Original subtitles

Cheers is filmed before A live studio audience.

So grab your rod, reel, And join us next week

When jim takes us trolling On lake winnipesaukee.

Nice show, eh?

If you ask me, There's something wrong

With watching Televised fishing.

Not the same impact As watching It live, huh, woody?

Hey, you know something? I got a great idea.

What's to stop us

From taking a little Fishing trip ourselves?

We don't want to?

Come on, it would be fun, You know?

We could this very Afternoon, head out To lake winthrop.

What do you say?

All right, ok, all Right, let's Get organized here.

Woody, you be in Charge of bait and Tackle, ok? Gotcha.

Cliffie, In charge of food And transportation.

What are you in charge of, Mr. Peterson?

Finding a reason Not to go.

Ah, here we go.

Gladiator Film festival At the majestic.

Hey, that's a good one.

* boom boom boom *

Degustibus nomnis Depandem!

* makin' your way In the world today *

* takes everything You've got *

* takin' a break From all your worries *

* sure would Help a lot *

* wouldn't you like To get away? *

* sometimes You wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you wanna be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you wanna be *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* you wanna go Where people know *

* people are All the same *

* you wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name **

Hi, sam.

Hi. Oh...

Some customer was In. Some tickets To some concert.

Sounded foreign And dull.

I thought you Wouldn't want To miss it.

Thank you.

Jean-pierre rampal?

It was just some Customer. Didn't really Catch his name.

He's a flautist.

Nothing less Than brilliant.

No other player Could so eloquently fuse

The world of Classical music

To that of Modern jazz.

What a perfect Performer For us to see

On this, our First official Date together

In our newfound Relationship.

What should I wear,

Something long Or tea length?

Why don't you wear something You can stretch out in.

The seat next to you Is gonna be empty. Sam.

Come on, please, Can't you scrape Somebody else up to go?

Please.

The operative word There is "Scrape."

There's only One man I want To be with.

No, no. I'll go alone.

It'll be fine.

Miss chambers, I might be back

From my fishing trip In time to take you

If I don't stop To clean up first.

No, thank you, woody. That's very sweet.

Maybe next time.

Okey-doke, But I don't know

When I'm gonna Be going Fishing again.

Cliffie, it was Not 10. I had 11 of them. 11.

You're wrong, normie. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

How was the gladiator Film fest, fellas?

Not now, sammy.

We're awash In controversy.

You had 10, norm, Just like me.

10 what?

Anachronisms. Huh?

Those things that aren't In the time period

In which the film was set.

I mean, I like to see Who gets the most.

Today it was me. 11.

Normie, you had 10 Just like me.

There was no way Was caesar augustus Wearing reeboks.

So, you guys ready To go fishing?

We got to, you know, woody, Couple beers first.

You know, I worked up A powerful thirst

Watching thracian dogs Smite spartan pigs.

Greetings, everyone.

Hey, frasier, How about a beer?

Well, sam, just make it A club soda.

I've got to appear On tv today. I want To keep my wits about me.

Oh, my.

No kidding? What's the Tv show?

It's a local talk show called Psychology this week.

Maybe you've heard of it.

I know all about That show.

It's where once A week a couple of Shrinks get together

And debate Certain aspects

Of the Psychological Condition.

That's right.

Man, we had to pick Today to go fishing, Huh, cliff?

I'm surprised. I didn't know You were a fan.

Well, he was, But stopped watching

When they lost The hostess with The big hindenburgs.

It's on at 4:00.

It promises to be Very cerebral

And, I might add, Darn entertaining.

Unfortunately, Frasier, it Interferes with

Another highly Cerebral event,

The raiders/patriots Game.

Yeah, right.

I realize that Football's a rarity

On television In the fall,

But don't you think We could spare Half an hour

To see our friend Frasier?

Do you have any idea How much action You can miss

In a half an hour Of football?

About 18 seconds.

Oh, all right, All right.

I guess It won't hurt. Much.

Thank you, sam.

[telephone rings]

Cheers.

Yeah, hold on.

You want to tell me What the taxicab doing

Parked in front of The temple of athena?

All right.

It was probably Taking demetrius To the airport.

Well, thank you.

As it turns out, You can now Watch your game

With a clear Conscience.

