Original subtitles

Aw, come on, Ponch. We're gonna be late again.

Would you hurry up?

Hey, Ponch! Briefing's in 30 minutes!

If we're late again--

'Hang on, partner.'

'We'll make it with time to spare.'

Besides, we haven't been late in three days.

- Good morning, partner. - Good morning.

And you know, Getraer doesn't

'give out gold stars for that.'

Hey, old buddy, anything is possible

when you got good karma like me.

Good karma?

Yeah, I'm a Scorpio, old buddy.

'So?'

So the moon's in Saturn right now.

Oh, and that gives you good karma?

'You got it.'

Yeah, well, we better hurry up

because, uh, Getraer doesn't give out late passes

no matter where your moon is or what it's in.

Hey!

My watch! My wallet! Hey!

Come back here! Come back!

Come back here!

Miss E

Yeah, that's what I call starting the day off right.

Yeah, well, you two better quit meeting like this

or you're gonna end up kissing the back door of an 18-wheeler.

Well, sometimes I think it'd be worth it, partner.

Look at her. She's a work of art.

Hey, mister, what's the matter with you?

This-this guy came along

and-and he ripped my watch right off my wrist.

And-and then he went inside my pocket

and-and took out my wallet.

Hey, try and calm yourself. Now who are you talking about?

This-this crazy, bearded guy

on-on-on-on-on a wild motorcycle.

I-i-if you hurry, y-y-you can catch him.

Okay. In the meantime, why don't you pull your car

over to the shoulder, and, uh, we'll be back

in a minute or send another unit.

Thanks.

Uh, excuse me, miss.

Have a light, please?

- Thank you.

What are you doing?

Come back here! Give me back my purse!

There he is.

LA 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4 in pursuit of possible 211 suspect

'headed south on Riverside off of 5.'

End of the road, hot dog.

LA 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4, pursuit is code 4.

A 7 Adam is en route.

Alright, where's the loot?

You ain't gonna find nothing on me, pig.

Hey, do me a favor.

Save the compliments for the judge.

Nothing on him, Baker.

Hey, the bike's clean. He must have ditched everything.

Not bad, dude.

You learned that before or after reform school?

Yeah, I don't have to rap with you.

I wanna talk to my lawyer.

Oh, yeah.

We don't wanna do anything

to infringe on your rights, do we, now?

Good goin' there, guys.

That's some real nice riding there, J.B.

You drive a mean machine.

What? I bust you before or something?

Give it some time. It'll come to you.

Oh, you're gonna have plenty of that, buddy.

- Book him, Bar, 2-11. - Right, Ponch.

Hey, you know him?

Yeah. I, uh..

I don't know. I know the face--

Ah, he probably just read your nameplate.

Yeah, maybe that's it.

Hey, Jon.

Ah.

Ponch, come on. It's just a picture.

Yeah, but, what a view.

Makes me wanna take the day off and go to the beach.

Yeah, well, uh, I have a feeling you better invite Getraer

'cause I think he wants to see ya today.

You know, that guy on the bike really messed my shirt up.

Hey, you remember that gang fight

under the San Berdoo, uh, last month?

'Uh-huh.'

I wonder if that dude was one of their leaders.

Nah, both of them were under 6 feet.

Hey, why don't you forget it?

The 211 was just probably trying to psyche you out, you know?

[woman on police radio speaking indistinctly]

Yeah. I guess you're right.

Sure, I'm right. It happens all the time, partner.

Oh, brother. Come on.

Hey, Miss E-Z ON.

There's the big Gross and little Fritz.

Hope you brought notes from your mamas

'cause you guys, uh, missed homeroom today

and Getraer's carrying a very big stick.

Ah, maybe we ought to avoid Getraer altogether today, Ponch

and just go on patrol.

Yeah. Let's go on the beach.

You too, huh, Ponch?

'Huh?'

The whole world's in love with Miss E-Z ON.

Yeah. Too bad she isn't real, you know?

She's real enough to the Getraer's.

Wait a minute.

What are you talking about?

The chick.

The model. Miss E-Z ON.

She's a friend of the Getraer's family or something.

You're kidding.

You wouldn't be putting me on, would you, Art?

Me, kid you? No, why would I?

No, no, no, allow me.

For my favorite sergeant.

Cream or sugar?

Uh, I usually take my hot chocolate black, Frank.

Uh, well, hey, coffee will keep you from falling asleep, sarge.

