Original subtitles

UP TO HIS EARS

Sir!

He must have hurt himself.

Arthur! I loved him so! It's dreadful!

Good job you weren't married.

Cornelius, you ass! It means she won't inherit.

You're obsessed with inheritance.

He's one of the wealthiest men in France... My good master!

What? I'm here!

Aren't you injured?

Sir is in a most uncomfortable position.

He'll kill himself.

As long as he keeps messing it up...

- It's given me quite a thirst. - Are you quite mad?

Just bored... Arthur is bored. He wants for something.

Wants for what? He has everything.

18 châteaux, 3 mills...

his youth, his health... and my daughter's love.

He wants for the sadness that is the spice of life.

I wish for a little darkness in our host's light.

Help me, Leon.

You'll give me a heart attack, sir. I suggest we return to the ship.

Leon, what time is it?

6.30pm, sir. As usual.

6.30?

6.30...

- What time is dinner? - 7.30pm, as usual.

Another hour.

- Is sir hungry? - No.

- Arthur should just marry her. - The boy seems a sensitive type.

I can't help noticing

that it's his 9th suicide attempt in only a week.

Week or no week, he'll marry my daughter!

Before delivering him to the joys of the bedroom,

this cruise in the Orient will broaden his horizons.

Such colour, such exoticism!

Ravishing!

Yes, ravishing!

Arthur, can we go ashore?

No...

It's a non-stop world tour?

Who's this I see coming our way?

Mr Biscoton, sir's proxyholder.

I wanted to join you at Genoa, I missed you at Beirut.

I come from Sydney. Greetings, Mr Lempereur.

Hello, Mr Biscotin.

It's Biscoton, as in "cotton". Anyway, I bring bad news.

At last!

Ah, I see... Anyway, I transferred the Stohfeld stocks

and unloaded the Lolium shares after a wave of panic selling.

Ah.

Regrettably.

Good.

But it's disastrous! We - you - are bankrupt.

There's been a crash... a crash.

What, Arthur is broke? He won't have my daughter.

What'll become of us?

I'll look after your mother, Alice.

It's dreadful.

Arthur! Arthur!

Leave me alone.

Here we go. You're at it again.

I want to die.

You have no right to kill yourself.

Life is a gift from God.

Even when I was wealthy life didn't interest me, so now...

Within despair lies the germ of beatitude.

- I want to die. - My poor child.

You'll fail again, as usual.

- Not this time. - You don't understand

that one lives and dies so as to leave a little joy on the Earth.

I can't afford it now.

I'm not talking about money. Have you no affection?

Me, your friend, and Alice, your fiancée...

Don't we matter?

I can't help you anymore.

- Are you sure? - Certain.

You wish to die?

Yes!

You're sure?

You want death?

Then you shall have it.

But first you must do something.

Come.

Strong as an ox, you'll live till you're 100.

Hence our company's name: "Centenarian".

Life insurance with us is a badge of longevity.

You're insuring yourself for $2 million.

A considerable sum.

And the beneficiaries are Alice Pontchabert...

My fiancée.

A lovely thought!

And Mr... Goh.

Chinese philosopher.

My guardian and adviser. My only friend.

- Fifty-fifty, I suppose? - Please.

So, on your death, your fiancée and your old friend

shall each receive one million dollars.

Even if I fall down the stairs on my way out?

Absolutely. All risks covered, except suicide.

Of course. I understand.

I see the insurance is for one month.

A trip, I suppose?

Along journey, yes.

One month, 30 days, taking us through to New Years Day.

Sign here, please.

So now I can't commit suicide.

Don't worry, you'll die, I'll help you.

How? By killing me?

I promise you won't feel a thing.

But first, you must go out and have some fun.

Death will take you completely by surprise and you won't feel a thing.

You have one month.

Thirty days... or a few seconds.

Mr Goh!

Arthur, haven't you noticed?

Eh? What?

My new hairdo.

Wonderful.

