Original subtitles

♪ Hey, good morning, baby ♪

♪ You need some java, baby? ♪

♪ We got to wake up, baby ♪

♪ Last night was really crazy ♪

♪ I think I liked it, baby ♪

♪ Damn, you smooth, baby ♪

♪ Looking like you moisturize, baby ♪

♪ Tell me where to buy it, baby ♪

♪ I'm dry, I need the product, baby ♪

♪ Got my hand on navel ♪

♪ Then she slid her panties to the ankle ♪

♪ Made me back up and look at the bussy ♪

♪ Bussy glistening like a heavyweight ♪

♪ You want to fuck me, baby? ♪

♪ Haven't showered in a minute, girl ♪

♪ But if you with it, then I'm with it, baby ♪

♪ I will shower you with every curl ♪

♪ Are you freaky, baby? ♪

♪ Spooning me like I was soup ♪

♪ Want me to be dirty like a goose? ♪

♪ Ooh, but what do you like, baby? ♪

♪ Do you want me to choke you, baby? ♪

♪ She said, "That's okay, baby" ♪

♪ "That's okay" as in you want that? ♪

♪ Or "That's okay" as in "No, thanks, baby"? ♪

♪ She look at me crazy ♪

♪ I said, I don't mean to complicate it, no, no ♪

♪ Let me grab a condom, baby ♪

♪ I put it on, then she, then she ♪

♪ Throws it back, give me the ass, pop it ♪

♪ Tickle the breast, nibble the crack, stop it ♪

♪ General Custer, with the tactics, I'm a demon ♪

♪ I could feel the semen creeping 'round the penis ♪

♪ Being a man in there ♪

♪ We need a ambulance, pussy getting killed ♪

♪ She orgasming, body spasming ♪

♪ Then I finally finish, can you feel it, baby? ♪

♪ Sliding off, where's the condom? ♪

♪ Whoa! Well, it's not on my penis, baby ♪

♪ It's so confusing, baby ♪

♪ Uh, did I-did I just fuck you raw, baby? ♪

♪ Uh, I'm looking round and I don't see it, baby ♪

♪ I move the blanket, move the covers ♪

♪ Where's the rubber, baby? ♪

♪ Now she's digging like a caveman in her bussy for it ♪

♪ Even if you find it in there, what's the difference, baby? ♪

♪ Semen probably already leaking in there, swimming in you ♪

♪ She says she still don't want no condoms ♪

♪ Sitting in her insides ♪

♪ I said I understand ♪

♪ But there are bigger fish to fry ♪

♪ She said, "You blaming me" ♪

♪ "But you're the one who put it on" ♪

♪ I am not blaming you, and I don't think I put it on wrong ♪

♪ I put it on my pinky first to see which way it go ♪

♪ Because I'm well aware that condoms aren't reversible ♪

♪ She screamed, "I found it, baby!" ♪

♪ She pulled it out her bussy ♪

♪ But I can't celebrate it ♪

♪ 'Cause we got bigger fishy ♪

♪ Girl, I ejaculated ♪

♪ And I don't see it in there ♪

♪ She said it's fine ♪

♪ She'll just take the morning-after pill ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Thank God for the tech now ♪

♪ We should probably go and get it now ♪

♪ This is life when you're young and wild. ♪

Don't worry, it'll be fine.

- Okay. Let's lie down after all that. - (sighs)

- Ah. Take the load off. - (chuckles)

Get in here.

- (shutter clicks) - Oh.

- Wow. (chuckles) - Okay.

I fucked Lil Dicky.

(sighs)

♪ ♪

GATA: I promise you, bro. You cannot get a STD

going in the pussy raw for only ten seconds.

Who says it was ten seconds?

It could've been ten, it could've been 48.

I have no idea. I fucked the condom off my dick

trying to give her this, like, rock star style sex

that I assume she wants out of me.

You are a rock star. This your first tour.

You're supposed to go hard.

That's the whole issue, in my opinion.

I feel like all of these girls just want to fuck Lil Dicky.

Is it really a crime to want someone who wants

to fall in love with...

