Original subtitles

Welcome, my fellows.

Bear with me.

After being overthrown by the National Protection Army,

Yuan Shih-kai, the 100-day emperor, was disheartened and died shortly after.

His former minions continue to ravage the country.

But our hard days will soon be over.

General Lei Bully loves his soldiers.

If you're willing to join General Lei's Army,

I, Liu Kun-shan, the Chief of Staff,

promise you

food, money, and fortune moving forward.

-What is that? -What is that?

-It's a bun. -It's a bun.

-It's a bun. -It's a bun.

It's silver.

They've gone crazy.

Liu Kun-shan.

You trick these farmers with magic.

Captain Coi, how dare you slander your superior?

I'm just speaking the truth.

Covert military recruitment is illegal.

Put a curse on me if you dare.

Execution.

Do you know what this is?

This is the world's most notorious weapon

invented during the Qing dynasty.

It can behead enemies from miles away.

It's known as the flying guillotine.

It's the flying guillotine.

Captain Coi.

I'll kill you with this legendary device.

General Lei's army values discipline, but it has rewards and punishments.

Will you join us?

I will!

Me too!

Well done, Butler Liu.

You've recruited 5,000 soldiers in less than 3 months.

You're a genius.

General.

I just used a few tricks.

It's your great name that convinced the farmers.

Pulling tricks is inevitable

when it comes to recruiting.

However, don't taint my reputation by portraying me as a superstition monger.

Yes, sir.

We have 5,000 more soldiers to feed now.

Just food alone will cost a lot.

Where do I find money to buy guns for the new soldiers?

General, please make up your mind now.

All the warlords are fighting.

If we don't gather enough forces,

we'll be overrun soon.

I never cared about money.

But now, I can't do anything without it.

Let's find a way

to ask those merchants for more.

I've celebrated my lunar and solar birthdays

and my wedding anniversaries with my wives.

What excuse can I use this time?

General.

There's a general in a district

who taxes the farmers on their livestock.

Should we try it?

Should I pay tax for keeping you in the name of dogs?

Kun-shan, I'm just teasing you.

If we tax the poor,

then we're worse than animals.

You're right, General Lei.

General, the ceremony is about to begin.

-Master. -Master.

I've missed you.

Today's banquet is a grand, solemn event.

Behave yourself while you're out there.

-All right. -What are you doing?

Mind your manners.

Stand back, all of you.

-Move aside. -Master.

Honey.

You look really dashing and heroic

in this uniform.

It's very impressive.

Very well. You'll stand behind me too.

I refuse.

As your third wife, I want to show off to the world

that I'm your favorite.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Seventh Madame is absent again?

Forget about her. She's being rude as usual.

Announcing the arrival of General Lei.

Kanwa Films Grand Opening Ceremony

General Lei.

Orange and Peach, how are you?

Where are Apricot and Melon Seed?

Ladies and gentlemen.

I'm pleased to announce

Kanwa Films cofounded by General Lei and Taga Culture Group

has officially been established today.

We value the collaboration very much.

We'll send a team of advisors

to help General Lei with his venture.

Kun-shan.

Why did he wink at me?

He wants you to read between the lines.

He's not talking about films,

but the military support instead.

He should be straightforward. Why play on words?

It's called diplomacy.

What is this thing?

It's a projector.

I prepared a short film today

so everyone can experience

the magic of film.

Double Agent

Starring: Liu Kun-shan

You're the lead role?

Director: Tarou Mitearai

Urgent, Lei's army is expanding

He used to be my assistant.

But I discovered that he actually is a spy sent by the South

trying to expose our secret recruitment.

What does that mean?

I used Western hypnotism to control him.

Nonsense.

-Is that real? -If you believe it, then it's real.

Isn't that Orange and Peach?

They're Taga Group's new action stars.

Wonderful.

The film is an illusion.

Don't be fooled.

Don't take it too seriously.

I know. That money is fake too.

No. Only real money can bring out the effect.

I increased the budget for better effects.

Filmmaking is expensive.

To be continued

Bravo.

Films reflect lives and vice versa.

It's fascinating.

-Bravo! -Bravo!

I have one more announcement.

Our company will produce a romance film.

Please recommend a female lead to us.

-Me! -Let me do it.

-Pick me. -What?

I want the leading role.

Why you?

Because I'm your woman.

Good answer. It's now yours.

General, you haven't recovered yet.

If you're crippled,

you may never lead troops again.

-Are you cursing me? -I dare not.

General, please take it with you.

That's enough. You talk too much.

Seventh Madame, it's me, your baby.

I haven't seen you in weeks.

I've missed you.

Not only did the Phoenix's Fly I used last time not work,

but I even sprained my back.

I'll attack with Crossed Fist this time.

It's flawless.

Prepare for your doomsday tonight.

Here I come.

You're merciless.

Do you want to kill your husband?

We're not married.

The ceremony is not important.

My love for you is what counts, Seventh Madame.

You're disgusting.

Are you upset about being the last one?

I'll get rid of the rest

and make you number one.

Don't try to flatter me.

Then I'll just call you by your name.

Liu Yin.

I'm feeling horny.

My body is telling me

it's time to have a baby.

Would you do me a favor?

It hurts.

Take this.

It smells good.

Yin, I've come to ask you something.

What is this thing known as free love?

You took all your women by force. So forget it.

Don't believe the rumors.

My first wife was an arranged marriage.

My second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth wives offered themselves to me.

So what if they offered themselves to you?

It would have been rude to say no.

When will you let me go?

I must find my father.

Forget him.

Once you find him, you'll never come back.

How will I ever find you again?

You rotten warlord.

Yin, just stay here.

If you're bored,

I can take you to magic shows.

Or you can try to fall in love with me.

Don't come to me

until you find my father.

Future father-in-law,

once we find you, I can marry her.

Where on earth are you?

Liu Wan-yao.

In the year of Gengzi, you made your name

by performing the Seven Wonders for the Empress Dowager on her birthday.

But you defied an edict

to stop the riots with your magic.

Did you think you could escape by changing your name?

Stop wasting my time.

Where's the secret scroll?

-It's gone. -You just used it for the last trick.

I won't tell you where it is.

Do you know what tortures await you?

Severed tendons, broken kneecaps,

amputated fingers, tongue cutting,

and castration.

Devil, your parlor tricks won't work on me.

Let's see.

I'll drill your teeth.

Everything is an illusion and a dream.

When I wake up,

everything will be fine.

Self-hypnosis?

I'll play along.

Father.

I'm your daughter, Liu Yin.

They're hurting me,

burning me, and cutting me.

It hurts.

Save me.

I'm sorry, my dear.

I can't help you.

Where's the secret scroll?

Don't force me.

I'll kill you!

You won't until you get the Seven Wonders.

The rhythm of my clappers is slow

as people rush to and fro.

Warlords fight in endless wars.

Coins don't have value anymore.

It costs me eight catties

to buy two noodle patties.

Grandfather.

Don't bother with these affairs.

We'll just continue singing.

We use our arts to make a living.

This place has so much to give.

Come and see.

Storytelling, singing, and kung fu fighting.

Donkey race and picture show.

We offer all kinds of entertainment.

Illusions are sights to behold,

enchanting both young and old.

Behind each magic performed

hides a godlike magician.

Fishbowls, braziers appear out of thin air.

Each performer has their unique talent to spare.

To name the best would be unfair.

Stop worrying.

There are many talents around.

If only we could find one,

then our business will definitely improve.

That's easier said than done.

Nowadays, Lucky Wind Tavern has all the best acts.

We won't survive another week at this rate.

Attention, everyone.

Ladies and gentlemen, come see the show.

If you can replicate our Magic Walnut trick,

we'll give you 50 silver coins.

Now, please welcome Master Chen Kuo

-for a presentation of this magic. -Thank you.

-Bravo. -Thank you.

-Bravo! -Bravo!

Everyone, watch closely.

-Bravo! -Bravo!

I figured it out. I can win this challenge.

Don't embarrass yourself. Stay here.

Who wants to try it? Come and give it a try.

Don't be afraid, come on.

May I give it a try?

You're most welcome.

Come and show me, sir.

-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

Please.

Master of Tricks, Chen Kuo

Look, there's water in the bowl.

What a naughty pigeon.

It's pigeon droppings.

He's so unlucky.

He solved your trick. Pay him now.

-Pay up! -Pay up!

Be reasonable.

He hasn't got the walnut yet, right?

That's right.

Bring back the walnut

to shut him up.

Right?

Gentlemen.

The walnuts are on Master Chen.

Impressive.

-Pay up! -Pay up!

-Pay up! -All right.

Here you go.

I don't mean to offend. A reward is unnecessary.

In that case,

may I know your name?

Where did you learn the trick?

I'm Chang Hsien.

I self-taught for fun.

-Bravo! -Bravo!

Excuse me!

Hey, go get him!

That's right. He can save our business.

Sir, why don't we hire him?

Wait, Mr. Chang!

-I have a favor to ask! -Master Chang!

What on earth are you doing?

Mr. Chang!

-Mr. Chang! -Master Chang!

A ghost!

I saw a ghost!

Closed for renovation

Good shot with the droppings.

Now, everyone thinks Chang Hsien is a freak.

Where is he?

Put more air holes in the seat.

I nearly suffocated.

I'll fix it right away.

-Help yourself to fresh buns. -Thank you.

Li Yi.

Do the siblings we saw own Happy Inn?

Yes.

They seem honest enough.

Adept in both literature and military affairs

Zhuge Liang was a genius

He masterminded military campaigns

Good day, madams.

Butler Liu, good day.

Where is Seventh Madame?

She has been tired of your shows ages ago.

Chen Kuo.

Do you have something new?

I'm working on it.

Once I'm ready, I'll present it to all of you.

Seventh Madame isn't interested in anything

other than magic shows.

If she isn't pleased, the general will blame us.

-That bad guy spoils that vixen. -Well said.

Master is so unfair, isn't he?

Definitely.

That's enough.

Let's not discuss this in public.

Have you found that expert?

I sent investigators to Hunan

only to discover that person is a swindler.

It seems that the Seven Wonders is fake.

It's untrustworthy.

It's historically documented. It must be real!

Yes.

Here's your fee.

Do your best.

Butler Liu is warning you.

Accomplish this mission

or suffer the consequence.

Well...

It was stolen from a tomb.

My dear workers.

I really had no choice

but to close down our shop.

See you.

-Let's go. -Come on.

-Take care, boss. -Please take care.

If we had hired Chang Hsien that day,

we wouldn't be in a such dire position.

Why am I so unlucky?

Mr. Li.

Mr. Chang,

what brings you here?

I wish to buy half of your shares

so you can keep this place running.

What do you think?

My brother is always speechless to important matters.

He's overwhelmed by your proposition.

But it's too late.

He has already sold this place to Chen Kuo

and took his down payment.

Give him back.

Will this be enough?

Yes! More than enough!

-I'll ask the staff to return. -No need.

I have the manpower.

Go!

Happy Inn

According to our contract,

I'm paying back triple the deposit.

But didn't you say you were quitting?

Chang Hsien has returned from overseas and he's joining Happy Inn!

The great magician will perform at Happy Inn!

The great magician?

They've arrived.

Do you have any questions?

What exactly are you up to?

I bet you must have an ulterior motive.

I don't want to know. Don't tell me.

I'm not listening.

As long as our family business survives,

I don't care.

Indeed.

You're better off not knowing it.

You say Chang of the East will decimate us,

but I'm more worried about General Li of the North.

General Li's army is larger and closer to us.

If he decides to ambush us, we're dead meat.

If General Li dares to attack,

I'll deploy 3,000 elite soldiers

to fight him.

I'll send 8,000 men armed with Mauser pistols

to fight him head-to-head.

Mauser pistols are outdated like spears.

I'll dispatch 10,000 troops with 200 Vickers machine guns.

He'll be dead.

Vickers guns are heavy and dumb.

Listen, everybody.

I've just bought 500 lightweight Maxim machine guns.

When you fire, it goes bang, bang!

Such a blast.

Fatty, you left a soldier on my territory.

Take it back.

This land was mine.

What's your problem?

Don't put on airs, small officer.

Everyone knows you used to smuggle salt.

