Original subtitles

♪ [Latin Thugs by Cypress Hill playing] ♪

♪ DON'T BE LIKE, UH, A CUBANO ♪

♪ BE LIKE A ZERO STONED MARIJUANO ♪

♪ ESTA CAPITAN PINGOLETE ♪

♪ SWING IS HERE WITH THE FORCE OF A MACHETE ♪

♪ KICK MAD LINGO FROM SPAIN TO TIJUANA ♪

♪ REAL HIJO DE PUTA HOMEBOY ASK YO MAMA ♪

♪ NO ME IMPORT A PINGA MI NINA ♪

♪ ALL I WANNA KNOW QUE 'TA BUENO CINGA ♪

♪ DON'T BE SCARED ECHATE PA' CA ♪

♪ WHAT'S THE PLAY DOG, HOMEBOY GOIN' ON ♪

♪ [music playing on radio] ♪

Where's Manny?

Tell him the ice cream man is here.

Manolo!

♪ [both rapping in Spanish] ♪

♪ FREEZE ♪

♪ HAMMER TIME ♪

♪ OH! OH! OH! OH! ♪

Hey.

Can we get down to business?

You got the money?

Aqui.

♪ [singing Guantanamera in Spanish] ♪

Tell him, Papi.

He said that he's not gonna give you one red cent

Until you tell him what flavor the ice cream is.

Vanilla. That's what you ordered.

Tell him.

OK.

Yes, yes, yes.

It's all about the benjamins, baby!

Bring in the stuff.

Bring in the stuff!

Arnold Schwarzenegger, funny man!

He's funny like that!

There is your ice cream.

Tell him. I see coming, coming. He say...

I tell him, I say Jesus.

Oh.

He coming, and he say-- He say...

♪ [singing La Bamba in Spanish] ♪

Tell him.

He say, "F.B.I. You're under arrest."

He gonna run. No, he ain't.

You owe me $1.

Hey, where you going, big boy?

Goddamn. Now I'm going to bust your ass.

Is that all your big ass got?

Enough!

Yo, Kevin!

Kevin!

All right, you two over here. Right now.

I swear I'll shoot both of you.

Kevin!

Damn, Marcus, why you always got to pick the biggest dude?

I don't know. I like a challenge.

See? What did I tell you, huh?

We did it, right?

- Didn't I tell you? - Yeah.

- Huh? No help, no backup. - You the man.

- You the man. - We gonna get all the credit.

The biggest bust of our career.

Yeah.

400 kil's of pure...

vanilla ice cream?

What?

Hey, yo, my man! Hey.

Where's the drugs?

I know nothing about drugs.

I sell ice cream. Strawberry, vanilla,

neapolitan, for example.

Hey.

Tell Manny his ice cream delivery is here.

Never mind. Wrong store.

FBI! Freeze!

Marcus?

I'm good.

They're moving. Let's go!

I'm goin'...

Which one?

I don't know!

God!

Damn!

I told you we should've called for backup.

You know the Chief's gonna kill us, right?

Let me, uh, give you guys a little tip.

If you're going to operate outside the channels,

You know, do the whole renegage cop thing,

You might want to make sure that you get the right guy.

Well,

Uh, Chief, we-- We almost had the guy.

Uh, uh, our intelligence was just a little off.

Wait a minute. Intelligence?

Look around you, Copeland.

There's nothing intelligent about this.

Now, I'm tired of your escapades. I want them to stop.

The last thing I need is to be the laughingstock of the bureau.

And furthermore, the-- Hold on.

Hello? Uh, baby, I can't talk.

The Chief is chewing my ass right now.

I got to call you back, ok? Bye.

Sorry, Chief.

As I was saying--

Gordon here.

Yes, he is.

- It's for you. - Thank you.

Uh, baby,

- I'm still with the Chief. - No respect.

No, he's really not happy now.

OK, I got to go. Bye.

Thanks, Chief.

You--You guys are... Get this place cleaned up.

I expect to have a full report on my desk tomorrow.

- Yes. - Yes, sir.

And in the meantime,

I'm checking with the bureau to see if they got any openings

in Iraq.

The Dynamic Duo strikes again.

Way to go, Baskin and Robbin.

Or--or is it Häag and Dazs?

Häag and Dazs. You wrote that?

That's a good one. I like that.

Later, Häag.

Adios, Dazs.

I hate those guys, dude.

Oh, God.

All right. Well,

Let's get this place cleaned up.

All right. OK, so, uh, you do the floor.

Clean all the ice cream up and I'll go warm the car up.

OK.

OK. So much for a hot meal.

Hey, baby. Don't "Hey, baby" me.

I can't believe you have me sitting here all night worried about you.

All night? Baby,

it's only 8:00!

Look, after work, me and Kevin went down to the bar.

We just had a couple of drinks.

I know. I called the bar.

They said you left at 7:45.

I checked Mapquest, Marcus.

It only takes 6 minutes to get there from here.

So, if you got somebody on the side, Marcus, you need to tell me.

Baby, listen to what you just say.

Mapquest said it takes 6 minutes to get here. I got here in 8.

Which means there's 2 minutes unaccounted for.

If I was cheating on you, don't you think I'd need more than 2 minutes?

You know what?

I ain't going to deal with this. I'm tired, OK?

I had a long day at work. I got shot at.

See, that is exactly what I'm talking about.

We don't communicate.

OK, fine.

You want to communicate?

Yes.

Come on. Let's communicate. OK?

OK. Let's start with last week.

Last week.

You and I were supposed to go shopping together. We get to the mall,

I buy this beautiful dress, I get my hair done.

You don't say anything.

I don't know, maybe you just don't want to...

Marcus!

Mmm?

Did you hear me just now?

- Mmm-hmm. - Tell me what I said.

I heard everything. You was communicating.

Marcus, don't play with me right now.

I am not in the mood.

I cannot believe you came home late and then you start--

Marcus!

You are falling asleep again. I am talking to you.

I wasn't asleep, baby. I was closing my eyes and visualizing your words.

Oh, really? Visualizing?

Why don't you paint me a picture of what I just said?

- Hold on. - Mmm-mmm.

You know why?

Because you are falling asleep again. Marcus!

Marcus!

Well, well, well, if it isn't Ben and Jerry.

Let me ask you guys a question.

When the chief goes to the bathroom,

which one of you guys holds his balls, and which one wipes?

Now, that's the ball holder, right there.

Yeah, you can tell by the little cup in his hand.

That is exactly the attitude that's gonna keep you guys

working the shit detail, while we're working

the socialite kidnapping case.

You--you guys got the socialite kidnapping case?

That's right.

What's that?

Why, I think I hear the chief flushing?

We better get going. Who's turn is it to wipe?

Yours? Uh, I think it's your turn to wipe...

My turn. And I guess I'll hold the balls.

That's right.

Now, we received this from Mr. Andrew Wilson,

C.E.O. of Wilson Cruise Lines.

It was delivered to his home.

The girls in the photo are his daughters

and heiresses to the Wilson fortune.

We believe they are the kidnapper's next victims.

Mr. Wilson has given us permission to shadow his daughters.

We're going to set up surveillance,

and if the kidnapper strikes,

this time we will be ready.

Now, the Wilson sisters will be flying into J.F.K. This morning.

So who's going to pick 'em up?

OK.

Obviously, everyone has read the profile on the girls.

Still, somebody's got to do it.

I don't think this is a good idea.

- Kevin. - I don't care, OK?

We deserve to be on this case just as much as Gomez and Harper.

I know, but we don't want to interrupt the man in the middle of a briefing.

Well, somebody got to stand up to him.

Kevin. Kevin!

- Chief. - What?

Marcus has something

- he want to tell you. - What?

Um, Chief, we--we just want to know if we could get on the case.

You're on.

The boys over at intel seem to think

that the kidnapper's a guy named Ted Burton.

It says Burton was a partner of Wilson's

and some other associates in some business venture that failed.

Says he spent time in the federal pen and lost his fortune.

Guy's been M.I.A. since his release,

and those dates coincide with the first kidnappings.

What do you think?

I think this babysitting gig sucks.

Dude, relax.

Look, man. All we got to do is pick these chicks up,

drop their ass off in the Hamptons,

then we back in the Chief's good graces.

I didn't join the F.B.I. to become a nanny.

I want to be out on the street where the action is.

OK, Blackie Chan, and you'll get there.

But can we just do this first, please?

All right.

You didn't put dairy in this, did you?

No.

Now, 'cause you know I'm lactose intolerant.

Last time, I barely made it to the bathroom, man.

Why would I want to disturb your stomach?

There goes your girls!

- Come on, man. Let's do this. - Oh, no. No.

♪ MS. WILSON YOU MUST BE WORTH A TRILLION BUCKS ♪

♪ GET THE FEELIN' THAT YOU DON'T REALLY GIVE A... ♪

Hi, I'm Kevin Copeland. This is--

We already gave to The United Negro fund.

Yeah.

- What? - What?

- Wait. - Excuse us.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

We're actually here to escort you ladies to the Hamptons.

Oh, the bags are on the plane.

Take baby and clean out his bag.

Oh, my God, he didn't have his colonic and he like pooped everywhere.

♪ BREEZE BY VELVET ROPES ♪

♪ SKI THIS TOWN LIKE A BUNNY SLOPE ♪

What's this?

Baby got to ride in the car seat.

And where the hell am I supposed to sit?

This ain't right.

Man, you guys sure got a lot of bags for a weekend.

This isn't "a" weekend, it's "the" weekend.

Labor Day in the Hamptons.

The last weekend of the social season.

Like, only the hottest people are going to be there.

And only the hottest of the hottest

are going to make it onto the cover

of Hamptons magazine. And this is our year.

Yeah.

Uh, open the window.

Baby likes a little fresh breeze.

I just hope the Vandergeld sisters' private jet

crashes on the way there.

Oh, my God, Brittany!

You were thinking it!

- I know, but you said it. - I know. I know.

You know Heather totally hates you

because you slept with her boyfriend.

Oh, my God.

So what? I sleep with everyone's boyfriend.

Oh!

Is everybody all right?

