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Original subtitles

My name is Darkness.

My calling is that of a crusader.

Please let...

Please let me join your p-p-party!

Um...

Those two slimy ladies earlier were allies of yours, correct?

What in the world did that to them?

Oh, uh...

They were swallowed by Giant Toads, so the slime—

What?!

It's worse than I had imagined.

What's with this knight?

No, don't misunderstand!

As a knight, I cannot overlook such horrors befalling two girls of such a tender age!

Her eyes are scaring me!

She's setting off my danger radar.

It's telling me something's up with her, just like with Aqua and Megumin.

No, I'd advise against it.

One of our members has very questionable usefulness,

another can only use her magic once per day,

and I'm the generic starting class.

Our party's total trash,

so I'd recommend you look elsewhe—Ow, ow, ow!

That's even better!

This is a bit difficult for me to say,

but the truth is that while I have confidence in my strength and stamina, I am clumsy.

So, um...

None of my attacks ever hit their mark.

Looks like my radar was spot-on.

As such,

I'll charge to the front line,

so please use me as a shield!

Her face is too close!

The after-effects of being a shut-in are kicking in!

No, that isn't it!

This is just too stimulating for an adolescent virgin like myself!

Stay calm. Don't be seduced by her womanly charms!

No.

I could never use a woman as a shield.

It would be my pleasure!

Well, we get eaten by monsters in every battle.

That would be even more my pleasure!

Oh, I get it.

She's not just hopeless. She's hopeless to the core.

A BLESSING ON THIS WONDERFUL WORLD!

A Treasure in This Right Hand!

(Panty)

Episode 3

I was so worn out, I slept until noon.

Hup!

There!

Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you!

Watch this, Kazuma!

What do you think of my newly acquired skill?

Isn't it befitting of a water goddess like myself?

That's just a party trick, you useless goddess.

So you can learn skills with the points you've saved up?

I'd better take care not to spend mine on any weird skills.

First, you get someone to teach you how to use a skill.

Then the entry will appear on your card.

If you spend points on that entry, you'll learn it.

Does that mean if I have you teach me,

I could learn to use explosion magic, too?

Exactly!

That's exactly right, Kazuma!

If you want to learn explosion magic,

I'll teach you everything you want!

Heck, is there any other skill more worthwhile to learn?

No, there certainly is not!

Come, now, and walk the path of explosions with me!

Hasn't anyone heard of personal space?

Hey, calm—calm down, token loli.

I only have three points right now, so...

T-Token loli?

Huh?

I'm a token loli?

Are there any quick and easy skills?

Ones that are actually useful but don't require many points?

I've been looking for you.

Crap!

You said you'd had too much to drink yesterday and headed straight home, so...

N-No need to worry!

I was trying to turn her down politely.

Just how thickheaded is she?!

Shall we continue where we left off yesterday?

Please let me join your party—

No, sorry.

Without hesitation!

Huh? She liked that?

Oh, shit!

That won't do, Darkness.

You can't be so pushy.

Um, and you are?

The name's Chris. A thief, as you can see.

I guess you could say that she and I are friends.

Thank goodness.

She looks at least half sane.

I overheard you asking about useful skills.

How about thief skills?

Huh?

They don't take many points to learn, and they're useful.

I'm sure they'll come in handy.

How about it?

Act now, and I'll teach you in exchange for a drink.

That's a bargain!

All right, let's do this!

Excuse me! A cold one for the pretty lady over here!

Anyway,

there are all sorts of thief skills, like "Enemy Detection" and "Lurk,"

but this one's my favorite.

Here I go. Watch carefully.

Right! I'm ready, Chris-san!

Steal!

Hey! My wallet!

This is the thief skill "Steal."

If successful, you take possession of one item that your opponent has on them.

And that's how you use it.

Huh...

Hey, how about a little gamble?

Learn "Steal" and steal your money back from me.

What? But he's still new to this!

You're an adventurer, aren't you?

What good's an adventurer that doesn't want some adventure?

A bit steep for learning a new skill.

Then again...

this is exactly the sort of exchange between rowdy adventurers that I've been craving!

At long last, my first adventurer-y event in this world!

You're on!

Then let's do this.

Use your adventurer card and acquire the skill.

The skills you learned from me should be on there.

Enemy Detection: one point.

Lurk: one point.

Steal: one point.

Nature's Beauty...

"Nature's Beauty"?

Oh...

That's the party trick skill your friend used earlier.

Five points for a measly party trick?!

That's steep!

Yeah, I won't need this.

Okay! The thief skills you chose are now yours!

Any time you're ready!

All right!

You asked for it, so don't start crying when you lose!

The jackpot's this magic dagger.

These never go for less than 400,000 eris.

Wow!

And the consolation prize will be...

These rocks!

That's dirty!

The odds that you'll nab the dagger are practically zero!

Damn.

Call me enlightened.

We're not in Japan anymore.

It's survival of the fittest in this world.