Well, I sincerely hope so, Frank.

It's only, uh, 9:30 in the morning.

- Uh, which reminds me-- - Here we go, sarge.

No need to say thanks. Anytime.

How courteous of you and Baker, uh

not to disrupt briefing as usual by walking in late.

Am I to conclude that

you're not going to be walking in at all from now on?

Uh, yeah, well, uh, look.

We ran into a little emergency on the way in

and, uh, you'll hear all about it, sarge.

- I'll tell ya. - I'm sure I will.

Hey, listen.

You gotta do me a favor, sarge.

I'm busy Frank. Can't you see that?

You gotta set me up with Miss E-Z ON--

What

Yeah, a date, sarge.

Look, have I ever asked

for personal favors before, huh, sarge?

It's your old pal.

Look, she's single, right? Please tell me she's single.

Yeah, Janey's single, Frank. But, uh..

I knew it!

She's single, and I'm single.

Oh, it's a match made in heaven, sarge.

Look, Frank, take my word for it.

She's not the one for you.

- She's-- - I know. I know.

Personal business on off-duty hours.

Sure, I'll be glad to talk to you about it later.

Ah, but right now..

...I'm going out there

I'm gonna catch every violator in the city.

Anything. Anything for the good of the department.

And for the best commanding officer in the CHP.

Right, Frank.

- Did I ever!

Hey, we got Joe all wrong.

He's really a good dude.

He's gonna set me up with Miss E-Z ON.

And her name's..

...Janey.

You mean Getraer said he'd do that?

'Yeah.'

- You're kidding me.

Hey, really?

Well, not exactly. I mean, not yet.

- But he will. - Oh. Mm-hm.

Come on, partner. We gotta hit the bricks.

'I gotta make some points for Getraer.'

Does Getraer know what he's doing?

You got me.

Whoo!

You know, maybe I know that guy from the beach yesterday.

The one with the baseball bat.

No way, he got 30 days for assault.

He's still in the slammer.

Oh, yeah, right.

I don't know. I know that face from somewhere.

Hey, this thing seems to be really bugging you, huh?

Yeah, a little bit.

I mean, no one's called me "J.B." since high school.

Did you check the arrest report for his name?

I haven't had a chance to talk to Baricza yet.

Well, listen, just take it easy, okay?

Let your subconscious work on it.

Meanwhile, we have got to do a righteous job today

so Getraer will set me up with Miss E-Z ON.

We? Where are you getting this "we" stuff all the time?

Hey, old buddy. Maybe she's got a sister.

Thank you.

'Let me ask you a question.'

'Are you aware what happened?'

Are you aware you that you had trucks in back of you?

Then, why did you slam down on the brake?

What's the matter with you, lady?

There's nothing the matter with me.

Oh, this conversation is pointless.

A caravan like that should not be allowed on city streets.

'And you were speeding..'

Hey, the Janus Shows. I heard they were coming to town.

Yeah, pretty lousy debut.

Axle's busted.

Won't be able to move it over to the side, that's for sure.

Uh, hey, Ponch.

Why don't you, uh, check this traffic out?

I'll see what these people are doing.

'Answer the question.'

'Are you aware that there were six trucks'

'riding right back at you?'

'They were speeding.'

Speeding? Fifteen miles an hour.

You call that speeding? Let me tell you something--

No. Let me tell you.

I'm not standing here any longer

and taking your rude tirade.

You listen to me.. Oh, officer.

The officer is here. He'll take care of everything.

You know how these women are.

Let's step over here and continue the debate, okay?

Continue the debate here.

- Let's get this cleared up. - The law.

Now justice will be done.

The only justice that you'll see today

is when they take your license away.

How dare you?

You'll hear from my insurance company.

Are you kidding? Look at this.

We were suppose to be down at the fairground an hour ago.

How are they gonna start the opening-day parade

without the star attraction?

- M-my baby, Effie.

Effie. Oh, my. Come here. Follow me, officer. Come here.

Effie, wait a minute!

I'm coming, dear! Wait a minute!

Whoa!

Excuse me.

I knew that's what was gonna happen.

That's what I was afraid. Effie is upset!

Who

Oh, God. That's it.

Come on. Atta girl. Come on. Come on

Someone get Effie's stand.

Come on. Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Atta girl.

Hey, it won't run into the crowd, will it?

No, all she need is exercise.

She's been cooped up in the wagon too long.