Oh, my God! Your lip.

Oh, my God! Your nose.

Marcus, are you OK?

I'm cool.

I can't believe

you think we're going to go to the Hamptons

with my face looking like that?!

It's--it's really not that bad. Just--

just get some makeup and cover it up.

Put makeup on this?

I am so fricking pissed.

My God, I mean, this is like

the worst day of my life.

I went to go get my brows done,

and I told her to make me look like J-Lo.

And then that fricking Russian toad made me look like

Liza Minnelli or something, you know?

Oh, my God!

I'm going to have a B.F.

Wait. Hey, w-what's a B.F.?

She's going to have a bitch fit!

You better get out of here.

I am going to call your boss.

Come on, you don't have to do that.

No, I'm gonna call the owner of the company.

Come on, just take it easy. Look, we can work this out.

No! I'm going to write a letter.

No. no. No.

Please don't write a letter. Look, just calm down.

You guys just--just stay here.

Stay--stay here the whole weekend. Do whatever you want.

But whatever you do, do not leave this room.

Don't leave this room, 'cause-- 'cause if you leave this room,

everyone's gonna see those hideous scars.

- Scar? - Scar?

Oh, my God! Permanent damage!

Oh my God. My life is over.

If I lose this job with these good benefits, Gina's gonna kill me.

Well?

They won't go.

What do you mean, they won't go?

They won't go.

Marcus, this weekend in the Hamptons

means everything for these girls.

They're not gonna show up with a scratched-up nose

and a busted lip for nobody.

OK.

That's cool.

What are you doin'?

Nothin', I'm just going to kill myself before the chief does.

- Bye-bye, Kevin. - Come on.

Don't do that. Stop being ridiculous.

I'm not being ridiculous, Kevin. You heard the man.

- One more screw-up, and me and you are through. - I know, man!

See?

That's probably him right now.

Hey, what's up, Chief?

Look, there's something me and Kevin want to tell you.

Yeah, uh, yeah, Chief? Hey.

Uh, yeah, me and Marcus just--we just wanted to thank you for the opportunity--

- no, we didn't. - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, we really appreciate it.

Well, they just wanted to stop off and get somethin' to eat.

- He lying-- - Yeah. Oh 2, 3 hours Max.

Oh, trust me.

If I don't have 'em there in 3 hours,

I'll cut 'em off and mail 'em to you myself.

All right, take care. Bye.

He lied, Chief. Oh.

Why did you do that?

You know them girls ain't gonna be there.

Oh, they'll be there.

Hey, Josh.

How'd you like to be part of the team?

[Sample from blazing saddles] WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?

Let's do this.

♪ [Shake It like a White Girl by Jesse Jaymes playing] ♪

♪ GIRLS, WELL, THEY'RE HARD TO FIND ♪

♪ BUT I SAW THE GIRL WHO WAS ONE OF A KIND ♪

♪ A WHITE GIRL WHO BLEW MY MIND ♪

♪ SHE LOOKED GOOD UP FRONT, BUT BETTER FROM BEHIND ♪

♪ HAD A REAL NICE BODY, SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN SNOTTY ♪

♪ BUT SO WHAT, THE CHICK WAS A HOTTIE ♪

♪ I CLEARED MY THROAT AND I WENT UP TO GET HER ♪

♪ 'CAUSE SHE HAD THE LOOK I WANT TO KNOW BETTER ♪

♪ SHE WAS WIGGLIN', GIGGLIN', SHAKIN', JIGGLIN' ♪

♪ MOVIN', GROOVIN', DANCIN', WIGGLIN' ♪

♪ I SAID HOW YOU DOIN'? BY ANY CHANCE ♪

♪ CAN I HAVE THE HONOR OF THE NEXT DANCE? ♪

♪ SHE SAID, OH, YES ♪

He's right. Make 'em bigger.

♪ I DID A STUTTER-STEP LIKE EARL THE PEARL ♪

♪ BUT I COULDN'T KEEP UP ♪

♪ 'CAUSE SHE SHOOK IT LIKE A WHITE GIRL ♪

♪ SHAKE IT LIKE A WHITE GIRL, SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT ♪

♪ SHAKE IT ON DOWN, ON DOWN ♪

- Chief. - Mmm?

They're here.

All right, the girls are yours. Stick with them.

Don't blow your cover.

Yes, sir.

Are you sure this is going to work?

Just trust me. Follow my lead.

Shh.

Yo, what's up, money? You got a problem?

What you lookin' at my ass for?

No, yo, hold my poodle. Hold my poodle!

Hey, yo, what's up? Y'all got a problem?

Y'all want some of this? You want some of this, punk?

What? what, boy? What? I'll take the both of you!

Let's get out of here.

I got this for you! Kiss my black ass!

Marcus, cut it out! He lookin' at me like I'm some kind of girl.

You are a girl! And you better start acting like one,

or you're gonna be a unemployed girl.

Damn.

I'd sure like to cut that cake.

Here, yo, hold this!

Hey, yo, you trying to look at my lumps?

I'll pull off my g-string and handle mine.

- Kevin, it's Gomez. - I'll handle mine.

Welcome to the Royal Hamptons Hotel.

The bags are in the car, Jose.

Uh, the name is Gomez.

Whatever.

Here. And take baby.

Clean out his bag. Poor thing just pooped everywhere.

And teach him how to say "quiero taco bell."

Thanks a lot, Rico Suave. Grazi.

Thanks, Julio.

Right away, ma'am.

♪ [music playing] ♪

Sweetie, you've got to slow up with those cosmos.

I'm fine.

Brittany and Tiffany Wilson, checking in.

Sorry. Uh, uh, they're new.

Dr. Dorfman did an amazing job.

Oh, they feel so real.

Hi. Yeah, I--I just, uh...

I need a--a credit card, please. A-and some I.D., please.

Credit card? I.D.?

I'm so frickin' pissed.

Ma'am, I--first of all,

I go to Dr. Dorfman.

He totally messes up my nose job.

I ask him to make me look like Gwyneth Paltrow.

I get off the surgery table looking like frickin' Shrek.

Then I get here, and Mr. Harper

makes me feel like I'm some dumb blonde with fake boobs

going to a Hugh Hefner party.

No, no, I-- I didn't mean to offend you.

It's just--it's--it's protocol. I'm going to have a B.F.

Oh, my God. She's going to have a bitch fit. Oh!

No. no, no, no, d-d-don't have a--a--a B.F. Now--

I want to speak to your supervisor.

Better yet, I'm going to write a letter.

Miss, there's no reason to-- you are in big trouble.

"Dear Mr. Royal Hampton,

"I am a white woman in America." - Ladies?

Is there a problem here?

- Yeah. Yes - No.

Sir, no, no, there's--there's-- there's no problem. I--

These are 2 of our V.I.P. guests.

Issue them keys. Immediately, hmm?

Yes, sir.

V.I.P. learn your acronyms.

- What a sweetheart. - Here you are. Enjoy your stay.

Has anyone ever told you you look just like Denzel Washington?

Yes, actually I, uh, have heard it once or twice.

What a beautiful chocolate man.

Beautiful. Oh my God.

- Ooh, that was close. - Yeah.

- Are they waving at us? - I don't know.

- What are we gonna do? - Just act friendly.

My God.

Hi.

Well, don't act like you don't know us.

Karen? Lisa? Tori?

Oh, my God!

Uh, duh!

I haven't seen you in forever.

It's only been a year.

Did you do something different to your hair?

No.

You gain weight?

No.

I know! You just had a birthday.

Yeah.

- Totally. total fire sign. - I knew it.

- I totally knew it. - No, wait a minute.

There is definitely

something different about the 2 of you.

Collagen.

Yeah!

You little witch. How did you know?

Duh, it's totally obvious.

Your lips went from Cameron Diaz to Jay-Z.

Hey.

You got taller, too.

Oh, um, we got our knees done.

You can do that? You can do that?

- You should do that! - Yes! Yes!

Well, it was really good seeing you ladies. Bye!

- See you later. - Excuse me.

Where do you think you're going?

- Um, to go freshen up? - Yeah.

The Hamptons magazine reception just started,

so let's hit it.

♪ OH, IT'S MY LIFE ♪

Hey, check it out.

♪ DON'T YOU FORGET ♪

Are those the Wilson sisters?

More like the Wilt Chamberlain sisters.

Man, I never noticed how big they are.

But I'd still bone!

Oh, my God. There's Heath.

Hi.

Dude, are you hitting Karen Googlestein, the soap heiress, too?

How do you keep that shit dangling?

I keep telling her I'm going to break up with my girl.

You better hope Heather doesn't find out.

She won't.

At least until I wrap up this big deal with her father.

Hey, Mr. V!

And look, there they are.

The fen-phen twins.

They're hot.

What, are you blind? That's Heather and Megan Vandergeld.

- Your sworn enemies since you were like, I don't know, 8? -Yeah.

Totally forgot. Did I say hot? I meant not!

Totally hate them.

Did you guys hear about Megan?

She got stopped by security at Saks trying to pull a Winona.

- Megan. - Huh?

Oh, God.

Come on.

Excuse me.

This is going to be fun.

Move.

Look who just flew in from the slums of Beverly Hills.

It's the Beverly ho-billies!

- Squeeze me? - Oh, no, you didn't!

I'm sorry, but, uh,

we just saw your new video.

Yeah, they had a screening over at Saks 5th Avenue--

in the security office.

A klept-ho-maniac.

Your mother shops at Saks.

What?

Oh, my God. You want to talk about mothers?

Oh, you want to talk about mothers.

It's mother time. OK.

Your mother's so dumb, she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear!

"Something's wrong, Dr. Dre. My coochie's doin' a beatbox!"

♪ [Immitating rap beat] ♪ Yeah? Well, your mother is so stupid,

she exercises when she could just get, like, liposuction or something.

- Yeah. - Your mother's so old

that her breast milk is powdered!

You breast-feed like this.

Your mother is so, like... She's so...

Megan, you go.

Your mother is so stupid

that she goes to Barney's Rooftop Deck restaurant for lunch

and orders a Nicoise salad and calls it a "Ni-koise" salad.

