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1
00:00:02,437 --> 00:00:08,051
[Jughead] The year is 1955,
and nothing like this had ever
happened in Riverdale.
2
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:11,402
One of our own, Ethel Muggs,
had stumbled
into the sock hop,
3
00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:14,710
covered in,
we would soon find out,
her parents' blood.
4
00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:17,669
Both were dead,
stabbed multiple times.
5
00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:22,326
[door opens]
6
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,198
[Alice] Oh...
7
00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,721
What did Ethel say?
8
00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:26,983
Did she see the killer?
9
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,637
Well,
your friend's keeping mum,
10
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,465
but she claims
11
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:33,294
that the milkman
killed her parents.
12
00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,471
Willie?
13
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:38,690
He's 70 years old. [scoffs]
14
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:40,170
He is.
15
00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:41,563
Well, are you going to bring
him in for questioning?
16
00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:44,218
It's late and Willie could use
his rest,
17
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,133
so we'll, uh...
We'll talk to him tomorrow
18
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,743
after he's done
his morning deliveries.
19
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:51,529
It's tragic, yes.
20
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,488
But why bring her here, Alice?
21
00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,664
She has nowhere else
to go, Hal.
22
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,580
Her parents are dead.
23
00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:02,018
It's the least
we can do for her,
don't you think?
24
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,454
Think how this
will affect Betty.
25
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,587
That's all I ever think about,
26
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,415
is the well-being
of this family.
27
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,418
Which is more
than I can say for you.
28
00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:12,289
[sighs]
29
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,646
We're gonna make up
my sister's old room for you.
30
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:26,129
Here are some fresh towels.
31
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:29,567
If you need anything
at any point,
just come find me.
32
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:30,525
Okay?
33
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,616
I don't know what else
they want me to say.
34
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:36,574
[sniffles]
35
00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:43,712
It's...
It's almost like they think
that maybe I...
36
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:45,670
Ethel, is there anyone
who saw you
37
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:47,324
before you went back
to your house?
38
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:51,807
Anyone who could be an alibi?
39
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:55,463
No.
40
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:58,509
No, I was alone.
41
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,688
I'm so sorry
that this happened to you.
42
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:06,822
Please try to rest, okay?
43
00:02:11,914 --> 00:02:12,828
We're here for you.
44
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,180
Whatever you need.
45
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,791
[Jughead]
But Betty's entreaties
did little to comfort Ethel,
46
00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:22,272
who didn't say another word
that night.
47
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:24,622
Which only added
to the mystery.
48
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,363
Is Ethel hiding something?
49
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:29,497
And why did her milkman story
sound so familiar to me?
50
00:02:32,935 --> 00:02:37,200
♪ Listen to the winds
From the desert's
Burning waste ♪
51
00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:42,204
♪ Hear the words in a fire
When it crackles to you ♪
52
00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,512
♪ The devil is a woman ♪
53
00:02:44,555 --> 00:02:46,688
♪ A red-headed woman ♪
54
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,343
♪ A fiery headed woman ♪
55
00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:51,954
♪ Taboo ♪
56
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:56,480
It is high time that you got
yourself a boyfriend, Cheryl.
57
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:59,048
Mother,
I don't have time for boys.
58
00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:01,398
-I'm far too busy.
-Doing what?
59
00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:03,705
-Painting naked ladies?
-Mother!
60
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:06,273
What nerve?
That's homework for art class!
61
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,841
You could help, you know?
62
00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:13,671
Isn't there some
nice, normal boy
you could introduce her to?
63
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,414
I'm just worried she's, uh...
64
00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:21,288
developing unnatural
proclivities, shall we say?
65
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:23,377
What are you talking about,
Mom?
66
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:27,946
Find your sister
a suitable match, immediately.
67
00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:29,513
Do I make myself clear?
68
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:39,915
That was quite the scene
at the sock hop.
69
00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:42,744
Do you know that poor girl?
70
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:43,875
Not really.
71
00:03:43,918 --> 00:03:45,225
I mean, she's Ethel.
She kind of...
72
00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:47,618
She kind of keeps to herself.
73
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:52,797
Well, not to pivot
gracelessly, but...
74
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:56,410
Listen, Archie,
I'm really sorry
we got off on the wrong foot.
75
00:03:57,585 --> 00:04:00,022
Could we maybe try again?
76
00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:04,461
I... I really appreciate
the apology.
77
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,812
Look, the truth is, Veronica,
78
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:10,162
I just... I don't think
we're a good match.
79
00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:12,513
I mean, you're too much
of a handful for a guy like me.
80
00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:20,129
[sighs]
81
00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:21,957
What happened
to the Muggs family
is a tragedy.
82
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:25,569
It's all the children
are talking about.
83
00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:28,832
The parents are calling.
84
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:31,488
Asking how we plan
to address this situation.
85
00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:35,579
Well, I believe the most
prudent course of action
is to simply carry on
86
00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:38,103
with the week's
preapproved lesson plans.
87
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:38,974
Yes!
88
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:43,326
What's on the docket
this week, Ms. Bell?
89
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:46,198
Well, in fact,
the juniors are scheduled
90
00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:50,594
to have their PTA-approved
sexual education lecture.
91
00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,509
But we could postpone it.
92
00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:56,252
On the contrary,
I will give the lecture myself.
93
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,429
Splendid idea, Dr. Werthers.
94
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,779
Business as usual.
95
00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:03,912
That's the ticket.
96
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,008
Tough luck
about Veronica, chum.
97
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,010
I guess it wasn't in the cards
for you two.
98
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,056
Yeah, I guess not.
99
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,797
It's probably for the best.
100
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:23,061
I mean,
girls like Veronica run hot
and cold
101
00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:26,500
and it takes
a certain kind of man
to ride that roller-coaster.
