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1
00:00:07,581 --> 00:00:09,249
This coffee is so good.
2
00:00:09,478 --> 00:00:11,384
It's got a nice body,
3
00:00:11,395 --> 00:00:13,344
a lot of light, biscuity notes up front,
4
00:00:13,355 --> 00:00:16,044
but it fades to reveal
an earthy yet creamy finish.
5
00:00:16,055 --> 00:00:18,191
Is it a shade-grown single origin?
6
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,082
It's Folgers, Dave.
7
00:00:23,377 --> 00:00:24,878
That was my next guess.
8
00:00:26,897 --> 00:00:28,601
- Hey-hey.
- Hey, Pops.
9
00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,585
We got a package at our
house addressed to you.
10
00:00:30,596 --> 00:00:32,014
Well, all right.
11
00:00:32,025 --> 00:00:33,879
And with a few days to spare,
12
00:00:33,890 --> 00:00:36,986
I finally got the perfect
present for Tina's birthday.
13
00:00:36,997 --> 00:00:39,214
Got to do it big for
your boo. (CHUCKLES)
14
00:00:39,441 --> 00:00:42,477
Yeah, and Dad has a bad
history with Mom's birthdays.
15
00:00:42,578 --> 00:00:44,866
- Yep, he is 0 for all of them.
- Yeah.
16
00:00:45,899 --> 00:00:47,926
Remember when he got her
that fancy vacuum cleaner?
17
00:00:47,979 --> 00:00:50,218
Oh, she was so upset.
18
00:00:50,472 --> 00:00:53,618
She vacuumed through every
football game that season.
19
00:00:55,092 --> 00:00:57,035
Well, don't forget her 40th.
20
00:00:57,213 --> 00:00:58,933
- The cake.
- Mm.
21
00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:00,129
Was it a carrot cake?
22
00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:02,514
You know, vegetables
have no place in cakes.
23
00:01:02,525 --> 00:01:03,759
Full stop.
24
00:01:04,554 --> 00:01:05,691
I like zucchini bread.
25
00:01:05,702 --> 00:01:06,736
No!
26
00:01:08,517 --> 00:01:10,578
It turns out that she was allergic.
27
00:01:10,634 --> 00:01:12,643
Her face swelled up like a blowfish.
28
00:01:12,654 --> 00:01:14,926
That's why the next
year, I got her a car.
29
00:01:14,937 --> 00:01:17,159
And ran over her foot with said car.
30
00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:20,771
Well, I couldn't see over the big bow.
31
00:01:21,296 --> 00:01:23,608
But this year is going to be different.
32
00:01:24,307 --> 00:01:26,817
I got her the most amazing gift.
33
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,245
A genuine Chanel jacket
34
00:01:29,276 --> 00:01:32,145
straight off the runways of Paris.
35
00:01:32,849 --> 00:01:35,773
Look like it came straight
from the Guangdong Province.
36
00:01:37,905 --> 00:01:40,022
(CHUCKLES) She's gonna love it, baby...
37
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,069
- DAVE: Here we go.
- Ah, yes.
38
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,469
Oh, no.
39
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,291
Hey, man, that's too small.
40
00:01:48,915 --> 00:01:50,191
I can see that, Dave.
41
00:01:50,202 --> 00:01:53,357
Yeah, so I don't have to point
out that it's spelled "channel"?
42
00:01:54,283 --> 00:01:55,618
Uh, no.
43
00:01:55,937 --> 00:01:58,129
Well, looks like your streak continues.
44
00:01:58,140 --> 00:01:59,611
(LAUGHS)
45
00:02:02,238 --> 00:02:03,736
- Hey.
- CALVIN: Hey.
46
00:02:03,747 --> 00:02:05,148
Now, what are you boys up to?
47
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,546
Nothing. (LAUGHS)
48
00:02:06,557 --> 00:02:08,547
Well, I hope you're not getting me
49
00:02:08,558 --> 00:02:10,526
anything extravagant for my birthday.
50
00:02:10,699 --> 00:02:13,453
I don't need anything.
All I need is you.
51
00:02:13,849 --> 00:02:15,679
Well, you know you got that.
52
00:02:16,172 --> 00:02:19,031
You know? But I got to do
a little something for my baby, now.
53
00:02:19,042 --> 00:02:21,454
Okay, I'm just saying,
when you look this good
54
00:02:21,465 --> 00:02:24,222
at my age, you can't ask
for anything more, right?
55
00:02:24,233 --> 00:02:25,856
- You know what I mean?
- You know that's right.
56
00:02:25,867 --> 00:02:27,692
- You know what I mean?
- Fine as hell.
57
00:02:27,703 --> 00:02:29,672
- You do it, Mama.
- Okay.
58
00:02:29,981 --> 00:02:31,449
(MALCOLM CHUCKLES)
59
00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:34,238
Oh, man, she is definitely
going to want more.
60
00:02:36,078 --> 00:02:38,426
Luckily, we found the perfect gift.
61
00:02:38,437 --> 00:02:40,164
Oh, yes, we did.
62
00:02:40,175 --> 00:02:42,047
The latest in ergonomic sneakers
63
00:02:42,058 --> 00:02:44,175
because she's always complaining
about how her feet hurt.