"Ni-koise" salad, right?

Your mother's ass is so hairy,

it looks like Don King's about to pop out and say,

"only in America!"

Your mother's so stupid

that she goes into Gucci and she tries to buy, like, Fendi and stuff.

Megan, Heather. Come on now, girls.

Is this any way to speak to your party guests?

Wow! Brittany and Tiffany Wilson.

I haven't seen you since you were...

Smaller.

Yeah. Well, we're all grown up now.

Yeah, I can see that.

Ladies, I fully expect to see you later at The White Party.

I think it's gonna be the best one ever.

We'll be there.

Take care. Bye.

Bye, Mr. V. Good seeing you again.

This isn't over yet.

This is a long weekend.

You better watch your back.

Ladies.

Whatever.

I can't believe you guys just did that to the vandergelds.

You know, they could take you off the scene just like that.

Yeah, but it was so cool, you guys.

So cool!

Isn't that Denise Porter

- from New York 1 news? - Yeah.

I'm working on getting you an interview with her.

Great for your image.

I think I'm gonna go over there and introduce myself.

Do you think now's a good time?

Actually, it's a perfect time.

Wouldn't want to miss a photo op.

Never that.

- See you later. - Have fun.

What's wrong, honey? Did you just get cramps?

- Yeah. - Do you need a tamp?

Heating pad?

Hors d'oeuvres?

Oh, thank you, Wolfgang Paco.

Hmm.

Would you give that to baby? Thank you.

- Bye, Chico. - Bon appetit.

Vamonos.

I'll have one.

Hi, my name is--

Brittany Wilson, of course.

Yeah. How'd you know? Brittany Wilson. Yeah!

Well, it's my job to know.

Besides, your publicist, Tori, has been calling me non-stop

about setting up an interview with you.

Well, if I would've known you were so beautiful,

I probably would've called you myself.

Well, if I wasn't mistaken,

I'd think you were flirting with me, Miss Wilson.

Me? Flirting with you? A girl? Never.

Sorry, honey. I don't eat Sushi.

Strictly beef.

Boy, you're really strong, aren't you?

It's from all that protein.

Oh, my God. These are delicious.

You might want to slow down on the cheese.

You mean, there's cheese, as in dairy cheese?

Yeah. Unless you know another way to make quiche.

Uh, ladies, I--I think I got to go to the bathroom.

Oh, good. We'll come with. No, no, no, no, no.

I--I can handle it myself. Thank you, though.

- Like we're gonna to let you go alone. - Yeah, come on.

Time for touchups anyway.

Move, bitch.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God, you guys.

Heath is here. What should I do?

Karen, I don't understand what you see in him.

He's an out-of-work actor living in a share house.

And he drives a 3-series B.M.W.

You know, Tori, I really think

that you need to cut Heath a little bit of slack, OK?

Because his aunt died 3 years ago and he really needs new headshots.

He's just going through a really rough time right now. OK?

[Marcus farting, groaning]

You OK?

Everything all right in there?

It's fine. Shit.

Tiff, we're just going to meet you outside. OK?

OK.

Love you.

Man, it may be summertime in the Hamptons,

but it is snowing up in here.

Tony, hand me my boots because I'm about to go skiing.

Great game last night, Latrell.

That's what I do, baby.

Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

A white girl with a black girl's ass.

I'm takin' that home to mama.

Ohh.

Pardon me.

Santa must've come early this year,

because you were first on my Christmas list.

Ooh, there it is, right there.

I want to know. Are you naughty or nice?

Sorry, I'm not interested.

I'll take that as naughty.

Naughty.

You know what they say:

"Once you go black, you're going to need a wheelchair."

Hey, Latrell.

I had a great time last night.

Tony.

OK, call me later.

- As I was sayin'... - Yeah.

Look, King Kong.

Why don't you take you and your 1980 pickup lines,

climb all the up to the top of the Empire State Building,

beat on your big old monkey chest,

- and then jump off? - Excuse me.

- Now, now, hold up, hold on now. - Get the--

get your hands off me, man.

She don't know it yet,

oh, but that's wifey right there.

Hello, everybody. For just one second.

I'm Warren Vandergeld. I'm sure most of you know me,

and I just want to remind you that tonight's the night.

The Vandergeld Foundation's annual charity auction.

So bring your checkbook,

dress to impress, and we'll see you there. Have fun.

OK, OK.

So what are you going to wear?

Uh, this?

You're so funny.

OK.

Ladies, you know what this means.

Shopping!

Shopping.

And now,

the number-one most requested song on W.Q.Q.R...

♪ [A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton playing] ♪

- Oh, my God! - It's our jam!

This is our jam. This is our jam, ladies.

- Come on. - Oh, my God.

- Ready? - Yes.

5, 6, 7, 8...

♪ MAKING MY WAY DOWNTOWN, WALKING FAST ♪

♪ FACES PASS AND I'M HOMEBOUND ♪

♪ STARING BLANKLY AHEAD ♪

♪ JUST MAKING MY WAY ♪

♪ MAKING A WAY THROUGH THE CROWD ♪

Take it, Tiff and Britt. This is your verse.

♪ INTO THE SKY ♪

♪ DO YOU THINK TIME WOULD PASS ME BY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I'D WALK A THOUSAND MILES ♪

♪ IF I COULD JUST SEE YOU ♪

♪ - TOMORROW-- ♪ ♪ - TONIGHT ♪

Sorry, C-minus.

♪ THE REALEST NIGGA ♪

Whoo!

- That's hot. - Totally hot.

♪ FEEL THAT NIGGA ♪

Guys!

I can't believe that you just said that.

Said what?

The "n" word.

Uh....so?

- Nobody's around. - Yeah.

♪ REALEST NIGGA ♪

♪ 50 CENT AND B.I.G. MY NIGGA ♪

♪ DON'T TRY TO ACT LIKE YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE A NIGGA ♪

♪ BIGGIE YO NIGGA, 50 YO NIGGA ♪

♪ SQUEEZE THE TRIGGA' LEAVE A NIGGA FO' SHO ♪

Whoa.

Panties!

Aww!

- Bush! - Aw, nice!

- Balls! - Balls!

Ohh! I'm gonna throw up!

Ladies, can I help you?

Yes, actually. I need something for my friend.

Something that says, "I'm not a whore, but I'm not a virgin either."

I've got just the thing. Come.

What about you, Brittany?

Oh, no, thank you, sweetie. I'm fine.

Oh, good. You can help me. Come on.

- Me? - Yeah, come on, we're girls. It's what we do.

Oh, God. What the--

Oh--

Oh, come on.

Hello?

Hi, baby.

Hey, what's up, baby?

Well, I'm getting my hair done,

and I was thinking that we could go the movies.

- How's that sound? - Uh...

- I'm back! - Who is that?

Ooh, you're never going to get that big old head in this tiny hole.

- Here, let me help you. - Hold on.

I'll hold it open while you put it in.

- OK. - OK?

What is she holding open? Marcus?

Push it. Push it. It's almost in.

What is almost in? Marcus.

Marcus Anthony Copeland II, you better answer me right now.

It's so tight.

Tight?!

The only thing's that's going to be tight

is my foot down your throat. You better answer me!

It's a perfect fit.

I can't believe what I just heard.

I told you.

I'm exhausted.

Gina. Damn. Hello? Baby? Hello?

What do you think?

That looks so sexy.

Are you kidding?

"Hi. I'm Cellulite Sally. Look at my huge bedonkey."

Oh. "And don't forget about me. I'm Back Fat Betty."

Now who could have said that?

Oh, yeah, it's Tina the Talking Tummy.

I can't even wear a short skirt

and a top without looking like a fat pig!

Well, calm down. I'll go see if there's

something else out there for you. OK?

Do you think Heath will...

- Do you need help? - Um...

I think I need a bigger size.

Honey, you never need a bigger size.

Come here. Let me show you a little trick.

Brace yourself. Suck it in.

- Ooh! - Squeeze those cheeks, sister.

Suck it in. Come on. Work with me.

Don't give up on me. You can do this.

Suck it in.

Now that looks totally cute.

Oh, my God! Are you kidding?

"Hi, I'm Carnie Wilson before my gastric bypass surgery."

Well, what about this? This goes with your skin tone.

Somebody throw Shamu back in the ocean!

OK, OK, let me get you something else. OK?

Ohhh!

How's that?

I can't breathe.

Honey, this is just not going to work. I'm sorry.

Well, of course not. You're wearing the wrong underwear.

Is that better?

I can taste the leather.

OK, you need a pair of hot shoes.

What size do you wear again?

14.

What?

A 14.

Honey.

Do you think you could bring us a size 10?

- A what?! - A 10. It's an open-toed slide.

It gives you 2 sizes in the front and 2 in the back.

What about these, huh? This one's--

You bitch! That's so terrible.

Let me go and see if there's some help out there.

Some professional help. You need professional help. Hang on.

OK. OK.

Dr. Phil!

Oprah. Somebody, help me.

Tiff!

Come on out, honey. Let's see.

Oh, it is absolutely fabulous.

If you don't buy it, I'm buying it for myself.

I don't know. Stand up straight.

S-straight? OK.

Huh!

Turn around.

Turn around? OK.

Honey, just relax. Breathe.

Oops.

- You know what? Maybe a nice dress. - Mmm.

OK. Who would you do?

- Janet Reno or Rosie O'Donnell? - Oh, come on.

And you gotta kiss 'em and go down on 'em.

- What! Are you kidding me? - And death is not an option.

I...

I don't know.

Rosie.

Oh! You're a pig. That's disgusting.

What are you talking about? Rosie's-- she's all right.

Heads up. Here they are.

Sangria? Sangria, everyone? Oh, yeah.

So hold on. Who would you do?

No time. We're on the job.

- What the... - Oh, my God, he's got my gun and badge.

Go get him!

Get in! Get in the car.

My God, I need a cigarette!

- Can you believe this? - What do we do?

We follow them. But we can't blow our cover.

Give me back my bag!

Oh, man.

I'm gonna rip your head off.

Your ass is mine!

What is this girl, a track star?

Oh, jeez.

