Original subtitles

WOMAN: Good morning!

I'm Maureen MacIntyre, and we have got a...

Golden Waves Radio.

That's Maureen's Magical Mornings.

Use salt instead of sugar.

Could you imagine that? I mean, imagine that!

Or maybe, like me, you've tried to chop a tomato with a blunt knife.

Good Lord, how banal. We'd like to hear your anecdote.

Give us a call. I've got an anecdote.

Remember when I ran out of soy sauce?

Oh, I remember that, Dad. Classic story.

Helen, hurry up, please. I need to make an announcement.

Good morning. Reporting in for the big announcement.

Finally.

Well, today is the official opening of Conch Mediation Services.

Or this. No, don't be silly.

We're gonna need that for tea. Yeah, sorry.

Mind you, who's gonna need tea

now that we've got George Clooney-grade expresso?

Helen, what are you doing? Hey.

Yes, they're prepared to risk it.

Can you see it? Is it on the roof? (PIGEON COOING)

I prepared your mother's will, God rest her soul.

Oh, no rest for Mum's soul, I'm afraid.

She's downstairs.

Do you know Jesus, Mrs Gruber?

No-one knows him, mate. Shut up.

What?

I don't know, like Ratsak, but for pigeons?

Jesus Christ, Fisk, we don't want to kill it.

Yeah, we just want to encourage it to move on.

OK, sorry. Spikes?

Helen, that's barbaric.

Oh, I'm not saying you stick its head on a spike.

Flashing lights?

Well, well, well, we meet again.

Oh, hey! Men's Shed man.

Howard. Howard Muzzin.

Thought I might run into you.

I've been here since six.

Have you? Have you got a dog?

No, but you do.

Yes.

Kokaw! Rowr!

Now, we do share kitchen and bathroom facilities,

And there's a pretty penny to be made, too.

Hallelujah, praise his name. Let's go.

She's developing quite the attitude. I don't like it.

I think you might need to back off a bit.

Me? I meant we. Both of us.

She's turned out to be a pretty good probate lawyer.

Well, I was her mentor. Exactly.

And the mentee is now mented.

That is not a word.

Munted?

Point is, I think you and I - we -

Pigeons.

Some people have called them the rats of the sky,

and other cultures worship them.

What do I think?

Well, I think they're just nice.

Thanks for watching Fisk.

(LAUGHS)

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation