Original subtitles

"My poor heart, afflicted and insane.

could never be freed from the Iove of my Ioved one.

On the day that they served the wine of Iove,

My cup was filled with the blood of my heart!"

Without EIena I can't go on Iiving.

If I Iose her...

I think of the desert.

The Iife-forms which inhabit it are countless,

contrary to what one imagines.

They are resistant and fit to found a new Iife

because it is the extreme dryness that forms them.

Great are the deserts.

My dear Omar,

Iet us make the most of this moment of clear-sightedness.

Gambling is only a transfer, it doesn't generate wealth.

But if EIena changes hands, and in good hands she'II be,

It is because deep down she never Ioved you. My Ioss is your gain.

On the contrary, what does it matter to me if I Iose my possessions?

To be Iiterally " in naturalibus", as they say.

You must agree that death is preferable to such a fate.

I would never allow you to reach such a state.

It would be a privilege to keep you as my friend

and to offer you a high position as a Counsellor. You'd be respected.

No, thank you.

I don't know how to give advice and I detest respectability.

You are the host.

Goodbye, my friend.

Has Omar Ieft? Without a word?

He said...

" Love moves the Sun and other stars."

Isn't that sacrilege?

The holy icons were stolen around the time of the French invasions,

probably by Napoleon's troops.

Not having religious convictions, I see no reason

to make this chapel a place of worship again.

The new god appears in all his splendour.

"lta missa est. "

I would prefer you not to take me for a priest of the money-god.

I accept, however, that this altar is a place of an ironic deposit

for those who, without serving themselves, make use of it.

EIena,

You are my only goddess...

... the only one I wish to take to the altar.

Is that a proposal of marriage?

It's the famous cow-kiss.

I know vices.

It's in perfect state and the sound quality is ideal

for creating an intimate atmosphere in this beautiful room.

And when do you think the Princess can begin strumming?

Whenever you wish Baron. I, besides a bit of tuning,

still Iive off odd-jobs. This is a disgrace.

You start your Iessons after the honeymoon.

How are things for tonight?

Everything is ready, but there's a minor setback...

Repairable?

Repairable if it's oiled in time.

Skilled Iabour has gone up a Iot,

and you want a job well-done, Baron...

How many of you are there?

Few, but good. AII ex-convicts. Hard as nails.

You can't get a word out of them even under torture.

Silence is golden. How much?

Another five hundred?

Pay in haste, repent at Ieisure.

I think this is robbery, but so be it.

What day is it today?

The sixth.

Cheap works out expensive. It'II be easy

Do it exactly after " da molto e che mi amate".

Understood, Sparafucile?

Don't worry, Baron. I know the score by heart.

Verdiamo, verdiamo!

Sparice!

We' re being watched.

Your beauty outshines everything.

It can't outshine your nobility, Baron.

His Excellency can't keep his eyes off us.

Down with the tyranny of freedom!

Death to freedom! Long Iive God!

I bare my bosom to the bullets of the tyrants!

But aren't we in a free country?

No, not until it's free of us.

We' re on the perch.

Together we could conquer the world.

And who would carry it?

He who gives that which he has, is obliged to give no more.

" And you, relentless fuckers

who think you please the beautiful damsels

because you have dicks which, when stretched,

will preach with their face in their shins,

know you here, undeceived,

that it is not such dicks that please them,

As that which is only half-sized,

cannot be pleasing to them."

You were saying...

Nonsense.

Eat!

This is my body.

In the morning, the pussy has melted,

because of the soft and sweet heat of the night

which marinated and ripened it, making it better and tastier.

Like safes. They should be secret.

" Vitam impedere amori". That is the secret.

Ah, hunger, hunger...

Well, Princess, Iet's get down to it.

The curdle is still a Iittle weak...

But there are signs of improvement...

" Anyone can make a mistake",

said the hedgehog,

getting off the shoe-brush.

Do you know where the Princess is?!

She Ieft this morning, taking the car.

Did she say where she was going?

I don't care! She must have gone to pick forget-me-nots.

Oh, my precious money!

A cool head is what is needed.

This isn't the death of anyone.

The worst thing is, she didn't Ieave a pubic hair.

Fuck the Princess!

I have implanted the Republic!

Come here sergeant, there are strange objects here.

Is it the work of monarchists?

And this?

AIpha Omega to Pipi. We've got a Big Catch.

I'm ruined, Leonor.

Don't worry, my Iittle Baron. There are Iots of Princesses.

What will be of our Iife with this Iittle thing in our arms?

- Is it a boy or a girl? - It's a boy.

It's my savings.

Thank you...

My benefactor.

So cute...

So many kisses...

Go to daddy's bosom.

That was a disgrace! Her running around the estate

showing her fanny and the weakling running and drooling after her.

"Give me your cunt, give me your cunt..."

The Baron used to give to the poor.

He who gives to the poor, Iends to God...

He was a saint. You are nowhere near him, you Judas.

You'd sell your mother for thirty pieces.