It's "fool me once, sucks for me."

Let's do this!

Steal!

Awesome! I got something!

What's this?

Even better than the dagger!

I hit the jackpot!

No!

G-Give me back my panties!

No! Stop! Please!

Wh-What absolute savagery.

You want these? You want these? You want these?

He's just as I suspected!

Oh, Kazuma.

Where have you been?

You missed my dazzling tricks.

Wait, what's with her?

Well—

Ah, yes.

She's just depressed after teaching Kazuma some thief skills,

which he used to steal her panties and all the money she had.

Hey, don't make me out as some freak!

He said that returning his coin pouch wouldn't be enough,

so I said I'd pay any price

if he'd just return my panties.

And then he asked me to decide how much they'd be worth to sell!

Whoa, hold on! Hold on!

I mean, I did say that, but please hold on!

He said if I didn't, they'd be displayed and revered as a family heirloom from now on!

Hey!

The eyes of every female adventurer around us are turning stone-cold!

Seriously, hold on!

So, Kazuma, were you able to learn the thief skills?

Well, see for yourself.

Here I go!

Steal!

What's this?

What happened?

Did your stats go up with your level,

allowing you to change jobs from "adventurer" to "pervert"?

Um, it's a bit drafty, so please give me back my panties.

Kazuma, you...

H-Huh? That's strange.

The item stolen should be random.

Stripping such a young girl of her panties in public

is a truly savage and despicable act!

I cannot allow this to pass!

You must let me join your party!

No thanks.

This chick is a complete and total freak.

I can't let any more weirdos into our party.

Hey, Kazuma,

is this the person who you said came for an interview while Megumin and I were in the bath yesterday?

Hey, this lady is a crusader!

We shouldn't have any reason to turn her down.

Crap...

Look. She's really a crusader.

I really didn't want to let these two meet her.

All right, it's time to play my trump card.

Darkness,

there's something I have to tell you.

The thing is...

Aqua and I may not look like much,

but we honestly intend to defeat the Demon King.

Uh-huh.

Oh?

You do?

Yeah. Awesome, right?

Our adventure is bound to become more and more perilous.

For you in particular, Darkness.

If a female knight like you were to be captured by the Demon King—oh, the horror!

You'll surely suffer a horrendous fate!

Yes, that's exactly right.

Since ancient times,

suffering an erotic fate at the hands of the Demon King has been the duty and expectation of a female knight.

That alone makes it worthwhile to go!

Wait, what?

Huh? What is it?

Did I say something strange?

I'll take care of this one later!

You listen up, too, Megumin.

We're challenging the Demon King.

We're picking a fight with the strongest being in this world.

There's no need to stay in a party with a death wish—

I am Megumin!

User of the finest magic the crimson demons possess!

One who commands explosion magic!

The Demon King fancies himself the strongest, superior even to me?

I shall obliterate his vile presence with our strongest of magics!

Not getting through to her either.

What now?

I got these two freaks even more motivated for the quest.

Kazuma, Kazuma...

I'm kind of getting cold feet here.

Isn't there some easier way?

You should be the most motivated for this.

In fact, this concerns you most of all.

Emergency quest! Emergency quest!

What now?!

All adventurers, assemble at the front gates immediately!

I repeat:

All adventurers, assemble at the front gates immediately!

They're coming!

It can't be! No one told me it was happening today!

Don't let the children outside!

Oh, no! Oh, no!

You all ready for this?

Get psyched, ladies!

What is it? What's coming?

I'll protect you.

Kazuma, stay close.

What's the emergency quest?

Is it a monster attack?

Didn't they say? It's cabbages. Cabbages!

What?

They're gonna be rough this year.

A storm approaches.

Harvest time!

Mayo me up, baby!

What the fuck is going on?!

Cabbage, cabbage!

Compulsory Quest

Defeat All the Cabbages Flying into the City

Compulsory Quest

Defeat All the Cabbages Flying into the City

Compulsory Quest

Defeat All the Cabbages Flying into the City

Compulsory Quest

Defeat All the Cabbages Flying into the City

Charge!

In this world, cabbages fly.

As they reach optimal flavor and the harvest season approaches,

they don't just sit back and let themselves be eaten.

They careen through town and meadow,

cross land and sea,

and finally, quietly pass away uneaten

in a secluded region yet unsullied by man.

So what we do

is catch as many as we can,

and turn them into delicious meals!

Adventurers!

This year's cabbage season is in full swing!

What's more, the cabbages are practically alive with flavor

and will go for 10,000 eris per head!

Please place any harvested cabbages in these humane, free-range, organic storage containers!

Can I go home and get back to bed?

Kazuma.

This is a perfect opportunity.

Witness my ability as a crusader with your own eyes.

Mighty Casey's got nothing on you.

Not on my watch!

I'll hold them off! Run! Save him!

Darkness!

A scratch!

Your armor!

I-I can't!

Go! Save yourself!

