Original subtitles

Hey, Coach, how about a beer?

Forget it, Harry.

Now, Sam says I can't serve you anymore.

You're a flimflam. Well, no, no.

It ain't for me. I'm expecting a friend.

A friend? Yeah, yeah.

He asked me to order it for him.

He did, he did.

In fact, he, uh...

He, uh, he... he wrote it down.

Uh... "One beer."

Now, wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait one minute.

One minute, Harry.

Let me see that.

Yeah, one beer.

Harry, I just had to make sure.

Okay.

That'll be one buck.

A buck. Let's see, uh...

Gosh, I thought I had a dollar.

Oh, I got a ten.

You got change?

Yup. Absolutely.

Here you go.

Five and four ones, Harry.

Oh, look at this.

I have a buck after all.

Uh, I don't need the change, Coach.

Why don't you give me my ten back?

Right. Oh...

right.

Here you go.

There you... Wait, wait, no.

Coach, I don't want to carry around all these bills.

Listen, give me a 20 for the whole thing.

What do you say?

You got it.

Nobody move.

Uh, come on, Coach.

Don't you see what he's doing?

I mean, he's shortchanging you again.

Oh, no, no, Sam.

He's outsmarted me before, but not this time.

No way. Believe me.

Coach, how much money you giving him?

20 bucks.

How much is he giving you?

Oh, darn you, Harry.

Sam, I'm just trying to keep in practice.

Coach, I'll tell you what.

I'll give you a $30 bill, we'll call it even, okay?

What do you think, Sam?

There's no such thing

as a $30 bill, Coach.

You want to bet?

Get out of my bar, Harry.

Come on now. Scoot, scoot.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You owe me ten bucks.

What is this, a clip joint?

I'm sorry. Here. Now, go on.

Go on. You know, Sam...

You know, you've got the wrong idea about me.

You really do. No, I don't.

Now, Harry, you got ten seconds to get out of my bar

and give me back my watch, Harry.

I'm just trying to help you guys out.

I mean, if you want to upgrade a little bit

they're on sale. Out.

Out. I'm out, I'm out.

♪ Making your way in the world today ♪

♪ Takes everything you've got ♪

♪ Taking a break from all your worries ♪

♪ Sure would help a lot ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like to get away? ♪

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always glad you came ♪

♪ You want to be where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪

♪ You want to be where everybody knows your name ♪

♪ You want to go where people know ♪

♪ People are all the same ♪

♪ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT PICTURES

Good afternoon, everybody.

Hey, Norm. Norm.

Hey, give me a beer, will you?

How's life treating you, Norm?

Like I just ran over its dog.

You're a little late, Norm.

How come?

Uh, Vera dragged me down to the mortuary.

I had to arrange for our funeral.

Oh, you thinking about dying, Norm?

We don't have a date circled yet, but, uh...

You know, Vera actually likes to plan ahead.

Yeah, we're going to get, uh, cremated.

No kidding?

What are you going to do with the ashes?

You know, I wanted

to throw them in her mother's face, but...

I think we're going to have them scattered

over the Adirondacks.

Hello, everyone.

Hi, Diane.

Hi. Diane.

Uh, I'm sorry I'm late

but you'll be delighted when you hear why.

We were just delighted that you were late.

I had the most fabulous after-class discussion

with my art history professor.

Huh.

Yeah. I now feel unequivocally

I have a full grasp or Impressionism.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Do Kirk Douglas.

Sam, I am sorry I was late.

Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

Yeah. Yeah, but you wouldn't.

Cheers.

Uh, yeah.

Coach, your friend Walt.

Oh, Walt.

Walt.

Walt, Walt!

My God, it's so good to hear from you!

Oh, I'm so glad the operation's over, Walt.

Listen, I didn't want to say anything beforehand, Walt

but, you know, I didn't think

your chances going in there were too good.

Oh, it's tomorrow.

B-but, well, listen, don't worry about it, Walt.

You fly right through it.

It's a piece of cake.

Oh.

Hello, everybody.

Dave.

Oh, the famous sportscaster.

Hi, Coach.

Right on, man.

Hey, Dave, we watch you here on the news every night.

Oh, that's great.

You do the best sports report in town.

Well, well, what do we have here?

Hi. Dave Richards.

I'm an old teammate of Sam's.

Oh. Diane Chambers.

I'm Sam's new waitress.

Mm-hmm.

Sam have his brand on you yet?

Hardly.

Oh, well, good.

Then you're, uh, in for a lucky day.

Not only am I incredibly good-looking

I'm also incredibly rich and incredibly nice.

And incredibly married.

Well, I am

sorry to hear that.

You are?

Yes. I was hoping to reject you

based solely on your personality.