- the real Dave? - Bro, you got to think about her needs.

She got her nails done, she got her outfit.

She told all her friends.

It's gonna be the highlight of her year.

You got to beat the pussy up, bro.

But I don't even... I don't fuck like this.

That's not how I fuck, Gata, okay?

I-I do this. It's more... It's rhythmic.

Man, that shit look complicated, man.

Complicated? It's so simple. It's missionary.

- (scoffs) - (country music plays quietly)

(door closes)

DAVE: Hi.

You're just gonna bust those open, bruh?

- You ain't gonna pay for them first? - I'm gonna pay for 'em.

- Just chill out. - (scoffs)

(man clears throat)

Y'all find everything okay?

Yeah. (coughs) Oh.

I'm sorry.

You guys have condoms here?

It's the same condoms everywhere.

Why don't they make, like,

smaller condoms for the smaller dicks?

Like, they make Magnums for, like, big-dicked men.

I feel like the condom would stay on the dick easier

if it was smaller sometimes.

GATA: If you're that concerned about STDs,

why don't you just use the Scroguard, bro,

that Mike got you-- that plastic diaper shit?

Uh, that's private business. Don't talk about it.

I don't know what he's talking about, but he's not dangerous.

- You crazy, man. - They know I'm joking.

GATA: Man, they got the Confederate flag in there, bro.

- It's the Texas flag. - (scoffs)

Looked pretty Confederate to me, man. Hey, Cliff.

I got the goods.

- Ooh. - Pistachios, but I can't...

- For you. - Merci.

- They break my teeth, man. - For you. - Thank you.

- You want to smoke this? - All right, man. It's hot.

- Uh, I'll take a hit, I guess. - (Gata scoffs)

You just wet m y fucking blunt. You're fucking nasty.

I'm gonna get some color.

ELZ: Racist.

No disrespect.

(sighs)

(footsteps approaching)

Trying to burn off the bacteria?

I'm just not built for this.

I can't be, like, the rapper who goes around

and fucks every night. That's not my thing.

But I'm trying to rewire my brain

so I can actually have fun for once.

You've been stressed. You've been working so hard.

I know. And tour is just the one time in life

- where there's no album to hand in. - Yup.

There's no songs to make. I can just be free

- and live life to the F. - Yup.

It's exactly like the time I was up in the air. It was one

- of those moments... - This has nothing to do with skydiving.

This has everything to do with skydiving, David.

- Nothing to do... - No, when you're

hurtling toward the earth

at 120 miles an hour,

you're reaching max veloce, it's incredible.

And the chute doesn't open, you start to freak out,

but that's when you learn. You learn, David.

- When the instructor kisses you - Mm.

on the small of your neck, and he says, "I'm sorry!,"

that's when you learn to let go.

I desperately crave a genuine romantic connection.

Like, I need to fall in love. That's just who I am.

- Well, maybe you shouldn't hook up with your fans anymore. - Okay.

Maybe you shouldn't... We don't need this

- for the documentary, okay? - Yeah, we do.

Don't tell me what to do with my documentary.

Uh, I don't want this footage, Emma.

MIKE: You don't know what you're gonna use.

DAVE: Get different stuff.

♪ ♪

- EMMA: I can't listen to this another time. - MIKE: It's exhilarating.

But what I'm saying is when you're plummeting towards

- the earth at terminal velocity, - EMMA: God, I get it.

the earth feels like it's gonna swallow you whole.

It's so scary, dude, but you live.

I love this story. He's still telling the story, huh?

- MIKE: Yeah. - Hey, LD, what's them islands

we going to on this tour?

Uh, I don't know the specifics, but...

(whoops) We going to the Specifics, y'all.

- Specifics. - Huh. Um...

- Are you performing tonight? - Oh, no.

Tonight's all about my sweet baby G right here.

- MIKE: Gata's night, baby. - Big dog's night. - Hey, Lubbock, Texas

- ain't ready for a nigga like me. - DAVE: They're not.

They never were. They never were a day. They never will be.

