Original subtitles

Once upon a time,

there were three little girls who went to the police academy,

two in Los Angeles...

the other in San Francisco,

and they were each assigned very hazardous duties...

but I took them away from all that,

and now they work for me.

My name is Charlie.

What do you say, buddy?

Hey, come on. Why the heat?

Hey, listen, will you?

I never would've left you, not if I'd known you were alive.

The way you were hanging there, I thought you were dead.

Easy with the cannon.

The money, it's all here... practically.

Once in a while, I'd dip in for 50 or a hundred...

Extra bread, that kind of thing.

Here, look... Fresh out of the oven.

It's all here, pal, nearly every dime.

Let me show you. It's underneath the cot here.

Frank, is that you?

Oh!

Hildy... What happened?

It's Frank.

A man ran out. He... He must have shot him.

I'll get help.

Okay.

Well, that's the situation, Angels.

We've been hired by Hildy Slater

to find her nephew's killer.

No motive?

There's always a motive.

It's up to you beautiful creatures to find it.

What are the local authorities

doing about it, Charlie?

Very little.

Hildy advises that the sheriff is understaffed

and overburdened...

and I needn't tell you that the murder

is affecting Hildy's business in an adverse way.

What is her business, Charlie?

Ever hear of Utopia West?

Yeah, it's that growth center up north.

Growth center?

Well, you know, Bos.

That's where people go to learn how to touch and feel.

Oh, yes, I've heard of it. It's like adult spin-the-bottle.

Hildy prefers to call it a "human potential enterprise."

Sounds great.

Not so great for you, Kelly, my dear.

You're going to replace the late Frank Slater

at Utopia.

Doing what?

Bus driver and general factotum.

Three cheers for Women's Lib.

How's your Tai Chi Chuan, Kris?

Ting hao, Charlie.

What?

Good, because you'll be replacing

the Phys Ed instructor.

Oh. What happened to the previous one?

She and seven very frightened guests

checked out immediately

following Frank Slater's murder.

What's my cover, Charlie?

You'll be checking in as a paying guest,

and, Sabrina, my dear,

you're going in as a freelance magazine writer

who's been attracted by murder and the unique ambience.

Now, hold it, Charlie.

You promised me a vacation.

What better place to spend it than Utopia?

Well, Acapulco sounds a touch more romantic.

Right you are, love.

I'll spring for your plane ticket to Acapulco...

after this case is wrapped up.

Accepted, and I have three witnesses.

Ah, very good.

There's good news for you too, Bosley.

Oh? Acapulco?

Your diet.

I'm not on a diet.

You're going to be. As a favor to me,

Hildy agreed to put you on her special herb diet.

Those pounds will melt right off you.

Dr. Miller says that my weight is perfect.

Perfect for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Good luck at Utopia, Angels, and be careful.

There's a killer on the loose.

We call this "creative aggression."

You can't hurt each other, so come on, go ahead.

Let's get it out of your system. That's it.

Harder. Harder! Harder! You said you were angry?

Strike out. Hit.

That's it, wonderful. Get rid of those aggressions.

Give it. Give it. Go! Go! Wonderful, wonderful!

Now, where were we?

Oh, we have general P.E. before breakfast.

We have Tai Chi Chuan classes twice daily,

after breakfast and after lunch.

That's right, and then after dinner,

it's sort of que sera, sera...

Volleyball, a hike,

whatever you can get going.

Oh, I'd guess she can get going whatever she wants to.

Mm.

Oh, cute. Very cute, Lon.

Now, put your eyes

back in their sockets, dear.

Kris, this is Lon Molton.

He operates the stable and keeps things running.

Hi.

Hello.

Including several female guests.

Oh, Lorraine?

Yes?

Lorraine is my good right hand.

Lorraine Fielding, this is Kris Munroe.

Hi. Hello.

She will be handling Phys Ed.

Oh.

Do you know yoga?

Oh, sure... Hatha, Mantra, and Kundalini.

I studied in Kashmir.

I guess she's qualified.

I could have told you that.

Let me get this for you.

Oh, thank you.

I think I broke it.

That's all right.

I'm sorry about that.

It's okay.

Hello.

Hello.

Welcome to Utopia West.

I'm Lorraine Fielding,

and this is Hildy Slater.

She's the owner and operating manager.

You'll find some brochures in your cabins

that'll tell you about classes and meals and so on.

