Original subtitles

Okay, everybody step right in here.

Come on. Come on.

This is the home of Paul Revere.

Looks like a bar to me.

Well, the Reveres liked to entertain a lot.

Walk around and soak up some atmosphere.

Give me a shot of bourbon.

What's this all about?

It's a walking tour of Boston

and it's 30 degrees outside, and my feet are throbbing.

Paul Revere's house is nowhere near here.

You want to do this?

I got to fit in five more sights

before 6:00.

I'll never make it.

Ah... uh...

We are also standing on

the Granary Burying Ground

the Old Corner Bookstore

and the Old North Church.

Well, let's get going.

This is it for Boston.

That's the whole tour?

Seemed to fly by, didn't it?

Bid a fond adieu to Boston...

The hub of New England.

I always thought Boston was a lot bigger.

It is in the summer.

♪ Making your way in the world today ♪

♪ Takes everything you've got ♪

♪ Taking a break from all your worries ♪

♪ Sure would help a lot ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like to get away? ♪

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always glad you came ♪

♪ You want to be where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪

♪ You want to be where everybody knows your name ♪

♪ You want to go where people know ♪

♪ People are all the same ♪

♪ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT PICTURES

Sure, Sister.

No, that'll be fine.

You're welcome.

Hey, Sammy, I didn't know you had a sister.

No, no, no, that's Sister Theresa

from St. Mathius School for Girls.

She's sending one of her students over

with a playbill.

Hey, you know that St. Mathius is a good school.

I've had two kids thrown out of there.

Afternoon, everybody.

Norm!

Norman.

What's up, Norm?

My nipples. It's freezing out there.

So how was your Sunday, there, Norm?

You catch the Celtics-76ers game?

Oh, yeah.

And the Bruins-Flyers, The Ramos-Ramos fight...

Yesterday, Australian rules football.

Tomorrow we got

Boston College versus Iona.

Put that money down, pal.

I'll be ready.

Norman, doesn't your wife ever complain

that you never spend any time with her?

Would you?

Well, what I can't fathom

is how one can drink ice-cold beer

in freezing weather.

Cliff, explanation, please.

Now how do you know

he has one?

Five bucks says he does.

Ten says it's a doozy.

When the British ruled the Punjab...

Ten bucks. I win.

They drank steaming hot pots of tea

on the hottest days of the year

to balance out their inside and outside temperatures.

See, conversely, drinking an ice-cold drink

on a cold day actually results

in a more comfortable body temperature.

All right, why do you drink ice-cold beer

on a hot day?

Mr. Clavin.

What else you going to do with it?

I've got to get rid of a little bit right now.

I'll be in the little boy's room.

Uh-uh-uh.

Hop on one leg, big boy.

Sammy, the pipes are clogged up again.

Nothing's working back there.

I'm sorry, Norm.

You're going to have to go up to Melville's again.

Jacket in the same spot?

Yeah.

What a drag, huh, Norm?

Having to dress up to go to the john.

Come on.

You know, you men have it easy.

We have to wear taffeta

and have the correct change.

Hey, that looks good there, Norm.

Who's your tailor?

Give me a break.

The sweater's a little bulky, all right?

Have a good time up there, Ollie.

I'm in the back with my pipe.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

I've got an order.

Carla's got the bar, right, Carla?

Hey, that's right.

Okay, everybody...

Carla's got the bar.

You can have

anything you want...

as long as it doesn't have ice, straws, cherries, olives

mixer, umbrellas, fruits or flames.

And order.

I need an old-fashioned, a Brandy Alexander

and a martini.

Three beers coming up.

Boy.

It's the damnedest thing.

I've been shivering all the way over here.

Coach, you don't have a coat on.

It's 30 degrees outside.

Oh, thank God.

I thought I had malaria.

Are you all right?

No, Diane.

I don't know where my mind is today.

I just remembered.

I left it at Nina's apartment.

Your mind?

No, my coat.

Who's Nina?

Oh, just a girl who moved into my building today.

I helped her move some of her stuff in.

Diane, it's the damnedest thing.

I kept wanting to smell her neck.

You wanted to smell her neck?

Yeah, and it just hit me what that's all about.

Physical attraction?

No, Lux.

It used to be the soap of the stars.

