Original subtitles

Cheers is filmed Before a live studio audience.

Oh!

Oh, boy, that's the third Time you beat me, mike.

I guess I owe you Another beer.

That's ok. I got to run.

I'll take A rain check on That one, huh?

Lost again, huh?

I don't know what's The matter with me.

Seems like that guy just Has my number, you know?

Forget about it. Next time he Comes in here,

Just challenge him To some italian Arm wrestling.

I never tried that.

Give me your arm.

Ok. I'm gonna pull As hard as I can,

And resist me with All your strength.

All right.

Go.

Wow, I beat carla! Ha!

And I'm not Even italian.

* making your way In the world today *

* takes everything You've got *

* taking a break From all your worries *

* sure would help a lot *

* wouldn't you like To get away? *

* sometimes You wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you wanna be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you wanna be where Everybody knows your name *

* you wanna go Where people know *

* people are all the same *

* you wanna go where Everybody knows your name *

You wine them, You dine them,

Tell them how Pretty they are,

Buy them Fancy presents,

Finally get up the Nerve to ask one Of them to marry you.

What do you get for All your trouble?

Squat!

Doc, I thought you'd

Pretty much gotten over that Diane problem of yours.

It's not as serious As it sounds.

This is the one-year Anniversary

Of the dat diane deserted me At the altar.

To repress my bitterness

Would be detrimental To my recovery.

So on this day, And on this day alone,

I'm going to Spew out my venom

And exorcise The blonde demon

That haunts my soul.

Well, uh... Happy anniversary.

Holy moly, guacamole,

Terre haute, indiana.

I wouldn't throw her Out of my bed

For eating crackers.

Mm-hmm. Why else Would she be there?

Yeah, that's...That's Very humorous, normie,

In light of the fact that A leading women's magazine

Just recently Completed a survey

Which showed That postmen are

The most desired lovers Right after rock...

Rock stars And heart surgeons.

You know what they say Down the p.O.

Postmen deliver-- Daily.

We...We had this Conversation before, norm?

Cliffie, we've had Every conversation Before.

Boy, when people Start finishing

Each other's sentences, They're...

Spending far too Much time together.

Say, woody, let me Have another beer.

Did you hear the one About the...

Shepherd And the parrot?

That was a good one.

I had a very nice Time tonight.

Me, too.

Well, if it isn't Kitten with a whip.

Sam: ha ha ha! That's funny.

Uh-oh.

Oh, sam. I'd like you To meet brian.

Brian, this is sam.

And, uh...

This is april.

April, That's brian.

Hi.

And I'm obviously, I guess, diane.

Oh, right. Yeah.

So you two have A good time?

Oh, very nice. Very nice time.

We had A great time.

Yeah. We had A fabulous time.

It was just a movie And a burger afterwards.

But what a film,

And the ground beef Was excellent-- Very lean.

I want to thank for Giving me a ride home.

That's a great car You got there.

Brian has a wonderful Car, too, and it gets Excellent mileage.

Yeah? What kind of Mileage do you get?

35 on the Highway, 26 Around town.

32 and 24.

Sorry.

I'll give you A call.

Well, thanks again.

Good night.

What a putrid Display.

You know, people come Here to relax and Enjoy themselves.

They don't want to Look at that. Do you?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

This is sick.

Brian has A big-screen tv.

April has A satellite dish.

You are So childish.

Excuse me. Are you the owner?

Yeah. Sam malone. What can I do for you?

Phil schumacher, Campaign manager For janet eldridge.

She's running for Reelection to city council.

The councilor is Just down the street

On a walking tour Of the district.

Would it be all right If she came in here To meet the folks

And perhaps answer Some questions for the Newspaper reporters?

Sure. Why not?

Great. Thanks a lot, sam.

How about that? We're a stop On the old campaign trail.

Oh, sam, you're so Politically naive.

Janet eldridge Is an old-money Conservative

Who consistently Supports big Business interests

Over badly needed Social programs.

She's a real Political Opportunist.

If she's that bad, I'll have her out of Here in a flash.

Ladies and gentlemen, Councilor janet eldridge.

