Original subtitles

[ Upbeat music plays ]

>> Look, sun! Look, house! Look, road! Look, ball! Look, door! Look, cloud!

Look, bird! You're not looking! Bird! Bird! Bird! Bird! Bird!

Bird! Bird! Bird! >> Gumball: It's a d... [ Sighs ]

>> [ Shouts ] Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red! Red!

Bing! [ Sighs ] >> Darwin: [ Grunting ] Dude, i need you to grab the

emergency hammer. >> Gumball: I'm not breaking a window.

>> Darwin: No, i need you to knock me out. >> Gumball: How about you just

ask sussie to calm down a little? >> Darwin: Uh...

I can't. >> Gumball: What? You're embarrassed, aren't you?

>> Darwin: Just use the hammer. >> Gumball: [ Laughs ] Darwin watterson, the fish who

grew legs at the expense of his gut. >> Darwin: Shut up!

>> Hey, Darwin! Which noise to do you prefer? [ Shouting indistinctly ]

Or... [ chittering loudly ] >> Gumball: Excuse me, sussie, but can you be a little bit

quieter, please? >> Certainly, young gumball, I'd be more than happy to oblige.

>> Gumball: Thank you. What was that? >> Darwin: That was me taking my

hat off to you. I still don't understand how you can be so direct with people.

>> Gumball: Oh, it's really hard. You have to think the words,

then move your lips at the same time so it makes the right sound.

>> Darwin: Teach me. >> What? >> Darwin: Uh, uh...

>> Yeah, that's what i thought. >> Darwin: [ Sputtering ] Hmph!

That whole argument i just won only went on in my head, didn't it?

>> Gumball: Well, nothing happened in reality, so I'm gonna have to say yes.

What's that now? >> Darwin: That's me beating myself for being such a doormat.

[ Bell rings ] >> Gumball: If you want me to teach you how to be direct, i

can, but you have to promise to do exactly as i say -- no questions asked.

>> Darwin: I promise. >> Gumball: I want you to walk like a dog with an itchy butt.

>> Darwin: I shouldn't have promised. >> [ Whistle blows ]

>> Gumball: Hi, guys. >> Darwin: I think i actually understand the purpose of this

exercise. You're ridding me of my inhibitions by destroying the

little dignity i have. >> Gumball: No, dude. [ Laughing ] I was just messing

with you. >> Darwin: What?! Was it really...Necessary...To

take me over...The...Sandbox?! >> Gumball: I'm sorry. Just tell me who you want to be

direct with, and I'll show you how it's done. >> Calm down, honey.

You're being over-gramatic. This guy's too shellfish, and he's being, like, a total

control greed. [ Dial tone ] Do you mind?

I was in the middle of a condensation. >> Gumball: Well, i see what you

mean now. Come on, tell him how annoying he is.

>> Darwin: [ Exhales ] Okay. You know, Leslie, when you try and sound intelligent sometimes,

you just [Choking] you just [Choking] >> gumball: Come on, man, speak

your mind! You're so bottled up, you're choking on your own frustration!

>> Darwin: [ Choking ] >> Gumball: Say...What...You... Mean!

>> Darwin: [ Distorted ] When you try and sound smart and mix up your words, you sound like a

foo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-l! >> I... I don't know what to say.

Thank you. Thank you for telling me. I'll be forever graceful for

your honesty. >> Gumball: I-it's grateful. >> Ah, yes.

I'll be forever grapefruit [Chuckles] for your honesty.

>> Gumball: [ Laughs ] >> Darwin: What? >> Gumball: Tobias just poked at

a photo. I'll send it over. [ Ping! ]

>> Darwin: Oh, for goodness sake! This is another thing that bugs

me! He's always pulling that stupid post!

It's so annoying! >> Gumball: Well, it's not really that annoying.

It's just photos, buddy. >> Darwin: It's not, though, is it?

It's all the time! Dude, fyi, you look totally lame when you pull that pose!

What does it even mean?! >> It's chunking the deuce, man. >> Darwin: And what does that

mean? [ Gasps ] I don't understand.