And, uh, officer, Effie is a-a she, not an it.

Well, does she listen to you?

Ah-ha! The best-trained elephant in the whole world.

Hey, watch this. Come on, over here. Over here.

Come on. Come on. What a babe. Alright.

I'll call it in, Ponch.

Hey, Effie. Come on, baby. Come on, sweetheart. Come on.

Chug, chug. Up, up, up. Come on.

Effie, up, up. Atta girl.

Atta girl, come on. Atta girl.

The dispatch said it'd take 20 minutes

before a tow truck could get here.

Yeah, well, it doesn't matter, anyway.

Nobody's in a hurry.

Okay, up. Chug.

Hey, Effie's doing our job, huh?

Yeah, some, uh, crowd control, huh?

Really, if only Effie could tow a truck.

- Yeah.

Hey.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking, huh?

Okay, Emilio.

That's it. Slowly, that's it.

We got it. Okay, baby. Good, Effie.

Good, baby. Good. Ha-ha-ha! Hey, how's that, huh?

Very good.

Hey, when do the dancing bears come on?

Uh, you missed the main event, Bar.

You two really pick 'em.

- Oh, no. No, thanks.

Uh, Effie's got everything under control.

Nice. It's better than a tow unit.

Yeah, and a little faster too.

Oh, uh, by the way, Jon

your old teammate's gonna make bail in about an hour.

What do you mean, my old teammate?

You know, the 211 biker you and Ponch came down on?

Leo Norrison.

Oh, yeah, of course. Leo Norrison of high school.

He mentioned something about high school.

That he was the Joe Namath of your football team.

Yeah, he wasn't joking. That guy was really good.

The guy I stopped yesterday, I mean

no way that was the Leo Norrison I used to know.

He isn't gonna go steal from..

I don't think he'd steal from people. Huh.

I'll take the point.

- Hey, Bar, uh, thanks a lot. - Sure.

[woman on police radio talking indistinctly]

You, uh, hey, you really knew this Norrison, huh?

Yeah. On the grid.

I mean I played a lot of ball with him.

He was a year ahead of me, but..

...that guy was really good.

Hey, I used to play football.

What?

Yeah.

Okay, Effie. Hey, look at this.

Effie, come on.

Let's give a nice goodbye standup

for the nice policemen, huh?

'Atta girl, come on.'

Up, up, up, up, up.

'Hey, Bar.'

'Hey, Ponch, easy with that stuff, huh?'

'You already look like you've been sleeping'

with your head in a microwave oven.

Listen, it makes me feel closer to Janey. You mind?

I wouldn't get too wrapped up over that girl.

I mean, you know how blind dates are.

Come on, Jon. It's not a blind date.

Look.

That's Janey.

Okay, Ponch, we got one.

- Good afternoon, sir.

I'm sorry but we paced you at, 87 miles per hour.

May I see your driver's license and registration, please?

Well, that's impossible, because I was watchin' it.

Hey, what is this box for?

'Well, offhand, I'd say that that is a $500 nothing.'

'It's suppose to monitor, uh, radar waves.'

You mean, you spent $500 to, uh, ward off radar?

Well, that ain't all I got.

Let me show you something else up here.

'Uh, to ward off radar, right?'

Right.

Now, let me show you something else over here.

You'll love this.

Now, that is a thing of beauty, ain't it, huh?

Uh, that's radar too, right?

Oh, yeah, right.

I mean I've to have some way to, you know

have an even chance with you guys, don't I?

'Listen, uh, Mr. York, I'm sure that stuff's effective'

but the California Highway Patrol really doesn't use radar.

You, uh..

You-you-you don't use any radar?

You don't-you don't use radar, huh?

Oh, boy.

Hey, Jon. You sure you wanna go through with this?

Ponch, come on, he was a teammate of mine, alright?

Was,Jon. Was.Come on, now.

We've all had high school buddies who've taken dives.

I just want to do something for the guy.

Okay, okay.

What do you say there, Leo?

How are you doing there, J.B.?

I don't expect you to be down here.

Yeah, I thought maybe I could help out, you know.

Maybe find out, what happened to the guy most likely to succeed.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's not suppose to mean anything.

Oh, yeah.

You just come here to call me a loser and improve your image.

- Hey, Leo, uh-- - Lighten up, Norrison.

You know, he didn't have to come down to see you. You know that?

Hey, Ponch, back off, okay? I'll handle it alone.

