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1
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:06,140
Cheers is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:15,749
Come on, coach! Is this
What I think it is?
3
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,185
What do you
Think it is?
4
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,587
I think it's
Something totally useless
5
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:22,022
That some salesman
Talked you into buying.
6
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,925
Boy, you're good
At thinking, sam.
7
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,227
Oh!
8
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,929
The billiard buddy
Pool table adapter.
9
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:31,031
Yeah, but it's not
Useless, sam.
10
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,101
You can make it
Into a ping-pong table,
11
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:37,171
A knock-hockey table,
A salad bar.
12
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:38,806
How much?
13
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,608
Oh, I don't know;
A buck?
14
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:41,942
A buck and a half
With croutons.
15
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,911
No, coach.
16
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:47,047
I mean, how much for
The whole thing?
17
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,217
Oh. 600 bucks, sam,
18
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:53,521
But the salesman said
Satisfaction guaranteed.
19
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:54,822
Or...
20
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:57,158
Now, that would've
Been a good question.
21
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,230
$600?
22
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,398
Yeah. Hard
To believe,
Isn't it?
23
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:13,307
* making your way
In the world today *
24
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,477
* takes everything
You've got *
25
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,213
* taking a break
From all your worries *
26
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:22,483
* sure would help a lot *
27
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:25,786
* wouldn't you like
To get away? *
28
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,358
* sometimes
You wanna go *
29
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:35,763
* where everybody
Knows your name *
30
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:40,468
* and they're always
Glad you came *
31
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,803
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
32
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,539
* our troubles
Are all the same *
33
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:49,577
* you wanna be where
Everybody knows your name *
34
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:53,414
* you wanna go
Where people know *
35
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:55,849
* people are all the same *
36
00:01:55,849 --> 00:02:00,588
* you wanna go where
Everybody knows your name *
37
00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:24,512
Good afternoon,
Everybody.
38
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:26,647
Norm!
Norm!
Norman.
39
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:27,948
What'll it be,
Normie?
40
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:29,617
Just the usual, coach.
41
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:32,686
I'll have a trough of beer
And a snorkel.
42
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,391
Cliffie, maybe you
Could help me out.
43
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,627
My mother-in-law's
In town.
44
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:40,761
Ah, sorry.
45
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,095
As if that wasn't
Bad enough,
46
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,697
She says she wants
To go sightseeing.
47
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,534
Well, tell her
To go to florida.
48
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,670
I told her to go
A lot further south
Than that, actually,
49
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,640
But she's interested
In american history.
50
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:56,510
Norman, take your mother
To see bunker hill.
51
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,945
Where?
52
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,580
Bunker hill?
53
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,948
The scene of
What many consider
54
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:04,418
Of the most important
Battles in american history?
55
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,953
Wait, wait.
You talking about
56
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,388
That place that
I got to go
All the way around
57
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:10,190
To get
To the minuteman
Pizza parlor?
58
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,492
No way.
59
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,494
Hey, norm,
Your car's unlocked.
60
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,763
Someone might steal
Your laundry.
61
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:16,964
What laundry?
62
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:20,033
That big, lumpy bundle
On the front seat of your car.
63
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,135
Oh. That's my
Mother-in-law.
64
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,604
She had kind of
A rough flight,
65
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,907
And she nodded out
The second she hit
The upholstery.
66
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:30,611
And you left her
Out there in an
Unattended automobile?
67
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,313
I threw
A blanket over her,
68
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:36,417
And I left her a note,
In case she comes to.
69
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:39,520
She's lucky to have you as
A son-in-law, norman.
70
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,590
I'm really giving
Her the red carpet
Treatment.
71
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,858
Hey, yo, pal. Would
You do me a favor
72
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:47,828
And toss these
In the blue civic
Out in front?
73
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,370
Hi. Is sam malone here?
74
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,906
No, he isn't.
What can I buy
From you?
75
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,309
What am I saying?
76
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,943
What can I get you?
77
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,312
Oh, I'll have a beer.
78
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,979
My name is
Lenny barnes.
Hi, lenny.
