howl tonight.

She's, uh, hosting A tupperware party.

Right about now They're probably knee deep

In lettuce crispers.

Vera's really Into tupperware?

You kidding?

She wants to be buried In one of those things.

I can just see The service, you know?

They lower you Into the ground,

Somebody burps The corner, And you're...

Sealed fresh For eternity, I guess.

Hmm.

Is that a sigh, diane?

I don't know.

Come on.

What's the matter? Hello?

Nothing.

You mentioned eternity, And...

It got me to thinking...

"For of all sad words

"Of tongue or pen,

"The saddest are these...

It might have been."

Yeah?

I wonder what Might have happened

If I had pursued My dream.

Who knows? I might have ended up

An accomplished ballerina.

Now I'll never know.

Yeah, that is tough.

But, uh, That's what you get For dreaming.

Didn't you ever Have a dream, norman?

No.

Not at all?

No.

You never wanted something That was out of reach?

Well, uh...

Beer nuts.

Norman...

I'm serious.

So am I. Could you just...

Everyone has dreams, Norman.

Everyone except me.

I learned early in life Not to have them.

Oh...

Yeah, I figure They're useless.

Never come true, Anyway.

Norman...

Yeah, life's tough enough Without getting yourself All worked up

Over something That's not gonna happen.

Mm-mmm.

Dreams--they just Give you heartache.

But isn't The real heartache...

Knowing that you Had the potential To do something

And you never tried?

Listen to me.

Listen to me!

Do I have Another choice?

I have the potential To be a dancer.

I still have A fighting chance

To make my dream Come true.

I'm going to send my tape To boston ballet.

You know--

In fact, I am going to drop it

In the mail tonight.

Ohh, norman!

Diane--

Oh, this is so wonderful.

Thank you so much. Mm-mwah!

Um--

I'm too excited To stick around.

You know how To lock up, right, norman?

You kidding? I'm the one Who taught you.

Right.

Good night.

Yeah.

Alone in a bar.

Maybe diane is right.

I guess dreams Can come true.

Hello, everyone.

Carla: my!

Don't you look The ballerina.

Thank you, carla.

Now, why don't you take A flying leap?

Sam...

The reason I came early

Was to tell you That I'm going to be A little late.

You're not early. You're right on time.

Oh. Well, then I'm going To be quite late.

I'm auditioning For boston ballet.

Would you mind If I warmed up?

This seems a tad high, But it might serve As a barre.

Well, it is a bar, Miss chambers.

No, woody.

When a dancer warms up,

They hold on To a barre.

That is a bar.

Frasier: if I might Interrupt here--

Please.

Diane, what audition?

Well, you know, I sent off my tape To boston ballet.

Yeah. What audition?

Well, they had the nerve To send it back unopened.

They never even Looked at it.

I think that's Patently unfair.

Is that giving art A chance?

Look, uh...

Diane, Do you think you--

Maybe you're Just not ready For the boston ballet.

Yes, I am.

I know it.

Madame likova knows it.

The only people Who don't know it

Are the people At boston ballet.

And they're About to find out.

They're rehearsing now.

They're going to see me now

If I have to do A grand jete over the gate.

Diane, I think That might be a mistake.

Why?

Don't you think I'm good enough?

Oh, no--oh, hey. Are you kidding me?

I think You're wonderful.

Hmm.

So what's the point?

Um...

Frasier, the point.

The point is...

You know...

You two have been behaving

Very mysteriously lately.

Are you planning A surprise party?

Ha ha ha ha.

You're onto us.

Ha ha ha ha!

Well, I will try To act surprised.

Well, that's great, But as I was saying, Diane,

The point is...

Well, not to make A big scene About this thing--

I'm sure The boston ballet Must have, uh,

Open auditions, You know, From time to time.

Why not wait Till then?

I've wasted Enough time already. Thank you.

Wait--diane, Wait a second here.

Uh--oh, boy.

Listen, I-I'm gonna...

Huh...

I'm gonna have to Tell you something,

And, uh, You may not like it.

You see, the truth-- The truth is that--

Sam.

I know what it is.

You're afraid Of losing me

To the world of ballet.

No, no.

See, that's not what I'm afraid of at all.

Ohh... My plucky little man.

I--I--whoo! Boy!

I'm just gonna Come right out And say this.

I hope I don't hurt Your feelings here. Um...

Please, please, Please don't do this.

Help me here, frasier.

Uh, diane, please, Please, please Don't do this.

Sam...

This is one of the most Genuine displays of affection

You've ever shown me.

With love like this In my corner,

How could I possibly fail?

Ah, well...

Mmm...

Frasier, she's not Gonna believe me.

Tell her. Come on, tell her.

Diane, diane, Just a second.

There's something I've gotta get off my chest.

Yes, frasier?

Knock 'em dead.

Thank you.

What?!

[music plays]

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me!

Man: miss, we're in The middle of a rehearsal.

Yes, yes.

And you're all Very wonderful,

But I have something I'd like to say.

Man: miss, please.

This will only Take a second.

Hold it, everybody!

[music stops]

Oh, you may put her down.

Kirby, please Show the lady To the wings.

Oh, no, no, please.

I must prove to you That I indeed belong

In your fine fraternity. Kirby!

I'm sorry, miss.

We just don't have time For this right now.

I don't have much time myself.

A dancer's career Is not a long one.

I'm sorry, but it's true.

I have a dream.

To be a dancer.

And in order for it To come true,

You must see me dance.

Oh, yes, my...

Technique is not quite As polished as it should be,

But is...That all There is to art--

Mere technique?

Or is it not the passion

And emotion and pain

That lie deep Within our souls?

Well, I have that emotion.

I have felt that pain.

I...

I am a feeling person,

And I can communicate Those feelings to you

Through dance.

So...

Judge me not by

What my arms and legs Are doing.

Judge me...

By what I make you feel.

But most importantly, Judge me.

For I must dance.

Damn it, I must!

Well...

Oh!

Thank you!

You won't be disappointed.

Oh! Oh...

Psst! Diane.

[whispering]

Never mind.

[music resumes]