Original subtitles

Oh, Sam, when you were in the back

one of your women called

and she said to tell you

that you're a lying piece of garbage

and she never wants to see you again.

Did she leave her name?

No, but, um, she did tell me to add one more thing.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's, uh, that's Patti.

♪ Making your way in the world today ♪

♪ Takes everything you've got ♪

♪ Taking a break from all your worries ♪

♪ Sure would help a lot ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like to get away? ♪

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always glad you came ♪

♪ You want to be where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪

♪ You want to be where everybody knows your name ♪

♪ You want to go where people know ♪

♪ People are all the same ♪

♪ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT PICTURES

Your move, Sammy.

Sam, I'll only ask this once.

Now, if you say no, it's no

but I would love to start doing caricatures

of the customers here.

Caricature is a satirical form of art

that the common man loves, and I think it would just be

a wonderful memento of our customers' visits here.

No.

And my art instructor said...

He said I'm an original, and this would be an invaluable

experience, you know? No.

And I'd only do it during the slow periods

so it really wouldn't interfere with my waiting tables.

No. So, what do you say?

Can I do it?

No.

We'll talk about it later.

No... No, we won't talk about this later.

I-I don't want you to do that stuff in here.

I'm going to do it anyway.

Well, at least she, uh, cleared it with me first.

There you go, Carla.

Uh, gin collins, vodka collins.

Thanks, Coach.

Which one's which?

The gin collins is in Larry

and the vodka collins is in Steve.

Coach, what are you talking about?

Larry and Steve.

You've named the glasses?

Well, how else would I know which one is which?

I mean, look, for instance

over here is Pete, Glenn, Fred, Al

and not to offend the ladies

you got Jeannie, Ginger, Gracie...

Coach, Coach

how do you tell which one is which?

Oh, it's very easy.

To me, they're all completely different.

Except the Wilson brothers.

Afternoon, everybody.

Norm!

Norman.

Gentlemen, start your taps.

How's it going, Norm?

Not so good.

Missed a digit in the debit column today.

The boss is now using my butt for an ashtray.

Norm, would you please watch your language today, please?

Sure, what's the problem?

Lisa's coming over.

Hey, I didn't know that.

It'll be great to see her.

Who is Lisa?

That's the Coach's daughter.

Oh.

Or is it a martini glass?

How's she doing, Coach?

She's wonderful, absolutely wonderful.

She's going to introduce me to her fiancé.

Great!

You never told me she was engaged.

You know, you always told me

that she was married to her work.

Well, you know, like most women, she wants both.

This is, uh, the 19, what, '80s?

Come here, come here.

Listen, are you all right?

No, well, you see, Sam

I just, I never met the fella

and I'm just hoping that I can hit it off with him, you know?

And I, it's really been bugging me, believe me.

Hey, come on, relax.

You're going to do just fine.

Yeah, I gue... I guess I d-do worry too much.

I mean, since Lisa's mother died

uh, she's been my whole life.

Coach, Coach, you did a great job with Lisa.

Now, don't worry.

Thanks, Sam, thanks.

Great guy, that Sam.

Yeah, why don't you, uh, name a glass after him?

Excuse me.

My name is Diane.

I'm the Cheers caricaturist.

I couldn't help...

I couldn't help but notice

that you're very much in love with this lady

and I have a sketch for you.

Which one of us is that?

That's a pretty good caricature.

Norman, don't toy with my emotions.

I'm serious.

Looks just like her, I think.

Oh, of course, yes.

Excuse me.

Hello.

I'm Diane.

I'm the Cheers caricaturist.

I, uh, I have a drawing of you.

Oh, let me see.

Well, well, just a minute.

Do you have a hobby?

Horseback riding.

Oh, yeah.

That is fun, isn't it?

Now you may look.

This is me?

Uh-huh.

Why am I sitting on a lizard?

Daddy!

Lisa!

Oh, honey, it's so good to see you.

Hey, everybody, here's my daughter, Lisa!

