Original subtitles

- Hey, forget it, Ponch. - No way.

If I owe you 20 bucks, I'll pay you 20 bucks.

I just don't remember the loan.

Why did I need the money?

You were broke.

You're a lot of help.

When did this thought hit you?

First thing this morning, the minute I woke up.

I think it was a dream.

No, you borrowed the 20 bucks.

'I don't remember when or for what.'

But it'll come to me, alright. Just forget it for now.

Man, this grinder is really hot. Beat you to the station.

There's no way, now, the last time we tried that

I won the race and lost my driver's license.

Okay, chicken. Puck, puck, puck.

'Follow me, if you can.'

'Attention all units, 15, 7-Mary-4'

'advises CHP motor officer down near Willow and Garvey.'

'Eleven-41 is rolling.'

'Fifteen S-4, central monitor, do you copy?'

Uh, gentlemen, you'll have to wait here, please.

Has anybody been looking for me?

No, man. Hey, what happened?

I had to ditch the car.

You ditched it?

Man, they'll check the license plates, and then--

I know that, Ray. I reported it stolen.

We're cool as long as we stick together.

I don't get it.

We cover for each other, we worked at your car

over at your place, then we both came to work here.

'If we stick to that story, we're in the clear.'

Yeah, unless they got my license number.

Well, I don't think they got close enough

and if they did, we'll think of something, okay?

Yeah, alright.

Let me ask you a question, why did you ditch the car?

Those cops, man, they completely wrecked the front end

'and I don't know what else.'

You know how many extra hours I worked to get that rod together?

No, I wasn't countin'.

Listen, it's not gonna help getting mad at the cops.

Rotten cops, man.

They've been messing up my life ever since I can remember.

I've had it with cops, man.

I'm not taking it anymore.

I'm gettin' even.

- Uh, we're waiting.

Firebird was reported stolen this morning.

Yeah, a half hour after Jon hit it.

Owner's been with a friend all day. His alibi checks out.

- I'm sure.

About as well as can be expected today.

Well, how well can we expect him to be today?

About as well as he is.

Hi, Baker.

Hey, Jon.

Hi.

How do you feel?

I feel fine. I'm okay. Didn't he tell you?

Did he tell you?

Listen, I only banged up my ribs, that's all.

You know that old joke, hurts when you laugh?

Say, Jon, uh, I'm gonna cut out, buddy.

Just remember, no need to cover for us.

You're gonna be alright, pal, okay?

- Yeah, sure. - 'Hey, Baricza.'

- Take his helmet.

Sure, sir.

Doc, what exactly is his condition?

- Perfectly stable.

Stable means unchanged.

- We're not sure.

Hey, come on, doc. What's this all about?

You said, I'd be going back on duty.

I said you might be going back sometime soon.

I've been here three hours. I mean, I can go home..

Alright, alright. I got it.

Listen, if it's rest, I can rest at home.

Look, you're better off here until they're sure

they know what's wrong with you.

I'm sure..

Listen, don't you guys think I'd know if I was hurt?

Not necessarily.

Internal injuries don't always show up right away.

We don't want you to walk out of here

and then fold up with a subdural hematoma

'or a ruptured spleen.'

'Kidney or liver damage.'

'That's what observation's all about.'

We watch the patient for the symptoms.

Yeah, we don't wanna get you on your bike

and then have you pass out, huh?

Listen, I told you guys, it only hurts when I laugh.

I'm gonna give you some soundmedical advice.

Try not to laugh.

Yeah.

Uh..

Jon, can you, uh, give us a description

of the driver that sandbagged you?

No.

Yeah, well, look, uh, we better get going.

We'll let you rest..

...in peace, huh?

'Hey, sarge..'

...thanks for coming.

You bet.

Listen, I'll check back after work.

Now, you take it easy.

Oh, this is ridiculous. I hate hospitals.

- Jon. - Jon!

- Doctor! - Doctor.

- Doctor! - I can handle it.

'Doctor!'

What happened?

Tried to get out of bed and he collapsed.

He got up and passed out cold.

Do you feel nauseous?

No, I..

...was trying to get to my feet too fast, I got dizzy.

If it turns out you have a problem

you're not helping things.

In other words, stay in bed. Right, doc?

Gentlemen, you have precisely 30 seconds to say your goodbyes.

Look, Jon, do yourself a favor and stay put, huh?

Listen, if you need anything that doesn't cost

over a buck and a half, let me know.

Hey, you owe me 20.

Hey, the memory isn't all gone.

That's a good sign, Baker.

Time's up.

Come on, Ponch.

Hey, Ponch?

Yeah?

Listen, you're gonna be out there without me

so don't do anything..

...you know.

You mean dumb, right?

Yeah.

Don't worry.

I guess I'll ride alone for a change.

