Original subtitles

Sam: "Cheers" is filmed Before a live studio audience.

Oh, says here There's another Sighting

Of the loch ness Monster.

Oh, yeah? Can you believe that?

There's even A picture of him.

Wow, looks kinda like President reagan.

Thatisreagan.

The other picture's The monster.

I wonder if they'll ever Catch that thing, huh?

Well, I for one Hope they never do.

I mean, do any of us Really want to see That poor beast

Hauled out of the wayer And put on display In some side show?

Well, I sure would.

You know, we could All go together. I don't mind driving.

But you see, woody--

You know, it would be kinda Fun, we could pack a lunch.

No, woody--

All right, who wants Peanut butter and jelly

And who wants bologna?

Woody, they--

I'll have one Of each, all right?

* makin' your way In the world today *

* takes everything You've got *

* takin' a break From all your worries *

* sure would help a lot *

* wouldn't you like To get away *

* sometimes You wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* and they're always Glad you came *

* you wanna be Where you can see *

* our troubles Are all the same *

* you wanna be *

* where everybody Knows your name *

* you wanna go Where people know *

* people are All the same *

* you wanna go *

* where everybody Knows your name *

Hey, carla.

How's that House hunting going, huh?

Does that answer Your question?

Yes. Very nicely.

Boy, I'll tell you, It's hopeless.

I've looked everywhere In the boston area

And I just cannot Find a house within My price range.

After scrimping And saving for years,

I think I got finally Enough set aside

For a little place

And find out I ain't got squat.

Well, what's the big rush? Your apartment's fine.

No, it's not.

My kids get bigger, My apartment gets smaller.

I don't know what It's like to be alone In the bathroom anymore.

What's it like, sam?

Is it everything People say it is?

More. Much, much more.

I knew it.

Hello, everyone.

Hi.

Sam, I happen To be free tonight.

If certain gentlemen

Should happen To knock on my door,

Say, about 7:30,

I wouldn't Be adverse To going out.

I sure hope you get lucky...

Because I did. I got myself A hot date tonight.

I see what you're doing.

Even though I eventually Agreed to marry you,

You're still smarting From the sting of My initial rejection,

And looking for ways To punish me.

No, I'm not going out With other women To punish you.

That's just One of the perks.

If you're trying To make me jealous, You can stop.

I want you to date These women.

While they may look Better in leotards--

Then again, they may not--

They can't compare To the total package

You've experienced with me.

Oh, I see. We're Talking brains.

Listen, I'll have you know

That tiffany Happens to be

A very exceptional Young woman.

Oh, yes, tiffany,

The girl with The iq of a lamp.

Let me describe her For you.

Spandex wardrobe,

Spends all Of her time in a gym.

Breasts that would provide Shade for a small boy.

You're not even close.

You're sofar From being close.

She makes me crazy. Did you hear that?

Yep.

Hi, can I speak To tiffany, please?

I don't know. Try the aerobics class.

Yeah, yeah.

Just tell her that sam Can't make it tonight.

Uh...Something's Upset his stomach.

Yeah. Thank you.

Whew. Boy.

Got to be somebody In here with a brain.

I mean, I don't even care If she's good-looking.

You got a sister, Frasier?

No.

You have a dress?

What's the occasion?

Ah, tutti-frutti On the rutti.

Oh, boy, what a good, Gracious afternoon

To every one Of you wonderful people.

Yo, cliffie. Cheer up, bud.

Ah, normie, I'm a happy man.

I started a new Route today.

Where is it?

Meadowview acres, You know, just north Of the airport.

It's a real plum.

Yeah, best route In the city.

Yeah, no one else Wanted it, huh?

[laughs] Are you kidding?

It's a nesting ground For stewardesses out there.

There's a houseful of them Living all together,

And they're nuts about me.

How do you know that, Mr. Clavin?

Woody, they stand behind The curtain laughing And giggling,

The way women do When they're taken With a man.

Can I have a couple Of drafts, woody?

Oh, hey, carla, Listen,

If you're still Searching out a new house,

I got a doosy Out there on my route.

I wrote out the particulars.

Give me this.

Meadowview acres.

I know where that is. I couldn't afford it--

Hey, this thing Is in my price range,

Which means That it's either Built on quicksand

Or is currently on fire.

Look, carla, I looked at it And it looked all right to me.

Come on, carla, Check it out. What do you got to lose?

You really think I should?

Yeah, remember what Your horoscope said today?

"Take a chance. Explore other avenues."

That's right.

And you know what, That jives with My other two horoscopes,

My tarot cards,

And madame lavinda's Latest palm reading.

I think I better go give This thing a look-see.

I'll be back later.

Yeah, bye-bye.

Hey, mr. Peterson, I'm a leo.

What's my horoscope say?

"Young bartender Should refill mug

Of thirsty patron At corner bar."

Those things are so vague, They could apply to anyone.

