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1
00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:04,605
Cheers is filmed
Before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:08,276
A bloody mary for you,
Vodka collins,
3
00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:12,280
And an old fashioned,
Light on the bitters.
4
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,415
Ooh, diane, look.
I think...
5
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,684
I think you got it
Perfect this time--
6
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,519
Every drink wrong.
7
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,591
My god! What is this?
8
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:27,328
Boy, does your
Waitressing stink.
9
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,597
My waitressing
Does not stink.
10
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:30,798
It does, too.
11
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,066
Diane: doesn't.
12
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,434
Carla: does.
13
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,002
If I really put
My mind to it,
14
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:37,538
I could waitress
Circles around you.
15
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,972
You stink!
16
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,542
I smell
A wager, carla.
17
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:46,147
No. You smell
Your waitressing.
18
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:49,049
I challenge you to
A waitressing contest.
19
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,720
Whoever gets the most
Tips between now
And closing time wins.
20
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,255
You're on, sucker.
21
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,957
I'll even give you
A 10 buck head start.
22
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,692
That's an insult.
23
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,794
And thank you.
24
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,565
We will need a judge
25
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,668
To make sure this contest is
Conducted on the up and up.
26
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,338
Sam's bar. We'll let
Him be the judge.
27
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:11,939
Oh, ladies, I'm honored,
28
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,541
But don't you think it
Would be better to find
29
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:17,077
Someone to judge this
Who gives a rat's behind?
30
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,148
Well, I do.
Make me the judge.
31
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:22,150
Oh! We couldn't have
A more impartial judge.
32
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:25,085
Thank you, diane. Now,
If either one of you
33
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,256
Suspects any wrongdoing,
You come to me,
34
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,924
And I'll make
An immediate and
Final decision.
35
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,293
Do we have
Any appeal?
36
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,395
Well, I think
You're both cute
As a button,
37
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:37,365
But that's not
Going to affect
My decision.
38
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:45,139
* makin' your way
In the world today *
39
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:48,276
* takes everything
You've got *
40
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:50,978
* takin' a break
From all your worries *
41
00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:54,382
* sure would help a lot *
42
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:57,551
* wouldn't you like
To get away? *
43
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,390
* sometimes
You wanna go *
44
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:05,593
* where everybody
Knows your name *
45
00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:11,131
* and they're always
Glad you came *
46
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,702
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
47
00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:17,338
* our troubles
Are all the same *
48
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:21,409
* you wanna be where
Everybody knows your name *
49
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:25,179
* you wanna go
Where people know *
50
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,615
* people are
All the same *
51
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:32,220
* you wanna go where
Everybody knows your name *
52
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:56,043
Oop, oop. Get ready
For the good times.
53
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:57,945
The big guy
Doth approach.
54
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,424
Afternoon, everybody.
55
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,193
Normie?
Norm?
56
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,728
Diane: norman?
57
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,799
Why don't you
Sit down, norm?
58
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,011
What--
What's the problem?
59
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:35,649
You know that job
I landed over in braintree?
60
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,817
Mm-hmm.
61
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,953
I had to take a company
Physical this afternoon,
62
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:44,992
And apparently
There was something
On the chest x-ray.
63
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,460
Something bad, normie?
64
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,662
No, a happy face.
65
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,533
Sorry, coach.
66
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:56,804
Yeah, something bad.
A spot of some sort.
67
00:03:56,804 --> 00:04:01,375
They sent it over to a
Specialist to take a look.
68
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,377
Well, now, norm,
69
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,513
These things
Happen sometimes,
70
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:08,048
And they turn out
To be nothing.
71
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,550
They just come
To nothing.
72
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,985
Yeah. We all come
To nothing, sam.
73
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:15,556
I'm just gonna get there
A little sooner.
74
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:18,392
Norman,
You're jumping
To conclusions.
75
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:21,028
Now, stop being
So morbid.
