Original subtitles

Operator, this is Charlie Townsend.

I'd like to place a call

to Los Angeles, California.

Townsend Detective Agency.

It looks delicious.

Operator, cancel that call.

I'll place it later.

And you can cook too?

Hello?

Good afternoon, Bos/e y.

Is our new Angel there?

Right here, Charlie, and feeling like family already.

Lknewyou would.

Welcome aboard.

How's the weather in Hawaii, Charlie? Perfect.

We're having a smog alert.

Then you'd better all get on a plane and come here.

Is it a case, Charlie?

You might say that. I've been kidnapped.

Why did you kidnap Charlie Townsend?

My husband is in jail,

and it is a very dangerous place for him.

We have many enemies, and they will try to kill him,

unless you break him out.

What if we don't get your husband out of jail?

Then your Charlie is a dead man.

You tell Lani

I appreciate what she's trying to do for me.

I love her for it,

but I don't want all this shooting

and people getting hurt.

There's already been shooting, Billy.

Who?

Your sister.

Tell him to move now, and fast.

Bring me Charlie Townsend.

Got you.

Oh, lady!

Okay, let's go.

Hey, there he goes!

And they got Billy.

I said I no longer have Charlie.

Some of our competitors have him,

and that is not my problem, it is yours.

I want my husband returned.

Now...

Or you are three dead Angels.

The coroner's office called.

A man's body washed up on the beach.

The wallet in his jacket

identified him as Charlie Townsend.

Oh...

Is it your Charlie?

Well, we don't know.

How can you not know?

The man's in perfect condition... considering.

It's Charlie's wallet.

Bosley gave it to him last Christmas.

But you don't know if the body's his?

No.

Uh... sorry.

You work for the man, you don't know what he looks like?

How could we? We've never seen him.

Never.

Muyi, there's a man waiting outside for me. His name is Ned.

Ask him to come in for a minute, would you?

Anything you say, Mr. Hollis.

Leilani sent me to make certain you don't misunderstand...

Think that she had anything to do with this...

Ugly business.

I'm here to give you her word

that she has no responsibility in this.

What's her word worth?

She's a professional gambler, her word's as good as gold.

It has to be.

Ned'II know if it's Charlie.

I don't like to look at deceased people who are on ice.

No choice.

Well?

I know him.

But it ain't Charlie Townsend.

That guy's name is Harold.

He does odd jobs for Blue.

How did he get Charlie's wallet?

Harold was a thief.

You give him half a chance at your purse right now,

and he'd still clean it out.

Oh...

No signs of violence.

Harold was also a drunk.

Probably fell off a dock or something.

Excuse me, I got to get out of here.

I was crazy in love with her,

but her father...

her father was a big time gambler.

My dad worked as a guard at the Oahu State Prison,

tended bar nights.

Anyhow, she comes home with her PhD.

I saw her at a party.

"What the hell," I tell myself. You know, why not?

Sol... Walked up to her and said,

"Leilani, you know what? I think I'm in love with you."

She, uh, looks up at me...

there were tears in her eyes.

She leans up,

kisses me...

just like a little girl's kiss, you know? Soft.

After that, all she had to do was point her finger, and I'd jump.

Oh, she jumped too, when I pointed.

But one thing she won't do for me...

get out of this stinking business we're in.

You know, I...

I think you've got the makings of a book there.

Book? Hmm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd call it, uh...

"Two Hoods In Love In Hawaii."

No, I'm serious.

Come on, John.

Guys like me...

we don't write books.

Maybe you should.

Want another beer?

Yeah. Okay, thanks.

James Bond movies are my favorite.

I mean, there's a guy who knows how to live, you understand?

That's how I got into drinking these shaken martinis here.

I'm really into them.

My own preference runs to Mai-Tais.

Oh, the worst.

I can't drink that local garbage around here with all those fruity colors,

the bananas and the pineapples,

and the little umbrellas stuck in the glass.

Bananas are for monkeys. You know what I mean, huh?

I mean, how can you sit around and have a Kansas City steak with some coconut juice?

I get the idea you don't care much for the islands, Mr. Blue.

Great observation there, Mr. Charlie.

You see, I miss the smog.

I like to see the air I breathe, huh, Ace? Huh?

You're too much, Mr. Blue.

Well, why did you come out here?

Well, once in a while, a guy in my business gets a little heat occasionally.

You know what I'm talking about?

So I had to leave Chicago.

This is the farthest I can get and still be in the States.

