Original subtitles

Hey, fellas, I need some help.

My engine's burning.

Open the door, I can't hear ya.

Hey, give me your... I need the fire extinguisher.

My engine's burning.

Hey, fellas, I need some help.

Open the door, I can't hear ya.

I need the fire extinguisher.

Angels, your next assignment

involves a major art theft that took place three days ago.

Five million dollars worth of bronze and gold statuary

that was being transferred from Los Angeles Harbor

to the Wellington Museum.

You'll get the details later.

Meanwhile, I have just heard from Sabrina.

Still in a state of wedded euphoria, Charlie?

Well, not quite.

No?

I believe the honeymoon is over.

Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise?

No, the oncoming patter of tiny feet.

You're kidding. Oh, that's amazing.

She's quite thrilled with the whole thing.

Oh, by the way. Has Miss Welles arrived yet?

"Welles"?

Tiffany Welles, your new partner.

Charlie, I thought we were down to a trio.

Which reminds me, where is Bosley?

He'll be arriving shortly.

I hope you like Miss Welles.

Her father's an old friend of mine,

lieutenant of detectives in Boston.

She graduated from the police academy there,

top in her class.

Sounds interesting.

Yeah, she's something special.

As you'll see when you meet her.

That must be her now.

Hello.

Is this the Townsend Agency?

Yes, it is.

Oh, goody. Hee-hee.

I had such a hard time finding it.

I got lost three times.

Angels, did I hear someone come in?

Oh, yes, Charlie.

Well, then, by all means, introduce yourselves.

Uh, right. Right.

Would you mind if I had a pop?

What?

A pop. Heh. You know, soda pop.

Oh, n-no.

Oh, well, sorry I asked.

Oh, no, I-I mean I don't mind if you have a soda pop.

Oh, heh.

You're a peach. Um, where is it?

In the ice box.

You keep your linen in the ice box?

"Linen"?

Yes, you know, towels, napkins...

Uh, could we start all over?

Yeah, start over over here.

Ah.

Kris, Kelly, Tiffany Welles.

Hi. Hi.

We thought that she...

No, not quite. Our new linen service.

Oh.

Well, I couldn't find the refrigerator,

so I'll have to take a rain check on the pop.

I'll see you later.

Okay, bye-bye. Okay, thank you very much.

Bye-bye.

Shall we take this again from the top?

I'm Tiffany Welles.

Kris Munroe. Hi.

Kelly Garrett.

Hi.

Come on in and sit down.

Would you like some coffee? No, thanks.

You're staring, is there something wrong?

Oh, no. Oh, no.

You're right, Charlie.

I think she is something special.

I think so too, Charlie.

I'm glad you approve, Angels.

That's Charlie?

Welcome, Tiffany.

I think I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown.

Oh, no, no, don't worry, you're gonna be just fine.

Did, uh, Charlie say that he and your father

were old friends?

Very old friends.

You ever see Charlie?

No, I never did.

Well, your father, he must have told you a lot about him.

Well, he must have described him to you.

Didn't he, Tiffany?

Uh, uh, uh. Kelly...

Oh, he did better than that.

Dad gave me a picture of the two of them together.

Would you like to see it? Tiffany...

Quiet, Bos. Of course we'd love to see it. Are you kidding?

Listen, if you want to make two great friends for life,

show us this picture.

Come on. Hurry.

We waited a long time for this.

That's for sure. Ooh.

Like I said, they're very old friends.

How would you like a dead lizard dropped down your dress?

I'm sorry, but my father wouldn't tell me

anything about Charlie.

All he'd do is give me this dumb picture.

Sorry, Angels.

One of these days, Charlie.

One of these days.

Well, now that the introductions are over,

let's get back to that art theft.

What art theft?

Oh, well, we'll fill you in on that later.

Now, Bosley has your tickets.

Our client will meet you on the ship.

Contact Captain Stubing as soon as you board.

Ship? What ship?

The one that will take you to the Caribbean.

The Caribbean?

It sails in two hours.

All right, don't just stand there...

Haven't even packed. Come on, Tiffany.

We're never going to make it. We'll see you on the boat.