76
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,196
Ever since I heard
This news,
77
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:27,501
All I can think of
Is how I may be coming
To the end of my life
78
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,970
With nothing
To show for it.
79
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,973
Well, you've got all
Of us, your friends,
80
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:36,109
And we're going
To be with you
All through this.
81
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,547
You mean we're going to
Have to have the surgery
And everything, diane?
82
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,717
I'm not saying
I won't do it.
83
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:46,454
I'll explain it
Later, coach.
84
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:49,490
Everybody says,
"I'll explain it later."
85
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,125
[telephone rings]
86
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,694
Cheers.
87
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,396
Oh, hi.
88
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,030
Yeah. Uh...
89
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,732
Norm, it's vera.
90
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,168
She says she needs
To talk to you
Right away.
91
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:04,004
She's heard
From the doctor.
92
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,724
Hi, honey.
93
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,026
Yeah, that's what
I figured.
94
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,762
So what'd he say?
95
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,064
Oh!
96
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,766
Ohhh!
97
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,402
Ohhhh!
98
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,470
Oh! No, no. That's
The greatest news.
99
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,071
I can't believe it.
100
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,340
Yes, you're right,
We do have something
To celebrate.
101
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,410
So what are you
Gonna do?
102
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,012
Yeah, sounds good.
That sounds good.
103
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,880
No, no. I don't know
What I'll do.
104
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,682
I can't think about
It right now.
105
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,884
I have a lot
Of other things
On my mind. Yeah.
106
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,553
I'll talk to you
Later, honey. Bye.
107
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,254
A flaw
On the x-ray.
108
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,556
Oh!
Oh!
109
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:57,558
Let me buy you
A drink, normie.
110
00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,594
No. No, no, no.
Not right now, cliff.
111
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,863
Right now, I think I'm
Gonna take a little walk
112
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,865
With a gentleman
I haven't been paying
113
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:08,936
A whole lot of
Attention to lately--
Norm peterson.
114
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,704
I think I understand.
115
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,907
Well, I don't,
But I'm sure
You'll tell me later.
116
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:20,648
Well, carla, counting
The 10 buck head start
117
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:23,517
That you gave diane,
You're still ahead $9.00,
118
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:27,020
And you've got
Only one minute to go.
119
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:30,758
Yeah! But you know,
Diane gave me
A good contest.
120
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:34,828
I mean, she hustled
What passes for
Her buns off tonight.
121
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,164
Good. Then you're not going
To rub her nose in it?
122
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:40,434
To the bone.
Heh heh ha ha ha!
123
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,135
Thank you very much,
124
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:46,039
And a happy 50th
Wedding anniversary
To you both.
125
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,875
50th anniversary?
126
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,877
Yeah. They ordered a
Bottle of dom perignon.
127
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:53,080
Oh! I thought they
Were just a couple
Of cheap old coots.
128
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,016
Coach, a $20 tip.
129
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:56,884
Huh!
130
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,753
That's it!
Diane wins it.
131
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,221
Really?
132
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,356
Ah! Ha ha ha!
133
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:06,026
Oh, this is
So exciting!
134
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,729
Yeah. Who's gonna
Sleep tonight?
135
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,165
Ohh--don't hurt me.
136
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,903
I didn't mean
To gloat, carla.
137
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,472
I'm sorry. Please
Don't hurt me.
138
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:23,811
I just wanted to
Shake your hand,
139
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:26,580
But if you don't
Want to shake my hand,
140
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,850
I'll just say
Congratulations.
141
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:42,029
Sometimes there is
No pleasure in conquest.
142
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:45,599
Yeah. I haven't
Forgotten our first
Night together, either.
143
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,809
Did you find norm?
144
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,344
Yeah. Boy,
Is he weirding out.
145
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,146
Sam: what do you mean?
146
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,515
By the time I caught up
To him, he was sitting
In the middle of a garden.
147
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:04,017
He said he wanted
To smell the roses.