79
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,382
I'm the publicist
For the chamber of commerce
80
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,384
Charity softball game
This saturday.
81
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,152
I'm looking
For sam malone.
82
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,588
I can tell you right
Now, sam wouldn't
Be interested
83
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,723
In that kind
Of thing.
84
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,758
I mean, nobody
With any dignity
85
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,661
Wants to get into
Those sideshow
Carnival things
86
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,764
Where everybody's
Made to look
Stupid--nobody.
87
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,499
Hey, aren't you
Ernie pantuso?
88
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,068
I'd be honored
To do it.
89
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,137
Well, I don't think
We need anybody else.
90
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,639
Oh, well.
91
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,006
Huh...
92
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,843
I find it hard to get up
To fenway these days.
93
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,111
The old memories
Come back, huh?
94
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,280
No. I keep getting
The wrong bus.
95
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,716
I must have
An old schedule.
96
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:46,587
I guess those stories
About you are true.
97
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:49,390
That they are, lenny.
That they are.
98
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,392
Mr. Barnes,
Coach is right.
99
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:54,061
Sam never plays in
Old-timer type games.
100
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,830
Well, actually,
Sam's already
Agreed to play.
101
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,332
What?
102
00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,833
I'm just here for
Some publicity shots.
103
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,669
Lenny, why don't
You take your beer
104
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,771
And have a seat
And wait for sam.
105
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:06,239
Ok. Thank you. Oh,
I have to make a call.
106
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,941
Use the telephone.
107
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:15,215
I'm so surprised
At sam, diane.
108
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,217
I mean,
He always said to me
109
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:20,253
He'd never get involved
In one of these things.
110
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:26,226
Maybe sam misses being out
There on the baseball field,
111
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,961
Standing on the bump.
112
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,797
I think you got a
Point there, diane.
113
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,433
I miss seeing him
Out there on
The bump, too.
114
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,868
Incidentally, it's
Called the mound.
115
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,103
Ah. Mm-hmm.
116
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,772
Unless we're not
Talking about
The same thing.
117
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,107
No, no.
118
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,910
Thank you, carla,
For helping me out
There.
119
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,845
You sure you want
To quit, sam?
120
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,714
I'm willing to catch
A few more.
121
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,015
I mean, you weren't
Exactly toying
122
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,983
With the sound barrier
Out there, you know.
123
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:53,286
No. I just wanted to loosen
Up a little bit, that's all.
124
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,022
Carla, I don't think
125
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,658
You should be engaging
In strenuous activity
126
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:58,992
When you're with child.
127
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,194
If I didn't do
Things with child,
128
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,230
I'd never
Leave the house.
129
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:07,901
The only thing I ever
Did without child
Resulted in one.
130
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,504
Sam, are you really
Going to play in
This charity game?
131
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,640
Yeah. I was out there
Warming up, coach.
132
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,141
My arm feels
Pretty good.
133
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,843
Are you kidding me?
134
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,579
When a butterfly
Lands on a ball
In mid-flight,
135
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,080
It's not cooking.
136
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,418
All I care about is
Not embarrassing myself.
137
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,853
Good luck.
138
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,721
I have a right to be
A little rusty.
139
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,257
The only thing
I've thrown in
The past 10 years
140
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,860
Is diane's
Butt out of here.
141
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,565
No, sam.
142
00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:40,233
You're thinking
Of the tantrums you threw
143
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,102
When I walked out of there.
144
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,103
Ah.
145
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,905
You know, the only thing
I enjoy hearing
146
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,707
More than you two argue
On this subject
147
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,176
Is hearing cliff
Talk about florida.
148
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:51,912
As a matter of fact, I was
Just about to tell normie
149
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,648
That florida is
A pollution-free state.
150
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,784
You know how they
Treat solid waste?
151
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:59,520
You said they treated
You very well.
152
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,359
Hey. Hiya, sam.
153
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,728
Hey, lenny.
How you doing?
154
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,863
I'm fine. Say, look,
I've made arrangements
155
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,465
To have a photographer
And some of your opponents
156
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,333
Drop by for some
Publicity stills.