We like her, Charlie.

Bon voyage.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Hello. Welcome aboard.

Welcome aboard.

Captain Stubing. Yes.

Hello, I'm Kris Munroe.

This is Tiffany Welles and Kelly Garrett. Hello.

The Bosley people.

Welcome aboard.

This is Julie McCoy, our cruise director.

Hi. Hello.

Hi. Nice little boat you got here.

We like it. I think they call it a ship.

Oh, well, even better.

It's sea-talk. You'll get used to it.

Well, as long as it doesn't have any holes in it,

I think we're gonna have a wonderful time.

Just portholes, and they're all on the sides.

Good planning.

We try.

Oh, by the way,

uh, Mr. Bosley's waiting for you in Cabin 2A.

Where is that?

Cabin 2A. Cabin 2A is, uh, slightly forward.

I could take you there.

Uh, this is Gopher.

He's also slightly forward.

Mm. Yeah.

Well, you ladies will be having dinner with me tonight,

eight bells.

Thank you, captain. Thank you.

Till then.

Thank you, sir.

"Eight bells" means 8:00.

How do you know that?

Well, like Bosley said, we're very clever.

He didn't say where we were having dinner though.

When you dine with the captain,

you dine at the captain's table.

I had that one figured out.

Well, it's the easy one.

Gopher... Mm. Ah, Cabin... Cabin 2A.

Why don't I just, uh...

Thank you. I'll take those.

Okay, follow me. Ha.

Thank you very much.

Enjoy your cruise.

Bye.

Hello, welcome aboard.

Hello. Hi.

I'm Paul Hollister.

This is Wes Anderson.

Hi. Hello.

What do you do here?

Well, as the ship's cruise director,

it's my job to make sure you have a marvelous time.

Ah, well, that's something we'll do just fine.

Now, this we call a companionway.

On land, it's... It's called a corridor, but at sea...

Ah, here we are. Yes.

Oh, excuse me.

Hi. Hi, girls.

Hi. Hello.

Well, very nice,

but not particularly nautical.

Well, you didn't give us much time to get nautical.

Uh, thank you.

Ah, thank... Thank you.

Thank you. Bye.

You know, speaking of time...

Oh, yes. - -it's passing.

Uh, girls, this is our client, uh, Mr. Avery.

Hello. How do you do?

Eastern International Insurance.

Sit down, girls.

Uh, you and Mr. Avery will be traveling together.

Separate cabins, of course.

Uh-huh.

Uh, Mr. Avery is the chief investigator

for Eastern International.

He's what they call a retriever.

What are you trying to retrieve, Mr. Avery?

Five million dollars worth

of Grecian bronze and gold statuary my company insured.

Mm. I take it, then, that we are going to help Mr. Avery

retrieve these things.

That's the idea.

Here's a list of all the stolen pieces

and a description of exactly how they were taken.

You can read that at your leisure.

I also have catalogue pictures of each piece

which I'll give to you later.

In the meantime, I'll show you a picture of the fellow

who lifted the merchandise.

Uh, and I do mean lifted

as you'll understand when you read the details of the robbery.

Paul Hollister.

Hm. Too bad he's a thief.

Very handsome fellow.

Mr. Hollister is sort of a modern day

soldier of fortune.

If you'll excuse the cliché.

He, uh... He was a fighter pilot in the Navy.

He was wounded in, uh, Vietnam.

Decorated twice and honorably discharged.

Later he became sort of a...

A freelance international photo journalist

with some of your better magazines.

H-he was in Vietnam when the refugees

were trying to get out of Saigon.

He took these photos.

That is very good work.

Mr. Hollister was deeply sympathetic with the Vietnamese.

As a matter of fact, he, uh,

fought with them on the streets of Saigon.

And then later, when everything fell apart,

and the communists overran the country,

he barely escaped the country with his life.

Along with this fellow:

Wes Anderson.

A former Peace Corps worker.

He also fought with Hollister on the streets

and the two have been friends ever since.

Tell me, how could Hollister have been that involved,

that caring, and become a thief.

I don't know.