There's a change, Frank, uh, but you don't ride alone.

I got a partner?

You do now.

Mount up.

You mean, me and you?

You got it.

Anything we should discuss, Frank?

Well, no. Just routine, I guess.

With Jon and me, it's automatic.

I usually know what he's thinking.

Well, we'll get used to each other.

Uh, so much for the mental telepathy, huh?

Hollywood Freeway, south, Vermont on

You got it.

You must be in terrible shape.

Your doctor said I could visit you.

- I'm Wanda Lang. - I'm Jon Baker.

I caught your entrance this morning.

If your act is half that good, you'll be a smash.

Yeah, well, uh, I'm doing fine.

I'll be okay.

They tell me you're just here for the, uh, stripper's delight.

The what?

Observation.

Yeah.

Well, counting my husband

that's make three of us.

He's down the hall. I'm upstairs.

He have an accident too?

Right.

I'm gonna change the name of the act.

I can see it on the marquee now, "Speedy Lang and Me."

Wait a minute, you're in show business?

We were. In Vaudeville, not that you'd remember.

Do you want me to crank you up?

I beg your pardon?

The bed, you'll be more comfortable.

It's..

Okay. Thank you.

You know, I'm surprised you're in here alone.

They worry about empty beds.

It might mean a health epidemic.

Are you really worried about yourself?

No. I just have a phobia about hospitals.

Don't tell 'em. They'll keep you here and treat it.

I'm sorry. It's my ribs.

I know nothing else is wrong..

Anyway, I thought nothing else was.

I know, then your friends came in.

Yeah, and then the doctor comes in

and starts telling you about the internal injuries.

- Yeah.

- Right.

I think he keeps 'em in bottles.

I just love young people.

They haven't heard my jokes.

I better go before I say something funny

and crack you up entirely.

Hey, uh, excuse me.

I'm not as worried as I was.

Well, laughter is the best medicine of all.

Yeah.

After penicillin.

Right.

- Nah.

I just wanna finish this job.

I'll take the truck, get us some burgers.

What's going on

We brought you company.

What happened? How bad is he?

He got sandbagged by a tow truck.

Hey, how you feeling, huh?

Ah, feeling alright. Wish you'd get me out of this place.

Gentlemen. Out, out, out.

Out.

Take it easy, Grossman, huh?

Hey, Gross.

Grossman!

It's a jungle out there, pal.

Yeah.

It sure is.

I don't know. Two hit-and-runs. Two officers down.

No witnesses.

It's pretty coincidental, don't you think?

Well, don't take it to heart, Frank

but I think I agree with you.

Frank, we both have a lot on our minds

but the academy gave you a solution to all problems.

It's called going by the book.

'It takes the emotional qualities'

'out of your solutions.'

I remember, sarge.

Well, that's very good.

You see, I go by the book

so all you have to do is watch me, alright?

I was only kidding about the empty bed.

Is he hurt, sick or both?

Ah, he's meditating.

Wanda Lang, this is Artie Grossman.

He's a highway patrolman.

Oh, two of you together.

That reminds me of the time I had a police escort.

They let me run between two motorcycles.

How's the soup?

Mm.

What flavor is it supposed to be?

It's neutral.

'The chef lost the bone.'

The tastiest thing left is the tongue depressor.

I got a winner for you on the third it's Santa Anita.

This horse hates the jockey.

He'll be trying to get away from him.

You know, there were two hippies listening to a priest

tell about how he broke his arm in a bathtub.

And one hippie says to the other

"What's a bathtub?"

The other hippie says, "How should I know?

I'm not Catholic."

- You're not eating. - Sorry.

Loss of appetite is not abnormal under the circumstances.

How would you like a nice rubdown?

Terrific, that'd really help.

Hugo?

A rubdown for Officer Grossman, please.

Enjoy.

Get in.

No. No, please, not the children.

Why? So you can keep 'em away from me? Nobody takes my kids.

Nobody keeps my kids from me.

Nobody!

LA 15, S-4 and 7-Mary-4

in pursuit of reckless vehicle

eastbound Santa Monica at Bundy.

'All units stand by'

'15 S-4 and 7-Mary-4 in pursuit'

'eastbound Santa Monica Freeway from Bundy.'

Please, Daddy. I'm scared.

Please, daddy. Please, stop, please.

LA 15, S-4 and 7-Mary-4

'in pursuit of suspect's station wagon.'

Roll one squad car for assistance.

'Is there a car unit in position'

'to assist S'

'The suspect's vehicle is a station wagon.'

I'm gonna get in front of him and try to slow him down.

Negative, Frank. He'll stop when he's ready.

He might kill those kids.

What are you doing, Frank? Speed up.

Come up beside him so he doesn't turn on me.

Negative, Frank. Speed up.

I need some assistance, partner. Come up beside him.