Salt-smuggler.

Pull back your troops or I'll show you my force!

Just retreat from Master's territory.

Why cross Master over a few acres of land?

Have you no shame?

Darn it! I thought we were on the same side.

Don't yell at me.

I can turn my guns on you.

I'll ask one last time. Will you retreat?

What can you do to me if I don't?

You refuse to retreat?

Then I'll gouge out your other eyeball!

Stop it. What's wrong with you two?

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Kill each other.

Then I can take your territories

without any effort.

Do you mean it?

I'm not a backstabber.

If I had wanted your territories,

I would've challenged you directly

because I'm not a sneaky sort.

If you have a problem, just speak out.

No conflict will arise

if we draw a clear line on the territory.

The public sees us as a bunch of amateurs.

If we don't stick together,

how will we beat them?

He's right.

Take a look, buddies.

I have tanks.

I'll blast my enemies into smithereens.

You've got all the latest weapons from Japan.

What do we fight them with?

Fine.

Give me a list of what you need.

I'll give you

whatever I can.

Are you mad, Bully?

Why are you so generous?

Look.

He's a man worthy of being our leader.

That's right.

-Very well! -Very well!

Mitearai, are you giving him our tanks for real?

Yes.

Lei Bully is a fool.

Why support him?

A fool can be easily manipulated.

The Northeastern warlords are too smart.

We must hedge out bets.

But...

Don't worry. I've planted someone.

-No wonder. -No wonder.

One, two, three!

Chang's Magic Parlor

Friends and neighbors.

To celebrate our reopening,

today's shows are free!

-Line up for tickets! -Don't push. Line up for tickets!

Make way.

Stop.

Boss, we're here.

This way, please. Where is your ticket?

Didn't you say the show was free?

-Yes, but you still need a ticket. -Excuse me.

Give him two dollars.

No. One will do.

-Can I enter now? -Please.

This is the legendary carnival mirror.

I must buy one too.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Master Chang Hsien who beat Chen Kuo at Lucky Wind Tavern

and made an impressive appearance

is coming on the stage.

-Bravo! -Bravo!

What is he doing?

These are just some cheap tricks

copied from Western circuses.

They're no big deal.

Let's go.

Master Chen, please stay.

Yes, Master Chang?

-It's fire! -Fire...

is a gift from the heavens.

Fire can cook.

With fire, mankind no longer eats raw meat.

It can also refine metal from ore

for our use.

Since we discovered fire,

the fate of mankind

has changed.

Civilization...

was born because of fire.

Could this be the legendary Cold Fire?

Fire can keep us warm,

but it's also fearful.

Do you know

what happens when fire falls into the hands

of a magician?

I can use it to create spectacles

or use it to show my fury.

-Bravo! -Bravo!

Chang's Magic Parlor

Te-chun.

Lower the blade.

Put that away. Lei's aide has brought his soldiers.

It seems that a VIP is coming to see our show.

Mr. Chang.

How did I perform so far?

Very good.

Then will you let me be your assistant?

Of course.

That's great.

Let's take a walk.

Sure.

Tickets are sold out these few days.

We'll be busy.

Rest up for the show tomorrow.

The general is coming to see the show.

Block all roads tomorrow morning.

-Yes! -Yes!

I've handed everything over to you.

-I tried. -Nothing is wrong.

Rehearsal begins!

Come on.

Excuse me.

-What is that? -It's Lei Bully.

Can a dummy react?

Get me a real man.

All right. But who?

You'll do it.

Fine.

Come on.

The smoke can only last for a minute.

Then the guards will realize Lei's disappearance.

Go.

Will you be this gentle to Lei?

How could you do this to me?

-Hurry up. -Move now.

One, two, three.

Go.

One, two, three.

How long did we take?

Over two minutes.

It's not far off the mark.

We're kidnapping Lei. We need to be precise.

A single mistake will be fatal.

Let's practice again.

Hey.

Why are you sneaking around?

Run, hurry.

Don't run.

-Don't move! -Stay!

-Don't move! -Stay!

Everyone.

Are you practicing your new act?

It's time for us to come clean.

Don't say it. Cover your ears now.

Don't worry, they won't intervene.

That's right.

He hasn't said it yet. We haven't heard it yet.

Let's just pretend nothing has happened, all right?

But you saw everything.

Get them.

Stop!

-Stop it! -What are you doing?

What do you want?

You're endangering all of us.

You only care about yourself.

You're just like those scums in the army who disregard human life.

We think of the greater good.

What is the greater good?

Nothing is more important than human lives.

If you're going to hurt them, I'll quit.

If something goes wrong,

I'll hold you responsible.

Actually,

I've always wanted to join whatever it's called

to overthrow whatever it is.

Don't worry.

My brother will never betray you.

Hey, you...

Move aside!

Chang's Magic Parlor

Are we here for a show or an execution?

They'll shoot you first.

Why do you all look so happy?

We're only here to make up the number.

She has the master's sole attention.

What else can we do but amuse ourselves?

Right. What else can you do?

I'm going to fight.

A female street juggler is no match for me.

Hey. What are you doing?

-Look at that. -It's the orchestra.

It's beautiful.

What happened?

What is it?

Madam, are you all right?

Bully, help me.

Your feet are too big for high heels.

-Her feet are too big. -Get up now.

Excuse me.

What's wrong with you?

Let's go.

General, the President has summoned a war council.

I'm not going.

But the President is a powerful man.

We can't upset him.

Shut up and sit down.

How can you ignore state affairs?

If you skip the meeting, I'm leaving.

But I'll miss your smile.

-I'm leaving. -All right.

One smile for me.

It's adorable.

Go now.

The performance is starting soon.

That's great.

Stop whining. Get up now.

Change the show.

They were a happy couple.

What went wrong?

The scholar was the girl's lover.

The old man is her father.

The man with the gun is a bully.

While the scholar went abroad,

the bully kidnapped her.

Her father went missing too.

The girl lived on in sorrow.

I feel so sorry for them.

That's so impressive.

-Look. -Why are there tears on her face?

Where? Let me see.

There are tears.

She never forgets her lover, so she cries.

Madam, can I borrow your handkerchief?

You don't seem to be moved.

Don't you want them to reunite?

