All language subtitles for Modern Family - 10x09 - Putting Down Roots.KILLERS.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,289 --> 00:00:01,802 What the hell? 2 00:00:01,887 --> 00:00:04,235 Oh, my God. He brought Mom's old car? 3 00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:06,022 You know, that thing was perfect for Dede... 4 00:00:06,124 --> 00:00:07,590 loud, pulled way to the left, 5 00:00:07,692 --> 00:00:10,126 and constantly broke down in public. 6 00:00:10,194 --> 00:00:12,828 My ex-wife, Dede, died two months ago, 7 00:00:12,897 --> 00:00:15,264 and her husband, Jerry, drove down with a bunch of junk 8 00:00:15,333 --> 00:00:16,699 she wanted us to have. 9 00:00:16,801 --> 00:00:18,034 I always liked Jerry. 10 00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:20,303 Then why did you always look at him funny? 11 00:00:20,371 --> 00:00:21,938 Because I knew what he was in for. 12 00:00:22,006 --> 00:00:23,239 Same way I look at the footage 13 00:00:23,308 --> 00:00:25,541 of those people boarding the Titanic. 14 00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,910 Jay, this is for you. 15 00:00:28,012 --> 00:00:29,078 Oh, God. Is that her? 16 00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:30,947 No, no, no. Apparently this is a jar of sand 17 00:00:31,015 --> 00:00:32,415 from your honeymoon in Miami Beach. 18 00:00:32,517 --> 00:00:34,483 Oh, yeah. We stayed at the Fontainebleau. 19 00:00:34,552 --> 00:00:36,752 - Hmm. - Guess who we took an elevator with? 20 00:00:36,821 --> 00:00:38,054 Jackie Gleason. 21 00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:39,422 I told him we were the honeymooners, 22 00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:41,591 and, as a joke, he threatened to punch Dede to the moon. 23 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:42,425 [Laughs] 24 00:00:42,527 --> 00:00:43,459 Why is that funny? 25 00:00:43,528 --> 00:00:44,861 Well, that's my point. It wasn't right. 26 00:00:44,963 --> 00:00:48,030 Claire, your mom wanted you to have her old sports car. 27 00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:49,198 Oh, great. 28 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:52,602 And Mitchell, you get to keep her jewelry. 29 00:00:52,704 --> 00:00:53,636 Mitchell: Oh, so Claire gets a car, 30 00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:55,972 and I get a, uh, box of turquoise. 31 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,006 Want to trade? 32 00:00:57,075 --> 00:00:58,107 No. No, it's fine. 33 00:00:58,209 --> 00:01:00,409 I have a preteen girl at home, and she likes to play dress-up. 34 00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:02,011 And, you know, Lily might like it, too. 35 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,814 Mitchell and Claire, Dede wanted you two to decide 36 00:01:04,916 --> 00:01:06,182 who gets to keep her. 37 00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:07,984 Sorry, Jay. She left you out of this one. 38 00:01:08,052 --> 00:01:10,052 No worries, Jerr. I'm good with the sand. 39 00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:12,622 Hang on. Uh, what do you mean, "gets to keep her"? 40 00:01:13,609 --> 00:01:14,857 That's Dede. 41 00:01:14,926 --> 00:01:17,326 We had her ashes organically fused with the root ball. 42 00:01:17,428 --> 00:01:18,828 That is so Mom. 43 00:01:18,896 --> 00:01:21,897 I know. Setting up one last thing for us to fight over, 44 00:01:21,966 --> 00:01:24,066 - because neither of us want that tree. - Because both of us want the tree. 45 00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:25,034 What? 46 00:01:25,136 --> 00:01:26,502 That was easy. 47 00:01:35,613 --> 00:01:37,880 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 48 00:01:39,402 --> 00:01:41,351 - [View-Master clicks] - Oh, cool. 49 00:01:41,453 --> 00:01:43,819 Look. Nana left us her old toy box from her house. 50 00:01:43,921 --> 00:01:46,155 Aww, bless her hoarding heart. 