You messed with the wrong blonde today, pal.

Ow! Holy Christ!

Now I'm pissed.

I think she's bionic, dude.

Your ass is mine now!

Holy smokes!

Yeah!

That was nice.

Jeez, lady. All that for a bag?

It's not just a bag.

It's Prada.

It was like a reality show!

It was so cool!

♪ [The Four Seasons by Vivaldi playing] ♪

Right behind you.

Nice going, Tori.

Way to get us sat at the losers' table.

I thought you had it all hooked up.

Excuse me. I do have the hook-up.

Don't blame me. Blame little miss Def Jam over here

Who had to go, "yo' mama" on the Vandergelds.

We could be finished in this town.

Somebody had to stand up to those guys.

Hey, they're the "it" girls.

That's the way it's always been.

Whatever.

Honey, quick. Give me a pat.

No, a powder for my nose. Quick.

Oh.

- Thanks. - OK.

No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Hi, Heath.

Karen, hey.

So,

I tried to call you, but your number changed?

Yeah, I know. I--I changed it.

Well...

Anyway, so, I was just wondering if maybe

later we could, um--

Uh, hello. Where have you been all night?

I've been looking all over for-- ew.

Why are you talking to her?

Clean it up, coke whore.

Do you have any more of that?

Well, don't hate me 'cause you ain't me.

Can I have your attention, please?

Gentlemen, get out your wallets

because you'll be bidding on a date

with some of Hamptons' most eligible bachelorettes.

First up, yours truly.

Hmm.

Who wants to start the bidding?

Uh, $500.

$500.

- OK. Do I hear $1,000? - $1000.

Well, looks like we're all on the Vandergelds' D-list.

Is this seat taken? Oh, no. Have a seat.

$1,000. Anyone wish to go higher?

$1500. OK.

Can you believe this?

I mean, they're actually auctioning off women.

Would you ever do anything like that?

- $1800. - Well, it's, uh, it's for a good cause.

Besides, being wined and dined by a rich guy might be nice.

Oh. I see, so you like rich guys, huh?

I mean, it might be a pleasant change from all the losers that ask me out.

- $3,000. - That's good.

I see.

But I think that we can do better than that.

$20,000.

Sold!

$20,000! That is a new record.

She did very good.

Next to be auctioned is Tiffany Wilson.

Oh, that's you.

- It's you. - Me? Oh, great.

You better do something.

Excuse me, honey. I-I-I'll be right back, OK?

Ooh.

Who wants to start the bidding?

$4.

$4. Do I hear $5?

$1,000.

$1,000. Does anyone wish to go higher?

Yeah, I got $2,000 right here.

Ow!

$3,000.

$5,000.

Who said that?

- Hey. - OK.

$5,000 to the dirty geezer in the back.

I'm sure no one's gonna wish to go higher than that,

so we can just be done with it now.

$10,000.

$20,000.

$20,000! Going once, going twice--

$50,000... cash!

Whoa! $50,000!

Fine!

Sold!

To the big black guy right there.

Step right up and claim your prize.

Yes. Whoo-hoo!

Ah! No.

I don't want to go on a date with buff daddy.

Come here, baby.

Dude, my feet are killin' me.

And on top of that, that g-string gave me diaper rash.

How long we got to do this, man?

Just a couple more days.

I don't have a couple of more days.

Do you know who my wife is?

Here, listen to this message. She's losing her mind.

And you don't want to hear the rest.

Look, by the end of the weekend,

we'll be heroes and all will be forgiven.

All right.

You order room service?

No.

Who is it?

Hi!

Damn! These girls won't quit.

Britt!

Um,

we'll be right there. We're coming. Hang on.

Tiff!

- Open up! - Open.

One second.

We-we'll--we'll be right there. Hang on.

The ice cream's melting!

Hold tight, girls! Um, we're just, um,

shaving our feet, OK?

And--and braiding our vaginas!

OK.

Hi!

What, did you guys forget?

It's your turn to host the slumber party.

OK, you guys. What does it mean

when a guy is in a really bad relationship

and it's really, really obvious that he wants to be with you,

but he just can't seem to break up with his girlfriend?

It means you're a total booty call.

Oh, my God! Brittany!

Well, you were thinking it.

Well, you said it.

You know, sometimes you sound just like a man.

So I've been told.

What she means to say, honey,

is maybe you're just making yourself

just a little bit too, like, available, you know?

Oh, come on, you guys.

Don't act like you haven't done it before.

You know how it is when you really care about someone.

I mean, you call them all day long

because you just wanna know how their day is going, you know,

and--and what they're thinking about,

and if they're thinking about you.

You spend all day trying to find the perfect outfit.

You even change your hairstyle

just so he'll take a second look.

But they never notice.

Sometimes I just wish that they could trade places with us

so that they would know how it feels. You know?

Oh, my God, look. It's Megan's commercial.

I won't let genital herpes slow me down.

That's why I use Valtrum.

Hey. You wanna play with me?

Sure.

I won't tell if you won't. Shh.

I so could have done that part.

She doesn't even have herpes.

Uhh.

All done.

- Really? - Yeah.

Oh, my God! This is so cool.

You know something?

I think you might have been black in a previous life.

Fo' shizzle, my nizzle.

OK, OK, OK.

Enough of this girl's talk, ladies.

It's time for some real fun.

Ho ho ho ho, yeah. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Come on, show us some of your skills.

Yeah, totally. Learn some of your skills.

Hot potato!

Well, actually, uh--go for it, sis.

Tiffany's the expert.

Yeah, but you made the video.

Ahh!

Com on, show us!

Show us! Show us! Show us!

Show us! Show us! Show us! Show us!

OK.

Um...all right.

You see, the first thing you do is,

you gotta...Grab the thing here.

Not too tight, or you'll get calluses.

OK? then you want to look that little sucker in the eye...

And go...

"Come here! Come here, little guy!

"Come here, little earthworm, you!

Come here. You like that, huh?"

I learned that from my Eskimo porn.

"Come here. Yeah. Ohh. Yeah."

And then I'm'a teach you guys the deep throat.

You want to make sure the passage is clear

all the way from your throat to your chin,

and you want to place the thing here.

And you just want to...

"Oh, yeah, you like that, huh?

"Oh, yeah, you little freak.

Coochie-coochie-coo!"

- Guys like that? - They love it.

And another thing they love is this...

Oh, they love--oh! Oh, yeah.

"Oh, you like it, huh?" Call that the headbanger.

Oh. Oh, yes.

Don't you ever... Put it in your mouth?

Never! Never put it in the mouth!

That's eighties. You might as well go out and buy a Trans-Am.

OK, wait. I'm ready, I think I can do it.

Good catch.

OK. Ahem. So you take the thing, and you grab it,

you grab it, but gentle, not to get calluses.

OK, and then you look him dead in the eye

and you say, "good boy."

You're scaring me.

And then comes the headbanger.

Yeah. yeah. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Well done!

All right, all right, I got another one for you.

Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson?

Easy.

But they both got a yeast infection.

Now that's--that's tough.

Uh...

Uh... I'm going to go with Pam Anderson.

You're disgusting.

What?

They got a yeast infection.

Who would you choose?

Hey, Gomez. We got a couple of bogeys.

- No time. - Oh, come on--

it's Pam Anderson. Like you care?

Run their faces. Let's go.

Brittany Wilson?

Yeah, that's me.

Let's get her.

Put the blindfold on her!

Damn, this girl's strong.

Come on, get her.

Who you work for?

Intimate Fantasies!

Oh, my god. You need help?

Brittany, what are you doing? Those are the strippers, Raoul and Tito.

Strippers?

I thought they were going to kidnap me.

That's part of their routine.

Oh, my God! I am so sorry.

Hotel security! Is everything all right here?

Everything is fine.

Just a little case of P.M.S., that's all.

I'm just one big, emotional wreck.

Could you guys go get me some Midol and a Snickers? Right now?

Let's get out of here.

My ass is fat. Don't look at my ass.

This is Harper. It's all clear.

♪ [This Love by Maroon 5 playing] ♪

♪ THIS LOVE HAS TAKEN ITS TOLL ON ME ♪

♪ SHE SAID GOODBYE ♪

OK, ladies. Let's focus.

We have to find the perfect spot.

Would you look at these starving kids in Africa?

When I see them I just want to cry.

I mean... why can't I be that skinny?

It's OK, Megan.

Just think: they can't wear belly rings

with those bloated tummies of theirs.

That's true.

I feel so much better.

Skank alert.

Oh, my God, girls. I totally forgot my suntan lotion.

I'm gonna, like, go get some suntan lotion.

- I'll be right back. - Wait, Britt...

Hey, Russ.

Hey, bro. Go long.

I got a plan. Go, go, go.

Hey, yo! You do that again, I'm going to bust--

I'm gonna bust out in tears.

Oh, my God.

- Inbreds! - You're a jerk!

My bad, sweetheart. Over here.

Don't hurt yourself.

Don't worry, I won't.

Sorry. Better lay off the spinach.

Ooh. Yeah.

Tony. Let's go hunting.

I am so glad I got waxed today.

Me too. What did you get?

The bald eagle.

I got the Bermuda Triangle.

The landing strip.

I got the buckwheat.

Ew! Disgusting.

Ah, what a beautiful, sunny day.

Oh, my God. What happened to the sun?

Easy, white chocolate.

I wouldn't want you to melt.

Yeah. Hasta la vista, Schwarzenegro.

Bye.

Hey, kids!

You guys want to make 5 bucks?

Yeah! Sure!

OK, here's what I want you to do.

Yeah, uh, I'll take the usual.

Put it on my tab.

Hey, Latrell Spencer!

Could we have your autograph?

Sure, little buddy.

Thanks. You're the greatest.

Hey, that's what I do, baby.

Oh, sweet!

- Here you go. - Nice!

And, uh, hey, stay in school.

OK, we will!

Wow! You must be pretty good.

Ah, I'm all right.

You know, sometimes I feel I should be payin' them to take my autograph.

I'm sorry, I didn't even get your name.

Latrell. La-latrell Spencer. And--and you are?

Denise Porter.