I do know he's been involved

in some brilliantly conceived thefts

in the last few years,

and Mr. Hollister has yet to serve

one day in prison.

Hm. So you want us to find Hollister.

Hardly.

You see, he's a passenger on this ship.

He and Wes Anderson.

Um... I'm confused.

It's really not very complicated.

Well, you see, Paul Hollister stole

the shipment of bronze and gold statuary,

when it was being transferred from a Greek freighter,

The Lady Scotia,

to the new Wellington Museum in Los Angeles.

Now, either we retrieve the pieces,

or Eastern Insurance will have to pay Mr. Wellington

$5 million.

Wait a minute.

If you know Hollister took the stuff,

and you know he's here,

why don't you just have him arrested?

I'm afraid I, uh... I can't prove he did do it.

Even though I have very strong circumstantial evidence,

such as the fact that he was a last minute

cabin passenger on The Lady Scotia.

However, even if we did have the proof,

we're much more interested in saving ourselves $5 million

than in seeing Mr. Hollister in prison.

In other words, utilitas ante iustitiam.

I beg your pardon?

My mother teaches Latin.

Ah, yes, "utilitas ante iustitiam."

That's, uh, "expediency before justice."

That's right. That's good.

"Expediency before justice." Hm.

That's very well put.

You see, I'm... I'm not really interested

in Paul Hollister's moral character.

I just want the merchandise.

Okay, where do we start?

Well, you three have to have dinner

with Captain Stubing tonight,

so I suggest one of you bring Mr. Hollister as a guest.

Uh, you said "we three." Where are you going to be, Bos?

Well, Mr. Bosley will be watching this lady.

Eleanor Case.

Well-educated, Art History degree.

She worked for various museums

before she went on to the more lucrative field

of fencing stolen art.

And like Mr. Hollister,

she has never spent a day in prison.

Where is she now?

She's in Los Angeles.

She and Paul Hollister met two nights ago.

When, I believe, she then agreed to fence the stolen merchandise.

So you'll stay in Los Angeles and watch Miss Case,

and we'll watch Mr. Hollister.

And you'll be in St. Thomas before me.

I've got to get back to the office.

Happy sailing.

Bye, Bos.

Bye.

Ooh. Lord have mercy.

Friends of mine.

Close friends.

Well, maybe one of 'em.

Which one.

Which one do you like.

I can't make up my mind.

Neither can I.

I think I could get interested.

Guess what.

You just lost interest.

You're very perceptive.

Oh, I suppose you wanna punch me out, huh?

No, I want to go change my pants.

Then I want to punch you out.

Lovely day, ladies.

Uh, bandit, 2 o'clock.

What? What?

Paul Hollister.

Sure is a crime he's a thief.

Isn't that redundant?

I think so.

Anyway, we've got to decide

which one of us begins a relationship

with Paul Hollister.

I think the decision has already been made.

By Mr. Paul Hollister himself.

Interesting...

how some people remind us of other people.

You noticed.

Yeah, we're all victims of habit, my friend.

It's time for a drink.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Hi. Hi.

Just saw you pouring something green.

Yes, but you can have any color you like.

I like green. It matches my suit.

I like it too. Heh.

Hi.

Hi, yourself.

I'll have the same.

Oh, certainly.

Bad habit.

Drinking?

Staring.

It's a habit I got into as a kid.

Hope you forgive me.

If you'll forgive me for hoping you'd be staring.

I like that quality.

What's that?

Frankness. No games.

Frankly, I really should get back to my friends.

Listen, uh, how about dinner?

If you'd like to join me at the captain's table,

eight bells.

Mm. Very nautical.

But nice.

A small salutation, if I may.

May every night of this voyage

be as delightful as this has been.

Thank you.

See anything you like?

I don't see anything I don't like.

Me either.

Tell me about you.

I already told you.

Ex-Navy pilot, photojournalist.

And now?

Now?

I'm taking a cruise on the high seas

and looking at a very pretty lady

who still hasn't told me what she does.

Would it matter?

Not likely.

Good. Let's leave it that way.

Well, now I'm really curious.

I think I like you curious.

Take me for a walk?

