Original subtitles

Cheers is filmed before A live studio audience.

Hey, sam.

Hey, woody.

Is it all right If I hang

Some christmas Decorations In here?

Sure. Boy, is it that time again?

Wow. Christmas comes earlier Every year, doesn't it?

Well, No. I think if You check, sam,

It always comes On the 25th Of december.

Of course, of course.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, look at that, Will you?

Nice rudolph.

I made it myself.

No kidding.

You know, rudolph's My favorite guy in The christmas songs.

Yeah.

Apparently, then, woody, You're unaware

That the story of rudolph The red-nosed reindeer

Is one of the most Unrealistic

And therefore Potentially damaging

In all of children's music.

It gives them A horribly distorted View of reality.

Yeah, but got to Admit it, it's Easy to whistle.

No, I'm serious.

First, the other reindeer Tease and then ostracize him,

And then when his abnormality Proves of service, They use him.

But then do they allow him To play in their stupid Reindeer games?

Yes. Yes.

No, no. I know How the song goes.

In fact, not only Do donner, blitzen, et al

Not love him And laugh out with glee,

But they doubly despised The bulbous-nosed Little wimp.

Well, I got to be off. Happy holidays!

* makin' your way In the world today *

* takes everything You've got *

* takin' a break From all your worries *

* sure would Help a lot *

* wouldn't you like To get away *

* sometimes You wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you wanna be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you wanna be *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* you wanna go Where people know *

* people are All the same *

* you wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name **

Prithee, friends, What thinks thou?

You look ridiculous.

I beg your pardon.

This is an absolutely Authentic example

Of feminine Colonial headwear.

I'm sorry.

Thou lookest ridiculous.

Hey, miss chambers, What's the pilgrim get-up for?

I was hoping Somebody Might ask.

We're going to have To talk later, woody.

My graduate american Literature professor, Dr. Narsutis,

Annually recreates The first thanksgiving Dinner at his home.

He only invites two or Three favorite students

To break bread With his family

And other Honored guests, Such as william styron,

And guess who's Going to be there.

William styron?

Yes, woody...

Heck, anybody Could have got it

If they'd really Been listening.

What a wonderful Opportunity For you, diane.

Perhaps in the evening You can establish a rapport With mr. Styron

While passing the yams.

Who knows, come pie time, He may well have taken you Under his wing

And launched you Into the literary galaxy.

Frasier, you and I Are of of like mind.

Except one of us Is kidding.

Sam, I'd thought we'd spend The holidays together,

But when you made No move in that direction,

I made these Alternate plans.

I hope it won't Spoil your holiday.

Thank you. No. I have other plans.

Oh, good. I'm glad to hear that.

And all fairness, I will understand if you Get an escort for the day.

It really wouldn't Hurt my feelings.

Good. 'cause I already have A date with wendy.

How could you?

Now you just said that It was ok, didn't you?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

It's fine.

Enjoy.

Thank you.

Besides, I know We'll have many Holidays together

When you and I Are one.

You already are one, Diane.

So, what's Everybody else doing?

I don't know. The usual.

Well, that sounds Like fun, too.

Well, I'm on my own This year.

Kids aren't with you?

No. They're in Atlantic city with nick.

This is my First thanksgiving Away from home,

I mean, Unless you count Last year.

Wait a second. Listen to you. Carla, You have a new place.

You could have A little gathering.

Forget it.

Oh, come on.

What could be More enjoyable

Than opening your heart With holiday cheer.

Opening yours With a can opener?

That sounds great.

No, I meant The first part, Miss chambers.

Well, why not?

But it's going To have to Be potluck.

Sammy, why don't you Bring your date And join us?

All right, Tell you what, Carla.

I'm good For dessert.

So I've been told.

I'm glad you're All fending off The holiday blues.

This time of year's Filled with arguments,

Suicides, murders.

Yeah, I guess It's the seasonal Happiness of others

Throws a glaring light On flaws

In our own Interpersonal Relationships.

But see, of course, That's no problem for me. I'm alone.

Want to join us For some bird, frasier?

Could I?

Sure. The more The merrier.

So, what time do you Want us there, carla?

What do you mean "Us", clavin?