Yeah, you ought to take it easy, C.H.I.P.

or you're liable to get your shirt dirty again.

Hey, Ponch, I'll handle it!

Okay?

- Uh, listen, I-- - I gotta catch a bus, huh.

What do you mean, they didn't release your bike?

Ha. I gotta go downtown and get it outta hock.

I had to put up something to make bail.

Come on, Leo. I mean, what's with you, huh?

Stealing a watch. A purse here and there.

What's the deal, huh?

Guy's gotta make a living, don't he?

You call that making a living?

Come on, that's low tide, I mean especially from a guy like you.

Hey, what do you really know about me?

It's been four years, man.

I just know you had promise, man.

You're supposed to succeed, right?

And, uh, just between you and I

everybody in that school used to think that

that you were the guy to look up to.

Well, that was back then.

Some people get the breaks and some don't.

Now, what's that suppose to mean?

That means that I didn't go to college on that scholarship.

I didn't even pass the entrance exam.

Everybody thought I was off at school. I was in the Army.

Instead of getting a diploma, I got a dishonorable discharge.

I hit an officer.

- A captain.

He made me do things I didn't want to, nobody does that to me.

Nobody.

Hey, I used to be a real leader in high school.2

You remember that, J.B.?

Yeah, I remember.

They don't hire leaders with dishonorables.

Now, so, uh, in the meantime, you just kinda buzz in

and steal a purse here, a gold watch--

Hey, I take from those that got it. And I need it.

Oh, of course, man. You're Robin Hood, right?

Sure, you know what you need?

You know what you really need is a job.

Oh, no. I can't cut it in those tracks.

The grooves are too deep, man.

Yeah.

Well, uh, you know where to find me, right?

Besides, I think I make a better deal than the, uh, judge.

J.B.?

'Yeah?'

See you around, huh?

Well, is he the Leo you used to know?

Uh, I think maybe he's a question mark.

'Ah, my crazy grandson.'

'He gets himself arrested.'

'I have to come down on a hot day.'

'Why me, oh, Lord? Shirley Abel.'

What did I do to deserve this?

What?

Why me, oh, Lord? Shirley Abel.

'What have I ever done to deserve this?'

Excuse, ma'am. Could we call the auto club?

Could he call the auto club?

Is it my business he calls the auto club?

It's none of my business you call the auto club.

I'm not a member of the auto club.

Well-well, maybe we could--

What are you, a shill for the auto club?

They ride around all day plugging the auto club.

They ride around all day plugging the auto club.

Uh, lady, we're just trying to help you.

'Oh! Now they tell me they're trying to help.'

Why didn't you think of that before you arrested my grandson

and made me come down here on a hot day

and-and pick him up in this crazy car? Agh!

Lady, we're not resp..

Well, if she feels that way about it, let's go.

Hey, we can't just leave her here. I mean..

Uh, what's it gonna look like?

Hey, not as bad as it looks just standing here watching her.

Excuse me, could you do us a favor and let

Oh, favors, now they're asking.

You think I haven't changed a tire, huh?

I've changed thousands of tires.

I'm sure you have, ma'am, but--

How would you know? Besides, who asked you?

It doesn't fit.

Uh, ma'am, that's a lock lug. Uh, you're gonna need a key.

A what?

'A lock lug, you understand?'

Certainly, I understand. It needs a key.

Alright, here.

Excuse me, ma'am. That's the ignition key.

He knows everything.

You're such a know Do it yourself.

Ugh.

Thank you, ma'am.

There we go.

Okay, Ponch.

Hey, careful. Careful. Haste makes waste, young man.

Did-didn't anyone ever tell you that?

Nobody ever told him that.

'Okay, Ponch, that's enough.'

Get 'em on straight. You don't get 'em on straight

the wheel could fall off.

You hear me?

Does he hear? Does he hear?

Yes, he does. Yes, he does.

- Okay, Ponch. - Okay.

Okay, that does it.

All done, huh?

Let me tell you something, you guys.

You're just starting.

'Yeah, an elephant sat on my car.'

'Hold it. Hold it. Wait a minute.'

A-Are you telling me an elephant sat on that car?

Yeah, sarge. He did.

They were there. Tell him, guys.

- Tell him about the elephant. - Oh, come on, Bar.

You can't expect the sergeant to believe that story.

Hey, hey, come on, guys. Give me a break.

Hey, even I could've come up with a better one than that.

Yeah, Baricza. Uh, you're gonna have to do a better than that.

