Original subtitles

Cheers is filmed Before a live studio audience.

Why don't you wait? I'll get our coats, Ok?

Hope to see you Again soon.

Thank you, miss.

Oh, great.

I can't even Read that check.

Well, I'm so sorry

If my handwriting Isn't up to your

High and mighty Standards,

But some of us Don't get To sit around

On our buns all day And practice Our penmanship.

Some of us have To go out and Earn a living.

Here are you, glasses, dear. You left them in Your coat again.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Let's go.

Oh, hey, um, I'm really sorry.

I--I...

I don't know What to say

Except I had a bad day.

Ohh. Yeah, Sure, carla.

Bad day?

Bad life's More like it.

A house Full of kids, This crummy job.

If I keep treating My customers This way,

I'm gonna lose Even that.

Uh, here you go.

I hope things will Start looking up.

Oh, no, no, No, I couldn't.

Not the way I treated you.

No, please, Please, please.

We insist.

10 bucks?

Excuse me, miss.

You forgot to Give me a napkin.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know What to say,

Except I've had A really bad day.

Bad day?

Bad life Is more like it.

* makin' your way In the world today *

* takes everything You've got *

* takin' a break From all your worries *

* sure would Help a lot *

* wouldn't you like To get away *

* sometimes You wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you wanna be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you wanna be *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* you wanna go Where people know *

* people are All the same *

* you wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name **

Yep, hey, everybody. Guess what?

Today marks the beginning Of my seventh year

As a u.S. Postal carrier.

All right, woody, I think that calls

For a little drink On the house. What Do you think?

I think you're right, Mr. Peterson.

Yeah? What the hell? Give cliffie One, too.

Yeah. Imagine that.

Seven years carrying The old bag around.

I know the feeling.

It's quite An achievement, Huh, cliffie?

Oh, yeah? Look who's talking.

Ok, all right, I know some people Around here

Who don't exactly think That I'm an overachiever,

But I tell you, I don't plan to go To my grave

Until I've made Some sort of impression On this world.

I say you've already Made a deep one.

I plan on leaving Something behind

For the world To remember me.

Yeah?

And here it is.

It's a glass Of windex, woody.

No, it's a drink,

And woody boyd is gonna Become the next jim sheehan.

Who?

So you've heard Of the inventor

Of the fish house punch.

Can't say we have, Wood,

But then again We don't get out That much.

Well, I'm calling mine The blue boyd Of happiness.

Can I tempt you?

Not bad.

Really.

Whoa, hey, That's delicious.

Now all I got to do Is fill out these forms

And register With "Bartenders Monthly magazine,"

And my name will be A household word.

Yeah. Doorknob.

Hey, sam, you Want to try My new drink.

Woody, I can't Touch that stuff. I'm an alcoholic.

You are?

I'm sorry. I thought you knew.

Yeah, I drank myself Out of baseball And out of a marriage.

Gee, that's hard To believe.

It's true. Right, gang?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

No, no, I believe You were a drunk.

I just didn't know You've been married.

Hmm. Pretty good Blue moon.

It's already A drink?

Aw, don't feel Disappointed there, woody.

Every combination In the world has been Done to death by now.

You couldn't possibly Invent anything new.

[telephone rings]

Hey, woody, Gin and tonic.

Aw, somebody's Already invented that.

No, you horseshoe. I'm ordering one.

Oh, no! Really?

Tonight?

Oh, I can't wait.

Yes, thank you.

Ha! I have the most Exciting news, everyone.

Tonight, I'm eating Dinner at the café.

Ah, gee, that's Pretty exciting.

Tonight, I'm driving Home in the car.

See, Actually, sam,

The café is one Of the trendiest Restaurants.

Eating there is considered To be rather a coup

Among certain self-important And pretentious circles.

Congratulations, diane.

If this place Is so hot,

How come they can't Think of a better Name then the café?

Oh, carla, if you had Any sense of style,

You'd know that A simple name

Connotes the very Best of taste.