Miss Alice, I think the sky is preparing one hell of a sunset!

- Beautiful. - What is?

- This last sunset. - Last sunset?

I heard you snoring, Suzy. It was charming - like a little bird.

Desist from wooing me, Cornelius. I have other things on my mind.

Arthur, what on earth is wrong with you?

- I didn't close my eyes all night. - Didn't that stop you sleeping?

- Where's Mr Goh? - We haven't seen him.

Sir, look.

There, sir.

Come in, sir. Give me your jacket.

Leon, you may leave me.

I understand, sir.

Mr Goh.

Mr Goh!

Looking for me?

I...no, no... yes.

Well, no. I was just passing.

You sound tense. Relax.

These young ladies are like sails on the ocean.

Everything dies out.

What?

- I thought you were going to... - To what?

Mr Goh, you promised to kill me but quit play acting.

Oh, I'm serious.

I wonder.

How can I forget what's in it for me? A million dollars.

- What are you waiting for? - The right moment.

Everything in good time. Don't perturb my thoughts.

Enough!

That's enough!

Thank you, Leon! Thanks for your help.

- I thought sir was joking. - Well, a very funny joke!

Now, from the Gay Paris striptease, Miss Alexandrine Pinardell!

Oh, Leon, it's you!

My shoes.

Pass me my belt.

Come and button me up.

Hurry! How clumsy you are today.

I'm not used to it, Miss.

Don't panic! It's taken me 3 months to pluck up courage to approach you.

Three months?

I've only been working here for a week!

- They're after me. - Who do you think you are?

You too. Sort your business out somewhere else. I'm fed up of men.

- No... - Stop!

I've had them all: small, fat, rich...

An emir offered me gazelles and a kingdom. I don't care!

- Now get out. - Please, give me a moment.

- Get out! - You're armed?

You think a girl can travel the world without a gun?

- You're travelling? - Indeed.

- Me too. - Tell me about it. Now clear off!

I must tell you the truth. I'm a multimillionaire.

I have a fiancée, I'm now bankrupt but I get two million if I die, see?

Sure!

- You understood me? - Out!

- One last word. - What?

You're amazing, with or without the gun.

Why?

No girl ever turned me down.

- Don't they hate your fringe? - I'll cut it.

Well?

Now you look ridiculous!

Farewell, Alexandrine Pinardell.

- They're still there. - Let's face them.

Hey, go easy! Help me out here.

Carry these.

And put these hats on.

Sir isn't returning to the boat?

Leon, from now on, let me live my life.

Now where is she?

- You understand what he says? - Very well. Why?

- What are you writing? - I'm studying.

What?

- Men. - Men?

They fascinate me!

Their gods, their streets, their games, their food.

Their faces. Like yours, for example.

But what's the point?

I'm working on a best-seller. Then I'll buy myself a house.

I'll have kids, they'll travel the world too,

study, teach, and it'll all start again.

What about striptease?

Well, I have to earn a living.

Isn't it dangerous?

The danger is here. Just don't think about it.

What if a villain grabbed you?

Let him try!

- Like me, for example. - You?

Have you seen yourself?

There.

I'm lucky!

All is well.

- Where are we going? - To sleep.

Together?

Hey, did I ask you to come with me?

Come on, I'll make you dinner. Then we say good night.

Eat, eat!

Is sir unconcerned for the health of his stomach?

Leon, from now on, I want you to keep your distance.

Poor Miss Alice! We'll have to lie to her again.

You're all the same!

I'm not used to talking to women. Usually, I snap my fingers...

Wait, let me write that down. I'll fetch my notebook.

You do what?

What is that?

I've noted 97 ways to woo women.

But I didn't know that one.

Is this how it's done in France?

Yes.

How strange! I thought the French were chatty.

- There they are! - Who?

My killers.

I'll eliminate them.

Got one!

Shit, no, he's swimming.

Stop it!

Make your mind up. They want to kill you!

But it's me they're after.

It's true. But for $2 million, I'll kill you right now!