Too skinny.

Can I, uh, have Coach buy you a beer?

No, Sam. I'm here on business.

Yeah, I noticed.

How would you like to be my interview

on the 6:00 news tonight?

Hey, that's terrific.

You want to interview me?

I mean, I haven't been in baseball for years.

Yes. Hey, I understand perfectly.

You are one of the best relievers

the Red Sox ever had.

Carla's right.

You're still a big name in this town, Sam.

We could do the interview right here in the bar.

You couldn't ask for more than that, Sam.

And besides, uh, you owe me a favor.

I do?

Yeah.

Remember that night in Chicago in 1973?

Those two young...

Dollars I borrowed? Oh, yeah.

Two young dollars?

Yeah.

Uh, I hate it when they're wrinkled.

Uh...

look, look, I'm out of practice.

Uh, it's been years since I did an interview.

Hey, come on, Sam.

It's good advertising.

It would help business.

Right, Carla.

And we can all be on TV.

I'd like to see myself on TV.

No, you wouldn't.

Trust me.

Trust me on that.

Come on, Sam.

I haven't got all day.

Yeah, come on. Come on.

Do it. Come on.

Sam, everybody in this bar wants you to do the interview.

Yeah... Almost everybody.

W-what do you mean?

Oh, never mind.

Will you excuse me for just a minute?

Uh, Diane, can I talk to you

in the, uh, back room for a minute?

Certainly.

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

I just have to, uh, discipline an employee.

Oh, can I watch?

No.

Okay.

What's the problem?

What makes you think I have a problem?

Because you've got that "Sam is a chowderhead

and he wouldn't understand if I drew him a picture" look.

Oh.

I do get that sometimes.

Yeah.

Sam

the fact of the matter is that you are an ex-jock strap.

Ex-jock. You...

That's ex-jock.

Now, how many times have I got to tell you that?

Well, what is the origin of the word "jock?"

I...

From the French.

Jacques.

Sam, those "Where Are They Now?" interviews on TV...

Yeah.

They're depressing.

You know, anytime

you put a "former" in front of someone's name

even the most attractive, bright, successful guy...

Excuse me, excuse me...

it's gonna look... Attractive?

Yeah. Even then, you know, something...

I didn't know you thought I was a-attractive.

W-well, you know, I mean, when the...

when the light strikes you in a certain way

and-and, uh, your hair is combed just right

and I'm standing back a ways...

you're, uh... you're sometimes somewhat unrepugnant.

Yeah, that's what women call me.

Tall, dark, and unrepugnant.

The point

I am laboring to make here is

that whenever I see an old athlete

trying to relive his glory days on TV

I can't help but feel sorry for him

and I don't want to feel sorry for you.

Wait a minute.

Feel sorry for me?

Hey, look, I resent that.

You don't have to feel sorry for me.

You know... you know who you should feel sorry for.

I'll tell you who you should feel sorry for.

You should feel sorry for the Flintstones.

I beg your pardon.

Well, yeah.

They're opposite the 6:00 news

and when everybody finds out that Mayday Malone is on

Bedrock is going to be a very lonely little town.

Martina Naver...

Um... no. Uh, Martina...

Navra... Namajama. No.

Uh, Martina...

Hey, Dave, let's do it.

That's great, Sam.

Give me 20 minutes

and I'll bring the crew right back.

You got it.

That'll give me just enough time

to slip into my shawl and blanket.

Dave, this is a really good idea.

Yeah. It's pretty good, isn't it?

Yeah. About time you got around to Mayday.

Well, actually, I'm really kind of excited

that he agreed to do the interview.

You know, uh, John McEnroe canceled out on me.

So, Sam was your second choice?

No. Uh, Gerry Cheevers

is out of town with his horses.

Third?

M.L. Carr has laryngitis.

Fourth?

Jim Rice is out of town, and Robert Parish was last week

and, uh, Becky Bannerman, the junior high school gymnast

is on a field trip.

But Sam was the first retired guy

you thought of?

No. Well, uh...

I said...

Sam was the first retired guy you thought of.

The very first.

He's honored.

The, uh, Celtics

got it going pretty good, eh?

Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.

I wasn't listening.

I'm, uh

I'm practicing my floating coin trick.

Pardon me?

It's just a little something I do.

So, what, it's a rigged-up coin, eh?

No, it's just a half dollar.

Take a look.

Hey, a trick or something, eh?

No.

Strings and wires... Stuff like that?

No, no wires, no strings.

I just take the coin

I hold it in the air about like that

and then I let go of it real careful

and it just stays there.

It floats.

It... it hangs there.

What am I, a goof?

There's no way

you can make a coin hang in the air.