64
00:02:44,186 --> 00:02:45,926
Well, they did get run over.
65
00:02:47,982 --> 00:02:49,611
Okay, how much do you want for 'em?
66
00:02:49,622 --> 00:02:52,095
(CHUCKLES) Daddy, they're not for sale.
67
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:55,445
Come on, guys. Look,
I'll give you $300 cash right now.
68
00:02:55,456 --> 00:02:57,691
(LAUGHS) No, my brother.
69
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,267
You have got to get your own.
70
00:02:59,278 --> 00:03:00,381
(LAUGHTER)
71
00:03:00,392 --> 00:03:01,627
Watch out.
72
00:03:01,638 --> 00:03:03,573
- Move out the way.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
73
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,386
- mm-hmm.
- Ooh!
74
00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:08,906
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
75
00:03:08,917 --> 00:03:10,429
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
76
00:03:15,670 --> 00:03:17,257
Oh, hey, babe.
77
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:20,776
What's going on?
78
00:03:20,787 --> 00:03:23,265
Our online fundraising
auction goes live tonight,
79
00:03:23,276 --> 00:03:25,022
and our donations suck.
80
00:03:25,033 --> 00:03:27,970
What are you talking about?
I just donated juggling lessons.
81
00:03:30,032 --> 00:03:31,612
Yeah. Anyway,
82
00:03:32,221 --> 00:03:35,447
I'm waiting for Jerry O'Connell
to walk by to pick up his kids.
83
00:03:35,458 --> 00:03:37,429
I'm going to
"accidentally" bump into him
84
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,558
and get him to donate
VIP tickets to The Talk.
85
00:03:39,569 --> 00:03:42,446
Oh, finally, the day I get
to chop it up with Jerry.
86
00:03:43,026 --> 00:03:44,799
- Ooh, there he is.
- He's mine. Jerry.
87
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:46,612
Jerry! Ooh! Oh!
88
00:03:46,972 --> 00:03:48,127
Oh...
89
00:03:48,351 --> 00:03:51,312
Fire! Uh, false alarm. (CHUCKLES)
90
00:03:51,485 --> 00:03:53,108
- Hey.
- You okay?
91
00:03:53,118 --> 00:03:54,357
Yeah, I'm fine.
92
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,133
Hey, can I ask you a quick question?
93
00:03:56,144 --> 00:03:59,492
No, I don't know how I got
Rebecca Romijn to marry me.
94
00:04:01,326 --> 00:04:03,061
(STRAINED LAUGHTER)
95
00:04:03,072 --> 00:04:05,635
That's funny. I-I'm her husband Dave.
96
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:08,428
- I don't know how I got her to marry me either.
- Oh.
97
00:04:09,718 --> 00:04:12,939
So, anyway, our big
online fundraiser is coming up,
98
00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:14,355
and I was wondering if you might be
99
00:04:14,366 --> 00:04:16,074
able to donate something to auction off.
100
00:04:16,085 --> 00:04:17,670
Of course. I'm pretty sure
101
00:04:17,681 --> 00:04:20,397
I have a Kindle that's still in the box.
102
00:04:20,408 --> 00:04:21,613
Brand-new.
103
00:04:21,966 --> 00:04:24,688
Oh, uh, yeah, thanks.
104
00:04:24,836 --> 00:04:27,732
I'm kidding. How many VIP
tickets to The Talk do you need?
105
00:04:27,743 --> 00:04:31,183
Oh, four. Yes. Thank you. Thank you.
106
00:04:31,194 --> 00:04:32,829
Hooah.
107
00:04:33,944 --> 00:04:35,145
I'm sorry?
108
00:04:35,156 --> 00:04:36,375
No, I'm... I just...
109
00:04:36,386 --> 00:04:37,853
- I-I don't...
- Oh.
110
00:04:37,864 --> 00:04:40,619
I don't mean to embarrass
you, but, uh, I just...
111
00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:43,686
Scent of a Woman is my favorite movie.
112
00:04:43,697 --> 00:04:46,266
Me, too. But that was Chris O'Donnell.
113
00:04:46,488 --> 00:04:48,090
I'm Jerry O'Connell.
114
00:04:54,215 --> 00:04:57,694
♪ ♪
115
00:04:59,045 --> 00:05:01,032
I'll take any idea you got.
116
00:05:01,043 --> 00:05:03,613
I am desperate to
find something special.
117
00:05:03,727 --> 00:05:05,651
Well, I got her this amazing perfume
118
00:05:05,662 --> 00:05:07,720
I found on Oprah's Favorite Things list.
119
00:05:07,731 --> 00:05:10,871
It's designed by her
personal scent sommelier.
120
00:05:11,216 --> 00:05:15,072
Perfect. I'll give you $300
cash right here, right now.
121
00:05:15,173 --> 00:05:18,424
Calvin. Come on,
it's your wife's birthday.
122
00:05:18,435 --> 00:05:20,031
You've got to dig deeper.
123
00:05:20,042 --> 00:05:22,067
All right, $350.
124
00:05:22,078 --> 00:05:23,379
Calvin!