Never!

Darkness, you...

I could never abandon

a fallen comrade!

A paradigm of knightliness!

Hurry away! Save yourself, noble knight!

They're watching me.

Boorish and barbaric men

watching me stripped of my garments, their very souls aroused!

Oh, the humiliation!

Oh, the shame!

Oh, the ecstasy!

You're getting turned on?!

Going to such lengths to protect them!

As a knight, I must learn from her example.

No! You guys have it all wrong!

The lethal explosion magic within my arsenal can be stood against by none.

Don't you start too!

Could I possibly resist the urge to unleash explosion magic when faced with such a massive enemy army?

No, I can't!

Yes, you can!

Oh, blackness shrouded in light,

frenzied blaze clad in night,

in the name of the crimson demons,

let the collapse of thine origin manifest.

Summon before me the root of thy power hidden within the lands

of the kingdom of demise!

Explosion!

Special Bonus

Bumper Cabbage Harvest

Special Bonus

Bumper Cabbage Harvest

Special Bonus

Bumper Cabbage Harvest

Well, we'll have plenty of vegetables for a good while now!

I refuse to accept this.

How can a simple cabbage stir-fry be so tasty?

I didn't come to a parallel world to fight cabbage.

I'd expect no less from a crusader.

Those dumb cabbages had no idea how to breach your iron curtain.

No, I'm just a solidly-built woman.

All I'm good for is shielding others from harm.

Aqua's Nature's Beauty was also splendid.

She boosted the morale of all the adventurers,

and preserved the freshness of the harvested cabbage with cold water.

Nature's Beauty!

Aw, shucks.

Here!

Just doing the healing that archpriests are supposed to do!

Here!

Thank you.

Couldn't anyone do that?

An archpriest's water is practically holy!

Really?

Megumin's magic was astounding, too!

Really?

You blew away the entire swarm of cabbages with a single spell!

Really?

Have you now seen the power of the crimson demon bloodline?

Impressive.

Yes. I've never taken a direct hit with such firepower before.

Don't let her hit you directly!

Oh, Kazuma!

You weren't half bad yourself!

Indeed.

You snuck up behind them using Lurk

Steal!

and completely immobilized them using Steal.

You looked almost like a skilled assassin.

Kazuma, in the name of the goddess Yours Truly,

I hereby confer upon you the title of "The Great Cabbage Thief."

Oh, shut up!

Jeez, how did my life end up like this?

Most importantly, you saw my abilities as a crusader.

So, once again...

My name is Darkness.

I can technically wield two-handed swords,

but don't expect me to be much help offensively.

I'm far too clumsy, and my attacks never hit their mark.

But I can act as a human shield!

Our party's roster is pretty impressive!

I'm an archpriest,

Megumin's an archwizard,

and Darkness is a crusader.

There aren't many parties where three out of four members are advanced classes!

I'm looking forward to working with you.

I wouldn't have any reason to refuse if she were normal.

Yes, pleased to have you.

She's gorgeous, after all.

But...

So, Kazuma, please don't hesitate to use me as a decoy or shield from now on.

...she's a goddamn freak.

A total masochist.

Class-wise, we have a perfect lineup, but the people—these people!

It's going to be a long, hard, dark future for me!

If I ever do anything detrimental to the party,

don't hesitate to discipline me abusively.

Feel free to abandon me to my fate, or use me as a scapegoat!

I-I'm trembling with excitement just imagining it!

Once again, I look forward to working with you!

I was runnin' down the lane when I fell intae a ditch

koronde surimuita toko

Oh, blood came rushin' out, and it stung me like a switch

chi ga nijinde shimiru keredo

Nothin' much tae dae, Ol' Johnny's had it worse

hecchara sa sugu naoru kara

I'll end up wi' a scab, no need tae call a hearse

ashita ni wa kasabuta dekiru

I set out to the cape where I hired me a ship

misaki kara fune wo daseba

The sails filled up wi' wind, reachin' a good clip

kaze wo uke ho ga fukuramu

It's a fine sunny day tae leave the countryside

boku wa ima tsuchi wo hanare

Tae sail the seven seas, tae journey far and wide

nanatsu no umi wo mata ni kakeru

Then from the south, a wind, a-blowin' tae the north

minami kara kaze ga fuite

With it the clouds, from them the rain poured forth

kyuu ni ame furihajimeta

The spring isn't e'en a stone's throw away

haru wa sugu tonari ni iru

But, oh, the sheets, I've yet tae take them in today

sentakumono torikomanakucha

Episode 4

An Explosion Spell on This Formidable Foe!

Dear Teacher,

I'm now studying in a parallel world.

The workings of this society, what it means to be human,

what it means to live. All of the wonderful events transpiring here

help me to grow as a person, and for that I am filled with gratitude.

I'm so filled with gratitude that it flows forth from my eyes.

Not a night passes that my pillow is left undampened.

And I mean that in a good way. A very good way.