Hi!

Come here.

Hi, Sam. How you doing?

Really good. Oh, you look good.

Well, thanks.

Lisa, this is Diane.

Diane, Lisa.

Very nice to meet you.

Thank you; you also.

Oh, uh, wh-where's, where's your, uh, fiancé? Where?

Oh, Roy will be right in.

He's parking the car.

So, uh

where did you meet the guy, huh, huh?

We both work for the same company.

He's our top salesman.

Oh, good for you.

That's great.

Uh, hey, everybody, this is my daughter's fiancé!

Let's hear it.

Darling.

Roy, this is Carla. Hi.

And Diane and Sam.

How are you? How are you?

And this is my father, Ernie.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Feeling's ditto, Ernie.

Can I get you a nice cold beer?

Sure, Pops.

Hey, mind if I smoke?

Oh, uh, listen, cigar smoke bothers me.

Yeah, I know it stinks, but it tastes great.

So, Lisa tells me

you and Sam were in baseball.

Yeah, that's right.

I think it's a dead sport.

They just haven't claimed the body yet.

There's no action.

People need action these days.

W-what sport do you like, Roy?

Female full-contact karate.

Excuse me, I have to go jump-start my brain.

Look out for that one, Lisa.

She could steal my heart.

Hey, Cliff, I smell Chinese food.

Oh, it's a cigar.

So, uh, uh, you're, uh, a salesman

with my daughter's firm?

Yeah. Talk about coincidence.

Lisa's my district manager.

Has my fate in her hands.

I'm working Jersey now, but, uh

I'm moving up to Pennsylvania soon, huh, Lisa?

Well, I suppose something could be arranged.

What do you sell?

I sell suits door to door.

Uh, is this, uh, one of the suits here?

You took the bait, Sam.

I did?

Hold this.

I'm wearing an Omni-Suit right now

and man, am I comfortable.

The best part is

its versatility.

This suit comes with two coats

three pairs of pants and five reversible vests.

This ensemble

makes 120 combinations.

Everything from dignified to sporty.

Now, if you owned one of these suits, Sam

you could go straight from a funeral

to a night on the town without even going home.

Well, I was trapped

in just that situation Tuesday night.

Roy, I think we're going to be late

for our dinner reservation upstairs.

Hey, Sam

you and I... happen.

Oh...

Catch you later, huh?

Hey, let's go put on the feed bag.

We'll be back in a little while.

Daddy, come with us.

No, no, you go ahead, honey.

I got something to do.

I'll see you later.

All right, I'll see you later.

All right.

You know, I am so glad

that you two finally got a chance to meet.

Uh, ciao.

Hey, you get it?

We're going to eat, and I said ciao.

"Chow!" I'm telling you, I'm a funny guy, you know?

Sam, could you cover for me for a couple of moments?

Sure, Coach.

Where you going?

To toss my lunch.

Hey, Chuck, how's the job search going?

I got something, Sam, but I'm not crazy about it.

I'm a janitor at a biology lab where they do DNA experiments

making mutant viruses and stuff.

Sounds like a pretty good job to me.

I don't know.

Makes me a little nervous.

You know, all that weird stuff floating around.

Oh, hey, don't worry about it.

Nah, don't sweat it. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, of course.

I mean, they handle all that stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Must be getting a little paranoid, huh?

Yeah.

See you later.

Okay, Chuck.

You know, I feel better already.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Take care, Chuck.

Sam!

Sam, he used the phone.

The man's a pig.

I just had dinner with a pig.

He's even more disgusting

when he's around food.

That's hard to believe.

Hard to believe?

The last thing I saw

he was pulling his chair up to a dessert cart.

Oh.

Coach, what are you going to do about this?

You know, I've given Lisa everything she ever wanted.

What can I do?

Well, you're going to have to tell her

how you feel, Coach.

I can no longer hold my tongue.

Want me to do it?

Coach, come here.

I'm a daughter myself, right?

Let me tell you something about my father.