Can you make it happen?

Magic aims to create miracles.

I believed in miracles.

But after waiting forever, I'm not so sure.

Just have faith.

Your dreams

will come true eventually.

She's smiling.

It's a happy ending!

-It's a miracle! -I can't believe my eyes!

That's impressive!

The back hallway

Let's return to the mansion.

Step aside!

The general just celebrated his birthday.

What's the occasion today?

Today is his dog's birthday.

Do you mean Butler Liu?

Watch your mouth.

It's just another excuse to swindle our money.

-General, congratulations. -Congratulations.

Please accept our token of appreciation.

General Lei.

-What is this thing? -A bulldog.

It's a cross between a bull and a dog.

-It's such a rarity. -That's right.

Bully, let's dance.

It has started.

May I?

Master.

I'll step on your feet.

I don't mind.

It's fantastic.

That's right. I wish I could learn.

Hey. What are you doing?

It's Master Chang.

Do you not want to see me?

I waited three years

and all I get is a note?

I returned the moment I heard what happened.

It has been nine months.

These walls can't hold you.

Why didn't you escape?

He's looking for me.

Do you care about him?

If you prefer him,

just tell me.

Don't you trust me?

He's not your type of man.

That's for me to decide.

You have no right to judge me.

He is a ruthless evil,

but he is kind to me.

Is he truly wicked?

A so-called kind man went abroad

and vanished without a trace.

He even forgot about his wedding.

Can he be considered good?

It has been three years.

We finally meet again.

Yet you said nothing nice to me.

Are you sure you still love me?

I came back to fulfill my promise.

I don't think

you're on my guest list.

Who are you?

Chang Hsien?

Bully, he is the magician, Chang Hsien!

Master Chang is here! Come greet him!

I want to see your show again tomorrow.

Mr. Chang, what brings you here?

I invited him.

You did?

You took me to his show last time.

I was quite impressed.

So I asked him to come for our dog's birthday.

You could have told me.

You didn't give me a chance to speak.

Mr. Chang.

Our guests are waiting for your performance.

He's impressive.

-It's beautiful! -Show it to me!

What about me?

He's impressive.

I envy her.

I want one too.

It's gorgeous.

I'm the first wife. I want something better.

He's impressive.

That's great! It's so beautiful!

What about me?

Look at this.

He's impressive.

Give it back to me.

Master Chang.

It's my turn, do one for me.

Look. He's doing it.

What is he doing?

Look at that.

It's huge.

A magician is nothing without props.

General, can I borrow your gun?

No.

What are you afraid of?

Take it.

There's one more bullet left.

You're very observant, General.

The last bullet

is my gift to you.

Hold your fire! Don't move.

General Lei and Seventh Madame,

you are truly a perfect couple.

Bully.

This is what foreigners call romantic.

Master Chang, shoot at us too.

You're really special.

I must go visit you one day.

I look forward to it.

-Run for your life! -Run for your life!

-Run for your life! -Run for your life!

Gosh.

What on earth is that?

Stop the tank.

Don't touch it! It's hot...

Be careful.

Listen. Come with me, all right?

Let's go buy some candy.

Let's go.

-Which end is the front? -Move, children.

General, that end!

This end looks better. Next time, we'll drive in reverse.

-I'll buy you candies. -Yes, sir.

-All right! -Hands off. Get the money first.

Come on. My aide.

Sir.

Tell me what an aide is responsible for.

He needs to pay, sir.

You're getting smarter.

Yes, sir.

"Yes, sir"? I'm complimenting you.

You should reply with thank you.

Yes, sir.

What a fool.

Do you want to watch a magic show?

-Yes! -Yes!

Lei Bully is here.

Choose a seat and sit down.

Be good.

There he comes.

Get ready to capture him.

No. There are too many children.

You want me to give up this opportunity?

He still has my woman.

I have no interest in your love affairs.

I'm a man with a cause.

Have you never done anything for yourself or your family?

I'm warning you.

Nobody can take action until I say so.

Hey.

Hurry up.

Buy us some time. Stand by.

We can't wait.

Please sit, General Lei.

Fat boy, get lost.

Please take a seat.

Go play over there.

Take a seat! The show is about to start!

Good day, General Lei and distinguished guests.

Today's show will delight

both young and old.

Did you hear that?

You're all distinguished guests.

Be quiet. It's showtime.

Enjoy.

I'm scared.

My dear, don't cry.

Don't be scared. It's fake.

You can't see this. Cover your eyes.

It's all right to look now.

It doesn't burn.

Awesome.

Do you like it?

Get ready.

His guards are at the back.

We can't act without the smoke.

Ignore him. Wait for my signal.

-Get ready. -Stop it.

Look, there's fire.

I'm scared.

-Are you ready? -This is so annoying.

It's all right. Don't cry.

Hit it.

Abracadabra!

The trap door.

-What are you looking for? -My friend has disappeared.

Disappeared?

Did you enjoy my magic?

Let's perform together, all right?

Where were you?

We're performing magic together.

Get out.

Now.

There is a trap door and tunnel under the seat.

That's how you did the trick.

You have sharp eyes, General.

If I were sitting there,

you could've kidnapped me.

That's right.

Why didn't I think of that?

You are worth a fortune.

I know who you are.

You're a trickster.

That day, with just a few tricks,

you kept every lady amused.

You must be a trickster.

No, I'm a dream maker.

A dream maker?

It's merely a better word for a fraudster.

It takes practice to deceive.

General.

Stay back.

Tell me what you want, General.

Teach me a few magic tricks.

I want to make my seventh wife smile.

I see.

But it's quite difficult.

Why?

Seventh Madame seems to be troubled.

Can you read minds too?

A great magician must be observant.

I just want to make her smile.

It shouldn't be too difficult, right?

Tell a friendly lie to make her smile.

Do you know what I mean?

A friendly lie?

All right.

I'll teach you a simple trick first.

Let's see if you can please her.

All right.

Pay attention.

I've shown you the technique,

but I can't guarantee love.

It all depends on you.

I'll make it work.

-Good day, Master. -Where is Seventh Madame?

She's over there.

Yin, don't hit me.

Please enjoy my show.

A cigarette.

Turn around.

