Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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Excuse me, miss. Is everything all right?

Oh, yes, Mr. Dowling.

I'm just taking notes on your circa 1970's corner sink

and the silver hardware on your tiddly-widdly.

- Swimmer? Is she? - Swimmer. Yeah.

Yes! She looks like it.

- Shoulders. - Yes.

- Classic. - Oh!

- Oh, she was a beautiful dog. - Oh, yeah.

Oh!

"Storms make trees take deeper roots."

Oh, it's just a little Dolly Parton saying that I find helpful.

- Oh, thank you. - Yeah.

What, so the roots nestle in?

Yeah, like, um... you know?

- And the trunk thickens up? - Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I like that.

Ooh, um...

You've got a lovely two-bed, one-bath, one car time warp

and I have valued it highly.

So you will definitely get your refinancing for your family.

- Thank you. - Look, I've gotta go. I'm just...

I've got a big office party tonight,

and I've gotta get dolled up and, you know...

But thank you so much for sharing your life story.

It was my whole life story.

- It really was. Yep. - It's cathartic, sharing.

Franny, I'm gonna have to meet you in there.

I've only just finished my last valuation.

It's dress up. You know you've got to dress up?

I know. Yeah, I know, I know.

- Well, who are you coming as? - Who do you think?

- Are you okay, red? - Well, just... I can't run.

My fitness is just not up there.

Whoopsie!

- Hello, Dolly. - G'day.

Francis?

I'm gonna kill you.

I don't wanna be a joke, franny.

I wanna be taken seriously, for swear word's sake!

I can't get anywhere when I look ridiculous.

Okay, well, the outfit doesn't help that.

- Oh, come on red, loosen up. - Don't tell me to loosen up.

I am loose! I am loose! I hate you right now.

Well, do you wanna sneak out of here?

- Well, I'm not a coward. - Okay, so what are we doing?

Come on.

How do you feel?

Well...

Before you killed me,

I was feeling like a, you know,

frothy, talented, successful Dolly Parton.

Okay, everybody, everybody!

Welcome to the Presley property awards.

And first up, our very special guest,

the king himself, Elvis!

J“ return to sender j“

j“ return to sender j“

j“ I gave a letter to the postman j“

j“ he put it in his sack j“

j“ bright and early next morning j“

j“ he brought my letter back j“

j“ she wrote upon it j“

j“ return to sender j“

j“ address unknown j“

j“ no such numberj'

j“ no such zone j“

j“ and if it comes back the very next day j“

j“ then I'll understand j“

j“ for writing on it j“

j“ return to sender j“

yeah. Yeah!

J“ address unknown j“

j“ no such numberj'

j“ no such zone... j“

the most outstanding valuer is... Lionel!

Whoo!

Thank you. Thank you.

- I'm gonna get that next year. - Mm-hmm.

And the last award tonight is a crowd-pleaser. Bit of fun.

She's had a wobbly start to the job

but I'm excited to announce the office clown award goes to...

Raylene "red" Delaney.

I didn't know about this bit.

And tonight, she didn't disappoint.

Oh, hello!

- Didn't want that one! - Taxi!

Um...

It's my first award, ever.

And I would like to thank my mom for giving me this clown head.

J“ Jolene, Jolene j“

J“ Jolene, Jolene... j“

Well... There are two kinds of people.

Those who know how to have a good time...

And those who are willin' to learn.

For the second group, let me introduce myself.

My name is Dolly and I'm your teacher.

Yee-ha!

I'd like to invite

our esteemed boss, Forbes Presley,

up onto the dance floor with his beautiful wife.

- Come on! - Come on.

I'd like to sing a little somethin' for you.

J“ tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen j“

j“ pour myself a cup of ambition j“

j“ and yawn and stretch and trying to get my fix j“

j“ jump in the shower and the blood starts pumpin' j“

j“ out on the street the traffic starts jumpin' j“

j“ and folks like me on the job from eight-thirty 'til six! J"

j“ workin' nine to five, what a way to make a livin' j“

j“ barely gettin' by j“

j“ it's all takin' and no givin' j“

j“ they just use your mind j“

j“ and they never give you credit j“

j“ it's enough to drive you j“

j“ crazy if you let it j“

j“ nine to five j”

j“ well, they've got you where they want you j“

j“ there's a better life j“

j“ and you think about it, don't you j“

j“ it's a rich man's game j“

j“ no matter what they call it j“

j“ and you spend your life j“

j“ putting money in his wallet j“

Kenny Rogers.

He's our most successful client.

We're gearing up for his Australasia tour.

Twin palms theatre, Hong Kong, et cetera.

Oh, twin palms? My mom loves that theatre. It's pretty impressive.

Well, if his show sells out, we'll go to the usa, which I'm gunning for.

Oh, yeah.

How long you been performing Dolly?

Oh, no. Golly, no.

Just mucking around. But, um...

- Tonight was just an unfortunate mistake. - Yeah, right.

Well, it took guts, especially with those people.

It's the bland leading the bland in there.

No offense.

I thought you did all right.

Cheers.

I'd watch that one.

Kenny's performing at the tamworth country music festival.

You should come.

- Oh, no. - Bring Dolly.

You know, only if you like being an unfortunate mistake.