You're right About that.

There's this joint Out on route 1 Called eat.

Don't miss it. It's great.

Darlene and I can't Make up our minds

Whether to have some Chili or a hamburger.

Maybe this café joint Sounds just like the ticket.

You have the number there?

Ha ha ha ha!

What? What's The number? What?

Pardon Mon laughter, sir.

This is not The sort of place

You just call and Make a reservation.

My dinner companion Is a brundage.

Even with that pull, He had to wait 3 months for a table.

Woo! Jeez. I wonder how long He had to wait for the chairs.

Look what I'm dealing with.

You consider food As a fuel,

To be Salted down heavily,

Covered With ketchup,

Stuffed In your mouth,

And on A good day, chewed.

What I'm trying to say Is you couldn't possibly Get a reservation

At this late hour.

Diane, I can get A reservation

In any restaurant I want.

The name sam malone

Still carries a little Clout in this town.

Very well, sam.

Let's give it a try.

Allow me to call The café.

Well, now, I'm not even sure I want to go there.

Afraid, sam?

They have not built The restaurant

That can scare me.

Uh, yes. Hold on, please.

Um, hello.

I'd like to make A reservation please.

Nothing tonight?

Well, this happens To be sam "Mayday" malone,

Formerly of the red sox.

Well, yeah, That'll be fine.

Well, let's say 8:00.

Thank you very much.

All right, sammy, You got it.

Sure did.

When, next march?

No, next february.

Well done, sam.

God, I hate it When she's right.

You didn't want To eat there anyway, sam.

The waiters pride themselves On rudeness the portions Are too small,

And it's Exorbitantly overpriced.

You couldn't get in Either, huh?

Not 'til april.

Well, I certainly Hope diane Had a big lunch.

Hi. I'd like to Cancel a reservation For tonight, please.

The name Is brundage.

Party of 2.

Yes, that brundage.

Thank you.

Ah, ah, ah, sammy.

Canceling diane's Reservation.

Heart of stone.

I love it.

Hi. This is Sam malone again.

I was just wondering If you might Have had

A surprise Cancellation For tonight?

What do you mean you Don't? You must have. I just...

No, no, never mind. Never mind.

Boy, I'd sure love To waltz into That joint tonight

Just so I could see The look on her face.

If it's that Important to you, sam, Give me the phone.

If julian weinstein, My good friend,

Can't get you in, Nobody can.

Who, the heart Transplant wizard?

One and the same. Yeah. We went to Prep school together.

He's a well-known gourmet.

Why would he Want to do this For me, though?

He'd love to Do me a favor.

We dissected Our first frog together.

Hello, julian. Julian, hi.

Frasier crane.

How are you?

Crane.

C-r-a-n-e.

Yes, yes. Dr. Frasier crane. All right, fine.

Listen, I was wondering What you know about--

No, it's a-n-e!

Skip it!

I tell you, you open A few thoraxes,

And you forget Who your friends are.

It's beautiful.

A feast for the eyes And the palate.

Ah, that must be Our table.

Uh, the brundage Party.

Brundage.

Ah, brundage.

You canceled.

That's impossible.

I made The reservations Over 3 months ago.

Well, obviously, There's been some mistake.

The best we can do Is give you the next Available table.

And when Might that be?

If all goes well, Perhaps...Tonight.

Perhaps?

Jordan, don't make A fuss, please.

We'll straighten This out.

He's sorry.

Dr. Weinstein, Your table's ready.

Excuse me, miss.

I don't believe it.

Neither do it.

I was this close To dr. Julian weinstein.

That's not Julian weinstein.

That's the man Who stole our reservation.

That's not Julian weinstein.

That's an imposter.

Ask him for his I.D.

Ask him to spell I.D.

Do you know What to order In a place like this?

Oh, yeah.

My friend frasier Read a review About the menu.

He coached me. No problem.

Dr. Weinstein.

You swine.