For my whole walking life, I've had to keep my mouth shut, having to deal with everyone's

annoying, little habits, but now i can say what i like. I feel like --

>> gumball: Dude, what are you doing? >> Darwin: ¶ i feel like ¶

¶ ever since i was a young fish ¶ ¶ i always held my tongue ¶

¶ never spoke a word like...And now my time has come ¶ ¶ i pushed my feelings deep,

deep down ¶ ¶ now I'll tell the world ¶ ¶ exactly what i think and feel

about every boy and girl ¶ >> all: ¶ every boy and girl ¶ ¶ tell us what he thinks about

whatever we do ¶ ¶ tell us what he thinks about the truth of you ¶

>> Darwin: [ Shouts ] [ Singing indistinctly ] ¶ but your friends just like you

for your money ¶ >> all: ¶ we only like for your money ¶

>> Darwin: ¶ Jamie's rude and impolite ¶ ¶ because she's half cow, half

troglodyte ¶ >> all: ¶ she's half cow, half troglodyte ¶

>> Darwin: ¶ Carrie thinks herself unique ¶ ¶ but she's just one more emo

freak ¶ >> ¶ she's just one more emo freak ¶

>> Darwin: ¶ Joe, your jokes are lame and lazy ¶ ¶ you sing just like a dog with

rabi-i-i-i-i-i-i-es ¶ >> [ Crying ] >> Gumball: Hmm, where do people

go when they run away crying like that? >> Uh [Chuckles]

I feel a bit silly now. >> Darwin: Oh, just stop it, all right?!

>> Well, what does it matter to you? You do know that there are more

germs on an average door handle than there are on a toilet seat. >> Darwin: Well, if that's the

case, why don't we all open doors with our butts?! [ Grunting ]

Almost got it. >> Gumball: Darwin, what are you doing?

>> Darwin: Just proving a point. Ha! >> Principal brown, Darwin is

being recklessly unhygienic, and it's giving me ulcers! See?!

>> Darwin: Oh, my gosh, your hand -- it's covered in germs! >> What?! Where?!

>> Darwin: [ Slurps ] There. >> Eeeeee!

>> Darwin watterson, this is not like you at all! I can only assume that gumball

has something to do with it. >> Gumball: I've got nothing to do with it at all!

>> Nothing? >> Gumball: Well, maybe i kind of set him off.

>> That's all i needed to know. Both of you to the school counselor immediately.

>> As much as i think it's important for you to be able to express yourselves freely, i

don't think comments about my ponytail are appropriate. The back of my head does not

look like a horse's buttocks! >> Darwin: I swear, I'm trying my best, Mr. small, but i just

can't stop myself from saying -- I'm tired of staring at your hideous, hairy man toes!

>> Oh. [ Clears throat ] Interesting. I want to try something.

What do you see when i show you this ink blot? >> Darwin: A very sad,

middle-aged man wearing sandals. >> [ Inhales deeply ] I think i have the right

treatment for your problem. >> [ Breathing heavily ] >> [ Scraping ]

>> [ Slurps ] >> Gumball: I'm impressed with how you're managing all this,

buddy. I thought for sure you'd [Gasps] >> Darwin: [ Grunting ]

>> [ Scraping continues ] >> Darwin: [ Grunting continues ]

[ Heart beating loudly ] >> Gumball: Everyone get out of here!

He's gonna hurt your feelings real bad! >> No, we need to listen to him!

He's just misunderstated. [ Thud ] >> [ Breathing heavily ]

>> Darwin: Hey, chin bag, how about you learn to breathe through your nostrils?

Oh, I'm sorry. You don't have any! >> Nostrils!

>> Darwin: And how about you clip those stupid nails? They're not gonna make you any

more feminine. In case you haven't noticed, you're a 10-ton sack of reptile

flesh. >> Reptile flesh! >> Darwin: And as for you, the

only thing worse than hearing you slurp your coffee is watching it stick to your rancid

lady mustache! >> Mustache! >> [ Crying ]

>> Gumball: Uh, dude, i know i told you to be direct and all, but you're acting like a

full-blown, atomic jerk right now. Can you, uh, just go back to

being a nice guy? Dude? >> Darwin: [ Deep voice ] ¶ no

more mister nice guy ¶ ¶ I've found a new style ¶ ¶ with claws and pointy teeth

and a venomous smile ¶ ¶ goodbye, goody-two-shoes ¶ ¶ I'm no longer uptight ¶

¶ 'cause now I'm a shark, and I'm ready to bite ¶ ¶ and I'll say what i want, and

the truth's gonna sting ¶ ¶ I'll be brutal and blunt ¶

¶ it will hurt when i sing ¶ [ Laughs evilly ]

>> Gumball: You and me outside now.