157
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,702
Right now?
158
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,269
Yeah. It won't take
But a minute.
159
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,971
They should be here
Right away.
160
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,873
Tell me, sam,
What brought about
161
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:23,043
This sudden
Altruistic bent
In your personality?
162
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,012
Come on, I resent that.
"Sudden"?
163
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,480
I've always
Cared very deeply
164
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,116
For people less fortunate
Than myself.
165
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,552
Here they are. Hey.
166
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:39,527
Oh, sam. You great
Big humanitarian.
167
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,564
Who says you can't work
For a worthy cause
168
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:46,333
And still be
Sexually aroused?
169
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,235
You could be having
An appendectomy
170
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,504
And still be
Sexually aroused.
171
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,239
Be that as it may,
172
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,974
I have to
Excuse myself now
173
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,944
And go say hello
To my fellow do-gooders.
174
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,982
Huh!
175
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,718
Boing!
176
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,654
Are those dames,
Or what?
177
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,456
Oh, this is disgusting.
178
00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:11,424
In what kind of culture
Do I live
179
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,426
Where they are
The ideal woman?
180
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:17,030
Gee, diane,
You got to admit,
They are beautiful.
181
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:20,167
Coach, take away
All their make-up,
182
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,370
All their expensive
Haircuts, and those bodies,
183
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,338
And what have you got?
184
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,040
You.
185
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,047
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
186
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,283
They're, uh...They're
Playboy playmates.
187
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,618
Get out of here.
188
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:40,487
I recognize miss february
Of a few years back.
189
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,656
She's a native of montana,
190
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,658
Hates the hustle and
Bustle of the big city.
191
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:47,427
Her turn-ons include
Strong but sensitive men,
192
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,997
Classical music,
And rainy afternoons.
193
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,098
Wow.
194
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,901
It's just...
Hard to believe
195
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:56,937
That vera and those
Are the same sex.
196
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,840
Excuse me. Does anyone
Have a blue civic
197
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,441
With a bumper sticker
That says
198
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:02,676
"Accountants
Do it with interest"?
199
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,111
Yes!
That would be mine,
200
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,946
And, you know, it's
True, by the way.
201
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,581
They're towing it away.
202
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:08,949
Did you happen
To notice
203
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,584
A little old lady
Trying to get out?
204
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,586
No.
205
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,688
Oh. Well, great.
Another round,
Coach.
206
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,690
Norm, what about
Your mother-in-law?
207
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,992
She's safe.
The cops have her.
208
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,631
So...My place
Or yours?
209
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,265
I have a roommate.
210
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,234
Yours it is.
211
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,568
Bye.
See you.
212
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,372
Here. Would you
Take your drink?
213
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:35,175
Thank you. Hey, are you
Upset about something?
214
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:37,845
You know what bugs me
About women like you?
215
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:40,547
You take off
All your clothes,
216
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,349
You pose for a magazine,
217
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,852
Thousands of men
See you naked.
218
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:49,089
I have to go to them one
By one. It's not fair.
219
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,858
Hey, you're gorgeous, sam.
220
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,325
Come on. I'm going to
Take those pictures.
221
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,794
Why don't you get up there
222
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,595
And put your arms
Around the girls, ok?
223
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:59,166
Put my arms
Around them, you say?
224
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,367
Right up there.
225
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,435
Okey-dokey.
Ha ha ha!
226
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,404
Squeeze in there
Real tight, sam.
227
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,906
Yeah, that's good.
228
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,975
Ok. Tell me, sam,
How do you feel
229
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,576
About the game
On saturday?
230
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,712
Well, it's a challenge
Of a lifetime.
231
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,947
We're looking
At natural assets
232
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,651
That are going to play havoc
With the strike zone.
233
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:20,788
No, no. I'm looking
Forward to the game.
234
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:25,425
And I'm particularly
Looking forward to
The shower afterwards.
235
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,160
All right, all right.
Seriously.
236
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,862
I think it's going to
Be a great game,
237
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,864
And I just hope that
Everybody comes out
238
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,565
To support
A very worthy cause.