It's one thing to Pretend to be

Somebody else On the phone,

But convincing Others that you're A sophisticated gourmet

Is a little bit more Than you can handle.

You're going To blow it, sam.

You're going to be Embarrassed

In front of some of The most important People in boston.

And then You're going to Slink out of here

With your curly Little swine tail

Between your legs.

You don't think I can handle This, huh?

Well, just watch.

Excuse me. We'd like to start off

With bouchee pomme De terre fromage

Followed by a salad maison,

And for our entree,

We'll have two foie D'anguille ravalais.

Thank you so much.

Good, sam. That Was your busboy.

I knew that.

He's got lips. He can tell the waiter, Can't he?

Bon appetit, Dr. Weinstein.

Who's miss grumpus?

Excuse me.

You aren't Dr. Julian weinstein, Are you?

Uh, yes.

This is Really an honor.

I'm Dr. Peter fisher.

Oh.

Nice to meet you.

I had no idea You were so young.

Well, I skipped A few grades in med school.

You got to have A sense of humor

In this line of work.

Say, if you'll Indulge a little Shop talk,

Where did you come Up with that concept

Of combining Anthethymocyte Globulin

With cyclosporonade To combat tissue Rejection?

On the beach.

Gotcha. Nice meeting you.

Excuse me, Dr. Weinstein. Here we go.

Our chef claude Would like to say hello.

He met you while he was A chef at le ronde. Do you mind?

Oh, uh, Well, actually--

It won't take that long.

Grab your purse, We're leaving.

Dr. Weinstein, So good...

You're not Dr. Weinstein.

Yes, I am.

Perhaps you hadn't Heard about my accident.

Why, no, I didn't.

Oh, yes, yes, uh...

Terribly disfigured.

Uh, thank god For plastic surgery.

I'm so sorry.

But they've done A wonderful job.

You look much better.

And taller.

Traction. It, uh...

Well, nice to see You again.

You, too.

Wow, you pulled it off.

That's pretty smart.

Yeah, well, Of course, I'm smart. I'm a doctor.

Right.

All right.

Whiskey, vermouth, Bitters--

That's a paddy Cocktail.

Gin, vermouth, Grapefruit juice--

That's a palm beach.

Oh, wait a minute.

How about gin, vermouth, And black coffee?

That's Paint remover.

All right, I'll try something else.

Great. I'm out of limes.

Don't panic. Sam always keep Some extras around.

Where?

Call the doctor And find out.

Telephone for Dr. Weinstein.

Oh, uh...

It's a dr. Woody.

He's in the middle Of surgery

And he says He needs your opinion.

Thank you.

Hello.

Well, what, You're out of them?

Look, just check In the box right Next to the scotch.

Tape. Scotch tape.

We--sometimes we run Out of stitches

And have To improvise.

Thank you, Dr. Woody.

Dr. Weinstein.

My date needs Medical attention.

Can you help?

My food Just arrived.

Well, I'm a doctor.

Sit down.

I want the world-famous Heart surgeon, Dr. Julian weinstein.

Well, of course, I bow to his Greater skill.

No, go ahead, fisher And give him a shot.

He's having Chest pains, doctor.

Oh, well, Why don't you time them

And see how far Apart they are.

All right. I'll give him A look see, I guess.

Right this way, Doctor.

Everything will Be all right. Don't worry.

What are you doing?

You're ruining My dinner.

Ruining your dinner?

Ruining your dinner?

Everybody now.

Sam, this is the cruelest Thing you've ever done.

Yeah, well, what About the crummy Thing you did to me

Earlier today making Me feel like A big nobody?

I apologize.

I spoke irrationally.

You're not a nobody.

Now, will you and your date Kindly leave

So that jordan and I Can have our rightful meal

And the 2 of you can Sashay over to the colonel's Across the street?

Will you excuse me?

My meal Is getting cold.

Now wait...

Well, we may have A long wait Ahead of us,

But we're Going to stay Until we get seated.

