Original subtitles

- Market is about to open. - What's the price?

- 55.13.

- So we only need to get it up three points

by the end of the day. Easy.

- 3.01.

If we're at 58.14 by the end of the day,

we all keep our jobs. 58.13, we're all fired.

- We're gonna make it.

All of Wall Street watches this show.

We just gotta hit the talking points.

- Right, $10,000 Pika is the most affordable car

in its class.

It's available for pre-order starting today.

- And if they ask why we're selling direct...

- How about, "The dealers hated it so much,

they refused to sell it."

- No, not that one.

- The Pika is a car for the people,

so why not offer it directly to the people?

- Wow, I almost believed that, and I know you're lying.

- And if you get asked a question that you can't handle,

just say, "I feel positive and confident about it."

- I've done a lot of TV, Sade. I'm a pro.

They won't even need to edit me.

- Well, it's live, so they can't.

- Wait, what?

What if I say something I'm not supposed to

and there's not take backs.

Like, what if I suddenly just start shouting "penis."

- Why would you start shouting "penis"?

- 'Cause I'm not supposed to.

- Wesley, just breathe,

and remember, "I'm positive and confident."

- Positive and confident. Positive and confident.

Okay, that helps.

- You know, it's funny now that Wesley said the word "penis"

it's all I can think about. - [sighs]

- Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

Penis.

- ♪ Bom bom bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

[chorus vocalizing]

- Making another interest rate hike by the Fed

all but certain.

The Payne Pika launches this morning.

We'll talk about it after the break.

- And we're clear. Two minutes.

- Positive and confident. Positive and confident.

- You guys will be seated here, Katherine in the middle,

Wesley on the end.

- Dan Abbas, glad you could make it.

- Katherine Hastings. Thanks for having us.

- Positive and confident. - Hi.

- Wesley. - Oh, uh, sorry.

Wesley Penis. Pleasure.

[clears throat]

Positive and confident. - [chuckles]

- Positive and confident.

- You said I'd be answering questions about the car.

You didn't say I'd be standing next to it

on national television.

- Okay, You hate the Pika. I get it.

- You do? 'Cause I thought I was being subtle.

- Look, all our jobs depend on you selling this thing.

So can you please just try to act excited about it?

- Helen Mirren couldn't act excited about this turd.

Fine.

I'm excited about the Pika.

- Ten seconds until live.

- Oh, I've got all this saliva in my mouth.

There's like, a ton of it. What do I do?

Do I spit it out? - Just swallow it.

Just swallow it. - Okay.

- Just swallow it.

- It's too much, too much. I can't.

- Swallow it. - I can't.

- Swallow it. - I can't.

- The Pika, Payne's new $10,000 car,

starts taking pre-orders today.

Here to talk about it are Payne Motors CEO

Katherine Hastings... - Great to be here, Dan.

- And also investor and Payne family member Wesley Payne.

- Hi, Dan. Oh.

- Ugh, God. - Oh, oh.

- You all right over there?

- Sorry.

I got some bad saliva advice earlier.

- I think--you know, I think we're just

all salivating over the sales that are projected

for the Pika. - Nice recovery.

- Auto companies are always racing to add features

to their cars. - Yes.

- But you've gone in a different direction.

- Yeah, you know, Dan, the Pika has two features

that other cars don't.

- Why is he just staring into the camera like that?

- Is he having a stroke?

- Nah, his face would be drooping to one side by now.

He's probably [bleep] his pants though.

- Now, Cyrus, you designed the Pika.

What can you tell us about

reducing cost without sacrificing safety or function?

- Dan, I gotta tell you,

this is one hell of a car we have for you today.

Whoo-hoo! Wow!

She's a beaut!

I mean, from the roofs to the wheels,

these cars are steals.

And you can only get it at one place.

That's www.paynepika.com.

- He's coming on a bit strong. - Yeah, it's a lot.

- ♪ We've got Payne Pikas in Detroit city ♪

♪ That's a capital P, and that rhymes with C ♪

♪ And that stands for cool

- [sighs] - Uh...sounds like he's a fan.

- Yeah, well, I know the enthusiasm

might seem like a lot or maybe even too much,

but we're all just so excited about what's happening

over at Payne.

We're turning a corner,

and we have watched our profit margins grow

very steadily over the last two quarters.

- Guys, we're surging.

- Really? - Yeah, we're already up

almost two points. Look.

I think we're gonna make it. - Oh, boy.

- What? Uh-uh. What-- what's oh, boy?

- Dan, there's a breaking news story.

- Um, is it a good breaking news story?

- Since when has there been a good breaking news story?