Then you're one of Mr Goh's envoys too?

You're shaking!

So what's this about wanting to die?

Another complex case.

It's my own fault for listening to him.

So you have doubts too? Moments of weakness?

Sometimes.

- Alexandrine... - Don't try anything!

I don't want to die now.

Well...

let's take advantage.

Look, stay here, I'll settle things, then I'll be right back.

"I’ll be right back."

You're the 412th man to tell me that.

And I've never seen any of them since.

Are you lions hiding? I make rugs out of gorillas!

Wait till I get my hands on you!

Come on, show yourselves. I'll find you!

Oops, sorry!

Look, sir.

It's them. Let's go!

Enough clowning around. Leon, to Mr Goh's!

Taxi!

Leon, I've learnt that you win in life by punching.

And it's beautiful!

Of course, but you can't keep us

by striptease. - Who knows, Leon?

Mr Goh?

- What are you doing here, Biscotin? - Biscoton, as in "cotton".

I have some amazing news.

Where's Mr Goh?

- He's gone. - Where to?

- No idea. - What a drag!

He left this for you.

"Dear Arthur, Unable to see it through.

"I've delegated responsibility for your death to devoted friends.

"I've gone to meditate far away, at Shouli, in the Himalayas."

He's off in the Himalayas, leaving killers after me!

Wait till I speak to them! Don't move.

Biscoton, where's Shouli?

Shouli? Easy. But I have amazing news...

Later! See you back at the boat. And find out about Shouli!

What about us?

First you go bankrupt, then you stay out all night!

Here, Leon, it's all we've got.

- Am I to pack your white tuxedo? - I guess so.

What am I, invisible?

I'll be right back.

- Where are you going? - The Himalayas.

Himalayas!

- Right, Biscotin... - It's Biscoton!

You take a flight to Delhi, cross town to another airport,

then walk the rest.

Perfect!

- I have some amazing news. - Later!

But this is extraordinary!

The flight to the Himalayas.

It's the other airport, across town.

So let's cross!

Leon, deal with this chap.

Could you please take us to the other airport?

The one across town. We have 20 minutes.

Is this where we take off? Without shoes?

It's India, get used to it!

India or not, this looks more like a mosque than an airport.

What did he say?

That it's an observatory, sir.

By 1750, these gentlemen had already calculated

how far we are from the sun.

Leon, will you tell the man

I'm more interested in how far I am from Mr Goh.

What's wrong?

Airport!

But we just came from here.

We were here earlier.

This man is as stupid as he is beautiful.

You missed the flight.

- When is the next one? - In a month's time.

I'll be dead by then!

What a nuisance! But it's impossible.

That's not very Hindu!

There are private companies. Use them at your own risk.

Show us!

We're gaining altitude, you should slip on a pullover.

Leon, what's that leak?

Dash it! I shall ask the staff.

Captain, is it normal

for water to be coming on board?

Is that the automatic plot?

Automatic, yes!

- Petrol! - It's petrol, sir!

When do we arrive, Leon?

The pilot says he hasn't got enough momentum.

Don't panic, we still have one wheel left!

- Where are we, Leon? - The airport, sir.

Where are we, Leon?

I'll inquire, sir.

Could you possibly tell us

where exactly we are?

Take our noble guests to Professor Projewaski.

Would this be the Professor Projewaski

who went round the world in a balloon?

- Professor Projewaski? - Himself!

Professor Boris Nikolaich Projewaski.

Arthur Lempereur. You speak French?

Sure. I'm Russian!

You know were the Shouli monastery is?

Not so loud. Follow me.

I've already scoured the region. It's across the Himalayas.

I'll go. Can you take me?

Impossible! They burst my balloon with thousands of darts.

It's the Land of the Gods. Outsiders are not admitted

Those who venture there never return.

We'll walk. We need porters.

Impossible! No Sherpa will go up there.

6,000 metres, avalanches, living goddesses...

yetis!