239
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,967
Terrific, sam.
Now step out
240
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,969
And let me get
A shot of the girls
By themselves.
241
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,871
Why don't we put them
Over here by the door?
242
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:41,508
I know what you're thinking,
And I don't care.
243
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:45,378
If you think
I'm even concerned,
You are wrong.
244
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,948
Your sortie
Into sordidness
245
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,017
Has no effect
On my emotions.
246
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,853
You could make love to
All five of those women,
247
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,822
And I would feel nothing...
248
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:57,057
As, I'm sure, would they.
249
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,728
Why don't you
Come over here
250
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:01,895
And let me introduce you
To the girls?
251
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,196
I'd like to show them
252
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,432
The charity I was
Involved with last year.
253
00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:13,741
You are a sand flea!
254
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,844
That's
The thanks I get?
255
00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:35,528
Hey, coach.
256
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,664
What happened
To our pool table?
257
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:38,932
It's still there, larry,
258
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,001
But thanks to our
Billiard buddy adaptor,
259
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:43,270
It's more fun
Than ever now.
260
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:46,006
It can be
A knock-hockey table,
261
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:50,377
A ping-pong table,
A slot-car track,
You name it.
262
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,379
I want a pool table.
263
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,014
Well, let me get out
264
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:57,350
My easy-to-follow
Conversion instructions here.
265
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,491
A little tool kit...
266
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:13,666
And that.
267
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,635
Coach, how long is
This going to take?
268
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:16,904
20 minutes.
269
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,972
20 minutes to put the
Pool table together?
270
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:22,275
No. 20 minutes to figure
What the hell this is.
271
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,812
Forget it.
I'll play ping-pong.
272
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,847
God bless you.
273
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,052
Hey, coach!
274
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,721
The play of the game,
Cliffie,
275
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:36,623
Was when angela
Had to reach back
276
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,225
To catch that foul ball.
277
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:41,494
Yeah, yeah. That was
A thing of beauty, normie,
278
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,230
But the best one
279
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:46,867
Was when ginger bent down
To catch that grounder.
280
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,335
I had to applaud, norm.
281
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,971
Let's not forget when
Rosemary and ginger
282
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,140
Kind of bumped
Into each other.
283
00:12:57,344 --> 00:13:01,148
Either one of you
Manage to sneak a peek
At the scoreboard?
284
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,549
There was
A scoreboard?
285
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,651
Yeah!
The final score
286
00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:07,620
Was sam's team 7,
Playmates 0.
287
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,023
I'm telling you,
He was blowing
Those girls away.
288
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,358
It was a massacre!
289
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,360
I lost track of the
Final strikeouts,
290
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,964
But the important
Thing is
The twinkies lost.
291
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,501
Ta-da!
292
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,970
Yay!
293
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:25,572
Sammy, my man!
Way to hum! Whoo!
294
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:28,675
Yeah. Hey, did you hear?
I got 18 strikeouts.
295
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,277
Sam, I counted 17.
296
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,712
No! The ump was blind.
That ball cut the corner.
297
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,681
Hey, coach, come on.
Drinks are on me.
298
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,049
We're celebrating here.
299
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,585
Hey, sammy, what happened
To the playmates?
300
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:41,388
I thought they were
Supposed to sashay down
Here after the game.
301
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:44,057
Yeah, they were. I guess
They're sore losers.
302
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,658
Whatever happened
To sportsmanship, huh?
303
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,595
Maybe they were
A little put off by
Your victory laps.
304
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,263
Aww.
305
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,865
Come on, man.
306
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,566
That was just a joke.
307
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:57,070
Hey, that was a pretty
Good game, wasn't it?
308
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,039
I really had
My stuff back.
309
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,374
Wasn't this game
Supposed to be for fun?
310
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,843
Yeah, that's right.
I had a great time.
311
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,380
Hey! Guys, huh? I really
Had my stuff, huh?
312
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:10,817
Magnificent, sam.
Any chance the girls
Will be by?
313
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,986
Would you guys
Forget the girls, here?