When you get through here,

I'll help you sign in.

And like the sign says, deposit your inhibitions.

Around here, we just let it all hang out.

Now, I'm not going to say too much about rules,

because we only have one... Be nice to each other.

And whether you go to classes or not

is really up to you.

We don't have a truant officer.

What about clothing? What do we wear?

You're the journalist, aren't you?

Yes. Oh.

Well, here at Utopia, you wear whatever turns you on.

Now, if it happens to be the altogether,

that's okay too.

Watch out for the splinters

and try not to frighten the horses.

All right.

If you'll follow me.

Sure. Come along.

Oh, I wonder, could you... Thank you.

Hildy says you're taking over for Frank Slater.

That's right.

Are you lost?

No. Worried.

Oh, is that your job around here?

Head worrier?

Lon Molton.

I, uh, kind of run things around here for Hildy.

Then what's to worry?

You staying here alone,

in the murder cabin.

This is where it happened?

Right here.

You know...

What you need is protection, a roommate.

That's precisely what Hildy thought.

Hi.

Would you be a love and help me set this up?

Set it up yourself, honey.

Oh, gee, I hate a bad loser.

A bad lecherous loser.

Yeah.

Let me give you a hand with that.

You already have.

Criminals get a second chance.

My name is Doug O'Neal.

Sabrina Duncan.

"Sabryna fair...

Goddess of the silver lake."

Milton. Comus.

Poetry freak, huh?

No, I knew a girl named Sabrina

in high school.

I memorized that to impress her.

Was she impressed?

She hated being called "Sa-bry-na."

My kind of girl.

May I? Please?

Thank you, Mr. O'Neal.

Call me Doug. Your place or mine?

I'll call you Mr. O'Neal.

Well, what do you think of Utopia?

Are you kidding? I'm so disappointed.

I thought that sex would be running rampant.

Oh, it's running.

You just haven't caught up to it yet.

You know, I really like Hildy.

She's very nice.

I do too.

She's strictly out-front.

Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm all right. How are you?

Fine. Did you get a look at his face?

No, didn't even get his license number.

About six feet tall, medium build.

He wore a stocking mask.

Aside from that,

he was strictly your average, everyday closet creeper.

Any idea what he was doing

in your cabin?

Either looking for something or checking us out.

What could he be looking for?

Beats me. Kris and I searched the room. Nothing.

If your cover's been blown, you and Kris should pull back.

I don't want my Angels getting their wings clipped.

Don't worry. We'll be careful.

Oh, Charlie,

that list of guests and employees

is on its way over to you now

by special messenger.

Good, I'll run them through the computer.

Anything else?

I guess that's about it, Charlie.

I hope I didn't disturb you.

Oh, that's all right.

I'm just checking out some investments.

I have a new stockbroker.

Well, I hope everything's looking great.

Oh, yes.

I would say things are definitely bullish.

Bye, Angel.

Bye, Charlie.

The technique of Tai Chi Chuan

is based on a way of movement.

Now, from the beginning position,

we will first Grasp Bird's Tail...

And then Ward Off with Left Hand...

Okay, as follows...

Putting most of your weight

on your left foot.

That's right.

Bending those left knees.

Good... Good.

Now, we are going to turn our right foot to the east.

To the east, Mr. Bosley.

For those of you who don't know

where east is, it's the right.

Good. Now, as we do turn our foot,

we also rotate our hips, shoulders, and head

as far to the east as possible.

Bending those knees... Uh, Mr. Bosley?

To the east?

To the right.

Oh-ho, very good.

Now... We will Grasp Bird's Tail,

leaning forward, keeping knees low...

I want you to pair off now.

Turn around, everyone, and find a partner.

Yeah, there you go.

Okay, now, I want you to sit down facing each other.

Come on, now. Quickly.

Cross your legs, and move in very close.

Now, you don't have to sit Lotus position,

if you don't fold that way,

or if you feel it'll make you walk funny later on, right?

All right, now, what we're going to do today

is take turns touching each other.

That's right, touching. Primal communication.

It predates speech, you know, and that's why

it's so much more eloquent than words.

All right, palms down on your thighs.

Now, I want one of you to sit absolutely still.

The other will reach across

and touch the hand of your partner.

Come on, now. Let's try it.

Everybody.

That's right.

Now, I want you to feel each finger.