She's got until christmas. Then she's out of here.

I could use your support In the upcoming election.

Yeah, right.

You got fame, money, Power, and looks.

What you need I ain't got.

I need your vote.

I need a man, But you don't see me

Going around bars Begging for one.

I give. I know when I'm overmatched.

I'm glad I'm not Running against you.

She's smooth. I'll give her that.

Sam, I'd like you to meet Councilor eldridge.

Councilor, this is--

Mayday malone needs No introduction to me

Or anyone else In this town.

I was a big fan of yours when You pitched for the sox.

I think you're Just wonderful.

Well, it's mutual.

You're a fan of The councilor's?

No. I think I'm wonderful, too.

Norm: Well, sammy...

Unless these Tired old eyes are Deceiving me, pal,

There's something Going on between you And the councilor.

Yeah? No, no, no.

Watching that woman Work this room

Has brought me To a decision.

You decided to work it, Too, for a change?

I am going to campaign

For janet eldridge's Opponent in the coming election.

Is that right?

I voted for him before,

But he really needs My help now.

Would anyone like to join me In this campaign,

Working side by side Untiringly

To carry james fleener To victory?

I would! James fleener is

The finest man To enter public life In the last decade.

I'd be honored To work for him.

All right. He needs All the help he can get.

Who the hell Is james fleener?

Boy, oh, boy, Is miss eldridge pretty.

Back home in hanover,

Everybody on the town Council has a paunch

And smokes big, Smelly cigars.

Don't you have Any women on the Town council there?

Yeah.

Sammy, I've been Noticing,

She just can't take Her eyes off you.

Are you going to ask Her out or what?

What are you Talking about?

Look at her.

She's a good woman, sam. She deserves it.

Eh, I don't know.

Politics makes Strange bedfellows, sam.

So do you and anyone Or anything.

Sammy, I guess She's a little out Of your league

When you come right Down to it, huh?

What's the matter, sam? She too much for you?

No. I just don't think It's a good idea

To hop into bed with someone Who can raise my taxes.

Councilor eldridge will Take a few questions now.

Jerry baker, Boston star.

Councilor, do you Support the effort

Of the so-called Grant avenue Coalition

To overturn the city Council's rezoning

Of that neighborhood For commercial use?

I voted in favor Of rezoning and Would do so again.

My reasons are a matter Of public record.

No, I do not Support them.

Clifford c. Clavin, U.S. Postal service, South central branch.

In view of the Carnage taking place On our postal routes,

Are you in favor Of beefing up Our leash laws

To include Life imprisonment for The canine offenders?

I think that's A bit drastic,

But I am in favor of doing All we can to support

Our overworked and Underpaid postal carriers.

You do a wonderful job.

That woman has got My support.

And I will deliver you The postal vote.

Too bad it will be To the wrong address.

My name is Diane chambers, and I have a question.

Do you work here?

How come no one Ever knows that?

Yes. I am a waitress And proud of it.

In a work ethic Kind of way.

Councilor, you have Been accused of Being out of touch

With your Constituency.

Do you expect This little stroll

Through The neighborhood

To make up For four years Of neglect?

Hold on-- It's all right.

Miss chambers, I represent

Every one of the people In my district.

If I don't get out And talk with them As often as I'd like,

It's because I'm in my office Or at council meetings

Or in conference with Civic and business leaders 16 hours a day.

I've never missed A vote in my four years On the council,

And if I'm elected again, I intend to work even harder

For the people I am Privileged to represent.

[applause]

Good, diane. You got Her on the ropes.

Tom edwards, Boston sentinel.

Excuse me. I think This gentleman Had his hand up first.

Yeah. I'm not A reporter, I'm just a voter,

But I have a very Important question here.

Do you like Chinese food, and if so,

And have you ever Eaten it in the bathtub?

Yes, and, uh... No comment.

In that case, I have A follow-up question.

What are you doing for Dinner thursday night?

The offer is very Tempting, mr. Malone,

But I will have to Respectfully decline.

The campaign Keeps me very busy.

I understand.

What I won't give up

For the people Of this district!

