Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

(crowd cheering)

(orchestral music)

(orchestral music continues)

(indistinct chatter)

(crowd cheering)

- Hey punk watch where you're going.

- You hit me.

- Are you calling him a liar?

How'd you like me to light that bow tie for you boy?

(laughs)

- Hello, Freddie!

- Hi Mr. Perwin

- Great game huh?

- I don't know Mr. Perwin, Mary Lou stood me up at

the party, we were just everywhere.

(moaning)

- You sure are fun Mary Lou.

(orchestral music)

(crowd cheering)

- We had a date at the after game party.

- Well don't lose hope Freddie old scout.

I mean she probably couldn't find you in this crowd. Well a

handsome fella like you, she's probably waiting for you at

the party.

- Wow you really think so?

- I would, I guess.

- I better get on the stick hope she ain't POD!

Shoot, our first date too! I better go.

(crowd cheering)

(gentle music)

- Hi.

- Hi you see Mary Lou?

Great game moose.

- That was nothing man, you wanna see a good game?

You should see me and Buddy at the homecoming game. Come on!

- Have fun here again, nature boy.

- You seen Mary Lou?

(upbeat music)

♪ Well you not that insane.

♪ And the way you got it going on

♪ Hold on to me my lady

♪ 'Cause you know what's going on.

- I wanna dance let's go in.

- Ah come on let's wait a second.

- Hey stud let's go take care of Bird man.

- Look Dr. Bird benched me for the last three weeks.

He can't get away with that without paying for his ass.

- Right on.

- You were smoking in the john.

If you get in trouble again you'll both will be benched for

the homecoming game.

Come on Buddy let's go into the party.

- Don't listen to her.

- Moose let's go get that guy.

- You leave me and I'll keep my date with Freddie Collier.

- Freddie the geek!

Oh man, let them laugh you right out of school.

Yeah let the whole world see you dancing with Freddie

the wimp. Bye bye Mary Lou don't do nothing we wouldn't do.

- Hey I've been looking all over. Come on

lets go inside the party.

- No I can't they'll see me, I mean I really hate crowds.

Listen Freddie would you like to take me for a ride?

- Yeah I guess I mean sure a ride that's great.

- I thought we were going to...

- Forget it, I have something else.

(radio chatter)

(upbeat music)

(indistinct chatter)

One of these windows has got to be open...

- If Doc Bird catches us, he'll bench us and next week is

the homecoming game man, all the college girls will be here.

- Don't worry, just stick with the champ.

- Damnit!

- "This next little number I'd like to dedicate to Billy

to Carrie, Tim to Louise, Jerry to Mera.

- Is this what you think of me?

Do you think that I'm so cheap that I'd park in any old car

with another car parked right next to us?

A real woman needs a private place.

(indistinct chatter)

- Come on, come on.

- Jim to Louise, Jerry to Marilyn, Gina to question mark?

- Door's locked.

- Now Bird's gonna get smart.

Get that stuff away from me! Jesus Christ!

- Shut up I hear somebody.

- Can you quit doing that?

- I heard somebody.

- We're the only ones around here.

- Hey!

- That's Lester Willis and Lynn Dana.

- Let's stop here.

- Are you out of your mind?

And have that gossip Lynn Dana drive by with Lester

the leper? Even if you don't,

I care about my good reputation.

Come on Freddie.

- I know a place baby you want a place out of the way

I'll give you a place out of the way.

(gentle music)

- Mary Lou your eyes are so beautiful.

- You're so corny.

Freddie, Freddie cut it out.

- Oh you did it this time our ass is mud.

- I'll think of something.

- No talking! All right you neanderthal jocks you

have two choices.

You will take your licks from me your kindhearted

English teacher or old Doc Bird?

- Does that mean that if we're getting from you

does doc Bird find out?

- What dog bird doesn't know won't hurt him and you can

both play in the homecoming game.

- Okay come on you go ahead and do it.

- Get it over with.

- Drop your pants.

- Drop our pants shorts and all?

- You heard me I didn't stutter drop your drawers.

- I love you Mary Lou.

- I promised my mother.

- I just wanna hold you.

- Get your finger out of there! What kind of a girl do

you think I am?

- Oh Mary Lou please.

- Animal, you're an animal Freddie Collier!

- Don't move a muscle, no talking.

You two naughty boys have a bad attitude.

Don't move a muscle. Now turn around.

You'll find that our attitudes in life and in sports

mean an awful lot.