102
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:29,024
-A man like you, I'm guessing?
-Pretty much.
103
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:31,505
But if you're hankering
for a steady girlfriend,
104
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,897
Cheryl's available.
105
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:33,898
Cheryl?
106
00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:38,076
Thanks, but no thanks.
107
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,339
Why not?
108
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:40,862
You don't think my sister
is a honey?
109
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:43,560
[scoffs] No, I mean,
come on, Chery's gorgeous.
110
00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:46,824
-But...
-But what?
111
00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:49,697
Well, she's always seemed
a little standoffish to me.
112
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,960
I mean, I've never seen her
with a steady boyfriend
or anything.
113
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:55,659
She's had boyfriends.
College guys, mostly.
114
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,966
You know what they say
about girls who
like older men, right?
115
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:00,534
No, what...
116
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,058
What do they say?
117
00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:04,538
They're a lot more...
118
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:09,499
open-minded than most
high school girls
119
00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:11,371
if you catch my drift.
120
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:13,416
You take Cheryl out,
121
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,983
you're made in the shade,
daddio.
122
00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:18,421
Something tells me she'd...
123
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,380
really go for a stud like you.
124
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:21,511
[chuckles]
125
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,558
Think about it at least.
126
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,877
[jazz music playing]
127
00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,844
Hey, Blossom, wait up.
128
00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:53,325
What is it, Serpentina?
129
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,719
I'm putting on
a little performance
at the Dark Room tonight.
130
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:58,461
And I have a feeling
it might razz your berries.
131
00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,684
Kindly mark me down
as a definitive,
"No, thank you."
132
00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:05,468
Ta-ta.
133
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,516
[Lizzo chuckles]
134
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:12,649
Think same old Topaz
always going after the
straight-laced square girls.
135
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,434
You know there's no future
there for you, right?
136
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,436
I'm not so sure
about that, Lizzo.
137
00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:17,785
What's your problem,
Topaz?
138
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,614
Am I too much woman
for you?
139
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,572
My problem with you
140
00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:25,183
is that you're
a high school dropout
and you're too territorial.
141
00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:27,707
But I'll see you
at the Dark Room.
142
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,623
And what makes you think
I'm going?
143
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,581
Get over yourself, Lizzo.
144
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,148
I know you wouldn't miss it.
145
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:38,980
[engine starts]
146
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:48,946
[exhales]
147
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:50,861
Kevin, you okay?
148
00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:54,169
You seem a little froggy.
149
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,563
You know, jumpy,
kind of like
you're avoiding someone.
150
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:59,957
No, uh... I just...
I had too much Highpoint
this morning.
151
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,002
It's okay, Kevin.
152
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,354
What are you doing tonight?
153
00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:07,051
Do you want to come
to an open mic
at the Dark Room?
154
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,490
A bunch of us hepcats
are performing.
155
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,496
Um...
156
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,585
The Dark Room,
157
00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:20,500
isn't that the beatnik hangout?
158
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,981
It's a coffeehouse, Kevin.
159
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,247
Do you have plans or not?
160
00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:33,817
I was going to maybe see
The Seven Year Itchwith Betty.
161
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,822
But she might like
going to the Dark Room.
162
00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:39,953
She won't regret it.
163
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,609
And...
164
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:47,135
neither will you.
165
00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:49,398
[chuckles softly]
166
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:55,099
♪ I wish I didn't love you so ♪
167
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,494
[door opens]
168
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,540
Cheryl,
I've been looking for you.
169
00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:03,194
Cool painting.
170
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:07,547
Why, pray tell, have you been
searching for moi?
171
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:08,983
Um...
172
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:11,376
What are you...
What are you doing tonight?
173
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:14,118
I was wondering if you wanted
to go see The Seven Year Itch
with me at the Babylonium?
174
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:17,426
I have already seen it
and found it
egregiously overrated.
175
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:18,949
Oh, okay. Well--
176
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:22,779
However, there is an event
at the Dark Room tonight.
177
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:24,607
Some sort of poetry reading.
178
00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:28,263
I wasn't going to attend
in fear of being slimed
by a greaser.
179
00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:31,832
But with the proper escort,
I might relent.
180
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,921
-Poetry reading?
-Hmm.
181
00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:36,401
Well, I've actually just
started writing poetry myself.
182
00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:38,621
How peachy keen for you.
183
00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:39,753
Pick me up at 7:00?
184
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:56,770
Hey, doll face.
185
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:58,641
Wanna go
to the Babylonium tonight?
186
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,774
The Seven Year Itch
is playing.
187
00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,297
Drop dead, Julian.
188
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,342
You know,
if you're still pining
after Andrews,
189
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:05,866
don't hold your breath.
190
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:07,868
Word on the street is
he's going to something
191
00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:09,609
at the beatnik bar tonight
with Cheryl.
192
00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:17,138
I want to go.
To the Dark Room.
193
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:19,836
I didn't know you were into
the whole beatnik scene.
194
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,534
Oh, I'm into a lot of scenes,
Julian.
195
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:23,797
Pick me up at 8:00.
196
00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:30,499
[Sheriff Keller]
Sorry to bother you, there,
Willie,
197
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:33,763
but we got to follow
every lead,
even the crazy ones.
198
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,156
Let me walk you out.
199
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,901
[door opens, closes]
200
00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:46,123
Ethel...
201
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:47,603
What happened?
202
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,039
It wasn't the milkman.
203
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,652
Or at least not that milkman.
204
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:56,525
So it was another milkman?
205
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:59,006
Or someone dressed like one,
I don't know.
206
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:01,791
Jughead...
207
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:03,184
I'm really, really scared.
208
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,841
What if Sheriff Keller
starts to think that I did it?
209
00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:12,193
Why would he do that?