148
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,986
Diane: I don't think
That's weird.
149
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,556
Yeah? It was
A vegetable garden.
150
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:11,959
That's weird.
151
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,294
Yeah. I mentioned
It to him.
He said, "So?
152
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,864
I want to smell
The squash.
Leave me alone."
153
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,732
Then he got up,
And he wandered
154
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,267
Down towards
The pier.
155
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:23,971
I shudder to think
What he wants to
Smell down there.
156
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:29,677
This is that bar
I was telling you about.
157
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,413
These people sit in here
Night after night,
158
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:36,449
Wasting their lives away,
But, no, don't hate them;
159
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:38,451
Pity them, as I do.
160
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,120
You see,
They're chained here,
161
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,856
Unable to soar free
Like you and me.
162
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,896
Soar, little guy, soar!
163
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,067
Soar!
164
00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,708
You want to sit down and
Have a beer or something?
165
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,109
No. No time for that.
166
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,044
I just stopped in
To say good-bye.
167
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,614
You see, I'm sailing
For bora bora.
168
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:09,049
Bora bora?
169
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,184
Yeah. Ever since
I was a little boy,
170
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:13,153
The south pacific
Has been calling--
171
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:16,123
"Come to me, norm.
This is where you belong."
172
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:19,259
And I've always ignored
That call till now.
173
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:22,029
So I'm gonna go to
The beach and build a hut,
174
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,865
Send for vera, and live there
The rest of our lives.
175
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:26,433
Isn't that nice?
176
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,868
Mmm.
177
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,870
I booked passed on one
Of those cargo ships
178
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,438
Where you just work
Light duties.
179
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,273
We shove off
At midnight.
180
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:36,710
Norman, wait a
Minute. What about
A passport?
181
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:37,945
What about shots?
182
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,446
Well, I already
Have my passport
183
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:40,714
And, believe it or not,
184
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,482
You don't need any
Shots for bora bora.
185
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,917
There's no disease there.
186
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,654
Lunacy is
On its way.
187
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:47,855
Norm?
Yeah?
188
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,523
What about that great
New job you got?
189
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:51,825
Right, right.
190
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,694
I should really call
That guy, shouldn't I?
191
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,896
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
192
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,699
Sammy, you see
What he's doing, right?
193
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,635
The old joke meister,
Just tugging at our ankles.
194
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:04,638
Hold onto your socks,
Gents. Here he goes.
195
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:07,941
Hi, mr. Feldman, sir.
Hi. Norm peterson here.
196
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,377
Oh, awfully sorry
To wake you, sir.
197
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,846
You see, I just wanted
To call in to let you know
198
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,314
I'm not coming
To work tomorrow.
199
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:18,585
I'm sailing to bora bora,
Gonna live in a hut.
200
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:22,122
As a matter of fact,
I am in a bar.
201
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,158
Oh, no, no.
My head's quite clear, sir.
202
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,526
I'm quitting.
203
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:29,096
Yes, I realize I'm burning
My bridges here, sir,
204
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,431
But there's no hard
Feelings on this end.
205
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,667
As a matter of fact,
If you're ever in bora bora,
206
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,568
Stop on by
The old peterson hut,
207
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,738
And we'll share
A cup of grog, sir.
208
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,372
Maybe I'll take you ou--
209
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:42,309
Right. I realize
It's late, sir. Very sorry.
210
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,576
[click]
211
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,846
[norm sighs]
212
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,081
I pity that man.
213
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:52,619
Sammy, I want you
To give these
214
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:55,856
To some poor soul
Who may need them, huh?
215
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:05,365
Well, everybody.
This is good-bye.
216
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:08,535
I...I don't know what I can
Really say to you folks.
217
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:11,438
You've been
Like family to me.
218
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:14,174
I'm gonna miss you all,
That's for sure.
219
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,076
Oh, come on, man.
This is nuts!