Boys.

- Yes ma'am.

- Rape is such a dirty word and love is such

a beautiful thing.

- Yes ma'am.

- You two boys don't want anybody to find out or anybody to

know how two juvenile delinquents tried to rape me.

- No ma'am.

- I have so much to teach you it's better me than groping

around in the backseat of somebody's car.

- Yes ma'am.

- You promised to keep your eyes closed.

- They're closed! They're closed!

- Be careful! I mean Freddie you're too rough.

- I like you a lot Mary Lou.

- What's that, what's that?

- 1 don't know I didn't hear anything.

- Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this

petty pace from day to day.

On to the last syllable of

recorded time....

- Come on you jock let's go for a touchdown.

- That's right, pushing back.

Way back!

- Touchdown touchdown we on touchdown .

- And I feel good.

(indistinct chatter)

- So this girl keeps getting the feeling that there's

somebody around outside the car.

Well they left finally.

Her boyfriend was POD but later when

they got to her house he went around opened her car door and

there was this bloody steel hook hanging right on

her car door.

He'd been ripped right off the killers arm.

- Hanging on the door?

- What's that?

- I didn't hear anything.

(crickets chirping)

- Shakespeare wrote five comedies by this diagram you

can tell what they were.

Wet, Midsummer Night's Dream.

Dry, The Twelfth Night.

Three inches, Much Ado About Nothing.

Six Inches, As You Like It.

Nine inches, Taming of the Shrew.

- I'm taming the Shrew I'm taming the Shrew.

- Tame tame.

- 1 will I will.

- She ain't tamed.

- It's pretty late.

- We better go.

(car engine roaring)

- Oh no.

- Now what do we do?

- Get out and see if you can fix it.

- Okay.

- Ew what's that your pants are wet your pants

are wet! Freddie!

(car honking)

(indistinct chatter)

- I've never been so embarrassed in my

whole life Freddie Collier.

- Hey Mary Lou come with us wanna ride?

- Mary Lou Mary Lou.

(car honks)

(folk music)

(crickets chirping)

(folk music)

-lcan'tdo it anymore, I really can't.

- Certainly big jocks like you ought to be able to hold up

under the pressure.

- Oh man we've been doing all the work you've just

been laying there having a good time.

- Well that's okay for this lesson.

♪ Boo laa boo laa boo laa,

♪ That's the war cry at Zuni High

♪ We will down them we will crown them

♪ Till they all are boo la boo ra ra!

(birds chirping)

(upbeat music)

- You guys chasing Candy?

- None of your beeswax squirt! Hey pussy.

- You keep your hands off my girl.

- Hey you want a knuckle sandwich man?

- I never said anything ignore him! You creep!

There's a cop, hey help help help!

- I'm gonna remember this, I'm gonna remember this.

- You better give your soul up to God ‘cause your ass

belongs to us.

- Come on.

♪ Remember that you'd gone away

♪ The hurt is such I remember too much

♪ And I'm only...

- Right Moose?

- Right on man, keeping happy keep it happy.

Right Freddie? So much meat loaf!

- Been getting any lately Freddie?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- Don't you know man, Freddie's a virgin.

- Real stick in the mud huh?

- But I'll meet the right girl you'll see.

- Sure sure Romeo, meanwhile you need a little help?

(laughs)

(gentle music)

- Hi.

- Hi.

(laughs)

- You know Wink Lewis?

- Yeah.

- He used to be a virgin right, now he scores every time.

- Wink the wimp? How does he do that?.

- He's got this stuff and he just pours it into this girl's

drink Coke or something they just go absolutely wild.

They just start stripping you naked just to get at it.

- Oh God that's what I need that's what I need.

One time Wink he gave it to this girl to drive in and he

couldn't get his Peter up.

(laughs)

She ended up fucking the gear shift.

- God I need that's some healthy shit.

- You know weird Delores?

- What are you leaving? - Yeah come on come on.

She's got some.

- Good we'll get some for Freddie to keep.

- Oh now come on now don't pick on him he's a little

bit sensitive yeah don't get too close to him.

You never know he might like guys better than he does girls.

- Freddie are you a homo?

- Come on, come on.

(indistinct chatter)

- This announcement supersedes the preceding announcement.

Your lunch periods tomorrow will be held from 11:40 to 11:52

instead of 11:45 to 11:57 as announced previously in order that

the students may proceed to the awards assembly.

It has come to my attention that some of the students

have been caught smoking in the boys lavatories yesterday.

