Original subtitles

How about a beer, Chief?

How about an ID?

An ID?

That's very flattering.

Wait till I tell the missus.

Ah, military

ID.

First Sergeant Walter Keller

born 1944.

That makes you

38.

Must have fought in Vietnam.

Oh, yeah.

What was it like?

It was gross.

Yeah, that's what they say... war is gross.

I'm sorry, soldier.

This is the thanks we get.

♪ Making your way in the world today ♪

♪ Takes everything you've got ♪

♪ Taking a break from all your worries ♪

♪ Sure would help a lot ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like to get away? ♪

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always glad you came ♪

♪ You want to be where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪

♪ You want to be where everybody knows your name ♪

♪ You want to go where people know ♪

♪ People are all the same ♪

♪ You want to go where everybody knows your name. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT PICTURES

Sumner, this is crazy.

Diane, we're about to be married.

I know.

Married... congratulations!

Why don't we celebrate with a drink?

I think not.

I give it six months.

Perhaps we won't have children right away.

Come on, let's sit here.

Sumner, now, we have a plane to catch.

Diane, if we're going

to be married, I insist you have

my grandmother's antique gold wedding ring.

Didn't you say that ring

is still on your ex-wife's finger?

I don't need it.

You're enough for me.

True, but symbols are important.

Just let me call Barbara and see if she's home.

Ah, the phone's back here.

As long as we're here

let's celebrate with some champagne.

Hello?

Sam?

Are you Sam?

Mmm...

Yes, he's here.

Someone named Vicki.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, she knows you're here.

I told her you're here.

Well...

Now, look...

I'm sorry, I was wrong.

He had to step out.

Where?

Well, um...

I think what happened is he, uh...

he had...

he had to go to mime class.

Yes, yes, I'll-I'll take a message.

You're welcome.

Well?

You're a magnificent pagan beast.

Thanks. What's the message?

Now, listen, I didn't like doing that.

I'm sorry.

If I didn't own this place, I'd fire me on the spot.

Tell you what.

For lying for me, I'll buy you your first drink.

Oh, I'd like a bottle of your best champagne.

It wasn't that great a lie.

No, no, we'll pay for it.

We're on our way to get married.

Oh. Well, hey, then this is on me.

Congratulations.

Good news... Barbara was home, and she said I could come over.

Oh, well, do you want me to go with you?

No, it, uh, could get a trifle sticky.

Besides, if, uh, she saw the dazzling beauty

who's about to succeed her

it would break her heart all over again.

Oh, Sumner, I'm not beautiful.

Ah, blasphemy.

So, where's the ceremony going to be?

We're getting married tomorrow in Barbados.

Oh, hey, nice.

I'm, uh, Dr. Sumner Sloan

Professor of World Literature at B.U.

He has an article in the current Harper's.

Ah.

Diane's been my teaching assistant

for almost two years, and today, I was sitting

in my office with Diane.

I looked up from my Proust.

She had her nose in her Yeats.

And I said to myself

I would be crazy

to let this girl get out of my life.

So, right there on the spot, I said, "Let's get married."

What he actually said was...

"Come with me and be my love

and we will some new pleasures prove."

That's Donne.

I certainly hope so.

No, uh, no.

John Donne, the poet.

Ah. Well, that's lovely.

Listen, I must dash.

I'll be back in ten minutes.

Excuse me, what's your name?

Uh, Sam.

Listen, Sam, old man, I have an errand to run

and Diane is going to stay here.

I'd appreciate it if you would keep an eye on her.

For you, Sumner, old man

I'll keep both my eyes on her.

Sumner...

Am I stupid to let you go see a woman

you were once in love with?

Oh, my darling, I'm leaving you alone in a bar.

Which one of us is the stupider, Sam?

Too close to call.

In any case, uh

you sit over here at the bar

and you chat with Sam while I'm gone.

I'll be back before you know it with your wedding ring.

He's quite a fella, your fiancé.

Listen, uh, you don't have to make conversation with me.

Nothing personal, but I'm not in the habit

of talking with bartenders.

I understand.

One's trying to move into my neighborhood.

You call that a football team?

What's wrong, Coach?

What's wrong?

The Patriots did it again.

This is going to be the worst draft yet.

We've got a first round pick, right, Sam?

Did they get a jackrabbit for the backfield? No.

A gunslinger at quarterback? No.

A linebacker they get, Sam, a linebacker.

I don't know, Coach.

I've seen a good linebacker

turn a whole team around.

Yeah, me, too.

Oh, hi.

Hello.

Uh-Uh, I hope nobody told you the bus goes by here.

No, Coach, she's going to be sitting here for awhile.

Um...

excuse me.

I hate to keep asking for special attention

but could you not discuss my private life

with everyone that comes in?

What would you like me to tell him?

I don't care.

She's a hooker.

Oh, yeah?

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

Uh-oh, Carla's late again.

Oh, nuts.

Okay, I'm late!

My kid was throwing up all over the place.

You don't buy that excuse, I'm quitting

'cause I don't work for a man

who has no compassion for my children.

And it doesn't look like you're exactly swamped here.

I'm usually very punctual.