210
00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:15,326
You know those pretend covers
I'm always drawing?
211
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,024
Yeah. They're super boss.
212
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:20,897
Do you remember
my meat grinder cover?
213
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:22,769
Yeah?
214
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,511
Oh...
215
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,078
Oh, God, Ethel.
216
00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:30,211
[Jughead] Ethel's drawing
depicted a girl
217
00:11:30,254 --> 00:11:32,082
who happened
to look like Ethel,
218
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:33,823
shoving dismembered body parts
219
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:36,391
that happened to look like
they belong to her parents
220
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:37,740
into a meat grinder.
221
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,265
It was a goof, Jughead.
222
00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:43,224
[sighs deeply]
223
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:45,661
I was just mad at my parents
for not letting me
go see The Tingler.
224
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,055
And now I'm afraid
that Sheriff Keller is gonna...
225
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,535
misinterpret it.
226
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:52,886
-Where's the drawing?
-In my hope chest.
227
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,801
I would get them myself,
228
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:57,238
but I just... I don't think
I can face going back
into that house.
229
00:11:57,934 --> 00:11:59,327
Not so soon.
230
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:00,894
Okay. It's fine.
231
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:02,634
I'm gonna get it.
I'm gonna go tonight.
232
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:03,766
Yeah.
233
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,290
[door opens]
234
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:15,909
Excuse me, young lady.
235
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:16,953
Where do you think
you're going?
236
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:24,308
Kevin and I are going
to a poetry reading.
237
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:26,354
Not before you march over
to Ethel's house
238
00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:29,270
and bring that girl back
another change of clothes
or two.
239
00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:32,316
Chop-chop.
240
00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,198
Oh, thank God.
241
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:08,962
[door opens]
242
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:11,312
The cops!
243
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:46,564
[Jughead] Here is why Ethel's
milkman story
sounded so familiar.
244
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:49,524
It reminded me of a comic book
Pep had published.
245
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:51,656
One of
their most infamous issues,
246
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,616
about a lunatic who escapes
from an insane asylum,
247
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,618
dresses up as the town milkman
248
00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:58,228
and starts murdering people.
249
00:13:58,272 --> 00:13:59,839
Ethel and I had both read it.
250
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,145
Then again, everyone had.
251
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,626
I'm sure it was a coincidence.
It had to be.
252
00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:06,715
But it wouldn't
look good for Ethel
253
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:08,456
to be caught with it,
no matter what.
254
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:15,942
And to the republic
that falls short.
255
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:22,383
One nation under siege,
indefensible.
256
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:26,866
With liberty and justice
for none.
257
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:32,306
All are beat. All are beat.
258
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:36,440
Gratitude.
259
00:14:37,398 --> 00:14:39,226
[all applauding]
260
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,361
Keen, but what does it mean?
261
00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:48,017
It's art, Betty.
It doesn't need
to mean anything.
262
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:51,020
I mean, it didn't even rhyme,
really.
263
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:53,675
-Poetry doesn't have to rhyme.
-Here.
264
00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:56,025
This might help make the
evening more tolerable.
265
00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:06,122
[sensual music playing
with bongos and flute]
266
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,429
Immortal Aphrodite
267
00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,127
on your shimmering throne.
268
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:15,653
Daughter of Zeus,
weaver of wiles,
269
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:17,090
I pray thee.
270
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:21,311
Crush not my spirit
nor my soul
271
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:24,575
with anguish and distress.
272
00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:27,448
Oh, queen.
273
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:31,104
Come release me
from cruel cares.
274
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:34,890
Let my heart accomplish
all that it desires.
275
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,284
Mine, as I am yours.
276
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,504
Take me.
277
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,464
Take me.
278
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:46,510
Take me.
279
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:49,339
Take me.
280
00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:51,951
[moans]
281
00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:55,128
[all applauding
and snapping]
282
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:56,607
[all cheering]
283
00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,263
I want to leave.
284
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:02,091
-What?
-Take me home, now.
285
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:17,977
Well, good night, Cheryl.
286
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,806
I had a real nice time.
287
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:25,114
♪ Everywhere I go ♪
288
00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,988
♪ I hear your name ♪
289
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,946
I wasn't expecting that.
290
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,339
Walk me to school tomorrow.
291
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:34,689
Yeah, sure.
292
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:36,996
Okay.
293
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,127
It's a date.
294
00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:40,738
Toodles.
295
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:42,523
Toodles.
296
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,961
♪ Hiding my tears ♪
297
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:51,010
♪ With a smile ♪
298
00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,150
[breathing heavily]
299
00:17:10,637 --> 00:17:13,728
[sensual instrumental
music playing]
300
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:52,636
[music continues]
301
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:58,137
[music continues]
302
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:15,545
[breathing heavily]
303
00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:23,162
[school bell ringing]
304
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:24,728
[Kevin] Oh, my golly.
305
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:27,688
Who knew the Dark Room
was gonna be such a gas?
306
00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:31,170
Isn't Clay just
an astonishing writer?
307
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:32,736
I can't stop thinking about
his poem.
308
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:37,698
I'm still reeling
from Toni's dance poem.
309
00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:41,963
It was pretty sexy,
don't you think?
310
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:42,964
[chuckles] I suppose.
311
00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:46,533
You suppose?
312
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:51,451
Kevin,
it was jaw-dropping.
313
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:56,673
♪ Blow me a kiss
From across the room ♪
314
00:19:58,022 --> 00:20:02,331
♪ Say I look nice
When I'm not ♪
315
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:10,992
♪ Touch my hair
As you pass my chair ♪
316
00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:12,733
♪ Little things ♪
317
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:18,913
♪ Little things mean a lot ♪
318
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,222
As I'm sure you're aware,
319
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:25,267
based on your eager,
320
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:27,835
sweaty faces,
321
00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:31,012
today's lesson will be focusing
on the fundamentals of...