And I want you all to keep your eyes open on that don't any

of you pass the lavatories without going in there

and check and check on the smoke thing it's got to stop.

- Apologies are not enough Freddie Collier.

- I just got my car back from the tow truck company.

- Tonight I have to wash my hair and Wednesday I study

for a test.

- What did you do?

- Darn I just dropped my towel I'm naked to the world.

It's a good thing you're not here ooh that itches.

I shouldn't be talking to you anyway.

I'm mad at you.

This bed feels so soft I can feel it all over.

So strange talking to a man on the phone while lying here

just totally nude.

No I'm not going to catch cold.

Oh, goodbye.

(folk music)

- Well if it's that important Freddie.

Oh I see right away?

Well I'll have some hot chocolate waiting.

(suspenseful music)

- I see it everywhere! Sex sex sex I see it everywhere.

- Speaking man to man go get yourself laid.

Now this may sound blunt son but take Mary Lou out and fuck

her till her eyes pop out.

I have too much respect. I'm hurt Mr. Perwin.

I like her too much as a person.

- Not a person a woman and I know women.

Son this may sound rough but they're all looking for

the same thing treated the same way rough!

- Mr. Perwin, Mary Lou?

You'll see I'm right you just get into her pants.

Other people do it all the time.

- They do?

(moaning)

♪ You're my pain

♪ I will love you ever more

♪ You're my pain

♪ I will love you as before its so hard for me to lie

♪ That I once loved you before

♪ You're my pain can I walk you to your door

♪ You're my pain

- Where can I get some?

- What?

- Spanish fly.

- Spanish fly?

- Shh where do I get it?

- Now I just have to think where you get some Spanish fly.

I don't know let me think maybe you wanna go see

Weird Dolores.

- Weird Delores?

Okay split punk.

(tires screeching)

(upbeat music)

- Hello! Delores!

Hello!

(upbeat music)

Dolores!

(moaning)

- Goody goody two shoes messing around with Delores.

- I just left a note.

- You wise-anker! Punks like you make me mad,

God damnit to hell.

- Buddy told me to come see weird Delores.

- Weird weird Delores, you call my girl names?

You pissant.

- You pissant.

- Losing our tempers won't help.

- You make me sick.

- You make me wanna puke.

(upbeat music)

(laughs)

- You wimp.

- Listen lover boy don't come moping around me.

Do you know what a wimp is Freddie? Just look in the mirror.

- Hey champ you've been getting any?

- You're both disgusting get out of my way.

- Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch.

Oh Mary Lou must be riding a cotton pony.

- What?

- The rag stupid the rag.

How'd you do with old weird Dolores.

- No soap.

- Maybe I can set you up.

- Really?

- Why do you think she's called Candy?

- Yeah the senior picnic yeah sure as a matter of fact

she's right here man.

- I'm doing better than you.

Can't you hear man she's going at it.

- I'll call you later Jack.

(gentle music)

- Freddie old horse makes me so sad to see

you moody like this.

(gentle music)

How's your new love life?

- Love life?

Seems like everybody's doing it but me.

Why not me, am I so different?

- You are special Freddie

- Hi Mr. Perwin hey Freddie your all set up!

Get the lead out of your ass, she's ready.

- Hey what's going on here?

- Just a tag team match.

- Hey Mr. Perwin, hey Buddy I thought you'd wanna go

for a walk.

- Dynamite.

- Ball anyone?

- Hi.

- Hi.

♪ I've been in the shadow of your love

♪ Day by day I get worn out

♪ Shagalaga shagalaga

♪ Shagalaga shagalaga

♪ Shagalaga shagalaga

♪ My love's torn

(moaning)

♪ Shagalaga shagalaga

(moaning)

(gentle music)

- I don't wanna wrestle.

- Then why did you come up?

- I don't know.

Why can't I do wood, why why?

- What are you still doing here?

All other kids are gone they left you behind.

- [Announcer] For I have sworn before you and Almighty God

the same solemn oath our forebears prescribe

nearly a century and three quarters ago we

cannot forget today that we are the heirs of

that first revolution.

- Fredrick you'll be late for school.

- Yes mama

- [Announcer] To friend and foe alike that the torch has

been passed to a new generation of Americans forged in

this century tempered by war disciplined by a

hard and bitter peace

and unwilling to witness or permit

the slow undoing of

those human rights to which this nation has

always been committed.

Ask not what your country can do for you

ask what you can do for your country.

