Original subtitles

That search on my phone for Sanborn College,

that was for me.

I was thinking about finishing my degree.

Previously on "A Million Little Things"...

Maybe you want to get some overpriced gelato?

Sounds good to me.

My dad's not doing so well.

They're thinking it's Alzheimer's.

I think you should move in with us, Pop.

If that's what you want.

We were meant to be friends, so you two better get along.

Work it out.

I think I want a home birth.

I think we should look into it.

That sounds like one of Evan's bits.

Thanks.

You're right. This has been the worst year.

Dustin?

How did this happen?

You know, it was so tough losing Deborah the way we did.

The hospital bills were piling up.

I wasn't ready to take care of Daniella on my own.

And when I missed too many days at work, they let me go.

Not long after that, we got an eviction notice.

What about Daniella?

She's at my mother-in-law's.

Can you go to a shelter?

Nah. The shelters are always full.

It's impossible to get a spot.

But don't worry about me.

I got an interview in a couple days.

I'm gonna dig myself out of this.

I just need some time.

At first, I was craving peanut butter,

and then I was craving pickles, so I thought, why not?

Peanut butter pickles.

- I'm-a pass. - Hard pass.

Yes, yes. Not at all.

- Mm? - You don't have to.

Babe, seriously, don't.

Really?

You don't really have to do th... You did it.

Oh. Wow.

- It's actually not bad. - Wow.

- Stop. - What?

Pregnancy does weird things to you.

That's exactly what you said when I caught you

researching placenta pills.

No, no, that can't be a thing.

Oh, no, it's a real thing.

See, the lining of the placenta is ground down

to a fine powder for adult human consumption.

Mm.

Side effects may include headaches, nausea,

and an increased risk of nightmares

from having just eaten your own placenta.

Ignore them. How are you actually feeling?

Are you nervous about the birth?

No. Not really.

For me, it seems so much calmer giving birth at home.

I don't want to be around a lot of loud beeping machines.

Machines do beep.

But they also do helpful things, like, you know,

alerting a medical professional in the event that,

you know, anything goes sideways, literally.

I'll admit, I was on the fence

at first.

We started out meeting with doctors,

but I don't know, they always felt so impersonal, like...

Like they were rushing us out of their office,

- barely asking any questions. - Oh, yeah.

But my first appointment with my midwife was two hours long.

- Are you serious? - Uh-huh.

Well, I mean, it's probably easy to clear your calendar

when no one else is on it, right?

Evan, come on.

You're... You're on board with the home birth thing?

Yeah. Yeah.

And to be honest with you,

I'm getting a ton of material out of this.

You know, like, say you want to sell your house, right?

You have to disclose that somebody died there.

But what if somebody was born there?

Huh?

And what if you haven't quite gotten out

the amniotic fluid stain from the carpet?

Does it lower the price?

He'll be here all week, folks.

- Tip your waiter. - Two drink minimum.

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com

I already tried that shelter. They're full.

Well, is there someone else I can talk to, or...?

Sorry. Last call.

Well, this is the last of Pop's stuff,

so you timed that perfectly.

Oh, well, yeah, okay. If you... If you could just...

Okay. I understand. Thanks.

See that, Pop? It's like a five-star hotel.

You got a new comforter. You got fresh towels.

Where's Tyrell gonna stay?

We'll figure that out when he's in town.

Come on, Pop. What do you say?

I left my toothbrush.

We have to go back to my house.

Look, you know, I've got extras.

I always keep the free ones we get from the dentist.

I haven't made it this far with all my original teeth

by using one of those cheap ones.

I need my electric.

Maybe Gina can take you, because I'm spent.

Um...

Babe, I-I'd take him,

but I-I just want to try a few more shelters before they close.

You've been calling shelters all day.

I know.

Gina, I know that you care about Dustin,

but we got a lot going on here, too.

I know. Just two more, okay?

I promise.

Alright, level with me, man.

You're really in support of this whole home birth thing?

Yeah, I mean, it beats being born

in the back of a Buick, like I was.

You're not afraid something could go wrong?

I'll be afraid wherever we are.

I don't know how your relationship is,

but I know whenever I try and tell my wife

she can't do something,

it only makes her want to dig in more.

It's a care package for college.

Buddy, this is amazing.

