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1
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:20,574
Stupid, useless waste of time.
2
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,479
Have a seat. I'll
be right with you.
3
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:29,311
I don't mind saying, I
really hate these checkups.
4
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:32,820
If it weren't part of the police
physical, I wouldn't be here at all.
5
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,517
Oh, come now, commissioner.
6
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:37,424
What in the miserable world
is more beautiful...
7
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:41,192
than a nice, big smile?
8
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:51,911
Naughty, naughty. Jump around like that,
and doctor won't give you a lollipop.
9
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:54,608
You little...
10
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,884
My, my. This doesn't
look good at all.
11
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,648
I'm afraid...
12
00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:07,918
everything will have to go!
13
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:21,398
It was an easy hint, Joker.
Sloppy, predictable.
14
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:27,805
- You're losing your edge.
- Excuse me, but the teeth were my idea.
15
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,642
So is this.
16
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:39,489
That's a real gasser, huh, Mr.
J?
17
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:43,457
I give the punch lines around here.
Got it?
18
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,188
Yes, sir.
19
00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:49,858
Well, Batsy, it's been
a hoot, as always.
20
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:53,034
But I really must run.
21
00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,265
May the floss be with you.
22
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:13,317
I really hate these checkups.
23
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:56,093
Go away. I'm busy.
24
00:03:57,103 --> 00:04:01,233
Come on, Pudding. Don't you
wanna rev up your Harley?
25
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:12,978
Oh, sweetie. I got
the whoopee cushion.
26
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:19,654
Batman was right. That setup
today was corny. Old hat.
27
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:25,721
It's time I capped off our feud
with his ultimate humiliation.
28
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:29,925
Followed by his deliciously
delirious death.
29
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,101
Why don't you just shoot him?
30
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:40,068
Just shoot him? Know
this, my sweet:
31
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:44,012
The death of Batman must be
nothing less than a masterpiece.
32
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:50,384
The triumph of my sheer comic genius
over his ridiculous mask and gadgets.
33
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:57,895
Well, hold the phone.
34
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:02,295
Here's one I forgot. The
Death of 100 Smiles.
35
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:05,768
I'll lure Batman to a
secret lair, then:
36
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:10,272
Plop him into my specially
prepared piranha tank.
37
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:15,312
The last thing he'll see are all those
beautiful, hungry smiles as they rip him to...
38
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:21,544
Oh, wait, wait. Now I remember
why I scrapped this plan.
39
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:25,619
Piranhas can't smile. Even
my own Joker toxin...
40
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:28,386
couldn't get a
giggle out of them.
41
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:33,231
I know how to make
some smiles, Pudding.
42
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,170
Face it, Harl. This stinks.
43
00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:44,307
You're a certified nutso
wanted in 12 states...
44
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:47,412
and hopelessly in love
with a psychopathic clown.
45
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:51,841
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes?
How did it happen?
46
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:55,419
Who's to blame?
Batman, that's who.
47
00:05:55,588 --> 00:06:01,823
Batman! It's always been Batman!
Ruining my life, spoiling my fun.
48
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:07,592
Coming between me and my Pudding
from the very beginning.
49
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:19,211
Harlene Quinzelle?
I'm Joan Leland.
50
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,106
Hi, Joan. Call me Harley.
Everyone does.
51
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:27,947
I must admit, I was surprised you
wanted to intern here at Arkham.
52
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:31,113
Well, I've always had an attraction
for extreme personalities.
53
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:34,954
- They're more exciting, more challenging.
- And more high-profile?
54
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:38,222
You can't deny the element of
glamour to these supercriminals.
55
00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:41,558
I'll warn you right now, these
are hard-core psychotics.
56
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:46,933
If you're thinking about cashing in on them
by writing a tell-all book, think again.
57
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,581
They'd eat a novice
like you for breakfast.
58
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:24,072
Care to tell me how
this got in my office?
59
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,734
I put it there.
60
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:29,507
I think the guards would be interested
to know you've been out of your cell.
61
00:07:29,682 --> 00:07:33,015
If you really were going to
tell, you already would've.
62
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:37,520
You know, sweets, I like what I've
heard about you, especially the name.
63
00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:42,753
Harley Quinzelle. Rework it a
bit, and you get Harley Quinn.
64
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:47,423
Like the clown character Harlequin.
I know. I've heard it before.
65
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,866
It's a name that puts
a smile on my face.
66
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:58,204
It makes me feel there's
someone here I can relate to.
67
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:02,781
Someone who might like
to hear my secrets.
68
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,846
It took me nearly three
months to set up a session.
69
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:12,219
I studied all his tricks and gimmicks,
and felt I was ready for anything.
70
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:16,692
You know, my father used to
beat me up pretty badly.
71
00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:21,266
- Anything except that.
- Every time I got out of line:
72
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:25,069
Oh, sometimes I'd be just
sitting there, doing nothing.
73
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:30,108
Pops tended to favor
the grape, you see.
74
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:34,444
There was only one time I
ever saw Dad really happy.
75
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:37,174
He took me to the
circus when I was 7.
76
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:43,486
Oh, I still remember clowns running
around, dropping their pants.
77
00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:48,523
My old man laughed so hard,
I thought he'd bust a gut.
78
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:53,359
So the next night, I ran out to meet him
with his Sunday pants around my ankles.
79
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,694
"Hi, Dad. Look at me."
80
00:08:56,903 --> 00:09:02,466
I took a big pratfall and tore the
crotch clean out of his pants.
81
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,812
And then he broke my nose.
82
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:16,551
But, hey, that's the
downside of comedy.
83
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:20,557
You're always taking shots from
folks who just don't get the joke.
84
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:24,185
Like my dad. Or Batman.
85
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,662
It soon became clear to
me that the Joker...
86
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:30,325
so often described as a
raving, homicidal madman...
87
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:34,663
was actually a tortured soul crying
out for love and acceptance.
88
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:40,206
A lost, injured child trying to
make the world laugh at his antics.
89
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:47,182
And there, as always, was
the self-righteous Batman.
90
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:52,187
Determined to make life
miserable for my angel.
91
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,493
Yes, I admit it.
92
00:09:57,663 --> 00:10:01,827
As unprofessional as it sounds, I
had fallen in love with my patient.
93
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:05,462
- Pretty crazy, huh?
- Not at all.
94
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:08,072
As a dedicated, career-oriented
young woman...
95
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:11,802
you felt the need to abstain
from all amusement and fun.
96
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:15,539
It's only natural you'd be attracted to
a man who could make you laugh again.
97
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:18,874
- I knew you'd understand.
- Anytime.
98
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,686
Then there was that horrible
week when he escaped.
99
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,789
The poor thing was on the
run, alone and frightened.
100
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,448
- I was so worried.
- They've got him.
101
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,535
No!
102
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,386
Hey!
103
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:42,592
Knock-knock, Pudding. Say hello to
your new, improved Harley Quinn.
104
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:57,006
It seemed like we would
live happily ever after.
105
00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:03,655
But that'll never happen as long
as there's a Batman around...
106
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:06,451
to torment my Pudding.
107
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,825
If this tape reaches Batman, I hope
it's not too late for you to help me.
108
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:21,030
It's no joke. Mr. J's gone
off his nut for real.
109
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:23,300
Because you stopped him
from killing Gordon...
110
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,309
he's gonna take out the whole city.
I've seen the plans...
111
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,380
the gas bombs, everything!
112
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,684
I finally realize this
isn't funny anymore.
113
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:37,084
I can help you get him if
you promise me protection.
114
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,036
Open it.
115
00:12:56,909 --> 00:12:59,400
- Okay?
- I want Gordon to see these.
116
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:02,912
- If what you say is true, the police will...
- Traitor!
117
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:06,745
No one turns stoolie
on me and lives!
118
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,997
Sweet dreams, sucker.
119
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:48,550
- Quinn.
- Oh, you're awake finally.
120
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:51,526
The Joker. Where?
121
00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:56,225
It's just me, B-man. No Joker,
no gas bombs, no city in peril.
122
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:58,962
Just you, that tank and me.
123
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,235
- Why?
- To show Mr. J...
124
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,637
I could really pull
off one of his plans.
125
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,243
See, he could never get
these fishies to smile...
126
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:10,781
but then I had the bright idea of
hanging the victim... That's you.
127
00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:15,649
- Upside down. That way, to you,
it'll look like they're smiling.
128
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:19,151
- Clever?
- Brilliant.
129
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,929
Yeah, yeah, I can tell
you're less than thrilled.
130
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:29,492
You know, for what it's worth, I
actually enjoyed some of our romps.
131
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,600
But there comes a time
when a gal wants more.
132
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:37,766
And now all this gal wants is to settle
down with her loving sweetheart.