125
00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:26,089
Just, whenever I ask her what she wants,
126
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:28,202
she says, "All I need is you."
127
00:05:28,516 --> 00:05:31,808
Well, yeah, that's what we all say,
but we actually want the gift.
128
00:05:32,618 --> 00:05:35,261
Well, you know,
I got Miss Tina a present.
129
00:05:35,408 --> 00:05:38,076
I'm going to play her
a song on my recorder.
130
00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,880
I've been practicing for weeks.
131
00:05:39,891 --> 00:05:42,881
Grover, that's really
sweet and thoughtful.
132
00:05:43,184 --> 00:05:45,864
Look, say it's from me,
I'll give you $300 cash.
133
00:05:45,875 --> 00:05:48,620
- Mixed bills, tens and 20s.
- Ooh, money, money.
134
00:05:48,631 --> 00:05:50,700
No, no, no, no. No money.
135
00:05:51,193 --> 00:05:53,476
Come on, Calvin, don't give up.
136
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,362
Why not support a good
cause and get her something
137
00:05:55,373 --> 00:05:57,141
from the school auction site?
138
00:05:57,319 --> 00:05:59,485
All right, I guess it couldn't hurt.
139
00:06:00,302 --> 00:06:01,670
(GROANS)
140
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:05,188
Lunch with the football coach. Boo.
141
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,433
- Yeah.
- All right.
142
00:06:06,444 --> 00:06:08,480
Juggling lessons. That's got to be Dave.
143
00:06:08,491 --> 00:06:09,679
(SCOFFS)
144
00:06:09,898 --> 00:06:11,938
A 60-pound weighted blanket?
145
00:06:11,949 --> 00:06:13,585
How do you get out of bed?
146
00:06:14,356 --> 00:06:16,630
It's been a rough year for donations.
147
00:06:16,688 --> 00:06:18,005
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
148
00:06:18,016 --> 00:06:20,513
VIP tickets to The Talk.
149
00:06:20,769 --> 00:06:23,714
Tina loves The Talk.
Sheryl Underwood is her girl.
150
00:06:23,739 --> 00:06:25,328
All right, you know
what? I'll buy those.
151
00:06:25,339 --> 00:06:27,041
Great. Auction goes live tonight.
152
00:06:27,836 --> 00:06:31,835
Okay, well, how about
I give you $300 cash
153
00:06:31,846 --> 00:06:35,035
right now and we cut out the middleman?
154
00:06:36,752 --> 00:06:39,878
The middleman is the scholarship fund
155
00:06:39,889 --> 00:06:41,602
for underprivileged kids.
156
00:06:41,613 --> 00:06:43,949
- Okay, all right. $375.
- No.
157
00:06:44,049 --> 00:06:46,289
$400 and I take Grover for the night.
158
00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:48,416
We all know he can be a handful.
159
00:06:49,271 --> 00:06:50,657
I'm right here.
160
00:06:51,147 --> 00:06:52,915
♪ ♪
161
00:06:53,168 --> 00:06:54,993
Man, this auction is blowing up.
162
00:06:55,004 --> 00:06:57,253
I've had to up my bid, like, nine times.
163
00:06:57,264 --> 00:06:58,675
Scent of a Woman.
164
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,521
How could I be so stupid?
165
00:07:01,328 --> 00:07:03,524
Okay. All right. We're
down to the last minute.
166
00:07:03,535 --> 00:07:04,933
Okay, here we go... oh.
167
00:07:04,944 --> 00:07:05,966
- Oh...
- TINA: Hey.
168
00:07:05,977 --> 00:07:06,977
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- (CLEARS THROAT)
169
00:07:06,988 --> 00:07:08,392
What are you boys doing out here?
170
00:07:08,403 --> 00:07:10,321
Oh, you know, uh, watching porn.
171
00:07:11,969 --> 00:07:13,356
No, we are not.
172
00:07:13,886 --> 00:07:14,926
Oh.
173
00:07:14,937 --> 00:07:16,313
I get it. I get it.
174
00:07:16,324 --> 00:07:18,740
The birthday girl is going
to go back inside now.
175
00:07:18,751 --> 00:07:20,120
Yeah. All right.
176
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:23,061
- Bye.
- Man, that was terrible.
177
00:07:23,478 --> 00:07:25,741
You're lucky I was here. You froze up.
178
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:26,835
(COMPUTER CHIMES)
179
00:07:26,852 --> 00:07:29,487
Oh. Oh, man, I got to up my bid.
180
00:07:29,645 --> 00:07:31,295
Down to the final five seconds.
181
00:07:31,306 --> 00:07:32,875
- Okay, here we go.
- Okay.
182
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,981
Three, two, one.
183
00:07:35,992 --> 00:07:37,103
- Yeah!
- Got it!
184
00:07:37,114 --> 00:07:39,170
Yeah, baby! Let's go!
185
00:07:39,181 --> 00:07:41,167
- Shh!
- You're going to the...
186
00:07:41,270 --> 00:07:44,473
Right, uh, wow, that is
some pretty wild pornography.