You don't like it?

That's fine, 'cause this ain't such a great job to begin with.

I'm going to change.

Think I was too hard on her?

Hey, hiya, Coach.

Hi, Carla.

Hey, the Patriots finally got the linebacker they needed, huh?

What are you, nuts?

They're up to their ears in linebackers.

You know, that's true.

They do have a lot of linebackers over there.

Whoa!

I love to see a woman

who isn't afraid to take her luggage out for a drink.

Carla, she doesn't want to be disturbed.

Oh, well, tell her nibs I'm sorry.

Afternoon, everybody.

Norm!

How you doing, Norm?

What do you know?

Not enough.

Coach, what do you think of the Patriots' draft, huh?

Forget it, Norm.

They need linebackers like I need antlers.

Yeah? I say that new linebacker's

going to put them in the Super Bowl.

You know, he'll probably do that.

Gee, I got an awful headache all of a sudden.

Sox lost again today, Sam.

Sure could have used you coming out of the pen, buddy.

Not in the shape I'm in, Norm.

Oh... yo, Miss.

Wouldn't you love to see Sammy there

flinging the old horsehide again?

Flinging what?

Don't you know who this is?

He used to be

one of the best pitchers in baseball.

Samuel "Mayday" Malone.

I coached this kid down in Pawtucket

in Double-A ball

and up here with the Red Sox.

He was one of the best relievers

ever to play the game.

Take it easy, Coach.

No, I mean it.

He was the very best...

As sure as the Earth is round.

You don't believe that, Coach.

No, I never used to believe it, Sam

till I saw those pictures from the Space Shuttle.

You know

Sam once struck out

Cash, Kaline and Freehan with a tie-in run on second.

Oh.

How long is the wimp convention in town?

Carla, heel.

Well, if you were so good

why aren't you still playing?

I developed an elbow problem.

I, uh, bent it too much.

You were a drunk?

Are you kidding?

He was a great drunk.

Anything that kid did, it was great.

I was not a great drunk.

I was a good drunk.

Are you drunk now?

No, I haven't had a drink in over three years.

I, for one, am proud you licked it, Sammy.

Must have been hell.

Why do you own a bar?

I bought it when I was a drunk

and I held onto it for sentimental reasons.

Yo, uh, Miss.

What you reading? A book?

Excuse me.

Where is your bathroom?

Uh, next to my bedroom.

Down the hall. Oh.

So, what's Goldilocks' story, huh?

Never mind. What?

Come on, Sam.

Why can't you tell us, huh?

Take-take it easy, will you?

Sam's kind of shy about this sort of thing

so I'll fill you in.

She's a hooker.

She's not a hooker.

Well, no, she's not a hooker, Sam

in the traditional sense.

No, no, she's not a hooker at all.

She's the finest young lady I ever met.

My head is killing me.

Look...

Look, she does not want to be bothered.

She's waiting for her fiancé.

They're going down

to the Caribbean tonight to get married, okay?

They missed you.

Another beer, Norm?

Well, yeah.

One more quick one, Coach. Thanks.

He's not back yet?

No.

Why don't you make a run for it?

You're a bitter little person, aren't you?

Yeah. Well, I have a right to be.

My husband left me with four kids.

Four kids?

That's right.

And after I paid his way through school hustling drinks.

What school did your husband go to?

The Coletti Academy.

TV Repair.

So, the minute he graduated, he left me.

Said I wouldn't fit in

with the other repairmen's wives.

Big shot.

He sounds like a cur.

Yeah. Well, he's not all bad.

He still fixes my set and only bills me for parts.

If it's my missus, I'm on my way.

Cheers.

Yeah, just a sec.

Is there an Ernie Pantusso here?

That's you, Coach.

Speaking.

I'd like

two drafts and a scotch on the rocks.

You know, there's a group over there

arguing about the sweatiest movie ever made.

The what?

What movie did people sweat the most in?

That's easy.

Rocky II.

No, no. Not even close.

Body Heat...

Sweat city. RON: Ben-Hur.

The boys in that galley sweat like pigs.

No, no Alien.

That's right. Alien.

Buckets.

This is the night before my wedding

and I'm in the middle of a sweat contest.

Hey, uh, speaking of sweat

here's a little known fact.

Women have fewer sweat glands than men

but they're, uh, larger and more active.

Oh, the human body, huh?

Yeah, but, see

consequently, they, uh, sweat more.

Really?

Sure.

How about you, Miss?

Uh, what are your perspiration patterns?

Oh, Sumner.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

I've been sitting here

listening to these men argue

over the sweatiest movie ever made.

Cool Hand Luke.

Hey, that's the one.

What happened to you?

You said ten minutes.

It's been over an hour.

Diane, that woman is extraordinary.

Did she give you the ring?

I couldn't take it.

We've got a plane to catch, right?

Diane...

I love you

but when I was with Barbara just now

something stirred inside me.

Well, we can talk about it

on the flight to Barbados.

I can't fly to Barbados when I'm this confused.

Sumner, it's okay.

The pilot knows the way.

Oh, I love your wit.

Oh, you're a beautiful child.

Let's go to Barbados.