220
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,111
I mean,
People just don't
Drop everything
221
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:20,547
And sail away
To bora bora.
222
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,315
I do.
223
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,217
Good-bye, normie.
224
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:25,385
Good-bye, coach.
225
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,087
Coach, you're going to
Feel pretty silly when
226
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,256
He pulls the plug on
This gag; wait and see.
227
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,091
You understand,
Don't you, coach?
228
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,961
No, normie, but they'll
Tell me later.
229
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,766
Hey, you better get
Used to what you're
Doing there, norm.
230
00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,934
They got all-male crews
On those ships.
231
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,938
Ok, norm.
Joke's over.
232
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:47,074
Knock it off.
It's ended.
233
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,277
Norm.
234
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,849
Ha ha ha!
You kidder.
235
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:59,386
Boy, you had us going
There for a while.
236
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,990
Wing tips are for
Accountants, cliffie.
237
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,925
I'm a beachcomber now.
238
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,509
Normie's gone!
239
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,859
Here you are, miss.
240
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,593
The service
Was excellent.
241
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,429
Oh,
That was nothing.
242
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,498
You should've seen
Me in the old days.
243
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,068
I was something
Then.
244
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,769
I'm telling you,
245
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,005
People would come
From miles away
246
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:55,708
To see me
Schlep drinks.
247
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,677
That was before...
248
00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,947
The troubles.
249
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,984
She should be
Over this by now.
250
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,452
It's been weeks!
251
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,855
I've robbed her
Of her zest for life.
252
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:10,223
You do have that
Effect on people.
253
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:13,861
Sam.
254
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:16,696
Sam, we got another
Letter from normie.
255
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:17,865
Yeah...
256
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,632
Oh, good!
Good, good, good, good.
257
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,068
Norm letter here,
Everybody.
258
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,271
Ok.
259
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,206
Let me see here.
260
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,575
He says he's found the beach
He was looking for,
261
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,410
And he's built a hut.
262
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:33,613
Listen to this.
"I'll send for vera
263
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,748
"When I've built hers.
264
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,384
"Ha ha.
265
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:41,521
"Whoops! I've lost
My hammer. Ha ha."
266
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,756
He put the ha has in.
267
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,926
Good thing.
268
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,296
"Every morning,
A native girl
269
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:52,032
"Leaves a coconut
Outside my door.
270
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,700
"I'm a little shaky
271
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,602
"On the local
Tribal customs,
272
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:57,204
"So either
We're married
273
00:13:57,204 --> 00:14:01,274
Or I'm going to
Be sacrificed next
Tuesday. Ha ha."
274
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:05,278
Boy, he sure knows where
To put those ha has.
275
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,148
"Parahe, or good-bye,
276
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,482
Norm."
277
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:10,850
Hmm.
278
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,253
You know, it took
A great deal of courage
279
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,555
For norman to do
What he did.
280
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,424
I admire and envy him.
281
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,326
He has heeded thoreau,
282
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,728
Who admonished us
That, quote,
283
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:25,632
"Life is frittered away
By detail.
284
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:28,301
Simplify, simplify."
285
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:32,105
Why didn't he just
Say one "Simplify"?
286
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:39,279
Let me see
The old postmark,
There, sammy.
287
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,917
Yup, yup. She's
Valid, all right.
288
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:48,555
Well, it looks like
Our normie made it
To paradise, huh?
289
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,856
Yeah.
290
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:52,425
Two scotch rocks,
Coach. No hurry.
291
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:56,029
I'll wait till
The good waitress
Gets her order.
292
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,601
Carla, you are
The better waitress.
293
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,071
It's been proven
Time and time again.
294
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:07,975
What does it matter who won
That meaningless contest?
295
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:09,742
It matters.
296
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:13,413
Well, what would it take
To make you feel better?
297
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:18,251
Hearing you admit
That you cheated.
298
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,954
Carla, I didn't cheat.
299
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:23,590
Would it kill you
To say you did?