I never did anything like that in my life.

I guess I flipped out.

Step out of the vehicle, please.

Turn around and put your hands on your head.

'Kids, you wanna step out?'

God, are you alright?

Okay, you wanna take care of him, Baricza?

Step over here, Frank.

I gave you an order.

You heard it and ignored it.

Don't give me any garbage about your receiver cutting out.

You won't obey your superiors

and you refuse to follow procedure.

I figured that was procedure, sarge

like a...a hostage situation.

High profile, encourage a safe surrender.

Using an 800-pound bike to slow down a 4000

You call that procedure? You call that safe?

Maybe resourceful is better.

Poncherello.

I don't know how many of these hot-dog stunts

Baker's been covering up for you

'but I'm telling you for the last time'

I won't allow it.

You understand that? Is that clear?

Perfectly, sarge.

You're absolutely right.

Oh, Frank.

Alright, open your eyes.

You and your partner were on patrol.

'You sighted two speeding cars.'

'Can you recall anything that happened'

'immediately prior to that?'

We were talking..

...about a loan.

Good.

Replay the conversation in your mind.

'You and your partner talk.'

'You see the two cars racing.'

You accelerate, speeding after them.

Hi.

Hey, the 20 bucks that I loaned you?

It was a ten, a five, four ones and some pocket change.

Now, don't tell me you don't remember that.

I'd like to try this again under controlled conditions.

You alright now?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hi, guys.

How you doing, Grossman?

Did you bring anything to eat?

See you're feeling better.

Yeah, he loves it here.

He's acting like an intern ever since he came outta shock.

I was comatose, not in shock.

Ribs look fine.

I was concerned about the clavicle

and the upper sternum.

That's where the pain is localized.

- 'Oh, no.'

It's just unusual though for a patient

to insist on seeing his x-rays.

Some physicians resent a second opinion.

Listen, when are you gonna get me outta here?

Hey, Jon, I'm sorry the hypnotherapy didn't work.

I was hoping you'd give us a description of the driver.

I can recall every detail.

Was there anything you didn't put in your report?

No, just the acid-etched image of that chain snaking toward me.

If you'd just give us the license number.

Maybe we should try hypnosis on you.

It's been tried before.

It doesn't work.

Okay, we'll check with you later.

- Yeah.

How about a uniform and a motor?

- Uh-uh. - I could use some Fig Newtons.

You sense any hostility towards Getraer?

Getraer

He's assumed your relationship with Ponch.

You must feel some resentment.

Hey, why don't you just shut up?

Redirected hostility.

These attacks are unprovoked..

...and unexplained.

Now, Officer Grossman has given us an MO to watch for

but that doesn't mean that the tow truck's

the only thing that we have to worry about.

There's reason to believe that the driver's the same one

who used the Firebird to trap Officer Baker.

'I don't have to tell you that we're high visibility targets'

'so, uh, please, until we nail this guy'

'use extra caution.'

'And check your motors before you mount.'

'If you see anything that looks dangerous or suspicious'

'assume that it's dangerous.'

Okay.

Did the Langs go home? I haven't seen Wanda this morning.

Wanda's husband had a crisis last night.

He's been in surgery all morning.

Oh, no.

Well, is he gonna make it?

It's touch and go.

She sat with him all night holding his hand.

You know, Wanda visits other people and..

...tells jokes and..

...tries to cheer everybody else up.

Defense mechanism, Jon.

It's a kind of manic self-deception.

Hey, Wanda.

Gee whiz, for a minute there I thought

you'd suffered a double relapse.

No, nothing like that.

Well, it wouldn't surprise me. Things are rough all over.

I have this friend who owns an unpainted furniture store.

Vandals broke in and painted everything.

This is the first time I ever worked a wax museum.

Wanda, we know about your husband. How's he doing?

Thanks, but it's nothing to cry about.

Come on.

It's okay. He came through. He's alright.

What are you crying for, huh?

Well, if you really wanna know, I'm scared.

Wanda.

Nothing to be scared of, here.

I know, I know, Jon, oh.

I know, but...he nearly broke up the act.

We've had so many years together.

So many great things have happened, so much fun and..

...all of a sudden..

...the future seemed important.

'And we're running outta time.'

Seems like we haven't done anything.

What do you wanna do?

Well, I just wanna hang on...to him.

First, I wanna get him well

and then I just wanna hang on.

I know him.

He'll need some reason, you know what I mean?

Something to look forward to.

Have you ever thought about going back to work?

Are you kidding? Ha!

My jokes are so old

they've got moss on the north side.

They're new to me.

Yeah, listen, I could fill a room full of guys

that never heard 'em before.

Big deal. A room full of two.

Oh, come on. We needed you.

'We were down and you brought us up.'