The other way.

Forget it. I saw this trick when I was a baby.

I'm not done yet.

Who taught you this?

Who else but Master Chang?

He's quite charming. I enjoyed talking to him.

What did you talk about?

Nothing much.

I told him he kept the ladies amused with just a few tricks.

So he must be a trickster. He denied it.

I said, no matter what, he's still a fraudster.

He said it takes practice to deceive and asked if I understood.

In fact, I didn't get him.

He asked me why I approached him.

I said I wanted to learn a trick to make you smile.

But he said you looked troubled.

I ask if he could read minds too.

He said a magician has to be observant.

Then he taught me a trick to help me win your heart.

Give me the ring.

Yin.

What must I do to make you happy?

Chang's Magic Parlor

Who are you?

Get the thief!

Who are you?

Stop!

-Come down! -Come down!

Come down!

Step aside.

If you wanted to return the ring,

you could do it yourself.

I just wanted you to know

that I always carry it with me.

You should know that I came back for you.

It's dangerous approaching Lei Bully.

You still care for me.

What do you want?

Come with me.

I can't leave until I find my father.

Master Liu is imprisoned

along with his comrades.

We're a foreign squad from the South to overthrow the warlords.

Since Lei often takes you to magic shows,

we asked Mr. Chang to collaborate with us.

Do you plan to capture Lei as a hostage

-to swap prisoners? -Yes.

What if he refuses?

We'll kill him.

That will put my father's life in danger.

Ms. Liu.

Your father's life is unimportant,

but he can stop Lei from collaborating with foreign powers.

I won't help you.

Mr. Chang.

Which side do you think she's on?

Let us talk in private.

Tell me

if I'm wrong to return.

If you're back out of jealousy,

then you're wrong.

Stop her! Tie her up if she refuses to work with us!

Hold it!

Li Yi, give me some time.

Get ready.

Action!

Mr. Satou said

he traveled from Japan

and fell in love with me

at first sight.

Am I truly

that beautiful?

Cut! Change the scene.

Bully.

You've come to visit me.

How did I do?

You're normally a good speaker,

but why were you out of breath when you were delivering lines?

This is how all leading ladies act.

I must change costumes now.

Please sign.

Kun-shan, what does it say?

This is the Acknowledgement of Arms Delivery.

The weapons were not gifts for me?

This is international protocol.

If you don't acknowledge it,

Mr. Mitearai can't account for them.

This is like a receipt for accounting purposes.

For accounting. I see.

Signature

Then what's this?

This is the Declaration of Loyalty to Qing Dynasty.

Didn't we cut off our pigtails long ago?

But people miss the good old days.

Our country is powerful

because we have an emperor.

Mr. Mitearai, do I look like an emperor?

If I were an emperor,

I would gather all the red light district beauties

and form my own harem.

I'll indulge in my own pleasure palace.

How nice.

May I read your fortune, General?

It shows Dragon with Regrets.

It means you have the power to rise.

However,

there's danger ahead.

What does that mean?

You cannot soar too high.

Otherwise, you may fall to death.

Therefore, accept your destiny.

Yes, you should support the emperor.

Well...

Action!

Excuse me.

She's taking a bath.

Please don't do that!

Darn it.

What are you doing?

How dare you touch my woman?

I won't let my woman show nudity.

Amend the script!

He's not going to cooperate with us!

What did he say?

The director appears to be saying

the storyline demands that Third Madame bares all.

I'm paying for this film.

Do as I said.

Let's just kill this jerk!

What did he say?

I suppose he's saying

even if you're the investor,

you can't change the script.

That is absolutely ridiculous.

If you don't change it, I'll kill you.

Please calm down, sir.

Let's talk it over.

It's brand new. How could it misfire?

Whose side are you on?

Yours, of course, General.

Remember this.

A clever dog is still a dog.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Mitearai.

I'm sorry that I killed your man.

Don't worry, there are many directors.

We'll hire a new one tomorrow.

-Steamed buns. -Be careful, it's hot.

General, Mr. Chang is here.

Please.

-Sit. -Move aside.

Your trick didn't work.

I don't think there's true love in this world.

Have you ever seen the wind?

You've never seen it, yet it exists.

Clever.

Do you want me to be frank with you

or flatter you?

Please speak freely.

If I say something wrong, will you shoot me?

Are you testing me?

A great mind is broad enough for ships.

Mine is broad enough for tanks.

Do you think you can make me mad?

All right, let me ask you.

Does Seventh Madame

love you freely?

Well...

You're speechless. So the rumors are true.

What rumors?

Rumors say that she has a fiancé,

but you've locked her up.

Did you?

Maybe.

That's why.

How could she be nice to you when she hates you?

That's why I never forced her

no matter what happens.

Never?

Not even a kiss.

Do you see what I mean?

You are a true gentleman.

Of course.

I'm much better than her so-called fiancé.

That man has pimples.

He's an old, ugly, immoral gambler.

He is terrible.

-How is that possible? -I'm not lying.

I admit I'm at fault,

but he's even worse.

Yin loves him,

yet he ran off to Europe

and vanished without a trace since.

He's such a jerk.

I'm not talking about you.

Why do you look insulted?

I didn't sleep well last night.

I heard that her fiancé isn't that bad.

My foot.

He makes my blood boil.

You were talking about "free love" just now.

How exactly does one love freely?

Firstly,

give her freedom.

Let her go?

No, I can't.

Teach me how to make her love me

without setting her free.

Then trick her into falling in love with you.

But it takes practice to deceive someone.

You have good memories.

There's another trick.

Pay attention.

What's this?

-The unstoppable love. -How profound.

Women love the attention of a man.

Gaze at Liu Yin like that every day.

Show your desire and hunger for her.

She'll be happy.

That makes sense.

But how did you know her name?

You just said it.

I did?

-Really? -Yes.

Right?

See? Children don't lie.

I have an idea.

Invite me to perform for her privately.

Let me befriend her

and figure out what she really wants.

Good idea.

Good idea.

-Come tonight. -All right.

What should I do later?

Should I do it like this?

Relax and match the rotation.

Rotation?

That means my head should...

Rhythm is the key.

Yin, Chang Hsien just taught me a new trick.