Well, you know--

This party is For lonelies, Not homelies.

Besides, You'll be with Your mother.

No, no. Not this year.

She's going down And ladle out some Cream-of-something

To the folks down at The rescue mission.

Oh, how sweet.

Why don't you join her?

Are you kidding?

I did my part This year.

I was in "Hands Across america," Remember?

Ok.

Norm, how about You and vera?

No, I can't make it This year.

Why not? I mean, we've Never even met vera.

We've got to go to Vera's mother's.

Such a drag-- No beer,

No tv, heat Turned up to 80.

That's all right, Normie.

You got to do what Your little wifey Wants you to do.

You got them or you don't.

You know something, Cliff?

You're Absolutely right.

Eight years I've Been going to that Old bat's house.

I think Vera owes me one, All right?

I'm going to march In that house.

I'm just gonna say, "Vera...

"This year we're Going to carla's For thanksgiving.

That's the last I want to hear On the subject."

Yeah! Good for you, norm.

Ok, norm's out!

Count me in, all right? You'll see.

Well... My house noonish?

This is going to be The greatest!

I'm so relieved.

Now I don't worry About my poor little Thanksgiving orphans

Whilst I sup With the literati.

Boy, I don't know Who's luckier.

You 'cause you get to go To that great party

Or us because you get to go To that great party.

[tv plays]

Hey! Oh!

And that ends The first half.

This is like Being back home.

Hey, carla, look, I want to tell you

How much I appreciate You inviting me Over here.

Don't mention it.

I really appreciate it.

No, I mean, don't Ever mention to anyone

That I let you In this house.

May I change The channel

Or are you guys Watching this half Time salute

To our fabulous Universe?

Yeah, go ahead. Change it.

Oh, The parade!

And who's this Coming out way?

None other than A 60-foot mighty mouse.

All right! Mighty mouse!

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Afternoon, Everybody.

Normie! Norm!

Where's vera?

She's, uh... Going to put on A little more make-up.

That first coat Didn't really take.

She is coming, Isn't she?

Well, uh...Maybe.

What are you Saying there, Normie?

We had the worst fight Of our marriage.

Oh, gee. That's tough.

She knew how much This meant to me,

And she still insisted On going to her mother's.

So I told her, "Look, I'm going to carla's.

"You want to meet Me there? Fine.

If you want to go To your mother's, Then just stay there."

Brutal.

You know, norm, I don't think You should worry about it.

She'll probably Come to her senses And show up.

The important thing Is that you're here With us now.

This is gonna be The best thanksgiving Ever.

All right, woody.

I brought that turkey.

That turkey seems kind Of big and raw.

Think it's gonna be Ready in time For dinner?

I had planned On just a bit more Cooking time,

But traffic on I-93 Was bumper to bumper.

I-93? I took Side streets.

I got here In 35 minutes, Buddy.

You didn't Take mass avenue.

No. Commonwealth--

I swear to god--

Commonwealth runs--

I need the quickest way To get to the kitchen now.

Come on. I'll Show you where Everything is.

No waiting around For my contribution.

Here you go.

Popcorn balls.

Chow down.

Are these what you brought To the halloween party.

Yeah. They're a perennial Favorite, wood man.

Yeah, but aren't these The ones you brought to...

[doorbell rings]

Let me.

Hi.

Hi, sammy. I thought You were vera.

Boy, I can't wait To meet her.

Hey, sammy.

How are you, sam?

Where's your date?

Aw, well, Change of plans.

Her sister showed up From out of town.

They didn't like my idea.

So what the hell.

Hey, guys.

Hey. Yeah.

Watching. Great.

You know, The important thing Is that you're here now.

We're all here. This is Gonna be the greatest.

Who needs family?

Woody, You're right.

Family is not Necessarily limited

To blood relations.

That's right.

It's better than hanging Out with a bunch of Dingbat cousins

All day long That you don't see But once a year.

Or waiting for some Nutty old aunt

To show up And spoil all your fun.

[doorbell rings]

Gobble, gobble.

[doorbell rings]

Carla, Open the door.

No!

It's thanksgiving. Carla.

Oh, ok.

Maybe she'll choke On a drumstick.

Thank you, carla.

Hello, everyone.