Denise. Denise Porter. Yeah.

You know, you look so familiar.

I feel like I've seen you somewhere.

Uh, no, no. I mean, I--I play pro ball.

Maybe you've seen one of my games.

No. But I mean if I did,

I'm sure I would've definitely remembered you.

OK, well. Look, Denise,

um, I don't mean to be too forward or anything,

but I'm here in town, you know, checkin' out some real estate, and--

Oh, whereabouts?

- Well, you know, up around o-over there. - In montauk?

- Well, more like around-- - East Hampton.

Oh, j-just all over the place. It's one big blur.

One big business blur,

and I kinda wanna get away from all that business

and hang out with somebody and have a real conversation.

So, I was wonderin' if, you know, you're not too busy,

maybe we can hang out?

Yeah, sure.

- Really? - Yeah.

All right, all right. Cool! Cool!

Cool. It's cool.

Uh, so, uh, I'll pick you up at about...

Hmm, uh...

Well, you know, the jet should be here about 7:30

and the limo will take about a half a--

about 8:00? Is that good?

Um, yeah, 8:00 sounds great.

- 8:00 sounds good? - OK, all right.

All right.

OK.

- Goodbye. - Take care.

Yes!

Hey, where's our 5 bucks?

All right, all right, all right, calm down.

Here you go.

$5. $2.50 each.

Hey, you promised to give us $5 each.

- Stay in school. - Cheapo.

I am not making excuses. I refuse to believe it.

- Really? - I don't want to believe that Marcus is cheating on me.

And I don't wanna believe Michael Jackson

keeps cuttin' off pieces of his nose!

Excuse me. Uh, your card has been declined for insufficient funds.

The rep's on the line.

Yes, this is Mrs. Copeland.

$4,000 dress?

And where did I buy this dress?

The Hamptons!

Yes, I remember.

Thank you.

It is on.

I don't see why I got to go out with Mandingo and his anaconda.

'Cause if you don't, you're gonna blow our cover.

Yeah, well, what you gonna be doin'?

Me? I'm goin' to follow up on a lead.

You goin' on a date.

She's a reporter.

Who else knows more about the Hamptons people than her?

All right, so I like the girl!

Well, you're the one that's always tellin' me to settle down.

Yeah, and you should. But that don't mean

I got to go out with Buffy the white girl slayer.

All right, all right, all right.

Look, just go to dinner. OK?

I'm only gonna be a couple of hours,

and I'll meet you back at the club.

- You promise? - I promise.

I'm serious, dude. Promise.

I do. I'm serious.

- All right. - All right.

Hey, tell Latrell if he needs a comdom,

there's an extra shower curtain in the bathroom.

Ah, hop in.

Take your time. Watch those marshmallows.

Ease on in there, now.

I won't bite. Unless you ask me to.

You are so beautiful.

Good boy, baby.

How about we listen to a little bit of music?

♪ [A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton playing] ♪

What the...

How did you know? I love this song!

♪ MAKING MY WAY DOWNTOWN, WALKING FAST ♪

♪ FACES PASS AND I'M HOMEBOUND ♪

♪ AND I NEED YOU ♪

♪ AND I MISS YOU ♪

♪ AND NOW I WONDER ♪

♪ IF I COULD FALL INTO THE SKY ♪

♪ DO YOU THINK TIME WOULD PASS ME BY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I'D WALK A THOUSAND MILES ♪

♪ IF I COULD JUST SEE YOU ♪

♪ TONIGHT ♪

♪ AND I, I ♪

♪ DON'T WANNA LET YOU GO ♪

Good evening, madam. Welcome to Bella.

- Thank you. - Shh.

- What are you doin' here? - I came to borrow the car and the keys to his house.

Are you crazy? If you crash this man's car, he will kill you.

I'm not gonna crash it.

Look, just call me before you leave. I'll bring it back.

And then you meet me back at the club.

Oh, no, my brother.

You got to get your own.

Help me!

♪ [That's Amore by Dean Martin playing] ♪

♪ WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE ♪

♪ LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE ♪

♪ THAT'S AMORE ♪

Thank you.

♪ WHEN THE WORLD SEEMS ♪

May I bring you something from the bar?

Let me have a bottle of your best champagne.

Sir.

♪ BELLS WILL RING ♪

And bring us some oysters.

Very good, sir.

I have to say, I was so ex...

Ex--

I was happy when I bought you at the auction.

I mean, it's very rare I have the opportunity to

bask in the ambience of such a classy lady such as yourself.

Oh, my God!

- I am humbled by your... - This athlete's foot is just killing me.

- ...beautiful nature. Ah, that smell. That's infection.

The most high-classness of your...

Oh, my God. Is that a hangnail?

Um... captivated by your beauty.

Your bountiful curves remind me of the hills in Italy.

I'm sorry. You were saying?

That's perfect. Thank you.

Are you ready to order?

Yes, um, I'll have the chicken. White meat only.

And for the lady, perhaps a salad?

Perhaps not.

I'll have the steak, smothered in onions.

A rack of ribs. Pasta with extra garlic.

French fries with lots of vinegar

and a side of onion rings with lots and lots of Sauerkraut.

Ooh!

Have you ever had oysters?

Did you know oysters are an aphrodisiac?

Oh. Oh.

Sorry.

My tongue's kind of big.

It'll open. Hold it!

I'll push. Ugh.

Yeah. see, that did it there.

Just a little turn, huh?

There's so many keys involved,

sometimes it's hard to figure out what's what.

Hey, hey... it's, uh, Mei Ling.

What are you doin' here, girl? It's late!

Come on, now. You have to go home.

Girl, you cannot stay here.

There are laws against this kind of workmanship.

They're gonna think I'm running some kind of sweatshop.

That girl does not know when to go home, man.

I'm telling you, she will stay here

and just clean, clean, clean forever.

Whew!

Wow!

This is really nice.

Yeah, this is dope!

Huh?

Dope summer home I picked, boy.

Whoo!

Who's--who's that?

O-oh, the--the--the big, buff... bald dude with the fur?

Yeah.

Uh, that's--that's my trainer.

You have your trainer on your wall?

Yeah, well, you know, for inspiration. I--I want to look like that one day

and--and I--I come in every mornin' and I--I look at the...

You ever see Titanic?

No, I--

Me, either, but-- you want something to drink?

Yeah, sure. A glass of wine would be nice.

Wine. Ah!

OK, so I'm gonna get you a glass of wine and, um...

Tha-that'd be in the kitchen, right?

I don't know. This is your house, Latrell.

Who? Oh, me! Latrell.

That's right. I-I'm Latrell. That's right, that's right.

I'm going to get you a bottle of my wine in my house.

♪ IT'S MY HOUSE AND I LIVE HERE ♪

Damn, little lady!

You sure can put it away.

You're so funny.

Voila!

Oh, you have a dog.

No, I don't have no damn dog.

Well, then whose dog is that?

Oh, shit.

Ahh....that's--that's not no dog.

That's family.

Hey, cousin.

Come here, boy.

He looks really mad! Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine. He just misses me, that's all.

OK, boy, playtime's over. Let me up!

You want me to go for help?

No, we're just having fun.

Ow! You sure are playful today.

You want to go for a walk, boy?

I'll be right back!

You know what? Forget this! I'm out of here!

I don't want to go on a date with a guy

and his dog is biting him and...

Oh! OK, what's he doing now? What's that? What's that?

Don't pay him no mind. He's just going to do that until he falls asleep.

Now, where were we? Ah, wine!

Oh, God!

You know, I, uh, like a woman with a little extra something.

A little cushion for the pushin'.

I'd really love for you to come to one of my games.

No, thank you. I've seen you play.

Not impressed.

Excuse me? I'm the highest scorin' forward in the league!

Yeah. But all that talent?

Totally overshadowed by nothin' but scandals and pure laziness.

I mean, come on! You're shootin' under 50 percent from the free throw line, OK?

Your turnover ratio, abysmal.

And on top of that, you can't shoot

3-pointers to save your life. So, uh,

squeeze me.

No one's ever cared like that before.

Come here, baby!

Oh, oh!

Oopsie! I had a poopsie.

Girl, we gonna get along just fine.

Back at you!

Oh!

Bask in the ambience!

I'm going to be sick. Basking in the ambience!

So, no. I jump over the fence, fall.

I scrape my knee--

- Get out of here. - I-- no, seriously. Listen.

I scrape my knee, I get chased by the cops,

and I spend the night in jail.

That's insane. You did all that

Just to find J-Lo and Ben's hideaway?

I can't help it. You know, investigative journalism is my passion.

So how'd you end up writing puff pieces for the local news?

Unfortunately, I--I made some enemies,

and ended up getting fired from my last job.

What happened?

Oh, believe me, you don't want to know about that.

Look, I spent all night talkin' about myself.

Sometimes it's good for a man to just sit back and listen.

Well, since you put it that way.

Mmm-hmm?

I did this piece on Warren Vandergeld.

Him and his partners tried to swindle a guy.

You talkin' about Ted Burton?

Yeah, how--how did you know that?

I-it was in the paper. I--I read about it.

Well, but what they didn't report in the paper

was that Burton was 10 times smarter than all of them.

He embezzled millions and stashed it in an offshore account.

When Vandergeld heard the story was going to break,

he didn't want to be embarrassed.

Well, there goes my job.

You know, you're a good listener.

It seems like you have the whole package.

Oh, man!

Hello?

Yo, Kev, you got to go.

What? Now?

Yeah, now. We're on our way.

Come on, man, can't you stall him for a little while?

Look, this man sang to me, he tried to kiss me, and on top of that,

he been farting for the last 20 minutes.

All right. All right, I'll be there in a minute. Bye.

Oh, cottontail!

I'm comin', nigga!

Gomez, what the hell are we looking for?

I don't know.

Something just ain't right about these girls.

I'm gonna check the bathroom.

Find anything?

Uh, no. Not--not yet.

You're not gonna believe what I just...

What the hell are you doing?

Sniffing chicks' underwear, man.

What is the big d... It's... what?

They're guys, aren't they?

Wow. You really are disgusting.

♪ [music playing] ♪

Can I buy you a drink?