- That's what I do. - Uh, that's what you've been doing.

- Big G! - Gata. - (whooping)

Aw, LD, do one song with me, bro.

No, thank you.

It's my one night off. Come on. I-I'm trying

- to blend into the background, be a normal guy. - Yeah.

It's hard to meet your wife when you're onstage

- being the star. - Well, some people say

- that's the easiest way to meet your wife. - Aw.

You're with him every day? How do you resist him?

- Are you serious? - DAVE: Look,

I just want to know if everyone's all in

to have the best night they can possibly have.

'Cause I need that type of comradery...

(overlapping shouting, cheering)

♪ Too many women, I got too many women ♪

♪ Man, my biggest problem, I got too many women ♪

♪ Damn, my head's spinning, I got too many women ♪

♪ Am I living in sin and I see too many women ♪

♪ I'm married to the money, but I'm in love with my women ♪

♪ Dark-skinned, light-skinned, Puerto Rican, Asian ♪

♪ Sorry, Mama, but your son is crazy ♪

♪ I'm-a get it together if they pay me. ♪

- Yeah. - (cheering, whooping)

Yeah!

- (indistinct shout) - CROWD (chanting): Dicky! Dicky!

- Dicky! Dicky! Dicky! Dicky! - Oh, no, no, no. Gata.

- Dicky! Dicky! Dicky! Dicky! - Gata. Gata.

- Dicky. Dicky. - Thanks.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

I appreciate the love y'all got for my boy Dicky, man.

I've been trying to get him out here on this stage tonight,

but he on some Carmen Sandiego type shit.

Let's see if we can get him on stage right now!

(cheering, whooping)

GATA: (chanting): LD! LD! LD!

ALL: LD! LD!

- LD! LD! LD! LD! - (DJ airhorn blares)

(cheering, whooping)

♪ I'm drunk, I'm drunk ♪

♪ I'm really, really drunk ♪

♪ I'm drunk ♪

♪ I'm really, really wasted ♪

♪ Man, I'm so fucked-up ♪

♪ I might suck a man's dick, no, I'm playing, ha-ha. ♪

What's your deal right now? Why are you so lethargic?

(exhales)

You just got sucked.

Sloppy toppy, bro.

Who sucked you?

- I had to, man. You... - Where?

(scoffs)

What does this... Whatever, I don't care.

Let's have fun tonight. Do you want a drink?

Honestly, bro, I'm exhausted as fuck, bro.

- I'm about to go lay down, dawg. - You're leaving?

- Yeah, man. Yeah. - What about my night off?

What about the plan that-that you committed to?

- Man, I'm going, gone. - Gata.

- You never honor the plan, man. - Hey, text me

when you get to the hotel.

♪ ♪

- Hi. - Hi.

- Is this a good time? - Yeah.

Great, 'cause I made something for you.

- Oh, okay. - Um...

Oh, my God.

It's you.

- Oh, that's me? - Yeah.

- (laughs) - Oh, wow. It's so heavy.

It's concrete, that's why.

It's, like, sharp, too.

- I'm kind of nervous. - Don't be nervous.

This is great. You're doing great.

- Hey. Oh. (laughs) - Oh.

(laughs) I appreciate this so much, okay?

I'm such a big fan of yours.

- Thank you. - Um, I love Penith so much,

and I'm really trying to break into the industry, so...

- Yeah. - Ah, here I am. (laughs)

Well, let me tell you firsthand,

things are surprisingly possible in life, okay? Go for it.

Wow. (laughs)

- Yeah. - Thank you.

- Sure. - Lil Dicky, I love you.

I love you, too, okay? Be safe.

(weak chuckle)

(indistinct conversation)

- I never knew that. - Yeah. All right.

Fuck. Oh, shit.

WOMAN: You doing all right?

What?

Are you doing all right?

Oh. Yeah.

Just a little statutory, uh, issue I'm taking care of.

Yeah, I'm just cleaning up somebody else's mess.

- Hi. - Hi. (chuckles)

- How you doing? - I'm good. I'm sor...

I don't-I don't know you.