Hey, Miss chambers.

Hey, uh...

Diane.

Carla, I like what you've Done with the place.

What do you want?

Well, I decided I'd rather Be among friends

Than with my stuffy Old professor.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

What happened?

Oh...

Come on.

I'm afraid My golden afternoon

Turned to dross.

I thought it was Clouding up.

The moment I arrived At the home of My professor

I was greeted by a man With a clipboard

Who handed me a tray

And told me To serve the daiquiris To miss radziwill.

Oh.

We students were invited As domestic help.

Heh heh heh!

It might be all right

When you're A wide-eyed 19-year-old,

But it's not ok When you're...Not.

We're all Very sorry, diane.

Thank you, sam.

At least you told That pinhead off, Didn't you?

Oh, I dropped the tray, Burst into tears,

Took a moment to Freshen up my mascara,

And fled.

The important thing Is you're here now.

This is gonna Be great.

Somebody put a gag On andy hardy.

If I were you, I'd call That guy

And nail His sheepskin To the wall.

You're Absolutely right.

Better yet, Why don't you Go on over there

And tell him In person?

Yeah. Yeah.

Good idea.

Hello. Dr. Narsutis? This is diane chambers.

Yes, the one who fled.

Listen--I beg Your pardon?

Well, yes, of course I accept your apology.

He's invited me back.

Go. Go.

Best thing that Could happen.

Dr. Narsutis, I'm sorry. I can't.

I'm here With my friends, My support system,

And there's really No place I'd rather be.

I trust this won't Affect my grade.

Thank you.

Good day, sir.

Turned him Down, huh?

Now that I Find myself

In the warmth Of your company,

How could I possibly go?

The street.

I-93.

You holiday Hooligans,

Give me a beer.

So, sam--thanks.

Where's your date?

Oh, change of plans.

Her sister showed up.

Of course she did.

Chortle, chortle.

No, I'm serious.

I had a date, And it fell through.

You don't have To convince me. I believe you.

I'm telling you The truth.

And I love you for it.

How's the turkey Doing there, norm?

I'd say pretty good For about five minutes.

Half time's over. The game's back on.

Oh, you're Watching sports?

Don't worry About it.

Game's almost over.

Oh, I hope so.

I deliver his mail.

Isn't this game Over yet?

Not yet.

Well, their uniforms

Are different colors Than before.

They got To change them

Every time they Score a touchdown.

Normie, where the hell's That bird?

It's a big turkey.

So are you.

Now wait a minute!

Diane, you're Absolutely right.

Let's turn it back On football, guys.

No, no, no! Enough is enough!

I don't think Watching television

Was the pilgrim's Original intent

When they created The holiday.

Well, uh...

No, hey...

Come on!

Look, look, look. The turkey's probably Almost done.

Let's adjourn To the dining room.

Wonderful idea, norman. Wonderful.

Ok. We'll be sitting Boy, girl, boy, girl.

Clavin, You can sit anywhere.

Somebody Save me a seat.

I got to see a man About a horse.

He doesn't really Have to see a man About a horse.

Yes. All right.

What do you say We dig into this Jell-o surprise here?

Uh, uh, uh, uh!

We're not eating Until the turkey's On the table.

Everybody went to A lot of bother to Make this fine meal.

We're not gonna eat It in pieces.

Keep your hands Off the food.

Listen, guys, the Turkey's not exactly Browned just yet.

So, what color Is it, then?

Off-white.

I reset the timer And turned up the gas.

I expect the little pop Thing will be popping Out any time now.

I hope in a hurry Because I'm starved.

Well, I suggest We take advantage Of the delay

And engage in one of my Family's favorite little Thanksgiving traditions.

Sam, I know you're standing In the hallway. Get in here.

Rats.

In lieu of grace,

We stand up And take turns

Toasting That for which We are thankful.

Since you're already Standing, sam, why Don't you begin?

All right. I'm, uh...

I'm thankful That I...Have a super car

And a cool stereo

And that I'm not dressed In a pilgrim's outfit.

You make a mockery Of everything.

Oh, well...

Hey, can I go next?

I don't see a line.

Woody! Woody! Woody!

Woody! Woody! Woody!

Uh...

I'm thankful I'm an american.