Sammy, sammy, listen! I went to see that house,

And it was perfect. I mean, listen to this.

Me and the older Kids can have rooms Of our own.

Oh-ho!

And there's This big kitchen

With formica As far as The eye can see.

And there's grass, Sammy.

I mean, can you Imagine having grass Of your very own

To water and mow

And lie down in Naked anytime You want?

That's the american dream, All right.

Oh, oh, oh, There's a fireplace.

Finally the kids Are going to have A place

Where they're Supposed to start A fire.

Ahh! I'm so excited!

I don't know What to do!

Carla, you're talking Like you've already Bought the place.

I did!

You what? I bought it!

I did it!

How about that, huh?

They took My first offer.

Went through Without a hitch.

Your very first Offer?

Yeah, yeah, they could see I'd be a tough negotiator

And buckled under.

Oh! Well, when do you move in?

In a few weeks, I gotta Wait for the loan to clear.

But the guy at the bank Said not to worry.

So I'm not going to.

Life is too wonderful To worry.

Thank you! Carla, carla.

Don't you think There's somebody else

You ought to say Something to?

Oh.

Cliff.

Stop. Don't move. Don't turn around.

Don't say anything.

Just look At the floor.

Huh? Just do as I said.

Cliff, I want To thank you

For telling me About the house.

You're welcome.

Oh, puke! I knew You'd get mushy.

I see the search For intelligent forms Of life continues.

Do you mind? You're in my light.

I am your light.

Happy hunting. Ahh.

Good evening, everybody.

All: norm!

What's shaking, Mr. Peterson?

What isn't?

You haven't heard.

Carla bought that house I told her about.

And she knew Its history?

What--what do you mean?

Well, the asking price

Just seemed a little low For that area,

So I did a little Checking on my own.

Oh, no, I don't think I want to hear this.

Yeah, apparently The house is built

Directly over The graveyard

Of a seventeenth Century prison.

Ohh...God.

Wasn't exactly a white Collar prison, either.

It was the worst Murderers and cutthroats Of their time.

They executed Hundreds of them.

Oh! Oh!

Local legend has it That they're going To rise from the grave

And seek revenge On whoever dares To live there.

[all groaning]

Well, we all know How superstitious Carla is.

Oh, god! Oh, god! Oh, god!

What's with him?

He, uh, forgot His dry cleaning.

Let me have a scotch And an irish coffee.

I guess she doesn't know About it, huh?

Of course She doesn't know.

Would you buy a house That had that kind Of history?

Houses have karmas.

Look at her, She's so happy.

But she has A right to know.

Ah, I don't know.

It's always dangerous To mess with carla,

But especially When she's happy.

Like when frankenstein Was playing with The little girl,

You know?

It's a bad time To go up to him With a torch.

Terrible time, Terrible, terrible time.

I don't know, I think diane's right,

I think we should tell her.

Maybe it's not too late To do something about it.

Hey, carla. Yeah, sam?

I got something To tell you About the house,

Something Not great.

I knew it.

Carla tortelli, When will you ever learn?

After all these years Of heartbreak,

You still get your hopes up.

Ok, get it over with.

What's wrong with it?

Diane.

Carla, your house Is built

Over a 17th-century Prison graveyard.

That's it?

Mm-hmm.

Thank god! I thought You were gonna say It had dry rot!

Dry rot. Oh, Not that.

All right.

So how's the new Home-owner, huh?

Fine. Just great.

Well, are you still living Out of those cardboard boxes?

Yeah. You know how it is.

You know, carla, I really admire you.

It took such courage

To overlook The unhallowed ground

On which Your house is built.

I know I would have My last earthly Moment of rest

In that house The moment I moved in.

Why, I could no more Close my eyes

In that caldron of blood

Than sever my own arm.

Hey, diane...

Oh, yes. Well...

Angels on your pillow.

You know, I get this Feeling in my gut

That something's Bothering carla.

I'm going to find out What it is.

Hey, uh, so, carla, How's the house?

It's a great house! It's a wonderful house!

It's the best house In the world! Ooh!

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Did you find A problem after You moved in?

No...

Because I haven't Actually moved in yet.

So...

You are bothered by The house's history?

Of course I'm bothered by it!

I saw"Poltergeist".

Do you think I want To end up in the tv?

I just didn't Say anything before

Because I didn't want Anyone to know I was scared.

Sammy, there's something Evil in that house.

Something cold And clammy and horrible.

It doesn't want me there.

Carla, I've had Phobias before.

And I've found that

The first essential step In overcoming one

Is to confront it.

I'll bet If you spent one night,

God help you, In that house,

Your fears Would be licked.

Hey, you're not Going to let Anything

Stand in the way Of your dreams, Are you?

No, I'm not.

I've never been A quitter.

I'm going to spend Tonight in that house.

Good for you, carla.

Damn right.

I'm going to conquer This thing!