(crowd cheering)

- Boy you know what buddy?

It's a good thing Kennedy beat we'd be in deep shit

if they'd have elected him.

- One of these days this country will need a man like this.

- Bout the same time they'll need you Collier.

- Hey Mary Lou.

- No date you're a nice kid Freddie.

- But?

- But you just don't have anything.

- Anything?

- Experience you don't have any, a man needs to

have experience before he's a man Freddie Collier.

(upbeat music)

- Hold on champ.

- I gotta have them now.

I'll call you later to talk it's a matter of life or death.

- Wait where are you gonna get if it don't exist?

- Well if it don't exist man can create it.

- Back to the chemistry lab.

(laughs)

- Betty cooker crock book.

- What does it say about Spanish fly?

- Well here, let's start with one beer.

- Oh and I have the church key.

- And go go go extract of the vanilla bean

- To make ice cream.

- A little crunchy peanut butter from the peanut.

- Ah yes.

- Caster oil. - oh yeah my mother.

- A little sauce of that Tabasco.

- That ought to heat up anybody.

- And mother nature's little helper Ex-Lax

- Master.

Sending him diarrhea buster the turd monster we'll just give

this to old Freddie.

- Not give Igor, you fool!

The secret of Spanish fly can not

be had so cheaply.

- Oh yeah.

(laughs)

- $75 Jeez.

- Hey maybe you don't realize how potent this stuff

really is? A millionaire downtown offered

me $150 for this stuff.

I'm letting you have it for $75 just out of friendship but

if you don't want it.

- I'll think of something.

- You better.

(upbeat music)

- This idiot brought nickels and dimes

and pennies. Christ Freddie.

- It's so small!

- That's powerful stuff just a couple of drops and as they

say vavava voom.

- But this is just a shoe polish bottle.

- Let's nobody know what it is, dummy.

If anybody found out that that was Spanish fly

we'd get arrested!

- This stuff smells like rotten shit.

- I said it was powerful stuff didn't I?

- If a girl gets one drink of this she'd puke

all over herself.

- Don't let her know what it is dummy just put a

couple drops in the Coke or something and give it to her.

And she'll never know what hit her.

- Are you sure?

- With this thing even you can score Freddie.

(gentle music)

- Hi want a Coke?

- Listen daddy-o why'd you have a Coke in

that newspaper for?

Hey gym daddy I'm gonna make like a tree and leave.

Your brother is a six foot cockroach, you live

in a two-story trashcan.

- See you later alligator, I mean crocodile.

- Oh hi how have you been?

- Hi okay and have you been?

- Pretty good pretty good.

- Oh can I have a sip of your Coke?

- Huh?

- I said, can I have a sip off your Coke?

- Sure.

- It's all hot and sticky.

- We can put it in an ice box.

- You are weird Freddie.

(gentle music)

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

- Hi you wanna go for a Coke?

I just thought you might want to go for Coke or something.

I can come over to your place and bring it with me.

You know a Coke I just thought you might want a Coke.

Oh at three o'clock I can meet you at the beanshop

bring along a Coke or something?

Are you sure you wouldn't like...

- What's this Coke doing here?

Fredrick is this yours?

- Stop mama.

- Don't do that to your mother.

Where are you going?

- I'm going out.

- When will you be home?

- Later mama.

- Well, don't go near that public pool remember that's

how people contact polio.

- Yes mama.

- You wanted to see me Mrs. Brown?

You missed a lesson.

- What's the matter with that Mrs. Brown?

- What's the matter?

- What's the matter with the lamp?

- It won't turn off.

- Sometimes unscrewing is not the answer.

- Don't try to cover up your shortcomings you can

just cancel out the homecoming game.

(car engine roaring)

- Hey buddy.

- Don't look now but Freddie the geek is coming

this way with his Coke.

- Hi! Bye fellas.

- How's it hanging Freddie?

- I'm in trouble nobody's taking this love juice here.

- Well if at first you don't succeed,

hey I hear that Judy Withers she does it with everybody.

- Yeah Judy Withers.

- Judy Withers.

- Thanks a lot Buddy.

- Poor Judy man nobody deserves what she's gonna get.

- There may be somebody who deserves what they get.

- Do you want to hear a really fantastic idea?

- Drink?

- Coca-Cola yeah thanks.

Tastes a little flat well now what do we do?

- Look at him like a stone statue.

- Freddie you're so cute.