Feel the lifeblood pulsing through it.

Fine.

Lovely.

All right, partner. Now it's your turn.

And this time, it's the face.

Reach across and touch the cheek.

Caress it very lightly.

Now, with one finger,

gently, gently, and very, very slowly,

trace the outline of your partner's lips...

The shape of the mouth.

Gently and slowly.

Fine.

Wonderful.

Now, you see? That didn't hurt at all.

And you know what we've learned?

It's all right to touch after all.

Isn't it?

Hello.

Oh... Uh, good... good evening.

I was just looking for something that I left...

I seemed to have misplaced

a roast beef sandwich.

You didn't happen to find one, did you?

No. Sorry.

Oh, well, that's all right.

I'm sorry to have disturbed...

whatever that is.

Good night.

I have some crackers, if you'd like some.

Oh, you do?

Yeah. Here.

I had it left over from lunch.

Oh... You're very kind.

What is it?

Potassium.

Have you been here long?

No, no... Three or four meals...

I mean, days.

Have you found your Vital Power?

My what?

Vital Power.

We all have it.

Stored up somewhere inside us.

Inside, we're all churning with Vital Power.

We are?

I found mine,

through a water diet and exercise,

but then I lost it.

Oh, I'm so sad.

And I began to display negative energy.

N.E. destroys V.P.

Negative energy destroys...

Vital Power. Right.

My name's Audrey. What's yours?

Oh, uh... Bosley.

John Bosley.

Oh. I hope you find it, John, your V.P.

Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, so do I.

Uh, listen, thanks very much for the cracker,

but I think I'll turn in

and just store up some of that old V.P., right?

Good night.

Good... Good night.

So you were a downhill racer?

Raised near Aspen.

Learned how to ski before I could walk.

Well, were you any good?

Very good.

Modest.

You asked, I answered.

Might've even had a chance on the circuit,

but Vietnam came along,

and there was not a whole lot

of really good skiing in Vietnam.

The best I ever placed was 27th internationally.

27th?

Mm-hmm.

That's very good.

Numero Uno...

that would have been a whole lot better.

So you never went back to it?

Oh, I went back.

Gstaad, Grenoble...

had a good time, spent a lot of money,

and then one day it hit me... none of it was mine.

So I packed my bags and I came home.

Well, that sounds pretty healthy to me.

I don't know.

The story isn't over yet.

Is it going to have a happy ending?

It might.

It just might.

What happened to Sabrina after dinner?

She disappeared.

Sabrina who?

I haven't seen her all day.

That's strange. It isn't like her.

Oops!

Sorry, folks.

We didn't realize this was lover's lane.

You have a way of showing up

where you don't belong.

Well, that's why I'm with Kris.

She's giving me belonging lessons.

Mm-hmm.

Good night.

Good night.

That man needs a distemper shot.

Your birthday?

No.

No card.

Why don't you open it?

Maybe it's from a secret admirer.

Oh!

Know something?

What?

That wasn't from an admirer.

Ooh, this really feels good.

I got to tell you something.

I hate fake bombs almost as much as I hate real ones.

That midnight cowboy

who jumped us two nights ago

could have been the one who put it there.

Maybe the killer

stumbled onto your real identities.

What about Lon Molton?

What about him?

For one thing, he's the same size as our cabin crawler.

Maybe he and Lorraine are a partnership.

What's that supposed to mean?

We caught Lon outside our cabin last night

getting it on with Lorraine.

Well, he's already made a pass at me.

Me too.

Me three.

Well, listen, maybe one of us

ought to live real dangerously and get close to him...

No, not me.

And see what we can find out. What do you think?

Shouldn't be too difficult to do.

Um, I am puckered like a prune, and besides that, I'm late.

I'll see you later.

What do you mean, you're late?

What's happening?

Nothing special. Just a breakfast date.

Oh... Business or pleasure?

Well, he's nice.

Who's nice?

A guy named Doug O'Neal.

He's a guest here.

Don't worry. I'll be cool.

Sure, just like you are now. A hundred degrees in the shade.

Yeah.

Bye.

Doug O'Neal.

You know, he's in one of my classes.

He could be our midnight marauder.

He's a six-footer.

Not to Sabrina.

From the look on her face,

he's 10 feet tall.

Anyway, I was too busy

being a first-class ski bum to get involved

in one of those meaningful relationships,

you know what I mean?

