Original subtitles

Once upon a time,

there were three little girls who went to the police academy.

And they were each assigned very hazardous duties.

But I took them away from all that,

and now they work for me. My name is Charlie.

Hey, you're not leaving?

Sorry, my love.

I thought you were going to stay a while.

No, I have to meet someone at my place.

If I leave this moment, I'll still be 20 minutes late.

And don't forget,

you have exams.

For next semester's tuition.

- Clifton Cunningham. - Yes?

Come here.

Talk to you soon.

Real soon.

Hey, don't slam-dunk. That's not a basketball.

That's the signal. Let's split.

Hey, look at that frog.

Leave it. It's too hard to fence.

I like frogs.

Plunk your magic twanger, Froggy.

Hey, you remember Froggy the Gremlin

from Andy's Gang on TV?

That's not my kind of nostalgia. Now, come on.

Will you get out of here?

Hello, my name is Cunningham. I want to report a robbery.

Robbery?

Yeah, yeah. Of course I'm still here, I...

Let me call you back.

It's missing.

The frog. They took the frog.

Mr. Bialy, we have a small problem.

He says he's been robbed.

All right.

Mr. Bialy would like to see you.

I hope...

I mean, I'm certain you don't think

for a moment that I had anything to do with this.

Come along, Mr. Cunningham.

There. I've got my racing wheels on.

I'm ready for the paved wave.

Those things are dangerous.

And working for Charlie isn't?

Bos, you ought to try the L.A. River.

Now that's a trip and a half.

And risk my life? Forget it.

Hello. Oh, hi, Charlie.

All present and accounted for.

Good morning, Angels.

Morning, Charlie.

We have a missing person...

Cunningham, Clifton.

Bosley's got the file.

According to his neighbors, Cunningham is a classic loner.

Most of them have never even seen him.

Then how do they know he's missing?

I'm getting to that.

He owns an exclusive antique store.

And he lives upstairs.

Alone?

He makes Garbo look like a cheerleader.

The client?

Cunningham's mother.

Maggie Cunningham, of Memphis, Tennessee.

The man next to her... That's Harry S. Truman.

Hey, give him hell, Maggie.

That's Harry S. Truman?

I always thought that was James Whitmore.

You're to meet her at Cunningham's store.

She's some lady. I just hope you can keep up with her.

Charlie, you okay? You sound terrible.

Just a slight case of a rare affliction... Scotch poisoning.

Scotch poisoning.

Ah, I can see again.

That was when I made the remark,

"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."

Mr. Truman loved it.

He said, "Maggie, I'm just going to borrow

that phrase, if you don't mind."

Mind? Hell, I was flattered.

I didn't vote for Harry. But that's a different story.

Maggie, about Clifton.

When did you discover him missing?

Well, let's see. That was Sunday afternoon.

But you got into town Friday night.

And he was expecting you?

Yes, of course.

But I didn't grow concerned until Sunday.

I just thought maybe he was off

on another one of his buying trips.

I do hope you find him soon.

We'll do everything we can.

Yes, I'm sure you will.

Now look. If I wouldn't be in the way,

would it be all right if I continued

to live here in Clifton's apartment?

In the way?

You're certainly not in the way as far as we're concerned.

I am so glad.

I absolutely hate hotel rooms. They give me claustrophobia.

Oh, Mr. Bosley. Hi, Maggie.

Well, that apartment upstairs is like a museum.

He's kept all the good pieces for himself.

He certainly doesn't have any friends to give them to.

Huh?

Nada. Absolutely nada.

Gee, it is pretty sparse.

Uh, phone company. Fire department.

Hey, wait. Back up. What was that?

Consenting Adults. I don't know what that is.

Consenting Adults is a computerized dating place.

That's interesting.

Hey, look what I found over here.

This contains a complete history

of Cunningham's store from day one.

Detailed records of every item ever bought or sold.

Ladies,

two more things for show-and-tell.

You know that buying trip that Cunningham might be on?

Well, he might have company.

I found it sitting shamelessly on his nightstand

next to his big brass bed.

Who do you suppose she is?