Good night.

Welcome to my own little Tennessee cabin.

Oh, come on, baby. Come on.

Come on.

Okay.

- Darling Dolly... - Yeah?

- You're a straight-up fantasy. - Oh... okay.

I gotta be honest with ya, Dolly.

- I hate these orange pants. - Oh.

Take them off, you'd be close to perfection.

- Yeah, okay. - Uh, shh, shh!

As Dolly.

Oh, howdy doody.

Well, my pants are comin' off.

Bathroom. Back in a sec.

Raylene! Not on my beautiful grass!

Who is that?

Elvis Presley.

Oh, it was that good, was it?

Mom, please stop looking me out.

It's one o'clock in the morning.

You chose to live in the garage.

Bloody ridiculous.

There are two kinds of people.

Those who know how to have a good time...

And those who are just trying.

Put your gown on.

Nothing wrong with being comfortable in your skin, darling.

Au nature/le.

Just wish I looked a little bit more professional.

You are a beautiful sunburnt mushroom.

Um, thanks, mom.

It's not what I'm going for, but... thanks.

Hurry up!

You're late. Hopeless.

I mean, look at her.

All that nylon, it'll make your snatch sick.

Oh, come on.

Well, they say natural perfection isn't everything.

Perfection is a bitch, and do we have to be beautiful?

Because it's not easy and it's not my preference.

Could I get a word, Raylene?

Yes, you may.

Just get my cup of ambition.

- So? - Who do you remind me of?

Scarlett Johansson.

- No. - Hmm.

Raylene, I...

I have grounds to fire you for sexual harassment.

Sorry?

Sexual harassment.

- 'Cause I was touching crotches? - Many.

#metoo. Too many crotches.

I'm sorry. I've got this impulse-control problem.

No, it's not just about last night, Raylene.

Your behavior has been inappropriate prior to last night, also.

Listen, you're not bad at putting a value on a property.

It's just the whole rest of the job that... you're a mess.

You know, in business, you need to need to be a shiny,

professional house-and-land package, and you're like a...

- Converted garage? - Yes.

Honestly, you don't really fit in in any office, red.

I mean, you're late every single day.

You lost your driver's license when half the job is driving,

and you had whiskey with that little old lady at the auction.

But she was so lonely! She hadn't spoken to anyone in two weeks!

If you wanna stay here, you need to shut down.

- Shut myself down? - Mm-hmm. Yep.

Tuck yourself in.

Okay, it's too much copper, which is why we're red,

and why we're highly charged and why we bleed lots.

It's like bed them, or Bury them alive is what the ancient Egyptians used to do.

I don't care about your hair, red.

Please, Forbes.

I can fit in.

And I can tuck in. I can tuck right in

- and I'd never bring up the size of... - You're fired.

You're like the love child of Mick hucknall and Ronald McDonald,

if they banged.

- I quit. - Excuse me?

This is a circus and you're the freak.

You can't fire me, because I quit!

Shit.

Ooh! Ooh, shit! Oh!

Tuck that shit in!

J“ Omaha honey had a hold on a hell of a thing j“

j“ down in a hollo, every evening you can hear her sing j“

j“ she said funky, but showed me the Tulsa turnaround j“

j“ stepped on my toes, turned me on and turned me down j“

j“ fit me like a hand in a glove j“

- j“ taught me how to love, y'all j“ - I love you!

Come back over! I love you!

This one. This one's for Trudy.

And this one too!

Dolly, where do I start?

I mean, she's old school, but she's new school relevant.

She's funny and successful and smart and talented,

but she's heartbreaking and she's a poet.

But she knows who she is, you know? She's just like that...

Little bit of hope holding up humanity.

- Well, at least, my humanity. - Mm-hmm.

Why are you teeth?

- Real name's Annie. - Huh.

But I got my nickname 'cause I had a set of teeth growing in my ovaries.

- Every time. - What?!

Hey, we're casting for a new Dolly at the moment for Kenny's show,

to boost his image and ticket sales.

And I'm submitting you as my number one.

- What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - There's a Dolly stand-up gig on tonight.

Yeah. Come on.

It's gonna be a tough crowd. Let's see what you're made of.

Oh, wow!

All right.

Makeup's a little extra. Thanks, tay—tay, you squeaky mouse.

You said do my best. Best.

Oh, no. Oh, no, is it too much?

- Is it too much? - No, it's-it's-it's fine.

It's fine. We don't have time.

Plus, Kenny's here.

Don't worry. You don't have to sing, just banter.

I don't think this is such a good idea. I feel car sick.

No, no, listen. Come on, remember.

It's about the audience and their nostalgia, right?

It is more about them and less about you.

- Okay. - Yeah? Like you did at that office party.

Unless you want to go back to a boring 9-to-5?

- I really don't. I really don't. - No, 'cause you'd neck yourself,

- and I'd probably help you. Now... - Thank you.

- Thanks. - Let me look at you.

Well, mate, you're a beautiful hot mess.

But the time is now.

Pony up.

- You can do it. - Attagirl!

Welcome, Dolly!

Best of luck.

Howdy.

I've gotta be honest, this is my first time properly.

We'll be gentle!

Howdy, Dolly!

Well, look at you all.