Marriage was for the other guys.

That's part of the reason I came here...

to get my act together.

Decided that it was time to put down some roots...

someplace.

What about you?

I figure that you had some roots,

but you pulled them up.

Am I right?

Hundred percent.

Is that what keeps your defenses up?

Well, you did a pretty good job

of breaking through them.

I can't take any credit for that.

Hildy made that breakthrough possible

for both of us.

You have been hurt, haven't you?

Just enough so I will never let it happen again.

Well, I'll never hurt you, Sabrina.

Do you believe that?

I'm not sure.

You can count on it.

I'll walk away from you first.

Well, that might hurt most of all.

Note the expression

of deep trust and supreme contentment

on the face of our subject.

Trust, we can see, is not instinctive.

After the trauma of birth,

it's something that must be learned.

In this exercise,

our test subject allows himself to be passed,

with varying degrees of confidence,

into the hands of his fellow human beings.

Charlie sends his best regards.

Oh, when did you talk to him?

On my morning run into town.

He still hopes

we'll come up with a possible motive

for Frank's murder.

Well, I don't know what it could be.

Frank was just a harmless drifter.

He came and he went.

He never said hello, he never said goodbye.

I always gave him a job and a cabin,

but I never knew any of his friends.

What about his personal effects?

Well, Frank always traveled light.

Nothing more than an old Air Force bag.

That's it?

Some snapshots from Vietnam.

Oh, could I see those?

Oh, of course.

There're not many of them, though.

Like I said, Frank was in the Air Force.

He was a ground mechanic on one of those cargo planes.

Picture... Ah, there it is.

O'Neal...

That's Doug O'Neal beside your nephew.

Are you sure?

Well, I'm positive.

Kelly, I think you're right.

Could I borrow this photo?

Of course. Be my guest.

Thank you.

Please don't mention this to anyone, okay?

My lips are sealed. Cross my heart.

Thank you.

Whether you accept it or not

is beside the point.

The fact is Doug O'Neal is now our number one lead.

You gotta face it, Bree.

Doug knew the murder victim,

and he never mentioned it to anybody.

Look, just because he knew Slater

doesn't mean he killed him.

No.

But Doug or anyone else

could have slipped in here,

killed Slater, split,

then returned as a guest.

Okay, all right. Look, take it easy.

I'll find out what I can. It's my job.

Bree... Play it cool, huh?

Come on. Don't worry.

Whoa!

You gotta let me win the next time.

Hey... Doug... Is something wrong?

Uh... Well, yeah.

You know, I told you I was a writer.

And you're not?

No, no, I am. I'm... I'm a writer.

But I'm working on a story about the...

the murder that happened here.

I just wanted you to know that.

Well, I guess I have

a little confession to make myself.

Something that you should probably know.

I knew Frank Slater, the man who was killed.

You did?

We served together in Vietnam.

How well did you know him?

About as close as two guys can get

that shared the same love.

A girl?

Airplane.

Bonnie Jean.

Frank was crew chief, I was flight engineer.

She was his on the ground, mine in the air.

Why'd you come here?

I read about Frank's death in the newspaper.

I don't know, crazy I guess.

I thought, here was something useful

that I could do.

Maybe I'll find Frank's killer. I don't know.

I guess we've both been keeping secrets, huh?

I guess so.

Have you learned anything?

Any idea who shot Frank?

Well, he wasn't shot. He was strangled.

Strangled? The newspaper said he was shot.

Well, he was shot,

but it was only a flesh wound.

The coroner ruled it was death by strangulation.

Hmm...

Well, I tell you what, Duncan. I got a terrific idea.

Yeah?

Let's talk about something more pleasant.

Sabrina is going to kill us if she finds out

that we were searching Doug's cabin.

I hope she never has to know.

Kris.

Did you find something?

His wallet.

"Still No Clue in $2 Million Skyjack.

B.J. Smith Disappears Over Idaho With Money."

Hey, I remember that.

It was a couple of years ago.

This guy extorted money from an airline,

then he escaped by parachute.

They never did find him... Or the money.

Kelly, what do you think?

I think Doug has

a lot more explaining to do.

I'm falling in love with you,

Sabrina Duncan.

Hey, that's not fair.

What? Saying that I love you?

That came right out of left field,

and I wasn't ready for it.

Well... you don't, uh...

you don't get ready to fall in love, lady.