I don't know, but it was taken at Perri's of Hollywood.

Maybe he can tell us.

And rushing in where Angels fear to tread,

I discovered this in his underwear drawer.

A cocktail napkin from a place called The Pub.

Don't tell me, let me guess. A strawberry daiquiri.

No. A grasshopper?

Tequila, straight up. Lime, salt.

Very good.

Glad you're impressed. Now you can impress me.

Ring any bells?

Rings my bells.

That don't mean I know her. Lots of girls come in here.

Yeah, I see a few in here right now.

- You're a cop, right? - Wild guess.

I don't talk to cops, much less meter maids.

Wonder what Lolita's ID looks like.

15? 16?

What kind of trouble you trying to cause?

She ain't hurting nothing.

Don't tell me. Tell the Beverage Control boys.

They love yanking licenses.

Hey, I run a clean joint.

Fine.

Just give me the information I need,

and you can keep right on doing it.

Now, look at the picture of this guy.

Stare into his troubled eyes and tell me what I want to know.

I've seen him in here once, maybe twice.

The girl?

Sometimes Fridays.

Don't know her name, don't know her business.

I keep my nose clean, if you know what I mean.

Sure. Make an educated guess,

and don't insult my intelligence.

Let me put it this way: She comes in alone.

She don't leave alone.

In other words, she makes friends easily.

It's been lovely.

Men never pick my pockets...

unless they've got incredible confidence in their fingers.

Do you have incredible confidence

in your fingers, Cunningham?

Did you pick my pockets, Mr. Cunningham?

Look, how many times do I have to tell you?

I was robbed. I was robbed!

When you say you were robbed, I want to believe you.

Ernesto, he wants to believe you too.

Don't you, Ernesto?

You bet.

I think you're beginning to understand

how badly I want that frog back.

Yes, I understand, but I don't know anything.

I don't.

Sometimes a horse has got to be prodded

coming down the homestretch.

Makes him run better.

Think, Clifton.

- Think very hard. - Hey, what do you...?

Get away from me. Get away from me!

He looks a little bit like one of my professors.

Maybe when he was younger, but...

No.

So you don't know him?

No, and I've got a pretty good memory for faces.

Did that man do something wrong?

No. No, he's missing.

Tell me something. Do you recognize this face?

You're kidding. That's a picture of me.

That's how I found you.

The clerk at the photo studio gave me your address.

- Gee, I'm terribly confused. - I'm sure you are.

Let me see if I can clear things up for you.

You see, this photograph of you

was found in this man's apartment.

Oh, now that gives me the creeps.

You see, this picture is part of a professional portfolio.

Are you an actress?

Well, a model. Sort of.

You see, I'm an art history major at UCLA...

and I do a little bit of modeling on the side.

You know, back-to-school promotions, that sort of thing.

That picture could've gotten into anybody's hands.

And apparently, it did.

Well, thank you very much for your help, Ms. Martel.

I'm sorry to have kept you from your studies.

Well, I'm sorry. I wish I could've been of some help.

Well, you can only tell me as much as you know.

You know, you have a really beautifully decorated apartment.

Thank you. I did it myself.

Did you really?

Some really lovely things here.

Lovely.

Good morning.

We never saw Cunningham.

We cleared out the store and took the stuff to the warehouse.

I haven't the foggiest idea why Cunningham disappeared.

And I'll tell you something else. I don't care.

But you and Mumford didn't do anything to him?

That I can promise you.

So why did that woman ask so many questions?

Hey, I'm not worried. Don't you be.

Okay.

Two seconds after you left, Bree,

she took off in a hurry for Consenting Adults.

And I mean in a hurry. She looked really shook.

She wasn't when I was there.

Butter would've melted in her mouth.

But, she lied about knowing Cunningham,

and her place was filled with antiques.

One of them even had the Cunningham label on it.

I saw it.

Well, she's had a lot of experience

at playing it cool.

She may be Tracy Martel to you,

but her police blotter reads Delores Martin,

with six priors, starting when she was 16...

All prostitution beefs.

What happened to the art history major?

That's the twist. She is in her last year of school,

with a 3.4 average.