Yetis! Hear that, sir?

- The slopes are crawling with yetis. - Look!

They're following us.

We need Mr Goh to stop them. Come on!

Sir, I'm with my Sherpa comrades on this one.

I shan't walk another step.

In 3 hours, the nightmare will be over.

Life begins, one of pain and effort.

Take deep breaths, Leon! Can you smell that air?

So what do you think of Alexandrine?

I don't know, sir.

Don't you think she's pretty?

Yes, but personally,

I think that Miss Alice is a delight.

I can go no further. And now night is falling.

- Hear that? - An owl.

- No, the abominable snowman. - A yeti?

The yeti is a kind of large ape that sleeps upright.

Its cry is indeed like that of an owl.

- How do you know? - I read it in the Almanacs.

- Is it man or ape? - It swings between the two.

Heavens!

To walk along that...

- Go on, Leon. - Oh, sir, I couldn't possibly.

It's folly to enter the Land of the Gods.

I shan't go another step!

Sir, I wish to inform you of my one week's notice.

According to my calculations, you owe me...

Leon, this is the time or place?

Oh, I don't like this!

Even as a child I was prone to vertigo.

Vertigo!

Leon... give me your hand!

Leon!

What did you do to my shirts?

For travel purposes, I always pin them together.

I double your salary!

Thank you, sir. I'm sorry, I can no longer hold on...

We're better off here.

You think so? All that linen, ruined!

Come on, let's get moving.

Mr Goh is going to pay for this.

My dear Leon, look at these peaks, the snow, nature!

I never noticed it before.

Take this scarf, sir, you'll catch cold.

Cold? But my heart burns with desire!

- I've never seen you like this. - I'm a new man! Oh, Alexandrine!

Did you feel the texture of her skin?

I'm dealing with the wardrobe.

All you're interested in is brushes and coat hangars!

- Don't sneeze, sir! - Why not?

Because of ava... ava... ava...

Avalanches.

- I'm losing heart, sir! - Stiffen your buttocks.

Don't see how that might help.

We're at the peak, Leon. Take heart!

The heights become you.

I'm slipping!

I'm coming, Leon!

What time is it, Leon?

Tea time. But I've got nothing with me.

I'm not angry with you.

I'm not angry with you either, sir. I know you meant well.

- Leon, look! - That's not easy, sir.

- The Shouli monastery. - Ah, yes.

This is Everest, sir. We can't go any higher.

Mr Goh!

Let's not stay here.

I'll wait for Mr Goh!

The living goddess!

I don't like the look of this, sir.

Drop the ballast!

Drop the ballast! Drop it!

Wait, I'll give you a leg up.

- Push, Leon. - I am doing.

Harder... And mind your manners!

Given the circumstances...

Drop the ballast!

Drop more ballast!

Not much left!

- It's them again! - Who?

- Mr Goh's killers! - We're goners!

- Tough luck, we have no choice. - Hang on!

Hang in there! One last effort and we're there!

Come on.

- Come on! - You'll be fine!

Where are they?

Not me, not me!

Mr Lempereur, we don't want to hurt you!

Then why chase me?

We want to talk to you!

- But you won't listen! - You keep fighting us!

And running far away!

We're here to protect you!

We work for Centenarian!

Your insurance company!

While we're around, nothing can happen to you!

Pulls us back up!

Let me introduce myself, Former Adjutant-Major Cornac.

Sergeant Roquentin.

Veteran of 412 squadron, one of the Adjutant's men.

We're still together.

Why are you in a country we had to help you escape from?

Looking for Mr Goh.

- He never left Hong Kong. - We've got our eye on him.

Is he making fun of me? He sent me right across the world!

- Strange. - No, it's simple.

Mr Goh stands to inherit a million when you die.

- He sends you to a perilous place... - And bingo!

He stayed in Hong Kong.

Let's get back there and put a stop to this!

To Hong Kong!

To the port!

- Give me a hand, Roquentin. - Right away, sir.