Thanks, doll. We'd rather be looked at than overlooked.

Well, I really...

I really patterned my look from a serious place.

From a country girl's idea of glamour after what they call the town tramp.

In a country town, a mountain town, there's always a few loose women.

That's me!

And she had this beautiful peroxide hair piled on her head,

red nails, high heeled shoes

and I just thought she was the prettiest thing that I've ever seen.

But my mama, she said that she ain't nothin' but trash.

And I thought, "that's what I wanna be, mama. I wanna be trash!"

Opinionated mamas, we've all got 'em, burning in our ears.

But thank you so much for listening, boys.

One piece of advice: Always act like it's raining and wear your rubbers.

Thank you and good night!

- Doll. - Hey!

I may look like a man, but inside I'm a lady.

Hey, you did pretty good.

Hey, who's that guy with Kenny?

He looks like Neil diamond.

That's my boss, Wilson stone. He runs genuine copy management.

- I didn't wanna freak you out. - I freaked anyway. I mean, I freaked!

No, but you were fine.

I gotta get Kenny back to the hotel, but make sure you call me.

- I'll call you. Thanks. - You did well.

I need a drink.

Hey, franny, I'm staying at this motel

with this huge golden guitar...

- Hey! - Evening, Dolly.

This huge golden guitar at the front

and I just performed as Dolly, but I didn't touch any crotches.

And I've got this new friend who grew teeth in her ovaries.

Okay. See ya, bye!

Come in.

Buddy! You get fired from work,

you're five hours out of town with a woman with teeth in her vagina.

Call me crazy, but terror ran through my brain.

You're a silly Billy Willy villy.

- Get up. - Help me.

Oh, yeah, that's good. That's good.

- Come on, red, get in the shower. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my feet!

This drag queen had the prettiest boob job.

- Do not get bolt-onsl - I'm just saying!

I'm just saying. What a professional!

- I smell Sunday roast chicken! - It's hormone-free!

Can't have my men growing breasts.

- Red. - Hey, gramps.

Ooh, bathroom!

Where have you been?

Francis' couch.

Just 'cause you're old enough, doesn't mean...

That I stop being your mom!

Oh, franny, did you win that award, darling? I forgot to ask.

- Nope. - Maybe next year.

- Or red might even get the award. - I will!

You got fired.

You got fired? Again?

I didn't. Mom, calm down.

Well, it's not exactly soothing information.

It's nothing. It's just a career glitch.

Oh, sorry, red quit.

- She quit. - You got fired and quit?

But in the same day? Well, that's new.

You know, in all my career, I have never lost a job.

I've always been a high achiever.

I've had rounds of ivf and then being a single mom.

Very creative.

I've managed to have my cake,

decorate it and eat it, so to speak.

I just boggle at you.

I know!

You can work with me at the royal blind society.

You could move back in here, we can rent out the garage...

Mom, I'm not moving back in here.

- I'm perfectly capable myself. - Are you?

'Cause I'd say it's been quite the journey so far.

What are you going to do?

Well, I'll tell ya, she is...

She's gonna tell you that franny and I are dating.

- See? Partner, mom. Ticked that box. - Oh! Oh...

That's the news to focus on.

Oh, my darlings!

- Where are you going? - Obviously, to yours.

I just need a frickin' minute.

Just a minute to work out me and my career thing without everyone's 50 cents.

So Dolly... is moving in with you.

She's bright.

She's bubbly.

Real fonnard.

Nipples to the sky.

And be confident.

Three bras does the trick.

Hello, Kenny, my name is Dolly.

Kenny, you're so hot.

I will always love you.

Oh, man, she's so hard! Dolly's so hard!

I'll love you too, if you keep your ass so tight.

Should've gone with Britney Spears or something.

Cool bowie!

So teeth is taking me to this secret club,

and, hopefully I'll win over her boss somehow,

and he'll take me on as Kenny's Dolly.

Okay, so just a reminder that your track record with bosses or any authority ever

is not great, so try and be a bit more Dolly and less red, when negotiating.

Or even charming him.

'Cause you're gonna need cash to pay off the credit debt you just cranked up.

Yeah, well, big stars of the copy world make good coin.

This isn't a game to me. This is business.

Franny, can you help me? I can't do anything with these nails.

Well, just...

Hang on.

My name is Dolly. Ain't you cute? Ain't you sweet?

- Is this right? - Ain't you it? Okay, do it up.

Hurry, franny! Come on, I'm running late!

- And I got it. - Okay. How do I look?

Ain't you a squeezy bag of peaches?

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm late.

You have to knock that out of you, mate,

'cause my time is no less valuable than yours, all right?

And ease up on the "sorries."

Dolly would do one tough "sorry" and that's it.

Sorry.

- Ready to be Dolly? - Yeah.

- That wig is so much better. - Thank you.

You get one shot with Wilson so don't mess it up.

Okay.

It's cocktail hour with the one and only,

Ms. Ton veese!

I told you, I've got a Streisand back in the states.

I don't need another, darling.

Sorry to interrupt. Dolly, this is Wilson.

Wilson, Dolly performed in tamworth, remember, in drag?

Take me back to Vegas with you, Neil diamond.

Always with a kiss.

"I will always love you."

Really?