Diane...

don't say anything about this to anybody, please.

Why?

It's embarrassing.

Look, if you're my friend, you want say it, okay?

Coach, you're a normal, healthy man

who happens to be attracted to a woman.

What's wrong with that?

For one thing, she's a lot younger than me.

How much younger?

Well, you'll see

because I told her where I work

and she said she might drop in after she unpacked.

Hello.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

You're under arrest.

Are you crazy?!

That's... that's not her.

Hi. Come on in.

I'm from the St. Mathius School for Girls.

Sure.

Sam told me I could put a playbill up in here.

Oh, good.

What play are you doing?

We're putting on a production

of 12 Angry Men

a taut, absorbing psychological drama.

When I was your age we did Romeo and Juliet.

We were looking for something with more meat.

Thank you.

You're welcome, honey.

I'll hang it up for you.

Hi, Ernie.

Nina, hi.

Welcome to Cheers.

Boy, it's nice and warm in here.

My apartment is freezing.

I hope you don't mind

but I asked the super to call me here

when they get the heat turned on.

No, no, it's a great idea.

Come on. Sit down.

I'll show you the place.

Have a seat.

Now, let's see, uh...

This is the bar.

Uh... those are the bottles.

These are the glasses.

That's a stool.

Uh... any questions?

Well, you know, I've always wondered

what kind of gas do you use

to pressurize those beer kegs?

Probably unleaded.

Uh, listen, can I

get you a drink?

Sure. White wine.

White wine.

Oh, Diane, Nina.

Nina, Diane.

Oh, hi.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Diane is very smart.

Diane, say something very smart.

Tempus fugit.

Coach, she's adorable.

Isn't she?

Oh, Carla.

Carla, come over for a minute, will ya?

I'm busy.

Carla's been in a lousy mood

for the last two, three years.

Let me tell you, it's getting strange up there.

Now, that's Norm.

That's not Norm's jacket.

What do you mean strange there, Norm?

Got a new men's room attendant.

Guy hands me a towel, whisks me off

and invites me out to a movie.

Boys...

Boys, meet Nina.

She just moved in to my place.

Whoo! All right! Good going!

No, no, no, not my apartment...

My building.

Crazy guys. They're nice, though.

I'd still be dragging my box spring

if it wasn't for Ernie.

You're a dog, Coach.

You mover.

Honey, would you excuse me?

I got to check the back room.

Sure.

That's it for me.

Oh, that's Sam.

He's handsome.

He's a bit of a wolf.

I don't know what I'm doing back there.

Does anybody know anything about plumbing?

Well, the Romans had a elaborate system

of aqueducts there, Sammy.

They were sort of the forerunners of...

Cliff, Cliff.

I need somebody to help me fix the plumbing.

Oh, sorry, Sam.

Strictly theory.

Hey, let me do it.

Give me a break, Carla.

Oh, come on.

I'm an expert at this stuff.

I got four kids and one bathroom.

My kids gave me Drano for Mother's Day.

Here. Give me that wrench.

I'm going in there.

Come on.

All right.

Go get 'em.

Okay, everybody out of the men's room.

Why didn't you say that before you came in?

Give me two beers.

Excuse me a second.

Oh, Sam, look, uh, I know what

you're going to do, but, uh...

I can't explain now...

Just stay away from that woman, okay?

What woman?

Oh.

Actually, I was going over for a cup of coffee

but thanks for pointing her out.

I must be slipping.

Uh-uh-uh.

Sam, please, I can't tell you why

but it's just not right.

Okay. All right.

If you insist.

Ah, wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

I understand something about psychology.

Oh?

Yeah. By telling me not to go over there

you're trying to get my curiosity up

so that I'll do exactly the opposite, right?

Absolutely not.

No, no.

Probably a friend of yours, huh?

Two of you've cooked something up

to make me look like a silly fool.

I'm not going anywhere near her.

Thank you.

Thank you?

That's exactly what you wanted me to do...

Was walk away, wasn't it?

You don't want me to go anywhere near her, do you?

No.

No meaning yes.

Hey, listen, this is my bar

and I'll do what I want.

Hi there.

Oh, hi.

You, uh, new in the neighborhood?

Yeah, I'm new to Boston.