322
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,494
sexual reproduction.
323
00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:37,584
Your bodies
are changing right now.
324
00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:40,587
it can be a confusing time.
325
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:43,242
You have many questions,
no doubt.
326
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,766
But first, first,
327
00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:49,378
let's begin
with a very useful diagram.
328
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:03,784
Much can be gleaned
from the typical
American flower,
329
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:07,135
whose sole function,
with its colorful petals
330
00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:12,749
and its pleasing contour,
is pollination
or reproduction.
331
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:16,536
I'm so confused.
332
00:21:16,579 --> 00:21:18,842
What do flowers and bees
have to do with us?
333
00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:21,323
Nothing. I don't know
what that speech was about.
334
00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:25,719
But recently I got my hands
on a copy of Kingsley's Guide
to Human Sexuality.
335
00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:28,069
That's got the real skinny.
336
00:21:28,112 --> 00:21:30,027
This is ridiculous.
337
00:21:30,071 --> 00:21:34,162
If you fuddy duddies
truly want to learn
about S-E-X,
338
00:21:34,205 --> 00:21:37,470
we have to stop talking
about it and start doing it.
339
00:21:39,385 --> 00:21:42,736
I'm going to host
a make-out party
and you're all coming.
340
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,130
Thanks, but no thanks.
341
00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:47,480
I'm a germaphobe.
342
00:21:47,523 --> 00:21:50,221
Is that like an orgy?
343
00:21:50,265 --> 00:21:52,963
No, it's kissing games.
344
00:21:53,007 --> 00:21:56,880
Spin the Bottle, Post Office,
Seven Minutes in Heaven,
Pony Ride.
345
00:21:57,533 --> 00:21:59,100
And trust me,
346
00:21:59,143 --> 00:22:03,887
nothing is ever
gonna be the same again.
347
00:22:03,931 --> 00:22:06,325
[Jughead] In that moment,
before our very eyes,
348
00:22:06,368 --> 00:22:09,240
Veronica Lodge became
a Georgia O'Keeffe lotus
349
00:22:09,284 --> 00:22:12,635
and Archie Andrews
a hapless bumblebee.
350
00:22:18,641 --> 00:22:21,252
Gosh, a real-life
make-out party.
351
00:22:21,296 --> 00:22:25,039
I'll have to check my book
to see what Dr. Kingsley
says about them.
352
00:22:25,082 --> 00:22:28,303
[Veronica]
Between you and me,
it all boils down to this.
353
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,044
Boys think they're in charge,
354
00:22:30,087 --> 00:22:33,613
but it's all about
our pleasure, not theirs.
355
00:22:33,656 --> 00:22:38,095
Well, right now, I don't think
either me or Kevin are
experiencing much pleasure.
356
00:22:39,314 --> 00:22:41,316
Hmm.
357
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,145
The more direct you can be
with your beau, the better.
358
00:22:44,188 --> 00:22:46,103
I botched it playing coy
with Archie.
359
00:22:46,147 --> 00:22:49,890
But I'll make my desires
crystal clear to him
at the party.
360
00:22:52,501 --> 00:22:53,546
[scoffs]
361
00:22:58,551 --> 00:22:59,813
[both chuckle]
362
00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:02,642
[indistinct chatter]
363
00:23:09,344 --> 00:23:12,173
[Toni] Hey, Blossom.
364
00:23:12,216 --> 00:23:15,437
You didn't stick around after
my performance last night.
365
00:23:15,481 --> 00:23:17,134
Did you dig it?
366
00:23:17,178 --> 00:23:21,443
It was a little... avant-garde
for my sensibilities.
367
00:23:21,487 --> 00:23:23,097
Archie thought the same.
368
00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:25,142
You have heard
we're going steady,
have you not?
369
00:23:25,186 --> 00:23:26,796
Yeah. We've all seen you
parade him around
370
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,929
like he's some kind
of prize stud.
371
00:23:28,972 --> 00:23:30,844
You know, you don't have to go
to some make-out party
372
00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:33,281
to pretend to be somebody
you're not.
373
00:23:33,324 --> 00:23:36,023
Why exactly does everyone
presume to know
my personal life?
374
00:23:36,066 --> 00:23:38,634
You're worse than
my hobgoblin mother,
and that's saying a lot.
375
00:23:46,990 --> 00:23:49,515
Kev, can we talk for a sec?
376
00:23:51,081 --> 00:23:52,735
It's about the make-out party.
377
00:23:52,779 --> 00:23:55,129
Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking,
why don't we ditch that?
378
00:23:55,172 --> 00:23:57,305
No. We're going.
379
00:23:57,348 --> 00:23:59,829
It's happening tonight,
Kevin, you and me.
380
00:23:59,873 --> 00:24:01,614
Because you say
that you love me
381
00:24:01,657 --> 00:24:04,878
and now it's time
that you proved it.
382
00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:13,669
[door closes]
383
00:24:13,713 --> 00:24:16,019
We'll cut right
to the chase, Jughead.
384
00:24:16,063 --> 00:24:18,805
Did you break into
Ethel Muggs' house yesterday?
385
00:24:18,848 --> 00:24:21,372
Uh, I'm pretty sure
that I was just at home
386
00:24:21,416 --> 00:24:23,070
writing and eating hamburgers.
387
00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:24,724
Because there's
a neighbor there
388
00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:27,248
that reported someone
matching your description.
389
00:24:27,291 --> 00:24:30,643
Teenager wearing a crown
exiting a window.
390
00:24:30,686 --> 00:24:31,905
Well, that wasn't me.
391
00:24:31,948 --> 00:24:33,646
-Hmm.
-You are a...