It's everything I wish I had on my first day of school.

So many important thoughts went un-highlighted.

It still haunts me.

I am just relieved that kids are still using highlighters.

I was a little worried I was gonna get bullied

for not taking notes on my phone or something.

Hey, if you're nervous about bullies, remember,

the janitor is just a friend waiting to be made.

Hence the fruit snacks.

You know, those will make you some friends.

Truly, guys, this is just wonderful.

So, when is your first class?

I don't know.

I really need to get into this behavioral psych class

for my major, but I went online

and it said it was already full.

You know what? I'm sure they can figure something out.

You know, just flash them that irresistible Eddie Saville grin.

That's the plan.

I'm gonna head down to the registrar,

see what I can do.

In fact, T, yeah, let's get a move on.

I want to get there right when they open.

Okay. I just need to grab my backpack.

Bye, Greta. Love you, Mom.

Have fun on your field trip.

While Theo is looking at fossils,

I'm gonna be feeling like one.

A fossil with a great smile.

Aw.

Guess what.

Uh, your inny is now an outy?

Babe, I've known that for a while.

No, uh, Claire just sent me their midwife's info.

How sweet of her to follow up.

Alright, let's hear it.

You think they're crazy for having a home birth.

Mm. I was playing it so cool, though.

Hmm.

Is this just part of the whole

Gary-makes-fun-of-everything routine,

or are you really dead-set against it?

I'm just...

You're... You're into this idea, huh?

I'd like to explore it,

if you can get that mind of yours to open up.

Okay.

- Really? - Yeah, let's explore.

I will set up the appointment!

Thank you!

Maybe the woman who squeezes things out can squeeze us in.

My mind is open. My mind is open.

So, I called him on his bluff,

and then he tried to say it wasn't on the disclosures!

Can you believe that?

Uh, I got to be honest,

I went into power save mode like three minutes ago.

I'm sorry, your job is super boring.

Oh, just for that, I hope you get

a "Calvin peeing" tattoo today.

Ooh, well, now I want to hope that your deposition

goes horribly, but that feels like bad karma.

Oh, no chance it goes badly,

because I am wearing my lucky power suit.

I am undefeated in this thing.

I know. That's why I picked it up

at the dry cleaner's yesterday.

That was you?

I thought it was my mom.

No. I knew you were stressed about today.

Thanks.

And I made you a spinach salad.

You forget to eat when you're deposing.

I take it back.

I hope the Calvin tattoo isn't peeing.

Oh, no.

Theo forgot his permission slip.

He says they're gonna make him stay in study hall all day.

There's no way I can make it before my 9:00 AM.

I'll drop it off on my way to work.

You're the best.

The last thing that kid needs to do is study more.

I'll make sure that does not happen.

Thanks.

But I'm a psych major, and behavioral psych

is a requirement.

As I've said, the best I can do

is put you on a wait list.

Well, how many are there ahead of me?

17.

So stupid.

You have a nice day, too.

Wow.

Some people, am I right?

No. It's most people.

What do you need?

Any chance 18 people have dropped

Behavioral Psych in the last 10 seconds?

It's closed.

I thought that's what you'd say.

Rent's paid for the next six months.

And one more thing... The lease is in my name.

So he won't be able to find us.

You deserve a fresh start.

We both do.

I can't believe you would do this for me.

After everything I've put you through.

Well, okay, then.

Can't blame a guy for trying.

Maybe you can.

Hey, Diane?

I've got this one.

Okay, I'll stop in before first period. Bye.

Hey. I am sorry about that.

- I'm glad to see you. - Mm-hmm.

Thank you for staying with my dad today.

Oh, of course. I'm happy to help.

Well, someone's in a good mood.

Me? I don't know. I'm in a pretty normal mood.

But I'm getting better with this yummy latte.

Have you tried this coffee...

Okay, I-I don't have all day.

That was my subtle way of bringing up the fact

that you had a date.

Oh, well, it was very subtle.

Yeah, Regina thought you probably

wouldn't want me to ask about Lars.

Oh, good, you already know his name.

Where he works, what he drives, level of education.

Look, you want subtle or not, Goldilocks?

It's getting dangerously close to stalking.

Fine, I got to hurry to work anyway.

So, you've met my dad. You know how he is.

Regina will be home soon to relieve you, and don't worry.

