Original subtitles

Over the years, we have explored the life

of every creature of the African grassland.

We have worked hard to unlock the mysteries of their world.

But there has always been one being beyond our study.

Until now.

She is an anomaly on the Savanna,

neither hunter nor gatherer.

She is a scavenger living off the spoils of others.

What drives her,

motivates her?

- What are the s... - Cut!

That was lovely. You were wonderful.

- What the f... - She is…

…a hot mess.

Johannesburg, her habitat.

An imperfect city, unlovable, yet beautiful in its own way.

Despite the absence of any social contribution,

she and her pack roam the highveld together.

But theirs is an uneasy alliance.

Hey!

What are you tryna do? Kill someone?

- Go fuck yourself. - Really? Well, go fuck yourself as well.

Excuse me.

I will fucking kick you in your tiny bitch ass balls.

Now, let's begin our tale…

…of the urban jungle.

Dick.

Cunt.

- Do you wanna run your lines again? - I'm good.

Who're you texting?

- No one. - Dish.

- Diego. - That fuck boy!

Come on, Son. I dunno why you bother.

What?

- Nothing. - Bullshit.

He just sent me a dick pic.

- Ah let's see! - You are driving!

Fine!

But at least give me a description.

I mean, are we talking, "The Rock and two tractor tyres" or

"Danny DeVito and a couple of grapes."

Carla, we can't do this anymore, there's like…

a right to privacy.

Come on, Sondra, that's not fair. I'm a married woman.

This is the closest I've been to a penis in years.

- Please. - No.

- Please. - Stop it. No.

It's my penis.

Okay. You ready?

Mm-hmm.

Gum.

Look at me.

You got this.

Say it after me. I got this.

- I got this. - Sondra de Silva,

- this one is gonna be different. - It's gonna be different.

Okay. Don't worry about the bloating.

- What bloating? - You got this. Break a leg.

Profile left, please.

And right.

Face front.

Hands, please.

Other side.

All right, thank you.

Is that not Marlene from Daylight Destiny?

What, that soapy from like 20 years ago?

Hi. I'm Sondra de Silva and I'll be auditioning for Serenity Anti-age Cream.

Is she not a little old?

Um…

my agent said the brief was for women between 35 and 40 with dark hair.

Right. Okay.

Sure.

Um, Sondra do you need a script?

- No. I'm good. - Okay.

Well then, if you can get into your bikini now, please...

Bikini? I'm sorry. My agent never mentioned anything about a bikini.

My darling, just do it in your bra. Okay?

- Sorry. - All right, ladies. So you're on a beach.

You're a group of friends and you're playing volleyball.

- Okay? - And what else?

Nothing. That's it. Okay?

And action.

I'm sorry. Hang on. Wait. Stop. Sorry.

Are we meant to be miming here?

Yes, you are miming the volleyball.

- Just mime. - Okay, thank you.

Guys, guys, guys.

There can only be one ball.

So like, let me start.

We can… Okay?

Um, but what was wrong with the way that we were doing it?

Nothing.

So you basically just want us to jump up and down? Yeah?

‎

Mommy.

What do you mean, you're outside?

No, Mommy, I've told you, you can't keep coming around like this.

It's called boundaries.

Like all of it?

It seems that way.

You spent your entire pension.

How's that even possible?

We trusted your Uncle Joe to manage everything for us.

How were we to know we were paying for his penthouse in Ibiza?

- Ibiza. - No, Mommy he should be in jail.

He will pay for it in the afterlife.

- Don't you worry. - What about in this life?

Don't get all high and mighty about stealing.

Didn't you steal your sister's boyfriend in high school?

- I have apologized for... - Look, enough.

You'll be out at the end of the month. I'm going to Airbnb the house.

What?!

- Dad! - Technically speaking,

we bought it.

But you bought Raquel a house, too.

She has a husband and a child.

Plus she paid us back.

Think of it as a good opportunity.

- For what? - To get your life together.

There's nothing wrong with my life. My ship is about to come in.

There are no ships for actresses over 40.

Where am I supposed to live?

Get yourself a job. Better still, get married.

I'm working on it.

Yes, with another drug addict, no doubt.

All I know is we are not paying for you anymore, Sondra.

It's time to get realistic.

Get a real job. Rent a place and stop...

‎

Makalah, please do not hit your brother.

Okay, violence is not the answer.

I will buy you a new one, honey. Okay?

But that was a limited edition one I...

Okay well…

Okay, okay.

Precious!

Precious, please can you come and help me?

First I have to remodel the bathroom, though.

Okay. Then what are you gonna do after?

I don't know. Move in with Diego, I guess.

Son, we've been besties since you made Hannah cry

on the first day of drama school.

We've been through it all.

You are my ride-or-die. I will always have your back.

Thanks, buddy.

Diego is never going to marry you.

What?

Hot toy boys don't marry cougars unless the cougars are rich.

You should just get back together with that restaurant owner.

- You mean the drug addict? - He's rich.

What part of drug addict don't you understand?

So marry him, divorce him, get some alimony.

Just because I'm over 35 doesn't mean I can't have...

So you have ruled out anyone who is divorced,

has kids, has an addiction problem,

has a small dick, is depressed, wears sondals. Who is left?

Why are you so obsessed with me getting married?

Because what else are you gonna do?