[ Lightning strikes ] [ Video-game music playing ]

[ Lightning strikes ] I don't want to do this, man,

but it's the only way! You need to learn that words can

hurt. >> Round 1! Fight!

>> Darwin: Your head is so big that you have to put your shirt

on feet first! >> Gumball: [ Grunts ]

>> Darwin: Big head! Big head! Big head!

>> Gumball: Aah! Stop it! >> Darwin: Big head!

>> Gumball: You're cheating! >> Darwin: Big head!

>> Gumball: You keep using the same move!

>> Darwin: Big head! >> Gumball: Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

>> Darwin wins! Perfect! Round 2! Fight!

>> Gumball: You're so ugly that when you entered an ugly

contest, the judges said, "no professionals"!

>> Darwin: You're so dumb, you put stamps on your e-mails!

>> Gumball: You're so short that your head smells like feet!

>> Darwin: Your brain's so small that you thoughts have an echo!

>> Gumball: Your cheeks are so big that people don't know which

end of you they're looking at! [ Imitates gunfire ] Ping!

[ Imitates gunfire ] >> Darwin: Agh!

>> Gumball: Your face is so greasy that people put on weight

when they look at you! >> Darwin: Agh!

>> Eh, it's not as good as i thought it'd be.

>> Gumball: You're so bald that when you take a shower, you get

brain-washed! >> Darwin: You're so -- uh, i

got nothing! Agh!

>> Gumball: You're so chubby, the back of your head looks like

a pack of wieners. >> Darwin: Aah! Aah!

>> Gumball: [ Laughs ] [ Shouts ]

>> Final round! >> Gumball: Wait a minute.

Pause. Darwin, i think this has gone

far enough. Surely you understand what I'm

trying to say to you. It's good to speak your mind

sometimes, but -- w-what are you doing?

>> Darwin: [ Imitating gunfire ] >> Gumball: Hey, you unpaused!

That's cheating! >> Darwin: Big head! Big head!

Big head! Big head! >> Gumball: Okay, i didn't want

to do this, but you leave me no choice.

[ Electricity crackling ] You are not my brother!

You are just a pet... Who grew legs!

>> Darwin: Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! >> Ultimate combo!

>> Darwin: Did you really mean that?! >> Gumball: [ Crying ] No!

I just wanted you back to normal! It just came out!

>> Darwin: [ Crying ] It really hurt! >> Gumball: It really hurt me,

too! I never thought it before! You're totally my brother!

>> Darwin: Well, i think you made your point, and if that's how i made other people feel, i

don't want to do it anymore. >> Gumball: Oh, it's good to have you back, buddy.

>> Darwin: You still have a big head, though. >> Gumball: Well, at least

mine's got hair on it. >> [ Chittering loudly ]

>> Now pay attention! This diagram reveals everything you need to know.

[ All shout ] What?! >> Gumball: Oh, no, nothing.

>> Darwin: Carry on. >> Hmm. Now we shall continue. This area is --

[ all shout ] What?! This area is mostly composed of

hot gases. Never look at it directly with your naked eye, or you will burn

your retinas. This could lead to rash acts, nausea, weight loss,

malfunction, confusion, or explosion. >> Gumball: I can't take this

anymore! >> Darwin: Every second i look at it means another year of

therapy! >> Gumball: [ Shouts ] I-i got to tell her, man.

>> Darwin: You can't talk to a teacher about her tushy. It's too touchy.

>> Gumball: Oh, come on, you can't leave her like that. I-it's cruel.

>> Darwin: Okay, but we got to be subtle. >> ...Often results in a black

hole that has the potential... >> Gumball: Psst! Miss simian! >> Huh?

You're nothing but a pair of disruptive, disrespectful delinquents from a dysfunctional

dynasty of degenerates and dimwits! >> What have you got to say in

your defense? >> Gumball: Uh, it -- it was an accident, sir.

We were trying to tell her something. >> Tell her what?!