Wow. Not your average lady of the night.

So what's the tie-up between her and Consenting Adults?

I don't know, but I have a feeling

one of us is going to get to play call girl.

Bingo. Guess who.

If I could squeeze a gold watch out of Charlie

now would be the perfect time to retire.

Oh! I'm sorry. The guy you're with is L.A.P.D. Vice.

I'm really sorry.

Listen, what time is it?

I've got to go make a phone call,

but I'll be right back, okay?

- I'll order two more. - Good. You do that.

Excuse me.

Oh, hey, thanks. You really saved my skin.

- What can I say? - It's okay.

A friend of mine got busted by that same cop last week.

What ever happened to the good old days

when you could spot a cop from a mile away?

Oh, they're gone. Forever. By the way, I'm Jill.

Tracy. How's it been going?

Not so good.

I'm beginning to think I was born under a bad sign.

I've had no luck since I hit this town.

Boy, if you can't make a living, we should all give up.

Really. I've attracted every registered pervert in L.A.,

Orange Counties.

No pays, hassles by the heat...

If this keeps up, I'm going to start looking for a day job.

Listen, one good turn deserves another

and let me turn you on to something.

Have you ever heard of a place called Consenting Adults?

- No. - It's sort of a dating service

It's run by this guy named Cooley.

He provides girls like us

with a very exclusive client list.

He takes a cut,

and the dating-service setup makes sure the cops stay away.

That's terrific. Why were you freelancing in the bar tonight?

Oh, Cooley didn't have anything for me,

and I've got bills to pay.

Look, I'll call Cooley for you tomorrow.

Oh, that's nice. Hey, how can I thank you?

Oh, forget it. Listen, good luck with Cooley.

Tracy gave you the highest possible recommendation.

Let's see if you and I

can't work out something that's comfortable.

I have a policy: I never give away anything I can sell.

You'll do. When do I start?

I'll be in touch.

Send the client in.

Thank you.

Hello. Hi.

Like pudding on springs.

I think I want that young lady's hand in marriage.

Sit right down, Mr. Bosley. Let's discuss your needs.

Needs?

I need that wonderful lady who just left.

- Do they all look like that? - Yes.

Let's see. Your profile says

you enjoy quiet evenings at home curled up with a good book.

I would suggest you want someone

that's mature, well-informed, cerebral.

I want that like I want the heartbreak of psoriasis.

Oh, no, Mr. Cooley.

That's not what I had in mind at all.

What kind of books do you enjoy?

I loathe books. I like lascivious banter.

I like action. I like that girl. Get it?

Got it.

Good.

You girls are doing a wonderful job.

I know you're going to find Clifton soon

and everything will be just fine.

- Maggie, uh... - You have such zest.

You know, last night I was trying to figure out

who is it that you remind me of.

Now, don't take this wrong, Sabrina,

but you remind me of myself.

When I was much, much younger, of course.

Well, that's very flattering.

No, it isn't.

All three of you seem to be

so alive and have so much vitality.

You must enjoy your work.

Not always.

Like now.

Is it something about Clifton?

Uh, yes, it is, Maggie.

We found out that Clifton joined a computerized dating service

called Consenting Adults.

From there, we connected him

with the girl in the photograph, Tracy Martel.

And, um...

Well, I don't know how to put this...

Sabrina, come right out with it.

She's a prostitute.

Oh, I'm sorry, Maggie.

I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to shock you.

Shock me?

Sabrina, darling.

I was raised to believe

that what adults do with one another

is nobody's business but their own.

Maggie, you never cease to amaze me.

Good.

I still don't get it. Would you run it by once again?

Okay. L.A.P.D. routinely tapes all incoming calls.

Cunningham started to report the robbery on Friday,

but never finished the call.

I'm with you so far.

So I checked with the phone company.

There was a message unit call made a couple

of minutes after the call to the cops.

This was the place he called.

A stable?

He interrupted calling the police to call a stable?

Curiouser and curiouser.

Hey! Khaki. I'd know that punim anywhere.

So that's Khaki. I'd give anything to be what he is.