Mmm. Thank you, sir.

You see, I'm a real American.

Ace, take him down below and put the chains back on him, huh.

Right.

Do you mind if I finish my drink?

No.

Do you mind if he puts the chains back on you, huh?

Ooh! I hate that! I hate that. Not bad, Bree.

Well, thanks a lot.

The hula's great exercise. Tightens you up here.

Mm-hmm. Could throw your sacroiliac out. No, thank you.

That's if you start out too fast.

This is fast? Well, no, that's not fast.

If you start nice and slow... This is slow.

Yeah, that's slow. I know it's slow.

Do your figure eight.

This is my figure eight! That's a figure eight?

This is my figure eight! Oh, you let it go.

I'm letting it go.

Oin . Keep g 9 I'm trying.

Uh, excuse me.

Isn't that dance illegal?

Joke all you want. The hula's really great exercise.

Uh-huh. I'm just talking about what else it is.

Oh.

It's 9:00.

Hello.

Good morning, Sabrina.

Yeah, good morning, Charlie.

Are you all right? You sound a little strange.

I'm fine.

I'm talking to you from a...

I'm not allowed to explain,

but don't worry.

Sorry to put you to all this trouble.

Oh...

That was Charlie? Yeah.

Well, we know he's still okay.

What we need now is a line on Mr. Blue.

That means finding Sammy Tellford,

- the one that Kona told us about. - Yeah.

I called Don Ho.

When I mentioned Sammy's name, he laughed for five minutes.

Seems like Sammy's sort of the local island nut.

Well, he's all we've got. Where do we find him?

Well, Don said he's a crusader.

He finds something that he's against

and then he goes out and preaches.

Well, what's he preaching against this week? Sunburn.

Oh... Honest, it's sunburn.

Don said to try the beaches and, uh, we'd probably find him there.

All the beaches? In Hawaii? Mm-hmm.

I tell you what. Why don't you check in every half hour?

I'll stay here. Don said he'd call back

if he found out anything else.

Come on, Kris.

There couldn't be more than a thousand miles of beach on this island.

Good luck. Yeah.

Yeah. Bye. Bye, Bree.

Bye-bye.

Get them in the car.

Hold it! Hold it!

Take it! Take it!

You all right?

Sure, don't I look all right? Yeah, you look fine.

Hey, thanks for your help. It's okay.

He's not one of us. He belongs to Sako.

What were they doing jumping you?

I don't know, but we're going to find out.

Hey, you be careful, lady.

Hey. Pardon me, uh... Kelly, is that her name?

Yeah.

Is she, uh, married or anything?

Married and, uh, five kids.

Move that for me, will you?

I told you not to come here.

Yeah, well, that deal was off when your people attacked us.

I had nothing to do with that.

You deny those were your people?

It was Ned's own idea.

He thought, if we had one or two of you,

we could make an exchange for my Billy.

Well, it wouldn't have worked that way.

Of course, but Ned is a little...

headstrong.

Then you'll see to it

that we don't get any more visits from Ned.

Of course. Thank you.

How is Billy?

Don't worry.

He's okay.

Hello?

Just checking in, Bree.

We've been halfway around the island, no Sammy.

Well, listen, I've got two more possible leads for you. Take this down...

Right.

Okay, I'll check you back at the hotel. Bye.

So, anything?

Bree had a couple of possibles.

We're running out of time, so we'd better split up.

You take the car. I'll grab a cab.

Check this one out and I'll see you back at the hotel, okay?

Got it.

Taxi.

You're absolutely sure Sammy Tellford is inside there?

Yes, ma'am.

And he won't come out and talk to me?

Not till sundown.

But I can go in, right?

Yes, ma'am.

As long as I comply with the sign?

That's it.

No exceptions.

Jill, where are you when I need you?

Medical science has proved beyond a reasonable doubt

that exposure to the sun's rays

is a serious, clear and present danger.

Now, you add to that the fact that the repeated scorching of the skin

causes the skin to lose its oils,

its elasticity,

its youth...

Don't take my word for it.

Ask your doctors.

Practice your nudism indoors,

away from the dangerous rays of the sun.

Thank you for your time.

Young woman, get out of the sun.

It is a danger to your health and your complexion.

I'd be more than happy to.

I just need to talk to you for a few minutes first.

Unless, of course, I could convince you to come outside the fence,

and then we could both put our clothes on.

As long as the brothers and the sisters are here,

risking their hides in the sun,

so will I risk mine.