Let me show you.

-Take a seat. -All right.

Let me help you.

All right. Thank you.

It's breaking.

That's enough, Chang Hsien.

Be careful, General.

I'm fine.

Yin, you do care for me.

That's good.

Come join me and Chang Hsien for drinks tonight.

Prepare food and wine.

-Who drinks? -Who drinks?

-Eight horses. -Six sixes.

-Two meet by chance. -Six sixes.

-Five chiefs. -Six sixes.

You're good.

All right. I'll drink.

Dig in. Don't be shy.

The general may have a lot of friends,

but very few are invited to drink with him.

So Chang Hsien has become your close friend.

I wish I had met him earlier.

What do you two talk about?

Besides life and philosophy,

we also talk about relationships.

He knows everything about magic and love.

Was it a rewarding discussion?

Yes. We exchanged views on free love,

but I wasn't convinced.

Can you elaborate?

Of course.

Thanks to the traditional arranged marriages,

many couples have grown old together.

In an arranged marriage,

the man usually gets to choose,

but not the woman.

-It's so unfair. -No.

Many women wait until their husband's death

in order to resume freedom.

Really?

Yes. That's why arranged marriage

doesn't entail happiness, right?

But free love also has its downside.

It involves too much freedom.

You may love the wrong person.

That's right. Just like you.

You chose your fiancé.

Was it the right choice?

No, it ended badly.

But one thing is for certain.

If one side is unwilling,

it won't end well.

In fact,

even if both sides are willing, it may not end well.

You both appear to have strong opinions.

Let me ask some questions.

Mr. Chang.

Can you explain the different types of love?

Love can spring from sympathy,

gratitude,

or companionship.

But nothing can compare

to the eternal power of first love.

What is love then?

Love is tricky.

It can't be calculated like arithmetic

nor quantified like physics.

It's mystical.

There is love borne out of fantasy, but it's unrealistic.

Some love is borne out of desire,

but it's unattainable.

Love is like a jinx.

That's why you must remain sober.

But I can't help it.

Last question.

If your mother and I fall into the sea, who would you save?

Why would you fall into the sea with his mother,

but not with my mother?

Fine.

If I fall into the sea with your mother,

who would you save?

My mother can swim. She doesn't need my help.

Can your mother swim?

She's a great swimmer.

We're not discussing who can swim,

but who you would save.

-I'll save you. -I'll save you.

-Why not your mother? -As I said, she's a great swimmer.

Don't go.

Stay a little longer.

Seventh Madame.

A lamp must be lit to shed light.

Since we're on the subject,

why don't you tell us what's on your mind?

Yes, let's settle this.

Do you still love your fiancé?

Or have you fallen in love with the general?

How hard is it to say you love me?

You're torturing me.

I know why she is hesitating.

You're too emotional.

If you can't have love, you steal it.

When you can't suppress the rebels, you put them in jail.

Don't talk nonsense to Yin.

You didn't kill them?

No. I just locked them up.

Who would believe you?

Would you?

No wonder they call you the rotten warlord.

There are two things I hate the most in life.

The first is being called illiterate.

The second is being called the rotten warlord.

Don't try me.

See?

You can't control your temper.

You can't convince us without proof.

I'm warning you. Stop it now.

I knew you couldn't accept the truth.

Kill me. Shoot me in front of them.

-Officers! -Yes!

-Take him away! -Yes!

Seventh Madame, don't go.

Sorry. The twins aren't on my side. Please don't mind.

Understood.

There are undercovers in this prison. Mind your words.

Stand firm!

Warden, did you give them better meals?

Yes, right after you gave the order.

Wu and Fan.

Do you remember when you introduced me to Mr. D and Mr. S?

I thought they were foreigners.

"D" is science, and "S" is democracy.

Am I right?

It's the other way around!

Do you really take me as for fool?

To accomplish a goal, one must gather strength.

Today, I asked the Japanese for tanks.

Tomorrow, I'll ask for airplanes.

Once I'm strong enough, I'll kick them out.

By then, everything will be easy.

If they stage a demonstration,

I'm afraid they will be killed.

Don't believe the gossip.

Sometimes, you can't even trust your own eyes.

Just like my magic.

I'll show you around.

Is the army camp ahead?

Yes, sir.

It's restricted. You're not allowed to go in there.

Wait for me here.

Follow me.

But General...

Let's go!

Go.

Master, are you all right?

Brat, you've come at last.

Have you found the Cold Fire?

What happened?

I was touring with Yin and the troupe.

Liu Kun-shan ambushed us.

He wants the Seven Wonders scroll.

I refused and he had me beaten.

What is the Seven Wonders?

It's like the Cold Fire.

It's a combination of seven elements

used to control the mind.

Humans are vulnerable.

When they're lost, they seek help from spirits.

Corrupted men

use their skills to deceive people.

I've seen many becoming swindlers.

Liu was my pupil when he was young.

He was even younger than you.

He was smart,

but he was obsessed with illusions.

Soon, he started to swindle people.

That was why I threw him out.

He's a swindler who ended up fooling himself.

Poor guy.

The truth depends on your perspective.

If people watch us behind the stage,

a good act can look fake.

Lei Bully isn't responsible for this.

Yin asked him to help me.

That's why I'm still alive.

Once Yin is safe,

I'll get you out of here.

No rush.

Don't alarm our foe now.

He is desperate for the Seven Wonders scroll.

He must be up to something big.

Use his weakness.

Remember.

Magic is based on the art of deception.

The secret is in the box.

There are two kinds of audiences.

Some want the truth.

Some want to revel in the illusion.

Which one are you?

Being tricked by the illusion is where the pleasure lies.

Why ruin it?

Yes, the truth can often be absurd.

Worse, it can be cruel and ugly.

It's better to leave room for imagination.

It's the lies that hurt.

It looks like you can tell who I am.

All magicians are good at keeping secrets.

Can you help me find the truth?

Commander Liu is here.

Pleased to see you.

Greetings.

I had longed to put on Manchurian robes

in public again.

Don't worry, that day will come soon.

Your Highness.

This is Taga Group's president, Mr. Mitearai.

We're honored to work with Your Highness.

-Wonderful. -Thank you.