Twelve days Arthur has been gone.

And maybe twelve days he's been dead.

And maybe poor Alice is rich.

A million dollars should see us through!

Alice can buy this yacht and we'll sail home via the islands.

Arthur. It's a miracle!

- Have you seen Mr Goh? - Aren't you dead?

Arthur, darling, you look awful!

Why, you old rascal, you!

The boy had us worried sick and yet you're celebrating!

- Any idea where Goh is? - You should know.

Unfortunately not.

You might at least say hello!

Did you notice how sad he looked?

It's awful!

As you said, dear. Awful.

It can't be easy, wanting to die and yet failing.

Give your fiancé a kiss, dear.

Cornelius... I don't understand what's taking Mr Goh so long.

The wait is unbearable... for Arthur, and for us!

Mr Lempereur, I must give you my news.

It's taking so long, I've acquired a family!

The news is...

- Later, Biscotin. - Biscoton!

Mr Goh isn't here... I told you.

Well, if he isn't here... then he's gone somewhere else.

Let's try the massage parlour.

Be quick, I'll wait here.

- Roquentin! - Sorry, chief.

Sorry, chief.

Act natural.

- We found... - No one!

I did... We're being followed.

Where?

- Ever been followed from the front? - Must be behind.

- It's a 1952 Mercedes. - Six-cylinder.

Let's go!

I need to find Goh, and quick.

You, check the bars, you, the hotels.

See you in an hour on Buddha of Hollywood St.

Let's go!

Quit pulling me, quit pulling me!

You clumsy oaf!

Alexandrine Pinardell!

Hello, stranger.

Still being followed? Still insured?

Unfortunately.

No way.

How can I make you see?

Adrian!

- Arthur. - Oh yes, Arthur.

Take that off, I like you as you are!

' Really? ' Yes!

I'll go, I'm putting you in danger.

Still bearing your breasts?

Yes, they feed me!

See you at the ballroom later.

- I'll have everything sorted! - Sure you will.

Ah, Mr Lempereur!

Shh! What?

You were right.

What I like about religion is the incense.

- This one's particularly scented. - So?

It helps the embalmed soul to rise more easily to God.

No, tell me about Mr Goh!

- He's croquetting. - Croquetting?

Playing croquet.

At a British club, downtown.

A British club, downtown...

Mr Goh.

Mr Goh!

Is this your Himalayan retreat?

But Mr Goh, it's me!

Arthur, one should not chat during a game.

Well, I'm not playing!

You've become very tense. Is there any explanation for that?

Any reason? No more jokes!

I want to live. I'm cancelling our agreement.

Good, you've finally understood.

Life is delightful when one almost loses it.

Allow me to own up.

All these adventures exist only here, in your imagination.

I've made you see sense and banished boredom.

You feel afraid, alive. You're out of danger.

Did you think that I, your friend, would have you killed?

Life is invaluable!

Women, birds, poets, glacé fruit...

Remember what I told you.

You were lacking the thorn among the roses.

So hanging by your shirt sleeves over a raging torrent

and being chased by yetis at 6,000 metres is a thorn?

And the gunfire was hilarious!

You were shot at? By whom?

Be done with it.

The boy is at his wits' end and Mr Goh is useless!

You can't miss. Are you a man or not?

What a question, Suzy!

What I mean is... are you manly?

Well, you tell me!

I meant Arthur! A real man should be able to kill his friend if asked.

He didn't ask me to.

Arthur wants to die, Alice will be rich.

I'd do anything for you.

Too late! Come on, hurry.

It's all very well but someone's firing at me.

And I'm fed up of it!

Oh, life is beautiful. It smells of roses.

It has beautiful breasts.

Its name is Alexandrine.

If you could see her knees, her elbows...

Taxi!

Taxi! Quick, and step on it!

- Chief, I've lost my shoe! - I don't wish to know!

Chief, I can't tail someone without a shoe...

- Stay calm. - I am very calm.

Doesn't sound like it. Driver, faster!