'Don't you understand there's places like this'

all over the country that have people

that can use a laugh.

Huh?

Well, let's see then.

Um, I have this other friend who's in the garment industry

'and things were so bad, he decided to commit suicide.'

So, he jumps out the window

and lands on 14 dozen overcoats that were returned.

Hey, listen.

I got a couple of jobs promised. I'll need extra parts.

Oh, hey, listen.

Don't hotdog it!

Okay?

Look out, sarge.

'15 7-Adam en route to assist 7-Mary-3.'

After all I said to you

about procedure and going by the book

that move you made riding me off

was the most cockamamie, oddball

shoestring thing to do.

Wrong again, huh?

How'd you know he was setting me up?

Sometimes I just sense these things.

Well, Frank, you picked the right time to be resourceful.

Sometimes it's the only way.

Exactly. That's why it is recommended by the book.

'Besides, that's the same way Jon got dropped.'

Okay, Grossie, keep your spirits up

and, uh, I'll come and visit you.

Looking forward to it.

Alrighty, Officer Baker, here we go.

- You've been released.

- I'm seeing you to the door. - You got to be kidding me.

I'm gonna be on a motor in an hour.

No, you won't. You're off today.

Bow to the system, please.

Or I'll have to send for Hugo.

'Procedure, Jon.'

The final indignity.

Uh-ha! Sneaking out on me, weren't you?

Oh, no, I wanted to see you before I left.

Well, actually I'm responsible for your release.

Things are bad out there.

I bought a dog for protection.

Got mugged by a guy with a bigger dog.

I guess your husband's better?

Well, if you mean better than nothing, you're close.

Anyway, I plan on keeping him around.

Well, I'd like to meet him sometime.

Why not?

When we play at your jail

I'll reserve a number for you.

Wait a minute, you mean you're going back to work?

Don't blame me. It was your idea.

Hospitals, jails

any place where the audience can't escape.

Well, that's wonderful. You hear that, Grossie?

Break a leg.

- Okay, catch you later. - See you later, Jon.

You bet.

I think this is where I say, "Thanks, trooper

for helping a lady through an emotional traffic jam."

Well, listen, if anyone owes any thanks around here

it's from me to you.

A curtain line if I ever heard one.

Okay. I'll see you in jail.

Bye.

Uh..

Bye-bye.

Hey, did you hear the one

about the mother pigeon that was teaching..

Hey, hey, hey. Be-be careful.

You're a nervous wreck, do you know that?

And you're driving me crazy.

- I'm cautious. - You're paranoid.

And I'm not gonna put up with it anymore.

They knock off armored trucks every day.

Don't you read the papers?

This is my last trip with you. You hear that?

Because I'm, I'm cautious?

The time to be cautious is outside

when we make the pick up.

That's what a holdup man would think

he'd figure we'd be off guard now.

Do you know what some guys would do

just to get their hands on these coins?

Will you sit down and shut up? You're making me jumpy.

- Go on. - Let me close this thing.

Look out!

C-control 1

this is Unit 9.

We've been hit on the freeway.

It's a mayday.

Are you alright in there?

Hold it, right there.

What's wrong with you? That's a cop!

He's dressed like a cop.

Now, move out slowly

and keep your hands in sight.

Anyone injured in there?

No one injured. We're under orders.

We can't come out.

Well, I got my orders too and you represent

'a distraction to the motorists.'

I'm calling for a tow truck.

I'll wait outside.

We'll wait here till we hear from the office.

The radio's out.

Look, if this is a setup, they'll grab you for a hostage.

- Oh! - Oh!

Did you ever hear a a more suspicious guy, huh?

Hey, you'd be a little hinky too

if you had that much money to carry around.

Hey, there's a tow truck coming up behind me.

Looks like you guys can use one.

What we need is a psychiatrist.

Those rent-a-cops in there won't believe this isn't an hold up.

And their radio is out, so they can't reach the dispatcher.

So, what do we do?

Maybe you look more like a policeman than we do.

- Okay.

Hey, Ponch, come on. I know that tow truck driver.

Get out.

Put your right hand on your head.

You okay?

I'm getting better by the minute.

It's all coming back to you, huh?

I remember the 20 bucks you owe me for

the two tickets to the Laker game, you and your girl.

Hmm, rings a bell.

Yeah, I'll see you at payday.

Well, I've yelled till I'm hoarse

and those two paranoids still won't come out.

Well, we thought you'd at least have it

up on its wheels by now.

I had to send for a bigger tow truck.

What's going on here?

This mess should've been cleared up an hour ago.

I'm afraid this is one situation

that isn't covered by the book, sarge.

Frank, everything is covered by the book.

How many times do I have to tell you that?

Come on, fellas.

You hear me in there?

We heard you.

Go away.

Maybe if you cited chapter and verse from the book.