187
00:07:46,762 --> 00:07:48,964
♪ ♪
188
00:07:49,430 --> 00:07:52,952
(PLAYING POORLY)
189
00:07:53,129 --> 00:07:55,064
♪ ♪
190
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,756
Oh, wow. Aw.
191
00:08:02,083 --> 00:08:04,295
Oh, thank you, Grover.
192
00:08:04,306 --> 00:08:05,770
Bless your little heart.
193
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,256
That was beautiful.
194
00:08:08,563 --> 00:08:10,200
What was that? "Sweet Caroline"?
195
00:08:10,211 --> 00:08:12,402
I thought it was "Back That Azz Up."
196
00:08:14,784 --> 00:08:16,594
He's been working on it all week.
197
00:08:16,605 --> 00:08:19,170
Yeah, that's easily the
best that it's sounded.
198
00:08:19,181 --> 00:08:20,616
- Yeah.
- TINA: Aw.
199
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,715
Well, thank you, Johnson
family, for my lovely perfume.
200
00:08:23,726 --> 00:08:25,189
And the concert.
201
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,235
- Yeah, yeah, uh, nice effort.
- (LAUGHS)
202
00:08:27,246 --> 00:08:29,381
- Open ours, Mommy.
- Oh, oh.
203
00:08:30,178 --> 00:08:32,953
Okay, let me see what my babies got me.
204
00:08:34,315 --> 00:08:35,550
Ugh.
205
00:08:39,081 --> 00:08:40,916
These are nice.
206
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,234
Is that why you said "ugh"?
207
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,243
Oh, did I? No, no, I...
208
00:08:46,254 --> 00:08:48,904
Well, they look like old lady sneakers.
209
00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:51,155
No, no, no, no, no.
Th-They're not for old ladies.
210
00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:52,976
They're just padded
to relieve foot pain,
211
00:08:52,987 --> 00:08:55,434
improve posture, and
prevent varicose veins.
212
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,630
Well, when you put it like that...
213
00:08:59,641 --> 00:09:01,147
Oh, damn.
214
00:09:03,725 --> 00:09:05,169
Oh, yeah. Look at that.
215
00:09:05,180 --> 00:09:06,914
They're endorsed by Marla Gibbs.
216
00:09:08,323 --> 00:09:10,878
Y'all got y'all mama some Air Gibbs?
217
00:09:13,905 --> 00:09:15,638
We have got to get Mama something else.
218
00:09:15,649 --> 00:09:17,115
Oh, yeah, y'all definitely do.
219
00:09:17,126 --> 00:09:18,628
Yeah, we know, Gemma.
220
00:09:19,582 --> 00:09:22,727
Well, babe, you're going
to need someplace to wear
221
00:09:22,738 --> 00:09:25,042
your nice new Velcro kicks.
222
00:09:25,053 --> 00:09:28,173
- So here you go.
- Oh, that's sweet, baby.
223
00:09:28,184 --> 00:09:30,320
What'd you get me?
224
00:09:30,331 --> 00:09:31,645
Oh, my God!
225
00:09:31,656 --> 00:09:34,558
You got me four tickets to The Talk?
226
00:09:34,569 --> 00:09:37,074
- Yes.
- I get to see my girl Sheryl in person?
227
00:09:37,085 --> 00:09:41,144
Oh, baby, this is the best gift ever.
228
00:09:41,351 --> 00:09:42,895
Hit it, Grover. I'm feeling it.
229
00:09:42,906 --> 00:09:44,640
- (PLAYING POORLY)
- I'm feeling it.
230
00:09:44,740 --> 00:09:47,310
♪ ♪
231
00:09:56,986 --> 00:09:58,621
♪ ♪
232
00:09:59,276 --> 00:10:01,478
Baby, we are in the front row.
233
00:10:01,489 --> 00:10:03,825
I mean, Sheryl is
going to be right there.
234
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,848
- I could touch her.
- Okay, you know what?
235
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:08,375
You know who's else
gonna be right here is security.
236
00:10:08,386 --> 00:10:09,790
- Don't do that, okay?
- Okay.
237
00:10:09,801 --> 00:10:11,168
So exciting.
238
00:10:11,827 --> 00:10:14,323
You know, Jerry is
definitely going to see me.
239
00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:16,951
This is the last chance for
me to save our friendship.
240
00:10:17,012 --> 00:10:18,513
There is no friendship.
241
00:10:19,966 --> 00:10:22,079
Well, not with that
attitude, there isn't.
242
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,323
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Talk.
243
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,299
- ♪ You and me ♪
- ♪ You and me ♪
244
00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:30,587
♪ You know we make
some real good company ♪
245
00:10:30,598 --> 00:10:31,732
♪ Company... ♪
246
00:10:31,953 --> 00:10:34,374
Oh, my God, it's Sheryl! It's Sheryl!
247
00:10:35,014 --> 00:10:37,769
- ♪ You know we make some real good company ♪
- Hi, Sheryl!
248
00:10:37,914 --> 00:10:39,868
♪ ♪
249
00:10:39,968 --> 00:10:41,958
♪ Hoppin', we poppin',
all the magic we makin' ♪
250
00:10:41,969 --> 00:10:44,973
♪ Lord knows I love
conversating with you ♪
251
00:10:44,984 --> 00:10:47,887
(CHANTING): Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
252
00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:49,032
Jerry!