She's already talked about hazard pay.

Oh, I'm good.

I've been through this with my grandpa.

I mean, I know it's not the same, but...

No, your... your mom has really been a big help.

Oh, hi, Mr. Howard.

Hey.

This is a nice surprise.

Dad, I told you, like, what, three times,

Sophie is coming by to stay with you today.

I don't need a damn baby sitter.

It's gonna go great.

- Yeah. - You got this.

- Yeah. - Thank you.

Did you see Martin's pit stains bloom

when we showed him the piping encroachment?

I wanted to cut them out and frame them.

Look at us. The dynamic duo.

Oh, sorry.

The part of Robin's been cast, and Greta is crushing it.

You know, I wish I could say the same thing

about my boy wonder.

What? I thought things with Ian were going really great.

They were, but we... We hit a rough patch.

We're having a bit of a... physical issue.

I know you can get a prescription.

Oh, no.

Not that kind of physical issue.

No, it's... It's my tattoo.

Every time he sees it, he loses interest.

I mean, he says it's a huge turn-off.

Okay. Um, hmm.

I hesitate to ask since I'm just learning about this tattoo,

but what is it?

It's the name of an ex on my...

- Oh, God. - Shoulder.

Oh, good.

Except for it's not good, because Ian is the jealous type.

You know what?

I think I can actually help you out with this one.

I think it's awesome you're going back to college.

Have you thought about your major?

Uh, yeah, I was thinking about a psych major

with a minor in social work.

I want to become an addiction counselor.

Wow. Eddie, that's, um... That's incredible.

How long have you been working here?

Uh, almost six months now.

I love it.

They've got a K through 6 school

right on campus for the employees' kids.

It's great for Julian.

Wow. He's certainly grown up.

I know, right?

He's gonna be 7 next month.

How about things with your husband?

The divorce was finalized right around the time

I got this job.

He's getting help,

and he sees Julian for supervised visits twice a month.

So, right now, everything is actually okay.

And we still live in the apartment you found us.

Well, I'm really glad to hear that.

Thank you.

But I can't help seeing you in that chair

and thinking I belong in jail.

No.

That would have helped no one.

Julian needs his mom, and I'm just glad you

found a job that makes you happy.

I really do like working with the students.

I especially like helping those

that can't get into full psych classes.

Now, I can't bump you to the top of the wait list...

Oh, no. I would never expect that.

But I can add another slot to the class.

Are you sure that's okay?

I-I don't want any special favors.

I'm already on the 20 year plan.

What's a few more?

I'm not so sure it's a favor.

Dr. Craft is pretty tough.

You should get going.

Your class started five minutes ago.

Thank you.

You want any help unpacking?

Nope. Not staying long.

Well, we could at least make it look nice

for as long as you're here.

I'm fine.

You can just watch TV or something.

I know you don't want to hang with a boring old man.

Actually, I'm not big on TV.

Radio girl all the way.

Wow, look at this stuff.

You've got all the classics.

Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson.

Pretty young to know that kind of music.

Oh, come on. This stuff is timeless.

Who's your favorite?

Mr. Otis Redding.

Mind if I put it on?

Be my guest.

And then once you're around 8 centimeters dilated,

you'll have the option of moving into the nice,

warm birthing tub.

Uh, they say that's...

That's more comfortable for the baby, right?

Transitioning to water first.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Water is much closer to what

the womb feels like, so it's less disorienting.

Water babies tend to be very calm.

Well, I just have a few questions.

Um, and these are in no particular order.

Yeah.

So, a woman in Tucson, Arizona was having a-a home birth,

and the midwife thought that the baby was breathing abnormally

because, uh, it was such a long labor.

Turns out the baby died from the lack of oxygen.

So, how would... How would you prevent that?

Okay, well, I can't speak to that particular

midwife in Tucson,

but I'm a licensed medical professional.

I can do everything a doctor can do, short of surgery.

So, I would be monitoring Maggie and the baby the entire time,

and at any sign of distress,

we would just transfer to the nearest hospital.

Oh, where the real doctors are.

Great. Okay.

Hm.

I assure you, Maggie will only be cleared to

give birth at home if everything is pointing

to a normal delivery with no complications.