Well, how could you? We're just now meeting.

No, I know, but I know you're, like, a singer or something,

- just here with my friends, but I just... - Oh.

I've never heard of you.

Honestly, I prefer that.

Like, great. It's good

that you have a clean slate on my personality.

- Oh. - Yeah, I'm a-I'm a rapper, actually, not a singer.

I do sing, song-write, all that.

Oh, you did that song about being drunk.

What was... what was it called?

- It was... - "I'm Drunk."

Oh, yeah, well, I'm on my way.

You... pig.

(laughs)

I don't know. So, what's your deal--

you just go to live music venues

without even knowing who the person is and you have fun?

Wednesdays are like my Fridays. I'm a nurse, so...

- Ah. A nurse? - Yeah. Had to

come blow off some steam, you know?

I appreciate everything you do, uh,

behind the scenes for all the sick.

- Thank-thank you. - Yeah. But okay,

I can't go any further without knowing your name,

- so... - Oh, it's Campbell.

Campbell?

Yeah, like the soup.

That's a perfect name.

- Thanks? - Campbell,

can I ask you a relatively hard-hitting question?

Yeah.

What's your availability

as far as being hit on right now?

(chuckles) Uh...

Like, would you say you're open-minded, or not at all?

Uh...

Yeah, I think I, uh... I'm...

I'm definitely open to it.

This is fun.

ELZ: People are actually crazy.

They were literally pouring tequila in their eyes.

Like, why? I wish I had, like, 40 cameras. I keep missing shit.

Just ask them to redo it.

I can't do that for my doc. It's not real.

Real? None of this is real, Emma. Are you crazy?

- What... - We're on tour right now. Tour's not real.

When we come to town, it's like their version of the Super Bowl.

Okay, Mr. Big Shot Who's Been On Tour.

Do you not understand that white people act out

when they see a camera?

- What? - Trust me. Come on.

- EMMA: Wait...

- White boy summer! - White boy summer!

(overlapping shouting)

Then I'm gonna continue to smoke this joint, then.

- All right. - Oh, hi, man.

MAN: LD!

Thank you.

Does that get annoying?

It's just praise. It's... All it is is praise.

- Okay. - But it's the life I chose.

- Yeah. - I always wanted to be ubiquitous.

Well, uh... good luck, and you have a new fan,

and I really hope that you make it.

- Get this out of here. - (laughs)

You're saying goodbye?

- Well... - You're not about to leave.

- Uh... - You can't be. You're not gonna

let something like this totally evaporate.

No. No, no, no. I'm engaged.

- Oh, of course you are. - No, no, no.

No, no, no! No, no, like... (laughs)

Like, I'm engaged in the conversation.

- Oh. - Yeah.

So, a bunch of us are gonna go to my friend Connor's.

He's having a little get-together.

- Oh. - You want to come?

'Cause I like hanging out with you.

I like hanging out with you so much.

- All right. - I do have a tour bus

- parked half a block away. It's so charming. - Oh, no.

I'm-I'm not, like, a groupie. I'm just a regular girl.

Of course you are. I respect that.

- We'll go to... Connor's? - Yeah, Connor.

Okay. I have to grab something off that bus.

- Will you stay here? - Yeah.

Okay, because, in my opinion, I feel as though

this is what life is all about-- moments like this.

- (laughs) - We'll figure something out later, but yeah.

- We'll figure it out. We'll work on it. - Okay. All right.

SCRO-GUY: You're getting ready to have a blast,

but you're not sure about someone's sexual past.

Part of the skin of your genital area has a cover,

but most is still exposed to your lover.

Not anymore.

Now there's Scroguard.

The powerful new product that you can wear with any condom.

The secret is the high-quality premium latex

that is thick enough to cover your genital area

- but thin enough to feel like a second skin. - (mutters)

Just fasten any two buttons

securely into place, and when you're ready...

Hey, Dave... Oh, shit!

- Oh! - Geez. (stammers) Uh... No shitting on the bus!

No, I'm not-I'm not shitting!

I'm just fixing my pants.