Let's go to Barbados.

Who isn't here?

Me.

Cheers.

Uh, just a minute.

Hey.

If you're not, I apologize

but is your name Sumner Sloan?

Yes, it is.

Hello?

No, no, no, it's all right.

She understands, and I understand.

Oh, Barbara, that's very human of you.

I'll be right over.

And Barbara...

your depth frightens me.

She insists that you have the ring.

Sumner, we won't have time to catch our flight.

Then you call and get us on a later flight.

I'll go now and get the ring from Barbara.

Sumner?

Yes?

How about a kiss?

Maybe. I'll play it by ear.

Oh.

Hey, cheer up, cookie.

He may have been in an accident.

I'm knocking off, Sam.

Home to my book.

Still working on that novel, huh, Coach?

Yeah, going on six years now.

I just got a feeling I might finish it tonight.

You're writing a novel?

No, reading one.

Wait a second, Coach.

I want you to take Norm home.

Norm! Norm!

I'm up, I'm up.

All right, one, uh, one quick one

then I really got to fly, Sammy.

I'm going to have Coach take you home.

Come on, I'll give you a lift, Norm.

All right, thanks.

Good night, Sam. Good night.

Hey, Coach, we stop somewhere, I buy you a beer, huh?

You know, you're in here every night.

Doesn't your wife ever wonder where you're at?

Wonders.

Doesn't care.

Night, Sam.

Thanks for letting me bend your ear.

It's okay, Ron.

Good night.

Boy, you must get real tired

of hearing people cry in their beer, huh?

I wonder why people tell bartenders their problems.

It's kind of sad, isn't it?

Yeah.

These poor wretches with no one in the world

to turn to but some stranger who mixes drinks.

I met Sumner two years ago.

I was

so flattered when he actually went out of his way

to pick me as his teaching assistant.

I'm still kind of in awe of him, you know?

He's the most... brilliant man I've ever known.

For the last two years

he's been the most important thing in my life

and now I may be losing him.

Well, hey, come on.

Look, you are a-a very attractive young lady.

Thank you.

Yeah, sure.

Look, you're going to find someone a lot better

for yourself than that-that goofy professor.

Goofy?

Are you talking about Sumner?

I'm talking about Sumner.

You don't like Sumner.

I don't like Sumner.

You know why you don't like Sumner?

Because he's goofy.

No.

Because he's everything you're not.

He's well bred

he's highly educated, he's distinguished

he's urbane, he's...

You left out "goofy."

I did not leave out "goofy."

You were coming to it?

I should have expected this.

That goof will be

on the cover

of Saturday Review some day.

That goof is probably going to be

on a beach in Barbados tomorrow morning

rubbing suntan oil on his ex-wife.

I've had a real rough day

and I'm now going to reward myself

by getting out of here.

When Sumner comes back

will you tell him I've gone home?

Fine.

I forgot to change the reservations again.

Use this one.

Thank you.

Uh, yes.

I'd like to change the reservations

for Mr. and Mrs. Sumner Sloan, flight 481 to Barbados.

They did?

Are you... are you sure?

Uh, no, thank you.

I'm sorry.

How did you know?

Bartender's intuition.

What a shame such an astute observer

of human nature is stuck behind a bar.

That's what I think.

Well, why don't you bring your remarkable powers to bear

and enlighten me as to what my future holds?

I'm probably going to regret this

but you could work here.

Sam?

Shut up for a second, will you?

I need, uh...

I need two vodka gimlets...

One straight up, one blended, rocks.

Chivas... rocks, soda.

A comfort Manhattan...

Hold the cherry.

A white wine spritzer with a twist.

One Old Bushmills Irish decaf

hold the sugar.

What makes you think

that I would ever work in a place like this?

Simple, really.

You can't go back to the professor for work.

I need a waitress.

You need a job.

You like the people here.

You think that they like you.

And the phrase "magnificent pagan beast"

has never left your mind.

Now, look, buster.

I do need a job, and I'll find one.

And you can bet that it won't be waiting tables.

Well, what are you qualified to do?

Nothing.

But somewhere there is a job that I'm perfect for

that's perfect for me.

I'll find it, and when I do, I'll know it.

Carla, what am I making?

Two vodka gimlets... One straight up

one blended, rocks.

One Chivas... rocks, soda.

A comfort Manhattan, hold the cherry.

A white wine spritzer with a twist.

One Old Bushmills Irish decaf, hold the sugar.

Your first customers.

Wish me luck.

Luck.

Hello.

Welcome to Cheers.

My name is Diane.

I will be serving you.

Uh, why don't you sit down right over here?

You know, I should tell you parenthetically that, uh

you are the first people that I have ever served.

In fact, if anyone had told me a week ago

that I would be doing this

I would have thought them insane.

When, uh, when Sam

over there offered me the job

I laughed in his face.

But then it occurred to me...

here I am... I'm a student.

Not just

in an academic sense, but a student of life.

And where better than here

to study life in all its many facets?

People meet in bars, they part, they...

they rejoice, they suffer.

They come here to be with their own kind.

What can I get you?

Where is police?

We have lost our luggage.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org