I mean, it happens, it doesn't happen...

Yeah, well... Maybe it's happening...

But I need more time.

Okay... That's fair.

You can have all the time you want.

I'll give you till... - 00 tonight,

6:30, if you'll have dinner with me.

Well...

Well, don't just say something. Sit there.

Bree, I...

Listen. I talked to Doug. He told me that he knew Slater.

He told me before I had a chance to ask him.

You better talk to him again.

It came from the lining of O'Neal's wallet.

If you'll notice the description

of the mysterious B.J. Smith,

you'll see that it fits Doug.

Yeah, well, it also fits a couple million other guys.

But a couple of million other guys

aren't such big fans of B.J. Smith

that they carry around his press notices...

Nor did a couple of million other guys

just happen to know the murder victim.

Did it ever occur to you two

that Doug could be telling the truth?

Yeah, it occurred to us.

But not for long.

Okay, look,

then what is he doing hanging around here, huh?

Why isn't he in South America or Europe

or wherever it is skyjack millionaires go?

Okay, okay, let's forget

the newspaper clipping for a moment.

How did he explain his connection with Slater?

They knew each other in Vietnam.

He came here to see if he could find out

who killed his friend.

But Bree, why didn't he tell anybody?

We are undercover, aren't we?

I tell you what. I've got an idea.

Why don't we just come out from under cover

and ask him head-on, huh?

Why don't we do that?

You lied to me!

I didn't lie to you.

The money was there. I saw it.

Then why didn't I find it?

I don't know, but it was there.

You don't think I'd hang out with a creep like Slater

unless he had the money?

Listen, the money was there, Lon.

There was a big stack of it.

Frank swore it was from the hijacking.

He bragged how he'd double-crossed his partner.

Then where did he stash it?

It has to be in the cabin.

Either somebody beat you to it,

or the money is still there.

Well, it better be, lady.

For your sake, it better be.

Doug?

He's not here.

Let's check the lodge.

End of the rainbow.

Hey, isn't that Lon Molton?

What's he doing in our cabin?

Hey, hold it!

Come on!

Here, Doug, come on.

Sabrina... I don't understand. What...

The money. Where's the money?

What money?

Two million dollars money.

I didn't see any money.

I only saw Lon running out of here.

Molton?

Molton... Doug?

Yeah?

Tell me.

Tell me that you're not B.J. Smith.

Molton, I have to go after Molton.

Answer me.

Don't you understand? He's got my money!

I'm sorry.

I am Smith.

And you are you... And we are in love.

And that money is our future,

and that's why I have to go after Molton.

I have to go after him.

He's not going anywhere...

And neither are you.

Come on. Let's head him off at the pass.

Hold it. Hold it!

Okay...

Well, if the whole operation was so simple,

where'd it go wrong?

A slight miscalculation.

I was, um...

I was a flight engineer, not paratrooper.

Oh, I bailed out of the plane with the ransom safely enough,

but I landed in a tree.

When I woke up, I thought my back was broken.

Evidently, so did Slater.

He was still my ground crew,

waiting for me down there

with transportation.

So you followed him here and you killed him?

No.

You said he was strangled. I didn't do that.

Huh.

Lon Molton.

Hildy said after Slater was shot,

when she ran to get help...

she left Molton alone with him.

So you see? That puts me in the clear.

That clears you of murder.

What about the skyjack?

You're the only one who knows anything about that.

And that's the problem.

I do know.

Bree, that's ancient history.

What, just pretend like it didn't happen?

Is that it?

Well...

I love you, Bree.

So Slater was shot

in a wrestling match with O'Neal

while trying to take his gun away from him,

is that it?

That's right.

Then when Molton found Slater wounded,

he strangled him, hoping to find his money.

And all this time,

it was built right into the wall.

I presume it was O'Neal

who left the mock bomb in your cabin?

That's right, Charlie.

The bomb was supposed to scare us into leaving Utopia.

Or at least into

moving out of that $2 million cabin.

Sabrina, how are you doing?

Oh... Well, I'll survive, Charlie.

You know, that Acapulco vacation

is still available, on me.

No, thanks. I think I'd rather keep busy.

All right.

I'll do my best to keep you busy.

And Bosley, you of the lean and hungry look.

Tell me, how'd you make out on Hildy's herb diet?

Oh, terrific, Charlie, just terrific.

I gained five pounds.