Original subtitles

Well, do you think I'm gonna open it?

Idiot.

Step aside, oaf.

You, do what Mama says and you won't get hurt.

Please, ma'am. I'm only the butler.

Well, then, you would know where the safe is, wouldn't you?

Wouldn't you?

Do they really pay you enough for this?

Uh-uh-uh.

This way.

Please.

Electrostatic tumblers. Intermittent timer. Hmm.

I think a magno-bomb should do the job.

A magno-bomb?

What are you trying to do, blow up the whole house?

Again with the criticism?

Look, it's not like this is the first time I've blown up a safe.

No, but it would be the first time you've done it right.

You know, other mothers might show a little confidence in their children.

And other mothers might...

Just do it!

Goggles.

Oh!

You don't know how long I've waited for this.

What else they got?

I have what I came for.

But, Ma, they got all this other stuff.

Are you arguing with your mother?

- Well, no, but... - But?

- Nothing. - Good. Now, come on.

Hello, police? I want to report a robbery.

A ruby ring.

And 20,000 credits.

Ma Mayhem?

A tabloid gave her that name. It was the golden age of alliteration.

So what do you want me to do? Wait till she tries to fence the ruby?

I have a feeling she'll be holding onto it.

There was another robbery a week ago.

- More rubies? - Exactly.

What's she gonna do with them all?

Don't know, but I have a feeling she's not making slippers.

- Slippers? From rubies? - Mmm. Before your time.

What I need from you is...

It'II have to wait till tonight. I got to get to class.

It's family studies, and I'm failing.

How does someone fail family studies?

Today's question is,

how many of you expect to be parents someday?

Excellent.

This week's project will help show you what parenthood is all about.

And for those of you who are failing,

it will be one last chance to catch up

because this assignment will count for a full half of your final grade.

Aww!

Yes, they do look cute,

until you have the responsibility of caring for them.

And that's exactly what you'll be doing this week.

That means feeding it, bathing it rocking it, whatever it takes.

I've divided you into random couples.

Nelson, you'll be paired with Maxine.

John Kay and Rachel Ing.

Frankie Lewis and Matilda Ides.

Howard Groote and Dana Tan.

Hi, honey.

Terry McGinnis and Blade Sommer.

Steven Tetsuo and Jackie Wallis.

Hey, looks a little like you, McGinnis.

Careful, Dana.

You've got make sure to support his head.

Howard, that's all it is, is a head.

- So, you want to hold it? - Huh? Oh, sure.

Corey Cavalieri and Ruth Wade.

Each of your eggbabies has a built-in computer

which registers the amount of care or lack of care it's given.

These readings will determine your grades.

As you can see, the babies exhibit

a wide range of emotions and expressions of need.

It's your job to fulfill those needs.

Ms. Pinto, what happens if we drop it?

You fail.

They're babies, Mr. McGinnis. You must be gentle with them.

How do I turn it off?

You can't, but you can quiet it down by rocking it, just like a real baby.

Yeah, McGinnis, get with the program.

Turns out she's not stealing just any rubies.

They're all part of a set she stole once before.

And now that she's out of prison, she wants them back.

So much for rehabilitation.

Ma's very determined.

And that makes her and her boys very dangerous.

Your ride's on its way.

I'll meet it on the roof.

- Blade! - Here. You take him.

- Blade, you can't just... - I didn't realize how much it cried.

Besides, I have a date with Jurgen tonight.

We can't exactly take the thing along, can we?

But I had it all day, and I've got something important to do.

I don't care.

My instruments say you're only doing 180.

Is there a problem?

Uh, she's feeling a little sluggish tonight.

Didn't want to push it.

- What was that? - Nothing.

The ruby earrings from the set are part of an estate sale tomorrow.

Sure called this one right.

What's going on there? Is that a baby?

Um...

You brought a baby with you?

It's not what you think. Really.

Terry, is there something you need to tell me?

It's not a child. It's... Turn on your vidlink.

See? It's not a real baby.

Why am I not reassured?

I hope that computer of yours can't smell.

- Was that Batman? Dumpster diving? - A fella's gotta eat.

Something's wrong.