Now what did you want to talk to me about?

A man named Blue.

A leech without a single redeeming human quality.

I've told him so to his face.

Next subject.

No, no, I need to know more.

What else can you tell me about him?

He runs gambling operations.

Smuggling. Vice.

He styles himself a modern-day Al Capone.

He is both dangerous and ridiculous.

Next subject.

Oh, pl... please. One more thing.

Uh... If he had a prisoner, where would he keep him?

That requires no speculation at all.

Having been a psychiatrist in another life... Did you know that?

No.

Oh, yes, yes. I had a practice right here in Honolulu.

That's how I met Mr. Blue.

I treated him.

Mr. Blue? What for?

A dislocation anxiety.

He loathes the good climate.

He despises beauty and nature.

He hates pineapple.

What he misses is the cold, harsh wind of Chicago.

Wait. Wait a minute.

You were going to tell me if Mr. Blue had a prisoner where he would keep him.

Anything of real value, he would keep on his yacht.

Okay, thank you. I really appreciate this.

Thank you. Bye.

You may thank me if you will run, not walk,

to some shelter from these brutal sun rays.

If you doubt me, ask your doctor,

or, better yet, ask your dermatologist.

Well, fine.

What would you do in my place?

The same thing.

I just wouldn't have thought it would have been as funny if it had been me.

When the hilarity is over, I would appreciate discussing what it is we're gonna do.

Okay, I am sorry that I laughed at you, Kris,

and Kelly is sorry that she laughed. I'm sorry.

Oh...

It's just that, of all the things we've ever had to do, that is probably the worst.

Well, I think the embarrassment was worth it.

Wait a minute.

Do you believe what Sammy told you about Mr. Blue?

Well, Sammy's kind of a wacko.

I mean, the guy's nuts. You know what I mean?

But I believe what he told me about Blue.

If Blue has Charlie, he's got him on the yacht.

Well, then all we have to do is get the police and the Coast Guard.

They swarm all over the boat.

They get Charlie, we give Billy back.

And then we do a short term in jail

for busting Billy out in the first place.

Oh, boy. That's right.

Besides, we can't even prove Charlie's on the yacht.

We can't even really prove he's been kidnapped.

We can't even describe Charlie.

Well, we've ruled out the police, the FBI,

the Coast Guard, and the US. Navy.

Right.

Then I think we know who's going to have to do it.

Yeah. Us.

Oh!

Ooh...

Sunburn.

That's awful.

Mr. Blue?

How can I know anything about him?

I... I don't even know any Mr. Blue.

No, no, of course not.

You wouldn't have any way of knowing that type of person,

being such a reputable lawyer.

However...

if you did just happen to know something about his boat...

Oh, you mean the Blue Peregrine,

anchored just outside the territorial limits, due east of Lanakai?

You wouldn't happen to have any pictures of the boat? By coincidence, of course.

By coincidence, I happen to have a photo right here.

Of course, photos of the interior, stateroom, engine room...

for that, I need a day or two.

Uh, six hours.

That's what I said, six hours.

Uh-huh, I'd appreciate it.

I like your style, Miss Duncan.

When this is all over,

I'd like you have dinner with me one evening.

Oh, I don't think that'll be possible, Mr. Hollis.

Why not?

I don't have dinner with crooked lawyers.

Man, I feel like I should have a bell around my neck.

Check again and make sure we're not being followed.

Nobody.

Okay, let's go.

Gin.

How do you do it?

Oh...

Bosley?

Hi, Bosley. How are you?

I am deeply in debt, that's how I am.

If you don't arrange this exchange soon,

I'm gonna owe Billy here a year's salary.

Bosley, it got kind of complicated.

You see, uh... Mrs. Sake

lost Charlie.

Lost Charlie?

Somebody took him from her.

Blue?

Yeah.

I knew it.

Oh, man. Lani must be climbing the walls.

John, she doesn't like to lose anything,

but to Blue?

Shhh. You people got trouble.

You know, there are some things Lani would stop at.

Not Blue.

But then, maybe you don't have trouble.

He'd swap Charlie for me in a second.

What would he want you for?

Swimming lessons with a sack of cement tied to my ankles.

With me out of the way, he can make a hard move on Lani.

Did you hear from Blue?

Yeah.

He's got Charlie all right.

Look, if you got to do it, do it.

He's your boss, right?

I understand.

Do what, Mr. Sake?

Swap me. Turn me over to Blue.

Hey...

I'm in a tough racket.