My father is a very wise and learned man

but he never game himself a chance

to really get to know the boys I brought home.

He would decide that he didn't like them

for no better reason

than one of them had bad posture.

Or another one had facial hair.

I'll never forget the night when I was foolish enough

to bring home a utopian socialist.

Oh, my God. Oh, no.

I don't believe...

I know. It's unbelievable.

I was a rebel then.

Coach, the point I'm trying to make is

that you mustn't make the mistake

of judging Roy too quickly.

Now, call me crazy, but...

You're crazy. You really are crazy.

Very funny.

What I'm struggling to say here is

call me a bleeding heart.

You're a bleeding heart. Bleeding heart.

Call me cute as a button.

Fine.

Coach, I'm a humanist.

Now, that means

that I have to believe

there's something fine and noble

about every human being.

And if we haven't found

what's fine and noble about Roy yet

it means that we haven't looked deeply enough.

Oh.

You're right.

I mean, Diane, you're absolutely right.

Your mother!

Like no one ever

knocked over a dessert cart before.

Hey, how about a beer, huh?

Diane: Coach...

Look, you got to talk to her, Coach.

Coach, you have to give Roy a chance.

No, you don't.

That's not a bad restaurant.

The dessert guy's a dink, but the cuisine is real tasty.

Yeah, but what am I telling you, Chubs?

Where's Lisa?

Oh, she's still upstairs settling the bill.

Are you saying

you had her pay for dinner?

They wouldn't take a postdated, four-party check.

If they're going to be hard-nosed

they should put up a sign.

Uh, do you still say

there's something good in that?

There must be.

Roy...

um, how about if you and I chat over here?

Good idea.

Coach, will excuse us for a moment?

The suit's getting to you, isn't it?

Roy...

your personality is very...

strong.

Amen.

But I know that that's not the real you.

You know, an aggressive personality

is often a mask

for a very shy and sensitive soul

and I'm willing to gamble

that you are just such a person.

You're not wearing a bra, are you?

The man is pond scum.

Coach...

stop her.

Lock her in the car if you have to, but stop her.

Sam...

I can't stop her.

She wants him. She wants him, Sam.

Hey Sam, I haven't forgotten about you.

How about I run out to the car

and get some cloth swatches.

I can't be out there and back

before you can scream "no" 700 times.

Well, you better be quick.

You better be quick.

Coach... Coach, let me talk to you here.

Do you remember a doubleheader against Cleveland

on a hot August day, 1974?

Yeah, I remember part of that. Yeah.

What part?

I remember hot.

Well, that's good. No, that's good.

That's a beginning.

Do-do you remember, uh, I was on the mound

and Johnson had been thrown out of the game

and you filling in as manager?

Right.

It was the, uh, last inning.

I just walked the bases loaded.

Uh, gosh, who was up?

I don't remember.

Spikes. Charlie Spikes.

That's it. Charlie Spikes was up.

Yeah. That's right.

Anyway, you came out to the mound

to talk to me 'cause I was in a jam.

I didn't have any good stuff left.

I thought you were going to yank me

but-but you didn't.

Instead you said something

that I-I've never forgotten.

Do you remember?

You remember what you said?

What did I say?

You said, "Go get 'em."

I said that?

Yeah.

Yeah, and I got 'em, Coach. I got 'em.

Well, I was glad to be there, Sammy, to help out.

Well, I'm glad

you were there, too, Coach.

'Cause if you hadn't had said that, uh

my career may have ended that day

instead of when it did

a couple of weeks later.

Sam, what the hell are we talking

about this now for?

Coach...

go get 'em.

Hi, Daddy.

Get 'em.

Lisa, I want to talk to you about Roy here

in Sam's office.

Wow.

"Go get 'em."

A marvelously pithy phrase.

That's funny.

That's exactly

what our third baseman said at the time.

Hmm.

I'm sorry, Lisa

but the time has come for me to put my foot

in my mouth and tell you that you cannot marry this man.

I mean you absolutely, positively

cannot marry this man.