A woman in Lincoln, Nebraska, was having a baby at home,

and, um, after it was born,

she kept bleeding, and the midwife couldn't stop it,

and, uh, well, she died before the...

Okay, let's... Let's put that away,

and, uh, maybe ask some questions

that are not ending in tragedy.

- Okay. - It's okay, Maggie.

This process isn't for everyone,

so if having your baby in a hospital

would make you both feel the most safe,

then that's where you should give birth.

Although, I would suggest maybe look up how many babies

are switched in the hospital maternity ward.

It's a lot.

That's a solid point, Mallory.

I just want you to have all the information, okay?

Including that any time I do a delivery,

I inform the nearest hospital,

so we have a safe backup plan.

Could you just explain why we wouldn't want

said backup plan in the same room with us.

We live literally two seconds from an emergency room.

Not literally.

Not literally.

It seems like you two have a choice to make.

Okay, so whatever you mutually decide, I-I just...

I wish you a safe, happy, and healthy journey.

That's very kind. Thank you.

Something wrong with your truck?

Uh, it won't start, but I think it's just the battery.

What are you doing back here?

Good news.

I spent the better part of last night

cutting through really frustrating red tape,

but I got you a spot in... In a shelter.

That won't be necessary.

Well, I thought it might be nice for you

to have a bed to sleep in,

and hot meals and a real shower for a change.

I mean, especially since you got that interview coming up.

Regina, I'm good, okay?

I appreciate everything you're doing for me,

but I told you not to worry about me.

- Well, it's really not a... - Regina!

Please.

Hey, Dad, have you seen my pencil?

Thanks for letting me use your pencil.

They're good for the outlines.

Of course. You're very talented.

Thanks.

I can only color 'til the sun sets, though,

'cause then it gets hard to see.

Well, I'm impressed.

I learned how to do shading. I can show you.

I just got to find my charcoal pencils.

So, the mother-in-law was a lie, I take it?

Yeah.

How long has Daniella been living here?

Only a few weeks.

I'm getting her to school every day.

We're managing.

And like I said, this is only temporary.

Yeah. I'm sure it is, but...

Okay, but what about the shelter?

Can I call and see if they have another bed?

The minute we walk into one of those places,

someone will call CPS,

and they'll take her away from me.

I don't know if you know this, but I'm a foster parent,

and, look, I know the system is troubled, okay?

But maybe... Look, it's not all that bad.

Absolutely not.

I'm all she has left. She's staying with me.

I found them.

Regina's got to go now.

Say goodbye.

Bye.

Bye.

Okay.

My mom's a psychiatrist, and my dad's a psychologist,

so I've had my behavior studied since I could lift my own head.

Uh, I'll be honest, part of the reason

I'm taking this class is just

so I can hold my own during Thanksgiving.

I think you're in the wrong place.

We're in the middle of class.

Um...

Actually, I am in this class.

That's impossible. It's full.

Uh...

Thank you.

I was just added.

Sorry I'm late.

Okay.

Um...

Oh.

Thank you.

Uh, she asked us all to share why we want to take this class.

Oh, thanks.

Thank you for sharing, Jet,

and I believe that just leaves us with Marie.

Me?

Yeah.

Oh.

What drew me to psychology was my...

♪ I've been loving you ♪

See? I know my stuff.

Renee always loved this song.

She'd play it while she did the dishes,

dancing around our kitchen.

What about you?

Anyone special in your life yet?

Oh, come on. What?

Did Rome put you up to ask me that?

No!

At least, I don't think so.

♪ My love is growing stronger ♪

I-I went out on a date with a guy this week,

and everyone is asking me about it,

and I know that they mean well, but honestly,

I just don't have much to say

because the date was just okay.

♪ Too long ♪

But I feel like people

will think there's something wrong with me

if I don't want to see him again.

I met Renee on a train.

Have I told you this?

Mnh-mnh.

I'd just finished basic training at Paris Island.

I was about to ship out, so I hopped a train to Boston

to see my folks one last time,

and somehow, this beautiful woman

ended up in the seat next to me.

Renee had missed the early train.

She was always late.

It was just blind luck we ended up together.

We spent the whole time talking and laughing.

Honestly, I-I knew

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her

before we even left South Carolina.

That's beautiful, Mr. Howard.

Renee was unforgettable.

Even from the first moment I met her.