I'm not going to Let any demons

From the other world Deny me my house.

Last chance To stop me.

[keys jingling]

Only 10 more hours To go.

[doorbell buzzes]

Aah!

What are you two Ding-a-lings doing here?

We came to spend The night.

And, uh...

I brought you A little pizza With anchovy.

I hate anchovies.

Yeah, me, too.

Then let's eat, huh?

Hey, you know, this is A nice place, carla.

Oh, yeah, what a great Fireplace here.

Yeah, super living room.

Yeah, you know, With a little fresh paint And some new wallpaper,

You'll have some, uh...

Fresh paint And new wallpaper.

Look, I appreciate what You guys are trying to do,

But it's not necessary. I'm fine.

Sure, you're fine. It's a terrific Place, carla.

It's got a really Nice feeling in here, It's warm and cozy.

Have you checked out The rest of the place yet?

No. I thought it might Be a good idea to have A beer first.

Yeah, I find that Pretty much applies To just about everything.

Aarrroooo!

What was that?

A hound from hell?

No, no, no. That was a dalmatian.

I'd say probably 6, 7 years old.

Definitely neutered.

I've never been bitten By that breed, but--

[telephone rings] What was that?

It was a telephone.

[ring]

Keep an eye on Indiana jones Here, huh?

I do not have a good feeling About this place, cliff.

All right, Normie, look.

We said we're going To stick it out

And that's exactly What we're going to do.

All right, going gets tough, You can count on norm peterson.

Well, that was sam.

Vera called. She wants you To come home.

Yep, I'm out of here.

Norm!

Norm, come on. I mean,

Since when are you In such a rush To get home to vera?

Since you moved in Over a graveyard, Carla.

Guys, look, I'm sorry.

I don't know.

Scary stuff... Just scares me.

Hey, hey, normie. You're driving!

Well, I guess it's just The two of us, huh?

Yep. You can Take off too, you know.

There's nothing Keeping you here.

Yeah, I know.

[music plays]

Aw...

I love that song.

I went to a lot Of dances in high school.

You were a dancer?

No, no, I was on The decorating committee.

I still have crepe paper Stains on my fingers.

I remember watching All those kids Out there having

One hell of a time.

And boy, I'd love To be out there with them.

But I could never find A partner to practice with.

Fascinating.

Hey, hey, keep Your grubby fingers Off my piece there.

Hey, carla. You know something?

This is the first time We've ever been alone together.

Please, I'm eating.

Can I ask you a question?

Who's stopping you?

How come you're Always getting on me?

Is it my fault You're such a yutz?

And as long as we're Asking questions,

What are you Doing here tonight?

Well, I'm having A little beer And a little pizza

And helping a friend Through a scary night.

You think I'm scared?

I'm not scared.

Carla, look, It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Remember what Ernest hemingway said.

Would you shut up?

No, I think That was jack london.

Look, carla.

I feel a little responsible For getting you into this.

I just thought you needed Somebody who would be Here with you.

I don't need anybody, Least of all you.

All right. Fine.

Cliff.

You know, uh...

I taught a couple of guys To dance in my day.

So?

So, nothing.

First rule,

No stepping on The teacher's feet.

Ha ha, well...

Yes, ma'am.

Give me your hands.

Loosen up, would you? I don't bite.

Well, not you.

All right, um...

Rock...Walk.

Rock...Don't bounce. Don't bounce.

Rock...Walk.

Rock...Walk. Rock...Walk.

There you go.

Hey! Hey!

What was your leg Doing underneath my head?

I don't know.

I was asleep.

I didn't even Enjoy it.

You better not have.

What time is it?

4:30 in the morning.

It'll be dawn soon.

Hey, I did it!

I stayed here All night.

The spell is broken! Thank you, cliff!

Thank you, thank you!

Wow!

Wonder how long She's been wanting To do that.

It's going to be ok.

My luck is finally changing.

Hey, can you feel it?

Uh, feel what?

The house. It's different now.

It likes me. It wants me.

You know what, I think I'm going to put the couch Right over here,

And the oil painting Of me and elvis On that wall.

And the easy chair...

[rattle, roar, bang]

What's that?

I don't know.

Oh, my god! Oh, my god! They're coming to get us!

They're going To drag us back down To the grave with them!

Aah! Aah! Oh, god, save us!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! No!

No, wait, carla! I know what that is!

It's not the dead Coming out of the grave

To feast on human flesh.

It's an l-1011 wide-body.

The sounds Are very similar.

And I understand that During foggy weather,

They have To reroute those babies To runway 29, and...

It must be near here.

Do you mean...

That this house...

My house...

Is at the end Of a runway?

Uh-huh.

And that was A wide-body jet

Landing 10 feet From my backyard?

Yeah.

And this house Is not cheap Because it's haunted,

But because it is Right next To the airport?

Yeah.

I'm home!