Gentlemen, any request to the mighty spirits?

We're determined to restore the Qing Dynasty.

Will the outcome be victorious?

Victory will be determined

by a single battle.

The sign is favorable.

When is the best time for action?

Seize the time. Do not delay.

-That's great. -That's great.

Your Majesty, how I've missed you!

We have a new show.

Come see the show.

Boss, Butler Liu,

I've found it.

Chang's Magic Parlor

It was right under our noses.

Seven Wonders, The Golden Touch

The Scroll of the Seven Wonders

Come back!

Who are you? How dare you steal my scroll?

-Give it to me! -Go away!

Catch it!

Don't think that you can escape!

Thief, I've put a curse on you.

You'll see it by midnight.

What was in the bowl?

Touch it and you'll never get married.

I've already touched it.

Wash your hands with vinegar, not water.

"The Golden Touch.

Five Demon Traps.

Invisible Walker.

Magic Labyrinth.

Moving Mountains and Sea.

Almighty Fire.

Magic Bean Army."

I've found it.

I've finally found it!

It's real magic.

He's a real sorcerer.

Welcome, extinguished guests!

Watch your steps.

Mr. Chang, I'm glad that you've come.

This is Peking's greatest magician.

-Treat him well. -Master!

-Master! -Master!

If you wish to talk,

let's meet in private.

Well then. Leave us, girls.

-Let's go. -VIP coming up.

You are quite a ladies' man.

Cut it out. Give me the scroll.

I'll return it once I'm done.

It's useless without my guidance.

What's your relationship with Liu Wan-yao?

He's my master.

It's just as I thought.

I'm not finished yet.

If you smile again,

I'll make your face

larger than this.

He's a rogue pupil of my master.

He's a traitor too?

Cut to the chase.

What do you want?

I want to learn the Seven Wonders.

I only teach my pupils.

Don't even think about it.

Make me your pupil.

Cut this out. Just pay me.

I'll pay any price. Please sit.

Good. I have one more condition.

I need to check our karmic connection.

How?

What's your zodiac?

-Dog. -That's wrong.

You're a tortoise.

You never leave your shell.

Take it out.

It's here.

It says that joint forces can break metal.

It looks like you've passed the test.

Master.

Together we can shake the world.

You're conspiring with the Japanese behind General Lei.

How did you know?

Your shell is useless.

If I use my own shell,

I can predict all your actions in a day.

-I can help under one condition. -Tell me, Master.

I want to be the Imperial Sage after the country is restored.

You're one of us?

My real name

is Gesaerdu Duoduoshan.

I suppose we're on the same side.

Yes.

I'll definitely recommend my master as the Imperial Sage.

Also, you must have figured out

my other motive in approaching Lei Bully.

He killed my father and I want vengeance.

I want to kill that rascal by myself.

When will you teach me?

No rush.

You need to fast for 49 days.

Wait for a moonless night with northwesterly winds.

Your power will be heightened.

I'll do as you say, Master.

You're too important to me.

I promise to protect you day and night

to keep you safe from Lei Bully.

Don't you trust me?

I just want you to be safe, Master.

Great.

Let's have a toast.

-Sir. -Bring the wine!

What are you doing?

Leave now or it will be too late.

Leave me alone.

-Let me go. -Why won't you listen to me?

Let me go.

-Mr. Chang. -Mr. Chang.

Li Yi went to rescue his comrades.

You should leave now.

Mr. Chang, come with us.

We must leave now. Let's go.

Remember to come back and feed the pigeons.

I will.

Sure. Let's go.

How about you?

The show must go on.

Am I right?

That's right.

Remember.

Expect the worse situation.

Don't panic even when mistakes happen.

Just overcome it.

From now on, I'm relying on you.

Seventh Madame, the general is here.

Both of you, get out.

-Yes. -Yes.

Yin, did you know?

Chang Hsien planned to kidnap me.

What does he really want?

Even Butler Liu is behaving strangely.

He became Chang Hsien's pupil all of a sudden.

He should respect his master then.

Why is he spying on Chang Hsien?

What the heck is going on?

I don't understand it.

It's driving me crazy.

Chang Hsien is my fiancé.

He did everything for me.

Can you tell Butler Liu not to hurt him?

If you save him,

then I'm yours.

You want a baby, don't you?

Even if we have a baby,

the baby's mother doesn't love me.

What's the point?

I've known

from the way you gazed at him at the party.

If only you would look at me the same way,

I would be satisfied for life.

I've acted like a fool my whole life.

I'm very convincing

that I fooled everyone.

Someone who plays a fool to please you all the time

can't be a bad person, right?

Bully.

I'm sorry if I misjudged you.

But you can't blame me

because I didn't cause any of this.

Fine.

Will you kill him?

Will you?

Chang Hsien!

Come out!

Where are you?

What's the fuss?

You little pimp!

This one is for Yin.

She's the best woman I've ever met.

How could you break her heart?

You stole my woman.

Don't be so self-righteous.

Why didn't you say it earlier?

What makes you think I'll kill you

instead of letting you go?

Do you really mean it?

What?

Don't play dumb.

You said if I come clean with you,

you would let us go and give us your blessing.

Screw you. Stop playing around with words.

Are you giving her back to me?

Never!

Go to hell!

That's enough.

What did you find out?

Liu conspired with the Japanese to restore the Qing dynasty.

All those filmmakers are spies.

Once they succeed, they'll kill you.

He doesn't have the nerve.

Do you know he hides something under his hat?

Under the hat?

I must find out what it is.

Help!

I'll kill you!

Don't run!

General.

Aren't you suppose to be on set today?

You rascal.

I thought that you were just a homeless eunuch turned street performer.

I pitied you and made you a soldier.

Now, you're sleeping with my wife?

I can forgive you for taking your pigtail.

But how can you justify

that thing in your pants?

If I don't kill you today,

I'll change my surname!

Don't shoot!

Please don't kill him.

We were childhood lovers.

I sang and he performed magic.

We were planning to get married

when the time was right.

But the war separated us.

When I found him, he was already in your army

and I was already your wife.

I didn't dare to tell you the truth.

Do us a favor.

Kill us both.

Take your man and leave.

-If I ever see him again, -Kill them.