So there's nothing wrong with you

if you want to hold out for unforgettable.

♪ I've been loving you ♪

Look who decided to show up.

- Hey. - Hey.

You all right?

Not really, no.

So that was just an ambush?

You wanted to "gotcha" our midwife?

No, I wanted you to hear all the facts.

I can't believe I thought you could be open-minded

for even two minutes.

Well... You know what?

I wanted to. I did. Okay? I wanted to be Evan.

Cool, chill, born-in-a-car, do-whatever-you-want guy.

But I didn't expect you to fall in love with the midwife.

I figured you'd spend 10 minutes with her

and then actually come to your senses.

Obviously, I wish I hadn't said that.

Do you even know why I want this?

We have spent so much time in hospitals

that I associate that with sickness and fear.

I don't want to be anywhere near that

when we bring our son into the world.

I thought if anybody would understand that,

it would be you.

I get it, but right now, all I care about

is that you are both safe, okay?

You're implying that I don't care

about the safety of my child.

Meanwhile, I am the one who has to gain a million pounds

and be uncomfortable all the time

and have my body basically ripped in half

to give birth to our child.

You know, it's not easy watching you got through all this

from the sideline either, okay?

Oh, yeah, you've got it really tough.

Our baby is being born in a hospital, period.

Oh, you're putting your foot down?

You know what? Yeah, I am.

Okay, well, Fred Flintstone,

I don't know how to tell you this,

but my baby is being born from my body

wherever the hell I choose!

We use the hierarchy of needs to study behavioral motivation.

Now, Maslow used these terms

specifically to...

I'm gonna assume what you're reading on your phone

is a more insightful take on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Oh. Sorry. Urgent text.

Well, please, share with the class.

It is a rule.

No cellphones allowed in my classroom,

which you would know if you'd read the syllabus.

My son's school went on a field trip

to the Museum of Natural History today.

This was his first time seeing a woolly mammoth.

- Can I see? - Yeah.

Aww!

- I want to see. - Yeah.

- He's like 10. - Okay.

We may as well make this interruption

a learning opportunity.

So, Mr. Saville,

what level of Maslow's needs would you say

the behavioral motivation of that response is?

Maggie Bloom? I thought my work here was done.

What's up, Doc?

You know, you don't have to be here

for these appointments, but Maggie kind of does.

Is, uh... Is everything okay?

Maggie wants to have our baby at home.

Really?

Yeah, it's bonkers, right?

No, no, sorry. I, uh...

I laughed because when my husband Roger

and I had our baby with a surrogate,

she opted to do a home birth,

something that, as a physician,

I wasn't super comfortable with.

Thank you.

But the truth is, it went fine.

It did?

Because right now, if I'm being honest,

my plan is to rent a hospital room

until the due date, put a Bruins jersey on the wall,

and convince Maggie that's our home.

I promise you, everything went smoothly.

Except for one minor medical emergency.

Roger passed out and bruised his elbow on the bedframe.

I'm not sure if he passed out

from seeing our baby come out of a vagina

or just from seeing a vagina, but he was fine,

and more importantly, baby and mother were A-OK.

You just get to say vagina all day.

You think you can give me something to,

I don't know, lower my blood pressure?

Look, it is totally natural to have anxiety

around the birth, however you do it,

but midwives are highly trained professionals,

and since I'm guessing you came here

for my honest opinion...

I did.

Gary, I really believe the safest way to give birth

is whatever makes the mom most comfortable.

I just can't stop thinking about when I first met him.

I was in such a bad place.

When was that?

Uh, back when I thought my restaurant was going down.

Dark times.

Literally.

It was in the middle of a blackout.

Dustin showed up with his crew and reminded me

why I even do what I do in the first place.

I love making people happy with my food.

Love. So that is your secret ingredient.

And after that, I had the strength to keep going, and...

And then last year,

when I actually did lose the restaurant,

he happened to stop by on that very day.

I mean, the last meal I ever made in that kitchen

was for him.

It was right after his wife died.

I made dinner for him and Daniella.

I mean, Dustin gave me perspective on my life

when I needed it most.

And I think this time, I am supposed to help him.

I mean, maybe you can call social services or...?

No.

I made one phone call and blew up Joseph's life,

and now he's gone.

Yeah, no.