51 00:01:46,257 --> 00:01:50,559 Remember how I used to hide in here and pop out like a scary monster? 52 00:01:50,662 --> 00:01:52,695 I had so much promise back then. 53 00:01:52,797 --> 00:01:54,664 [Grunts] 54 00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,799 A stick horse that vibrates? 55 00:01:56,901 --> 00:01:57,733 I never got the point. 56 00:01:57,835 --> 00:01:58,934 I don't know, 57 00:01:59,037 --> 00:02:01,504 but I remember spending hours riding on it. 58 00:02:01,606 --> 00:02:02,538 Same. 59 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:03,639 Hm. 60 00:02:03,741 --> 00:02:06,342 Oh. Lookie here, Alex. 61 00:02:06,444 --> 00:02:08,844 The source of your greatest shame... 62 00:02:08,946 --> 00:02:11,714 the puzzle that I solved but you never did. 63 00:02:11,816 --> 00:02:13,282 [Chuckles] Who cares? 64 00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:14,617 We were just dumb kids. 65 00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:15,718 Uh, no. 66 00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:17,586 We were dumb kids, 67 00:02:17,689 --> 00:02:19,422 and you were the genius. 68 00:02:19,524 --> 00:02:20,856 That must eat away at you. 69 00:02:20,958 --> 00:02:22,058 [Scoffs] Please. 70 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,493 I'm top of my class at a prestigious university, 71 00:02:24,595 --> 00:02:26,629 and I co-invented a technology 72 00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:29,198 that has applications to astrophysics and medicine. 73 00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:30,199 And give me that damn puzzle! 74 00:02:30,301 --> 00:02:31,233 [Chuckles] 75 00:02:31,335 --> 00:02:34,136 [Gasps] Oh, my God, it's Lulu! 76 00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,572 She was my favorite toy. [Chuckles] 77 00:02:36,674 --> 00:02:38,474 Mm. 78 00:02:42,013 --> 00:02:45,347 [Voice breaking] I guess I... I just really miss Nana. 79 00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:46,816 Also I'm pregnant. 80 00:02:46,918 --> 00:02:48,317 Dylan and I haven't told anyone 81 00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:50,152 because I'm still trying to get my head around it, 82 00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:55,091 but holding Lulu made it so real. 83 00:02:55,193 --> 00:02:58,294 I'm gonna have an actual baby. 84 00:02:58,396 --> 00:02:59,595 Aah, I'm so stressed! 85 00:02:59,697 --> 00:03:00,830 [Chuckles] I wish it was the '50s 86 00:03:00,932 --> 00:03:02,298 when it was still healthy to drink and smoke 87 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:03,799 when you're pregnant. 88 00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:05,000 [Exhales sharply] 89 00:03:05,103 --> 00:03:07,069 Wow. 90 00:03:07,171 --> 00:03:09,105 I cannot wait to restore this baby. 91 00:03:09,207 --> 00:03:10,740 My high school bully had one. 92 00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:13,309 You'd be surprised how fast this thing can go. 93 00:03:13,411 --> 00:03:16,112 No problem catching up with a kid on a bike 94 00:03:16,214 --> 00:03:17,880 who left school 10 minutes early. 95 00:03:17,982 --> 00:03:20,015 I don't know if I want another half-finished project 96 00:03:20,118 --> 00:03:21,450 rusting away in the garage. 97 00:03:21,552 --> 00:03:23,486 The only reason I stopped working on robot lawnmower 98 00:03:23,588 --> 00:03:25,354 was 'cause he started getting too smart. 99 00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,823 Come on, honey. Let's keep it. 100 00:03:27,925 --> 00:03:30,726 It reminds me of how crazy my mom could be. 101 00:03:30,828 --> 00:03:33,229 I mean, what mother has a car like this? 102 00:03:33,331 --> 00:03:35,865 How's this? We take it for one drive. 103 00:03:35,967 --> 00:03:37,633 If you're not smiling by the time we come back, 104 00:03:37,735 --> 00:03:38,667 we get rid of it. 105 00:03:39,947 --> 00:03:40,803 - One drive? - One drive. 106 00:03:40,905 --> 00:03:42,104 - One drive. - One drive. 