>> Gumball: Uh, i-i... I can't say it. It's too embarrassing.

>> For the last time, why did you throw a paper plane in your teacher's face?

>> Darwin: It says it all on the paper. >> "You do not know how much you

show, but the wind doth blow in the hills below." Huh?

>> Speaking of which, can anyone else feel that draft? >> [ Spitting ]

[ Spitting ] >> Darwin: Maybe you should say something.

>> Yes, i suppose. [ Whispering indistinctly ] >> [ Gasps ]

You knew about this, and you thought it was funny, didn't you?!

You think this is funny?! >> Lucy, please, i think you owe them an apology.

>> don't you "Lucy" me, Nigel! These kids tried to make a monkey out of me, and you want

me to apologize?! >> Uh, you kids are free to go. [ Door opens, closes ]

>> [ Shouting indistinctly ] [ Shrieking ]

[ Breathing heavily ] [ Shrieking ] >> Gumball: Hmm, there's one

thing i don't understand. >> Darwin: Yeah, why did she go ape when we just tried to help

her? >> Gumball: No. Why do monkey have hair all over

their bodies except for the ugly part where they need it the most?

[ Bell rings ] Have you noticed that miss simian's been acting a

little off lately? >> Darwin: Now that you mention it, she has been keeping a

particularly close eye on us.

[ Tap! ] [ Smack! ] >> Report card signed.

>> Gumball: Oh, okay. >> [ Laughing ] [ Laughter ]

[ Laughter stops ] It's the most pathetic, half-baked attempt at forgery

I've seen in my 300,000 years as a teacher, and i taught during the stone age!

>> Dad: [ Gasps ] Forgeriers?! My own flesh and blood accused

of forgerering?! What does it mean? >> Faking your signature.

>> Dad: [ Gasps ] >> We need you to sign their suspension card.

>> Gumball: [ Sputters ] >> Dad: Buh, buh, buh. Mm.

>> [ Crying ] >> Uh, listen, these kids are decent children.

There's nothing you can suspend them for. They don't fight.

They respect school property. They don't steal. [ Both shouting ]

>> Come on, pick it up and keep it for themselves, you thieving hoodlums!

>> Gumball: We're rich! >> Darwin: We're prosperous! >> Gumball: We're opulent!

>> Darwin: We're flushed! >> Gumball: We're gilded! >> Darwin: We're wealthy!

>> Gumball: We're -- wait a minute. We need to change our phone

numbers and leave town. >> Darwin: Why? >> Gumball: Because they're all

gonna want a piece of it. >> Darwin: Who? >> Gumball: Everyone!

Look at them all trying to get their creepy hands on my money! >> Darwin: Gumball, you've

changed. >> Gumball: No, i haven't! I'm just the same but happier

because I'm rich! >> Darwin: Look at yourself! You're surrounded by all these

riches, and you're the loneliest man in the world! [ Crying ]

>> Gumball: You're -- you're right! This money is evil!

I wish I'd never found it! [ Thud ] Mm, have you heard?

There's gonna be a big fight. >> Darwin: Why do you think i brought the popcorn?

Who do you think it'll be? >> Gumball: I don't know. [ Gasps ]

Imagine if it's Tina and bobert! >> [ Roaring ] If i saw that, i would throw

away my eyes because nothing else in the world would be worth watching anymore.

>> Darwin: Really? What about [Sniffs] Alan versus Willy?!

[ Bump! ] [ Bump! ] >> Gumball: Yeah, I'd watch it,

but it'd be better if they were in a cage. >> Darwin: With spikes.

>> Gumball: That was on fire. [ Bumping ] Oh, i can't wait to see who it

is! >> All: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

>> See, look at them, about to fight like animals. >> Why not focus your attention

on someone who really needs it? [ Sloop! ] >> Hush! It's about to start.

>> All: Fight! Fight! Fight! >> Gumball: Dude, what are we doing?

>> Darwin: Stupid things because of peer pressure! >> This would be better with

poisoned nunchucks. >> Darwin: You got to get us out of this!

>> Gumball: Okay, hold on, i got it. People of elmore, you came to

see a fight, and until a few seconds ago, i was just like you!

But now, knowing I'm the one supposed to get hit, I've discovered something!