You know what to do, OK? We overtake... and you fire!

Driver, get closer!

Now, now... now!

- Fire! - No, I can't.

Then I will.

Poor child. I've got him!

Anyone hurt?

How about you? I'm used to it!

It was them firing at me! Taxi!

- They looked familiar. - Two Chinese!

The behatted Mandarin and moustachioed Chinese.

Step on it!

- Recognise them now? - Sure.

The two Chinese!

Fire!

My hat! Stop!

I lost my hat!

I'm beset by idiots!

I'm nothing without my hat.

Catch them or I'll give you what for! Now fire!

I found my shoe.

My gun, I lost my gun!

You really are totally useless. Worse, you're an amateur!

Sure, I'm no professional killer.

Then I'll find one!

What? Where?

Sey Chang, home of the King of the Underworld!

- Who? - Charlie Fallinster.

Charlie Fallinster!

Indeed!

There he is!

Yes, there!

Follow that sampan!

Sorry.

Wait for us!

- The sea's risen. - Or the ladder's dropped.

And who among us can tell

When I will see him again...

Fancy knitting with us?

- What's all this? - I'm knitting.

- A thug came aboard! - Me? I was watching the pier.

- Why? - To see who was following me.

- So you left the boat? - No! I just went ashore...

- You're a lousy liar! - No!

Admit it!

I'm a criminal. Suzy wanted to do you a favour but I couldn't.

What, kill me?

It's all arranged, she's found someone.

- Where is she? - Charlie Fallinster's.

Quick, we must catch her before it's too late!

- Where are you going? - Charlie Fallinster's.

Charlie Fallinster? The Al Capone of the southern seas?

Gentlemen.

Well, lil' ma'am?

It's about my son-in-law-to-be.

Or not to-be, since you're going to...

Arthur Lempereur is worth $2 million.

Fifty-fifty... ma'am.

What!

- An equal share? - I said fifty-fifty.

An equal share for a simple job?

Sign here, ma'am.

Sign, I said!

Lil' ma'am.

When will this be done? We have only 3 days.

On January 1st, the policy...

A walking corpse!

Who's this?

Noidea.

We'll ask around.

The natives.

Sir!

Excuse me, sir.

Could you tell me...?

Alright, cut it out.

What are we moaning about? Everything's fine.

The weather's great and the Orient has its charms.

Have you noticed the slanting eyes?

Don't worry, it's just an ad. This man is overworked.

He needs to take Charlie Fallinster pills.

It's weird though, whoever posed for the ad...

...looks like you.

I think sir needs a change of appearance.

Moustache.

Let's board, gentlemen.

- Who's the moustachioed guy? - Me.

Where's Mr Lempereur?

Idiots! You just need to hide out three more days till January 1st.

Three days?

I'm on the lookout.

No one will get near you!

- With us around... - You'll be fine.

We'll protect you, Arthur!

My father was from the coast, so I've always been a good sailor...

Excuse me ladies, duty calls.

Sir? Sir!

Leon.

Le-on!

The contraption is ours, sir.

Where would sir like to go?

It has to be the Ballroom.

Ah, Miss Alexandrine Pinardell.

I'm given to thinking about her too.

A decent girl.

Anyway, Leon, are we far away?

One is always far from those one loves, sir.

I remember serving under Admiral Pierette.

I was in love with a lady of colour and...

We're here, sir. I'll tell you the rest later.

It's rather witty!

- Can I come out? - One moment, sir.

- Quit yelling! - Am I being tactless?

- So, is there anyone around? - No, I'll let you out.

Arthur! It's been a while.

Quick, hide me!

- Still being chased? - Behind the door.

Yeah, whatever.

Don't you believe me?

I've understood that you're very shy.

But don't make such a fuss.

If you love me, say so, and I'll think about it.

I need to escape. They're breaking down the door!

Too high!

Brutes! Savages! Pigs!

Attack a well brought-up girl, would you?

You beasts! Bastards!