Good move not selling that song to Elvis, making a packet with Whitney Houston.

Ladies and gentlemen, keep that applause going

for your favorite master of ceremonies,

the one, the only, Elvis!

Come on, baby.

Come on.

Isn't she a sweetie? Ms. Ton veese!

Can I have another round of applause for her, please?

Oh, hello!

Norma Jean.

Later.

We got a fabulous show for you here tonight.

We're gonna be following up with lady gaga.

And miss Amy winehouse, so please hang on to your drinks, your wigs.

- One time. - We're gonna have a great time tonight.

Going to the ladies.

Hey, Wilson! How's it going?

J“ touch a man who can't walk upright j“

j“ and that lame man he gonna fly j“

j“andlflyj“

j“ yeah j“

j“andlflyj“

j“ Holly holy... j“

shit!

You sound amazing.

- I was trying... - I'm a woman.

- Not a drag act. - Good for you.

I'll tell Kenny. He was wondering.

I want to make a living doing this.

You and every other tribute performer. Doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Give me a chance!

Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned chance?

They got phased out in the '80s.

I have genuine copies, not copies of copies.

Do you breathe, sleep and eat Dolly?

It's hard work, okay?

From every small, demeaning gig to the biggest venues.

And you strike me as someone who doesn't stick to things, right?

Yeah, I thought so.

This is where I belong.

I feel at home here. This is what I'm supposed to be doing.

I mean, I've idolized Dolly since I was a kid.

Please, Wilson.

- Man, please! - Hey!

Dolly don't beg.

No begging. I'm sorry. No sorries.

No sorries, no beggin'.

I would've been tall if I didn't get bunched up at the top.

J“ baby, I'm burnin', outta control j“

j“ baby, I'm burnin', body and soul j“

You're weird enough, I'll give you that.

We need more dollies in the world.

Listen to me.

I've got someone else in mind for Kenny's tour, but...

I like the '80s, so I'm gonna throw you a bone.

Show me what you're made of.

Hey, I grabbed your favorite power juice.

Did I tell you I saw Katy Perry making out with Katy Perry?

Well, I wanna see the katies.

Not until I'm a pro, and not at the club,

'cause you're not a copy, or a manager, or a celebrity.

Yeah. You wouldn't fit in.

These people are so wonderfully unique.

Can you try and keep Dolly tucked into just one corner of the house?

- Don't wait up! - You're welcome.

So if you just stick to the script, yeah?

Honoring the incredible work of iconic Australian actor Jack Thompson,

then you sing your Jack song

- and then you're off. - Yeah.

George, the Minogue sisters are stuck together.

Hang on, dannii.

If I pull down and you pull sideways, it might work.

Kylie and dannii were supposed to do a spot with Elvis and introduce Dolly.

Dolly, you buffer with Elvis. Remember, banter is your forte.

No, no, I can't do that. I can't improvise.

- Yes. Yes, you can. - I have to prepare.

- Let's go. - What do I say?

Now you two, I'm gonna push you out.

There's gonna be a lot of people coming through here.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you very much.

Who's wearing a wig tonight? Who's wearing a wig?

Oh, Madonna darlin', you look so pretty there.

I'm just not so sure about your hair.

You take it down, you'd be close to perfect.

May I come down there and give you a kiss, ma'am?

Thank you, ma'am. Thank you.

You've got to improvise Dolly. You've got this.

Damn straight I do.

Why, howdy, Elvis?

Ladies and gents. Dollars and cents.

- Hello, Dolly, look at you. - Please do.

- I'd rather be looked at than overlooked. - Ooh!

Madonna, don't listen to Elvis.

I don't like to be like everybody else.

That's the easiest thing in the world to do.

Love you, Dolly!

But you ain't the real deal now, are you, Dolly?

Nothin' real about me, but my heart.

I've seen you perform.

I ain't so sure.

I've seen you perform, too, Elvis.

That's right.

All men come back for an encore and a standing ovation,

but you weren't even standing.

Thank you very much, Dolly. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Miss Dolly Parton here.

- Thank you very much. - Has he left the building yet?

I'm just kiddin'. Isn't he a sweetie, ladies and gentlemen?

Now, we've got a very special guest here tonight,

and I've got a little song for my friend, Jack.

J“ play a song for me, apple Jack, apple Jack j“

j“ play a song for me and I'll sing j“

j“ play a song for me, apple Jack, apple Jack j“

j“play a song, let your banjo ring j“

all right, the guest spot in Kenny's show,

starting with five appearances at the orchard oriental.

My cut is 35%.

- Twenty. - Thirty.

Done, with a cut of the merch.

We don't have merch but, you know what? Actually, that's a very good idea.

Okay, what do you think?

Dolly says,

You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try.

All right, Dolly, pack your bags.

Sunday, you're going to Hong Kong, baby.

Yeah!

Watch the bar. Watch the bar!

Are you gonna come out of the closet to viv before you fly?

Franny, don't take the piss. I'm nervous enough as it is.

Come on, this is one bed, one bath.

I'm busting my ass right now.

Old self has gone.

I've torn down the fibro, chucked out the asbestos

and the new brick has gone up.

I'm a better house. Not ready to be appraised just yet.

Hong Kong is a big deal. They're going to start paying me well.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying! It's a professional job.