253
00:10:49,043 --> 00:10:50,975
Wrong show. Wrong
Jerry. Stop doing that.
254
00:10:50,986 --> 00:10:52,097
Stop doing that.
255
00:10:52,108 --> 00:10:53,609
(LAUGHING)
256
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:57,440
♪ ♪
257
00:10:57,733 --> 00:10:59,206
Okay, here's a gift idea.
258
00:10:59,217 --> 00:11:01,796
An LED light therapy rejuvenation mask.
259
00:11:01,890 --> 00:11:03,229
Are you crazy?
260
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,943
That'll be like telling Mama
her face isn't juvenated.
261
00:11:08,950 --> 00:11:11,485
See, man, look, look. Look at this.
262
00:11:11,941 --> 00:11:15,476
- Ah. Things were so easy when we were little.
- Huh.
263
00:11:15,487 --> 00:11:19,215
We made her an ugly necklace
out of macaroni and she loved it.
264
00:11:19,226 --> 00:11:21,870
Oh, man. Yeah, I remember that.
265
00:11:22,497 --> 00:11:23,947
You know, one time
266
00:11:23,958 --> 00:11:27,541
I gave her a Lando Calrissian
action figure that she bought me,
267
00:11:27,552 --> 00:11:29,387
and she said it was
her favorite gift ever.
268
00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:32,059
Yeah, and then you took it right back.
269
00:11:33,602 --> 00:11:36,038
She wasn't gonna play with it.
270
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:40,456
Well, as you know, we here on
The Talk are big fans of chili.
271
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,753
And today our own Sheryl Underwood
272
00:11:42,764 --> 00:11:45,095
is going to share her secret recipe.
273
00:11:45,106 --> 00:11:46,579
(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
274
00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:49,316
And spoiler alert, it is good.
275
00:11:49,403 --> 00:11:50,631
So good.
276
00:11:50,642 --> 00:11:52,376
Oh, you guys, stop.
277
00:11:52,387 --> 00:11:55,012
Okay, now, I'm going to invite a few
278
00:11:55,023 --> 00:11:57,993
lucky audience members
up on stage to sample it.
279
00:11:58,004 --> 00:11:59,271
Anybody hungry?
280
00:11:59,282 --> 00:12:00,899
Me! Me, me, me! Me! Oh!
281
00:12:00,910 --> 00:12:02,334
I'm starving, I'm starving!
282
00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:04,103
Hey, birthday girl.
Birthday girl right here.
283
00:12:04,113 --> 00:12:06,111
Oh, yeah, a-and the
birthday girl's friends.
284
00:12:06,122 --> 00:12:08,691
- And the birthday girl's friend.
- Okay, you four. Come on.
285
00:12:08,702 --> 00:12:09,769
Oh. Okay!
286
00:12:09,780 --> 00:12:11,532
Come on, baby. Come on, let's go.
287
00:12:11,621 --> 00:12:13,089
Oh, I'm so excited.
288
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,276
Hey.
289
00:12:14,916 --> 00:12:16,562
Come on up.
290
00:12:16,719 --> 00:12:19,321
Okay, okay. Where are you from?
291
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,399
Pasadena, Sheryl.
292
00:12:21,410 --> 00:12:22,944
- Uh-huh.
- I'm Tina and you're Sheryl.
293
00:12:22,955 --> 00:12:24,735
All day, every day.
294
00:12:24,746 --> 00:12:26,997
Sheryl is standing right here, Calvin.
295
00:12:27,008 --> 00:12:28,900
- She's right here.
- I can see that, babe.
296
00:12:28,911 --> 00:12:31,657
Was 'cause your man finally
got you a great birthday present.
297
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,188
Yes, you did, baby... you're so sweet.
298
00:12:33,199 --> 00:12:35,152
And your birthday's
about to get even better
299
00:12:35,163 --> 00:12:37,268
because I'm going to
make you some chili.
300
00:12:37,279 --> 00:12:38,482
GEMMA: Ooh. Ooh!
301
00:12:38,493 --> 00:12:39,995
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
302
00:12:40,328 --> 00:12:41,996
Hey, Jerry O'Connell.
303
00:12:42,204 --> 00:12:45,680
Why don't you come and, uh, Stand by Me?
304
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:48,913
Yes, that was, uh, that was
305
00:12:48,924 --> 00:12:51,529
a movie I was actually in.
Very good. Very good.
306
00:12:52,591 --> 00:12:53,961
All right, let's get cooking.
307
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:56,307
Yes. Show me the chili!
308
00:12:56,565 --> 00:12:58,645
Okay. Yeah. I was also in Jerry Maguire.
309
00:12:58,656 --> 00:13:00,358
Let's move on. We're moving on.
310
00:13:00,369 --> 00:13:01,470
DAVE: Got him.
311
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:04,403
Okay, I need an assistant chef.
312
00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:05,970
Oh, oh, you got to pick my baby.
313
00:13:05,981 --> 00:13:08,753
She's been cooking me the
best chili for over 30 years.
314
00:13:08,764 --> 00:13:10,171
Oh, stop it, baby.