Buzz off, Smallville.

Oh, my God, I so don't get it.

Guys think if they buy you a drink

it's a free ticket into your pants.

Well, it's not.

What can I get you ladies?

I'll have a Panty Dropper.

Screaming Orgasm.

A Slow, Comfortable Screw.

A Blue Balls on The Rocks?

I've had that before. That's a good drink.

Don't drink too many.

Yo, Latrell.

- What's up? - Yeah, what's up, man?

- Ex-excuse me, baby. - Hey, Latrell.

How you doin'?

Latrell, my man!

- What's going on, brother? - What's up, man?

Hey, two Apple Martinis.

You hittin' that, bro?

This is a tough one to crack.

Tiffany Wilson, the ex-queen?

Drop a couple of these babies in her drink, man.

Hey, hey, you sure this will work?

Man, I just took two of them, and I'm telling you,

I'm boning someone tonight, you know?

Excuse me.

That's for you, my little miracle whip.

You need to loosen up. There you go.

That's for you.

Oh, my God! Is that Britney Spears?

Where? Right over there.

Oh, forget it, she just left.

Oops, she did it again.

- Let's drink up. - Oh, let's do it.

To the last drop.

♪ [I Got That Boom Boom by Britney Spears playing] ♪

- That's good. - Mmm-hmm.

You wanna dance?

You know, that's a great idea.

Here, hold baby. Let's go, girls.

Let's go.

♪ SOMETHIN' TO SAY ♪

Whoo!

♪ WATCHING EVERY INCH OF MY BODY ♪

Yo. I found out some interesting information.

Ted Burton turned the tables on Vandergeld.

Tucked away $100 million.

Been livin' the high life ever since he got out of prison.

There goes our motive.

♪ I BEGIN TO DANCE JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪

♪ TO TURN YOU ON ♪

Those skanks think that they're hot?

Oh, let's show them what sexy really is.

♪ HURRY UP BEFORE IT'S GONE ♪

♪ I GOT THAT BOOM BOOM ♪

♪ THAT YOU WANT ♪

♪ I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD WAIT ♪

♪ ONE MINUTE MIGHT BE TOO LATE ♪

♪ I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD WAIT ♪

♪ ONE MINUTE MIGHT BE TOO LATE ♪

♪ BOOM, BOOM ♪

♪ BOY YOU LOOK SO SEXY ♪

They want to battle. Let's go, girls.

♪ LOOK SO SEXY ♪

♪ [Crazy In Love by Beyonce Knowles playing] ♪

You girls want some of this?

Bring it on, sisters!

OK, let's do it!

5, 6, 7, 8.

♪ UH-OH, UH-OH, UH-OH, OH, NO, NO ♪

♪ UH-OH, UH-OH, UH-OH, OH, NO, NO ♪

♪ I LOOK AND STARE SO DEEP IN YOUR EYES ♪

♪ I TOUCH ON YOU MORE AND MORE EVERY TIME ♪

♪ WHEN YOU LEAVE, I'M BEGGING YOU NOT TO GO ♪

♪ CALL YOUR NAME 2 OR 3 TIMES IN A ROW ♪

♪ SUCH A FUNNY THING FOR ME TO TRY TO EXPLAIN ♪

♪ HOW I'M FEELING AND MY PRIDE IS THE ONE TO BLAME ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I KNOW I DON'T UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ JUST HOW YOUR LOVE YOUR DOING NO ONE ELSE CAN ♪

♪ GOT ME LOOKING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW, YOUR LOVE'S ♪

♪ GOT ME LOOKING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW, IN LOVE ♪

♪ GOT ME LOOKING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW, YOUR TOUCH ♪

♪ GOT ME LOOKING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ GOT ME HOPING YOU'LL PAGE ME RIGHT NOW, YOUR KISS ♪

♪ GOT ME HOPING YOU'LL SAVE ME RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ LOOKING SO CRAZY IN LOVE'S ♪

♪ GOT ME LOOKING, GOT ME LOOKING SO CRAZY IN LOVE ♪

Come on.

Ho-ho-ho-hold on, hold on, hold on.

I know you hookers don't think this is over with.

- Hah! - Let's kick it old school.

♪ [It's Tricky by Run DMC playing] ♪

♪ HERE WE GO! IT'S TRICKY TO ROCK A RHYME ♪

♪ TO ROCK A RHYME THAT'S RIGHT ON TIME ♪

♪ IT'S TRICKY ♪

♪ IT'S TRICKY, TRICKY, TRICKY, TRICKY ♪

♪ IT'S TRICKY TO ROCK A RHYME ♪

♪ TO ROCK A RHYME THAT'S RIGHT ON TIME ♪

♪ IT'S TRICKY ♪

♪ TR-TR-TR-TRICKY, TRICKY, TRICKY ♪

♪ I MET THIS LITTLE GIRLIE, HER HAIR WAS KIND OF CURLY ♪

♪ I HAD TO LEAVE REAL EARLY ♪

They suck! ♪ ALL THEY JUST SAY IS PLEASE ME ♪

♪ OR SPEND SOME TIME AND ROCK A RHYME ♪

♪ I SAID IT'S NOT THAT EASY ♪

♪ IT'S TRICKY TO ROCK A RHYME ♪

♪ TO ROCK A RHYME THAT'S RIGHT ON TIME ♪

Yes!

♪ TRICKY, TRICKY, TRICKY ♪

♪ IT'S TRICKY TO ROCK A RHYME ♪

♪ TO ROCK A RHYME THAT'S RIGHT ON TIME ♪

♪ IT'S TRICKY ♪ ♪ TRICKY, TRICKY, TRICKY ♪

♪ IN NEW YORK THE PEOPLE TALK AND TRY TO MAKE US RHYME ♪

♪ THEY REALLY HAWK, BUT WE JUST WALK BECAUSE WE HAVE NO TIME ♪

♪ AND IN THE CITY, IT'S A PITY 'CAUSE WE JUST CAN'T HIDE ♪

♪ TINTED WINDOWS DON'T MEAN NOTHIN' ♪

Oh, my god!

♪ IT'S TRICKY TO ROCK A RHYME ♪

♪ TO ROCK A RHYME THAT'S RIGHT ON TIME ♪

♪ IT'S TRICKY ♪

♪ TRICKY, TRICKY TRICKY, TRICKY ♪

We won! We won!

♪ TO ROCK A RHYME THAT'S RIGHT ON TIME ♪

♪ IT'S TRICKY ♪

♪ TRICKY, TRICKY, TRICKY, TRICKY, HUH! ♪

Whoo!

Heath!

- Heath! - Come on, let's go.

Heath.

Get out of my way! Move it!

I need a drink.

♪ [music playing] ♪

Hey, hey, hey, Latrell, my man.

So did it work, man?

I don't know.

But I got to dance.

I got to hit this.

Hold the dog. Hold the dog.

Ooh.

Let it out, honey.

Oh, yeah. Now it's out.

I paid thousands of dollars on this outfit

and do you think he even noticed?

It's going to be OK.

Little miss Vandergeld walks in

and he just forgets all about me.

OK.

Let it out. Let it out.

I wonder

if he would think she was so hot

if he knew that she is broke.

Vandergeld's broke?

Shh.

- We mustn't talk of such things. - No, no.

- I won't. - We won't.

But, yes, they're broke.

My father even had to loan her father money

just so that they could keep their house.

They just paid us back.

You guys, I love you guys.

We love you, too.

I love you so much!

Oh, God, thank you.

Can we get you some gum or a mint or something?

Hey, little girl.

♪ [Music playing] ♪

Really? I love you, too.

Mmm.

What the hell are you doing? Give me her!

Sicko. Where's Latrell?

Dance floor.

Good morning, snowflake.

Oh, my God. Brittany!

What?

- We're on page 6. - No.

- Yeah. yeah. Yeah. - No. No. No.

Look. "Wilson sisters rock Hamptons."

- Wilsons rock! - We rocked!

Yes! Yes! Oh!

Wait. We weren't in the Hamptons this weekend.

Oh no! We've been cloned!

He's got to be around here somewhere.

Girl, wait a minute.

Isn't that Marcus right there?

That's him, all right. Old lying dog!

Ha! Caught you.

Marcus!

That sounds like Gina.

- Marcus! - Gina!

- Shh. Don't answer it. She'll go away. - No, she won't.

I'm not going anywhere until you open this door!

- I told you! - OK, OK, OK.

- What am I going to do? - Just get rid of her.

- OK. Um, I'll get rid of her. You hide the stuff. - Yeah.

Hide the stuff.

Marcus!

- I'm not playing with you! - Coming, baby!

Marcus, what is all that noise?

Oh, nothin'!

OK, baby, I'm comin'!

Marcus!

- Marcus. - I'm coming.

Hide. hide.

Hey, baby! Hi, boo-boo.

Mmm.

Nice room you got, Marcus.

Hey, baby, what you-- what you doin' here?

I could ask you the same question.

- Me? - Mmm-hmm.

Oh, I'm on assignment.

Are you wearing lipstick?

Oh, no. No, this is--that's kool-aid. You want some?

You know, it's filled with lots of vitamin C and riboflavin.

Is that a bra?

Oh, no, this?

This--this is the new, um,

new holsters they gave us at work.

They--they--they're government issue, see?

You can take and put two guns in there and just..."Freeze, F.B.I.!"

I know somebody's in here. Baby, nobody's in here.

Nobody's in here!

See? Nobo-nobody's in here.

Check under the bed! What do you mean, check--

No, you think somebody in here--

'cause I heard somebody on the phone.

Check under the bed! What do you mean?

That's where everybody always hides! Check it!

Marcus! Nobody can fit--

See, nobody here, right? Nobody there.

You know what? I'm gonna look in the bathroom.

Wait! No! Don't check the bathroom.

What do you mean? Don't check the bathroom!

You don't want me to check the bathroom!

See? nothing in the bathroom.

Nobody in the bathroom. Nobody in the room. See?

And ain't nobody but me here.

See?

You know, baby, this gotta stop!

We can't have love if we ain't got trust.

I know, but, baby, look, OK?