300
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,394
I did not cheat!
301
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,129
Two little words
302
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:32,265
To restore
My will to live.
303
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,568
It doesn't seem like
That much to ask.
304
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,341
Ok, carla. I cheated.
305
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,976
You cheated?
306
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:47,314
Why? That contest
Meant that much to you?
307
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:50,517
You are
A very sick woman!
308
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,919
Does anybody
In this bar realize
309
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,654
How sick
This woman is?
310
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,024
She cheated
On that silly
Little contest!
311
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,758
I did not cheat!
312
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,427
First she says
She cheated,
313
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,262
And then she says
She didn't cheat.
314
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,964
Now, what are we
Supposed to believe?
315
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,369
The things people do
For their egos!
316
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:10,237
Yeah.
317
00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:12,672
Cheating on
A silly contest.
318
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,477
Well, I suppose I could
Go around the room
319
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,712
Explaining to everyone
Exactly what happened,
320
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:23,383
But I know that
I did not cheat,
And that's enough.
321
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,784
I'll just let it drop.
322
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,020
I'll be in my office
If you need me, coach.
323
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,821
Coach: yeah.
324
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,124
I did not cheat!
325
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:34,027
We had this contest
A couple of weeks ago.
326
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:39,866
Evening, sammy.
327
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:41,201
Hey, norm.
328
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,009
Norm?
329
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,983
Why aren't you
In bora bora?
330
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,619
Ha ha! Funniest thing.
331
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:06,359
I chickened out, just like
Everybody said I would.
332
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,496
Never even got on
The damn boat. Ha ha!
333
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,164
These are getting
Stale, though.
334
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,566
Do you have
Any beer nuts in here?
335
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:14,501
You...
336
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,636
You've been hiding
In here?
337
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,638
Just for a week.
338
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,073
Why?
339
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,510
You kidding? I made
Such a flaming jackass
Out of myself,
340
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:26,413
I'd be a laughingstock
If I went out there.
341
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:32,319
So you plan to stay
In here forever.
342
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:34,354
Yeah.
Is that a problem?
343
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:37,490
Because, uh, the way
I figure it, sam,
344
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,493
I can--you let me in
In the morning,
When you come to work,
345
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:43,896
And then at night,
When everyone's gone
Home, just let me out.
346
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,366
Just like I always did.
347
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:48,368
"Just like
I always did."
348
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,337
You...Ha ha!
No, no, no.
349
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,339
You get a bar stool, right?
You set it up
350
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:53,806
Right nice and close,
Just like this,
351
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,475
And every now and then,
You slip me a mug of brew.
352
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,977
Come on! It'll be
Just like it used to be.
353
00:17:57,977 --> 00:18:01,848
Come on. I know how
You feel, man.
354
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,951
You had this wild,
Crazy dream,
355
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,653
And you announced it
To everybody,
356
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,655
And you didn't
Live up to it,
But come on.
357
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,323
These people out
There love you.
358
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,058
They're
Your friends.
359
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:15,862
They don't care.
Come on. Ha ha!
360
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,063
All right.
361
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:18,498
All right, all right.
362
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,468
I guess it probably
Meant more to me
363
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,636
Than it does to them,
Anyway, huh?
364
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:24,537
Yeah.
Yeah.
365
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,440
Oh, maybe you
Ought to...
366
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,541
Oh.
367
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:29,942
Yeah.
368
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,077
A toast to the man
369
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,379
Who south pacific
Natives
370
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:35,014
Are probably
Calling "The great
Tan beast,"
371
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,749
An inspiration
To us all--
372
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:38,618
Norm peterson.
373
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,554
[everyone toasts]
374
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:44,591
The uh...The sofa
Opens out to a bed there.
375
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:47,827
Good. And
Laundry day is...
376
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,429
Tuesday.
Tuesday. Tuesday.
377
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:54,033
I have never
Cheated on anything
In my life.