315
00:13:10,182 --> 00:13:13,549
Oh, looks like I got some competition.
316
00:13:13,649 --> 00:13:17,546
Oh, wow. Mom is on TV
cooking with her hero.
317
00:13:17,557 --> 00:13:20,163
DAVE: What kind of cheese
are you going to use, Jerry O'Connell?
318
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:24,560
Monterey Jack or...
Kangaroo Jack? (CHUCKLES)
319
00:13:25,733 --> 00:13:27,005
Oh, David.
320
00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,687
As every great cook knows,
321
00:13:30,698 --> 00:13:32,974
the secret to chili is the spices.
322
00:13:32,985 --> 00:13:35,472
And I got my own special blend.
323
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:37,921
- Cayenne.
- Ooh, all right, now.
324
00:13:37,932 --> 00:13:40,432
- Paprika.
- Oh, I see you. I see you.
325
00:13:40,443 --> 00:13:41,925
Mustard seed.
326
00:13:41,936 --> 00:13:43,468
AKBAR: Ooh. Huh?
327
00:13:43,479 --> 00:13:46,449
And a little something-something
that they won't see coming.
328
00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:47,642
Horseradish.
329
00:13:47,653 --> 00:13:49,616
Mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
330
00:13:49,949 --> 00:13:53,133
NATALIE: All right, everybody,
you have Sheryl's chili in front of you,
331
00:13:53,144 --> 00:13:54,678
so let's dig in.
332
00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:56,291
DAVE: All right.
333
00:13:56,391 --> 00:13:59,040
AKBAR: Okay. All right. Okay.
334
00:14:00,024 --> 00:14:01,393
(CLEARS THROAT) Mmm.
335
00:14:01,404 --> 00:14:03,203
- Mmm.
- This is good.
336
00:14:03,345 --> 00:14:05,791
This is so good, Sheryl.
It's really good.
337
00:14:06,673 --> 00:14:08,143
Here you go, birthday girl.
338
00:14:08,154 --> 00:14:10,928
- Bon appétit.
- All right. Okay.
339
00:14:10,939 --> 00:14:12,640
Thank you, Sheryl.
340
00:14:20,488 --> 00:14:22,490
You don't like it?
341
00:14:22,617 --> 00:14:24,359
I do. It's so good.
342
00:14:26,202 --> 00:14:28,136
This is a masterpiece. Yeah.
343
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:31,324
You know what? All this need
is a whole bunch of crackers.
344
00:14:34,069 --> 00:14:36,238
Tina doesn't like my chili.
345
00:14:36,378 --> 00:14:38,245
You all like my chili, right?
346
00:14:38,256 --> 00:14:39,659
Oh, yeah, yeah, so, so good.
347
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,463
- It's so yummy.
- Amazing.
348
00:14:41,474 --> 00:14:44,278
- I'm almost done. Yeah.
- Hey. This is spicy.
349
00:14:44,580 --> 00:14:46,617
- So it's just you.
- No.
350
00:14:46,628 --> 00:14:48,744
No, no, no. Because I-I love it.
351
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,307
I love it. The chili is good.
352
00:14:50,318 --> 00:14:51,982
Okay, then-then eat some more.
353
00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:53,235
Go ahead.
354
00:14:53,246 --> 00:14:55,848
- Okay, let me...
- Mangia.
355
00:14:55,859 --> 00:14:58,747
... have some more chili. (FORCED LAUGH)
356
00:14:58,954 --> 00:15:00,180
(GROANS)
357
00:15:07,675 --> 00:15:09,614
I think this segment is over.
358
00:15:10,014 --> 00:15:13,436
And I think y'all been lying
about my chili this whole time.
359
00:15:13,748 --> 00:15:17,343
JERRY: You know what? We're
going to pay some bills right now, okay?
360
00:15:17,437 --> 00:15:19,242
We'll be right back with more Talk.
361
00:15:19,342 --> 00:15:21,577
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
362
00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:23,814
AKBAR: Aw.
363
00:15:23,825 --> 00:15:27,019
Oh, Sheryl, don't be like that.
364
00:15:27,769 --> 00:15:29,460
See what you did, Akbar?
365
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,218
Sheryl!
366
00:15:31,987 --> 00:15:35,224
♪ ♪
367
00:15:36,139 --> 00:15:37,374
Hey. Gemma?
368
00:15:37,385 --> 00:15:39,162
Calvin, what are you doing here?
369
00:15:39,173 --> 00:15:42,440
(SIGHS) Look, I need
you to do me a favor.
370
00:15:43,384 --> 00:15:45,523
I need to talk to Jerry O'Connell.
371
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:47,670
No. Nuh-uh.
372
00:15:47,770 --> 00:15:49,638
After what happened this morning?
373
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,402
Well, that's the thing.
374
00:15:51,413 --> 00:15:54,232
Look, I finally got
Tina the perfect gift,
375
00:15:54,243 --> 00:15:56,979
and it wound up being
her worst birthday ever.
376
00:15:58,269 --> 00:16:01,617
She told me she wished I
just ran over her feet again.
377
00:16:03,016 --> 00:16:04,683
I understand.