107 00:03:42,206 --> 00:03:44,373 Ugh, she used to double-buckle me and Mitchell 108 00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:45,641 into the front seat. 109 00:03:45,743 --> 00:03:47,676 Between that and the homemade electric blankets, 110 00:03:47,779 --> 00:03:49,545 it's a wonder we're still alive. 111 00:03:51,983 --> 00:03:53,015 What's with the plumber? 112 00:03:53,117 --> 00:03:55,042 Did Joe flush his Aquaman down the toilet again? 113 00:03:55,053 --> 00:03:56,986 No. When my cousins left, 114 00:03:57,088 --> 00:03:59,288 they said that the hot water in the guest bedroom 115 00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:00,589 was not working. 116 00:04:00,691 --> 00:04:02,424 The plumber just said that there's nothing wrong. 117 00:04:02,527 --> 00:04:04,860 Someone turned it off. 118 00:04:04,962 --> 00:04:06,195 Probably Joe. 119 00:04:06,297 --> 00:04:08,197 So, what are we thinking? No play dates for a week? 120 00:04:08,299 --> 00:04:09,765 I know it was you. 121 00:04:09,867 --> 00:04:12,268 You wanted them gone, and you froze them out. 122 00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:14,203 I'm admitting nothing, 123 00:04:14,305 --> 00:04:17,072 but you said one cousin would be here for one day, 124 00:04:17,175 --> 00:04:18,440 and there were three here for a week. 125 00:04:18,543 --> 00:04:19,875 I never said that. 126 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:22,778 Why is Jerry still here? 127 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,047 I know. Something must be wrong. 128 00:04:25,149 --> 00:04:28,584 He's sitting in the car like a sad little man. 129 00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,219 We have to go and invite him in. 130 00:04:30,321 --> 00:04:32,154 No, no, no, no. He'll move off eventually. 131 00:04:32,256 --> 00:04:34,723 Glor... Street sweeping is Thursday. 132 00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:38,360 Jerry, is everything okay? 133 00:04:38,462 --> 00:04:39,895 Yeah, does your truck need a push? 134 00:04:39,997 --> 00:04:41,664 It's the darnedest thing. 135 00:04:41,766 --> 00:04:43,632 I can't seem to drive away. 136 00:04:43,734 --> 00:04:46,368 Dropping off Dede's stuff was the last check on the ol' list. 137 00:04:46,470 --> 00:04:48,003 Heck if I'm not feeling pretty lost. 138 00:04:48,105 --> 00:04:50,639 Yeah, I get it. Listen, you just drive down this street, 139 00:04:50,741 --> 00:04:52,274 turn right, and you'll hit the freeway. 140 00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:53,909 Jerry, just come inside. 141 00:04:54,011 --> 00:04:55,010 No, I couldn't. 142 00:04:55,112 --> 00:04:56,579 Yeah, got to love a man with pride. 143 00:04:56,681 --> 00:04:58,881 That's the thing that'll serve you well on the freeway. 144 00:04:58,983 --> 00:05:01,083 Just come inside, I'll make you something to eat, 145 00:05:01,185 --> 00:05:02,585 and you can stay as long as you want. 146 00:05:02,687 --> 00:05:03,552 Right, Jay? 147 00:05:03,654 --> 00:05:05,187 One of these days, Gloria. 148 00:05:05,256 --> 00:05:06,522 One of these days what? 149 00:05:06,591 --> 00:05:08,757 Nothing. Just one of these days. 150 00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,827 All right. Where should we put Mom? 151 00:05:11,929 --> 00:05:13,362 Uh, not too close to the window. 152 00:05:13,431 --> 00:05:14,964 Don't want to spend the next 20 years whispering. 153 00:05:15,032 --> 00:05:18,734 Okay, so, your mom can be a tree, but when I told you my Uncle Honus 154 00:05:18,803 --> 00:05:20,536 fell into a thresher and the next spring, 155 00:05:20,638 --> 00:05:23,873 an owl appeared with his exact face and pocket watch, you poo-pooed it. 156 00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:25,407 Why are you being so difficult? 157 00:05:25,476 --> 00:05:27,343 Because when we first got together, 158 00:05:27,445 --> 00:05:29,378 you promised that someday we would move back 159 00:05:29,447 --> 00:05:31,413 to my family farm, and every year, 160 00:05:31,515 --> 00:05:33,415 the someday gets kicked further down the road 161 00:05:33,517 --> 00:05:34,483 like a nosy census taker. 