I was at the restaurant, and the card wouldn't go through--

Baby, listen.

If we don't have trust,

we don't have nothing.

Marcus, this is not about trust. This is about--

Gina!

There she is, right there!

Now, baby, I can explain.

I knew it. I know, but, baby,

it's not what you think. It's-- baby, it's not what you think.

Don't you even say nothing to me!

...not what you think. I can explain.

Baby, it's not what you think!

He's a man!

You're sick!

Whoo, yeah!

Lot of lovely ladies here today, boys.

Hey, Russ.

What happened to you?

I, uh... I, um...

I fell?

We have to find them and stop them

before they execute their evil plan.

Wait, what do they look like? Duh, us!

Afternoon, ladies.

The Chief would like to have a word with you.

- Oh, my God, Tiffany. - What?

They're the men in black.

Come on.

- Hey, easy, Ponch and Jon. - Hey, buddy.

- Move it along, pal. - Hey, my hair!

Chief, we just got confirmation that Burton's, uh, arrived at J.F.K.

OK, I want him trailed.

But give him plenty of room. I don't want anyone jumping the gun.

I want to get this guy red-handed.

Oh, get your hands off of me!

Let's go.

Hey, hey, easy!

Right this way, girls.

What the hell you guys doing with the Wilson sisters?

Chief, these aren't the Wilson sisters.

No, sir.

Chief, Chief, check this out.

Oh, my God! What are you doing?

Uh, that's on there pretty good.

Let her go. That's--that--that's nothing, Chief.

How about...

Ooh. Those--those are nice.

Th-that's enough. Hey, that--that's enough.

Chief, I--I don't know how he--he did that,

but you can't fake these.

Oh, my God! Look who's here.

It's that beautiful-- save it!

Because of you, I had to suspend two of my best agents!

But Chief, I can explain.

I don't want to hear it!

You're just lucky we caught Burton before he could strike.

But Burton is not our guy! Yeah, Chief.

Let me guess: women's intuition?

You're both fired. Turn in your guns and your badges.

This operation is over!

Come on, Chief! You can't fire us.

I just did.

Forget him, Marcus. We can do this ourself.

Look, all we got to do is--is--is--

Wait, wait, wait.

We? Kevin, this ain't about we.

It's never been. It's about you.

You come up with some stupid idea

and I'm dumb enough to go along with it.

And look where it's gotten me, Kevin.

I just lost my wife and my job because of you.

So don't tell me about "we" no more, all right?

They bought it. The F.B.I. is packing up.

They'll be out of our hair in a couple hours.

We could make the grab tonight.

You sure you and your friend can, uh, get the job done?

Would I let you down, Mr. V.?

Hey, man. I just want to say sorry.

Forget about it, dude.

No. No, y-you're right. You're absolutely right.

I-I've been selfish.

A-And I'm always dragging you into everything.

I never even asked what it is that you want to do.

I don't know, there's something about

always having you around, that just

makes me want to step up my game.

I guess it's because I always know you're gonna have my back.

Hello?

Thanks.

- Who was that? - That was Josh.

Turns out that Vandergeld's prints was all over the ransom note.

What are you-- what are you doin'?

- Callin' the Chief. - No, you ain't!

You said we could do this on our own, right?

What about backup?

Hey, I got you, you got me.

That's all the backup we need.

Triple-T, K.A.

Time to totally kick ass!

♪ [Let's Get It Started by Black Eyed Peas playing] ♪

♪ LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE ♪

♪ LET'S GET IT STARTED ♪

Three generations at the bureau, and I'm the first to get fired.

My dad is gonna kill me!

Yeah? What? Who?

Copeland!

Copeland, you dick!

You've got a lot of nerve, calling.

Lot of nerve.

Where?

You better not be wrong about this.

What? what? What? What? What?

I think we might be getting our jobs back.

- What are you talking about? - We gotta go.

What do you-- what--what do you mean, go?

How about this? How about this?

Rupaul or Whoopi Goldberg? Hmm?

I told you, I'm not playing your games.

Aw, come on!

♪ LET'S GET IT STARTED ♪

♪ LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE ♪

♪ WHOO-HOO ♪

♪ LETS GET, WOO-HOO! ♪

♪ LET'S GET IT STARTED ♪

♪ LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE ♪

Any sign of Vandergeld?

I don't see him.

All right, keep an eye out for him.

If it's going down, it's going to go down here.

Thank God! There you are! I did it.

You did what?

I got you into the fashion show!

- Brittany, did you hear that? - Yeah.

- We're in the fashion show. - Oh, my god.

Not if we don't get moving. Come on, let's go! Get the lead out, ladies.

- You're so funny. - I mean, it's like you forgot.

You mean the Wilson sisters are in?

- And we're out? - I'm sorry, ladies.

That's just the way it is. They're hot, you're not!

So deal with it, huh?

You! Straighten up that blouse right now!

That's impossible! We've been on that catwalk

every summer for 6 years straight!

Look, let's just cut to the chase.

Who do we have to sleep with

for us to get in the show?

Oh, honey, you're so barking up

the wrong tree right now. Really!

If you nail this, you're a shoo-in

for the cover of Hamptons magazine.

Darlings! Where have you been?

Megan! Don't!

This is unacceptable.

They just messed with the wrong girls!

I've been looking everywhere for you.

Can we get the Wilson sisters their outfits now, please?

Go. Go. Go!

Hey.

Uh, can we talk?

Of course.

Listen, you were incredible at the nightclub last night.

- Thank you. - Incredible.

Thanks.

And Heather will be leaving after the party tonight,

and I was thinking

maybe you could come by around 2:00?

Make that 3:00 a.m.

Um...

You know what?

I don't think so.

Excuse me?

You thi-think I'm just a booty call.

Well, I'm not.

And I deserve better than that.

I'm tired of being your doormat.

Doormat?

Honey,

what makes you think you're that special?

Bastard.

Excuse me.

Asswipe!

You're going to regret that.

I'm so scared.

Oh, my God! Tiffany!

Thank you so much, honey.

I am so proud of you.

Thanks. I just wish I didn't feel so crappy.

Oh, honey.

Sometimes a man can't see when he has someone so special

sitting right in front of him.

Are you, like, a lesbian?

I better go get changed.

OK.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this evening we are proud to present

the fall couture line, Aubrey Allure.

Please, take your seats.

Excuse me? You're not on the list.

Invitation, my ass!

They don't know how we do it.

- Let's just blend. - All right.

♪ [Move Your Feet by Junior Senior playing] ♪

♪ WON'T STOP, WON'T STOP THE BEAT AND GO ♪

♪ EVERYBODY, MOVE YOU'RE FEET, AND FEEL UNITED ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ EVERYBODY, MOVE YOUR FEET AND FEEL UNITED ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH ♪

Go! Get going! Move it!

Aubrey! Aubrey!

Didn't we just have this conversation?

Can we get these fantastic supermodels

back into their dressing rooms?

I can't believe it!

♪ I C-C-CAN'T CONTROL THE FEET ♪

♪ P-P-PEOPLE IN THE STREETS ♪

♪ COME ON, EVERYBODY, MOVE YOUR FEET ♪

♪ DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP THE BEAT ♪

♪ I CAN'T STOP, CAN'T STOP THE BEAT ♪

♪ I WON'T STOP, WON'T STOP THE BEAT AND GO ♪

♪ EVERYBODY, MOVE YOUR FEET AND FEEL UNITED ♪

♪ EVERYBODY, MOVE YOUR FEET AND FEEL UNITED ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH ♪

Oh!

They changed that quick!

Amazing!

They changed that quick!

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

These ought to get the critics' attention.

♪ S-S-SING MY SONG ♪

♪ Y-Y-YOU SING ALONG ♪

♪ JUST P-P-PUT MY RECORD ON ♪

♪ AND ALL OF YOUR TROUBLES ARE DEAD AND GONE ♪

♪ DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP THE BEAT ♪

♪ I CAN'T STOP, CAN'T STOP, CAN'T STOP THE BEAT ♪

Huh?

♪ EVERYBODY, MOVE YOUR FEET AND FEEL UNITED ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ MOVE YOUR FEET AND FEEL UNITED ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH ♪

OK, second changes, everybody!

Go! go! Go! Now!

This'll be a nice little treat.

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP THE BEAT ♪

♪ I CAN'T STOP, CAN'T STOP THE BEAT ♪

♪ EVERYBODY, MOVE YOUR FEET ♪

My god! What's happening?

♪ OH, OH, OH ♪

That's not mine!

Let's get out of here! All right, bro.

I'm sorry!

Oh!

Just give me your hand. It'll be OK.

I'm so sorry. Oh my God!

I'm so sorry!

I'm so sorry. Oh!

Come here! I got you! I got you! I got you!

Oh! oh!

Here we go. Up!

- Oh, my God! - I hope she's OK.

I'm ruined.

Looks like some people just don't know when to quit.

Come on, girls.

Help me.

I got you.

Karen, what are you doing?

Look, someone has got to give those girls

a taste of their own medicine.

So revolutionary! It's so bold and so...

So brilliant!

Yes!

Yes!

No! Everybody, they're impostors!

Oh, my God!

Hit the lights.

♪ [Music playing] ♪

Marcus!

Brittany!

Where's Brittany?

Brittany!

Where are you?

Brittany!

Tiffany!

Get down!

I told you you were going to regret it.

You hit like a bitch! Come on.

You run and I'll shoot you. Come on. Come on.

My turn.

Mama?

Girl, we gonna need some backup.

Keisha? Hey!

Girl, call Naynay and Laquanda.

Tell them to bring the vaseline and the straight razors.

These bitches on some other shit!

What's going on?

Don't touch my dress!

Vandergeld's got Tiffany!

What? No one messes with my queen!

Marcus! Are you OK?

No.

What's wrong?

These damn g-strings are killing me!

Freeze!

F.B.I.

You guys take care of those two.

We're going after Vandergeld.

Copeland! You're going to need this.

Come on, let's go.

F.B.I.! Freeze!

Daddy, what are you doing?

Heather, why don't you take your mother

and your sister and go on home?

Daddy, why are you doing this?