At some point, you need to accept the idea

that you're probably not gonna be famous again.

I take you to every audition.

When was the last time you had a proper one?

- My ears are burning. - Can't we just share Jerry?

You guys talking about me again?

Mm.

You can have him.

- She doesn't know what she's talking... - Jerry's the greatest.

And you are not my best friend anymore.

Hey, what happened to "you are my ride-or-die"?

Besides, I have to say that

Jerry lends me money all the time and I never pay him back.

Oh, forget about it.

You're a worthwhile investment, Sondra.

Thank you, Jerry.

Okay, whatever.

Enjoy your booty call.

You know, maybe he actually likes me.

I'm just being honest.

Something about this guy doesn't feel right.

You're still a star, Sondra.

Do you really think so?

When I was a kid I used to dream about being with you.

Mm-hmm.

Marlene from Daylight Destiny.

Thick dark hair.

Dark eyes.

Phew. Killer tits.

You're such a flirt.

Babe when I… when I was 14, I had your poster on my wall.

Mm!

Do you wanna um…?

Do you wanna come to my birthday party tomorrow?

It's dinner.

Sure thing, babe.

Happy birthday, my soul.

Oh, thank you, my life.

- And? - And…

Oh my God, Car, he's the one.

I swear. I swear to you, there was something…

I don't know. There's just something about that

little pep talk you gave me about husbands, it just…

I don't know. It was like the cosmic key I needed to unlock my destiny or something.

Okay, that's amazing. But get to the good part.

Length. Girth. I want all the gory details.

Okay. First, we'll count

Chris Hemsworth astride two massive boulders.

More. I need more.

Uh-huh.

Ah!

Ah!

- Doesn't she look amazing? - Shut up, Jerry.

You may now kiss the bride.

‎

Ah!

Oy! Hey! Whoo! What? Ooh! What's happening down there?

Oh, hey. Mm.

Ooh!

I always wanted to do that.

It's so sexy.

So intimate, so risqué.

You what?!

Ah, Jerry would never do that to me.

So? Not everyone needs a licked arsehole.

Ah, you're always on his side. You're just like my mother.

I'm on your side.

When we fell in love, he was like a normal guy.

We hung out in Melville. We had opinions.

Meritocracy is the light of the soul.

There's no such thing as merit in the society.

It's either you're part of the haves or the have-nots.

And we are divided into those categories by the elitist,

white capitalists who control our lives.

Amandla.

Now he's like Jewer than Jew.

I swear if there was a competition for the best Jew in Jo'burg,

Jerry would win like, first, second and third place.

I don't know what you're moaning about. Jerry loves you.

I just didn't think he'd take it so seriously.

Car, you did tell him he had to convert to marry you?

I didn't mean he actually had to find God.

If you want Jerry to lick your arsehole, just ask him.

Oh, he has like zero interest in having sex with me.

- Carla. - Jerry.

Do you even wanna have sex?

I'm into it.

No.

Where are you going?

I don't know.

To watch porn.

Pray.

I haven't decided!

I guess it's just me and Pastor Enoch tonight.

Yeah. You need to stop cheating on Jerry with your Christian dildo.

It doesn't mind if I eat bacon.

I gotta go. I'm gonna go and kerfuffle with my future husband some more.

Send photo.

Okay, I told you, privacy!

Diego.

I'm coming.

Sondra? Mmm.

I'm Grant from Grants Construction. We're here to do your bathroom.

- Mm. - Do you know your gate's open?

Fuck.

It's the first door on the right.

This way.

You're Marlene from Daylight Destiny?

- In the flesh. - Don't tell anyone, but I love that show.

And you're the worst, you know, in the best way.

Thank you.

- You still acting? - Yeah.

All the time.

Wow.

Well, it's…

- Hey. - Ah, hey.

Hi.

Mmm.

I can still taste you.

All right. I'm out of here.

Oh, you don't wanna get…

- You don't wanna get breakfast? - No.

Got to hit the gym, babe.

Okay.

Okay. I'll see you at six then. Time machine.

And don't forget the birthday dinner at 7:30.

Yeah. Okay.

Um… see you later.

See you later.

Good evening. May I grab this chair?

Um, I'm… I'm waiting on someone.

Sorry.

There you go.

Thank you so much.

Hmm.

- Babe? - Mm-hmm?

Don't you think we should eat?

We have to wait for the birthday girl.

I mean, honey, it's a model.

- Mm. - Raquel?

- Hmm? - Do you own the salon or…

- Well... - She should.

Yes, right?

No, I wish. I just manage it.

Oh, that's exciting.

How do you two know my sister?

Mm-mmh.

We don't actually. Um, both Car's and I's kids

go to Clever Club together and…

And mine, yeah.

We both met sneaking a cigarette.

Carla. Smoking again?

Yeah. You know what?

Let's eat. I'm starving.

- Yes can we eat? - I'm starving.

Thank goodness. Yes.

Oh, finally.

- The birthday girl is here. - Oh?

Oh.

- Happy birthday. - Yeah!

- Hello Jerry. - Hello.

The birthday girl.

The birthday girl's here.

Hello you two.

Holy shit.

Oh my gosh.

- Happy birthday! - You're…

Aren't you…

You're that…

‎-I used to love you. ‎-I used to love to hate you.

Sondra and Carla went to drama school together.