How do you like it so far?

Fine. How do you like it?

Much better now.

Oh, look, I'm sorry about all this stuff.

I'm just sitting here waiting for my heat to be turned on.

How hot do you want it to get?

I heard you were kind of a wolf.

Howl at the moon one time

and they never let you forget it.

Listen, while we're on the subject of subgum

how would you like to go out

for Chinese food later?

Uh, no, thank you. I'd rather not.

Did I, uh...

make it clear I meant with me?

Painfully.

I think I like this girl.

Well, if you'll excuse me

I'll go say good-bye to my bathroom.

Congratulations, Diane.

You and your friend made me look like a complete ass.

I hope you're happy.

Couldn't have done it without you.

Isn't she great, Diane?

Yes, she is.

You know, Coach, I think you should ask her out.

Ask her out?

Yeah.

I haven't asked a girl out in years.

I don't even know if my old lines would work.

Well, what was the last one you used?

Uh, how would like a pair of nylons, Fraulein?

Probably not.

Come on...

It worked.

What do we need it for?

It's just another piece to clog up.

Carla, it's got to belong to something.

You can't hang on to things because of sentiment.

Coach, wait a minute.

How about all the women you talk about

from your baseball days.

How did you approach them?

Well, not by talking with them.

What'd you do?

Well, you know, I'd spot a cute dame in the stands

and to get their attention, you know

I'd injure myself.

You intentionally hurt yourself?

Yeah, sure.

I'd lean into a pitch

or I'd dive face first into a bag.

I'd take a real hard grounder in the gut.

Anything to get their sympathy.

You were a sly one, Coach.

Well, listen, one day I wasn't even in the game

and there was this real cutie there.

So I threw myself down the dugout steps.

It worked.

Coach, look, you don't have

to do that stuff now.

Look at her over there.

She's all by herself.

Stranger in this big city.

You are the only friend

she has here.

Can we have some service back here?

Coming right up.

Go get her, tiger.

Hey, Coach. Yes?

Can you cover for me tonight?

Yeah, sure. Where you going?

I'm going out with that young lady.

Diane is going to learn

the meaning of the word "comeback."

Ugh.

Did you say something there, Coach?

Like "ugh"?

Yeah.

Well, it wasn't me.

Can I have another beer, please, Sammy?

Coach? Yeah.

What's going on here?

Oh, just a normal evening.

I'm pouring a beer, Norm's in line

Sam's sweeping the girl of my dreams off her feet.

Just a normal night.

Well, Coach, I thought you were going to do that.

Oh, come on, Diane.

Sam's such a smoothie

I can't remember the last time a woman turned him down.

Will you bug off?

Does that refresh your memory?

I got her on the ropes, Cliffie.

You're a glutton for punishment

aren't you, Mayday?

Hey, the, uh, evening's young.

Ooh, but your lines are old.

Don't you worry about me.

I'm going out with your friend tonight

even if it kills me.

Coach, come on.

Now's your chance. Go.

Diane, who needs her, huh? Who needs her?

Coach, don't give up on Nina.

Diane, will you please leave me alone?

Leave me alone, please.

No.

Get, get in there, you pipe, and no back-talk.

Coach...

Diane, you can't come in here.

It's the men's room.

Well, Carla's in here.

Carla doesn't count.

Hey, watch it.

Diane, please, I'd like to be alone.

Coach, now if you don't act now

your life will be forever haunted

with the memory of lost opportunity.

Diane, maybe you're right.

Maybe I should have tried earlier

but Sam's after her now.

Can't you see that?

Well, so?

He's not getting anywhere.

Oh. You got the hots for Nina?

Oh, you know that, too, huh?

Um, Carla, Coach is too shy to ask Nina out.

Oh, come on, will you.

Who wants to date me?

Oh, I'm over the hill.

Nothing could be

further from the truth.

I'd go out with you.

Really?

Yes.

I would, too.

See?

And we all know how fussy Carla is.

You're not just saying this?

No.

Hey, Coach.

You're a cutie.

Come on over here, cutie.

Look at you.

What a hunk, hey.

Yeah.

Coach, you're a pinup guy.

Look at those shoulders.

Stop it, the two of you. Stop it.

Hey, who is that stud?

