Original subtitles

It's time we finally discuss

our little Christmas dalliance.

Yeah.

I was... thinking about that, too.

It can never happen again. And it is imperative

that not another soul ever find out.

I mean, it would be...

just humiliating.

Right.

Well, just so you know,

I also thought it was a huge mistake.

Maybe even a bigger mistake than you did.

Although...

sitting across from you now,

no one else around, I do find myself thinking

perhaps we could succumb to...

one final act of passion.

Really?

No, not really.

I was joking!

Wasn't turned on at all.

My friend,

that lie would be a lot easier to sell

with some pants on.

That's involuntary!

Don't read into it!

Damn you.

Who are all these colorfully dressed middle-aged people?

They're guests. It's a big weekend up here.

The Ulster County Jam Fest.

Celebrating local jams and well-known jam bands.

What's a jam band?

They play long improvisational grooves.

Which are really good if you're on acid.

What if you're not on acid?

No idea.

Babe,

Freddie overhauled the entire booking system.

This guy is a computer whiz.

Aw, I just did some simple back-end coding.

Basically, the website now stops accepting reservations

once we've reached capacity.

That's so smart!

Yeah. And he installed a security cam

to keep an eye on employees at the front desk.

But you're our only employee.

Yeah. Well, I got to keep myself honest.

This guy!

Security camera?

That's creepy. I don't want to be watched.

Flower, you're invisible.

Yeah. That would've come in handy

when I robbed that bank.

- Did I ever tell - you about that? - Yeah.

Freddie, I can't tell you how much we appreciate

all the work you've been doing.

I honestly don't know how we ever got along without you.

Don't compliment the help.

In order to perform at their best,

they must be kept hungry and afraid.

I'm just so happy to be part of the team.

Frankly, I think my girlfriend's getting a little sick of hearing

how much I love this job.

How long have you guys been dating?

Now you're asking about his personal life?

He'll think you care about him.

That's not the message you want to send.

We've been together for a couple years now.

We did the whole

long-distance thing

until I moved back from the city.

And leave itat that.

- No follow-up - necessary. - And how's that going?

Now you're just purposely trying to antagonize me.

Okay, favorite savory smell.

Easy. French fries.

Man, you're so lucky you've gotten to eat all this stuff.

- Yeah. - What were French fries like?

Salty, crispy, totally delicious.

- Wow. - I used to get them every night after bar close.

I'd just take off my heels and walk through the drive-through.

Everyone hated that.

You are so cool.

Stop it.

What's your favorite sweet smell?

You smell pretty sweet.

You're bad.

I guess Freddie's done for the day.

Yeah, this is one of the downsides

to being a car ghost,

is that I'm sort of at the mercy of his schedule.

Yes, let's pick this up tomorrow? Yeah.

Seriously? Every time?

- Yep. - That's ridiculous.

What's going on?

Freddie's complaining that his girlfriend

doesn't refill the Brita when she puts it back

in the refrigerator.

What's a Brita?

It's a pitcher that filters water.

Modernity's obsession with clean drinking water.

What's everybody so afraid of?

I don't know, dysentery?

Right.

Yes, the thing that killed me. Sure, sure.

Would you like my advice about the whole Brita situation?

Yeah, I'd love that.

Samantha, a word, if I may?

And I will give it to you in just a minute.

I'm gonna make a snack. I'm suddenly famished.

Ooh, I'll whip something up for ya.

I know you don't want me treating the assistant

with basic human decency, but I just disagree.

Samantha, when it comes to handling household staff,

I know of what I speak.

So you must trust me when I tell you

that nothing good can come from getting enmeshed

in this young man's personal affairs.

Hetty, things have changed since your day.

People want an employer who cares about them.

Okay, I didn't want to have to do this, but I'm forbidding you

from delving deeper into Freddie's personal life.

There! You're forbidden.

Boy, she is bossy.

She can be a taskmaster.

- What? - Nothing.

All right. Just a quick cheese plate

with crackers, apples and honeycomb.

My God, he was gone for 20 seconds.

Now, what were you thinking about how I should handle

this whole Brita situation?

Well... Bzz.

I was thinking...

Don't you do it, young lady.

That you shouldn't just ignore it.

If something is bothering you, you should be able

to talk to your partner about it.

That is it.

Your inheritance is going to your cousin.

What are you talking about?

I really don't know!

It's so hard to discipline from beyond the grave.

So, how is it going with landship ghost?