Yeah. I was actually shortlisted for the role,

but my bestie hijacked my audition, so…

It's not my fault they saw me in reception.

Funny how you knew my lines though.

I did help her rehearse.

The rest is history.

Sondra became famous and Carla married me.

- Who are these people? - Uh, Son?

- Where's Diego? - Who's Diego?

Wine?

So, Noms and I are playing Cliff, Shag, Marry

and there's this… this rugby coach.

And…

She says, "I'd fuck him."

I mean, I could not think of anything worse than being single at our age.

- No, it can never be me. - Like nothing!

Never, ever.

I'm so sorry, Son.

It's really not that bad.

It's like, you know…

- It's like test-driving a car. - What?!

- What?! - She means sex.

Oh!

You have my… anyway guys,

do you have some stories that you can share with us married folks?

Yes!

- Yes. - I don't kiss and tell.

- She does, and you do. - Ah, I knew it!

Sondra has had more one-night stands than moustache waxes.

She has got stories for days.

But of course, but of course, she wants to marry them all.

Okay, okay. What is your worst story?

How much time do you have?

You know I think the thing that I hate the most is the, is the dick pics.

I've never gotten one.

You know what, I'm gonna tell you something.

Guys, we don't like them.

Do you by any chance have any on your phone?

Yes!

I delete them.

She's lying.

She keeps the best ones for when we need a laugh.

Oh come on, show them.

Show us, show us, show us, show us!

Show them, show them, show them!

Okay.

- I'm so excited. - I have to go first

because the only dick I've ever seen is my husband's.

Oh no!

This one we call Tom Cruise and a couple of grapes.

- Oh no! - Oh my God.

No, you gotta… Just watch. Look!

I mean this…

Ooh.

What? I mean, it is so short.

Yes.

Yet confident.

Is it confident? Or is it...

No, no, no!

The dick pics… The dick pics are only the beginning.

Ah no, this one time Sondra was screwing this guy, okay,

and she opens the door and his father…

- No! - …who lives with him, is listening in.

No! That is so…

He put a chair there and everything.

This other time this guy wanted all three of his dogs on the bed

- when they're going… - The dogs? Awww!

And just yesterday,

this guy, this guy Diego is going down on her

and he sorta just, he licks out her arsehole.

Don't you dare try that with me.

But now…

But now of course he won't return her calls.

I mean, fuck.

It's fucking…

Fuck off, Carla.

It's Jerry.

I'm so sorry, Son.

She can be…

She can be really awful sometimes.

I think she's jealous of you.

No, she's not.

And I don't know how you put up with her.

I ask myself the same question.

I don't know.

Maybe you and I should just… leave.

Oh shut up, Jerry.

Anyway, probably should have remembered to

swap out the wine for the non-alcoholic again.

- Chin up, Jerry. - She didn't forgive me for an entire week.

Shut up, Jerry.

I love you.

No.

No, no.

No, look out.

Careful. I'm so hungover.

Please hold still. Otherwise, you'll lose a lip.

Why didn't I cancel this appointment?

Sorry.

It's probably my agent.

Just spam.

- Just spam? - They're relentless.

For God's sake, Sondra, just answer the phone.

No, Raquel!

Why do you keep hanging up on Jerry?

Don't you want to pull off the other side?

I know what I'm doing.

But why do you keep hanging up on Jerry?

Sondra, if you don't tell me, I'm gonna answer the phone.

I'm answering the phone.

Fine. Okay, okay.

He kissed me last night in the bathroom after Carla was so awful to me.

He did what?

- That is a lot of wax. - No, that is an appropriate amount of wax.

- It was an accident. - Okay.

Listen, Carla was a piece of crap last night.

But that does not give you the right to jump her husband.

- It was an accident. - An accident? An accident?

Just like my Renaldo in Standard Eight, was that an accident?

Oh my God. We were teenagers.

- What are you doing? - I'm doing my job!

No. Ow, ow.

Where are you going?

I'm not going to let my little sister disfigure me.

Thanks for the sisterly support by the way.

You're welcome.

Yeah. Good luck with that.

Fuck. Fuck.

- Grant? - Oh, gents.

I'm so sorry, um I need to use the bathroom, please.

- Sorry? - You know,

can you guys leave for the day?

We're on a really tight deadline here.

Can't you please use the portaloo outside?

It's a fucking medical emergency, Grant!

Gents, take five.

Just grab a…

Fuck!

Fuck!

- Are you okay? - No, I'm not fucking okay.

Do you need an ambulance?

No, I don't need a fucking ambulance!

Is she okay?

I hope she doesn't need any...

Fuck, fuck!

Sondra?

- I'm coming in. - No, no, no, no, no.

- I'm not looking. I'm in. - No.

I'm in.

- What's going on in here? - Nothing. I'm fine.

Okay.

- Do you need a doctor? - No.

So what do you need?

It's an epilation malfunction.

A what?

A very, very bad wax.

Oh.

Okay. Um…

- Let me see it. - No.

Look I doubt it's anything I haven't seen. I grew up with four sisters.

Okay, look.

Can you go and you go do it somewhere else?

Oh boy.

- Oh fuck! - Mmm.

Um…

We're gonna need olive oil.

Hmm? To um…

Where, now?

Here we go.

Okay.

Okay. The lips are apart now.