133
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:41,902
- You and the Joker?
- Right-a-roony.
134
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:47,782
I've never seen you laugh before.
I don't think I like it.
135
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:51,684
Cut it out. You're
giving me the creeps.
136
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:56,226
You little fool. The Joker doesn't
love anything except himself.
137
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:57,692
Wake up, Harlene.
138
00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:02,691
He had you pegged for hired help
the minute you walked into Arkham.
139
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,362
That's not...
140
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,665
No. No!
141
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,139
He told me things, secret
things, he never told anyone.
142
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:15,872
Was it his line about the abusive father?
Or the one about the runaway mom?
143
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,539
He's gained a lot of
sympathy with that one.
144
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:21,653
Stop it! You're
making me confused!
145
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:25,848
What was it he told that one
parole officer? Oh, yes.
146
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:29,825
"There was only one time I
ever saw Dad really happy.
147
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:32,828
He took me to the ice
show when I was 7."
148
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:39,369
- Circus. He said it was the circus.
- He's got a million of them, Harley.
149
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:47,811
You're wrong. My Pudding does love me!
He does! You're the problem.
150
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:53,280
And now you're gonna die
and make everything right.
151
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,945
Except he'll never
believe you did it.
152
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,880
Sure he will.
153
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,549
How's Joker gonna
know I'm really gone?
154
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:04,560
All those fish will leave are
scraps of bone and cloth.
155
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:06,698
Anyone can fake that.
156
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:10,131
True, you've got my belt, but
it's not the same as a body.
157
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,901
He'll never buy it.
158
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:19,270
Boring. Lame. Not funny.
159
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,412
Been done. Too Riddler.
160
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,411
What?!
161
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:25,641
Harley?
162
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,150
Where the heck have you been?
163
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,414
Yeah, yeah. Batman, eh?
Well, you don't say.
164
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:34,423
You have who tied up where?
165
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:39,826
Well, nerts to you, Mr.
Smarty-Bat.
166
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,796
When I told Mr. J
what I was doing...
167
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:45,994
he was so thrilled he
could hardly speak.
168
00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:47,897
Harley!
169
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:52,134
Hi, Pudding. You're just
in time to see the Ba...
170
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,482
Excuse me, I'll
be just a minute.
171
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,250
But, Pudding, I
don't understand.
172
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,945
Don't you wanna finally
get rid of Batman?
173
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,148
Only if I do it, idiot!
174
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:09,590
But it's still your plan, see?
Everything just like you said.
175
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:14,324
Except I hung the guy upside down so he'd
see their little frowns as little smiles.
176
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,865
Now it all works.
177
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,435
Except you had to
explain it to me!
178
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:22,062
If you have to explain a
joke, there is no joke!
179
00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:24,975
Now, calm down, Pudding.
180
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:28,511
You've forgotten what I
told you a long time ago...
181
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:31,149
one of the painful
truths of comedy:
182
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:35,777
You always take shots from folks
who just don't get the joke!
183
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:48,960
And don't call me "Pudding."
184
00:17:55,541 --> 00:18:00,103
My fault. I didn't get the joke.
185
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:03,841
I really have to
apologize for the kid.
186
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,314
No respect for tradition.
187
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:10,080
Let's just pretend the whole thing never
happened and do this some other time.
188
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,348
Okay?
189
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:22,430
Then again, this is a
rather rare opportunity.
190
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:25,869
You know what they say:
191
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:28,529
"A bat in the hand is
worth two in the belfry."
192
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:32,768
I guess you're going out
on a laugh after all.
193
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,950
Real funny, Batman!
194
00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:02,806
Made you look!
195
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,640
She almost had me, you know.
196
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,908
Arms and legs chained, dizzy from
the blood rushing to my head.
197
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,988
I had no way out other than
convincing her to call you.
198
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:22,324
I knew your massive ego would never allow
anyone else the honor of killing me.
199
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:26,658
Though I have to admit, she came a
lot closer than you ever did...
200
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,027
Pudding.
201
00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:09,101
Though Joker has been notorious for
resurfacing when least expected...
202
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:13,836
it seems unlikely that he has survived
his latest brush with Batman.
203
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:20,042
Never again. No
more obsession...
204
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,087
no more craziness...
205
00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:30,220
no more Joker.
206
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:40,469
I finally see that
slime for what he is:
207
00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:45,467
A murderous, manipulative,
irredeemable...
208
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,017
Angel.
209
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,607
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