No. You're going tostay Until you get seated.

Right about now, A bucket of extra crispy

Doesn't sound half bad.

Ok, dr. Crane, Just drink up.

Woody, please, You promised you'd stop

After the rum and trail mix.

That wasn't a drink. That was just something To cleanse your palate.

Now, come on here.

My god, woody!

That bad, huh?

No, no, it's terrific.

Here. Try this. I've never had Anything like it.

All right!

Oh!

Oh, yeah!

This one gets you In the cocktail Hall of fame.

So what's in it?

Yeah, What's the secret recipe?

Well, it's two parts...

Your change, Dr. Weinstein.

Thank you Very much.

Hoo, boy.

Remember The good old days

When you could spend $200 for a meal

And then still Have enough change To buy a mint patty?

Ah...

Paul. Memorable.

Aw, gee.

Aah!

Madam, we've had our Last seating.

I'm afraid We won't be able

To accommodate you This evening.

Oh, paul, could I speak to you For a minute?

I'll meet you Outside.

Listen, it would be A great personal Favor to me,

Dr. Julian weinstein,

In fact, To the entire Weinstein family

And pretty much To doctors all Over the world,

If you could Make sure she Gets some food.

Well, if you'll agree

To honor us with Your presence again, Dr. Weinstein,

I'll see To it personally.

Well, I appreciate that.

Enjoy, diane.

Thank you. I intend to.

Thank you. This will do nicely.

Would you like To hear our menu?

Thank you, no. I've memorized it.

I'll have The tournedos rossigni.

I'm sorry. We're all out of that.

Then I'll have The jambon farci Et braise.

Once again, I'm sorry.

Let's attack this From another direction.

You tell me What you have left.

Fricadelle de veau A la nicoise.

Great. I'm in A fricadelle mood.

Hi.

What are You doing here?

Well...

I'm still hungry, Actually.

What happened to...

Darlene?

I put her in a cab And sent her home.

You don't have to Do me any favors.

I'm not doing you any favors. I'm really hungry.

May I join you?

I don't care What you do.

Well, thank you.

Thank you, sam.

You're welcome.

Doctor. Ah, paul.

Can I get You anything?

What do you have?

Anything for you, Dr. Weinstein.

Ah, well...

You know, I just can't Make up my mind.

Why don't you have My dear friend claude Mix me up something special.

Very good.

I really do appreciate Your coming back, sam.

You're sweet.

No, no, it's not sweet.

I did it for myself.

I was feeling guilty Out there, and I don't Like to feel guilty.

Well, that's sweet In itself.

Well, we'll see How sweet you think it is

When I have you pay For your own meal.

Madam.

Doctor.

Everything Was delightful

And well worth The wait.

Yes, I enjoyed it Very much.

I'll be Right with you.

Say, I seem to be running A little short on cash...

You know, sam...

I think it was a Was really good idea

You had about us Going dutch.

You see, this way We don't feel

That we owe each Other anything.

This is not funny. This could be very Embarrassing for both of us.

Please...

Why? I've Already paid For my meal,

And I'm leaving.

Good night, Dr. Weinstein. See you in surgery.

Hey, I'm serious.

Come on, don't do this!

Is there A problem, doctor?

No, no problem At all.

I'll just use My credit card Here.

Very well.

Dr. Weinstein, This appears to be

The credit card Of a mr. Sam malone.

Let me see that.

Well, I'll be darned.

You know, I must have Switched wallets

With this Malone character.

You know, I bet it happened At the club.

Yes, it did. I remember him now.

A baseball player-- Malone.

You ever Heard of him?

No.

Why don't you Put it on this Credit card anyway?

I'll take malone guy Out to dinner Some other time.

I'm afraid not.

All right, I don't Suppose you take a Personal check, do you?

And whose name Would be on that?

Ok, well, Let's try this then.

Oh, my god! Look at the size Of that cat!

Hey, you! Come back here!