Fighting is wrong! This is no way to settle a dispute because after all, what

is more powerful -- this or this?! >> [ Clapping ]

[ Applause ] [ Pounding on glass ] >> Lucy, what's wrong? Speak!

>> [ Sobs ] This isn't at all what i had planned!

>> Please don't tell me you're the one who arranged this fight. [ Sighs ]

>> [ Shrieking ] >> [ Sighs ] >> [ Sighs ]

I know we haven't spoken in a long time, but i need your advice.

Is it really wrong to create false evidence to frame some criminals who you know for sure

are definitely, absolutely, without a single shadow of a doubt guilty?!

Well, i don't care what you say, dad! I'm doing it anyway!

Mm. [ Laughs evilly ] [ Humming ] Aha!

Let's see you get away with this one, you little hooligans! And i know for sure that these

two did the graffiti because they were idiotic enough to sign their names at the bottom of it!

>> Are you sure no one else could've done it? >> Absolutely!

>> Miss simian, wrongly accusing the boys is one thing, but openly framing them is another!

One more offense, and you are fired! And you still owe these boys an

apology. >> Gumball: That's fine, that's fine.

>> I'll apologize when fish start to walk. >> Darwin: [ Inhales ]

>> If this really is the kind of person you are, then we seriously need to talk about our

relationship, as well. >> [ Shrieking ] >> I saw that coming.

I glued everything to the floor. >> [ Crying ] [ Door opens, closes ]

>> [ Crying ] >> Darwin: I got to be honest, gumball.

I'm not entirely comfortable committing a crime. >> Gumball: Look, it's not a

crime if you intend to get caught. Unless we actually do something

bad, simian's gonna blow a fuse and lose her hairy boyfriend. Do you really want that on your

conscience? Good, then give me a leg up. >> Darwin: Now what am i

supposed to do?! >> Gumball: Give yourself a leg up!

>> Darwin: Oh, of course. >> [ Crying ]

Oh! [ Crying ] >> Gumball: [ Grunting ] Oh!

>> Darwin: [ Inhales ] >> Gumball: don't! [ Laughs ]

This is gonna be easier than i thought. [ Feet squeak ]

>> [ Shrieking ] >> Gumball: Oh, why do i have to run every eight minutes of my

life?! >> Darwin: Wait! In the jungle when a gorilla

charges, you have to stare them to the ground! >> [ Shrieking ]

>> Gumball: Oh, is it working, dude? Dude?

>> Darwin: I just realized, we can't let her catch us until we've done something bad!

>> Gumball: Oh, you could've told me! >> Darwin: Sorry!

>> [ Shrieking ] >> Gumball: Aah! [ Shouting indistinctly ]

>> [ Shrieks ] [ Shrieking ] >> Gumball: Aah!

>> [ Shrieking continues ] >> Darwin: Quick, get in here! [ Bong! ]

>> Gumball: Okay, you get brown's attention. I'll deface his car.

>> Darwin: Psst! Principal brown! Principal brown!

Principal brown! Principal brown! Principal brown!

>> Gumball: [ Gasps ] Dude, why is every single window broken except for brown's?!

>> Darwin: How about you do it yourself if you're such a hot shot?

>> I caught them! I finally caught them, which means i can do this.

You're coming with me to the principal's office. >> Gumball: With pleasure.

Wait, we forgot to spray our names. >> What do you mean?

>> Gumball: Duh. If we don't sign it, principal brown will think it's

you again, then you'll get fired and lose the love of your life. Now, where would that leave us?

>> Are you trying to say that you only did this to save my reputation, my job, and my

relationship? >> Darwin: Of course. What do you take us for -- some

kind of criminals? >> Well, yes. [ Gasps ] And i was wrong!

Right, I'll clean this up. You need to get out of here before principal brown sees

this. >> Gumball: I don't think so, miss simian.

We're not letting you ruin your life. >> don't worry -- i won't.

Just go! Boys! I'm sorry!

>> Gumball: What? >> I'm sorry! >> Gumball: Say again?

>> I'm sorry! >> Gumball: Ha, heard it the first time, miss.

Just wanted to milk it. >> [ Laughs ] Why, those little [Laughs]

>> Care to explain? >> Well... [ sighs ]