I changed my underwear 'cause I met a girl

and I was talking to her, and I-I, like,

soaked my first underwear with pre-cum.

- Okay. - I-I met a girl.

Uh, congratulations, man. I'm happy for you.

- Wish me luck. - You deserve love, Dave.

- ♪ Worry about tomorrow... ♪ - ♪ Don't drink and drive ♪

♪ Give me that pizza, dawg, give me that pizza ♪

♪ You know, I gotta eat ya ♪

♪ Uber says my driver's name is Gangi ♪

♪ And he said he's hard of hearing ♪

- ♪ Cool, I don't care... ♪ - CAMPBELL: Sorry.

- No, this is honestly my fault, uh... - Anyway, anyway, okay.

- It was like 3:00 a. m., and we're all, like - Yeah.

- Sure. - drunk as piss, and all of a sudden, we hear,

like a "bang, bang, bang." Like, Jurassic Park or something.

- It was like... - Oh, my God. What was it-- like, a rapist?

No, no. It was actually my goat.

My goat got out of its pen. It was, like, ramming its horns

- against the glass. Ramming... - Wait, hold it. You have a goat?

- Like, you're a goat owner? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I got a bunch of goats.

You're, like, out of a fable.

Hey, you're the fucking GOAT, LD. Come on.

- Hey, y'all, shut the fuck up! - Thank you, bro.

Sorry. Don't even look at that.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - He's fine. Oh.

- Get in here. - (laughs)

Wow, you just broke the touch barrier.

- (laughing) - So nonchalantly,

you're just gonna break it like that, and not even... Wow.

- I mean, someone had to. - I'm totally on board with it, FYI.

- Um... - Oh, my God.

I have to pee.

Yeah. I understand that.

I've had to pee in the past, and you never know when it's coming.

- Thank you. All right. - Yeah. I'm right there with you.

- Get all the piss out. - All right.

- I'll be right here. I'm great. - Okay.

I'm in heaven.

(sighs)

(indistinct chatter)

(passes gas)

(sighs)

What's up, man?

Hey. You guys hanging?

- CONNOR: How you doing? - Good.

- (sighs) - MATTY: Hey, man, so...

(muttering)

What?

You like Ram?

R-Ram? Uh, do I like what?

- Uh... - What do you mean? Like the...

- Like the processing power? - CONNOR: It's...

the L. A. Rams. Like, Los Angeles Rams.

- Like, uh, football team. - Oh, shit.

Is he okay, or is he on, like, Oxys or something?

- CONNOR: No, no. I mean... - Is this Appalachia that we're in?

'Cause I know all about the opioid crisis that you probably

have to deal with at every moment.

I've got molly, if you want some.

Oh. No, thanks.

It's, like, dark purple.

I'm okay.

I don't even understand the color spectrum of molly, but...

- What's your name? We haven't met. - Grace.

- You... Race? - Hey, are you hiring, by the way, LD?

- No. - Um, I majored in-in golf course management.

- Uh-huh. - Um, but there's a lot

- of crossover between the two. - Yeah, I think

you're better off on the greens there, 'cause, like,

- we're just so fully staffed. - No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Um, normally,

like, shit's like way more popping, you know? Like...

- No. - It's pretty low-key, 'cause it's Wednesday night

- and shit, and, like... - All good. All G.

But, yo, like, normally, we're playing, like,

Mancala or, like, Cards Against Humanity,

- or, like, fucking... - Sure.

- If you came back, like, on a... - Yeah.

No, don't... No presh, man. I'm, like, just happy to be...

I'm honestly here 'cause of Campbell.

- Bro. - Yeah.

I heard her pussy's a straight-up V.

I... Yeah, I believe you. Um...

Hey, you know what? Fuck it. Hey, Hey, Travis!

Hey, fire that shit up! We're playing Hot Seat, bitch.

- (people whooping) - What are we doing?

(laughs)

DAVE: It's a prank phone call- based game?

- Mm-hmm. Shh. - How often do you play it?

All right. All right.

(line ringing)

♪ ♪

- MAN: Hello? - Hey.