162 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:37,186 And... And once you plant your mom here, 163 00:05:37,255 --> 00:05:38,187 we're never gonna leave. 164 00:05:38,289 --> 00:05:39,221 That's crazy. 165 00:05:39,290 --> 00:05:42,424 And I-I-I don't think you want to talk about promises we made back then. 166 00:05:42,493 --> 00:05:43,492 What are you suggesting? 167 00:05:43,561 --> 00:05:45,861 - I've kept every promise I've made. - Really? 168 00:05:45,963 --> 00:05:48,931 You promised me a rose a month for the rest of my life, 169 00:05:49,033 --> 00:05:51,233 so I guess I dropped dead 15 years ago. 170 00:05:51,302 --> 00:05:52,902 I read an article that said it was environmentally ins... 171 00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:54,503 I've never seen you read an article. 172 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,606 Also, you said you'd finally watch "E.T.," 173 00:05:57,708 --> 00:05:58,941 my all-time favorite movie. 174 00:05:59,043 --> 00:06:00,376 Oh, it just seems so stupid. 175 00:06:00,478 --> 00:06:01,810 What am I caring about? 176 00:06:01,913 --> 00:06:04,904 A wrinkly puppet with a Christmas light at the end of his creepy finger? 177 00:06:04,916 --> 00:06:08,717 And really? Me saying I would watch some pandering sap-fest is the same 178 00:06:08,819 --> 00:06:12,054 as you saying I would someday be reunited with my family? 179 00:06:12,156 --> 00:06:13,522 A promise is a promise. 180 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:16,258 I couldn't agree more. 181 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:17,459 I couldn't agree more. 182 00:06:20,327 --> 00:06:24,529 So, anyway, you haven't missed much around here. 183 00:06:26,749 --> 00:06:27,915 [Sighs] 184 00:06:27,984 --> 00:06:29,650 I'm sorry to be such a burden. 185 00:06:29,719 --> 00:06:31,852 It's just I don't know how to move on. 186 00:06:31,921 --> 00:06:34,054 I've been going through incense like crazy. 187 00:06:34,156 --> 00:06:35,489 Oh, poor man. 188 00:06:35,591 --> 00:06:36,857 Here. Eat something. 189 00:06:36,926 --> 00:06:39,678 I know you're a vegetarian, so I made you tomato soup. 190 00:06:39,713 --> 00:06:40,227 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 191 00:06:40,296 --> 00:06:42,096 That looks pretty good. You have any left over for me? 192 00:06:42,198 --> 00:06:43,597 Aw, I threw it out. 193 00:06:43,666 --> 00:06:46,767 I know that you don't like things staying around too long. 194 00:06:46,869 --> 00:06:48,002 Mmm. 195 00:06:48,104 --> 00:06:49,737 She's mad at me. 196 00:06:49,805 --> 00:06:51,805 Her family overstayed their welcome, 197 00:06:51,874 --> 00:06:53,407 and I turned off the hot water, 198 00:06:53,509 --> 00:06:54,541 took a few bulbs out of the room. 199 00:06:54,644 --> 00:06:55,843 You know how it is when you're married. 200 00:06:55,945 --> 00:06:57,678 Dede and I never had a cross word. 201 00:06:57,780 --> 00:06:58,812 What? 202 00:06:58,915 --> 00:07:00,214 That is not possible. 203 00:07:00,283 --> 00:07:02,182 Yep. If things ever got heated, 204 00:07:02,251 --> 00:07:03,651 I'd come up behind her, 205 00:07:03,753 --> 00:07:04,685 put my hands on her neck... 206 00:07:04,787 --> 00:07:05,986 I'm with you so far. 207 00:07:06,055 --> 00:07:08,088 ...then massage her and tell her she was right. 208 00:07:08,190 --> 00:07:09,890 But what if she wasn't right? 209 00:07:09,992 --> 00:07:12,459 [Chuckles] That's ego talking. 210 00:07:12,528 --> 00:07:14,895 In Buddhism, we believe it's better to conquer yourself 211 00:07:14,997 --> 00:07:16,230 than win a thousand battles. 212 00:07:16,265 --> 00:07:18,832 That's why Nepal is always crushing it at the Olympics. 213 00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:20,734 Jay, an enlightened man would go over there 214 00:07:20,836 --> 00:07:23,070 and say, "Gloria, I love and respect you, 215 00:07:23,139 --> 00:07:25,072 "so of course I love and respect your family. 