392
00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:36,910
Well, you're a bit
of an odd duck,
393
00:24:36,953 --> 00:24:38,868
aren't you, Mr. Jones?
394
00:24:39,260 --> 00:24:40,566
A loner.
395
00:24:41,436 --> 00:24:42,829
Like Miss Muggs.
396
00:24:43,873 --> 00:24:45,527
Is she your girlfriend?
397
00:24:45,571 --> 00:24:46,833
She's just a friend.
398
00:24:46,876 --> 00:24:48,748
Are you protecting her now?
399
00:24:48,791 --> 00:24:51,402
Maybe you helped her
do something bad and...
400
00:24:51,446 --> 00:24:52,969
now you have to protect
yourself, too.
401
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,408
I wasn't at
Ethel Muggs' house
last night,
402
00:24:57,452 --> 00:24:58,801
and I'm not her boyfriend
403
00:24:58,845 --> 00:25:01,587
or an odd duck loner,
whatever that means.
404
00:25:01,630 --> 00:25:04,807
In fact,
I'm going to a party tonight.
405
00:25:04,851 --> 00:25:07,288
-With all the cool kids.
-[Dr. Werthers scoffs]
406
00:25:07,331 --> 00:25:09,333
-Really?
-And... And for the record,
407
00:25:09,377 --> 00:25:13,120
the Ethel that I know
would not kill her parents.
408
00:25:13,163 --> 00:25:14,425
You're barking up
the wrong tree.
409
00:25:14,469 --> 00:25:15,339
Now can I go, please?
410
00:25:16,602 --> 00:25:17,646
Yeah.
411
00:25:17,690 --> 00:25:18,778
You're free to go.
412
00:25:20,127 --> 00:25:22,999
Oh, enjoy your party tonight.
413
00:25:31,225 --> 00:25:33,793
Oh, uh, hey, Clay. Um...
414
00:25:33,836 --> 00:25:35,272
Thought I missed
the locker-room rush.
415
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:37,492
What can I say?
416
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:39,276
I love a long,
lingering shower.
417
00:25:59,645 --> 00:26:04,171
[sputters] Um... Are you going
to that make-out party?
418
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:06,782
I don't think so.
419
00:26:08,175 --> 00:26:09,132
Why not?
420
00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:12,875
Because...
421
00:26:14,747 --> 00:26:15,922
I like boys, Kevin.
422
00:26:17,401 --> 00:26:20,317
And I don't think
it's that kind of party.
423
00:26:23,233 --> 00:26:27,324
Uh, that...
That makes sense.
424
00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:30,719
Obviously, most people
don't know that about me.
425
00:26:30,763 --> 00:26:32,199
I hope I can trust you
to be discreet.
426
00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:35,202
Of course, Clay.
427
00:26:36,899 --> 00:26:39,032
Uh, I gotta go. Um...
428
00:26:39,075 --> 00:26:41,208
-Gotta get ready.
-All right.
429
00:26:48,389 --> 00:26:49,782
-[Archie] Hey, Betty.
-[Betty] Hmm?
430
00:26:50,783 --> 00:26:52,219
You know that, um...
431
00:26:53,394 --> 00:26:55,265
sex book you mentioned?
432
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,488
I was wondering
if I could have a little read.
433
00:27:01,228 --> 00:27:02,577
Um... [chuckles]
434
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:06,363
Just so I can brush up
before the make-out party.
435
00:27:07,364 --> 00:27:08,278
Of course.
436
00:27:15,198 --> 00:27:17,418
What do you think
of Dr. Kingsley?
437
00:27:17,461 --> 00:27:19,202
I mean, I think...
I think I get it.
438
00:27:19,246 --> 00:27:20,247
I just...
439
00:27:21,770 --> 00:27:23,903
But how does it all start?
440
00:27:23,946 --> 00:27:26,122
That's the easy part.
441
00:27:26,166 --> 00:27:29,822
Okay, so say you're sitting
side-by-side
442
00:27:29,865 --> 00:27:31,867
next to Cheryl like this.
443
00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:36,176
Maybe some music
starts playing.
444
00:27:40,876 --> 00:27:43,923
[romantic music playing]
445
00:27:43,966 --> 00:27:48,492
Now you might want to say
something like...
446
00:27:48,536 --> 00:27:51,191
"Cheryl, would you like
to get a bit more comfortable?"
447
00:27:55,978 --> 00:27:58,154
[clears throat]
448
00:27:58,198 --> 00:28:01,288
Say, would you like to get
a bit more comfortable?
449
00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:04,030
Why, yes, I would.
450
00:28:12,865 --> 00:28:13,996
Then...
451
00:28:14,649 --> 00:28:15,563
she might...
452
00:28:17,478 --> 00:28:18,392
do this.
453
00:28:19,349 --> 00:28:20,307
Oh.
454
00:28:21,003 --> 00:28:22,439
And then what?
455
00:28:23,005 --> 00:28:24,093
And then...
456
00:28:27,531 --> 00:28:29,403
Oh!
457
00:28:29,446 --> 00:28:32,275
-I'm sorry, Betty.
-What? No. It's okay.
458
00:28:32,319 --> 00:28:33,494
I'm sorry.
459
00:28:40,196 --> 00:28:41,850
[indistinct conversation]
460
00:28:46,550 --> 00:28:48,814
[rock 'n' roll instrumental
music playing]
461
00:28:48,857 --> 00:28:50,511
Now, before we break off
462
00:28:50,554 --> 00:28:54,167
and retreat into
the Pembrooke's
various dark corners,
463
00:28:54,210 --> 00:28:56,212
I thought we could warm up
464
00:28:56,256 --> 00:29:00,477
with a perfectly innocent
round of Post Office.
465
00:29:00,521 --> 00:29:03,306
Now, boys, each of you
is holding an envelope
466
00:29:03,350 --> 00:29:07,006
containing a number which
corresponds to one of us girls.