378
00:16:04,787 --> 00:16:08,346
But I can't allow you to approach
a parent on school property
379
00:16:08,357 --> 00:16:09,892
- without proper...
- Hey, Erica.
380
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,232
Ooh, there he is. Hey, Jerry!
381
00:16:12,503 --> 00:16:15,998
- Jerry. Oh, sorry.
- Oh! Why? Why?
382
00:16:16,098 --> 00:16:17,400
(STAMMERING)
383
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,047
- You okay?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Please, please tell me
384
00:16:21,058 --> 00:16:22,800
that guy Dave is not with you.
385
00:16:23,212 --> 00:16:24,399
Uh...
386
00:16:24,476 --> 00:16:27,379
Oh, no, no, no, I barely
know that guy, man.
387
00:16:28,402 --> 00:16:30,571
Hey, look, Jerry, um,
388
00:16:30,915 --> 00:16:33,371
my wife Tina, she loves Sheryl so much,
389
00:16:33,382 --> 00:16:37,353
and, uh, this morning, you
know, it-it ruined her birthday.
390
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,199
Uh, I think we should move on.
391
00:16:39,434 --> 00:16:42,003
Here's the weighted blanket
you won at the auction.
392
00:16:42,057 --> 00:16:45,018
(GRUNTING)
393
00:16:45,155 --> 00:16:47,534
- You okay?
- Oh, yeah. I got it, I got it.
394
00:16:47,968 --> 00:16:50,538
Look, I-I was just hoping that maybe
395
00:16:50,625 --> 00:16:52,527
you could put Tina in touch with Sheryl
396
00:16:52,538 --> 00:16:54,140
so that she can apologize.
397
00:16:54,151 --> 00:16:55,471
Well, I-I'd love to help you out,
398
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,128
but Sheryl is not upset with your wife.
399
00:16:57,139 --> 00:16:58,896
Sheryl's upset with us for not being
400
00:16:58,907 --> 00:17:00,909
more real with her about her chili,
401
00:17:01,064 --> 00:17:02,500
which is not great chili.
402
00:17:02,584 --> 00:17:05,805
Yeah, I'm not sure if it was even chili.
403
00:17:06,827 --> 00:17:08,662
We were just trying
to spare her feelings,
404
00:17:08,673 --> 00:17:10,840
and now Sheryl's embarrassed.
405
00:17:10,851 --> 00:17:13,060
She said she's never
cooking on our show again.
406
00:17:13,071 --> 00:17:17,191
O-Okay, well, maybe we
can help each other out.
407
00:17:17,292 --> 00:17:19,143
Come on, let me help
you with that blanket.
408
00:17:19,154 --> 00:17:21,830
- (GRUNTS)
- You know, it just so happens
409
00:17:21,930 --> 00:17:23,787
my wife makes a mean chili.
410
00:17:23,798 --> 00:17:25,601
Oh, I certainly believe the mean part.
411
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,081
- (CHUCKLES)
- Slow your roll.
412
00:17:27,092 --> 00:17:29,095
That's my wife we talking about now.
413
00:17:29,106 --> 00:17:30,621
♪ ♪
414
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:34,467
- SHERYL: Tina doesn't like my chili.
- Pause.
415
00:17:34,478 --> 00:17:37,013
Right there. Look at my face.
416
00:17:39,047 --> 00:17:41,879
- Yeah. That's not pretty.
- Ugh.
417
00:17:42,564 --> 00:17:45,657
You're an attractive woman,
but that's not a good face.
418
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:49,364
Babe, I know your birthday is over...
419
00:17:49,957 --> 00:17:51,796
Are you day-drinking with Dave?
420
00:17:53,274 --> 00:17:55,650
You know, I don't think
Akbar liked me either.
421
00:17:57,224 --> 00:17:59,264
Anyway, look, I know
your birthday's over,
422
00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:00,870
but I got one more gift for you,
423
00:18:00,881 --> 00:18:03,374
and it's a chance to make things right.
I just want you...
424
00:18:03,385 --> 00:18:05,029
So you're just gonna
leave me on the front porch
425
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,775
like I'm an Amazon package?
426
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:10,189
Hello, Tina.
427
00:18:10,729 --> 00:18:12,934
Calvin, Sheryl Underwood is in my house.
428
00:18:13,524 --> 00:18:15,718
I know, babe. I brought her.
429
00:18:16,735 --> 00:18:18,107
Sheryl Underwood,
430
00:18:18,501 --> 00:18:20,707
I am so sorry about this morning.
431
00:18:20,718 --> 00:18:22,747
It's, it's just my face. You know?
432
00:18:22,758 --> 00:18:24,092
It-it won't lie.
433
00:18:24,379 --> 00:18:25,682
Girl, I know it.
434
00:18:25,693 --> 00:18:27,681
I watched it back on slow-mo.
435
00:18:29,404 --> 00:18:30,760
But I want to thank you.
436
00:18:30,771 --> 00:18:33,758
You were the only one
that was honest with me.
437
00:18:33,769 --> 00:18:35,809
- Oh.
- I hated the chili, too.
438
00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,852
Even more than her.
439
00:18:38,477 --> 00:18:40,906
Little late, Jerry O'Connell superfan.