I'm... I'm with your brother.

Wait, Tim's with you? He okay?

- He's OD'ing. - Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Did you call 911?

Yeah, but they can't...

- CAMPBELL: Come on. - revive... Aah!

- (laughing cheering) - It's the hot seat! Fuck!

Okay, I'm gonna get another drink.

- Where you going? - (indistinct chatter)

- I'm getting another drink. - DAVE: Hurry back. - Hey, LD.

Wait. You probably got all sorts

of celebs and shit in your phone.

- (laughs) - Wait. I...

Come on.

Alfonso Ribeiro?

That a pasta?

Carlton? That doesn't mean anything when I say it? Carlton?

All right, all right, all right. LD, come on. It's your turn.

- Oh, no. I'm... - Come on. Get on that hot seat,

- for old times' sake. - You...

Let me watch how you...

- CONNOR: Fuck you. - What are you doing?

- Wow. What? - (laughs) Okay.

So you're really not gonna kiss me right now?

Why-why would you think that? It's crazy of you.

- (Grace mutters) - Campbell, would you come out here?

Your friends are getting a little dicey.

- Oh. - Need you back here.

Fuck. She blew it.

- What do you mean? - I mean, fucking passed out.

- No, she's not. - CONNOR: Yeah.

GRACE: (laughs) I'm drunk.

- She's drunk. - MATTY: Guns up!

- GRACE: Guns up! - MATTY: Guns up, motherfuckers!

Aw, that sucks. Her mission was to fuck you tonight.

Wait, what do you mean, you said it was her mission?

- Like, going into the night? - Yeah.

Then why did she tell me when I met her

that she had never heard of Lil Dicky?

- (laughing) - Oh, is that what she told you?

She probably just said that

'cause she's watched all your interviews.

She knows that's what you want to hear.

She's a die-hard. I mean, she knew what to tell you.

Okay. I'm-I'm gonna leave.

No, no, no, no, no. No, come on, man. No, no, no.

- Yeah. - LD, no. There's a bunch of people still coming.

This shit's just getting started.

- Come on. - It's so late. We leave tomorrow.

This is literally the best night of my entire life, man.

That's... Really?

Yes.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Or congrat...

I don't know what to say to that.

Tell us what it's like.

Just tell us what it's really, really like.

- It's not like anything, man. - MATTY: Yeah, man,

do the girls just fap for you, nonstop?

Fap?

- All right, sit down. - (laughs) Okay. All right.

- You guys want to know what it's like. - Oh, fuck, yeah.

I'll tell you what it's really like. Yeah.

Here's what it's like. I go around America

and I meet people like you, and every single time,

they look at me exactly the way

you guys are staring at me right now.

It's weird. And people have preconceived notions

about the way that I behave, about the way that I fuck.

(sputters) I feel that.

Fucking ain't easy, broham.

Not easy at all. I've had so many insane sexual encounters.

And truthfully, the thing that I want the most

is incredibly simple, but I could never really ask for it.

What?

So, my dick is shaped like a manatee.

In the sense that, like, you know how, like,

the manatee is... have, like, a bend

and, like, a... So my dick is bent.

The thing that satisfies me most in life

is when that bend simply gets straightened.

There's no STD threat whatsoever.

It's truly my heaven on Earth, but I could never ask for that

because it's so weird,

and the women would tell all their friends.

But that wouldn't happen with my soulmate.

I'm looking for love.

I'm looking for my wife, okay?

- Hey, let us see your dick. - (laughs)

(scattered laughter)

(chuckles) No. But you asked me what it's like.

It's not even that interesting.

- It's actually... - Come on, Dicky.

(overlapping chatter)

- Come on. - Uh... I love it.

CONNOR: Hey, come on, Lil Dicky.

MATTY: Come on, Lil Dicky, come on.

CONNOR: Let me see it.

You always talk all this shit

about your dick,

but you never show it to anybody.

- Come on, Lil Dicky. - Come on! - (overlapping chatter)

- Show us your fucking dick! - Come on! - Come on!