467
00:29:07,049 --> 00:29:09,660
You must deliver
your envelope to that girl
468
00:29:09,704 --> 00:29:12,402
along with a kiss.
469
00:29:12,446 --> 00:29:14,535
Fangs, would you like
to get us started?
470
00:29:14,578 --> 00:29:17,146
-[clears throat]
-Reveal your number
and the girl you'll be kissing.
471
00:29:18,408 --> 00:29:20,062
[exhales] Okay.
472
00:29:24,675 --> 00:29:25,676
Number two.
473
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,027
[groans] That's me.
474
00:29:28,070 --> 00:29:29,942
I bet you've never kissed
a greaser before.
475
00:29:29,985 --> 00:29:31,726
I don't even eat French fries.
476
00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:34,033
But rules are rules.
477
00:29:34,076 --> 00:29:35,295
Forgive me, Midge.
478
00:29:36,513 --> 00:29:37,906
Don't worry, square.
479
00:29:37,950 --> 00:29:40,213
I brushed my teeth
earlier this week.
480
00:29:42,258 --> 00:29:43,869
-Ugh!
-Oh!
481
00:29:43,912 --> 00:29:45,261
Whoa! Was that cheating?
482
00:29:45,305 --> 00:29:47,742
It's skirting the edge,
483
00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:50,876
but hopefully Kevin will
give us what we all want.
484
00:29:50,919 --> 00:29:53,313
Which is a real kiss.
485
00:29:53,835 --> 00:29:54,923
Kevin?
486
00:29:57,447 --> 00:29:59,058
Uh, number three.
487
00:29:59,101 --> 00:30:00,189
I'm three.
488
00:30:11,026 --> 00:30:12,549
Hold your head still.
489
00:30:15,291 --> 00:30:16,902
All right, let's just get this
over with.
490
00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:19,905
[sighs]
491
00:30:22,777 --> 00:30:23,647
One.
492
00:30:25,127 --> 00:30:26,737
That's me.
493
00:30:26,781 --> 00:30:27,913
This oughta be good.
494
00:30:29,958 --> 00:30:31,438
Nice to meet you, by the way.
495
00:30:31,481 --> 00:30:33,527
Pleased to make
your acquaintance.
496
00:30:42,579 --> 00:30:43,493
Thank you.
497
00:30:50,805 --> 00:30:51,893
Five.
498
00:30:51,937 --> 00:30:54,287
Wow. [chuckles]
That's me.
499
00:30:54,330 --> 00:30:55,854
How did that happen?
500
00:30:55,897 --> 00:30:56,985
Excuse me, brother.
501
00:30:59,292 --> 00:31:02,991
I guess this is what's known
as a date with destiny.
502
00:31:15,177 --> 00:31:16,570
She's gonna suffocate him.
503
00:31:17,353 --> 00:31:18,702
But what a way to go.
504
00:31:22,968 --> 00:31:24,621
I think I got your gum.
505
00:31:24,665 --> 00:31:25,622
You can keep it.
506
00:31:25,666 --> 00:31:26,623
It's Triple Bubble.
507
00:31:30,671 --> 00:31:35,241
Guess that leaves me
and the Wild One.
508
00:31:35,284 --> 00:31:37,112
Luckily, I've had all my shots.
509
00:31:42,857 --> 00:31:44,641
Yeah. That's not a kiss,
preppie.
510
00:31:44,685 --> 00:31:45,642
This is a kiss.
511
00:31:57,567 --> 00:31:59,004
Okay.
512
00:31:59,047 --> 00:32:01,832
Now that all of our lips
are appropriately lubricated,
513
00:32:01,876 --> 00:32:03,095
we pair off.
514
00:32:03,138 --> 00:32:04,792
I, for instance,
might sneak off with--
515
00:32:04,835 --> 00:32:06,315
Come along, Archie.
516
00:32:06,359 --> 00:32:09,797
Let's find a private space
away from prying eyes.
517
00:32:15,977 --> 00:32:17,413
What do you say?
518
00:32:17,457 --> 00:32:18,762
Shall we go to your room?
519
00:32:20,764 --> 00:32:21,809
Actually...
520
00:32:23,028 --> 00:32:24,203
You.
521
00:32:24,899 --> 00:32:26,161
[Jughead] Me?
522
00:32:26,205 --> 00:32:29,208
You just hit the jackpot,
Holden Caulfield.
523
00:32:29,251 --> 00:32:31,471
I guess
that leaves the two of you.
524
00:32:34,996 --> 00:32:36,824
We could finish
what you started.
525
00:32:36,867 --> 00:32:39,044
In your dreams, prepster.
526
00:32:39,087 --> 00:32:41,220
I will, however,
let you drive me home
527
00:32:41,263 --> 00:32:42,612
in that sweet ride of yours.
528
00:32:55,843 --> 00:32:59,716
♪ Milkman,
Keep those bottles quiet ♪
529
00:33:02,545 --> 00:33:06,549
♪ Can't use that jive
On my milk diet ♪
530
00:33:07,289 --> 00:33:09,248
Don't, Hal.
531
00:33:09,291 --> 00:33:12,120
I've already
called Social Services
532
00:33:12,164 --> 00:33:13,817
and she's going back
to school tomorrow.
533
00:33:15,819 --> 00:33:18,431
[clears throat]
Thank you, Alice.
534
00:33:19,954 --> 00:33:21,216
Of course, dear.
535
00:33:22,826 --> 00:33:24,437
[pop music playing]
536
00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:30,443
Look, I don't know what it is
that you plan on doing to me,
537
00:33:30,486 --> 00:33:31,879
but I should probably
let you know
538
00:33:31,922 --> 00:33:33,446
the only reason I'm here
539
00:33:33,489 --> 00:33:36,101
is because I don't want people
thinking I'm a miscreant
540
00:33:36,144 --> 00:33:39,191
that helped Ethel
murder her parents.