- And, you know, the glory days are back.

I feel-- - I'm so sorry to interrupt,

Katherine, but we are getting a story out of China.

The Port of Shanghai has been shut down

due to Typhoon Meilin.

The markets are already reacting

given that the port... - Oh, we're dropping.

- The whole market's dropping. - Come on, baby.

I need you to go up. Go up.

- Yeah, I don't think that's gonna save it.

- Looks like the Nasdaq has already taken a major slump,

and the Dow is in near freefall.

And who knows how much lower it could go?

- Oh, or higher. Or higher, right?

Or how much higher will it go,

you know, for companies like ours

that are so well-positioned for a, uh, um, uh,

a typhoon, yeah.

- I feel positive and confident about it.

- We will continue our discussion

in what is shaping up to be a brutal day for the markets

after the break.

- Oh, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis.

Oh, I was scared I was gonna say it.

- And we're clear.

[bell ringing]

- Thanks for coming.

- Kind of makes you miss the fire.

- Yeah, I think that went well.

- Yeah.

.

- I mean, the whole market's down, right?

It's not just us.

They can't fire us for a hurricane surely.

- Please, Soren hates me so much he probably started

the [bleep] hurricane just to get rid of me.

- It's a typhoon. - What's the difference?

- There isn't one, really. It's basically the same thing.

- Definitely worth correcting me then.

- It was just bad luck.

There's literally nothing we could've done

that would've made any difference whatsoever.

- Mm, screaming "penis" a bunch of times

probably didn't help us. - But it didn't hurt us.

- Guys, this isn't over. We still have five hours.

We just need a plan.

- Is there anything we could do with, like,

moving them numbers around on paper to make it look like

we're worth more than we really are?

- Right. Can anyone beat Jack's accounting fraud plan?

- Ooh, what about that guy from Morgan Stanley

that everyone listens to?

- John Hampton? - Yeah.

He's had us as a sell ever since I started.

What if we got him to make us a buy?

- I've tried to get a meeting with him; he says no.

- Well there's something you all should know about me.

I don't take no for an answer.

- I actually did know that. - Hey, driver, change of plans.

We're going to Morgan Stanley.

- Wait, so we're all just gonna ambush him at his office?

- Mm, good point.

Uh, driver, just pull over.

Elliot, Sadie, come with me.

Everyone else, you can just go back to the office.

- You're just gonna kick us out on the side of the road?

- Look, guys, I know things look tough, okay,

but I don't give up.

So what are we gonna do?

- Get that stock up.

- No. - Take an Uber home?

- No, that's not-- - Trust ourselves

and know that teamwork can--

- Not--not give up.

I--what I literally just said, okay?

What are we gonna do?

[together] Not give up.

- Not gonna give up.

- Oh, it just sounds awkward.

All right, what are we not gonna do?

[together] Give up.

- Now it sort of sounds like we're chanting "give up."

- Showing up unannounced to his office

just feels a touch aggressive.

- Oh, it's extremely aggressive.

You can't be too aggressive.

- It's great, because it's inappropriate.

It's almost unhinged. He'll never see it coming.

- Hi, we need to speak to John Hampton.

- Oh, I'm sorry. He can't today.

- Oh, I think that he can today.

You tell him it's Katherine Hastings,

it's urgent, and I won't take no for an answer.

- John was rushed to the hospital this morning

after his appendix burst.

- Okay, this feels really aggressive.

- Cannot be too aggressive.

- Look, guys, we can't give up.

Katherine's not giving up.

There's got to be something simple we're not thinking of.

- Right, something simple that adds five points

to our stock price in the next four hours.

Hmm, oh,

why don't we just up Warren Buffett

and see if he'll invest a few hundred mil?

Jack, you have him on speed dial, right?

- Ha-ha, good one, Cyrus.

You should be the chief sarcastic officer.

- I mean, theoretically if we just said

Warren Buffett was investing, other people would follow.

By the time they found out we were lying,

the markets would be closed.

- Period. - Yeah.

that would be a fun story to tell the other inmates

while you're begging for redemption at Shawshank.

- Okay, hey, hey, hey.

What if we didn't say he was investing,

but we just implied it,

like, we took a photo of him meeting with us

and leaked it online?

- And how do we lure him here, exactly,

put out milk and cookies and hope he climbs

down the chimney?

- Ooh, what if we got an impersonator, right?

We had a Michael Jackson lookalike

for my nephew's birthday party, and the kids loved him.

This was before the documentary.

- Or hey, why even bother with that?

Let's just stick the janitor into a business suit

and pretend like he's Warren Buffett, right?