No!

- Music! You're on Alexandrine! - Yes, sir.

And now, Alexandrine Pinardell,

from the Gay Paris striptease!

Arthur!

Arthur!

Sir! Miss!

Come on!

What the...? Leon!

We didn't mean to steal anything!

- But we're safe here. - In jail? I have my dignity.

Yes, Commissioner! The theft was my idea.

And I'd do it again if I had to!

Down with foreigners!

- Sony - Hey, you, cut that out!

Alexandrine, relax, in three days, it'll all be over.

Should I tuck your sheets in, sir?

Be a good boy, Leon, slip into the bed and disappear.

- I understand, sir. - Sure you do.

Walk up and down. Get angry.

You're beautiful. I couldn't be happier.

- You're not sorry? - About what?

You're not ashamed to throw a girl in prison to tell her you love her?

Me, in jail! And I was raised by nuns.

I always dreamed of a night in prison.

Can you smell

the hint of mildew?

The odour of fungus and saltpeter?

To think I've lived amid mahogany...

If these bars weren't here...

I'd give your rear end a good kicking!

Your legs are gorgeous.

Never mind my legs.

I know you have other qualities.

Drunk! Hangs around nightclubs and treats girls like floozies!

Now listen, Alexandrine Pinardell.

I've never been happier than tonight. For yesterday, tonight and tomorrow,

I thank you.

Thank me for what?

For existing.

I bid you good night, sir.

Centenarian is happy to stand bail to have Mr Lempereur's released.

Mr Lempereur!

- You're free! - We've put up bail.

- It's the least we could do. - But I don't want to be released!

Fools, now my life's in danger again! Run, I'll go back to jail.

Doe me a favour, let me back in.

You idiot! Yes!

If sir would be so kind...

- We lost the Sidecar! - Stop!

Another design defect.

- Stop, you blighter! - Yes, quick, quick!

Cover the rear.

All repaired, let's go!

- Now I can breathe. - Good times!

Roquentin, follow me.

Coming, chief!

Cover the right.

- All done, chief. - Ready, on my order... fire!

- Do they want to hurt you? - Looks like it.

Sir, I have an idea.

A pillbox!

- Push me, Leon. - OK, miss!

- No, don't touch me! - OK, miss!

I swallowed the pin!

He swallowed it.

Mr Lempereur, he swallowed the pin!

A gun. Get in position!

Backsight: 150

Load!

Ready?

Fire!

No, I said 150 for the backsight.

- Well, sorry... - Load!

Ready? Fire!

Colonial era. Past its use-by date.

- What are they saying? - "Surrender".

We shall never surrender!

Hey, an underground passage.

What a godsend.

- Strategic withdrawal. - Elastic defence.

Run!

- Who touched my behind? - Not me, I'm ahead of you.

I'm ahead of sir.

Not us!

Watch it, Centenarians, you're not my type.

- That was you, right, chief? - No, I never touched her!

- I know you! - Well, I know you too.

I won't stay here another minute. We need to get out.

Leave it to me. I know the way.

A junk is prepared to take us. Come on!

Sir, I haven't slept a wink and I've noticed things.

What?

Come with me. And act casual.

There, in the owner's cabin.

Ironically, this boat belongs to Fallinster, the man we're fleeing.

And that's not all. Come...

Look.

See? How many of us are there?

- Five. - And how many coffins are there?

One each.

And there's more.

Sniff.

Opium!

So we're in the hands of pirates.

I picked this boat because Fallinster will never look for you here.

Alexandrine, you're amazing.

I always knew it.

Tear this shirt into strips.

Roquentin, make a hole there.

Cornac... here. Leon, get this scuttle open.

Of course, sir.

Cornac, fetch that barrel.

We've sprung a leak!

The imbecile! Help him.

He's made a hole below the waterline but I know what to do.

There. Now we just turn the tap off.

- Make a hole in the ceiling. - OK...

- Not the beam, the ceiling! - The ceiling.