If the man's still got a Iock on, all the better for him.

I wish I had! Mine won't straighten out anymore.

The sheet was spotless.

Vasconcelos, there's nothing Ieft for you here.

He's taken it all.

The Baron doesn't know the half of it...

Go get a few bottles from the cellar for us to drink. My tongue is dry

and this story deserves a few brews and some wanking.

Go on, you snake. Do you hear?

I'm nobody's slave.

Gertrudes!

Fish cakes and rice with sprouts.

I'II be back at dinner time.

And where am I going to find sprouts at this time of year?

They're roses!

BIack-eyed beans, then...

You don't fish a jellyfish, do you?

Look, Celestina...

... I'm already broke.

Get digging, digging...

Hope is the Iast thing to die.

There!

You declare you know nothing of the existence of the war material,

found after a search by the security forces in the Paradise Estate,

as well as the reasons why they may have been deposited there.

From this fact and the events which took place in Teatro de Sao Carlos

he sees no connection,

given that it is absurd to try to transform the grotesque gesture

of a society bored to death, into an act of armed rebellion.

The bourgeoisie will never dare put the barrels of guns

in their own mouths.

I've prevented a sperm-bath.

AIthough admitting that your behaviour provoked

disturbances beyond your knowledge,

you just wanted some fun, to have a Iaugh,

never having had the intention of using violent means

to overthrow the government.

I have no alternative on the Ieft...

This Iooks bad, Mr. Joao de Deus. Really bad.

Oh, the poor Lusiad...

I'm going to show you some interesting photos.

I'm not really a fan of pornographic photos.

I couldn't give a shit about your tastes, Mr. Joao de Deus.

What I want to know is whether you know this woman.

Her face is covered.

Straight up, I don't know who it is.

AII I can see is her arse....

And this one?

That's Princess Gombrowicz and myself in a box at the Opera.

Princess, my foot, Mr. Joao de Deus!

This is the same person in both photos:

AIbertine Rabelais!

Wanted for murder and armed robbery.

We didn't Iay our hands on her by a whisker.

To be honest, I Iaid my hands on her...

...but nothing else.

The vanished AIbertina... I'II give a reward!

You've given whatever you had to give.

Is that all you have to say about the well-known AIbertine?

I only have good things to state.

Let's go back to the beginning to see if we can unravel this:

for a short while, you worked in an ice-cream parlour in Lisbon,

the owner of which is wanted by the police for alleged involvement

in a drugs and prostitution ring.

- She's can do that and a Iot more. - Did you know her well?

Like my middle finger. Merdelin Cartel.

If you know of her whereabouts, it could work in your favour...

No, thank you. I'm not that kind of person.

A mistake, Mr. Joao de Deus, but we're in no hurry.

You were committed...

... to a psychiatric hospital

for showing, in broad daylight, in a public park

your genitals, to a seven-year-old girl.

A pure Iesson in anatomy.

Her father had taught her that the heart was where the penis is;

in my poor understanding,

it's a shame that this stopped at sentimental education.

You spat in the eye of a police inspector.

That was in the days of Fascism. Nowadays I don't waste saliva.

I am not being thorough, Mr. Joao de Deus.

I was patiently reminding you

of some details of a Iife which, unfortunately,

Ieave no room for doubt,

regarding sick behaviour

which we find in the field of ' psychopatologia criminalis'.

It is enough, indeed, to glance at the configuration of your skull,

its obvious disproportion as to the rest of your body,

for us to realise we are in the presence of a specimen

the features of which correspond to the afore-mentioned typology.

I've been told that my appearance is Iike that of a Roman effigy.

Which Rome, Mr. Joao de Deus? The virtuous and patriarchal Rome,

or the decadent and debauched Rome?

How many Caesars have I been...

You set yourself up in grand style at the Pousada de Santa Isabel

and disappeared without hide nor hair.

Rome doesn't pay the murderers of its generals!

Does this mean that you refuse to pay?

I was drawn into a trap and stabbed in the back.

You can't see a poor man in a clean shirt.

You unduly used a noble title...

Nobility is in the soul; not in birth.

The facts clearly state, Mr. Joao de Deus,

that you used several stratagies to achieve fraudulent aims!

That's not true.

I was a millionaire. It's not my fault I was robbed.

How do you think I bought the Paradise Estate?

We have all the details relative to that deal.

The property was acquired in cash,

for an amount above its real value.

I never had a head for business. Do you think that is a crime?

I don't think anything, Mr. Joao de Deus. I'm only Iistening to you...

I have an instinctive repugnance for banking institutions.

So I decided to buy a safe,

one of those old ones, with a secret system,

and I put most of the dough there.

This morning, when I woke up,

I found it had been broken into and the money had gone.

It seems the secret was useless.

I was never very good at keeping secrets.

But you' II keep this one: do you know that I firmly believe in your story?

Didn't I tell you, Inspector Pantaleao?

Truth is Iike oil: it always rises to the surface.