My very thought.

I don't think so.

Captain. Yes?

Would you excuse us?

Oh, by all means.

See you later.

What is it?

Is something wrong?

No. Nothing.

Ooh.

I'm still curious.

Well, let's just say I'm a lady who lives on her instincts.

They all do that.

Let's let it go at that.

Can't. Why?

I wanna know who I'm getting involved with.

Are you getting involved?

Are you?

Maybe.

Well, that's good.

I don't want to do it alone.

So tell me all about yourself, Miss Munroe.

Well, I like living well,

and that's expensive.

Mm-hm.

So I do what I have to do to survive.

I'm in stocks, bonds, jewelry, anything with a price.

Sometimes my methods are socially acceptable...

and sometimes they're not.

You're amused.

Intrigued.

Good.

Why don't we leave it that way?

I really should get back to my friends.

If you, uh, would like to continue this conversation,

I'm in Cabin 11C.

I'll keep that in mind.

Hi.

Back so soon?

Yes. It got a little heavy.

You mean he got rough?

No, he got very gentle.

That got a little rough.

Hm. You look happily distressed.

Yes, as I said, pity he's a thief.

You see those three?

What about them?

When Paul saw them, he got very uptight.

I'll check with the purser, he probably has their names.

By the way, what approach are you using with Mr. Hollister?

The old, uh, "it takes a thief to catch a thief."

I figure if I reluctantly confess

to a lifestyle that is illegal,

but very classy,

he'll take me in his confidence.

Hmm.

I'll see you later in the cabin.

Don't stay up too late.

Thanks, Mom.

Be careful.

Bye.

The hell are you doing here?

Mr. Damajaran is concerned.

You're supposed to wait in Los Angeles.

Well, he's also impatient and, well, a little suspicious.

I told you we wait at least three weeks

before we move the merchandise.

Mr. Damajaran accepts that premise.

It's just that we'd like to know where the merchandise is.

I mean, all of a sudden you disappear on us.

We went back to where the boxes were hidden.

They'd been broken into and, well, they were empty.

I took out the pieces to make sure none of them were damaged.

All right? All right.

Where are they now?

Now, you listen.

Damajaran hired me to move that merchandise.

He's been looking over my shoulder

ever since this operation began.

I don't like people looking over my shoulder.

Now, you tell him.

I'll move the merchandise

when I think it's safe.

In the meantime,

I'm enjoying a little vacation on the high seas.

I don't want to see you three again until I'm ready.

Mr. Hollister, you need to learn some manners.

Okay, gentlemen, the party's over.

All right, get.

Why don't we call it a night.

This isn't the end of it, Hollister,

or any of you.

Whoever you are. Come on.

Phew.

Well, uh... Ahem.

You're so pretty I think I'll forgive you.

Forgive me?

For interfering

just when it was getting to be good sport.

Ahem. Aren't you going to introduce me to the lady?

I'm not sure I know the lady.

She seems to change from moment to moment.

I haven't changed.

You're just getting to see a little more of me, that's all.

Ah.

Wes, say hello to Kris. Hi.

Hi. How are you?

Still interested?

Very much.

Mind telling me why you carry a gun?

You want to tell me who those three were?

That's a dull story.

Mm. I have a very patient nature.

Maybe we should, uh, both drop the questions.

Till we get to know each other better.

I'm looking forward to that.

CHARLIE: Well, Angels,

Bosley is still following the elegant Miss Eleanor Case

all over Los Angeles.

How goes it on the salty brine?

Well, Kris is keeping a close watch on Paul Hollister

and there are three rather unpleasant fellows watching him,

our client is impatient,

and Tiffany and I are getting marvelous suntans.

Good.

Now, the three fellows watching Hollister,

do you want me to check them out?

Please, Charlie. They're registered with the purser

as John Kadin, Joseph Stack and Edward Rourke.

I'll get right on it.

When do you reach St. Thomas?

Oh, in about four pounds.

Four pounds?

Charlie, the food is incredible.

I'm gaining two pounds a day.

So you'll be there day after tomorrow.

Oh, he's very good at math.