Thank you, Grant. You can go.

Oh!

You sure you're okay?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, got this.

Thank you.

Just go uh…

Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Okay. Let me help.

- I can help. - No, no, no. You know what?

It's fine. I can… I just need…

You need help.

I'd rather die!

- I'm coming in. It's alright… - No, no, no. You know what, Grant,

- I actually think I could live like this. - I'm in.

Turn around.

Turn.

Almost there. Turn around.

Okay.

Now, put your hands…

arms on my shoulders.

One and two.

Okay. Now, look at me.

Look at me.

I need to go down.

- Ready? - Maybe… we should…

- Mm-hmm? - We should count…

- Okay. - …to three.

One… two…

I'll get it.

You left this.

Thanks.

What is wrong with you?

Um, p… pilates.

How hilarious was last night?

So fun.

So um… I…

Have you thought about what you're going to do afterwards?

- After what? - I assume you can't move in with Diego.

- Ah shit! - I thought…

if you have nowhere else to stay, our cottage is always free.

He is cute.

Is he?

Yeah.

All right, I've got to go and fetch the kids.

Please remind me never to drink Miriam's kosher wine ever again.

Never drink Miriam's kosher wine again.

Ow.

- Sondra? - Jerry, what the… Carla was just here.

- What happened? - Pilates.

I just came to apologize… mmh.

You can't. The construction worker is here.

So?

Look, I take full responsibility, okay?

- As you should. - But…

- But what? - For the first time in years,

I felt something.

In Judaism, right, there's this idea

that even before we're born,

God has already decided who we're meant to be with.

It's like a… like a soul mate.

- It's called b'sheirt. - Oh shit?

- B'sheirt. - B'shat?

It means destiny.

I used to think Carla was mine and…

But then…

Tell me you felt it?

- Oh Jerry, this is wrong. - So you did feel something.

Carla is my best friend.

Am I a total piece of shit

if the only thing I feel guilty about is that I don't feel guilty.

Jerry, you need to go.

Okay, okay, okay. But look.

At least, take this.

What the fuck is that?

Have you bought me a phone?

We owe it to ourselves to see if there's something here.

Are you fucking nuts, Jerry?

No, Jerry. Pick that phone up.

Jerry!

Fuck. I really need to close my fucking gate!

This better be good.

Why?

Who?

What?!

Lungi! For the BBC?

Are you serious?

But wai… So…?

No, I don't… I don't have to audition?

Oh, my God. That's amazing.

Okay, yeah I'll send them. Okay. Bye.

I didn't mean to do that last one.

Ah.

F…

So I'm done for the day.

Please, baby Jesus, explain to me why I decided to make pastry.

I mean, I should have just bought it from the store.

Who you trying to impress?

My mother.

She's coming to inspect the bathroom.

Oh.

What does 'cut in the cold fat' mean?

I'm going to need a knife and flour.

Knife and flour.

Thank you.

- Knife. - Oh.

There you go.

I think we're going to need some music.

- Does that thing work? - Yeah.

Okay.

- Marlene. - Cute.

Fuck.

♪ Mister ♪

♪ Your eyes are full of hesitation ♪

♪ Sure makes me wonder ♪

♪ If you know what you're looking for ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ I want to keep my reputation ♪

♪ I'm the sensation ♪

♪ You try me once you back for more ♪

♪ Oh, yes sir ♪

♪ I can boogie ♪

♪ But I need a certain song ♪

♪ I can boogie ♪

♪ Oh, yes sir ♪

♪ I can boogie ♪

♪ If you say you can't go wrong ♪

Done.

That was impressive.

Pastry-making or seducing women through the power of dance?

Huh uh…

It turns out once you get divorced, you find time for a lot of things.

Like cooking shows.

- You're divorced? - Mm-hmm.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

So who was that guy, is…

Is he the new boyfriend?

No, he's my…

Cou… He's my cousin.

Look. Sorry. It's none of my business.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- Grant. - Mm-hmm?

Thank you. Very much.

Thirty minutes.

Oh, yeah the… 30.

- Thirty? - Thirty.

Hey, babes, I just saw Noms

and she couldn't stop talking about how funny last night was.

You getting rimmed.

Sorry babe, I pressed send too early because I was still laughing at the image.

I'm just, I'm just saying you need to unc...

I'm very disappointed.

The tiles, everything. So cheap.

Well, you didn't give me a very big budget.

You've always had such cheap taste.

Like that drug addict who wore the false Ralph Lauren shirts

and sold all of your shoes to buy more drugs, every single pair.

I mean all of them.

Well, you won't be having your flings when you move back into our house.

When what?

- Not in a million years. - Where are you going to go then?

- Huh? What?! - Carla's cottage.

The tiles are cheap!

You need to take them all back and get better ones.

- With what money? - I mean, look at Raquel.

She has a husband, a home, a baby.

And she didn't buy cheap tiles for her bathroom.

I'm going to be on the BBC.

You're too old to be on the BBC.

No, I'm not. I got the job today.

For a TV show and I didn't even audition.

They asked for me.

What do you want me to do? Hmm?

You want me to just…

…marry the first man who comes along and buys me flowers

and be miserable for the rest of my life just to make you happy.

Yes! Better miserable with a husband than miserable without.

Would you please answer your phone?

It's not my ph…

Hello?