If you'II excuse me, I'II be off, it's getting Iate.

If it's not asking too much, where do you think you're going?

Home, sweet home.

In a period of austerity, there may be no room for extravagance,

but there's always place for cod and potatoes.

Stay where you are, Mr. Joao de Deus. You've nowhere to go.

Your Paradise has been confiscated.

- On what grounds? - Provisional and cautionary,

but don't worry,

You only have to clear up a small detail.

Which is?

How is it that a modest employee in an ice-cream parlour

is suddenly in the possession of an astronomical fortune?

My God, my God,

why hast Thou forsaken me?

- And what about old Livio? - He died.

With so many bastards knocking around...

The good son always comes home!

I' m not crazy.

I've been manipulated Iike a puppet.

God set me up in this mess,

but does anyone believe my story?

I'm confused myself, in my own mind...

That's precisely why you're here: to dissipate such confusion.

I am here as a prisioner.

Your freedom depends on you.

It depends on the whims on God, and the bastard couldn't care Iess.

Shut up, Joao...

The more I protest the worse I make things.

It is said that much talk brings much woe,

but it seems to me that in your situation

you have Iittle to Iose,

especially as you' re chatting to an old friend.

Or don't you believe me either?

Explaining the divine origin of the vile metal is even more complicated,

than the origin of the Universe. - You believe that?

I may well be the Iast of the believers.

If an Envoy of God appeared to you with a bag full of greenbacks,

wouldn't you believe it, too?

You believe what you want to believe.

Of course!

There is an in-patient here who is an Envoy of God.

Wearing a Navy officer's uniform?

Only hospital uniforms are allowed,

but I know he doesn't have nautical inclinations.

With my Iuck it won't be the same one.

This one thinks he is Jesus Christ after the Ascension.

You'II meet him tomorrow. He has mystical delirium

I don't reckon so.

It's Iike Iooking for a needle in a haystack.

Have you seen the Envoy of God?

Which one? We're all Envoys of God here.

That's what I thought...

Who'd have imagined! Don't you recognise me?

I don't know you from Adam,

and I don't give out cigarettes.

Stick your cigarettes up your arse.

We met in Parque da Pena, you gave me a bag full of cash,

and you told me you were an Envoy of God, remember?

Me? Who'd believe such a thing?

Why on earth would I give you a bag full of dollars?

I'm crazy, but I'm not stupid.

You won't get away with this, you bastard!

Let go of me, or I'II scream for help.

I can't stand raving Iunatics.

You have to get me out of this mess!

I don't know what you're talking about.

I have, indeed, been the Envoy of God,

but now I am seated on the celestial throne,

on the right hand of the Father.

And fuck me, right?

When I rose to the heavens, I told every mortal...

Fuck each other now, because you won't be fucking me anymore.

Will the defendant please rise.

You stand up, you bastard.

I am innocent, no matter what I've done!

Silence!

Silence, or I'II have the court room cleared.

You've got a visitor.

You're Iiving a good Iife!

I am scrupulously Iiving out my sentence as best as I can.

When winter comes and the cold starts to bite,

maybe prison will give you Iess of a desire to Iisten to singing.

We' re not here to bother anyone.

My dear sir:

from the dead body of a free man, a stench may rise,

but never a slave.

I came as soon as I heard of your misfortune.

My greatest misfortune was having been born in Portugal.

- And how's your Iife. - Not a bed of roses, either.

But one has to hang on and keep smiling.

There will always be a bed and board waiting for you.

I wouldn't hold my breath.

They say it takes a second, but the journey seems endless.

The heart beats strongly.

But it doesn't matter, I' m ready for whatever happens.

I' m more grown up.

Is it my eyes or have your tits grown as well?

They' re the same. It must because because of the blouse.

Could you just show me one?

I've been on bread and oranges...

In front of the guard?

Pretend you've got an itch, undo three buttons

and he won't notice a thing.

They're small...

They're the only ones.

There is so much beauty in them

that if you don't put them away quickly I'II have a fit.

I've prayed and prayed for the day...

So have I, Joana.

You think a Iot when whichever way you turn,

you always find four endless boring walls.

'Hold on, don't fall' I say to myself.

And if you do fall, well... falling can be Iearnt as well.

The flesh is weak, but the wind hovers freely over the sea.

It won't be Iong before you have your freedom.

And what will I do with it? I' m old and tired.

If you want me, I will always be at your side.

Of course I want you. And will you wait for the poor prisoner?

I have been waiting for you.

It's finally time to rest... Life imprisionment?

The mills of God grind slowly.

Visiting time is over.

Joana,

Ieave me a pubic hair,

a Iittle thread of Ariane...

And how do I do that?

It's easy. You slip your hand inside

and you'II find cultivated ground.

Sow to reap.

It's a souvenir.

Wanking in a cell isn't wanking: it's Iack of companionship.

Joana,

what a strange path I've followed in order to reach you.

And here this comedy ends.

Adaptation and Subtitling CRISTBET Lda.