Daddy, I never heard you talk like this before.

Well, now you have.

And I'll tell you something.

I don't like this guy Roy

and I don't like Charlie Spikes

and you can't marry either one of 'em.

Look, Daddy, I'm not dumb.

I know Roy's abrasive.

I know he's insensitive.

And I know he's probably only marrying me

so he can get the Pennsylvania territory.

But-but why would you want to marry a man like this?

Daddy, isn't it obvious to you?

Nothing's ever obvious to me.

Daddy, don't make me say this.

What? What?

I want to be married, and I want to have children.

Roy is the first man

that ever asked me to marry him

and I'm afraid he's going to be the last.

Oh, come on, honey.

There must have been dozens

of young fellas that proposed to you.

No, Daddy.

Wake up.

Roy is the first one ever.

But you're... so... you're so beautiful, so...

Beautiful?

Daddy, you have been saying that I'm beautiful

ever since I was a very little girl, but look at me.

Not as my father

but like you're looking at me for the first time

and please, try to see me as I really am.

Oh, my God.

I-I didn't realize how much you look like your mother.

I know.

I look exactly like her

and Mom was not...

comfortable about her beauty.

But that's what made her more beautiful.

Your mother grew more beautiful

every day of her life.

She was really beautiful.

Yes, and so are you.

You're the most beautiful kid in the whole world.

Thanks, Daddy.

Go ahead.

Come on. Go ahead, try it, try it.

Man doesn't lie. Stuff won't burn.

That's a drawback.

Roy...

Hey. It's about time.

What were you talking about in there?

We were talking about me, Roy.

My father thinks I'm beautiful.

Do you?

What?

Oh, hey, of course you're beautiful.

Well, you're stylish

you're contemporary, and you travel well.

You just said that about your suits.

Roy, I don't want to marry you.

I decided that I want a man

as good as my father.

Well, hold on here.

What about Pennsylvania?

Roy, you don't get Pennsylvania

and you don't get me.

You just get more and more obnoxious.

Hey, look

it's not like was marriage was going

to change my life or anything

but I want you to know

that if I walk out that door right now, I'm gone.

Yay!

Did you hear what I said?

Is that what you want, Lisa?

That's what I want.

Well, then that's what you got.

Good-bye, baby.

And don't bother calling me

'cause we're through.

This doesn't mean

we can't put you in a new suit.

Oh, you've made me so happy.

Oh, cara mia.

Oh, care to capture this moment in a caricature?

No. Tacky.

Tacky.

Come on. Let's celebrate.

I'll buy you some ice cream.

Hey, Daddy, look, no.

I'm just not in the mood for ice cream.

I just lost my fiancé.

I mean, I know he wasn't

the greatest guy in the world

but it's going to take me a while to get over it.

Rocky Road?

You got it.

Sam, can we go?

Take off.

Hey, Sam

I got 'em.

You got 'em, Coach.

So long, everybody.

See ya, Coach.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye, Lisa. Good night.

Lisa made the right decision, huh?

Forgive my storybook mentality, but I...

You're forgiven.

You're forgiven, Diane.

Well, laugh if you will

but I think every woman has a Mr. Right in mind

and it's a mistake to settle for anyone less.

You have a Mr. Right in mind, do you, Diane?

Well, I-I suppose I do.

Every woman does.

What's he like?

Oh, come on.

No, no. Come on, come on.

Maybe I know the guy.

Maybe I know him real well.

Well, for one thing, he would be very intelligent.

Very well educated.

Perhaps even overeducated, if there is such a thing.

Not particularly athletic.

Perhaps even clumsy, but charmingly so.

Blonde, blue-eyed

with a Byron-like innocence.

Hey. Hey, no, I know this...

I know this person.

Who?

You. You described yourself perfectly.

I hope you'll be very happy together.

I have had just about enough of you.

Hey, no, don't throw that.

That's Herbie.

He's got a wife and four little shot glasses.

I dare you.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org