I'll castrate him myself.

Get out!

Hurry up.

You let him go?

They're already gone. Of course I'm letting them go.

Are you really letting him off?

Chang Hsien.

Why are you so cold-blooded?

Didn't you hear

that they were childhood lovers separated by war?

Their story is more heartbreaking

and more worthy of sympathy than yours.

You're saying

that he won't repay your kindness with malice

and that he won't conspire against you

and that he'll stop restoring the Qing dynasty?

Is that so?

Do you regret it yet?

A little.

Go after him now.

No problem.

I'll raid Mitearai's company tonight

with the other generals.

-And then... -It will be too late. Act now.

My friends enjoy the nightlife.

I bet they are still sleeping.

Let's go.

Are we getting a massage?

Good idea. We have a lot to do tonight.

Let's go.

I'll show you a new bathhouse in Peking.

Why don't you call your friends first

and tell them to prepare?

No hurry. Let's get a massage first.

Taga samurais.

Butler Liu has been exposed.

It's time for us to take charge!

Bully has uncovered our plan.

The future of the empire is at stake.

Take action now.

We can't wait.

Kill Lei Bully!

-Long live the empire! -Long live the empire!

Seventh Madame.

Yin, let's go.

-Don't move. -Don't move.

-Don't move. -Don't move.

Get me General Kao.

Have you found him yet?

No.

Maybe they've all gone to the brothel.

General, Butler Liu has engineered a coup.

He's holding many families hostage.

They're here.

Kill!

Take these.

Orange, Peach, Apricot, Melon Seed.

Even Table, Chair, and Jug are here.

Attack!

Mr. Chang, protect the general.

I'll fight.

Let's go.

I told you to call first, but you wanted a massage.

It was your idea.

Stop it. Where are we going?

-This way. -That way.

Go straight ahead.

Be careful!

Bully.

-Run for your life! -Run for your life!

-Hurry. Run for your life. -Run.

It's none of our business now.

It's time to rescue Master.

We can't leave Bully here.

Yin!

Meet me at the magic parlor.

Chang Hsien.

-Bully. -Yin, where's Chang Hsien?

He's waiting for us at the magic parlor.

Lei Bully.

You're dead.

Run for your life!

Yin.

Run!

What are you doing?

Yin, ignore him.

You still rage with jealousy.

Once you've let down a woman,

you can't win her back with any magic.

Don't ever doubt me. Come over now.

Go with him.

Chang Hsien.

I hate you.

Bully!

Be careful!

Bully, get up.

I want to see their corpses!

Douse the fire!

Go!

Watch out for the grenades!

-Long live His Majesty! -Long live His Majesty!

Please be seated.

Ladies and gentlemen.

This century's greatest miracle is upon us.

A divine army will descend

to destroy our enemies

and escort His Majesty to the throne.

Here comes our Imperial Sage.

My men are all over this place.

If your magic fails to work,

I'll offer his head

to the mighty spirits.

Now.

Guardians of the spiritual worlds,

rise under my command.

Warriors and horses from the grass and beans,

come forth!

In the name of heaven and earth,

I summon thunderbolts and lightning.

Destroy thy enemy with fire and blaze.

Abracadabra.

Come forth!

This rascal.

Why is he throwing things at us?

Idiots!

This is fake!

This magic is amazing.

Commander Liu, what's going on?

You said he was a real sorcerer.

Creating an army by magic?

You must be joking.

This doesn't feel right. Let's leave now.

Let's go.

Wait.

If magic really exists in this world,

I know that everyone must hope for miracles.

Just have faith,

and your dreams will come true eventually.

The divine troop has descended unto the world!

It's a film.

Directed by Chang Hsien

Starring: Lei Bully, Liu Yin

What's this?

The film is fake.

Don't be fooled.

Don't take it seriously!

What's happening?

They're not dead!

What's going on?

Be careful.

-Hurry up. -Don't break it.

I want to see their corpses!

Douse the fire!

Go!

Watch out for the grenades!

Go.

Kun-shan.

Let me make your dreams come true.

Baby.

Baby.

Nice baby.

Cute babies.

Are you hungry?

Hold on.

Good babies.

My dream has finally come true.

It has come true.

Mine too.

Where's my dream?

-Where's my dream? -Where's my dream?

Where's my dream?

The Seven Wonders create illusions.

Dreams can only be realized through hard work.

I've worked hard all my life.

But if you take the wrong path,

your dreams will end up in nightmares.

Kun-shan.

The day has come to eradicate all evil.

-Kill! -Kill!

-Master! -Kill!

Kill!

The show is almost over.

Just open fire.

Even without wine, life intoxicates us

with love, hate, fame, and fortune.

Life is like a play.

Magicians can make counterfeits as good as real.

But they can never alter a woman's heart.

I'm not being arrogant, but I know my mother best.

With one angry look,

my father turns white as a ghost.

Grandfather, let's go.

We have to hurry to watch the last scene.

All right, let's go.

Bully, are you really abandoning your troops, power, and fortune?

Didn't you used to call me a rotten warlord?

What can you call me now since I've lost everything?

I was only joking. Don't be so sensitive.

Where do you plan to go?

I'm invited to World Magic Championships in Great Britain,

but I want to go to France.

People can experience many facets of life on stage.

So I want to learn about filming.

I hope there's a future in it.

I'll go to Prussia to do weapon research.

One day, I'll build a flying bomb

to kill enemies from distance.

And you?

I'm still undecided.

There's no time for jokes.

Yin, just pick me.

Father, now I know why Seven Wonders did nothing for me.

It's because I have no ambition.

I don't desire either of them.

Why regret the past and worry about the future?

Why neglect the best things in life

in order to feed our ambition?

They're just two insensitive, rotten scoundrels.

-She means you. -She means you.

You two don't need me.

You'd better find yourself a nanny.

-Go find one. -See you.

I mean, see you never.

Father, let's go.

What are you waiting for?

Go after her.

You have six wives at home. Go back.

I got rid of them. Now, she's fair game!

Darn it.

Yin, here comes your baby, Bully!

Shut up! You're so annoying!

I love you!

This beauty never lets go of any opportunity to get revenge.

Let's split up and follow them.

Until we meet again.