- Use the drill bit! - Here it is.

In the ceiling.

- You're turning the wrong way! - Sony

- Take it easy. - I'm through!

Cornac, light a fire.

Do this... cover your nose and mouth.

Ready?

Right, I'm burning the opium.

- Oh, this is a dream trip! - Don't breathe!

Quick, I'm becoming dopey.

What was that noise? Alexandrine, you're here.

Leon!

Yes, Alice, my dear.

- Why are you calling me Alice? - Did I say something?

Cornac! Roquentin!

The military is underpinned by discipline.

Soldiers must live at the expense of he who listens.

- Where am I? - In my arms, fear not!

- Everything's against us. - We're done for!

Arthur... Arthur?

Arthur, you're not dead...

What's wrong with him?

I'll try mouth-to-mouth.

Again!

Are you done purring?

Alexandrine!

You scared me, I thought you'd drowned.

I'm as good as.

You tricked me and stole a kiss!

It's true... I did steal a kiss.

Don't steal, ask!

I'd have given you a thousand if you'd asked honestly.

Come and get it!

- I love you, Alexandrine. - Drink.

That tickles!

Sea...

Sun...

A tree...

A boat on the horizon!

It was so nice alone. Who is it?

Cornac and Roquentin. Let's get away!

Race you to the end of the beach!

I win!

Cheat!

- Think he saw us? - I hope so.

- Mr Lempereur, we're saved. - Look!

- I bet you've been spotted! - We didn't want to miss it.

- Run and hide. - But they're rescuing us!

- A whole squadron for four of us? - Very dodgy.

- It's Fallinster! - Let's warn Mr Lempereur...

- Wait for us! - It's Fallinster!

Run, Arthur, they won't harm me.

- You can rest. - No, go further.

We've lost them. Someone here will to take us in.

Requisition a house!

Civilians, out! You rogues!

Out with you!

Hands up!

Where do they think they are?

Excuse them.

Girl... broken foot... sleep...

eat...

It'll all be over soon, Alexandrine, and we'll be happy.

We'll forget about this stupid contract.

Wake up, we're surrounded! Take care of Alexandrine.

- What time is it? - Midnight.

Happy New Year, Mr Lempereur!

- Later! - It's January 1st.

So?

Centenary is no longer responsible.

- Our contract has expired. - Good luck!

- See you around! - My regards, Miss Pinardell.

The contract has ended!

The contract is over!

But Mr Lempereur is worthless to you now!

It's January 1st!

Unbelievable! Show the white flag.

Come on.

Contract finished!

- Is your foot OK? - Fine.

Then follow me.

We're out of gas!

Look!

We've had it this time, Alexandrine. We can't land.

Yoo-hoo, Mr Arthur!

Leon!

And how are you?

- Sorry? - I asked how you were!

Bad, we're out of gas!

Then land!

We can't!

Don't worry, we'll come for you!

You go first, I'll hold the plane steady.

Closer!

Lower!

You're there!

Forgive me, Miss Pinardell!

Your turn, sir!

Cornelius, you saved my life. Thank you!

- Leon, your wish is my command. - I'd like your fiancée's hand, sir!

Are you crazy?

No, I didn't mean Miss Pinardell!

I meant Alice.

Oh, you can have Alice. She's all yours!

Put it there, son-in-law!

Have you persuaded Suzy?

No, but I will.

Leon and my daughter? Never!

Suzy, shut up. From now on, you do as I tell you.

Cornelius, why have you never spoken to me like that before?

Ready, everyone... don't move...

Thank you.

- It's easy to be happy. We'll work! - No, not work!

Out of the question!

Why?

This time, I'm going to give you the news.

I can't stay here, with all these mouths to feed...

Oh, lay off, Biscoton!

It's "coton" as in... No, you're right.

The news is, I was misinformed. You're not broke, you're rich!

Richer than you've ever been. Fabulously wealthy!

Poor Arthur, look at your face!

What's wrong?

Nothing.