You two spending much time together.

Yeah, give us the scoop, Sass.

Okay, it's not a big deal, but we kind of... kissed.

Not a big deal? That's huge!

Especially for you.

I mean, you marked a tree when a girl said hi to you.

What are you gonna do now, write a rock opera?

Okay, it's totally a big deal.

She's really cool.

And she has all these great stories

from living life on the road.

I loved my days on the road.

Back when I was on tour.

Ooh, a new city every night.

Made it pretty easy to see different guys,

if you know what I mean.

No. What do you mean?

I'm just saying, they didn't have to know about each other.

The road is freedom.

Do you think Jessica could be

hooking up with different ghosts?

Oops.

I hadn't even thought about that.

My God. I mean...

yeah, she's parked every night outside Freddie's apartment.

And who knows what could be going on over there and...

Well, one good thing is she has so many opportunities

for sexual fulfillment.

All the responsibility won't just fall to you.

Yeah, I'm not sure that's helping, girl.

Sam, I need some help out here.

That's for the cab, yeah.

Yes, sir. I'll have to call you back. Thank you.

- Where's Freddie? - I don't know.

I assumed you were together,

braiding one another's hair.

Sorry I'm late,

didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

He looks like Hamilton after a night at the whorehouse.

Which he frequented.

No songs in the musical about that.

Everything all right? Not really.

I talked to Beth about the Brita thing,

like you said to.

She didn't take it very well.

Seems like it's heading in

an unfortunate direction for you.

It escalated into this huge fight, and then...

she broke up with me.

No, Freddie. I'm so sorry.

So he lost the love of his life.

The important thing is his employer cares about him.

I got it.

No! Let me.

Woodstone B and B.

How may I help you?

Reservation for Valentine's Day?

And you sure you want to book that far in advance?

This isn't good.

Because sometimes,

you think your relationship is perfect,

but then your girlfriend dumps you

and takes the Brita...

and now you're alone and now your water tastes weird.

Excuse me.

Babe, I think you broke Freddie.

In retrospect, yeah,

probably should've taken a cab

to the bottomless mimosa brunch. Yeah.

Well, you live and you learn, right?

Or, I guess just... learn.

Hey, so... Freddie's place. What's that like?

- What? - You know, where you're parked every night.

All night. Is it fun?

Any cool ghosts live there?

Yeah, it's okay.

It's mostly just me and this guy, Roger.

Yeah? What's, Roger like?

Super old, die of natural causes?

No, he was a leatherhead football player,

back in the day.

Died running into a goalpost...

And he's just absolutely ripped.

That's... Yeah.

Cool.

He's really funny, too.

He said this thing to me the other day.

He was all like...

I can't, I-I don't know. You just had to be there.

Right, right, right, but... but I'm not there.

I'm here.

So he's big and funny?

But also sensitive.

And oddly smart, which is surprising, you know,

for someone who played football and modeled.

We have a hamster together.

I mean, what happens to Bubbles?

Freddie, if you don't feel up to working today, it's okay.

We understand.

Yes, reward this poor showing.

That'll set him straight.

Here, have a glass of water. It'll make you feel better.

I fear water may be a sore subject.

God, if only we'd drank tap

none of this would have happened.

Okay, we need eyes on this Beth chick.

I mean, he's really sad,

so there's a chance she's super hot.

I think I just need to be alone for a bit.

Indeed, and we'll go watch you wallow.

He's gonna pull up pictures, I know it.

Well, this is exactly what I was afraid would happen.

You have now ruined your employee.

I think you're being a little dramatic.

I'm just worried about Bubbles.

He's living in a broken home, now.

He's a hamster of divorce.

Samantha, you made a mistake

by treating Freddie with basic human decency.

But you needn't compound it by continuing to do so.

His girlfriend just dumped him.

It doesn't matter if his girlfriend dumped him

or his right arm was torn off in an iron foundry.

You need to tell him to stop whining

and put that stump to work.

That sounded like a disturbingly real example.

I'm done listening to this.

He couldn't handle a simple phone call,

and that's not that difficult.

- I've done it. - They had phones back in your day?

Not many.

In fact, we had the only one for 300 miles.

We had no one to call, but we had bragging rights.

The letters I would send boasting about our telephone.

I need you.

Well, look who comes crawling back...

Not like that.

I need you to do something for me

on Samantha's computer.

Her assistant has become a blubbering liability,

and she refuses to do anything about it.