I won't be doing That show after all.

What changed your mind, Frasier?

Well, dr. Foster Had to cancel,

And dr. Sternin Is going to take his place.

Lilith sternin?

You mean that--

Pardon my french--

Woman You once dated?

That's a rather charitable Description, cliff.

I just hope they can find Someone to replace me

As readily as they did Dr. Foster.

Can't handle Debating a woman, Eh?

A woman, yes.

An ice cube In heels, no.

Look, I have not intention Of entering a debate Those cold, gray eyes

And those clever Smirking lips.

I'd rather clip my nails In a cuisinart.

Oh, my!

What's wrong?

Don't you see? Frasier's in love.

He's what?

Oh, come on, sam. You're forgetting

I was once romantically Involved with frasier.

I know when He's enamored Of someone.

Didn't you see His nostrils flare?

And everyone knows

That hate's not The opposite Of love,

Indifference is.

Whatever you say. I really don't care.

Touche,sam.

Let's be honest.

Quite often you've Expressed feelings

Of antagonism Towards me,

And we both know how Much you love me.

I do not love you, Diane,

And I have The nostrils To prove it.

You're wrong About frasier.

I mean, I know psycho-babble When I hear it,

And I also--

Frasier...

There's a theory Going around the bar

That you're ticked off With dr. Sternin

Because you're In love with her. What do you think?

Well, it sounds like Someone who doesn't know Shortcake from shinola.

Hey, good guess. Good guess, diane.

Oh, well, that's nothing But mere cocktail-party Psychology.

Believe it or not, sam, It's actually possible

To have hostile feelings Toward someone

Without being in love With them.

You mean I can actually Hate diane

Without having it Mean anything more Than I hate her?

Feel free.

I better cancel That appearance

Before it's too late.

Uh-oh. Frost warning.

Good afternoon, Dr. Crane.

Dr. Sternin.

What a lovely Surprise.

I hope I can regard That as civility in light Of today's situation

Rather than sarcasm At my expense.

No, that was completely At your expense.

I wasn't going to do Today's show

When I heard You were the other guest.

But then I realized I'd relish proving

My superiority over you In public.

Yes, That appeals To me, too.

So I felt we should At last discuss some Procedures of conduct.

Don't you dare.

My mistake. So am I To assume

That you just Naturally Thought

That I'd be At this drinking Establishment?

Actually, knowing your Obsessive compulsiveness,

I checked With your service,

And indeed you'd left them A very complete itinerary Of your day.

I trust All went well

At the dry cleaners?

Thank you, yes.

I can assume From your Questioning

That you're Attempting to make Idle conversation

Rather than Articulating

Some controlled Dysfunction with My personal habits.

That's correct.

Are they fighting?

First of all, I think any mention Of our past relationship

Could tarnish The objectivity factor Of the show.

You call that A relationship?

I mean, We dated One time.

The closest We came to Physical contact

Was when you Closed the car Door on my hand.

Are you repressing?

Oh, forgive me. Actually you're quite right.

Yes, I should be Straightforward In telling you

That you are passionless, Stoic, and emotionally numb.

Apology accepted.

Merci.

I'm sure They're fighting.

He just Asked for mercy.

Secondly, I think perhaps--

Dr. Sternin, If you'll excuse me, I have to cash a check

And fill up my gas tank Before the show.

Yes, I know.

Have the attendant Make sure your tires

Aren't as inflated As your ego.

You know, You perplex me.

Oh?

Yes, normally, people Of your limited Physical appeal

Make up for it with An actual personality.

Dr. Sternin, Excuse me.

I overheard Dr. Crane's remarks.

If it's any consolation, I can empathize with Your hurt feelings.

If you'd like To share them any Of them with me

As a fellow woman, I'd consider it an honor.

Who are you?

Diane chambers.

I'm an old friend Of dr. Crane's,

A student, and until My imminent marriage,

An employee at cheers. Please, let's sit down.

Well, I suppose I am just a little Sensitive

When it pertains To my appearance.

Well, if I may be so bold As to step into your arena,

I believe that Frasier's hostility

Is masking A deep attraction to you.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, Mm-hmm.

Thank you, diane.

It's been A long time

Since I've had Such a good laugh.