A horse?

No, an undefeated 2-year-old.

I lost a fortune on that horse.

But he's never lost.

I know. I never bet him.

Smoke that pipe someplace else. Don't do it here.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. Just get lost.

The last thing in the world

Khaki needs is to inhale pipe smoke.

You're his owner, right?

That's right.

Hi, I'm Kelly Garrett. I'm with New Sport magazine.

Never heard of it.

Oh, uh, it's new.

I keep my ear to the ground. I usually hear about new things.

Uh, our first issue hits the stands in three months.

I'm one of the editors, and that's why I'm here.

You see, the editorial department

is having a slight disagreement

over the cover of our first issue.

Disagreement?

There's a contingent,

including Bosley here,

that wants Nadia Comaneci on the cover.

Nadia Comaneci?

She's that delightful Romanian.

I know who she is.

I want Khaki on the cover.

Who do you want on the cover?

Ms. Garrett, in this ordinary world,

Khaki is rather special, I think.

The term "superstar" is too cheap.

Khaki is your cover, Ms. Garrett.

I want you to know I'll be just as persuasive as I can.

Please count on my cooperation, Ms. Garrett.

Thank you again. I'll be in touch.

It's a real pleasure, Ms. Garrett.

Bosley? Oh, yes.

Do you know who that was? Ed Bialy.

The Ed Bialy of Kansas City renown?

One and the same. Of Pasadena and Palm Springs now.

He left Kansas City when he got out of the labor rackets.

I wonder what the connection is between Bialy and Cunningham.

Whatever it is, it's unwholesome.

In 1955, an independent poll

of publishers and broadcasters

voted him the meanest man on Earth.

You're a brave man, Clifton.

But it's a misplaced bravery.

Which is the same thing as stupidity.

Tell us about the girl. We're all men here.

I won't...

I won't involve her.

When it comes to inflicting pain, Clifton,

Ernesto has astounding stamina.

He can dish it out better than you can take it.

That's enough.

Let's reconstruct the day of the robbery, shall we?

You're always in your store at noon.

That day you weren't. Why?

I... I was seeing the girl.

While you were having your thirst for lust quenched,

your store was being robbed.

Who do you think knew that you weren't going to be there?

I'll answer that for you: the girl.

And who do you think's responsible

for the situation you find yourself in now?

Again, the girl.

She set you up.

The name, Clifton.

I want the name of that girl. I want her address.

All right.

All right, all right. I'll tell you.

What are you doing here?

You're a cop.

You're a lousy cop.

Tracy, listen...

I do you a favor, and you set me up for a two-bit bust.

No. That's not it at all.

Listen, I'm not proud of what I do for a living, lady,

but you're the real sicko.

Okay, let's both stop playing games.

For starters, you can drop the "Tracy."

It rhymes with "Stacy" and "Macy"

and all those other jive names hookers like to latch onto.

Your name is Delores Martin.

You're into a pretty heavy Sherlock Holmes fantasy.

You think this case will ever get to court?

I'm not your ticket to a promotion,

if that's what you think.

I'm not L.A.P.D. I'm a private investigator.

And when you get to court,

it won't be on a prostitution rap.

Try robbery, kidnapping... Maybe murder.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Is Cunningham dead?

He was here Friday afternoon, wasn't he?

The same time his store was being burglarized, right?

What happened next, Delores?

Nothing.

Clifton figured out your role in the robbery, didn't he?

No.

Okay, okay.

You're right about the robbery, but that's it.

Hey, turning tricks is one thing,

but you're in serious trouble.

I swear to you, I don't know what happened to Cunningham.

I am your friend. I want you to believe that.

But I have to have more to go on.

You set up the tricks to be ripped off,

including Cunningham, right?

Through Cooley?

Who pulled the jobs?

Cooley. And?

Some ex-con named Mumford.

Okay, let's have a little instant plea-bargaining.

I'll help you with the police, but you have to help me.

How?

I want to find out what happened to Cunningham.

Trust me? Will you go along with it?

Please?

Tell me what you want me to do.

Tracy's going to call as soon as she talks to Cooley.