314
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,554
I mean, I just won a game,
315
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,523
Didn't let anybody
Past first base,
316
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:19,492
And you're all
Pretending that this
Is an ordinary day.
317
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,228
[clink clink]
318
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,996
Excuse me.
319
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,532
I'm not an expert
In the field of sports,
320
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,335
But it's my impression
That the fans paid
321
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:31,404
To see the little playmates
Wiggling their hineys
322
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,306
Around the bases.
323
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:36,276
Diane, you're
The last person I want
To talk to today--
324
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,778
You're exactly not in
The top five any day--
325
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,047
But for
Your information,
326
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:41,748
People paid good money
327
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,716
To watch
Sam malone pitch.
328
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,519
I paid for hineys.
329
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,088
Come on!
330
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:51,724
People don't pay to watch
A baseball star stink.
331
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,427
They pay to watch them
Relive their old glories.
332
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:57,430
You know, sammy,
I was more thrilled
Than anybody
333
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,799
To see you out there
Flinging it again,
334
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,802
But even I was
A little embarrassed
335
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:04,537
When you put one
In babette's ear
336
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:07,340
'cause she was
Crowding the plate.
337
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:10,077
Hey, the plate
Belongs to me.
338
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:11,911
Babette can't
Stand the heat,
339
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,913
She shouldn't have
Crossed the baseline.
340
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,482
Come on, here.
We're celebrating, guys.
341
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,650
Sam, you mean
You knocked a girl down?
342
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,852
No, coach, I didn't
Knock a girl down.
343
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,421
I knocked
A batter down.
344
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,323
She was halfway
Across the plate.
345
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:26,093
Oh, halfway
Across the plate,
She deserves it.
346
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,360
Let's celebrate.
347
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,997
Oh, yes, by all means,
Let's celebrate.
348
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:32,499
This is such a major
Accomplishment, sam.
349
00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:35,102
I think you're ready
To take on
350
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:36,503
The campfire girls
All-stars.
351
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:39,072
Hey, hey. Way to go,
Diane. Ha ha!
352
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,808
You guys want to go out
There right now and face me?
353
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,276
Huh, mouths? Huh?
354
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,078
I mean, any one of you,
Go get a bat.
355
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,080
First person
That gets a hit off me,
356
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,815
I'll give him the bar.
357
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,383
Any takers?
358
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,919
Yeah. Yeah, I thought
That would shut you up,
359
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,454
You gutless wonders.
360
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,423
Why don't you just go
Over to the playboy club
361
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,525
And hang out
With the losing team?
362
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:01,828
Coach, I'm going
To be I'll be
In the back room...
363
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,363
Alone.
364
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,172
Oh, good.
Diane's here.
365
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:15,408
Sam, you are
An attractive man.
366
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:18,245
You have many friends.
You have a lot going for you.
367
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:22,049
But you have one miserable
Character flaw.
368
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,051
Gee. I wonder if
I could coax you
369
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:26,353
Into telling me
What that is.
370
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,689
Sam...
371
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,396
You and I dated
For what seemed
An eternity,
372
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:39,766
And I think I know
You pretty well.
373
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,834
You get
Into a contest,
374
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,637
And you'd rather die
Than lose.
375
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,807
I'm surmising,
But...
376
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,877
I think
Your fear of losing
Drove you to drink
377
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,512
And ruined
Your career.
378
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,548
I'm going to
Tell you something.
379
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,550
Then I'd appreciate it
If you leave.
380
00:16:57,550 --> 00:17:01,554
A little competitiveness
Is a healthy thing.
381
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,323
Uh-huh. But you have
382
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,093
More than a little
Competitiveness.
383
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:07,794
Sam, you're very sick.
384
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,465
I am not.
385
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,167
Yes, you are,
And I can prove it.
386
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,936
Why did you
Play this game in
The first place?
387
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:19,939
To impress a bevy
Of buxom bunnies
388
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:23,276
Who now will never
Speak to you again.
389
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,044
You wanted to
Beat them
390
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,447
More than you wanted
To bed them.
391
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:31,284
Oh, my god.
I am sick.