Why would frasier Crane be attracted To me?

I'm not That kind of woman.

But you can be.

It just takes a little Softening of the edges.

Perhaps loosen the bun a bit To release some of the tension In your face.

I'm afraid It's not as easy As all that.

That's nonsense.

Look, I'm not Far from here.

Why don't you Come over to my place,

And I'll show you What I mean.

We'll just put A little more make-up on...

Or...Some.

I really don't think I can do that.

Come on, dr. Sternin. You're going to be on Television today.

A little refinement Of your appearance

Might give you an edge In the debate.

Well, I suppose It wouldn't hurt.

Good, good. Let me Get my things.

Sam, may I have My purse, please?

Oh, and I'm going To be taking my Lunch a little early today.

Thank you for Showing up at all.

You're welcome.

Shall we go?

You know, I've Always envied Women like you

Who can simply Tumble out of bed Each morning

Looking blonde And perky.

Well, I must admit,

In my case, There's a little Labor involved.

A little labor?

She calls in Local 416.

Come on, guys.

Ok, the tank's full And the gear's all loaded.

I got everything we could Possibly need for A fishing trip.

Hey, woody, Look, we're right in The middle of the game.

I got a battery-operated Portable tv in the car.

We got a few Beers to finish Here yet, buddy.

I got a cooler full Icing down in the trunk.

I think the kid's Outlasted us, norm.

Hot dog! Look out, trout!

If you guys don't mind, I'll do the driving.

All right, I got shotgun.

Wouldn't it be more sporting To use a fishing pole?

This is going To be great!

It's a fumble!

Willard picks it up...

Come on! Come on!

What are you doing?

Now let's all Check our watches.

Did we not promise

To watch frasier's show At 4:00?

Everybody see it?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

[puts game back on]

All right, fine.

I'm not gonna play cat And mouse with the silly Remote control box.

You know, All you people ever see Of frasier crane

Is an ordinary joe Sitting at the bar Being one of the guys.

You should see him In his metier.

He's a brilliantly Perceptive man.

Does somebody have a box That will shut her up?

No, but I'd be glad to Do it manually. No.

No. Come on, you guys, We made a promise.

Thank you, sam.

First I'd like to introduce Dr. Frasier crane.

Dr. Crane is an Eminent psychiatrist Here in the boston area,

Specializing in The treatment of phobias.

Joining dr. Crane In this discussion Is dr. Lilith sternin.

Dr. Sternin is a member of The psychiatric staff

At boston general hospital.

Welcome, dr. Sternin.

Thank you.

Dr. Crane.

You really made her Look beautiful, diane.

Physician, Heal thyself.

You've made many Excellent points, Dr. Sternin.

How do you respond To them, dr. Crane?

Dr. Crane?

Excuse me. What was The question?

Oh, of course. Excuse me.

Yes. My method Of flooding, uh...

Seeks out The patient's

Most sensitive And vulnerable spot

In the defense System and...

Penetrates...

Probing deeper And deeper...

Into the patient's Psyche,

Thrusting Over and over...

Thereby uncovering The reality

Behind the Irrational fear.

Thank you, Dr. Crane.

Anything to add, Dr. Sternin?

Yes.

Although dr. Crane's Method is faster...

A slow and Methodical approach

Can be Much more rewarding.

Gentle stroking Of the psyche

Will bring about

A far more intense Release of emotion,

Building...

Until the patient Quite often will Literally cry out

In the release Of satisfaction and joy.

Point well taken.

This intellectual stuff's Getting me all hot.

This is Embarrassing.

We shouldn't be Watching this.

Well, maybe just A little longer.

And that concludes This afternoon's program.

Aw! Oh! Hey! Boo!

Dr. Sternin,

Dr. Crane,

Thank you For joining us.

Oh, excuse me.

For a written transcript Of this afternoon's show,

Please send A self-addressed Stamped envelope

To psychology this week,

Box 84037,

Boston, massachusetts,

0220...

5.

What was That box number again?

02205.

Hey, fellas, How was the Fishing trip?

Would've been A little better Without cliff's jabbering.

Guy catches one fish, Turns into ernest hemingway.

Congratulations, cliff.

Thank you, sammy.

Yeah, it was Man against fish.

The rest of the world Was shut out.