Oh, well, uh...

I'm no Harold Flynn, but it's okay.

Coach, it's Errol Flynn.

No, no, Harold Flynn.

He used to play second base for Chicago.

Good look, no hit.

Diane... Yeah?

Carla, I'm going to do it.

All right!

I'm going to do it.

Just give me a few minutes to spruce up, will you?

Okay.

Listen, Coach.

That's great, and I'll make sure that Nina sticks around.

I can't believe the graffiti in this place, you know?

Adolescent men are...

Oh, no. Oh, no.

What? What is it? Look at this.

"For a good time, call Diane Chambers."

Thank God they got the number wrong.

Hey, I got it right off your application.

Carla, how could you?

Oh, last time I play cupid for you.

After our moonlight drive up to the Cape

we'll check into separate rooms.

One for us, one for our toothbrushes.

I wish you could bottle that charm.

Is that right?

Yeah, then I could put a cork in it.

Uh, hey, uh, Sammy.

Sammy, a beer down here?

I'll, uh, I'll be back.

Tell me you're not in trouble, Sam.

Tell me you're just playing around with her.

I can't go on.

I'm, uh, I'm just playing around with her.

He's just playing around with her.

Give up, Sam.

It takes a big man to admit he's a small person.

And now, Harvard Yard.

It was here that in 1636

John Harvard raised his eyes to heaven and announced...

Line up. The can is fixed!

Come here.

Look, I let you do this one time, but no more.

I don't want you to come back in here, you understand?

Sorry about this.

They're studying for finals.

Let's give a little consideration

and tip-toe out.

Seems like all we've done all day long

was go from one bar to another.

What do you want for eight bucks?

Minutemen?

Move it.

Nina, your super called.

He said your heat's back on.

Oh, thanks, Carla.

Uh, listen, uh, Nina.

Nina, Nina.

Uh, I sense that we've had, uh

some trouble hitting it off tonight

but I think I know why.

Put aside for now my technique, my style, my smooth manner.

Put aside my hair, my teeth

my, uh, physique.

Put all that aside and what have you got?

Nothing.

You know, I don't even feel

like being with a woman tonight.

Good night, Nina. Good night.

Night, Sam.

Uh, turns out we were, uh, cousins.

Uh, Nina, can you wait just a minute?

The coach wanted to say good-bye to you.

He'll be right out.

Oh, okay.

I give up.

The woman's undatable.

Undatable, Sam?

Yeah.

I don't think so.

In fact, I have a hunch

you're about to see that woman

swept off her feet by a guy.

You're crazy.

Well, it may seem impossible to you

one whose idea of romance

is a floormat and "The Bolero" played at 78

but you are about to see a man

get a date with a woman

using nothing but sincerity and his own feelings.

She's kinky, huh?

You mean the Coach?

He's crazy about her.

I would have told you sooner, but he swore me to secrecy.

I've been building up his courage all day.

Diane, you got to stop him.

I mean, she's unbelievable. She'll crush him.

Uh, Nina.

Oh, hi, Ernie.

I was waiting to say good night to you.

Uh...

Uh, listen, Nina.

Uh, I want to say something.

Uh...

Look, I'm not a rich guy

and, uh, you know, I'm no brain.

I'm just an average guy.

But I like you, Nina

and I'd like to go out and do things with you.

Would you have dinner with me tonight?

Oh, Ernie, that's sweet of you, but I've got a lot

of unpacking to do.

But thanks for asking.

Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah.

Coach, Coach.

Look, I got shot down, too.

Listen.

There's just some women in this world that you can't get to

and she's all of them.

Uh, look, I made reservations upstairs.

Well, good night, everybody.

It was nice to meet you all.

Good night, Ernie.

Bye, Nina.

Coach!

Coach?

Oh, geez, he's out like a...

Coach, wake up.

Is he all right?

Oh, Ernie...

Ernie, are you all right?

Ah, whoo.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm just, uh, I'm just a little woozy.

Coach, Coach, let me take you home. Oh, no, let me.

I live there anyway.

Oh, no, honey... whoo.

You got all that unpacking to do.

Oh, now don't be silly.

This is a lot more important than unpacking.

I'm okay, I...

Works every time.

Sam.

I might not be in tomorrow morning.