I know how it goes.

I don't blame you.

You really think that we'd turn you over to Blue, knowing that he'd kill you?

You mean you wouldn't?

Of course not.

On the other hand, it would cancel my gambling debt.

You're good people, you know that?

I mean, I would understand if you turned me over,

but that don't mean I'm gonna like it.

Well, there it is.

Charlie's out there?

It's a long way out, and they're probably armed to the teeth.

Hey, you know what? We could get killed trying this.

Well...

if we do...

I have only one wish.

Yeah, that, before we die...

we all get to see Charlie.

Hey, you're under arrest.

What are you doing?

I'm supposed to be following you.

I want to talk to your boss.

Me, nobody else.

Mr. Blue?

You working for somebody else?

Yeah. Okay...

Yeah, yeah?

Your wife know you read junk like that?

Can I take this off?

Sure.

Ooh. Ooh, ow.

Oh, hi. It's me.

Did you have any trouble getting him into the hotel?

No, we brought him up the service elevator.

Good, I've got the pictures of Blue's boat.

Great. Great.

Okay, it's got a terrific engine, very fast.

Only reasonable for smugglers.

Yeah, there's a lot of bullet-proof glass.

Kris...

that's the entrance to the engine room.

Right.

Now, it's got a crew of three or four,

and probably the two hoods

we've grown to know and love.

Well, it's sticky, but I don't know what choice we have.

Billy...

you know we can't make you do this.

Ain't no big thing.

I'm going back to jail anyway.

If there's a chance I can take Blue with me,

I'm all for it.

Okay, it'd better be for me.

Hello?

Yeah, Sabrina, Mr. Blue here. I got your message.

What does it mean, "Talk to me and nobody else?"

Well, as I see it, you've got my employer, Charlie Townsend,

and no matter how I put it together,

I don't see him coming out of this alive.

Yeah, well, listen. Hold on a minute here.

I give you my word. I swore.

You give me Billy Sako, and I'm gonna give you your boss.

What if I just gave you Billy?

That's, uh... very interesting.

And it's not so complicated.

And you're going to do this out of friendship, right? Huh?

I mean, out of the...

out of the goodness of your beautiful heart?

I see it as trading one employer for another.

One that pays better.

Hey, yeah, that's for sure, huh?

What about the, uh... the others?

Oh! They're all over town trying to come up with a plan to stick it to you.

You see, I don't think they're gonna be able to do that,

and that's another reason for changing bosses.

Yeah, well, it can work out, huh?

I'll tell you what, I'm on my boat over here on the, uh...

What island is this here?

Lanakai.

Lanakai.

I'll, uh... I'll, uh, send somebody over to pick you up.

No, it's safer if I come myself.

Three hours.

How was I?

Great.

Terrific.

I was starting to believe you myself.

Had me worried.

Bos?

I get seasick.

Oh, Bosley.

I do.

I'm coming in, Charlie.

I hope you're still there.

Unlikely I'd be anywhere else, considering the irons.

Oh, I'm sorry. You see, I like to keep a closed fist on my valuables.

My last kidnapping was a lot more civilized.

Well, listen, Charlie.

You can't win them all. You know what I'm talking about?

Don't worry. This is all gonna be over soon.

One of your little Angels is coming over.

To negotiate?

No. To sell you out.

I hope the price is wrong.

Mr. Blue.

Yeah?

We got a speedboat in sight.

Hey, hang loose in there.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

She's right on time.

Hey, how about slowing down? I'm getting seasick myself.

We're almost there.

Just get under that thing and keep your mouth shut.

Oh, fine... we've signed on with Captain Bligh.

What, are you tired?

Go to the bridge. Check the radar.

See if there are any other boats coming.

What's that crazy broad doing?

Okay, now!

Get out of my way.

Go downstairs. Give her a hand, will you?

Go ahead, move it. You too, fatso. Move it.

As soon as she gets up here, you go downstairs,

and check under the whatcha-ma-call-it.

The whatcha-ma-call-it? Yeah, under the cover.

Whoo! I'm sorry. That's all right.

And make sure there's no one else on this boat.

There's nobody on this boat.

Yeah? Yeah.

And turn it loose. Turn it loose?

That's right. Turn it loose. You heard me.

Cut the thing loose.

Just in case you want to leave before you're supposed to,

you're gonna have to swim back to shore.

I don't swim. You don't even know how to drive this boat here.

You almost ran into us.

You almost hit us with that boat.