Phil: thank you all, Ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you very much.

[applause]

Hoo, look at that, norm. She shot sammy down.

Impeachment proceedings Should begin immediately.

She may be out Of touch with The common man,

But she can sure Spot a common roach.

Sam.

Yeah.

This is janet's Private number.

She wants you To call her.

Guys, janet's Private number here.

All right, Sammy!

[chanting "Sammy, sammy"]

Fleener, fleener!

Oh. Fleener, Fleener! Sammy! Sammy!

[chanting continues]

Say, diane...

Hmm?

Did you happen To hear that sam

Is going out with Councilor eldridge Again tonight?

I believe I heard Something like that.

Did you know it was For dinner at the Governor's mansion?

I recall someone Mentioning it.

Did they also Mention that

They were going In a limousine?

A limo?

Not a limo.

A limousine.

So, um...

What are you doing Tonight, diane?

Frasier and I are Going canvassing

For jim fleener In the neighborhood,

And then we're Stuffing mailers into Envelopes later on.

Well! That sounds Like fun, too!

Ha ha ha ha!

Evening, everybody.

Norm! Norm! Norm!

Diane: norman.

What's happening, Mr. Peterson?

The question is, Woody,

Why is it Happening to me?

You're a little late, Normie. Where you been?

I was at Hurley's market.

I took vera out For a little Grocery shopping,

Then a little Dinner.

Gee, that's nice, mr. P. Where did you go to dinner?

Hurley's market. They're giving out

Those little sausage Samples on toothpicks.

By the way, guys, For your information,

A dozen appears to be The cutoff number.

Whoo! Whoo!

So, did you hear That I'm going

To the governor's Place tonight For dinner?

Yes. There was A rumor in the air...

Back when there was air.

[coughing]

You got a second?

Listen, uh, you know That ice cream stuff

They serve in the Middle of dinner there?

Is it ok-- Sorbet.

Sorbet, right. Sorbet.

Um...Is it ok if I were to ask

For chocolate sauce With that?

I think It's wise not to.

All right, all right.

And for god's sake, Remember that a bowl

Of warm water With a slice of Lemon in it--

I know, I know.

It's a finger bowl. It's not lemon soup.

You know something?

Nobody would've know that time If you hadn't screamed.

You certainly Have been at

The councilor's beck And call lately.

I never thought I'd see you

So controlled By a woman.

What happened to The sam malone who Once said to me,

"Hey, we're gonna Do what I want From now on."

I left him in a restaurant With a face full of fettuccine.

That doesn't mean I didn't like him.

"Wim with jim"?

I thought it up. It's very joycian.

If that means stupid, I agree.

Frasier, put the box In the back, please,

And you if you're looking For something to do,

You can start Stuffing the envelopes.

I've been stuffing All day, diane.

Frankly, the task has Lost its considerable Power to charm me.

Frasier...

That's a defeatist attitude!

We don't need quitters On the fleener team.

Sam, You're on tv!

Oh, yeah. Look at that.

Nice-looking Threads, sam.

Janet picked out the suit.

She really knows what Looks good on me, too.

Tv: ...That is the strength Of the city.

[click]

[cheering]

Carla, Even though we have Our differences

And we're Frequently at odds,

There's one thing We very much have In common.

We both like sam.

And I'm concerned About him.

I think He might get hurt

By this liaison With janet eldridge.

Yeah, you're right. He's having a lot of laughs

And a hot time With a beautiful woman.

The man is a glutton For punishment.

This is no romp, Carla.

It's more serious Than that.

And the worst part Is that she's Just using him.

I mean, It all adds up.

He's an outstanding Sports figure, He's attractive,

And in this town, It doesn't hurt That he's irish.

He's a vote-getter. So what?

So when the Election is over, It's "So long, sam."

I think he's Really going to Be hurt by this.

That's so what.

You are full of beans.

Women come and women go In sam's life.

He's having a few grins, And I can prove it.

Hey! A word over here, Heartthrob.

Coming at you.

Cliffie. Cliffie. I got this one.