Daddy didn't tell you? He's broke.

What do you mean, broke?

Like Martha Stewart broke or M.C. Hammer broke?

M.C. Hammer broke!

No!

I've been funneling money out of the charity

into a private account, just to get us by!

Are you filming this? Are you filming this?

I'll give you something to shoot!

Get out of my way!

I can't do that.

No!

Drop it!

I got you, man.

Hey, we're gonna get that stain out. Don't even worry.

Don't move!

Warren Vandergeld, you are under arrest!

Hey, I just want to tell you, I appreciate what you did.

That was real brave of you.

I had no choice.

I couldn't let them take my one true love away.

Hey, dude. I ain't what you think I am.

Baby, we all got secrets. That's OK.

Are you telling me that you are not...

Yeah. I'm not a woman.

White?

Oh, the deception! The betrayal, man! You deceived me!

Calm down. I'm a F.B.I. Agent. I was uncovering a s--

Negro, please!

Didn't somebody tell you this was an all-white party, huh?

Someone get this jigaboo away from me!

Are you OK?

Yes, I'm fine. Thank you.

So, do I get to see my knight in shining armor?

Well... get a leg!

Get off me!

What do you mean? I'm going to let you have it!

- You ain't never met nobody like me! - It's me!

- You don't know who you messing with! My name's Gina! - It's me!

It's me. It's me.

Kevin?

Latrell?

Gina!

Marcus?

Oh, this is some Jerry Springer shit!

Once again, you guys managed to do everything

I told you not to do.

You caused over $250,000 worth of damage.

Two people were shot.

But at least you, uh, got the right guy. Good work.

Thanks a lot, Chief.

But we couldn't have done it without Gomez and Harper.

All right, I'll see you all in the office tomorrow.

All right.

Hey, good work, guys.

Who will be featured on the cover of Hamptons magazine?

All right, I got to go take care of some business. Um...

See you guys on Monday.

So, who do you think wore those panties you were sniffing?

Kevin or Marcus?

Gomez, I told you. I was looking for D.N.A.

Oh, yeah.

What are you laughing at, "Denzel"?

"Oh, what a beautiful chocolate man!"

You guys got some work to do?

I'm Denise Porter. Good night.

Denise.

Hi.

I'm Kevin Copeland. I'm an F.B.I. Agent.

I make $30,000, a year after taxes.

I don't drive a Bentley, and I don't have a house on a hill.

But I'd really, really, really like to take you out.

Are you kidding me?

Any man

who would jump in front of a bullet for me

can definitely take me on a date.

Baby?

Come on, girl, let's go. Wait, could I just please--

Marcus, I have nothing more to say to you.

I know. Just listen to me, please.

Gina, I--I lied to you,

I've hid things from you,

but I have never cheated on you.

But I am guilty.

I'm guilty of paying more attention to my job than I do my wife.

I'm guilty of not appreciating

all the little things you do for me.

Like getting your hair done.

Wearing that sweet-smelling Chanel Cologne I love so much.

But my biggest crime

is that I didn't tell you I loved you every single day.

- Oh! You're not going to let him off that easy. Let's go. - Will you shut up?

OK.

I love you.

A wheelchair?

Yes, but the feeling will come back, I promise.

♪ MAKING MY WAY DOWNTOWN, WALKING FAST ♪

♪ FACES PASS AND I'M HOMEBOUND ♪

Backup, Tony.

Hey, girls.

Hey.

Hi.

So you guys were pretending to be them the entire time?

Yes, we were.

But we was only doing our job.

I hope you guys aren't too pissed off at us.

We're so bummed!

We liked Brittany and Tiffany, like,

so much more when you were them.

So much more!

So I guess this means we won't be hanging out anymore?

Oh, don't say that. Of course we will. We'll hang out.

Yeah. We'll all get together and we're gonna go

shopping!

♪ [Hey, Ms. Wilson by The Penfifteen Club playing] ♪

♪ OH, MY, LOOKY THERE ♪

♪ STONE-COLD FOXY, PLATINUM HAIR ♪

♪ SHORT SKIRT, BARELY THERE ♪

♪ MAKE A CHICK WANNA HATE, MAKE A BOY WANNA STARE ♪

♪ WELL, MS. WILSON YOU MUST BE WORTH A TRILLION BUCKS ♪

♪ GET THE FEELIN' THAT YOU DON'T REALLY GIVE A ♪

♪ MS. WILSON, I LIKE THE WAY YOU PUSH AND GLIDE ♪

♪ ROLLER SKATES ON A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY, WHOO! ♪

♪ BREEZE BY, VELVET ROPES ♪

♪ SKI THIS TOWN LIKE A BUNNY SLOPE ♪

♪ OH, MY, THERE SHE GOES ♪

♪ A LONG MONEY GIRL IN HER SHORT MONEY CLOTHES ♪

♪ WELL, MS. WILSON YOU MUST BE WORTH A TRILLION BUCKS ♪

♪ WAS IT YOU WITH YOUR BUNNY ALL UP IN THE CLUB? ♪

♪ MS. WILSON I LIKE THE WAY YOU PUSH AND GLIDE ♪

♪ ROLLER SKATES ON A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY, COME ON ♪

♪ MS. WILSON ♪

♪[White Girls by Mighty Casey playing]

♪ WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ SUZIE, JANET, KAREN ♪

♪ GOING THROUGH MY MIND ♪

♪ SARAH, JESS, AND JUDY TOO ♪

♪ WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ JULIE, BETH, AND SHARON ♪

♪ HELP ME UNWIND ♪

♪ THE MORE I SEE, THE MORE I DO ♪

♪ DON'T TELL MINISTER FARRAKHAN ♪

♪ HE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ WON'T GO AWAY ♪

♪ THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT, AND THAT'S MISCEGENATION ♪

♪ TICKET TO RIDE, WHITE GIRL HIGHWAY ♪

♪ TELL ALL THE WHITE GIRLS THEY COULD SWING MY WAY ♪

♪ WHAT UP, BABY GIRL? HOW YOU DOIN', IS YOU SINGLE? ♪

♪ HAVE YOU EVER MESSED WITH A LIGHT-SKINNED MANDINGO? ♪

♪ AND I COULD GIVE A DAMN WHAT ALL MY FRIENDS SAY TO ME ♪

♪ YOU AND ME BABY COULD START MAKING UP FOR SLAVERY ♪

♪ GIRL, I'M JUST PLAYIN', I GOT A WHITE MOM ♪

♪ YOU GOT ANY BLACK IN YOU? WOULD YOU LIKE SOME? ♪

♪ OH, WORD, YOU LIKE MY SONGS THAT BE PLAYING ON THE RADIO? ♪

♪ WELL YOU KNOW THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY'S ♪

♪ I AIN'T A PICKY GUY SO I REALLY DON'T CARE ♪

♪ IF YOU A HIPPY WHITE CHICK WHO GOT UNDERARM HAIR ♪

♪ OR A GHETTO WHITE CHICK WHO BE TRYING TO ACT BLACK ♪

♪ WITH YOUR NAME ON A CHAIN AND YOUR HAIR SLICKED BACK ♪

♪ YOU COULD BE FROM ANYWHERE, MAINE DOWN TO MALIBU ♪

♪ CROSS A TRAILER PARK ON THE WAY TO PARK AVENUE ♪

♪ SEE ME WITH A BLACK GIRL YOU GOT THE WRONG MAN ♪

♪ OR MIGHT HAVE JUST BEEN A WHITE GIRL WITH A TAN ♪

♪ AND SISTERS DON'T GET MAD 'CAUSE I'M OUT, WHITE CHICKS ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE ALL LOOK THE SAME WHEN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHT SWITCH ♪

♪ SEE BACK IN THE DAY, I WAS GETTING NO PLAY ♪

♪ THEN I WENT THE WHITE GIRL WAY LIKE O. J. ♪

♪ SO YOU CAN FORNICATE, BUT I'M SORRY O'SHEA ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I GOT MY WHITE GIRL AND EVERYTHING'S OK ♪

♪ WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ SUZIE, JANET, KAREN ♪

♪ GOING THROUGH MY MIND ♪

♪ SARAH, JESS, AND JUDY TOO ♪

♪ WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ JULIE, BETH, AND SHARON ♪

♪ HELP ME UNWIND ♪

♪ THE MORE I SEE, THE MORE I DO ♪

♪ DON'T TELL MINISTER FARRAKHAN ♪

♪ HE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ SUZIE, JANET, KAREN ♪

♪ GOING THROUGH MY MIND ♪

♪ SARAH, JESS, AND JUDY, TOO ♪

♪ WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ JULIE, BETH, AND SHARON ♪

♪ HELP ME UNWIND ♪

♪ THE MORE I SEE, THE MORE I DO ♪

♪ WHETHER SHORT OR TALL, WHETHER BLONDE OR BRUNETTE ♪

♪ I AIN'T MET A WHITE GIRL WHO I WOULDN'T DO YET ♪

♪ FOR THOSE WHO'S GETTING FURIOUS, PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUS ♪

♪ I'M JUST WILIN' OUT LIKE EDDIE MURPHY IN DELIRIOUS ♪

♪ BUT IF YOU TOOK OFFENSE AND YOU'RE BLACK OR YOU'RE WHITE ♪

♪ I'M GLAD YOU DID, SUCKER, 'CAUSE YOU WAY TOO UPTIGHT ♪

♪ WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ JULIE, BETH, AND SHARON ♪

♪ HELP ME UNWIND ♪

♪ THE MORE I SEE, THE MORE I DO ♪

♪ DON'T TELL MINISTER FARRAKHAN ♪

♪ HE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ WON'T GO AWAY ♪

♪ WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ JULIE, BETH, AND SHARON ♪

♪ HELP ME UNWIND ♪

♪ THE MORE I SEE, THE MORE I DO ♪

♪ DON'T TELL MINISTER FARRAKHAN ♪

♪ HE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ WON'T GO AWAY ♪

♪ DON'T TELL MINISTER FARRAKHAN ♪

♪ HE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WHITE GIRLS ♪

♪ WON'T GO AWAY ♪