You can stop covering up. Viv will be proud.

Do you think she might be mildly proud?

It's a great mother's day gift.

Hmm...

She does love her garden more than she loves me.

That could be true.

Oh, franny, don't.

Well, I've got some news.

Oh, here we go. Brace for it.

- I've got some news, too. - Hmm?

But you go first. Go on.

I sold one of my macramé thingies to a lady at work!

Congrats, mom. Is she blind?

Well, yes.

And...

I've started online dating.

- Whoa.

Must be two decades since you...

Okay, dad. Thanks.

Yes, I'm pretty proud of myself.

Very modern of me.

Well, my news, also modern...

- Job. - Oh, fabulous!

Oh, I couldn't bear another embarrassing career song and dance.

I'm a Dolly Parton impersonator.

Okay, I mean, we all know how much you love her,

but people are gonna pay to see you do that, are they?

Yes!

As much as people pay for your cock'n'ball thingoes.

I manage to be normal, thank you, darling,

while you're off on some wild, sequined goose chase

that isn't going to end well.

They're flying me to Hong Kong tonight for a gig

with the world's best Kenny Rogers impersonator.

And we're performing at this really posh hotel for a whole week!

Much to your surprise, mom, I'm not an idiot

and it will end well if it kills me. Dolly or dead!

So... end of discussion.

You're enough.

This'll probably be your last job. You'll never work again.

You're enough. You're gonna be fine.

- Starting! - I'm farting too, constantly.

Must be the plane food.

What? I said starting!

Oh golly, golly, golly! I wish we had more time to prepare.

J“ you gotta know when to hold em j“

j“ know when to fold em j“

j“ know when to walk away j“

j“ know when to run j“

j“ you never count your money j“

j“ when you're sittin' at the table j“

j“ they'll be time enough for countin' j“

j“ when the dealin's done. J“

I gotta tell you, folks, this next song is one of my all-time favorites.

- Might be singing it by himself. - God, Kenny.

I promised you a surprise.

Oh, no, no!

Oh, I'm such an idiot.

Faroufl

j“ baby, when I met you there was peace unknown j“

- there she is. - Hey. Okay.

- What happened? - It's fine.

- It's not fine. - It's not fine. Where are you other wigs?

- In my dressing room. - Jeez, well, we don't have time...

- Go. Go! - It's fine. It's fine.

- I know. - It's not fine. You look crazy.

- Okay. - Look, just get it together, okay?

- Okay. Okay. - Remember to hold his hand.

- Hold his hand. - Be Dolly.

J“ you do somethin' to me that I can't explain j“

j“ hold me closer and I feel no pain j“

j“ now there's do, do, do, do, do, do, do, dup, do, do... j“

j“ tender love is blind j“

j“ it requires a dedication j“

- smile and get it together now. - This sexy man makes a girl speechless.

J“ we can ride it together, ah-ha j“

j“ making love with each other, ah-ha j“

J“ islands in the stream j“

j“ that is what we are j“

j“ no one in between j“

j“ how can we be wrong j“

- a stream is a small body of water. - I know.

There's no way an island fits in a stream.

I know.

J“ and we rely on each other, ah-ha j“

j“ from one lover to another, ah-ha. J“

Thank you very much. You have been a wonderful audience!

Thank you very much!

And thank you too the divine Dolly Parton.

Well, thank you for havin' me, Kenny.

Shall we sing it one more time?

What do you say, folks? Let-let-let's sing it one more time.

Hey, Dolly, my little star, get back up here!

- Come on! - Okay.

Enunciate. Okay.

J“ islands in the stream j“

j“ that is what we are j“

j“ no one in between j“

j“ how can we be wrong? J“

j“ sail away with me j“

j“ to another world j“

j“ and we rely on each other, ah-ha j“

j“ from one lover to another, ah-ha. J“

I'm laying there, covered in makeup.

- Glitter on my face... - Glitter?

And I hear...

In walks Wilson,

Mr. Kenny Rogers himself, and he says:

"Well, you do me better than I do me."

I'd love that. I'd love that.

And then he goes...

"'World's best'.

You keep the dream alive, boy."

Well, his...

His music touched me deeply when I was growing up.

Mm-hmm.

And I looked like him.

- And he chose me. - Mm-hmm.

It's been my clear callin' all of my life.

Well, now he's gone, it's just me and, uh...

Dolly.

- Oh, Dolly. - Oh, Kenny.

Get em off. Get em off.

Oh, Kenny!

Oh, Kenny!

- Oh, Dolly. - Oh, Kenny!

Oh, Dolly! Oh, Dolly!

Oh, Dolly!

- Oh, Dolly! - Oh, Kenny!

I've got presents!

I'm so sorry I didn't call, franwa.

It's just Hong Kong was just full on, but it was amazing.

This Kenny Rogers impersonator is such a professional.

What's his name?

Um, coincidentally, it's Kenny.

His name is Kenny?

Did you two get it on?

- Mm... - Good for you, mate.

At least one of us is getting laid.

Bring him to Sunday roast, so we can all judge him.

- Mm... - I'm kidding.

Let's not jump ahead, franny. But he does bring out the best in me.

If I were an impersonator,

- I'd wanna be... - Yeah, who would you be?