I'm having dinner with my parents right now.

What?! No, I'm not sending you a photo of what I'm wearing. Fuck!

- Why do you have two phones? - Don't know.

Excuse me.

That sister of yours has some real problems.

Oh.

Oh, Jesus.

- Dick. - Who's a dick now?

No, my cousin.

How did you get in here?

Really need to start closing your gate at night, babe.

Oh, fuck!

- What's wrong? - Something's up with Jerry, babe.

You know I give him that once-a-month hand job?

- His reward for putting up with you? - Sex is currency.

Last night, he said he was too tired.

Oh no.

Maybe he was too tired.

This is Jerry we are talking about, Son.

Something is up with him, I know it.

And I'm going to find out what or more like who?

What? Don't. God.

Jerry would… Jerry would never cheat on you.

Who is messaging?

My sister. We're fighting.

Car…

You're being paranoid.

Jerry would never do that.

I have to go. I've got to go.

We start

shooting today, with BBC.

I'm telling you, something's up with that schmuck.

BBC. BBC. BBC.

Keys, keys. Fuck. Keys. Keys.

Oh.

- Hey. - Hey. Grant.

- What are you doing here? - I'm renovating your bathroom?

Right. Oh, shit.

- What? - Uh… My mom hated it.

- The pie? - No, no, no. The pie was delicious.

The tiles. She hates the tiles. She thinks that they look cheap.

And I have to go back to the store and get new ones.

- You're kidding. - And she's insisting I pay the excess.

- That's insane. - You are more than welcome

to argue with my mother, Grant.

Yeah. No.

I mean, look, you can use my tradesman's discount if you want.

Or I can take you back to the tile and tap depot this afternoon.

- Seriously? - Hmm.

- Thank you. - Okay.

Ooh. I should go. My Uber's here.

Start uh… Start filming today.

With the BBC.

You know, before you I never met anyone on TV,

let alone the BBC.

It's a historical re-enactment.

Hmm. Period piece.

Girl, your brows were made for this role.

Thank you.

Lungi!

When you said this was a historical reenactment.

Cut!

Um… look,

you've really got to get into the physicality of it.

Right? You're an early human.

You don't even have a language yet.

So use your body to communicate.

And attract.

Sure. Yeah. Got it.

- Great. - Cool.

And… action!

Cut.

Stop right there.

I'm just going to cue you. Okay?

- Cool. - Cool. So, um, hunch down.

Lower.

Good.

Um, now use your body to, to find him.

Look for him.

You look for your mate.

Look around.

Turn left. Turn right.

Up. Down.

Great. You see him.

Now attract.

No, don't pout.

Scowl. Let me see those teeth.

Scowl. Cut.

What the fuck is a mating dance?

A ritualistic dance that gets performed before the actual mating ritual.

We do it all the time.

Okay, fine. But like, does it have to be so…

Does it have to be so unattractive?

Your agent said that you have experience in physical theatre?

I do.

So what's the problem?

If you're unhappy with what is required,

then we can just recast.

♪ Girl, I wanna go to this dance ♪

♪ Can't you see? ♪

♪ All I wanna do is be free ♪

♪ Free, free, free ♪

- What's wrong? - Nothing.

Okay.

- My big role for the BBC? - Mm-hmm.

Turns out I'm a fucking Neanderthal.

And a horny one at that.

I nearly threw out my back from all the dry humping.

Why don't you just quit?

There must be loads of work waiting for you. Hmm?

No?

What about the tile shop?

We're detouring.

Why do I need to leave my bag in the car?

And now?

Just follow me.

What are we doing here?

Gents, can I have the yellow one, please?

Just mind your step.

Oh, thank you.

Oh no, I'm not…

I'm not getting in that thing. This water is…

gross.

It actually comes straight from a spring in the Magaliesburg.

Yeah, I don't care.

That is hideous.

I'm not getting in the boat, Grant.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

Take it all in and…

feel the air on your skin.

Just enjoy it.

You know I often just come here just to…

just to feel present.

Being on the water just…

makes me feel alive.

Carla says I should give up acting.

She says that dreams in your thirties are embarrassing.

What do you think?

I think, um…

Sometimes I…

I feel like I'm not living the life I was supposed to be.

Or something.

Who decides what life you're supposed to be living?

Everyone who is not me.

You can decide.

I mean, you can decide

who you want to be or

what you wanna do.

Do… Do these look cheap?

I'm not even sure what that means.

Fuck.

Instead of buying tiles and then replacing them,

why didn't your mother just give you a bigger budget in the first place?

Talking about my mother here, Grant.

What does that mean?

You…

You just flush money down the toilet, Sondra.

No wonder you're not married.

Men will take one look at you and run away

because they know you're going to waste their money!

She can't say those things to you.

You know, I've had a lot of disappointments in my life, Sondra.

But you are by far the biggest.

You're kidding, right?

Everyone's got parents, right?

Mine are just finely attuned to improving me.

Well, you make it sound so funny.

It's not funny at all.

These are beautiful.

Jokes.

It's not so bad.

Ah, I guess I could just go with these.

- Hi. - I need you.

Like, right now.

- It's a motherfucking emergency. - I'm at the tile shop.

Which one?

I found it in Jerry's gym bag

as I was fishing out his disgusting sweat-encrusted socks.

It's a secret phone.

And then I found this.