He's not eating. Why isn't he eating?

Maybe because you're trying to feed him through his nose.

Does yours say anything yet?

I swear, I heard little Howie say, "Papa."

I mean, it sounded like "Papa."

It'll be a long time before I'll be wanting anyone to call me that.

It's not so bad, McGinnis.

Really.

Here's the bio and civics.

Thanks, hon. How about the math?

It's coming. Stop nagging.

I get it, you're doing his homework

so you don't have to take care of the baby.

We opted for the traditional marriage. One breadwinner, one homemaker.

Beats algebra.

Come on, Howard.

You promised I could have him for a while.

Okay, but he just ate, so he's going to be a little fussy.

And keep him covered.

I thought I heard a bit of a sneeze before.

- And... - Howard.

And how's our little A-plus doing?

He's sleeping. You'll hardly know he's around.

Forget it.

Jurgen has this new vid I want to check out.

I want a divorce!

Do you have to keep lugging that thing around with you?

I need the grade.

Even real parents with real children find ways to get away for a night.

I tired leaving it with my mom,

but she said she was too young to be a grandmother.

- What about your brother? - I tried that, too.

Then I caught him shooting rubber bands at it.

Hey. You know, maybe you could...

Never mind.

It's the one piece they haven't gotten yet.

Part of a display at the Museum of Fashion.

You think baby could keep its mouth shut for one night?

I gave it a double feeding, changed it, kept it awake all afternoon.

Believe me, it'll be off in nap city for hours.

This will be perfect. Now, please, don't wake up.

Ha! The tramp. Get it off her.

Carl.

There could've been an alarm.

There wasn't.

Now, let's get out of here before pointy ears shows his mug again.

Too late.

This is getting old, Batman.

Look who's talking.

Come on, let's go. You, too, Carl.

Brute strength always loses out to technique, Carl.

Didn't Mama ever tell you that?

Mama!

Nobody hurts my boys.

Leave him. We got what we came for.

The baby.

No sign of him anywhere.

I've lost him.

Him?

That's a doll you're talking about, not a life.

It's my life, if it's lost.

I'll have to take family studies again! Have you ever taken family studies?

Poor kid's gonna cry till he shuts down.

Its cries are computer generated, aren't they?

Yeah. 80?

That would mean the cries

would have certain quantifiable digital properties.

Then I can set the Batmobile to scan for them, can't I?

Uh-huh.

Unless they've already made an omelet out of him.

Oh, hey.

Well, boys, we did it.

Got the whole set.

Oh, yeah, we did it all right,

but while we were wasting time with this,

we could have stolen stuff worth ten times as much.

Nothing could be worth more than these jewels.

You hear me? Nothing!

This is the first swag your father and I ever stole together.

We swore we'd never fence it.

It's all I have left of him now that he's... gone.

But, Ma, Dad's not dead. He just ran off with...

Hey!

Don't ever talk that way about your father.

What's that?

It's a baby. Sort of.

I can't make it stop.

Here, give it to me. I can figure it out.

I got the signal! Going to follow it.

Terry, remember, it's not worth risking your life for an egg.

Here. Give it to Mama.

Kind of reminds me of when you two were little.

Get rid of it.

- You sure? It's kind of cute. - Toss it!

But, Ma, maybe we could sell it.

- Carl, I'm getting angry. - Okay, okay.

Sorry, kid.

Company!

I want him out of the picture, for good.

Never mind. Let's grab the loot and get out of here.

Oh?

Daddy's got to go to work now.

- Ma! - I see him. Hang on.

Ahh!

Uh... Uh...

This is how I always pictured it.

Me and my boys carrying on the family business.

We're losing power. I got to put her down.

No!

Mmm.

According to this data,

most of you did borderline jobs as parents.

- Mainly C's. - But, Ms. Pinto?

Yes, Howard, you and Dana fed yours

and rocked it and gave it plenty of nap time

but a baby needs more than that.

Its mind needs to be stimulated, too.

And according to this printout, only one baby was fully stimulated,

the one belonging to Terry and Blade.

Congratulations, Mr. McGinnis.

Who knew you'd turn out to be such ideal father material?

Terry!