216 00:07:25,141 --> 00:07:26,573 I am sorry." 217 00:07:26,642 --> 00:07:27,908 But it was all her fault. 218 00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:29,944 She wouldn't admit it, but she told me 219 00:07:30,012 --> 00:07:32,780 one person was staying with us for one day. 220 00:07:32,848 --> 00:07:36,116 That's her text, but what was her subtext? 221 00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:38,852 Jerry, you're a genius. 222 00:07:38,955 --> 00:07:40,888 She sent me a text. 223 00:07:40,990 --> 00:07:41,889 I have the proof. 224 00:07:41,991 --> 00:07:42,856 Gloria? 225 00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:44,425 - What? - Right here. 226 00:07:44,527 --> 00:07:46,860 You don't have to walk over here. 227 00:07:46,929 --> 00:07:49,096 I can read your giant font from across the room. 228 00:07:49,198 --> 00:07:51,231 "Jay, don't call the police when you come home. 229 00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:52,333 "It's my cousin. 230 00:07:52,435 --> 00:07:55,369 He's staying with us for one day." 231 00:07:55,438 --> 00:07:57,071 Let me see. 232 00:07:59,342 --> 00:08:01,275 [Garbage disposal grinding] 233 00:08:05,147 --> 00:08:07,414 Walk me through that Buddhist nonsense again. 234 00:08:07,483 --> 00:08:09,550 Whoo-hoo! 235 00:08:09,652 --> 00:08:12,219 Fun, huh? Feel that wind and smell that air. 236 00:08:12,321 --> 00:08:13,988 Yeah, it's so bumpy. 237 00:08:14,090 --> 00:08:16,323 Sports suspension. Nothing between me and the road 238 00:08:16,392 --> 00:08:17,858 except my knuckle-less gloves. 239 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,460 Why do you even have those? 240 00:08:19,562 --> 00:08:20,527 Oh, a quirk of the Dunphys. 241 00:08:20,596 --> 00:08:22,196 My fingers get cold, but my knuckles get hot. 242 00:08:22,298 --> 00:08:23,197 Ah. 243 00:08:23,265 --> 00:08:24,531 Check it out! 244 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,899 There's an 8-track player. I love it. 245 00:08:25,968 --> 00:08:27,401 Let's crank something. 246 00:08:27,503 --> 00:08:30,004 Never heard of this band... Head Cleaner. 247 00:08:30,106 --> 00:08:32,306 Yeah, why don't we just listen to whatever's in there? 248 00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:33,807 [Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild" plays] 249 00:08:33,909 --> 00:08:35,409 Oh, my God. 250 00:08:35,511 --> 00:08:38,512 - Oh, this takes me back. - Yeah, I love it. 251 00:08:38,614 --> 00:08:41,915 ♪ Get your motor goin' ♪ 252 00:08:41,984 --> 00:08:44,351 ♪ Heading for the doorway ♪ 253 00:08:45,140 --> 00:08:47,888 ♪ Cooking an adventure ♪ 254 00:08:47,957 --> 00:08:50,557 ♪ And then we make that doorway ♪ 255 00:08:50,659 --> 00:08:51,992 So fun! 256 00:08:52,061 --> 00:08:53,827 You're smiling. You love the car. 257 00:08:53,929 --> 00:08:55,229 Ah, I just remembered something. 258 00:08:55,297 --> 00:08:56,230 What? Tell me. 259 00:08:56,298 --> 00:08:58,065 It's a... It's a thing from high school. 260 00:08:58,134 --> 00:09:00,134 Come on. There are no secrets on the open road. 261 00:09:00,236 --> 00:09:03,237 I just remembered that I lost my virginity in this car. 262 00:09:03,305 --> 00:09:04,738 - [Music stops] - What's that now? 263 00:09:04,807 --> 00:09:07,307 Yeah, my boyfriend snuck the car out at night 264 00:09:07,410 --> 00:09:08,509 and then, you know... 265 00:09:08,611 --> 00:09:09,843 ♪ He found the doorway ♪ 266 00:09:09,945 --> 00:09:12,479 [Laughs] 267 00:09:12,581 --> 00:09:13,781 Oh, my knuckles are overheating. 268 00:09:13,883 --> 00:09:15,315 This isn't bothering you, is it, Phil? 269 00:09:15,418 --> 00:09:16,850 I mean, you told me about your first time. 270 00:09:16,919 --> 00:09:19,019 I told you about that to explain why I hate bees so much. 271 00:09:19,121 --> 00:09:20,220 Let's just not talk about this anymore. 