No way!

You got five bucks if I can't do it?

Ten! Ten bucks.

No, wait, wait a minute.

Am I being hustled here?

You're... you are going to give me ten bucks

if I cannot do it?

You're onsville, pal.

Come on.

I couldn't do it.

No, you couldn't.

I don't know what happened.

I'll tell you what happened.

You just got stuck with ten bucks.

Coach?! Coach?!

Who is this clown?!

What clown?

Harry? Harry, please!

Harry?

Sam, I'm going. I'm going.

I was just playing, okay?

But, uh, whoever owns a Honda, thanks for the lift.

Did he take you for anything, Norm?

Uh, what did you say, Coach?

Uh, I didn't hear you.

I'm practicing suspending this coin in midair.

Oh.

Oh, here, here.

Oh, Carla, don't, don't. I'm fine.

All right, all right, all right.

You know, he's going to ask you

what's your greatest memory in baseball

and I'll tell you what it is.

It's got to be that double-header against the Orioles in '72.

He saved both games

with seven pitches.

Seven pitches.

Now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, will you?

Wait a minute.

You want to talk about excitement, huh?

Sam, tell them about opening day in New York.

You come out of the bullpen in the seventh

the bases are loaded with pinstripes

Bobby Mercer's at the plate...

He hit a 400-foot home run off me, Coach.

My God, it was the most exciting thing I ever saw.

Coach, this is Sam's interview.

Why would he want to talk about something bad happening to him?

You're right, Carla.

I-I-I don't know what it is, you know?

Sometimes I just think of the smartest thing to say

and then it comes out so stupid.

That doesn't make any sense.

Well, you should have heard it before I said it.

Everybody ready?

Yeah.

Well, Mayday

knock 'em dead.

Thanks.

You ready, Sammy?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I am.

Uh, Dave, listen, I'd like to do this, if you don't mind.

Yeah.

Uh, first we can talk

about whatever my greatest thrill in sports was.

Then I want to, uh

I want to talk about my triumph over alcoholism.

Good. Very good.

Yeah, it could be powerful.

Yeah. Yeah. Very powerful.

Then, uh, we could, uh, talk about Cheers

what I'm doing now, and if you have any time left over

we can talk about what I'd do, uh, about the crisis in the Mideast.

Yeah, the Cubs got that thing

by three-and-a-half games, don't they?

Should be a stimulating evening.

Ready, Dave.

Okay, a little bit more to the left, guys.

Roll tape.

Rolling.

Action.

I'm standing here

in a popular Boston watering hole called Cheers.

What's wrong with his voice?

Come on, Diane. This is television.

Cut the tape.

Come on, Sam.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I mean, really, I got to start over now.

I know. You'll be all right.

Gee whiz.

Roll it, Ernie.

Rolling.

I'm standing here

in a popular watering hole called Cheers.

Most of you probably recognize the guy standing next to me.

Or maybe you don't when he's not in his Red Sox uniform.

But this is Sam "Mayday" Malone

ex-great relief pitcher from the Boston Red Sox

and now owner and bartender here at Cheers.

How you doing, Sam?

I'm all right, Dave, thanks.

That's great.

Um... you've been out of baseball

what, uh, five years now?

Yeah, yeah.

Do you miss it?

Well, you know, I, uh, I miss the fans.

Uh, the people of Boston were very good to me.

Yeah.

Tell us about some of the great moments, uh, you had here, uh, Sam.

Uh, well, I guess I'd have to say

uh, one day in Baltimore.

Oh, great. You want to tell us a little bit about that, Sam?

Well, it was, uh...

I was, uh, working both ends of a double-header.

It was the old story.

First game, uh, bottom of the ninth

I'm coming in with a man on second and third

we're holding onto a one-run lead against the Birds

and Boog Powell's coming up.

I-I-I could feel the wind from his, uh, warm-up swings.

I mean, the guy had the heaviest bat in the league.

Papers were full of him, so, I figured

the only way I'm going to get this guy

as good as he's going

is if I challenge him on the first pitch.

If I try to get cute, he's going to kill me.

So, I decide I'm going to make him wait on me.

Make him sweat a little bit.

You know, I adjust my cap a couple times

go down to the rosin bag a couple times

walk around the mound two or three times.

Then when I figure he's getting good and antsy, I go...

Dave, John McEnroe just called.

Said he's got something

he wants to get off his chest.

McEnroe.

Hey, Dave, what...?

Sam, thank you.

I'll catch you later, huh?

What happened?

Uh, well, I-I, I guess he got a better interview.

No, no, what happened to the Boog person?

He grounded to third.

Come on, Coach, uh

let's, uh, serve some drinks here.