378
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:57,704
The integrity
Of diane chambers
Remains unblemished.
379
00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,172
Ha ha!
380
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:03,042
Excuse me.
Could we chat
For just a second?
381
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,677
Trust me, trust me.
382
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,146
These people are your
Friends, man. Just listen.
383
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,818
To paul gauguin,
Robert louis stevenson,
384
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,085
And norm peterson--
385
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,021
Three men cut
From the same cloth.
386
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:18,391
Although they had
To use a few more yards
For our pal norm.
387
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,659
Yay, norm.
Norm!
388
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,262
Yeah. Norm is
Quite a guy, isn't he?
389
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:23,796
You know, I don't...
390
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:26,433
I don't think he had to
Sail the south pacific
391
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:29,869
To make us admire
And respect him.
392
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,003
He did for me.
393
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:34,040
It was the only
Worthwhile thing
He ever did
394
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,576
In an otherwise
Wasted life.
395
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,445
Come on, come on.
I'm serious.
396
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:41,481
I mean, if norm hadn't
Gone to bora bora,
397
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,751
I don't think we would have
Thought any less of him.
398
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:45,752
Do you?
399
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,587
You kidding?
Of course we
Would, sam.
400
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:48,588
Definitely.
401
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,657
Sam, what are you
Talking about?
402
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:54,294
It's hypothetical,
But just suppose
That norm had spent
403
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,063
The last three weeks
In a motel someplace
404
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,531
And that he'd
Sent those letters
405
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,767
Before the ship
Sailed and gave them
To some fella
406
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,769
To mail when he got
To the islands.
407
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:05,972
We wouldn't think
Any the less of him,
Now, would we?
408
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:09,041
That yellow-belly
Is in your office,
Isn't he?
409
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,543
No. Don't be silly.
410
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,246
If he's not, he's not going
To mind me doing this!
411
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:14,547
No!
412
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,215
Swell bunch of
Friends I have here!
413
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,585
That's the last
You're going to see
Of norm peterson!
414
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,253
Normie! You yellow-belly!
415
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:23,122
You got guys showing
Your face around here!
Come out here!
416
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,957
Hey, come on,
Lay off, will you?
417
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,225
The guy
Feels terrible.
418
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,427
Yeah?
419
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:30,029
Yeah, welcome back,
Buddy!
420
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:32,332
He's afraid that
You're going to
Laugh at him
421
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:34,334
Because he
Chickened out.
422
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,072
Norman?
423
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:44,611
Everyone has had
A dream that they
Let slip away.
424
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,314
Norm: yeah, but
Not one everyone
Knew about.
425
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:49,449
Would you like to
Know about mine?
426
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,651
Not particularly,
No.
427
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,555
When I was a child,
428
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,625
I wanted to be
A ballerina. I had--
429
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,560
Oh...
430
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:07,434
I had years
Of private lessons,
431
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:10,570
But when the time
Finally came to audition
432
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,672
For the juilliard school,
433
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:17,143
With my first step, I fell
Down and bloodied my nose.
434
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,978
And before I could
Do anything else,
435
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:21,581
They politely said,
"Thank you very much,"
436
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,916
And I never heard
From them again.
437
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,652
Thank you
Very much.
438
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:31,290
Ok. Diane, very good, dear.
439
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,992
Thank you, thank you.
440
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:35,862
Norm?
441
00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:40,533
Normie, do you want to hear
A crazy, hopeless dream?
442
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:43,870
I wanted to play baseball
And maybe coach a little,
443
00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:48,408
You know, and then afterwards,
Tend bar in a nice place,
444
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:50,777
And look what
Happened to me!
445
00:21:50,777 --> 00:21:52,545
Coach.
446
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:54,714
That's exactly what
Happened to you.
447
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:56,383
Oh, yeah.
448
00:21:56,383 --> 00:21:59,552
No wonder I'm such
A happy guy.
449
00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:02,221
Good try, coach.
Good try.