272 00:09:20,322 --> 00:09:21,255 Okay. 273 00:09:21,357 --> 00:09:25,359 ♪ Born to be wild ♪ 274 00:09:25,461 --> 00:09:27,261 This is the song that was playing, isn't it? 275 00:09:27,329 --> 00:09:28,262 It's one of them. 276 00:09:28,364 --> 00:09:30,831 [8-track clicks, clatters] 277 00:09:31,485 --> 00:09:32,733 Haley: I'm gonna fix lunch. Want some? 278 00:09:32,802 --> 00:09:34,104 You're eating lunch? 279 00:09:34,137 --> 00:09:36,036 Is there some new Internet challenge I'm not aware of? 280 00:09:36,105 --> 00:09:37,738 And why is your doll in bandages? 281 00:09:37,807 --> 00:09:40,507 You know me. I always loved playing doctor. 282 00:09:40,576 --> 00:09:42,743 The truth is, I accidentally ran her over 283 00:09:42,812 --> 00:09:44,645 and ripped her arm off, which might have been fine 284 00:09:44,713 --> 00:09:48,248 if that was the only baby-mangling issue I had today. 285 00:09:52,221 --> 00:09:53,253 Oh, my God! 286 00:09:53,355 --> 00:09:54,688 Oh, uh, uh... 287 00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:57,157 Oh, my God. 288 00:09:57,259 --> 00:09:58,759 I'm not cut out to be a mother. 289 00:09:58,861 --> 00:10:02,029 Then again, a real baby is easier than a doll, right? 290 00:10:02,098 --> 00:10:05,199 [Laughing] Like, a real baby would let you know 291 00:10:05,301 --> 00:10:07,334 if it was on fire. 292 00:10:07,403 --> 00:10:08,335 [Cameron sobbing] 293 00:10:08,404 --> 00:10:10,938 Oh, God, why are you crying? 294 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,307 Did you just win the weirdest beauty pageant ever? 295 00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:16,143 Promises kept, Mitchell... 180 months of roses, 296 00:10:16,245 --> 00:10:19,213 and I just watched the most beautiful love story 297 00:10:19,315 --> 00:10:21,348 between boy and alien. 298 00:10:21,417 --> 00:10:24,251 Why can't the world have the hearts of children? 299 00:10:24,353 --> 00:10:25,686 Uh-huh. 300 00:10:26,248 --> 00:10:27,621 You know, I think the thing that touched me the most 301 00:10:27,723 --> 00:10:32,593 was how we were really rooting for E.T. to find his way home. 302 00:10:32,695 --> 00:10:35,295 I bet you were pretty thrilled to stumble upon that coincidence. 303 00:10:35,397 --> 00:10:36,236 I didn't hate it. 304 00:10:36,332 --> 00:10:38,866 Anyway, I'm all caught up in the promises department. 305 00:10:38,934 --> 00:10:39,933 Your serve. 306 00:10:40,002 --> 00:10:42,035 Cam, I just started at the D.A.'s office. 307 00:10:42,104 --> 00:10:43,904 I... I can't move anytime soon. 308 00:10:43,973 --> 00:10:45,472 Plus, what about Lily's school? 309 00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:47,074 They have schools in Grasshopper. 310 00:10:47,176 --> 00:10:48,242 Do they? 311 00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:50,844 - Plus, Lily has so many friends here. - Does she? 312 00:10:50,913 --> 00:10:52,846 Did I hear my name? 313 00:10:52,915 --> 00:10:55,182 What are you two yentas gabbing about? 314 00:10:55,251 --> 00:10:58,252 We were just talking about moving to Grandma and Grandpa's farm 315 00:10:58,354 --> 00:11:00,020 in... in the heart of Tornado Alley. 316 00:11:00,089 --> 00:11:03,059 Oh, God. Cam... Cam. Look, she's clearly terrified. 317 00:11:03,094 --> 00:11:05,359 Yeah, well, don't worry, sweetie, because it's already been determined. 318 00:11:05,461 --> 00:11:06,827 We're staying here forever, 319 00:11:06,929 --> 00:11:10,998 because other daddy is planting dead Nana in the backyard. 320 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:11,965 I'm out. 321 00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,800 Okay, it was my mother's last wish 322 00:11:13,903 --> 00:11:15,936 that one of us take her, and Claire doesn't want her. 323 00:11:16,038 --> 00:11:16,970 What do you want me to do? 324 00:11:17,072 --> 00:11:18,172 Well, what do you want me to do? 325 00:11:18,274 --> 00:11:20,274 The farm has been in my family for 100 years. 326 00:11:20,376 --> 00:11:22,306 You know, I'm next in line, and you know Daddy. 327 00:11:22,341 --> 00:11:23,544 H-He's slowing down. 328 00:11:23,646 --> 00:11:27,314 Your mother just sent us a video of him winning a log-rolling contest. 