[laughs]

That's funny, right?

- Hi. Knock-knock.

Hey, John.

Hi. Katherine Hastings, Payne Motors.

This is our CCO, Sadie Ryan.

- Hey, I left you a couple voice mails.

- Elliot Chisholm, our chief counsel.

Gotcha a little pick-me-up from the gift shop.

W-why are you just standing there?

- I don't like all the germs, fluids, and that.

- Give him the bear. - Yeah, all right.

Here you go.

Enjoy it in good health.

- Okay, thank you.

- John, I know the timing's not ideal,

but I'd love to share with you

some of our financial forecasts for next year.

Sadie, can you, um, help him?

- Oh, you mean, just-- yeah, sure.

Here we go.

- [groans] - Sorry, John.

- Yeah, I think you're really gonna like

what you see here, John.

- [coughs] - [bleep] me.

Just put on a mask, mate.

- Is this--which is more?

- It's not that difficult.

- He totally looks like Warren Buffett.

- Mm, not really.

- Hey, it fits great. Thanks, Robert.

Okay, Bronislaw, you just sit there and act impressed.

As far as the camera's concerned,

you are Warren Buffett.

- I'm Warren Buffett, yes.

- Hey, hey, hey, guys,

I'm gonna take a picture through the glass

so it looks like a sneaky photo

of a secret meeting or something.

- Love it.

- Maybe we should lose the Fritos.

- Why can't I eat Fritos.

- You're Warren Buffett.

- He's rich.

He can eat whatever he wants.

- So what exactly do you want me to pitch to ol' Warren?

- Oh, well, you just sit there like you're in the meeting,

and I'll do the pitch.

- Oh, good. - Hey, guys.

What if I shoot it through a plant?

- Okay, sure.

- Ooh, it looks like "Jurassic Park."

- Mm.

- I'll just go ahead and do it if you need me to.

I mean, I'm the chief designer.

- Oh, yeah, well, it's a fake photo,

so it doesn't really matter.

- I agree. This is all pointless.

- So I'll just do it. - Great, I can do it.

- Or I'll do it.

- Well, that makes no sense. - I'll do it.

- We got a toilet overflow in the men's room on six.

- I can't do it right now. I'm Warren Buffett.

- What?

- I said I'm Warren Buffett right now.

- Turn that off. Turn that off.

[walkie-talkie beeps]

- Our valuation multiple is 11.2 times earnings,

and our projected revenue is up 9% year-over-year.

- My stitches hurt. - What's that?

What did you say, John?

- He said his stitches hurt.

- We ready for some more pain meds?

- We're not quite done here. - Excuse me.

- We need about two more minutes if that's okay.

- No. - I don't think so.

- Just need two minutes here.

- He seems to really need the meds, so...

- Oh, okay.

Well, I mean, I'll tell you what,

you can really get addicted to that stuff.

I ran a pharmaceutical company. I know what I'm talking about.

- [groans]

- You're stepping on his catheter.

- Oh, God. - You all need to leave.

- We're going. - Okay.

John, the Pika launch is perfectly timed for a--

- Ow! - Catheter, catheter, catheter.

- Pika's really-- it's just a game-changer.

Payne is in a totally different position than it's been--

- Get well soon, John. Thank you, nurse.

- I think you want to reframe...

- We're out.

- It's really in terms of optics...

.

- If you look at last quarter's financial numbers.

- Just keep your gaze focused here, you know.

[both chattering simultaneously]

- What are you guys doing?

Who's he?

- I'm Warren Buffett.

- That pretty much covers it.

- So how'd it go with the analyst?

- Oh. [blows raspberry]

Bust. Sorry, guys.

I really tried my best.

Hey, Dori, will you bring me my Crocs?

Furry rim.

- Wait, you're giving up?

I thought you never give up.

- Yeah, I guess I--I need to change that expression.

Sometimes I give up.

- But--no, no, no, but there--

there's always something left to do.

- Eh.

- Katherine, you have that photoshoot

with the Pika later. Do you want me to cancel it?

- Oh, God.

No, I guess I'll just get it over with.

Probably need new photos for my LinkedIn page.

[quirky music]

- Bronislaw, you can clean all this up, right?

- I can't believe we're really gonna lose our jobs.

I haven't looked for a new job in, like, a decade.

- If I lose my job,

I might not be able to stay in America.

So am I gonna be okay? - I don't know.

- What the hell? Just say yes.

- But I don't actually know. - Okay.

- So pretty soon we might not be working together anymore.

- We might not be.

- Yeah, duh, that's what we were just talking about

for the last five minutes.

- I'm taking you out for a drink tonight.