450
00:22:02,221 --> 00:22:04,757
Norm, has any of this
Helped you?
451
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:07,394
Oh, yeah. I'm doing
A jig in here, sam.
452
00:22:07,394 --> 00:22:09,328
Go away!
453
00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:14,000
All right.
Clear the decks.
454
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,768
It's up to me.
455
00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:18,104
Normie?
It's your best buddy.
456
00:22:18,104 --> 00:22:19,806
Go away, frank.
457
00:22:22,775 --> 00:22:25,778
Even in pain,
He can make us smile.
458
00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:30,917
Norm, you know it's cliffie.
459
00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:34,186
And I, too,
Once had a dream, norm.
460
00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,923
No...No, more than
A dream, really.
461
00:22:36,923 --> 00:22:38,758
It was
An all-consuming passion.
462
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:41,661
I wanted to be
A trapeze artist.
463
00:22:43,029 --> 00:22:44,964
A trapeze artist?
464
00:22:44,964 --> 00:22:46,866
Like in a circus?
465
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:49,836
No, like in
Your finer restaurants, sam.
466
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,908
When I was a lad, I went
To see the movie trapeze
467
00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:58,344
With burt lancaster
And tony curtis.
468
00:22:58,344 --> 00:23:00,813
No kidding!
Did you sit
Between them?
469
00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:02,081
Sam: coach.
470
00:23:07,253 --> 00:23:09,822
I must've seen it
20 times.
471
00:23:09,822 --> 00:23:12,725
I always imagined myself
Up there with them,
472
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:14,694
High above
The center ring.
473
00:23:14,694 --> 00:23:17,329
The spotlight
Shines upon me.
474
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:19,165
Sweat glistens
From my body.
475
00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:23,135
Below me, the women's eyes
Glaze over with lust.
476
00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:26,939
The men, they grind
Their teeth with envy.
477
00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:28,508
I lunge at the bar
478
00:23:28,508 --> 00:23:29,976
With almost
An insane daring,
479
00:23:29,976 --> 00:23:32,512
Flying through the air,
Completing one, two, three--
480
00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:35,582
Oh, my god,
Four somersaults!
481
00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:37,584
The first quadruple
482
00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:39,952
In the history
Of the big top, norm.
483
00:23:41,954 --> 00:23:44,156
But I became
A postal carrier,
484
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:45,725
And the rest is history.
485
00:23:47,293 --> 00:23:49,395
No, norm...
486
00:23:49,395 --> 00:23:51,464
Having a dream
Isn't stupid.
487
00:23:51,464 --> 00:23:53,800
It's not having them
That's stupid.
488
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,202
What's stupid
Is the picture of you
489
00:23:56,202 --> 00:23:57,837
In one of those outfits!
490
00:23:57,837 --> 00:23:59,438
Ha ha ha!
491
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:01,040
[all laughing]
492
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,676
I'd like
To take issue
With this.
493
00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:05,444
Hey, hey,
Hey, hey, hey!
494
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:08,681
Stop laughing
At my pal here,
All right?
495
00:24:08,681 --> 00:24:10,082
This man had
The only dream
496
00:24:10,082 --> 00:24:12,952
That was
More ridiculous
Than mine.
497
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:14,521
Oh, yeah?
498
00:24:14,521 --> 00:24:17,256
A lot more,
I might add.
499
00:24:17,256 --> 00:24:19,492
Is that right,
Marco rolo?
500
00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:21,494
Ha ha ha!
501
00:24:21,494 --> 00:24:23,563
I've got to buy
A drink here
502
00:24:23,563 --> 00:24:25,097
For the great
Cliffini.
503
00:24:25,097 --> 00:24:29,135
Oh! Next round is on me
For ferdinand majelly-belly.
504
00:24:30,737 --> 00:24:33,540
Listen to the
Flying rear-enda.
505
00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:36,843
Ohh! Is that right,
Christopher columbutt?
35951
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