329 00:11:27,416 --> 00:11:30,117 Only in his age group, and he was so spent the next day, 330 00:11:30,219 --> 00:11:31,652 he slept through his first rooster crow 331 00:11:31,754 --> 00:11:33,587 and his snooze rooster crow. 332 00:11:33,689 --> 00:11:35,321 Just admit it... you have no intention 333 00:11:35,322 --> 00:11:36,989 of keeping your promise of moving to Missouri. 334 00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:38,209 You know what? You're right. 335 00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:41,446 I... I can't ever imagine myself living on that farm. I'm sorry. 336 00:11:41,447 --> 00:11:42,447 Well, there it is. 337 00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:46,565 I'm just glad E.T. didn't land at your house. 338 00:11:48,415 --> 00:11:49,922 Okay, don't give me that look. 339 00:11:50,021 --> 00:11:51,249 You'll get to go back to Missouri 340 00:11:51,322 --> 00:11:54,022 when your mom gets released from pris... uh, princess camp. 341 00:11:54,090 --> 00:11:56,491 You're really hitting the gum pretty hard, aren't you? 342 00:11:56,526 --> 00:11:59,027 How do I do this? Do I... Do I just push down? 343 00:11:59,095 --> 00:11:59,994 I don't know. 344 00:12:00,505 --> 00:12:01,796 Nope. 345 00:12:01,898 --> 00:12:02,797 [Laughs] 346 00:12:02,866 --> 00:12:04,032 I got off to a slow start, 347 00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:05,900 but eventually I... I found my rhythm. 348 00:12:05,969 --> 00:12:07,502 And... And once I broke that sprinkler line, 349 00:12:07,570 --> 00:12:09,404 the... the water did most of the digging for me. 350 00:12:09,472 --> 00:12:12,707 All right, let's go. Just one last pull. 351 00:12:12,809 --> 00:12:14,942 Ah! Ah, okay, that's my ankle. 352 00:12:15,011 --> 00:12:16,323 - [Giggles] - I'm stuck. 353 00:12:16,413 --> 00:12:19,347 Cal, so, what I'm gonna need you to do is go insi... 354 00:12:19,416 --> 00:12:22,150 Cal. Cal! 355 00:12:23,146 --> 00:12:24,786 [Mumbling indistinctly] 356 00:12:24,854 --> 00:12:26,087 What? What is it, boy? 357 00:12:26,189 --> 00:12:27,989 - [Mumbling indistinctly] - Mitchell? 358 00:12:28,058 --> 00:12:29,023 H-He's in trouble? 359 00:12:29,092 --> 00:12:31,859 Trapped in a hole? Show me. 360 00:12:34,064 --> 00:12:36,464 - Oh, my God, you're cheating. - No. 361 00:12:36,533 --> 00:12:37,965 You're looking at ways to solve the puzzle. 362 00:12:38,068 --> 00:12:40,535 How'd you do it, you pea-brain? 363 00:12:40,637 --> 00:12:41,636 Aah! 364 00:12:42,839 --> 00:12:44,205 What is wrong with me? 365 00:12:44,307 --> 00:12:45,973 Maybe Dr. Johnson is right. 366 00:12:46,042 --> 00:12:47,909 Maybe I don't have what it takes to live on Mars. 367 00:12:47,977 --> 00:12:49,077 [Groans] 368 00:12:49,179 --> 00:12:50,878 Stop! Stop. 369 00:12:50,947 --> 00:12:51,913 It's not you. 370 00:12:51,981 --> 00:12:53,214 After I solved the puzzle, 371 00:12:53,283 --> 00:12:54,882 I wanted to make sure you couldn't, 372 00:12:54,951 --> 00:12:56,517 so I broke a few pieces, 373 00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:57,618 glued some others together. 374 00:12:57,687 --> 00:12:58,753 It can't be solved. 375 00:12:59,901 --> 00:13:01,823 I've had nightmares over that puzzle! 376 00:13:01,891 --> 00:13:03,024 I cried about it in therapy! 377 00:13:03,093 --> 00:13:04,025 Stop! Not the hair! You're gonna fizz it. 378 00:13:04,127 --> 00:13:06,861 Hey, what the hell? Break it up. 379 00:13:06,963 --> 00:13:08,129 Luke's not playing fair. 380 00:13:08,198 --> 00:13:09,964 Yeah, well, you make him feel dumb, 381 00:13:10,033 --> 00:13:11,299 and he acts like it doesn't bother him, 382 00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:13,301 but it does. And, Luke, 383 00:13:13,369 --> 00:13:15,436 you know better than to mess with someone so uptight. 