Yes, Charlie loves figures.

I love working for you, Charlie. Bye.

Goodbye.

He is going to check them out?

Don't you ever relax?

Well, not as well as you two, apparently.

Relax?

This is my first case. Do I look relaxed?

Yes.

I feel like a drink. How about you?

Hmm.

Two minds that think like one.

Wes, who are those three?

I don't know.

Who cares?

I care.

You worried about Paul?

Well, they did look pretty mean last night.

Well, Paul can take care of himself.

You've known him a long time. huh?

Mm-hm.

Didn't he tell me that, uh,

you met during that mess in Vietnam?

Yeah.

Those were good days.

Good days?

Yeah.

They had reasons for living, reasons for fighting.

They were good days.

And now?

Now the days are easy, but sometimes...

kind of meaningless.

We'll fix that soon.

Fix it? How?

You know, for a lady that carries a gun,

doesn't tell anything about herself,

you sure do ask a lot of questions.

Well, you know how it is

when a lady's interested in a fella,

she wants to know all about him.

Where he's been, who he's been with...

if he's been married.

No, Paul never married.

There was a girl once.

Just like you.

She worked with me and my wife in the Peace Corps...

but, uh...

But what?

Well, they were both killed during the fighting in Saigon.

That's awful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sure changed him.

I see.

I hope so, because...

well, Paul's the kind of guy who feels things very deeply.

I'll keep that in mind.

Oh, miss, uh, may I have a phone at my table?

Uh, yes, sir. Thank you.

Thanks. Thank you.

Oh, Charlie.

Bosley?

I'm still with her.

Well, stay with her.

I just got some responses from Interpol

on the two fellas you'd seen talking to her.

They're both known dealers in stolen art.

Mr. Wales and a Mr. Jurgensen.

So Paul Hollister pulls the robbery,

then goes to Miss Case,

who in turn goes to a couple of dealers in stolen art.

You know, it's beginning to track.

So it would seem.

I think it's time that I took a closer look at Miss Case.

I'll check back later.

Miss Case?

Yes?

I hate to impose,

but I would like to speak with you for just a moment.

You're not selling magazines, are you?

No, as a matter of fact, I'm not selling, I'm buying.

I think we can do business.

May I?

That's a very novel approach, Mr...

My name is not important.

In fact, in my line of work,

anonymity is sometimes a prerequisite for survival.

What is your line of work?

Let us say that I just toil

in the same vineyards as yourself.

Really.

It has come to my attention that you are the representative

of certain pieces of art that are for sale.

I can't imagine where you got that information.

Well, you have been in the company of gentlemen

who do deal in such objets d'art.

I keep company with several gentlemen.

Yes.

I can certainly see why.

But I happen to be

more interested in what was discussed

with two gentlemen in particular.

A Mr. Wales and a Mr. Jurgensen.

Are you saying that they

told you that I mentioned these objects of art?

Are you saying you didn't?

I'm saying I find this conversation tedious.

Oh.

Well, that sounds like my cue to leave.

Yes, it does.

Some other time perhaps.

I don't think so.

Good day.

Hello. Hi.

Mr. Avery.

You see the beach?

Lovely.

Should we?

Let's go.

Let's.

I'm not pleased, Rourke.

Mr. Damajaran, I would have been

more insistent with Hollister,

but, well, he's no good to you dead, is he?

Mm.

That young woman he's taken up with.

Who is she?

Her name is Munroe. Kris Munroe. That's all I could find out.

Well, find out more.

Everything about her and her two friends.

And get Hollister now.

Suppose he doesn't wanna come.

Bring him anyway.

Hollister. You stay real calm.

Somebody wants to talk to you out in the parking lot.

Now, you just turn around, follow this big fella here, huh?

Come on.

Kelly, look over there.

Aren't those the same three guys from the boat?

They certainly are.

Put him in the car.

No, Kris...

Lady, you've pushed your luck far enough.

Now, you wanna keep breathing, you back off.

I appreciate the thought, love. Do as he says.

You make a move, he gets it, you understand?

Let's go.

What was that all about?

We just lost our prime suspect.

Oh, terrific.