- You are, are you? - Mm-hmm.

That's what's happening.

Oh, and something you should know about me.

I don't take no for an answer.

- [chuckles] Well, all right.

- Wow, you just, like, went for it.

That was incredible.

- Guys, I think I know a way to fix all of this,

but, Sadie, I need your help.

Let's go. - Oh, okay.

- Good luck.

- You just, like, went for it.

- I'm telling you this is not a good idea.

- Trust me.

[in silly voice] I heard someone got a boo-boo.

- Hey.

- Oh, God. [groans]

- Wesley Payne, not my real voice.

How are you?

- Yeah, that looks great.

Just a little more attitude.

Maybe a hand on the hip,

or could you smile a little more?

Yeah, we're--we're happy.

- You ever see those hostage videos

where they claim they're not being tortured?

- Great, yeah.

- Look at me, Katherine. Look at me.

Oh, my God.

I'm stuck in a house. I'm stuck in a house.

I'm stuck in a house. - Can we take a break?

I just need a second. - Sure.

Take your time. - Oh, God.

I can't even fake a smile.

And I am great at faking a smile, like, world-class.

[scoffs]

Man, that is an ugly car.

- Well, for all we know, we could be the ugly ones,

and it's actually pretty,

like in that "Twilight Zone" with the bandaged lady.

- Who cares if the car is ugly, right?

No one drives a car and thinks, like, "Oh, my God.

This is ugly."

They're thinking, "This is way faster than walking."

And you made that.

- Yeah, I guess I did have a little to do with it.

- Mm-mm, no, no, no, no, no. It was all you.

- [chuckles]

It's not so bad.

I mean, it looks like a car, right?

If I saw that on the street I'd think,

"Yep, that's a car."

Hey, Cyrus, is this thing road-ready?

- I mean, as much as any of them are.

- What do you say we go for a drive?

- John, Payne is like a rocket ship,

but right now, you're the asteroid.

- Why are you doing this to me?

- I tried to stop him. He wouldn't listen.

- But, John, you have the power to be part of the solution.

If you--what are you doing?

John, no, don't call the nurse.

Put this down, John. - Wesley, it is over.

- Wait, no. Please, please. - Let's go.

- Hey, hey, I'm literally begging.

I'm begging here, man, okay?

Please change your rating.

Just change it. What do you want me to do?

I'll do anything. - Can you stop talking?

- I'll eat [bleep]. - Please don't.

- I will eat [bleep]. Where's the bedpan?

I will literally eat your [bleep].

Give me your [bleep]. I'll put it in my mouth.

That's how much this company means to me.

- Come on. Let's go.

We'll talk another time.

- No, there is no other time.

After today Katherine's gone.

- Wait, what? Hastings is out?

- No, I didn't say that. - No, he doesn't mean that.

- No, no, I didn't mean gone. I just--

You said that. I didn't say that.

- What's going on? Why do you keep pestering this man?

- I don't know.

We just--we just do.

- Out. - Yeah.

- Okay. I'm taking the bear.

You can't turn me down' and keep the bear.

It doesn't make sense.

[quirky music]

- Katherine, I think it's cool.

This is gonna be a lot of people's first car.

So for the rest of their lives,

even when they can afford nicer ones,

they're always gonna remember the Pika.

- I mean, it's not a luxury car,

but it drives okay. It's decent.

- And to think a year and a half ago you were like,

"Let's build a car."

And look at us. We sitting in it.

- [chuckles] - You made this bitch.

- Yeah, you're right. I did.

Hey, look at this car. I made this car!

- That's right, Katherine. Live.

- I mean, come on, Cyrus, we made a car. Be proud.

- Yeah. - Yeah, I guess we did.

- [laughs] No, say it. Come on.

We made this bitch.

- We made this bitch.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We made this bitch!

- We made this bitch!

- Yeah, okay.

all: We made this bitch!

- You made me make this bitch.

- We made this bitch. - We made this.

- We made this. - We made it.

.

- In a rare phenomenon, the typhoon combined

with Typhoon Shayla to create a super typhoon.

- I don't have any regrets.

I made a good car, a few friends.

I wouldn't have done anything differently.

- Maybe not the fire, though. - Other than the fire.

Yeah, I was gonna say that.

- With Wall Street responding in kind

as stocks hit a ten-year low.

- You guys think we'll all still hang out after this?

- I'll probably get a coffee with Sadie in six months.

And we'll say, "Let's not wait another six months

to do this again."

But we will, and that'll be fine.

- There are currently rumors circulating...

- Hey, look. - That Katherine Hastings

will be out as CEO of Payne Motors...