What… What is that?

Are you blind, it's a vagina.

Although the wax job makes it look more like Friar Tuck.

- It's not that bad. - It's practically a comb-over.

It's not the point.

That motherfucker is having a motherfucking affair.

Some cunt sent him a picture of her actual cunt and I'm going to kill him.

Then I'm going to kill the bitch who stole my husband.

- You are jumping to conclusions. - Conclusions?

It's not my vagina, is it?

Jesus, I can't believe you're on his side.

- I'm not on his side. - Bullshit!

- Grant! - Wait. What are you doing?

Where are you going? What's happening?

I'm trying to get sympathy from someone, Sondra.

Okay. Just leave Grant out of this. Just…

The owner of that vagina is a piece of shit.

Thank you.

- Are you okay? - Quiet, Grant.

‎Sorry.

- What are you doing? - I'm joining Tinder.

- Carla. - Don't judge me.

I've been waiting to do this for years.

And I'm going to get half of everything.

More than half and I'm moving in with you.

What?! What about the kids?

I need a break.

Jerry has no idea how hard it is

looking after them day in, day out.

My parents are about to kick me out, Car.

So we'll find a place together. It'll be like old times.

No, no, no. You're not thinking clearly.

I think I am.

Party at ours tonight.

Thank you so much, Grant.

Sorry about this.

I just, I can't have a party without a toilet, you know?

No problem.

I've been in Carla's position,

so I get the need to blow off some steam.

Do you want to, uh, stay for the party?

Okay.

‎

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Oh, God. He's gross but yes.

- Yes. Yes. - Hey!

Apollo!

Apollo.

Look at him.

Sure know how to throw a party.

You okay?

I honestly don't know.

God, you guys are so boring.

Come to the bathroom. I've got a surprise. Come.

Come to the bathroom.

I've gotta surprise for you.

Oh! Whoa!

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

No, thanks. I don't do coke.

It's one little line. It's not gonna hurt you.

No, I'm… I'm good.

Look, after my wife left me, I hit rock bottom

and I don't want to go back there.

So I think I should leave.

Hmm. Guess he's scratched off your list.

Divorced and a drug addict.

Two no-nos for Son-son.

Hmm.

Do that again.

Faster, pony.

Harder, pony.

Oh, you're so close.

So close to winning the Derby.

Son?

Son, wake up!

I banged Apollo. I banged the fucking drug dealer.

- I know. I heard. - I think he stole my phone.

I don't remember if we used a condom.

I'm fucking insane.

Okay. What do we do?

Well I, I need a bunch of tests.

All the tests.

And I need you to go out and get me the morning-after pill right now.

- Please. Please. - No. You go.

Are you gonna help me look after baby Apollo?

Because I can feel this little embryo growing inside me

while we sit around here debating the fucking issue.

Jesus.

Thank you.

All right, guys.

Daddy's got to go and talk to Aunty Son.

Just hold on for a minute.

Jerry, what the actual fuck?

Carla is inside the house.

What?!

- I thought she would have gone to a hotel. - No, she's inside.

- Look, we need to talk. - About what?

You can't just shut me out.

- We're in this together. - No, Jerry, we're not.

Piss off, Jerry.

Look, I am out here in the middle of the street.

- My wife is crashing... - Shut up! Shut up!

My wife is crashing on your couch. My kids are in the car raising hell.

Now, I am not going anywhere until you say something to me.

You need to crack a window for them.

Huh? Oh, shit.

I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

Okay. Daddy's here.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

- You are the one who kissed me. - No, I wasn't!

Yes, you did. You opened this door.

The number you have dialled is unavailable.

Please try again later.

Oh, you found your phone.

It's Jerry's phone.

- Do you think this is a good one? - What?

The vagina.

It's average.

Clearly better than mine.

Since we had Levi, it's never been the same.

Jerry loves you for more than your vagina, Carla.

I really fucked up, Son.

I can't believe I cheated on Jerry last night.

You know, as I was um… screwing Apollo,

all I could think about was Jerry.

How he… runs me a bubble bath

when he knows the kids are getting too much.

How he tells me I look gorgeous,

even though I know I look terrible.

How he lets me binge-watch series

by taking the kids to Tasha's.

How he… he listens.

Really listens.

I miss him.

Son.

I even miss his…

crotchy Spandex cycling pants.

Do…

Do you think he'll take me back?

Of course, he's going to take you back.

Everything's going to be okay.

Where are you going?

I… I can't.

I can't run you a hot, essential oil bubble bath because…

um…

But I can go to the store and I can get us some food before we die.

Oh, thank God.

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

Hey.

Hey.

It's good to see you.

I did kiss you.

I'm the one who started this whole thing and…

Jerry, you have to understand, we're friends.

There's nothing more between us. And there never will be.

I felt something real.

Yeah, fine. There was…

There was something real. But it cannot be between you and me.

I…

I want someone who treats me the way you treat Carla.

And I was looking for that in the wrong place and I'm…

Fuck, I'm sorry.

Well…

That sucks.

Jerry, I know Carla's difficult.

But you guys have a whole world together.

You've literally loved her since the moment you saw her on stage at varsity.

And she loves you too.

More than she will ever admit.

This really sucks.

Everything's going to be okay.

Yeah, what do you know?

Okay, bye.

‎Fuck! Fuck!