392
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,388
Oh...
393
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,790
Sam, you're not
Actually sick.
394
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,359
You just have
A problem.
395
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,394
I know, I know, I know.
396
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,563
I've always had it.
397
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,233
You mean
You approached games
398
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,968
In the same way when
You were a child?
399
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:51,238
Especially when
I was a child.
400
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,340
My parents were kind
Of tough on me.
401
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:56,376
I...I could
Never do anything
To please them.
402
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,545
I mean, if I got
A "C" in school,
403
00:17:58,545 --> 00:17:59,946
They said why didn't
You get a "B"?
404
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,814
If I got a "B,"
Why didn't
You get an "A"?
405
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,916
And if you got an "A"?
406
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,352
Sorry.
407
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,857
You know,
In high school,
408
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,593
Once I pitched
A two-hitter.
409
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:18,231
All my dad could
Talk about was the
Lousy two damn hits.
410
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,801
Sam, this is wonderful.
411
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,604
You're sharing with me
An attempt to confront
412
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,774
The very roots
Of your self-involvement.
413
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:33,045
I had no idea you could
Relate on this level.
414
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,514
Yeah.
415
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,016
Kind of feels good
To open up like this.
416
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,685
Yeah.
417
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:39,886
You know...
418
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,656
When I was about 6,
419
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:47,894
I made my dad breakfast
In bed on father's day.
420
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,197
I was really
Proud of myself.
421
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:53,200
All he could say was
The eggs were too dry,
422
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,136
And the...And the
Toast was too light.
423
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:02,709
Sam, I'm feeling
A closeness to you now
424
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:07,680
That compels me to share
A core feeling of my own,
425
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,584
Something which I have yet
To make privy to my analyst.
426
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:15,255
It happened
My 17th summer.
427
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,357
I swear, if I'd made
The toast any darker,
428
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,259
He would've said
I burned it.
429
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:22,529
I was brimming with
The innocence of youth.
430
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,564
Everybody else
In the world
Would've said,
431
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,098
"Hey, that toast is
Perfectly fine."
432
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:30,002
Oh, stop with
The damn toast tragedy!
433
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,438
What's your problem?
434
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:35,074
Well, I'm trying to share
Something very painful,
435
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,377
And you keep
Cutting me off.
436
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,579
I was talking
About my dad.
437
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,180
Well, I was going
To tell you
438
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,451
About the time I stayed
Home from the prom.
439
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:48,655
You interrupted
My dad story for that?
440
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:51,758
Well, what more was there?
He didn't like your toast.
441
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:55,362
Ok. Fine, fine.
Tell me all about your
Little dance story.
442
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,863
This doesn't have
Anything to do
443
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,399
With mice and glass
Slippers, does it?
444
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,136
I assure you that the
Details of my prom story
445
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:07,674
Would make your dad story
Look like self-pitying tripe.
446
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,676
All right, all right.
Ok. Right now,
447
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:12,612
I'm going to admit
That I am a very
Competitive person,
448
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,614
But you know
Something that just
Occurred to me?
449
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,716
You know the reason
Why our relationship
Never worked?
450
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,718
Because you always had
To have the last say,
451
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,321
You always had to
Be on top, and you're
Still doing it.
452
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,724
You know, you are just
As competitive as I am.
453
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:25,925
Me?
454
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,226
Yeah.
455
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,896
I'm not competitive.
456
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,232
I'm intense...
457
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,702
And strong-willed,
458
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:40,407
But I think that
Mindless games and contests
459
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:44,176
Are very destructive and
Diminish the human spirit.
460
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:45,445
Is that right?
461
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,314
Want to play
Ping-pong?
462
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,486
Of course I don't want
To play ping-pong.
463
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,322
It's preposterous.
464
00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:57,023
It's not exactly
My best sport.
465
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:58,458
A lot of people
Beat me at it,
466
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:01,227
But I bet you I
Could beat the pants
Off of you.
467
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:03,663
What if you did?
What would it prove?
468
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:05,231
It'd prove I'm having
A great day,
469
00:21:05,231 --> 00:21:07,233
My dad was wrong,
God's in his heaven,
470
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:09,569
And you are a loser.