Yeah, right, Sam.

Tennis is a sissy game.

Come on, now, we got some thirsty people, right?

Damn shame, Sammy.

Ah, no sweat.

Listen, I'm going to, uh, I'm going to be

in back cleaning up.

That's our job, Sam.

It's my bar, Carla.

Ooh.

Listen, Carla

will you, uh, watch my customers while I'm gone, please?

Sure. I'll go over, act geeky, give them the wrong drinks.

They'll never know you're gone.

Thanks.

Sam, this could be

a crucial moment in your life.

It is vitally important

that you handle your emotions properly.

The worst thing that anyone

in a situation like this could do right now

is to repress his feelings.

Diane, get out, please?

You need to lash out, to release yourself.

Scream.

Get out!

Wonderful. All right, now...

We need now to move away from the root gut release of emotions

into the more cerebral.

Tell me in one sentence

what you perceive to be your problem right now?

You won't leave.

Let's come back to that.

Other people

have been through what you're feeling.

Even, in a slightly different way, myself.

Would you, uh, would you like me to share

an experience from my life

when I was horribly defeated and humiliated?

Diane, I-I don't want to hear

a lead-in-a-high-school-play story.

Oh, it's not a lead- in-the-high-school-play story.

Well, I don't want to hear

an I-didn't-get-asked-out- for-the-junior-prom story.

It's not an I-didn't-get-asked-out

for-the-junior-prom story.

Well, I sure as hell don't want to hear

a I-didn't-get-elected- cheerleader story.

Okay, if you're just going to make a big joke about it.

I hit it, right, huh?

Come on. I hit it.

Sam, I was terrific.

Look, what happened to me today

put a period at the end of my career.

The last thing I need is a cheerleader right now.

Well, that's what you need the most.

Hey, you know, I was, uh

I was looking at you at that interview today.

Yeah, and I didn't see

a washed-up, ex-former has-been.

No.

I saw a guy who has a great deal to look back on with pride.

And a great deal to look forward to with hope.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Of course, it didn't hurt

that you were standing next to a Cro-Magnon.

But, Sam, here's the point.

You know, you have to put the past behind you.

You have to turn and face the future.

Look at it.

You have to open your eyes, see what's right in front of you.

You're young, you're alive.

Feel that.

Feel that in your whole body.

Appreciate what you've got.

Live for today.

Go for it, Sam.

I tell you, go for it!

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm, uh... I'm fine, fine.

Oh, hey, look... One of my lights is out.

It's a reflex, Sam, you know?

I learned it in a class... Practical Feminism.

Oh... whoo.

What was your final? Crippling a Buick?

Look, I'm sorry I had to do that

but I came in here with very honorable intentions

of trying to help you out.

No, no, I'm sorry, you're right.

Thank you.

Look, I-I really appreciate you coming in here.

It's the high point of my day.

How long have you wanted to do that?

Do what?

Kiss me?

How long have you denied that burning desire?

It, uh, just came to me.

It was an impulse.

Oh. Good.

Because if you've been thinking about anything between us

it is out of the question.

No, no, I haven't.

Good.

Listen, Diane...

thank you.

I, uh, I will put the past behind me

and tomorrow I'll feel better

but tonight I'm going to feel bad, okay?

Yeah, okay.

Hey, Sam, will you do me a favor?

You want me to try and take your purse, right?

Okay, I deserve that.

No, I'm, I'm curious.

I want to hear about the Boo-ger.

The what?

The guy from Baltimore.

Listen, Diane, I know when I'm being patronized.

I may not have had 80 majors

but I know when I'm being patronized.

Second game, bottom of the ninth.

Boog's up again. Again?

Oh, yeah, I'm seeing the clown in my dreams.

Um, see, if I serve him a gopher ball

we're five games out of first place

with only eight to play.

Now, there's only one guy on base

but it happens to be Don Buford

and he's over there on first base dancing around.

I had to go over there, uh, 20 times.

To talk to him about dancing.

No, no, you see, you got to throw the ball to first

to keep the runner close to the bag.

If you don't, what happens...

Wait, wait.

Don't you throw the ball at the batter?

Look, uh, look, this story's going nowhere.

Why don't we just, uh, forget it?

Oh, good, now may I tell you my cheerleader story?

All right, all right, Buford's on first.

Right there, put it down, put it down.

Let me give you another shot.

Let me give you another shot.

And once again.

Once again.

Come on, come on, three times.

I'll tell you what.

Let me give you a hand.

Which one?

This one there.

Right there.

Gentlemen, gentlemen...

Oh, one more time, one more time.

Please, please, please, please.

Let me give you a chance to break even.

I feel just terrible. Again.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org