And you and Bosley will be swept away on the wings of romance?

Right.

And Cooley and Mumford hopefully will hit our rented mansion.

Is everything all set, Bosley?

It's all there, clean and well-furnished.

I only hope they appreciate it.

Are you sure they'll show right away?

Yeah. We're only supposed to be in Vegas for one night.

Hello? Hi, Tracy. Cooley bought it?

Yeah, he's going to call you and confirm it.

Oh, good. I'll let you know as soon as we get him.

Bye.

They've just arrived. Jill, are you in position?

Yes, we are.

This is going to be the most documented burglary

of all times.

Also the beginning of an exciting career

in photojournalism.

We'll put together a scrapbook for them.

It'll give them something to look at in prison.

Hey, Kelly, what's going on down

there? It's been almost an hour.

They should be finished soon, Sabrina. Just hold on.

They're picking the place clean.

Don't worry, Bos. They don't get to keep any of it.

There should be a time limit, like on a game show.

They're getting into the truck.

Sabrina, here they come.

Get ready.

Right.

Look at it this way, honey.

Very simple.

Here's the paper. Here's a pen.

Now, either you write down the address of that warehouse...

Or I'll break your fingers, one by one.

There. Now what happens to me?

If I find a certain frog, nothing.

I'll even get you a ride to the airport.

But if I don't get what I'm looking for...

Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

We're heading west on San Fernando Road.

Got you.

They're taking the truck into a warehouse.

Now, I'm at San Fernando Road near...

We're losing you.

I said, I'm at San Fernando Road...

Sabrina. Sabrina, come in. You're breaking up.

I made out San Fernando Road, but I didn't hear where.

San Fernando is a long road.

Ludwig!

This is Ludwig.

Ludwig used to belong to a cocaine dealer

out in Baldwin Hills.

Who kept him locked up in his garage all summer.

So Ludwig has got a lot of catching up to do.

And Ludwig is a leg man.

A-1 Lumber?

Not A-1 Lumber?

Oh, I'm in the wrong place. I'm sorry. Excuse me.

No, no, no. Don't go too far. I want her to be able to speak.

Now, once more. What's your name?

What are you doing here?

Don't do that.

Cooley.

Hey.

How come she knows your name?

Shut up.

Where do I know you from?

You don't know me. I know you.

You got a jacket downtown a mile long.

It doesn't mention violence, at least not yet.

Hey, what do you want to start now for, huh?

Now's as good a time as any.

No.

Wrong. That would be dumb.

And sloppy.

See, um, I got friends.

Take a look.

Gentlemen...

put the gun down.

Come around the chair.

Now face the pretty lady.

Put your hands behind your head.

I got nothing to say to anybody but my attorney.

Wonderful. That's what lawyers are for.

Down on the floor.

Kneel!

Who are you?

Be patient, little lady. Be with you in a minute.

What are you doing?

You're a real lucky lady.

That's funny. I don't feel so lucky.

You're much too pretty to kill.

What's that supposed to mean?

Like I said, you're a lucky lady.

Lucky those guys blindfolded you.

Lucky I didn't get paid to kill you.

Take care.

Kelly, pull over. There's Sabrina's car.

Move and you're part of the wall!

What a rotten attitude.

What has been going on in here?

I don't know.

I have been here the whole time. I don't know.

We still have the same question:

What is the tie-up between Cunningham and Bialy?

And what was in the statue that got smashed?

And why did we ever go to work for Charlie in the first place?

This is no time to get discouraged.

Why not? We started with one missing person.

We still have one missing person and two corpses,

and we don't even know more than when we first started.

All we have is one antique dealer and one ex-racketeer.

Who says he's ex?

What do you mean?

Well, now, we've been assuming

that he's out of the rackets

and he's into raising horses, right?

Now, suppose that's just a hobby.

Hobby horses?

Oh, Bos.

What racket do you think he's in?

There's only one reason he'd be dealing with Cunningham.

Antique dealers travel all over the world.

Smuggling?

That's right.

And let's see.

Last trip Clifton Cunningham took

was to South Africa.

So, if the theory is true, he was smuggling back...