You know, sammy, I've been thinking,

You have got A great setup

With this Eldridge babe.

You're going to all these High-tone parties,

Meeting a lot of Fancy people,

Driving around in big cars, And the best thing is,

You're getting to do To a politician

What they been doing To us for years.

You know, carla, Sometimes you got a Lousy sense of humor.

Sorry.

A few grins, carla?

Whoa! Boy, You look fabulous.

Thank you. So do you.

Thank you. Listen...

I am famished here.

Do you know what Kind of sorbet Are they serving?

I was curious About that myself.

Before we go, I have to make A couple of phone calls.

May I use your office?

You bet. Right under The whale there.

Look at the size Of that limo!

Hey, uh... Your excellence?

Does it have a tv?

Yes, it does. Go take a look at it If you want.

Oh! Hot dog!

Oh, boy, huh?

The exuberance Of youth, huh, normie?

Yeah. Wide-eyed And innocent.

I guess those days are Long gone for you and me.

Yeah, yeah.

Thanks, edith. I'll talk to you Tomorrow.

Bye-bye.

I'm sorry to interrupt, Councilor eldridge.

Please, call me janet. What can I do for you?

It's diane, isn't it?

Yes.

I'm speaking on behalf Of everyone here at cheers,

And I would just like to say

That we're all Very fond of sam,

And frankly, we're a Little worried about him.

We wouldn't like to See him get hurt.

What are you getting at?

Janet, I've made no secret

Of my opposition To you politically.

But let's Retract our claws For the moment,

Shall we?

Let's stop hissing At each other.

Do you have A problem with cats?

No.

But it's the consensus Of opinion around here

That you're using sam To get reelected

With total disregard For his feelings,

And we don't think that's A very nice thing to do.

I see.

Well, I'll be honest With you, diane.

That's exactly why I started seeing him.

Aha. So, I--

We were right.

Well, I'm warning you,

I have some Influence with sam.

Yes, I know. He thinks A great deal of you.

Anytime I wanted to-- He said that?

Yes. He mentions You often,

And sam is a man Of few words.

Well, he only Knows a few.

Ha ha ha!

Yes. He is a simple Man in many ways,

But I think that's His strength.

I never met anyone Who didn't like him.

Well, good. But I don't understand

Why we're standing here Chatting so enjoyably

When you just admitted That you're using sam.

That's not what I said, diane.

You didn't Let me finish.

Please.

When I first Started seeing sam,

Perhaps I had Ulterior motives In mind,

But my attitude Toward him

Has changed Dramatically.

I've learned that Sam has something Pretty special.

I've never experienced With any other man

The feeling I have When I'm with him.

When we're at a Fundraiser or something,

I'll watch him Across the room,

Talking with Some people,

And sometimes A feeling comes over me

So strong...

That it nearly Makes me ache.

God...

I sound like A silly schoolgirl.

That's the truth.

Does that make you Feel better?

It certainly does.

I'm awfully glad We put this matter to rest.

You like sam...

And sam likes you.

No one's going to Get hurt.

Well, wack to burk.

Oh, you're really good.

You almost had me Fooled there.

But I don't believe A word you said.

When this campaign Is over,

Sam is going to last About as long

As your campaign promises.

Well, back to work.

[applause and cheering On television]

Janet: I would like to thank Each and every one of you.

This is a victory For all of us.

[cheering]

Well, not quite All of us!

Uh...

I-I-I guess That's about...

I guess that's About it. Thanks.

Thanks, diane, For all your help.

Nobody ever Worked harder For me than you.

In fact, I think you worked

Harder than I did.

You did your best.

That's all That matters.

Say, listen, did you know You're out of liquor?

Janet: now I would Like to bring up A man without whom

I would not be Standing here tonight.

Sam--sam, would you let Phil through, please.

Sam: oh! Yeah.

Aha!

My campaign manager, Mr. Phil schumacher.

And this guy has been

Such a tremendous help To me in this campaign.

I'm sure he needs No introduction.

But for those ladies in The audience who would Like an introduction,

You're not going To get one.

That was My last chance.

Looks like I blew it.

Me, too.