He was a good fish,

A clean fish,

A strong fish.

A little fish.

Get that stinking Slimy thing out of here,

And take your fish With you.

Oh, frasier, I didn't Expect to see you here.

Thought you'd be exchanging Psychological positions

With dr. Sternin.

Please, sam.

I made a complete Fool of myself today And dr. Sternin.

If they'd have had a Hose at the studio,

They would have Turned it on us.

Actually, that sounds Kind of fun.

I'll never be able To look her In the eye again.

The only consolation Is that nobody ever Watches that show.

Way to go, Sex machine.

I'm ruined.

Half of new england Saw me today as A rutting pig.

Come on, frasier, You're not in rut, You're in love.

Oh, nonsense. I don't think

That because 2 people Breath heavily On a tv show

Is any cause for them To declare their Undying love.

Breathe heavily?

I thought you were gonna Suck in a chair there.

Listen, a tv station May not have been

The best place In the world to Sprout antlers,

But it happened. Go with it.

Dr. Sternin, You're back.

I'd like To thank you

For your Pygmalion-like efforts.

I'd like to but I can't Because they've Led to disaster.

Good evening, Dr. Crane.

Dr. Sternin, it's nice To see you again.

And you.

I apologize for my Overzealous behavior This afternoon

And for making fools Of us both.

Yes, well, I would also Like to apologize

For my completely Unprofessional attitude.

And I promised you that That sort of thing will Never happen again.

I've already penned A letter to the american Psychiatric association

Apologizing For my behavior.

I would suggest That you do likewise.

Of course, Of course.

And I think perhaps For the sake of our Professional reputations,

It's best we put This matter behind us

And go on With our lives.

Oh. That is Probably wise.

You see, I've Already lost Three patients

As a result of Today's fiasco.

That's odd.

I picked up three.

While we're On the subject, Dr. Crane,

I suggest that Your behavior indicates An unacceptable level

Of sexual frustration.

You strike me as a man Who needs professional help

Or perhaps A girlfriend.

And you strike me As a woman who could use A good cuffing.

Good day, dr. Crane.

Good day, Dr. Sternin.

Just a moment, Dr. Sternin.

Sam, isn't the refrigerator Door stuck again?

I don't think so.

Oh, I think it is, We need a hairpin To open it.

Dr. Sternin, Could we borrow A hairpin?

I don't see how A hairpin will help.

Strangely enough, It does.

Don't you see?

What these two People who are such Geniuses of romance

Are trying to do

Is to get you to Take your hair down,

Thinking that it Will stimulate me

Like some Pavlovian dog.

So why don't you Just oblige them,

Get this silliness Over with

We we can get on With our lives?

You mean like this?

Precisely.

You know what?

What?

I'm going To kiss you...

I'm going to kiss You hard,

And I'm going to Kiss you long.

But make no mistake About it, I am going To kiss you.

In fact, I'm going To kiss you like You've never--

Yes, like that.

Now, listen, lilith, I think you and I

Have just been too Articulate for words.

We talk and we talk,

And what we Really want to do Is show how we feel.

I think-- Look, I don't care What you think.

We both want To be animals.

Now, I'm going back

To my tastefully Decorated townhouse And prove it.

I suggest You come with me.

I think I see what You're trying to do, Dr. Crane,

And I just want you To know...

It worked.

Let's go.

Isn't it exciting

To see the blush Of newfound love On their faces?

Do you realize We've just seen The birth--

Don't you have Someplace to go?

Oh, yes...

The concert...

By myself.

I'll go.

Sure, I'll be alone,

But I don't care

Because I'm in love,

And no one Who's truly in love Can ever be alone.

I know My fellow loves me.

He just doesn't Know it yet.

So I'll go to this Concert, listen To the music,

And dream again of the day When he'll be sitting Beside me,

Holding my hand,

Sharing the moment.

That's my dream

And mine alone.

No one can--

Get her Out of here!

I'll go.

Only if you Really want to.

But this is not a date.

The fact that we sit Together has nothing To do with anything.

We're gonna take Separate cabs,

I will not talk to you During the intermission,

I'm not gonna take you Anywhere afterwards,

And we will not mention This ever again, ok?

Fine.

Ok.

Is that love Or what?