I'd be you.

As if you could be me?

"Because I blink a lot.

Because it's really intense, living my life.

Because I've got really full-on hair and it's really full-on and hard,

but some people just fly to Hong Kong

and then you just become the most perfect Dolly.

Perfect Dolly."

I'm actually making a career out of this.

Yeah, I know.

But you can't just be a cardboard cutout of an impersonator.

- I'm not. - I'm just saying,

you've gotta bring more to it than a blonde wig

and a bra full of socks, right?

Creatively. Emotionally, socially.

I am bringing more.

It's fibro walls. You should start looking at rentals.

Also, have you spoken to your mom yet?

I'm wondering if I should break up with you or what?

Um, yeah, urn...

Tell her that I broke up with you

- because... I couldn't commit. - Open up?

Yeah, great. Perfect.

It's an investment for my career,

so as I was saying, I just, uh...

I don't wanna be so flat. You know, I wanna have shape.

- You know, big 'uns. - Take a seat.

Doreen, is it?

Oh, it's actually Raylene.

This is the size I'm willing to do for you.

They will be beautiful.

The size you're asking for, you'd have to work up to

with multiple surgeries over an extensive lifetime career.

- Oh. - And if you decide to go under the knife,

do you want them under the breast muscle or over?

Let me think. What'd Dolly do?

- "Jolene"? - Um, yeah? Oh, sorry, yes.

Um, under the breast muscle.

Ladies and gentlemen,

put your hands together for the copy club's hottest duo,

Kenny and Dolly!

J“ you've painted up your lips j“

j“ and rolled and curled your tinted hair j“

J“ whoo j“

j“ Ruby, are you contemplating going out somewhere j“

j“ the shadows on the wall tell me the sun is goin' down j“

j“ oh, Ruby j“

j“ don't take your love to town j“

J“ wasn't me that started that old crazy Asian war j“

j“ but I was proud to go and do my patriotic chore j“

j“ and, yes, it's true that I'm not the man I used to be j“

j“ oh, Ruby j“

j“ for god's sakes, turn around. J“

All right, baby, over to you.

J“ oh, Ruby j“

j“ for god's sakes, turn around. J“

Get over here!

Kenny, I cannot believe this house.

We smash the rest of this tour, baby, Nashville will be calling.

Your real name?

Oh, you're comin' undone here.

- Oh. Golly. - Here.

You're right, you're right.

Kenny, Dolly.

I'm... I'm Kenny Rogers, officially deed polled and all.

You prefer Dolly, I assume?

Like you have no idea.

People think that I'm weird,

that my behavior is inappropriate or whatever.

But being a mimic is not enough.

It doesn't matter who you are or what industry you're in,

you cannot be halfway in.

Yeah, you gotta bring everything.

Emotionally. Creatively, socially.

I get it.

You're just blossomin'.

Dolly would be really proud of you, Dolly.

We just fit, you and I.

J“ still, here we are j“

j“ both of us lonely j“

j“ longing for shelter j“

j“ from all that we see j“

j“ why should we worry j“

j“ no one will care, girl j“

j“ look at the stars now j“

j“ so far away j“

j“ we've got tonight j“

j“ who needs tomorrow? J“

J“ we've got tonight, babe j“

j“ why don't you stay? J“

Okey dokey.

Five, six, seven, eight. Okay.

Well...

You got your own room for your private gal time.

You know, where I'm not too far away. Just over there.

Spare key set out for front and back door, just in case you get locked out.

I guess we're doin' this.

Home, sweet home!

- Oh, baby. - Mm...

J“ get ready for me, love, 'cause I'm a comer j“

j“ I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer j“

j“ nobody, no, nobody j“

j“ is gonna j“

j“ rain on my j“

j“ parade! J“

Yeah!

I know. I know.

Ladies and gentlemen,

would you please welcome our newest master of ceremonies?

The empress of country,

miss Dolly Parton!

Thank you.

Welcome, my new friends.

Oh, my golly, welcome.

It is important to keep our homes open to everybody.

It doesn't matter what size, color, shape you are,

you find out who you are and you do it on purpose.

Ain't that right, Elvis?

Truth is like the sun.

You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.

Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!

Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!

That's zhiang, my new boarder.

I'm assuming you're worried about me

and you've come to apologize for falling off the face of the earth.

I'm fine. Lost weight. Hmm, see?

I've come to give you some cash for the mortgage

and invite you to my gig, which is at your favorite theatre.

Twin palms.

Hmm...

Step up from the school talent contest.

I'll come for a laugh.

No, mom, don't come for a laugh.

It's serious!

I mean, they're talking Nashville and a us tour!

I can't win with you.

I was devastated to hear that you and franny were a joke.

How cruel.

All right. All right.

It's not a problem.

"Kenny in the kimberley." Got a great ring to it.

How long till you're back?

It's only two weeks, baby,

- but... I'll miss you. - Mm-hmm.

At home, on stage, backstage, everywhere.

- I'll give you a call once I land. - Okay.

My weapons of mass distraction.

Hmm

let's do this.

Here you go.

Everything's gonna be all right.

J“ let me know j“

j“ everything's all right j“

J“ everything's all right j“

Oh!

Hey, it's okay.