Hey, all right.

I'm thankful For the upbringing My parents gave me.

I'm thankful For the all friends I've made in boston.

And I'm thankful That I can do this.

Yo!

Put it away! Whew!

Man!

Can you guys do this?

Oh, my god!

That makes my thing Look kind of stupid.

Look at me Wiggle my ears. Watch this.

Look at these Ears flapping.

Please, please!

We are not here to be Thankful for strange things

We can do With our bodies.

Norman, you're next.

I'm thankful there's A turkey in the kitchen That needs to be checked.

Yeah, get The damn thing Out here!

All right.

I guess I need to Give you an indication What I had in mind.

I, too, am thankful For my health and For my dear friends,

But on this Very special occasion,

My mind goes back Over the years To the people

Who have influenced me.

I'd like to name Some for you.

Teilhard' dechardin...

Georges sand...

Caravaggio...

Oh, emily dickinson...

The buddha...

Frank lloyd wright...

Jeanne d'arc...

Shari lewis And lambchop...

Guys, listen, I'm having A slight problem

With the damn bird.

What color Is it now?

I think We're moving into The earth tones.

This better Be good news.

Look, I'm sorry, guys.

The little Pop thing Won't pop out.

Something's Wrong with it.

Something's Wrong with you.

No, no. It's the little Pop thing.

Could somebody Please explain to me

Where the little Pop thing is on the turkey?

'cause maybe it's Different in the city,

But in the country Where I come from,

Turkeys aren't born With little pop things.

The little pop thing Has a name!

It's called A thermometer!

Now, can we All please say Thermometer?

Thermometer! Thermometer! Yeah!

We can say it 'til we're blue In the face.

It's not gonna Make it pop out Any faster!

I think something's Wrong with Your oven, carla.

Hey, my oven was just fine

Until you stuffed Birdzilla inside!

Come on, you guys. Come on!

We don't have to Bite each others' Heads off here.

It may be the only thing We get to eat this day, sammy.

Hey, guys, This is thanksgiving.

I still say It's gonna be The greatest.

Who the hell do we Think we're kidding?

We're all a bunch of Pathetic dropouts...

Scorned by Our loved ones,

As if anybody ever Loved us at all.

Will you lighten up, Man?

The only thing wrong Here is we're hungry.

Now, who else wants To join me In these...

Ice cold potatoes?

They'll go Great here with The jell-o soup.

I'm dying to try

Some of The hair growing On the crudites.

Well, pass me My peas.

I made them, So I know they're ok.

Was that remark Directed at me?

No. It was directed At your stupid turkey

And your stupid Stuffing

And your stupid gravy!

What's wrong With my gravy?

Nothing! Except You could walk across The skin on top of it!

I'm sorry, Julia child.

Here's your Perfect peas.

Oh, look. I spilled one. Sorry.

Thank you.

Norm, I'm sorry About what I said

About your gravy.

All right.

It's ok.

So are the carrots.

Anybody want Some of these, Uh...Lovely yams?

Woody, would you Care to test The gravy skin?

People, people, People, people!

Stop this immediately!

I have Never been witness

To such a silly, Soph--

Sam malone...

Kiss your butt good-bye!

See? I knew this was Gonna be the greatest.

Good bird.

Hey, diane, May I say

You look saucy In cranberry.

Laugh while You can, sam.

Just remember That revenge

Is a dish Best served cold.

You won't know When and you won't Know where,

But I'm going To get you.

Now that we've eaten,

I'd like to make a toast

To our loved ones who Weren't fortunate enough

To be here with us.

That's A nice thought.

Uh...Mom, dad, Uncle fergie.

My kids.

All right, vera.

Ma.

Coach.

Yeah! Hear hear.

Oh, god Bless you all.

Well, I think We're about ready For dessert.

Yeah.

Everybody Get eat enough?

I never got a Chance to try The potatoes.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, well, Here, let me...

Thank you.

Norm: vera, you came.

Honey, I'm so happy.

Hey, you guys.

Come on, vera, come on And meet all the guys.

This is great-- We finally get To meet vera.

Sam...Think fast!

[splat]

Everybody, This is vera.

Charming friends, norm. Get your coat.

Yes, dear.