440
00:18:42,149 --> 00:18:44,146
Uh, so he mentioned me?
441
00:18:44,984 --> 00:18:47,282
Nobody's talking about you, Dave.
442
00:18:47,314 --> 00:18:50,380
Tina, I brought Sheryl here
so that you could teach her
443
00:18:50,391 --> 00:18:52,040
how to make chili the right way.
444
00:18:52,051 --> 00:18:53,945
Oh, hell yeah, I will.
445
00:18:53,956 --> 00:18:56,805
Come on, girl. Let me
get you a glass of wine.
446
00:18:57,105 --> 00:18:58,835
That's all right, girl.
447
00:18:58,979 --> 00:19:00,305
I got one.
448
00:19:00,864 --> 00:19:03,928
Calvin! Sheryl Underwood
is in my kitchen.
449
00:19:03,939 --> 00:19:05,495
I can see.
450
00:19:05,506 --> 00:19:08,307
This is the best birthday ever. Again.
451
00:19:09,597 --> 00:19:10,998
So, what do I need to know?
452
00:19:11,009 --> 00:19:13,510
Okay, first off, the
horseradish has got to go.
453
00:19:13,521 --> 00:19:14,989
That's my mother's recipe.
454
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,201
Oh, she doesn't know
how to cook either, huh?
455
00:19:17,212 --> 00:19:18,428
Tina!
456
00:19:23,099 --> 00:19:25,513
Ooh, okay. Where are you taking me?
457
00:19:25,524 --> 00:19:27,839
- No, no, keep your eyes closed.
- Okay.
458
00:19:27,956 --> 00:19:30,976
- Okay. Almost. Almost.
- All right.
459
00:19:30,987 --> 00:19:32,928
And open 'em.
460
00:19:33,146 --> 00:19:34,685
Ta-da!
461
00:19:35,763 --> 00:19:37,308
Wow. What's all this?
462
00:19:37,319 --> 00:19:38,779
It's your present.
463
00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:40,519
Look, Ma, we-we were trying to find
464
00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:42,365
the perfect birthday present for you,
465
00:19:42,376 --> 00:19:45,746
and we remembered that
you really loved this one.
466
00:19:46,041 --> 00:19:47,113
Aw.
467
00:19:47,124 --> 00:19:49,084
We remember this day as
being pretty much perfect,
468
00:19:49,095 --> 00:19:50,714
so we decided to recreate it.
469
00:19:50,725 --> 00:19:54,279
Oh, thank you. Are those sandwiches?
470
00:19:54,290 --> 00:19:55,292
Yep.
471
00:19:55,303 --> 00:19:56,944
Tuna fish and Cheetos.
472
00:19:57,843 --> 00:19:59,267
(LAUGHS) Yep, there's the yucky face.
473
00:19:59,278 --> 00:20:00,658
There it is.
474
00:20:01,022 --> 00:20:03,202
But I love it. I will eat it.
475
00:20:03,284 --> 00:20:05,887
Thank you. Boys, this is...
476
00:20:06,233 --> 00:20:07,971
This is all I could want.
477
00:20:08,048 --> 00:20:09,116
Mwah.
478
00:20:09,127 --> 00:20:10,266
My babies. Mwah.
479
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,479
Happy birthday, Mama.
480
00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:12,551
Thank you. This is...
481
00:20:12,562 --> 00:20:14,324
Okay, Mom, I need you to smile,
we about take a picture.
482
00:20:14,335 --> 00:20:16,905
- All right, come on.
- Okay. Let's take a picture
483
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,752
with my babies.
484
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,848
Here we go.
485
00:20:21,201 --> 00:20:22,879
Three, two...
486
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,455
What y'all looking at?
487
00:20:24,466 --> 00:20:25,971
- Dad.
- Come on, Pop.
488
00:20:26,155 --> 00:20:28,241
We're trying to recreate this photo.
489
00:20:28,252 --> 00:20:29,694
Oh, but, man, I didn't know.
490
00:20:29,705 --> 00:20:31,582
That's okay, baby, why don't
you just get in the picture?
491
00:20:31,593 --> 00:20:33,715
Oh, okay. All right, good. Let's do it.
492
00:20:33,789 --> 00:20:35,401
Come on, baby. Here we go.
493
00:20:35,412 --> 00:20:37,715
And three, two...
494
00:20:37,726 --> 00:20:39,326
Ooh, do I smell Cheetos and tuna?
495
00:20:39,337 --> 00:20:40,625
- Ah, Dave.
- David.
496
00:20:40,636 --> 00:20:42,620
They're trying to take a photo.
497
00:20:42,631 --> 00:20:45,298
Oh, you know what?
Let's just do one with everybody.
498
00:20:45,309 --> 00:20:46,996
- All right. Come on. Here we go.
- Come on, brother.
499
00:20:47,007 --> 00:20:48,826
CALVIN: Get in. Get in. All right. Good.
500
00:20:48,837 --> 00:20:49,927
And...
501
00:20:49,938 --> 00:20:52,611
All right, everybody say chili.
502
00:20:52,622 --> 00:20:55,078
Chili!
503
00:20:58,737 --> 00:21:03,730
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