- (Dave groans) - Show us your fucking dick!

(grunts)

What the fuck is that?

(laughs) A diaper?

No, uh... It's, uh,

it's called the Scroguard. It's, uh...

Look it up on YouTube. It's the funniest thing you'll ever see.

It's, like, STD prevention,

but, like, the comedy version.

Show us your dick, Lil Dicky! (Dave whimpers)

(laughing)

("So Damn Lucky" by Taylor McCall playing)

(sighs)

(truck doors close)

(indistinct chatter)

- (bottles rattle) - Oh...

MAN: Connor?

Who's that?

Yo, they're all in there. They're still chillin'.

- ♪ Sober up ♪ - Was that Lil Dicky?

- Come back, Dicky! - ♪ Settle down ♪

♪ You should be... ♪

MAN: Lil Dicky!

♪ Gone by now ♪

♪ But you're not ♪

♪ Don't know how I got ♪

♪ So damn lucky. ♪

♪ I'm drunk ♪

♪ I'm really, really drunk... ♪

(man cackling)

- ♪ I'm drunk ♪ - MAN: Hey, it's him!

Turn around!

- It's him, it's him! - MAN 2: It's him, it's him!

(tires screech)

(man cackling)

Hey, motherfucker. What the fuck are you thinking, boy?

Whoa! Hey! Stand your ground! Stand your ground!

- What? - I'm standing my ground!

You stand your ground, I'm standing mine, so no reason!

- That ain't how it works. - Uh...

Lil Dicky! I'm Lil Dicky!

Please don't, please just...

- Lil Dicky? - Yeah.

- The rapper? - Yeah! Yes!

The rapper. That's me. I'm, uh, I'm here.

- So, I got to use your phone, it's... - No, you ain't.

Yes, I am. What do you mean I'm not? Of co... Uh, uh...

Obviously this is... Look at the situation, man.

Can't you tell by my posture?

Prove it.

(exhales sharply) Prove it. Uh...

What's that?

Like... Or...

It's... You-you know it's me.

Please, I got to use your phone, man.

Aren't you a "gayman?"

You...

I couldn't hear what you said.

Aren't you a "gayman?"

Like the dinosaur lizard?

Nah, like aren't you a faggot?

Oh. I don't know exactly how you're using that word,

but I suspect that depending on how you define it,

that, like...

like, to an extent, yeah, yes.

WOMAN: Tom, what's going on out there?

I'll be there in a minute, Pat.

(footsteps departing)

Hey!

♪ ♪

(line ringing)

MIKE: (clears throat) Hello?

Mike. Oh, thank God you picked up.

I need you to come grab me right now.

- You're in room 207. - No, no.

- I'm not at the hotel. Uh... - Where are you?

(whispers): Thank you so much for everything. I appreciate it.

Hello? (normal volume): I don't know

how to explain it to you, but you just

got to come get me right now, okay?

Are you all right? Where are you, man?

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm at, uh,

4218 Fannin Boulevard. Okay?

- Yeah, no problem, man. I'll be there soon. - (scribbling)

- Thank you, Mike. Thank you. - Just got to get up

and get dressed.

You know, I'm always losing one sock.

- Wha... Mike? - Yeah?

Uh, bring a couple hundred bucks.

You'll see, like, when the dick's fully blooded,

there's, like, a little bit of a bend.

My ideal way for this to happen is if you take that bend

and you just simply straighten it.

(speaks Spanish)

Uh, the bend, and if you just take the bend

and you straighten and then just wait.

(continues speaking Spanish)

No, no, no, no mueva.

Yeah, uh, do you know what a manatee is? Manatee.

Manatee, the sea. Sea.

(imitates manatee's bellow)

Manatee? (speaks Spanish)

I am an animal. I am. We're all a...

I am an animal. You know what?

- No... - We-we don't-we don't even have to...

- We don't have to do it. - No. No, no, no, no, no.

- (speaking Spanish) - I'm okay. Okay.

It's totally cool.

Oh, so... Oh.

Yeah. Just s-still.

Uh-huh.

♪ ♪

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org