You're in recovery and this is normal.

Your body is naturally going into protective mode

and is rejecting the implants, which is absolutely...

Normal. Oh.

- I'll go and get you some morphine. - Okay.

Oh, and your next of kin is waiting for you outside.

Oh, shit.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Yes, yes!

Franwa, hello! Hey!

Do I look "boobiful"? I can't say it!

Why are you so angry?

Everything's gonna be all right.

Cutting yourself to be beautiful is unbelievable to me.

It's fucking stupid.

Oh, why are you so jacked up about what I do with my body anyway?

Because I'm your mate, trying to stop you from making dumb choices.

Well, I don't need saving.

I'm not trying to save you.

I'm trying to love you, you asshole!

If you hadn't had your head so far up your ass,

you'd know I've actually met someone.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I am back and I am better than ever!

I've always had big 'uns, just not this big.

I used to be a little champagne glass and now I'm a watermelon.

Who is the real Kenny?

Oh, where is this guy?

Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny!

You're part synthetic.

Well, [think that's probably true.

I think a part of what magic I may have, as far as my personality,

is the fact that I look totally artificial,

and I like to think I'm totally real.

Do you see yourself as a sex symbol?

I feel sexy.

I try to be sexy, I guess, and pretty.

Is that my star man?

I got an early flight, 'cause I missed my girl!

I got presents!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Girl!

I'm one hundred percent committed.

- Hmm. - You wanna feel 'em?

Right?

Why'd you do that?

Because the other one's weren't workin'.

I hadn't noticed, but I'm a butt man, so...

Huh.

Well, these are real.

Sure thing, doll. I hope they make you happy.

So, ah...

Yeah, it's a little messy, but I'm gettin' to it.

Have you been...

You been goin' through my things?

Lookin' for what?

Your mama.

Your friends.

More about the real you.

I am real.

So how'd you get here?

Do you miss your old self?

Come on, now.

You can't just be a cardboard cutout.

Kenny Rogers, baby.

You okay?

Red, the twin palms theatre has sold out.

- Congratulations! - Oh!

Dolly's finally taken over, hey?

What does Kenny think of your new equipment?

He's a butt man.

But I didn't do it for him, I did it for myself.

You all right?

Night.

Hey, Dolly.

So how's it been filling my shoes, taking my job, hmm?

You think you're so fucking special.

- Nothin' real about me... - Except my heart.

Mm.

Those look real fake.

Your opinion means nothin' to me.

Well, then you won't mind me reminding you who you really are.

I know what's under that wig.

Raylene.

Get off!

Oh!

It's so easy for you.

You have no idea!

It's not easy for any of us.

You are seriously red and you have no titties.

It's nothin' personal, darlin', but, uh, truth is like the sun.

You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.

Dolly. Honey.

- Quit. Quit. Quit. - Stop.

Baby, stop!

Dolly, this is serious business. I wanna show you somethin', all right?

My daddy, he was in the army. He made me shave it all off.

He was violent.

He was a real piece of work.

One of the saddest days of my childhood.

Just because you lost your fuzz don't mean you ain't a peach.

You're a good man, Kenny.

Hey.

You're a good man.

I wanna meet your mom.

Uh—huh.

Hmm.

- And, darling? - Hmm?

Breasts?

Well, I get to choose what I do with my body, because it's mine.

People have gotta look at you, at least give 'em somethin' decent to look at.

Ain't that right, zhiang? And what about you two?

Francis introduced us.

Viv, this chicken is delicious.

Oh, thank you, Kenny.

It's not too dry?

Oh! So tender.

I'll get it.

Hey, zhiang.

- Oh, darling! - Hi!

- Hello. - How are you? Good to see you.

Red, this is Betty.

Uh, Dolly, Betty.

It's so great you're finally here and I get to meet you.

It's funny, I get 'Ruby' all the time.

- I'm so sorry we're late, viv. - Oh!

I'm Kenny, man. Nice to meet you.

- Hi. - Pleasure.

Thank you.

You can trump last time.

So, what do you do?

- Um... I'm a lawyer. - Oh!

Very serious job, not like yours.

Oh, I'm very proud of my girl.

She has worked hard.

This little Dolly, she's dynamite.

The kid always had the spirit in her.

Nice one, gramps. He's a wise guy.

Well, blessings don't come without difficulties.

Amen.

I'd love to see your garden, viv.

Darling, of course!

I had let it go,

but Lionel and zhiang and I have been working very hard in the garden.

Let's go. Let's go! Come on!

- Right. Okay, right now? Okay. - Oh.

- Thank you. - Oh, no, it's my pleasure.

Excuse me.

Come on, love.

Yours is a mashed potato.

It's good to see you, red.

Dwinks!

Makes it much better. No, it's fine.

So, what's the hardest case you've had?

Ooh, yeah, I had, um, this one absolute...

You are out of your mind!

- Franny. Franny. - What are you doing?

Dolly Parton is about being the best version of yourself,

but to never take yourself too seriously.

But you're living as someone else

with someone else who is also living as someone else!

Yeah, so?

That's the gig!

And life is working unbelievably better this way.

And he is who he is, which is a version of someone else.

And you're you, which is you, which I'm sure is a version of yourself,

- and, I'm sure, probably someone else! - You're lost.