I know. I'm sorry. It's the speed that makes me crazy.

I can't help it. It makes me crazy and sexy.

I'm sorry. Yeah?

Sorry. What are you looking at?

Want to go inside? Mm-hmm.

So tell me, beautiful lady, what is it exactly you think you can do for me?

Well, Mr. Blue, the possibilities are so limitless,

you'll have to give me some time to think about that.

You, uh... You want me to get rid of him?

I think we should discuss business first.

How much for BMW Sake?

Hundred-thousand big ones.

Mmm? Mmm.

And continued employment.

We have him hidden in a shack at Kaiana Point.

You sure if I send someone over there,

he's going to be there, huh? I'm sure.

And you're gonna wait right here until we do?

Why, Mr. Blue...

That's what I thought you meant by "continued employment."

Hey, Duce, go make some phone calls

and get somebody over there, huh?

No, no, no. Not here.

Down below.

You have beautiful ears. You know that?

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Just swimming by.

Come on.

Just swimming by?

Mr. Blue know you're here?

Does Mr. Blue have to know everything?

No, he doesn't have to... Yam!

Go, Billy, go.

Get in there. It's a raid.

What?

I said go on, get out of here. It's a raid.

Yes, ma'am. Whatever you say.

Don't you knock? You got no manners?

Didn't you hear that alarm?

What alarm?

Mr. Blue, I think we're sinking.

If we're sinking, you're sinking.

Come on, we'll go up to the bridge.

Stay there.

What happened to you?

I don't know.

Get up.

Open this door.

Do you hear me? Open this door!

Hey. We're moving. We're heading for shore!

Give me your gun.

But, Mr. Blue...

Give me your gun! Mr. Blue!

I'm telling you, Stop the boat!

You hear me?

Stop it!

What is this? Well, you wanted them made bullet-proof.

Take this gun down below, quickly.

Move it, and turn off those engines.

Open up in there. I'm not kidding.

Turn this boat back.

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie?

Sabrina?

Charlie, is that you?

Hello, Angel.

You okay? Yes, I'm fine. A little cramped, that's all.

It's sure good to hear your voice.

Oh, Charlie. I'm glad to hear your voice.

What are you both standing around for?

You're supposed to be opening the hatch door.

It's locked. Somebody's down there.

Hey, look, we're moving in.

We're inside the legal limit.

They can make us on a kidnapping.

Charlie Townsend.

What are we going to do?

We're gonna kill him and dump him over the side.

This isn't gonna work, Charlie.

I'm gonna have to try to find something else.

Maybe this'll help you?

You got big ears.

Get rid of her. Charlie!

Charlie!

Stand by.

We're coming aboard.

It's the Coast Guard.

Get inside. Get rid of your gun.

What are you doing on the floor?

Forget about her.

Go! Take that gun!

Anything wrong, Lieutenant?

We have information indicating there's a fugitive on board this ship.

A fugitive? That's ridiculous.

I surrender. Don't shoot.

Don't shoot. Thanks, Mr. Blue.

Hey, what is this?

I appreciate all you did for me. It was a good try, brother.

Hey, wait a minute. Hey, this is a set-up. The girls set me up.

Girls?

Yeah, the Angels.

Angels don't do things like that.

Bree?

Where's Charlie?

He's swimming to shore.

The Coast Guard's here. Kris is hiding up front. Come on. Let's go.

Well, if he can do it, we can do it.

Bosley, what is that step? What is this?

It's called "The Pineapple."

I will never have another Mai-Tai as long as I live.

I Will.

Hello, Charlie!

Hello, Boss/ex Angels.

Did you enjoy the luau?

Only thing missing was you, Charlie.

I'm sorry, but I had to hurry back to my boat

to try an experiment.

Is that what we hear in the background, Charlie?

Yes.

I'm having a martini shaken for me.

Mr. Blue recommended it highly.

He's in jail, incidentally.

In addition to Billy, the Coast Guard found

a few thousand pounds of contraband coffee, worth a fortune.

He'll get about five years.

What about Billy and Leilani?

I am happy to report that they are getting out of the crime business.

Well... my martini is ready.

Aloha, Angels!

Aloha, Charlie.

Listen... Are we ever gonna get to see Charlie?

Oh, yeah, you did. He was right there at the luau.

What? What are you talking about?

Of course. Who do you think took the movies?

- Oh, Bosley... - Bosley!

We're supposed to be detectives?

Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Hold it. Hold it! Hold it!

Watch the movie.