Okay. So, what do we do?

We intervene.

And create a scenario so egregious

she has no choice but to become the boss she needs to be

and come down on him once and for all.

You were a really tough boss, weren't you?

I could be hard on a man when they needed it.

Okay, right there.

I feel like you're trying to be provocative.

Stop reading into everything,

you dirty little boy.

Okay, come on! That time for sure.

So now Freddie's girlfriend kicked him out

and he's living at his mom's house.

So that means you won't get to see your buddy,

the football model, anymore.

Unless they get back together, yeah.

That is tough.

It's okay, though.

There is this one other really cool ghost

that haunts the mom's house, so that's nice.

Neat. What's her name?

His name is Chad.

And he also died in a car-related incident.

He was doing a charity car wash for his firehouse.

And then he got hit by a driver who got distracted

by his washboard abs.

Come on!

Wait, what's going on here?

Are you jealous?

What? No!

Why? Should I be? Is there something going on?

Okay, you know, I really don't like this side of you.

Freddie and I have been listening to podcasts

about toxic relationships

and I'm starting to see some signs.

Well, what do you expect?

You're hanging out with model football players

and guys so hot people are mowing them down.

You're out there on the road, living that road life.

- What? - I know about road life.

Okay? I know all about it.

I'd like you to leave my RAV4.

I'm going.

- I can't believe how packed - we are this week. - I know, right?

Full capacity.

I never thought we'd see the day.

Hey, just checking in. It should be under Kubena.

Here we go.

There must be some sort of some mistake.

We're fully booked this weekend.

No, absolutely not. We have a confirmation.

All thanks to your magic fingers, Trevor.

- Not the first time - you've said that. - You shut up.

Here it is.

I see. Okay.

Well, we'll clear that right up.

Um, where's Freddie?

He's in the library, making a collage

out of construction paper and photographs to give to Beth.

A surefire way to win her back.

Good move, kid.

Freddie!

Yes?

There seems to be a little issue

with the reservation system.

We may have double-booked a room.

Um, that's not possible.

Did someone make a critical error

whilst in the midst of an emotional breakdown?

We have a reservation.

Hey-hey, friends.

Take it easy. This weekend is about

good jams and good jams and good vibes.

It says here we have the Maple Suite for two nights.

What the hell? That's my room.

You calling my wife a liar?

Hi, I'm checking in.

I have a reservation for the Maple Suite.

Get in line, dude!

This is like how people fought over toilets at Woodstock.

Everyone loves sharing until they have to poop.

The system isn't supposed to allow this.

It's taking on a mind of its own,

like Joshua in WarGames.

Freddie, you got to stop

saying things that make me like you

'cause I'm starting to get annoyed right now.

I don't know how this happened!

Samantha, he's making a fool of you

and ruining your business.

We demand a room right now.

I want to shower and nap before String Cheese Incident.

Okay, I'm so sorry.

We have a new employee

and there seems to be some sort of mix-up.

Every place within 30 miles of here is booked.

My mom has a spare bedroom.

They don't want to stay at your mom's place, Freddie.

- It has a Murphy bed. - I don't care.

Yes, that's it, feel the anger coursing through you.

Why are you getting mad at me? This isn't my fault.

Well, then, whose fault is it?

Well, since Beth broke up with me...

Get over it, Freddie. Things happen in people's lives.

Finish him.

I didn't tell you this, but she took the hamster.

- She got Bubbles. - My God.

Buy another hamster. They're all the same.

He was a really special rodent.

That's not our problem.

You messed up the whole reservation system.

I thought you were a nice boss.

And I thought you were a good employee.

You're right. I am a bad employee.

- Ooh, Freddie, no. - I don't deserve to work here.

I quit.

That was better than cocaine.

You yelled at Freddie and he quit?

Sasappis, do not guilt Samantha. She did the right thing.

My girlfriend lives in his car.

Yeah, she live in landship.

He just said car. You can't repeat "car"?

It's like you don't want to learn.

Thor don't like your hat.

I'm sorry, Sass.

I liked Freddie, but he made a really big mistake.

This is so unfair.

You guys are the worst Livings.

I wish I could slam a door!

- That's interesting. - What is?

Well, I can see when changes were made

to the reservation system

and someone changed the maximum occupancy

at 9:38 last night.

- But Freddie - wasn't here that late. - I know.

Well, why dwell in the past?

I think we should all focus on this car commercial.

