Original subtitles

- Honey.

- Hi.

- Hey.

I'm awake, right?

I have these dreams sometimes.

- I'm helen from tupperware.

- Yep, that's one of them.

- Oh, ray, I'm so glad you're home.

Listen, you got to help me get set up for this part.

- Oh, oh, that thing is tonight?

- That thing?

Ray, I told you about this party again this morning.

You know, you never listen to anything I say.

- Well, you say a lot.

- Who are the pizzas for?

- See, here's the funny thing.

- Ray.

- A couple of the guys might be coming over to watch the fight,

Maybe, might be.

- Ray, I have been planning this tupperware party for weeks.

- But, look, the fight's only tonight.

I mean, come on, you can get plastic jugs anytime.

- That's not a jug.

That's our innovative pick-a-deli.

It's easy lift-up strainer lets you select a pickle

Without getting your fingers wet.

- Mm.

We're been living like animals.

- Ray, come on. Don't ruin tonight for me.

I'm only doin' this to see my friends for once

And to have a little fun.

- And to find out what's on the cutting edge

Of food storage systems.

- Right.

[doorbell rings]

- Okay.

- Hey!

- Hi. - Hi, come on in.

- Yeah, hi.

- Hey, ray.

- Ray, very classy.

Pay-per-view and dates.

- Do I pick them, or do they pick me?

- Are these guys staying?

- No, they're only here to watch the fight,

Which they will be watching from upstairs in the bedroom.

- The bedroom?

Ooh, the hot zone!

- All right, now, listen, ray.

Here's the deal: I'm letting your friends stay.

- Thank you.

- All right, but they're not allowed to touch anything.

I don't want them looking in the closet or in the drawers.

I don't want them trying on my shoes.

[doorbell rings]

- Hi, ray. - Hi. Hi.

- Hi, ray. - Hello.

- What's with the broads?

- Yeah. All right, here's what's gonna happen:

Guys upstairs for the fight,

And ladies down here for your crap.

- All right.

- Let's go. Ready?

- Yeah, yeah.

Just want to say good-bye to amy.

- Bye, honey.

Have fun.

- See ya later, amy.

- Okay, girls, it's time to play barnyard bingo.

All: Oh!

- Winner gets a melon baller.

- Bingo! That's what I need.

- Everybody think of your favorite barnyard animal.

- Horse. - Uh, duck.

- Deb, deb, deb, deb.

Chicken. Chicken.

- Raymond, I got your crab and artichoke dip

For your sports thing.

Oh, hi.

What's all this?

- Big tupperware party.

- Tupperware?

Debra's giving a tupperware party?

Oh, I didn't know anything about this.

- Ray, I told you to invite your mother.

Did you forget?

- Yes, I did.

- Sorry, marie.

Listen, just have a seat. I'll get you a soda.

- Okay.

You have to think of your favorite barnyard animal.

- Okay.

Oh, I like that movie "babe" with the talking pig.

I'll be that.

What do you think, debra?

- I'm gonna get the sodas.

- Honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I totally forgot that you told me to invite her.

- You didn't forget.

I never told you to invite her

Because I didn't want her here.

- So this wasn't my fault.

- I just can't believe this.

I can't have one night with my friends

Without her here butting in and making me crazy.

- Yeah, well, what are you gonna do,

Call off the party and maybe let my friends

Come down and watch the fight on the big tv?

- No, ray. No, no.

I'm just gonna make the best of this.

I mean, I have my friends here,

Maybe your mother will buy a lot of tupperware.

- That's the spirit.

Come on, debra. We need you.

You're our chicken.

- Okay.

Cocka-freakin'-doodle do.

- So bernie says to me,

"all right, I'm gonna get the curtain rods

For the bay windows."

What, do you think he measures it first? No.

He says to me, "I can eyeball it."

- Why don't men ever want to measure anything?

- Why do you think?

[laughter]

- Why?

- Anyway, I got to tell ya,

He had to go back to that hardware store 12 times.

- 12 times to buy curtain rods?

Maybe bernie's fooling around.

- [laughs weakly]

I have to use your phone.

- Okay, for more free tupperware,

It's time to play

"guess whose nightie?"

[all whooping]

Did everybody put their nightie in the bag?

- Yes, ma'am! - Yes.

- No, I didn't bring one.

I wasn't told about the party.

- Well, why don't you pick first?

- Okay.

Ooh!

- Whoo! - Whoa!

- I guess amy.

- Yes!

- Amy? No.

- Well, I never wear it.

Actually, I bought it special for this game.

Really.

Robert's never seen it.

I'm sorry.

- Well, let's pick again.

- Oh, okay.

Oh, my, what is this?

- Marie, it's not your turn.

You had your turn already.

[fabric tears] - no!

I wore that on my honeymoon.

- I'm sorry, gayle. I'm so sorry.