-How the hell do they know about that?

- Uh, okay-- - I bet that Soren

leaked it to the press probably.

- Totally. - God, I hate that guy.

I wish he would get caught in a hurricane.

- Typhoon. - Really?

- At least the stock price is going up, though.

- Wait, the price is going up because I'm leaving?

- No, come on, stock goes up for a lot of reasons.

You can't just assume that-- assume that...

- Hastings' exit causing the share price to surge.

- That that's the reason. - Wow, it is really going up.

- [scoffs] I get it. I'm terrible.

- No, I mean, it's really going up.

- Changes ahead for Payne...

- How--how far away are we? - Three points.

- The market closes in 17 minutes.

- Okay, is this even possible? - Maybe.

- Okay, keep going. - Climb, climb.

- Keep going. - Up, up.

- Okay, baby. - Come on!

- 57.75.

57.77. - Mama needs this!

- 57.90. - Oh!

- If I sold my shares right now I'd make so much money.

- Shut up, Wesley. If you jinx this I'll kill you.

- 58.13. - Do you believe in miracles?

[bell dinging]

[all cheering]

- Oh, my God!

[all cheering]

- ♪ Ready for more, are you ready? ♪

♪ Ready for me

[upbeat music]

♪ Are you ready?

[knocks]

- Hey. - Hey.

- So looks like we'll still be working with each other

after all, huh?

- Uh, looks like we will be.

- Guess we will have to put a pin in those drinks.

- You want to cancel. - What?

No, no.

I thought-- I figured since you--

- We are still on, my friend.

Oh, and there's something you should know about me.

I don't take no for an answer.

- [chuckles]

Well, I guess I can't say no then.

- I guess you can't.

- Good night, Bronislaw. - Good work today, dude.

- I am Warren Buffett. - Okay.

- You know, I'm gonna stop seeing my psychic.

She was wrong about everything she predicted today.

- I mean, in fairness to her,

it was a pretty insane day to predict.

- Still, that's her job.

- You guys will never guess how much money I made today.

Don't even try. Okay, guess, guess.

- $100.

- Oh, my God, dude, you're way off.

- Ah, if feels good to be on top.

- Guys, don't get too excited.

As soon as it get out that I'm still here,

there's gonna be a massive sell-off.

Sorry to be the boner-killer at the party.

- Who cares what the haters think?

A win's a win. - I know.

I don't need Wall Street to tell me that I am a good CEO.

I mean, just because some dumb analyst decided to put...

- Wait. - A bull's-eye--

- Wait. Wait. You've got to see this.

You've got to see this.

It's unbelievable. Oh, my goodness.

This is unreal. - Did he always run like that?

- He's like the BFG.

- But he's not fast. The BFG was fast.

- [gasping, laughs] [coughs]

Sorry, one second. - Oh.

- Sorry, I ran a really long way.

Check it out.

People love the Pika. Look at these pre-orders.

There were so many people on the web site it crashed.

- 200,000 orders in a day?

- How? - Check your news feeds.

We're everywhere. - "Less is more.

The bare-bones appeal of the Pika."

- "At a time when drivers are overwhelmed

"by new technologies,

"the Pika's simplicity is refreshing.

Sometimes you just want to get from point A to point B."

- I have, like, 200 emails here from reporters

that want interviews. - Twitter loves us.

"Finally a tech-free car that won't read my thoughts

and try to turn me gay."

Well, mm, well, a sale's a sale.

- Okay, well, from "Motor Trend,"

"The Pika's a lo-fi antidote to our stressed out,

tech'd out lifestyles."

Exactly. That was the vision.

- Andy Richter DM'd me.

"Trying to get a Pika.

Anything you can do to help out a friend?"

A friend. - Oh, my God.

Soren left a voice mail. - What did he say?

- He's freaking out.

- Okay, this tweet.

"Finally a car from simpler times...

before we had a president from Kenya."

Come on, Twitter. - It's a hit.

The car I created is a [bleep] damn hit.

[laughter] - I designed it, so...

- I'm a good CEO.

- Yes. - I'm a good CEO.

- Yes. - I'm a good CEO!

[all cheer]

And you know what this means, right?

We are done scrambling.

We have power now.

- And money. - Yes.

- We just sold a lot of cars. - Yes, power and money.

And you know what you can do when you have power and money?

Anything you want. - Space travel.

- Yeah--uh, maybe, maybe not.

That's a while from now.

All I know is, I am done.

We are done playing defense, all right?

It is our turn to make some moves.

- Yes. [all cheer]

- Somebody call me an Uber!

[upbeat music]

Ow!

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