Yah, cool landship.: my God.

Yeah, somebody changed the maximum number of rooms

from four to...

sixty-nine.

Hetty made me do it.

You spineless coward!

- Dammit, Trevor. - Yeah, Trev-dog, you had to know

that this would lead back to you.

It is the best joke. I will not apologize.

Hetty, why would you do this?

You refused to take action.

I had to create a situation that would force your hand.

Freddie was on a downward spiral

and he was gonna take you with him.

If anything, you should be thanking me.

"Freddie" also made a reservation for

Mr. and Mrs. Seymour Butts.

Come on. That's objectively funny.

- Hey, roomie. - Pete, I'm really not in the mood right now.

I'm sorry, is it 1971

and are you Carol on our wedding night?

In retrospect, the signs were there.

What do you want?

I wanted to tell you

that Jay and Sam are gonna try to hire Freddie back.

It doesn't matter.

I already blew it with Jessica.

I got super jealous and she got really mad.

I see.

You want some advice?

From you? About women?

I-I mean, sure.

You know how you can tell 100% if someone's cheating on you?

You can't.

That's the thing about relationships.

You know? You... you have to trust.

Now, in my case, the trust wasn't warranted,

but the alternative is to let paranoia take over

and ruin what could be a good thing.

That actually makes a lot of sense.

Thanks, Pete.

Anytime, roomie.

Hey, did your wife really not want to have sex

on your wedding night?

It was a long day.

- We had cake. - Okay.

- It was hot out. - We don't have to talk about it.

We had cake!

Samantha, may I have a moment?

No, I don't want to talk to you.

You sabotaged my business, all to get me

to yell at that poor kid who did nothing wrong.

I was trying to impart what I believed to be wisdom.

We just had to beg Freddie to come back.

This place was jammed with angry jam-jam fans.

The-the point is, you went way too far.

Hetty, what were you thinking?

I was not the best mother.

I delegated the care and raising of my children to others.

And I missed out on being a part of their lives.

And then, after my death, I had to watch my children

become adults in this house.

Unable to help them.

To give advice...

to guide them.

Mother, what do you think I should do?

Should I marry this girl? Is she the one?

No, she is a money-grubbing harlot.

Her family is landless and striving.

- Just give me a sign. - Any sign. - On it.

Whoa.

Okay, I will marry her.

No!

Thomas!

What the hell, Thorfinn?

I was doing sign for "no."

But can see where... confusing.

D'you think?

I have watched generations of Woodstones

make mistakes in this house.

But then, after 100 years, a miracle happened.

You fell down those stairs, and I was given a second chance.

To be heard.

You know, my mom used to point out my mistakes.

A lot.

We would get into these huge fights

and I would do the opposite of what she said.

And because of that I...

I probably missed out on some good advice.

Well, maybe this is a second chance for both of us.

That's a nice way to think of it.

So, you'll agree to always listen to me from now on?

Only if you agree to let me make my own mistakes

when I disagree, because sometimes they're not mistakes

and I know what I'm talking about.

In retrospect, I can see that you were

slightly more in tune with the fragile constitution

- of the modern worker. - Thank you.

But also, for what it's worth,

you seemed to be quite at home disciplining that young man.

I mean, you really laid into him.

It felt so good.

There are those Woodstone genes.

You know, I actually wanted to strangle him.

Ooh...

That's probably frowned upon these days.

And they call that progress.

Hey, you got a sec?

Well, I was gonna walk to the other side of the car,

but I guess I can do that later.

Look, I'm sorry.

I know I'm 500 years old, but I'm, ironically,

kind of new to all this dating stuff.

If you think mentioning that you're super old

is feeding into my daddy issues right now, then...

you're right.

It is. I like it. It's super hot.

The thing is, I got jealous.

But that's my problem. Not yours.

Okay, well, for what it's worth,

I'm not hooking up with other ghosts.

Really? I mean, thank you for saying that.

I... I trust you.

Aw...

Come here, you big cutie.

Cool.

What did Beth think of the collage?

I don't know, I haven't heard back yet.

You will.

But a collage well done is its own reward.

- Anyway, we're just glad - to have you back. - Yeah.

I'm glad to be back. It is crazy, though.

I mean, I checked the security footage

and no one even approached the laptop at 9:38.

So weird, right?

That's spooky.

It is spooky.

That's odd.

The keys are clicking themselves.

Yeah, he's gonna have questions about that.