I could just put it back to--

- Bernie's not home.

I called the office. I called nemo's.

Where is he?

- Oh, my god, I was only joking, dear.

I never would have said anything

If I thought he was cheating.

- You call that a fight?

- Fight? I thought those two guys

Were gonna skip out of the ring and go antiquing.

- Want to catch a good fight?

Wait'll debra sees our bedspread.

- Good night, ladies.

Anybody need a ride?

- What's your hurry? Stay a while.

I made my special dip.

- Ray.

- Ma, we've eaten already, really.

- Well, what about all this food

That debra made that nobody touched?

What are these, sandwiches?

- Mrs. Barone, I don't know what's in this dip,

But if you weren't married...

- Take her. I'll throw in the dip.

- I'm sorry, debra.

I have to go.

- Oh, no.

- Hey, tell bernie I said "hi."

- Yeah, right!

- Linda...

- Come on, guys. Sit down.

- Marie, I'm sure ray's friends

Are not interested in tupperware.

- Actually, I could use some new ice trays.

My cubes smell.

- Amy, what is this doin' here?

Did ma see this?

- Holy crap!

It's a whole bag of nighties.

- No, frank, that--

It's for a game. Just--

- I'm in!

- You know, I should probably get going too.

- Oh, please. Now, wait. Wait.

There's still lots of free stuff here.

Well, at least take catalogs!

This territory blows.

- Gayle, please, can't you stay?

You know, these guys are leavin' in just a minute.

Oh, god, this is not what I wanted!

- Of course it isn't, dear.

Nobody wants to give a bad party.

- Hey, that tupperware stuff is pretty good.

I just did my whole back with that scrub brush.

- That's for fruit.

- You might want to rinse that.

Still mad about the party?

- No, I'm fine.

- Good.

What's that you're writin' there?

- A letter to your mother.

- [quietly] why?

- Well, to start with, she ruined my party.

- You're writing that?

- Yep.

- Yeah, but it's for therapy.

You're not gonna send it. - Oh, I'm sending it.

- No! No! No! No!

Stop and listen for a second.

Come on, if anybody ruined the party,

It was the guys, and they were my fault.

So you should write me. Write me a letter.

- No, ray, I can't keep blaming her for everything

And I have never actually told her how she makes me feel

When she does the things that she does.

- But you don't put that in writing.

Oh, no! No!

If it's in writing, then you can't deny it, you know?

You can't say things like,

"you didn't hear me right,"

Or "I didn't say that. You must have misunderstood,"

Because there it is.

It's in writing.

- You know, if it were up to you,

You'd have me do nothing.

- Hey, let's not underestimate nothing.

- No, no, ray, I'm not spending

The rest of my life this way,

With your mother saying she's sorry

That you ever married me.

- She's never said that.

- She doesn't have to say it to say it.

Everything she does says it.

- Like what?

- Like when she rewashes the kids' clothes.

- Okay.

- Yeah, and then she rewashes the kids.

- Look, look,

All that stuff my mom does, that's how she helps.

- No, no, ray, that's how she criticizes.

Only good can come from this letter,

And I'm doin' it.

- Mmm.

[whining]

[whines]

No, no, don't do it.

Think it over. - Let go! Let go of the pad!

Get off that!

Stop it.

- I had to try.

- You know what you could try, ray?

You could try supporting me.

- All right, all right.

Okay, you're right.

You're right.

I am. I am.

I'm gonna support you.

Look, just 'cause I can't confront my mother

Doesn't mean I should stop you from doing it.

- Thank you, ray.

I appreciate it.

I do.

[sighs]

You know what I need?

- A hug?

- More paper.

- Hey.

- Hey, ray. - Oh, hi, dear.

Want some waffles?

- Yeah, sure. Thanks.

Soooo...

You guys get your mail yet?

- No, why?

- Because I was just wondering,

Because we didn't get ours either, you know,

And sometimes we might get something of yours,

And you might get something of ours.

- What do you get of mine?

- You know, I don't know, just junk mail.

- Like what?

- Whatever. Uh, flyers and coupons.

- Where are they?

- I throw them out.

- You throw out coupons?

That's money!

- Look, I'm just-- all I'm saying

Is that you might get some of my mail.

- Well, how much were the coupons for?

- I don't know!

- Jeez aloo!

Did you get the one for carpet cleaning?

- I don't know. Maybe.

- That's a $10 coupon!

I was looking for that one!

- All right, look, dad, I'll give you $20

If you stop talking about this.

- You think I won't take it.

I'll take it! - I'll give it to ya!

- It would teach you a lesson! Come on!

- No, no! You're not taking his money!

- I'm gonna take it,

Because how else is he gonna learn?

He's got to stop throwing out people's mail!

- Well, that's not how you do it.

If you want to teach him a lesson,

You make him clean the carpet himself.

That he'll remember.