If you're busy being someone else...

Who's busy being you?

What am I gonna do, Dolly?

It's okay to be nervous. Tomorrow's show's a big deal.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

The more unique you are as a person, the harder it is to be someone else.

That's why Kenny does it so well.

He was just a blank canvas before. He was a starter kit.

Being Kenny Rogers gave him more than he ever would have had without it.

Why did you stop being Neil diamond when you were so successful?

I was tired of ripping myself off.

Ripping my wife off... being someone else.

The only applause I ever really needed was from her.

I realized that too late.

But who are you?

I mean, are you a copy? Are you a copy-copy?

You're still walking around like you're Neil diamond.

Ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king and then became one?

Except for the names and a few other places, when you talk about me,

the story's the same one.

J“ but I got an emptiness deep inside j“

j“ and I've tried, but it won't let me go j“

j“ and I'm not a man who likes to swear j“

j“ but I never cared for the sound of being

j“ alone j“

j“ "I am", isaid j“

j“ to no-one there j“

j“ and no one heard at all j“

j“ not even the chairj“

you got this, kid.

J“ "I am", I cried j“

j“ "I am", said I j“

j“ and I am lost and I can't j“

j“ even say why j“

j“ "I am", isaid j“

j“ "I am", I cried j“

j“I am. J“

It's all a bit ridiculous.

You get your looks from me, though, obviously.

Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats.

The show you've all been waiting for.

J“ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene j“

j“ I'm begging of you, please don't take my man j“

- j“ Jolene, Jolene j“ - J“ Jolene, Jolene j“

J“ please don't take him just because you can j“

j“ your beauty is beyond compare j“

j“ with flaming locks of auburn hairj“

j“ with ivory skin and eyes of emerald green j“

j“ your smile is like a breath of spring j“

j“ your voice is soft like summer rain j“

j“ and I cannot compete with you, Jolene j“

J“ in love forever j“

j“ we can ride it together, ah-ha j“

j“ making love with each other, ah-ha j“

j“ islands in the stream, that is what we are j“

j“ no one in between j“

j“ how can we be wrong? J“

j“ sail away with me to another world j“

j“ and we'll rely on each other, ah-ha j“

j“ from one lover to another, ah-ha j“

J“ baby, I'm burnin', baby, I'm burnin' j“

j“ baby, I'm burnin', baby, I'm burnin' j“

j“ baby, I'm burnin' out of control j“

j“ baby, I'm burnin', body and soul j“

j“ hot as a pistol of flaming desire j“

j“ baby, I'm burnin', you've got me on fire j“

j“ baby, I'm burnin' out of control j“

j“ baby, I'm burnin', body and soul... j“

Thank you, folks. Thank you very much.

- Yee-haw! - Whoa. Wow. Wow!

I, uh...

All right, I usually keep my cards pretty close to my chest.

But tonight, I got somethin' to say.

I love you, baby!

I love you, I love you, I love you!

Heaven and earth.

Oh, no.

Marry me.

Kenny.

He's just foolin' around. Come on, baby.

Marry me, baby. This is... This is the way it's meant to be.

What do you say, folks?

It's definitely not a joke.

Well, he's never really been that funny.

I want all of you to share in this moment.

Baby, I love you.

Kenny, you're not in love with me.

I am. Baby, I sure am.

Kenny, don't do this.

I thought that this was what you wanted?

I can't do this.

I'm not the girl you want, Kenny.

I'm not her.

But that silly Billy Dolly...

Taught me all the things that you loved, that I pretended.

To have confidence in yourself...

And that bravery is vulnerability...

And to not put a value on yourself,

but value the things you love.

Oh, what are you... Baby, what are you doin'?

Dolly's got some wisdom. Dolly's got so much wisdom.

I haven't got any wisdom, but I do know

that I've got to learn to be all those things, but as me.

This is not an impulse reaction.

I'm strip-teasing in a somewhat untidy fashion,

all in the name of saving myself...

And the skin that I'm in.

J“ it's enough to drive you j“

j“ crazy if you let it! J“

I love you, mom.

I love you too, darling.

She's mine!

I propose, then women drop their knickers.

You go back out there. That's for you.

It's okay. I don't need it.

Have a good night, folks.

Good to see you.

Aren't you all glad that the king is back!

Later on today, and I'm going to say it again,

I want you to have a great day.

Later on today, and I'm going to say it again, I want you to have a great day.

Kenny! Show time!

Thanks, Tom.

Now to the most outstanding valuer of the year.

I'm excited to announce the winner is...

Francis!

Go, Francis!

Oh, my god!

I'm... I'm terrified of public speaking,

so I hoped wearing this

would give me David bowie guts

to get up here and say thank you.

So, um...

Thank you.

Yeah, Francis!

Whoo!

I wasn't gonna miss it.

Awards are kinda stupid.

I'm really sorry, franny.

You really pushed it.

- You pushed me. - I know.

I just wanted that feeling that everyone else looks like they're having.

You know, that they're respected and...

You know.

What would the world do with two Dolly partons?

Celebrate?

- You know I'm doing a new thing? - Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I think I've kinda found my audience.

- As yourself? - Yeah. Everyone else is taken.

My name is red and I'm your teacher.