Yeah, I mean, you gotta be more original. Come on.

Look, uh, why don't you try putting it in writing, huh?

And come to the point in the first 10 pages, hm?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, how's the world treating my favorite sergeant, sarge?

Oh, I can't complain, Frank.

What can I do for you?

Um, did you do any thinking about our little proposal

Oh, y-you mean Janey.

Yeah, I've been doing some thinking about it, Frank.

And, uh, I still think she's not quite right for you, but uh--

- Hey.. - You know, what the heck.

I was single once myself, right?

You were? I mean..

I mean, of course you were. Sure.

Yeah, yeah. I gave, uh, I gave Janey a call.

Uh, she lives with her father.

And she's, uh, agreed to, uh, you know

get together with you tomorrow night.

Sarge, you've made me a happy man. I don't know what to say.

Wait. You wanna prove it to me, Frank?

Yeah, sure, how?

Go out and do a righteous job

on the freeway today, huh?

- Oh, you got it. - Okay. Heh, heh, heh.

Come on, you heard the man. Jonathan, let's go.

What's this "Jonathan"?

Hey, is something going on here?

No.

Uh, never mind. I don't wanna know.

What is this, the Ontario Speedway?

Yeah, this is the first time anyone tried to smoke us out.

Oh, no.

- Chippies.

One more ticket, they're gonna cancel my old man's insurance.

He's gonna take it outta my hide, Sandy.

'Hang tight, everybody.'

'Yeah. Ya-hoo!'

Everybody okay here?

'Yeah.'

- Come on, let's step out. - Come on. Get out.

That was some trip you took us on, Jay.

'Next time, we'll take a bus.'

'Now what'll your old man do?'

Aw, shut up!

Well, if you Chippies hadn't come up on me

from behind like that, then none of this would've happened.

Hey, come on. Why don't you tell it like it is, man?

You almost broke the sound barrier.

And you were creating a traffic hazard with this smoke bomb.

Let me see your driver's license and registration, please.

- God.

And why don't you, uh turn off the engine?

Oh, man.

Jon.

Is somebody back there?

Lance and Paula.

Oh, man, there wasn't any more room up front.

I mean, we were just foolin' around.

Come on, open it right now.

It probably jammed when you had the accident.

The back seat. Come on.

Pull, Ponch. Pull it.

Fritz, call the paramedics now!

They're asphyxiated.

Right away. I'll get an ETA.

Go on, take deep breaths.

Alright. No, no. Stay down.

Just breathe.

Yeah, she's coming around, Ponch.

Are they gonna be alright?

Yeah, I think so.

Hey, I don't like lectures, so I'll keep this short.

That was a stupid stunt.

You stay calm, okay? You're gonna be alright.

Yeah, that's the way. Just breathe deep.

See you later, Fritz.

Well, I guess that's a wrap for us, Ponch.

Uh, ha-ha, not quite. Take a look.

Looks like you made the deal with the judge instead of me

huh, Leo?

Why don't you give it up, J.B.? You're just wastin' your time.

You know what? You never even gave me time.

All you've to do was give me a call--

What's the difference?

You know what your problem is, J.B.?

You let your optimism run away with you.

We just ain't playing on the same team anymore.

You got that one right.

So let's go check out your new uniform, huh?

Oh, hi, come on in.

You must be Officer Poncherello. I'm Janey's father.

Hi. Ponch. Everybody calls me Ponch, sir.

Alright. Alright, Ponch. Come on in.

Uh, have an horsd'oeuvre, uh, cocktail, whatever you like.

Sarge, what are you doing here?

Oh, well, I just thought I'd, uh, drop by, Frank.

Make the proper introductions.

Hey, that's real nice of you. Thank you.

Hey, look. A-Anytime. Anytime.

- Okay.

'Janey, honey? Come on in, sweetheart.'

Your young man's here.

Hi.

So you're a friend of Uncle Joe's.

Another real-life highway patrolman.

You're putting me on.

This has gotta be Janey's kid sister, huh?

Oh, no, no. Janey's an only child, Frank.

I think she photographs, uh, older that she is, don't you?

Did you see me on the billboards?

I'm gonna do a TV commercial next week.

How old are you?

Fifteen on my next birthday.

Fifteen, huh?

- Hi, Ponch. - Hi, Ponch.

- Howdy, Ponch. - Hey, hey.

Uh, I just found out an hour ago.