Diamonds.

Diamonds.

Okay.

So Cunningham brings the diamonds into this country

and he's supposed to deliver them to Bialy, but...

Tracy sets him up to be ripped off by thieves

who get the diamonds,

and they don't even know what they've got.

Ah, the bliss of ignorance.

Oh, I wish I'd said that.

So, Cunningham is with Bialy.

Yeah, and that's what worries me.

If that's the case, then Maggie's blue-eyed boy

is in a lot of trouble with the law.

Okay, how are we going to prove any of this?

One thin dime. Hey, Bos.

You remember Bialy's voice?

Pretty good.

Think you could take half an hour and, uh,

get a letter-perfect impersonation going?

Hello?

But I don't understand.

Now, listen, jocko, I don't pay you to understand.

I pay you to obey orders.

I want Khaki transferred to my property.

There will be two lady veterinarians

coming by to pick him up,

so I want him in the trailer and I want him prepared.

- Do you understand that? - Yes, sir.

Rich Little, eat your heart out.

When we were at the police academy, did you ever think

we'd be involved in a scheme to steal a racehorse?

Those were the good old dull days.

You know what? I miss the good old dull days.

Yes.

Okay, he's all yours.

- Thank you. - So long.

Mr. Bialy, please.

I don't know what the landlord's going to say.

Mr. Bialy.

Never mind who this is.

The point is, Khaki's gone, and I've got him.

Do you follow me so far?

I follow.

I will return Khaki to you

in exchange for the contents of the frog

and the return of Clifton Cunningham.

What do you think was in the frog?

Diamonds, Mr. Bialy.

We know all about Cunningham's

recent trip to South Africa.

Now, about those diamonds.

I would like them delivered to Griffith Park, 12 noon.

You will go to the east parking lot

and there you will receive further instructions.

Mr. Bialy, have I made myself perfectly clear?

We wouldn't want any mistakes.

Or you'll never see Khaki again.

We wouldn't really hurt you, Khaki.

Be there at noon. And take him.

Wait a minute. Take him.

Come on. Let's go.

Hello, Cunningham.

Who are you?

What you're looking for is down there.

What would your mother say if she could see you like this?

Diamonds?

Where's the horse?

We didn't bring him, exactly.

No horse, no diamonds.

See that trash barrel over there?

There are instructions where you can find the horse.

How do I know they're for real?

Come on, where do you think

I'm going to fence a stolen horse?

Come on.

Okay. Get the instructions.

The diamonds.

Same time, okay?

Okay.

Hey, mister! My truck!

Now fill me in on the details.

What happened to the Tracy Martel girl?

Oh, she left town right after Bialy let her go,

not too far ahead of the law.

Fortunately, Bialy wasn't able to follow suit.

The police found him at the stables.

Which they've been trying to do for the last three decades.

Are they going to be able to get a conviction?

They think so.

His bodyguard is facing two counts of murder,

and he's singing like a lark.

That'll put Bialy away for a long time.

Oh, you girls have done a marvelous job.

They deserve to celebrate.

I wish it could be a little bit more of a celebration.

Oh, you mean Clifton? Oh, don't you worry about that, dear.

If he's proven innocent, that's fine.

Now, if he has to do a little time,

well, maybe that's just what he needs to straighten him up.

At the very least, it will be a learning experience.

A learning experience.

Excuse me. Are you Mr. Bosley?

- Oh, yes. - I have a call for you.

Thank you. Excuse me, girls. Hello?

Bosley, I'm calling from a phone booth,

so I'll make this short but sweet.

I just want you to convey my appreciation to the Angels.

I was adding up the box score.

Very impressive work.

Will do.

That was Charlie, and he sends his congratulations.

Oh, wasn't that thoughtful?

- Maybe we'll meet him someday. - Oh, I wouldn't count on that.

Could I have the check, please?

Oh, it's been taken care of,

by that man that was sitting over here.

Did he mention his name?

Yes. It was Charlie.

Charlie? Did you see him?

- Was he good-looking? - Tall? Short?

Did he have a mustache? I'll bet he had a mustache.