541
00:33:40,670 --> 00:33:42,324
Funny.
542
00:33:42,368 --> 00:33:45,371
Sounds exactly like something
a miscreant murderer would say.
543
00:33:46,937 --> 00:33:48,809
Relax.
544
00:33:48,852 --> 00:33:51,768
I just needed a warm body
to help me get away
from Julian Blossom.
545
00:33:51,812 --> 00:33:53,248
That guy's an octopus.
546
00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:55,642
Well, glad I could help.
547
00:33:59,602 --> 00:34:02,997
By the way, what was with that
Holden Caulfield reference?
548
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,955
Well, isn't that your thing?
549
00:34:04,999 --> 00:34:06,740
"Everybody's phony except me."
550
00:34:06,783 --> 00:34:08,871
No, I just meant that not
everyone in Riverdale
goes around
551
00:34:08,916 --> 00:34:10,786
name dropping literary
anti-heroes.
552
00:34:10,831 --> 00:34:13,225
People do read in Los Angeles,
you know.
553
00:34:19,534 --> 00:34:21,797
So what's your dealio?
554
00:34:21,842 --> 00:34:24,149
If you're not dating
Ethel Muggs,
then who are you dating?
555
00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:26,150
Uh...
556
00:34:27,021 --> 00:34:29,458
Who has time for dating?
557
00:34:29,502 --> 00:34:31,851
What with all these comics
to read and burgers to eat
558
00:34:31,895 --> 00:34:33,723
and monster movies to watch?
559
00:34:34,550 --> 00:34:36,248
I like monster movies.
560
00:34:36,291 --> 00:34:37,726
The scarier the better.
561
00:34:37,771 --> 00:34:39,077
Mm.
562
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,295
I'll tell you my favorite
if you tell me yours.
563
00:34:50,391 --> 00:34:51,610
Ladies first.
564
00:34:53,351 --> 00:34:54,962
Creature from the Black Lagoon.
565
00:34:55,005 --> 00:34:56,529
-Really?
-Yeah.
566
00:34:56,572 --> 00:34:58,531
-That's actually
my favorite, too. I love it.
-Really?
567
00:34:58,574 --> 00:35:00,620
You know, you kind of remind me
of the girl in the white
bathing suit.
568
00:35:00,663 --> 00:35:03,188
-Julie Adams? I get that a lot.
-Mm-hmm.
569
00:35:08,323 --> 00:35:09,585
[soft music playing
in distance]
570
00:35:47,841 --> 00:35:48,755
You're not excited.
571
00:35:51,279 --> 00:35:52,367
Of course I am.
572
00:35:53,890 --> 00:35:55,370
No, you're not, Kev.
573
00:35:55,414 --> 00:35:57,459
I can tell
that you're not excited.
574
00:35:57,503 --> 00:36:00,027
You're not... aroused.
575
00:36:01,898 --> 00:36:04,945
Maybe if we just...
If we just keep kissing,
you know?
576
00:36:27,359 --> 00:36:30,927
You can move your right hand
a little higher if you want.
577
00:36:40,328 --> 00:36:42,330
Oh, not that high, Archie.
578
00:36:44,158 --> 00:36:45,464
As my nana likes to say,
579
00:36:45,507 --> 00:36:48,684
"Let's leave room
for the Holy Spirit."
580
00:36:48,728 --> 00:36:49,772
Okay?
581
00:36:57,606 --> 00:37:00,305
-Archie, your right hand again.
-Oh.
582
00:37:00,348 --> 00:37:02,481
I'm sorry
if I'm screwing this up.
583
00:37:02,524 --> 00:37:04,047
I just... I'm excited.
584
00:37:05,266 --> 00:37:07,094
And a little nervous
maybe because...
585
00:37:08,487 --> 00:37:11,054
you're so experienced.
586
00:37:11,098 --> 00:37:13,405
You know, you're used
to going out with college guys.
587
00:37:13,448 --> 00:37:14,536
Who told you that?
588
00:37:15,145 --> 00:37:16,451
Julian.
589
00:37:16,495 --> 00:37:17,887
Why were you and Julian talking
about me?
590
00:37:19,976 --> 00:37:21,151
Well,
591
00:37:21,195 --> 00:37:23,023
I mean, he suggested
that I ask you out.
592
00:37:24,546 --> 00:37:26,853
Yeah,
he said we might hit it off.
593
00:37:26,896 --> 00:37:28,681
Archie, I'm going to be
honest with you.
594
00:37:30,509 --> 00:37:34,164
I've never been
with a college guy.
595
00:37:34,208 --> 00:37:37,037
I've actually never really been
with any guy.
596
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:40,997
But...
597
00:37:43,870 --> 00:37:46,699
I'm quite certain
we can figure it out.
598
00:37:47,395 --> 00:37:48,483
Together.
599
00:37:49,136 --> 00:37:50,398
Definitely.
600
00:37:56,752 --> 00:37:58,232
[Betty] Dear Diary.
601
00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:01,714
The make-out party
was unsurprisingly a disaster.
602
00:38:01,757 --> 00:38:03,716
I want Kevin to want me.
603
00:38:03,759 --> 00:38:05,413
I want to feel desired.
604
00:38:05,457 --> 00:38:07,023
I want to feel sexy.
605
00:38:07,067 --> 00:38:08,024
I want...
606
00:38:08,068 --> 00:38:09,722
[blues song playing]
607
00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:14,509
♪ I'm gonna hoo-doo you, baby ♪
608
00:38:14,553 --> 00:38:18,034
♪ And set your soul on fire ♪
609
00:38:18,078 --> 00:38:21,995
I'm not sure how much more
of this I can take
before I explode, Diary.