Jerry.

Carla.

- Where are the kids? - They're with Precious.

I want to come home.

I'm willing to forgive you for the affair.

But then maybe I'm not willing

to forgive you for being a total asshole just yet.

- I don't think you understand... - Do you have any idea

how much I've changed for you.

I mean, I've worked hard to be the man that you want me to be,

to be the husband and father that you want me to be.

But it's never good enough.

I stuck by you when you were breaking up with me all the time in varsity.

I stuck by you when you gave up on your dreams.

Through all your bad behaviour, I was there.

I am still here.

Look, if you want to stay, fine.

But then we need to fix our shit.

And you need to stop treating me like a punching bag

and start treating…

and start treating me as a partner.

Okay.

Okay?

Mommy!

You're kissing!

Just like Daddy and Auntie Sondra.

- Son. Sondra? - I… Look, I can explain.

- Carla. Baby. Carla. - Don't!

It's so gorgeous. Thank you.

I'm just trying to impress your mom.

So I have something to ask you.

And it's totally cool if it's not your thing.

So I need to make a video for social media to boost my business.

And I thought maybe if you wanted,

you could act in it.

I'd pay you, of course.

- Um… - It's totally not your thing, hey?

- It's not your thing. It's totally cool. - No…

- I'm flattered. No, no, no. - It's fine.

- It's okay. - Okay no. Ask me again. Do it again.

Ask me. Go.

- Um… - Sondra!

Two seconds.

Pull up your skirt and show me your vagina.

- Huh? - Lift up your fucking skirt, Sondra.

- Is everything okay? - I'm not going to ask you again.

Lift up your skirt.

What's… What's going on? Some cunt

sent this photo to my husband, Grant.

And I'm pretty sure that that botched wax job belongs to that bitch.

Grant, I can explain. I can…

Show me. I want to see for myself.

You know what?

Enjoy your fucked-up life.

Grant.

- Grant, I can absolutely explain. - You know, I never took you…

took you for a horrible person.

A mess. Yes.

Shallow? Maybe.

Entitled? Absolutely.

Like… I took a chance

and then you have an affair with your best friend's husband.

I didn't have an affair.

It was just a kiss and a… and a picture.

But that's… that's all.

No one deserves to be cheated on.

- I didn't cheat. No, please… - No one!

Trust me.

Grant, please do… I don…

Cut!

I don't know. Like…

It feels kind of forced.

- It's a plastic doll. - The doll I'm buying.

Look, I know that this is a very vulnerable scene but

it's about a real elemental intensity.

Right?

So, a deep kind of pain.

If there's anything from your past that you can use,

that you can bring to this moment, then now is the time.

Right?

Perfect.

And action!

Yes, yes. Keep going!

Keep going. Whatever you're using,

whatever you're doing.

It's amazing.

‎

Fuck.

Inside voices.

Kaylah, don't. Hello.

It's me. Can I come in?

Fucking Joburg.

Carla.

Carla!

Get the fuck out here.

- Carla! - Fuck off, Sondra.

Jerry. Jerry!

- Sondra, don't. - Get outside and fucking talk to me.

- Put that thing down then. - Fine.

What is on your face?

The BBC.

Now, I'm fucking sorry, but fuck you.

What?!

You heard me.

You kissed my husband and exposed yourself to him.

You humiliated me on my 40th birthday.

- You make me feel like a piece of shit. - You undermine me every chance you get.

You fucking hijacked my life at that audition.

For the last time!

I was trying to be supportive.

I didn't know they were going to audition me.

- Then why did you know all the lines? - I helped you rehearse.

- You are the fucking worst! - You're not fucking better than me.

I did not destroy your life.

You were doing a very good job on your own.

Does Jerry know about Apollo?

Don't you fucking dare.

Jesus.

So I need to tell you the truth.

I had sex with someone on the night

that I found Sondra's vagina selfie on your phone.

His name is Apollo. He's a drug dealer.

I'm so sorry.

I was so angry.

And I know that's no excuse.

Hmm.

Was uh…

Was it good?

- What? - Was… Was it good?

It was…

th… thrilling.

No, babe. Hey. Hey.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Tell me about it.

If you remember um…

Sisko.

My… my horse from when I was

- young. - Mm-hmm.

Cut!

That was absolutely fantastic.

It's a wrap on Sondra, everyone.

Well done.

That was amazing.

I mean, it was so visceral, like you…

you just let go in those final moments.

Thank you so much.

And you know, I just want you to know

that you make a great Neanderthal.

Such a natural, even without makeup I'd…

I'd buy it.

- Thank you. - Well done.

Right. Moving on.

Let's go to our next scene.

Assistant, where's my coffee?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

Stop it! Stop! Stop!

Mommy. Hi.

No. No.

No, Mom, I wrapped yesterday.

It's not on TV. They have to edit it first.

Mom.

No, you know what, I…

I actually, I have, I've called you.

I actually, I…

I actually need to ask you something.

I have a question.

Um…

The question that I'm about to ask you

is…

Can I… Can… Can I… Can…

Can I come home?

It's a little bit spicy.

Oh, no I love spicy. Hmm.

Mikayla, that is delicious.

Thank you, my baby.

I'm going to cut some jelly.

Hi. One sec.

Okay, come in!

What is all this?

It's a peace offering.