I won't make another call like that about Dustin.

Have you talked to Rome about this?

No, I-I can't put this on his plate right now.

Would you mind staying here with Walter a little longer?

No, not at all.

Great.

Yeah, and, uh, hopefully,

I will be back before he wakes up from his nap.

No worries.

Thank you.

Okay.

Ooh, very nice. Comic Sans.

Uh, let me guess... 2011?

Exactly.

So, who is this mysterious Don?

I mean, it must have been a pretty serious boyfriend

to have his name permanently tattooed on your body.

He is my ex-husband, actually.

Wait, you were married?

How do I not know this?

Because you don't listen.

Just kidding.

We were only married six days.

Oh, and on the seventh day, you rested?

I was in my 30s, paying my dues as a paralegal

in New York City...

Wait, I lived in New York in 2011.

- What? - In the East Village.

- Hell's Kitchen. - Neighbors!

I love that you two are having a moment,

but I need to hear more about your ex-husband Don.

Ah, fine.

So, he was a writer, and when we met,

he was working on one of those late-night talk shows,

and he was, ugh, funny and... And smart and cute.

Really cute. Like an 8.5.

Anyway, June 24, 2011,

the day that New York passed marriage equality,

they had this big rally in Union Square...

Um, I was at that rally.

- No way. - Yes way.

Do you remember the guy wearing nothing

- but a rainbow wig? - Uh, yeah.

Those drapes definitely didn't match the carpet.

What about Don? Was Don there, too?

Oh, honey, everyone was there.

In fact, that's where he proposed.

I mean, we'd only been dating, like, a month,

but we were so caught up in the moment and ridiculously happy.

And he got down on one knee, him and his rainbow wig...

Shut up.

No!

I'm just kidding about that part.

I mean, Don was bald.

That's why I docked him the point-5.

Anyway, we did the city hall thing, and a few days later,

he got a job offer in L.A., and as it turned out,

neither of us were that jazzed

about moving cross country together,

and realizing it wasn't a forever thing,

we had the marriage annulled.

Oh.

Still, couldn't have been an easy decision.

No. No, but I regret nothing.

After so many years and so many marches

and so much prejudice and violence against us,

we were finally just like everybody else.

We had the legal right to marry whoever we chose,

and on that day, Don chose me, and I chose him right back.

That's why you kept his name

on your shoulder all these years.

That hurts more than I remember.

- This is a pen. - Okay.

I would... I would never use a needle on you

- until I knew you loved it. - Alright.

So, actually,

you can check it out.

_

I love it.

Wilma, I'm home.

And as a peace offering,

I have brought Brontosaurus burgers.

Evan texted.

Claire went into labor at home, but something went wrong

and they had to go to the hospital.

She's in surgery now.

♪ You make me feel like a natural woman ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

♪ You make me feel like a natural woman ♪

♪ Woman ♪

♪ You make me feel ♪

Dad?

Hey, son.

Hey. Where's Regina?

Uh, she had to head out.

I think something to do with Dustin.

Of course she did. Sophie, I'm sorry.

If I'd known, I'd have come home.

No worries.

Honestly, I'm not sure which is more impressive...

Your dad's record collection or his soft baritone.

Alright, stop buttering me up.

I already said you could stay for dinner.

Look at you, settling in.

Maybe your mom can make her famous chicken piccata.

Where is she, anyway? She's always late.

Um, uh, Dad, I told you. I think...

I'm sure she'll be here any minute.

How about another Otis Redding?

That's a good idea. She gonna love that.

Let me go get it.

Hey, I'm...

I'm not so sure it's the best thing

to make him think my mom's coming home.

I'm... I'm trying to make him understand this reality.

I get that, but with my grandpa,

I spent so much time pushing him to remember

the things that I wanted him to remember,

just trying to get him to be the person

that I needed him to be,

but his nurse told me that correcting him

can actually just lead to more frustration and confusion.

And I realized that the time we had left

was just too precious.

So, I let go, and I lived in his reality

instead of trying to force him back into mine.

And it got a lot easier after that.

Oh, God. What is it?

"Baby and Mom are happy and healthy.

Thanks again for the spicy kimchi last night."

Oh, thank God.

Oh.

You think our baby is also going to look like a little Gollum?

No. Maybe.