610
00:38:23,605 --> 00:38:25,085
Something has to change.
611
00:38:27,522 --> 00:38:28,915
And soon.
612
00:38:28,958 --> 00:38:30,873
♪ Yes, I'm gonna
Make you mine ♪
613
00:38:32,527 --> 00:38:33,920
My dear boy,
614
00:38:33,963 --> 00:38:35,922
any updates
on our little project?
615
00:38:35,965 --> 00:38:37,619
We're made in the shade,
Mother.
616
00:38:37,663 --> 00:38:39,099
Got Cheryl together
with Archie
617
00:38:39,142 --> 00:38:42,058
and I'm fairly certain
they're going steady now.
618
00:38:42,102 --> 00:38:43,364
Very good, Julian.
619
00:38:43,408 --> 00:38:44,365
Well done.
620
00:38:44,409 --> 00:38:45,453
[footsteps approaching]
621
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:50,545
Good morning, Mother.
622
00:38:52,417 --> 00:38:54,593
-Julian.
-Cheryl Marjorie Blossom.
623
00:38:54,636 --> 00:38:57,247
What is that lesion
on your neck?
624
00:38:57,291 --> 00:38:59,293
It's a hickey, Mother.
625
00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:01,904
And I suppose you both should
know Archie pinned me
last night.
626
00:39:01,948 --> 00:39:02,818
[coughs]
627
00:39:02,862 --> 00:39:06,431
And I mean, really pinned me.
628
00:39:06,474 --> 00:39:09,869
As in, all the way pinned me.
629
00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:11,261
Barf.
630
00:39:11,305 --> 00:39:12,654
[horn honking]
631
00:39:12,698 --> 00:39:13,786
That must be Archie.
632
00:39:13,829 --> 00:39:15,440
He's driving me to school.
633
00:39:15,483 --> 00:39:17,790
I'd say he's a true gentleman,
but...
634
00:39:17,833 --> 00:39:20,967
the truth is,
Archie is a total animal.
635
00:39:22,403 --> 00:39:23,491
Toodles.
636
00:39:32,457 --> 00:39:35,590
Kevin,
I have something for you.
637
00:39:35,634 --> 00:39:37,026
What is it?
638
00:39:37,070 --> 00:39:39,289
Kingsley's Guide
to Human Sexuality.
639
00:39:39,333 --> 00:39:40,769
Betty, we're at school.
640
00:39:40,813 --> 00:39:42,510
You need to read it.
641
00:39:42,554 --> 00:39:45,383
Think of this as your own
personal sex education, Kevin.
642
00:39:45,426 --> 00:39:48,473
Finals are coming up
and it's time
to start cramming.
643
00:39:49,648 --> 00:39:51,606
Betty. Betty!
644
00:39:55,001 --> 00:39:56,350
Hey.
645
00:39:56,394 --> 00:39:59,222
I just wanted to say
fun party last night.
646
00:39:59,266 --> 00:40:00,963
Sorry I had to cut out early.
647
00:40:01,007 --> 00:40:03,488
But, you know,
I'm playing the long game.
648
00:40:04,532 --> 00:40:06,142
Really, with who?
649
00:40:06,926 --> 00:40:09,755
I'd rather not say... yet.
650
00:40:09,798 --> 00:40:11,931
But how did it go
with Bazooka Jones?
651
00:40:12,888 --> 00:40:15,195
Well, if you really must know,
652
00:40:15,238 --> 00:40:18,024
Jughead and I spent
the entire night together.
653
00:40:19,286 --> 00:40:20,548
Talking.
654
00:40:20,592 --> 00:40:22,158
Holy hell.
655
00:40:22,202 --> 00:40:25,031
Are you making a play
for that crown-wearing clown?
656
00:40:27,207 --> 00:40:30,689
Let's just say
I'm not ruling it out.
657
00:40:35,563 --> 00:40:37,522
-[girl 1] Oh, my God.
-[boy] It's her.
658
00:40:37,565 --> 00:40:38,871
-[girl 2] There she is.
-[girl 3] The girl
who killed her parents.
659
00:40:38,914 --> 00:40:40,263
[girl 1]
What is she doing here?
660
00:40:40,307 --> 00:40:43,049
Everyone's looking at me
like I'm a murderer.
661
00:40:43,092 --> 00:40:46,400
Hey, this is all going
to blow over.
662
00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:49,882
As soon as the actual killer
is caught, okay?
663
00:40:49,925 --> 00:40:53,059
Right now,
just take it nice and slow.
664
00:40:53,102 --> 00:40:54,887
[Ms. Bell over PA]
Attention, students.
665
00:40:54,930 --> 00:40:57,237
Will Ethel Muggs
and Jughead Jones
666
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,587
please come
to the principal's office?
667
00:40:59,631 --> 00:41:01,937
Ethel Muggs and Jughead Jones,
668
00:41:01,981 --> 00:41:04,244
please report
to the principal's office.
669
00:41:10,685 --> 00:41:12,470
Let me guess.
670
00:41:12,513 --> 00:41:14,733
You'd like to know
who was canoodling
at the make-out party?
671
00:41:14,776 --> 00:41:16,343
We searched your train car,
Jughead,
672
00:41:16,386 --> 00:41:19,302
right after you left
for school this morning.
673
00:41:19,346 --> 00:41:22,044
-Wha... Why?
-[Sheriff Keller] In any case,
674
00:41:22,088 --> 00:41:26,658
we found some pretty damning
evidence stuffed underneath
your mattress.
675
00:41:33,969 --> 00:41:35,884
Care to explain,
Miss Muggs?
676
00:41:37,407 --> 00:41:38,800
Mr. Jones?
48144
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