You want boysenberry or maple syrup, dear?

- Maple.

- Hey.

Waffles?

- Yeah, how many?

- Six, boysenberry.

- Is that the mail?

- Uhp, buhp, buhp, buhp, buhp, buhp.

Hands off, sticky fingers.

Crap...Crap...

Crap... Crap...

Coupon!

Here's one that made it through.

Marie, do we need our chimney swept?

- Here. This is for your collection.

- Hey, marie.

This is a letter for you.

- Oh, how nice.

- Hey, ma, are we eatin' or readin'?

- Oh.

Oh, this is odd. It's from debra.

- Ah! You know what that is?

That's the invitation to the tupperware party,

But you already went, and you had a good time.

- No, no, no, no.

That's not an invitation.

No, that's a letter.

- It's an invitation.

It's got a lot of pages like this

Because it has directions to our house.

- Now, come on.

- Dad!

- This is your mother's mail.

What is wrong with you?

"dear marie,

This letter has been a long time coming."

- [chuckles]

It must be a thank-you note.

- Oh, yeah? [chuckles]

- All right, dad, give it to me now.

- No, no, no, no, no. What does it say?

- "for eight years now,

"I've held my tongue

"and never told you how hurtful and destructive

Your behavior can sometimes be."

- Oh, my god.

- I have to go.

- Here. Sit down.

- Ma, look, it's between you and debra,

And you should go over there

And read that yourself and let me out.

- We have no secrets in this family.

Keep reading, frank.

- With pleasure.

"just because we are family

"and happen also to be neighbors

"does not give you the right to constantly interfere

In every aspect of my life..."

[laughs]

[coughs] ahem.

Ahem.

[coughing]

"from raising my children

To my choice of liquid fabric softener."

- I want you guys to know right now

That debra has a drinking problem.

- Keep reading.

Go on, keep reading.

- Stop it!

"I'm sure you don't even realize

When you're being overbearing, critical, and intrusive."

Is this a petition?

Where do I sign?

- All right, all right. I've heard enough.

- Oh, ma. Mom.

- "dear...

Debra..."

- Oh, no, ma, not another letter, please.

- I'm intrusive?

Debra's not the only one

Who can throw around fancy words.

Where's my dictionary?

- Oh, ma, stop.

Ma, she didn't mean it.

- Hi, uh, did you guys happen to get the--

- Mail? Oh, yeah.

- Ray, did everybody read that?

- You're my favorite writer.

- Hello, debra.

- Hello, marie.

- I got your special delivery.

- Marie, I'm sorry.

It was a mistake to send that letter.

- Now? You say that now?

I got to tell you, your timing sucks.

- I should have just talked to you face-to-face.

- Go ahead.

- Oh.

- I've dealt with my fair share

And everyone should know that this is a high risk--

- Eat your waffles, robbie.

- All right.

- Look, marie, I'm sorry that the letter upset you.

When I wrote it, I was very angry.

- And drunk.

- It's just that sometimes you're very hard to talk to,

And so I thought I could say it better in a letter.

- I think you said it very clearly, debra.

You think, among other things,

That I'm intrusive, critical.

- Overbearing.

- I have always known that you felt that way about me.

You think I'm all those things.

Well, maybe I wouldn't be that way

If I was welcome in your house.

- But, marie, don't you see?

You're over all the time.

You don't give me a chance to welcome you.

- Well, I-I-I-I...

Okay, maybe I am those things sometimes,

But that's just because

That's my way of trying to make us a family.

That's all I ever want.

- Well, that is all I want too

Is for us to be a family, a real family.

- But I always thought

That you didn't like my being in your family.

- I thought you didn't like me being in your family.

- Why would you say that?

- Well, you know when you bring food over to the house?

- I do it because I care.

- Oh, but, see, I feel like that's a criticism,

You know, like you're saying I'm not as good as you.

- You don't have to be as good as me.

I love you for what you are.

- I love you too.

- Oh, I'm so glad we talked.

- Yeah, me too.

You know what?

The tupperware's in, and it's over at that house.

You want to come over and get yours?

- Oh, I'd love to, honey.

Oh, and the little scraper for potato.

- Yeah. That's in. - Ooh, I love that.

- You got to show me how to make those potatoes.

- I will, and I'll show you how to freeze them.

- What in hell's bathroom was that?

- I-I think it was a fight.

- That's a fight?

- You know, like, uh, a woman's fight.

- I'm glad we didn't order that on pay-per-view.

- Robert, are you crying?

- No, no.

- See, ray, that letter

Actually made your mother and I closer.

- I told you not to send it.

- Look, you don't understand.

We had to have that blowout to get past it,

And now that we did the letter and it's behind us,

We can move on.

- Frank, what's debra's letter doing in the garbage?

- You read it already.

- You don't throw this away.

Not ever.

Not...Ever.