But if he does, he'll be the cutest little

Gollum anyone has ever seen.

Alright.

Let's have our little Gollum in the hospital.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We don't have to overreact to this.

You saw the text. "Happy and healthy", right?

Well, now you're talking me out of the hospital?

What happened?

As you know, I'm... I'm a close-minded person,

so I went to see Dr. Anderson.

And his son was born at home, and everything was fine.

And hearing that from someone wearing a stethoscope

made me feel better.

Ah.

Well, if I'm being honest,

of course I am afraid to do it here.

I'm afraid to do it anywhere,

especially if I don't have your support.

You don't ever, ever have to worry about that.

I will have your back no matter what.

You give birth wherever you want.

Except maybe Canada.

I'm worried we'll fall in love with the healthcare system

and never come back.

But anywhere in the continental United States, I'm there.

I love how much you care.

You know that?

Well, it's hard caring this much,

especially when we don't see things the same way.

So, how do we do this?

Maybe we keep Dr. Anderson on retainer?

Are you saying that because he took your side?

- Yeah. Duh. - Well played.

I don't know either.

I do know that there's no one else

I would rather sit next to while I'm waiting for my friend

to get out of surgery.

Even when you are acting like a cartoon caveman.

I think if we remember that, we'll be okay.

I think that's a good plan.

Good.

Because I can't wait to talk to you about homeschooling.

What?

So, you just don't want the kid to ever

leave the apartment?

Mm.

Hey.

Listen, I just wanted to apologize about earlier.

I feel like we got off on the wrong foot,

or in my case, a wheel.

Is that how you got into my class?

By playing the sympathy card?

What? No.

Of course not.

Psych 101 is a prerequisite for my course,

and Maslow is covered week one.

Well, I took Psych 101.

- A decade ago. - Uh-huh.

I don't expect any special treatment.

There were 17 students ahead of you on the waitlist,

so do you care to explain how you jumped the line?

Well... I can't.

This class is tough,

and I do not go easy on anybody.

So if you really want to be treated like everybody else...

- I do. - Okay.

- Here. - What is that?

It's a drop form.

If anybody else didn't know the material already,

that's exactly what I would tell them to do.

So come on, why don't you just save both of us some time?

_

_

Thanks for having my suit all ready for me to wear today.

Yeah, of course.

And for making me lunch, and for clearing your schedule

so you could help Carter.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

Hey, T. Everything all right?

Yeah, I just forgot to mention another cool thing

I learned on my field trip today.

There's another cool thing?

Did you know that only four centimeters of tar

was enough to trap even the largest animals?

No, I did not.

This is news to me.

And once they got stuck, it took months for them

to eventually sink into the earth.

That sounds awful.

Awful interesting.

I can't wait to go again.

Thanks, Greta, for bringing me my permission slip.

Oh. I always got your back, Theo,

even when you gift me with never-ending nightmares.

Well, good night.

Sweet dreams, T.

Night.

Love you guys.

We love you, too.

Oh, my God, he loves me.

He sure does.

And I love him.

And I love you.

I love you, too.

I call this bed.

Wait, I changed my mind. I want this bed.

Uh, this has to be only one night.

I can't let you pay for us.

But a few nights won't cost me anything.

- Yeah, but... - No, I'm using airline miles,

and I want you to have them.

Please?

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Alright, let's get you ready for bed.

I'm not tired yet!

Hey, Pop.

Can I help you unpack some of these boxes?

When am I going home?

Dad...

I'd love it if you'd at least stay the night.

It's getting late, and it's been a while

since we watched an old movie together.

Can I pick the movie?

Absolutely.

I'll even make popcorn.

Can I ask... why don't you want to stay here?

You can tell me.

What if I wake up and I don't know where I am?

What if...

What if we hang up some of these pictures

so it doesn't feel so unfamiliar?

You know, maybe

if you see you're surrounded by family,

you'll remember you're somewhere safe.

Yeah.

That's a good idea.

You even got the tools to hang these?

Of course I do.

My pain in the ass father gave me a tool box

when he sent me off to college.

Sounds like a smart, practical way

to send you out into the world.

Oh, wow, and that sounds like my dad, 100%.

Ooh. Gary.

I'm up.

Yes, I'm... I'm awake. You okay?

I think I just had a contraction.

Oh?

What?

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