471
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,738
Oh--
472
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:13,072
As always,
473
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:17,344
You are just trying to avoid
The central issue here.
474
00:21:19,045 --> 00:21:20,112
Come on, chicken.
475
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,114
Bawk bawk bawk!
476
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,117
Don't do this, sam.
477
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,654
Bawk bawk
Bawk bawk bawk!
478
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:30,790
I've played ping-pong.
479
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,291
Ooh...
480
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:37,464
My father built me
An elaborate rec room
481
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,231
When I was a child.
482
00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:41,401
My daddy liked me.
483
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:47,740
Yeah. Yeah. I bet you
Got lots of practice
484
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:49,976
Staying home from
All those proms, huh?
485
00:21:56,182 --> 00:21:59,285
Yes. It gave me
The opportunity
486
00:21:59,285 --> 00:22:01,888
To master the complexities
Of making toast.
487
00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:04,857
Oh. Nice serve,
Diane. Ha ha ha!
488
00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:06,092
All right.
489
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:10,262
Yeah,
You'll be easy.
490
00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:11,864
I'm real worried.
491
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:20,373
[ping-pong continues]
492
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:29,115
Since that time, norm,
I've never feared death.
493
00:22:29,115 --> 00:22:31,217
[ping-pong continues]
494
00:22:31,217 --> 00:22:32,318
[diane]
My point.
495
00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:33,986
[sam]
Lucky shot.
496
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:35,054
Come on. Serve.
497
00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:36,656
Sam, what are we doing?
498
00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:38,658
It's called
Ping-pong. Serve.
499
00:22:38,658 --> 00:22:41,360
This all started out
With us arguing
500
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,496
Over who was
The most competitive.
501
00:22:43,496 --> 00:22:47,500
What are we proving
By knocking a ball back
And forth all night?
502
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:49,368
It's not going to
Be all night.
503
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,270
I'm about to win.
Now serve, will you?
504
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:57,043
Let's start by admitting
That we both have a problem,
505
00:22:57,043 --> 00:23:00,647
And let's put down
Our paddles simultaneously
506
00:23:00,647 --> 00:23:03,049
And walk away
From this thing.
507
00:23:05,418 --> 00:23:07,820
Oh, you're quitting.
Is that it?
508
00:23:09,656 --> 00:23:13,092
As it so happens,
I am a point ahead.
509
00:23:13,092 --> 00:23:15,161
I could win
On this serve.
510
00:23:15,161 --> 00:23:16,929
I am suggesting
511
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:19,331
A greater triumph
For us both--
512
00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:22,969
A victory over
This destructive problem
We both have.
513
00:23:22,969 --> 00:23:28,107
Let's beat our paddles
Into plowshares, sam.
514
00:23:28,107 --> 00:23:30,643
Say again?
515
00:23:30,643 --> 00:23:33,746
Try this for me, and see if
You don't feel better.
516
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:36,082
I'm putting down
My paddle.
517
00:23:39,852 --> 00:23:42,421
Join me in
This victory, sam.
518
00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:55,401
How do you feel?
519
00:23:55,401 --> 00:23:57,003
I feel ok.
520
00:23:57,003 --> 00:23:58,004
Yeah.
521
00:23:58,004 --> 00:24:00,607
As a matter of fact,
I feel pretty good.
522
00:24:00,607 --> 00:24:02,374
Good.
Yeah.
523
00:24:02,374 --> 00:24:03,776
Buy me a cup of coffee?
524
00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:06,112
Yeah, you bet.
How about that?
525
00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:08,080
Oh. Just one more thing.
526
00:24:10,382 --> 00:24:11,851
I win.
527
00:24:11,851 --> 00:24:14,220
You're not getting out
Of this room alive.
528
00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:15,722
Oh, don't be
A sore loser.
529
00:24:15,722 --> 00:24:17,857
You're the one that's
Gonna be sore.
Ouch!
530
00:24:17,857 --> 00:24:19,859
That's why they
Call those "Paddles."
38410
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