(crickets chirping)

- Well at the right moment we're gonna get the evidence

we need to get rid of that ball crusher.

(crickets chirping)

(folk music)

- Freddie.

- Yes ma'am.

- There's only two things you have to remember one is to put

it in and the other one is move around.

I'll even help you put it in.

- No.

- What's the matter?

- I can't.

- Well start moving.

- Come on Collier move, dammnit you idiot. Move man!

- You call this moving?

Freddie.

(indistinct chatter)

(upbeat music)

(moaning)

- Take it, take it, take it, got it!

- I didn't know he had it in him.

- You know what this means man?

- What?

- The coke its working, the Spanish fly.

- We invented Spanish fly.

- I'm gonna be a real stud man.

- Stud?

Hell we're gonna be rich!

- You be rich I'm gonna be a stud.

- Let's get out of here.

- You told Mary Lou what?

From now on I'm gonna be superior get it?

Let's mix up a new batch of the Spanish fly.

I got a heavy date with Mary Lou on Friday night and I've

got to really perform.

- What about Freddie the dork?

- Poor old Freddie I doubt that he has any idea

of the power of this stuff.

(upbeat music)

(moaning)

- I just heard a real hot daddy-o, a super stud you

I should've known.

Listen Buddy why didn't you turn on the charm for me?

- How's this?

- Oh God that shit'd gag a maggot on a shit wagon.

Don't smell like the first batch.

- Well we got to get it right before Freddie catches on.

(moaning)

(gentle music)

- If 1 did it once I can do it again, I'll be rich.

I'll be a super stud.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Judy said the super stud was out again

last night.

I'm gonna get jealous.

- That's just gossip I've been resting up for you.

- Darling.

Oh that nerd Freddie Collier called again.

- He did?

- Yes but I told him boys would have to wait now that I

have a real man.

- You tell him.

- Bye.

- Bye bye. - Until Friday.

- Okay see you then.

(rock music)

[Announcer] It's intermission time.

- I don't know what it is but I feel so

differently about you now.

Freddie, darling, honey you're wonderful!

- I know.

- I've never had such...

- It's got to work it's just got to work.

- Shit smells close.

- Well we don't have time to test it.

We're just gonna have to trust in the scientific method.

Mary Lou will never know what hit her.

- Freddie baby darling you're wonderful, wonderful!

- I know.

- I've never had such...

Now! I want it now!

- Okay Coke popcorn?

- I must have it now.

- Here comes Delores.

- I want it now!

- You want coke popcorn?

- I must have it now! - Okay

- Okay be back a sec. - Hi Candy.

- I didn't want to be alone I need somebody.

- I tried to call you.

- I think the experiment is getting out of hand.

(screams)

- Do me do me I want to cum make me cum now.

- Dr. Forest have you seen Gail?

I know something awful is about to happen I'm worried

I don't know what to do.

- How could they do it, Heavenly Gods.

- Horrible it's horrible, it won't die!

It won't die, help me stop

the demon won't die.

- How could they do it, how could they do it?

- Don't blame yourself for being so handsome and

so obviously attractive I mean everybody is different

doesn't mean you're a bad person.

- It's not them not really it's this wretched stuff

- What's that got to do with anything?

- How do you think a super stud gets to be a super stud?

- Zuni High super stud you?

- Without this junk without his Spanish fly super stud

is a geek.

- Spanish fly it's all in your imagination and just to prove

that there is no such thing as Spanish fly I'm gonna drink.

- No you can't

- A special person that's what you are.

(groaning)

A special person, that's what you are!

(gentle music)

- Here.

- Afterwards will we love each other forever?

- We'll love each other forever.

- What is that shit?

Super stud my ass.

- But Mary Lou.

- You're not him.

- But Mary Lou.

- You asshole.

- Goodbye super stud.

(coughs)

- Anything's better than.

I'm sorry I grabbed your punch like that but I feel better.

- No not this way.

- Well how then?

Show me how.

(upbeat music)

- I want it to be real not a concoction.

- Freddie. - Yes.

- I'm very happy I found my real man so shut up.

(gentle music)

- Well what's the matter?

Handsome boys like you shouldn't have

any trouble getting girls.

(gentle music)

♪ I've been in the shadow of your heart

♪ Day by day I get torn up

♪ Shagalaga shagalaga

♪ Shagalaga shagalaga

♪ Shagalaga shagalaga

♪ My love torn oh wasted love

♪ Shagalaga shagalaga

(upbeat music)