I'm not touching that.

Yeah, okay. Okay.

- I was an awful friend. - I behaved

like a total childish pig.

I was a bad, bad friend.

No, I was worse. Way worse.

I told everyone that Diego licked your arse.

I kissed your husband.

I fucked the drug dealer.

- I missed you. - I missed you.

Is everything okay with you and Jerry?

It's actually better than ever.

We're talking, finally communicating.

- And the other stuff, - Oh we haven't gotten there yet.

I was waiting for my test results to come back.

I am clear.

Okay. Okay. Good.

- What is this? - Right, okay.

So I bought this with some of the money that I earned from the BBC.

I have this idea that I want to talk to you about.

That is a terrible financial decision.

And…

Action.

Oh. Hi!

My poor friend Wilma's bathroom

is from the stone ages.

Her geyser leaks, her pipes keep bursting

and her tiles are…

positively prehistoric.

To be honest, I think it's affecting her.

With all the hunting and gathering she does.

She doesn't have time to fix her bathroom herself.

That's what I'm suggesting

she calls Grant from Grant's Construction.

Because not only can he modernize a bathroom,

but he also knows how to wear shorts.

Cut!

Very good. So impressive. Excellent.

- What?! - Grant's Construction…

Guys, this is… This is brilliant.

- Really? - This is absolutely fucking brilliant.

- Yeah. - Mmm.

I can't believe I get to share my stable with a stud like you.

Come on. Faster, pony.

Harder, horsie.

Alright.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

- Very well. Very well. - Oh, grab my mane.

- Grab my mane. - Okay. Pulling it.

- Oh, put on my bridle. - Okay. Don't shout at me.

- Put on my bridle! - I think they're getting us a horse.

Would you like a coffee?

Hmm?

- Coffee? Okay. - Sure.

I told you if we cut those branches,

the hadedas would go nest somewhere else.

I told you.

But no, no, no, no.

You said, "Oh no, it'll give us more sun in the garden."

Well, I mean, honestly, I'm sick of it. I saw them.

They… They came and ripped that whole nest down

and now they've moved next door.

I don't know.

It's so unfair.

Twenty-five years, they've roosted here in the garden,

nested and had their babies. You know that. We've seen them. They…

Eat those olives. I've told you, they're good for you.

- No! - Yes.

That's what I'm suggesting.

She calls Grant from Grant's Construction

because not only can he modernize a bathroom…

It's gone viral.

My video.

Lots of people watched it.

It's official.

The deal just came through last night. You are looking at the owner of a salon.

Aw, look here!

Isn't that amazing, Mommy?

- Aw. Oh. - I'm so excited.

Aw, that's wonderful.

It's going to be gorgeous.

- It's gonna be pink. - I'm just proud of you.

- Wowee. - Oh thank you, Sis. Oh.

Are you the girl from the Cave Woman video?

I am.

Rad.

Okay, let's spread your cheeks.

Are you Sandra?

- It's Sondra. - Sondra, sorry.

No, no worries.

Have a lie-down. I'll be right with you.

I think I'll just sit.

- Thanks. - Okay. Suit yourself.

I um… saw your video.

Oh okay.

Okay, lift your arm.

Wait. I'm a TV producer.

We want to talk to you about

developing the characters in your video into a show.

What?!

You're a Neanderthal. She's a modern woman.

And you two are best friends living together,

navigating love and life.

Think The Flintstones meets Sex and the City.

So you're not my 10:00a.m. appointment?

No.

A TV show.

Carls.

Are you ready to be huge, friend?

Right?

- What's wrong? - It's…

It's amazing.

And, and I'm so…

I'm so excited for you, Sondra.

But I think I'm good.

I think I'm good.

But when you blow up, I am your plus one to everything.

And Jerry knows that Chris Pratt is on my list

- and Mama's going to collect. - I promise you, I won't fight you for him.

To you. Sondra da Silva.

- Thank you, my friend. - I love you.

You can have Chris Pratt. I like Chris Pine.

Mommy! Dad! I've got good news.

Ah, your friend Grant's here, Sondra.

He's cute. Why didn't you say he was cute?

And a business owner.

What good is cute when he took so long? What took you so long, Grant?

- I'm sorry, Mrs. da Silva. - Don't apologize to me.

Apologize to Sondra.

I'm sorry, Sondra.

Like, I know I should have come sooner.

But…

you…

- you're just hard to get a hold of and… - Can't you Google, Grant?

Is there somewhere private where we can talk?

No. Whatever you say to her, you can say to us.

Thank you for the, the video that you made for me.

I'm sure it did wonders for your business.

It's had hundreds of thousands of hits.

Yes, it has, Mrs. da Silva.

And I'm expanding now.

So, I'm taking on a second team.

You see? And you have my daughter to thank for that.

Mom. Relax.

That's what he's doing here. Okay?

Sorry.

Thanks.

Look, I just… I…

I just wanted to make amends

for like, being a terrible person.

You… you were right about…

About everything.

No.

I was wrong.

You know I was dead wrong.

Okay. Maybe I was a little bit right.

Because you are terrible.

But you're also wonderful.

And I like you.

I like you too.

Well, you must kiss now. Robert, tell them to kiss.

Kiss.

‎

You look amazing.

I love you.

You may now…

‎Subtitle translation by: Ayolope Koiki