384 00:13:15,505 --> 00:13:16,704 What do we always say? 385 00:13:16,773 --> 00:13:18,940 Don't break Alex. She's our safety net. 386 00:13:19,008 --> 00:13:20,742 Now, you both need to calm down. 387 00:13:20,810 --> 00:13:21,843 Luke, walk it off. 388 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,312 Oh, no. 389 00:13:24,414 --> 00:13:25,480 Where's Lulu? 390 00:13:25,582 --> 00:13:26,914 Wh... Huh? 391 00:13:27,016 --> 00:13:27,949 The doll? 392 00:13:28,051 --> 00:13:29,984 Who cares? 393 00:13:30,086 --> 00:13:31,853 [Cries] 394 00:13:33,954 --> 00:13:35,857 Haley, what's going on with you today? 395 00:13:35,925 --> 00:13:36,858 Are you okay? 396 00:13:36,926 --> 00:13:39,327 [Sniffles] Okay, um... 397 00:13:39,395 --> 00:13:42,463 So, no one else knows, especially Mom and Dad, 398 00:13:42,532 --> 00:13:46,100 so you can't tell anybody, but... 399 00:13:46,169 --> 00:13:47,635 I'm pregnant. 400 00:13:47,737 --> 00:13:48,703 You're pregnant? 401 00:13:48,805 --> 00:13:50,872 Damn it, Luke! 402 00:13:52,308 --> 00:13:53,241 Wow. 403 00:13:53,343 --> 00:13:55,910 Guys, don't look at me like that, okay? 404 00:13:56,012 --> 00:13:59,280 You must think I'm some irresponsible idiot, don't you? 405 00:13:59,349 --> 00:14:02,717 Um, uh, it's a... Wow, that's... 406 00:14:02,786 --> 00:14:04,619 You got... That's a lot to process. 407 00:14:04,721 --> 00:14:06,487 I... 408 00:14:06,556 --> 00:14:08,456 D-Do you know who's the... 409 00:14:08,558 --> 00:14:09,490 It's Dylan's. 410 00:14:09,592 --> 00:14:10,992 Oh. What a joyous... 411 00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:12,026 Oh, save it. 412 00:14:12,128 --> 00:14:13,861 He's been great, actually. 413 00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:17,064 I'm the disaster. I mean, look at Lulu. 414 00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:18,814 [Voice breaking] I'm gonna be a horrible mother. 415 00:14:19,372 --> 00:14:23,471 Okay, first, it's just a doll. 416 00:14:23,573 --> 00:14:26,166 And you've been taking care of us our whole lives. 417 00:14:26,277 --> 00:14:29,310 Yeah. Remember how you used to pick out 418 00:14:29,379 --> 00:14:31,813 my first day of school outfit so I wouldn't get beat up? 419 00:14:31,881 --> 00:14:35,216 Or how you'd hold the book while I read myself a bedtime story? 420 00:14:35,285 --> 00:14:36,951 And you're still doing it. 421 00:14:37,053 --> 00:14:40,421 You just swooped in and handled our fight like a pro. 422 00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:43,925 And you're understanding and loving and a total badass. 423 00:14:44,027 --> 00:14:45,393 She's right. 424 00:14:45,461 --> 00:14:47,562 You're the kind of person that can patch things up 425 00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:50,031 if, say, Alex ever found out 426 00:14:50,066 --> 00:14:52,266 that I re-arranged the stickers on her Rubik's Cube. 427 00:14:52,368 --> 00:14:55,002 You son of a... 428 00:14:55,104 --> 00:14:57,171 Aah! Hair, hair! Haley, help! 429 00:14:58,575 --> 00:15:00,775 Oh. Well, I'm smiling, 430 00:15:00,877 --> 00:15:02,510 so I guess we're keeping the car. 431 00:15:02,612 --> 00:15:04,078 No, you know what? You're right. 432 00:15:04,147 --> 00:15:06,380 It's not safe, and it's just gonna take up space. 433 00:15:06,935 --> 00:15:08,783 Honey, did I say something wrong? 434 00:15:08,885 --> 00:15:09,817 Are you feeling bad? 435 00:15:09,886 --> 00:15:11,819 Well, I-I guess if I'm being honest, 436 00:15:11,888 --> 00:15:13,621 I'm a-a little worried that every time I get in the car, 437 00:15:13,690 --> 00:15:15,957 I'll picture you and, uh... 438 00:15:16,059 --> 00:15:16,924 Todd. 439 00:15:17,026 --> 00:15:18,226 - Todd? - Todd. 440 00:15:18,294 --> 00:15:19,794 Todd was the name of my bully. 441 00:15:19,863 --> 00:15:20,895 It's getting realer. 442 00:15:20,964 --> 00:15:22,430 I mean, how would you feel 443 00:15:22,532 --> 00:15:25,299 about driving around in the sweet ride I lost my virginy in? 444 00:15:25,401 --> 00:15:28,836 Do you really think you can track down the ox cart from the Renaissance fair? 445 00:15:28,905 --> 00:15:31,472 I only got to second base in the ox cart. 446 00:15:31,541 --> 00:15:33,908 If it makes you uncomfortable, we can sell the car. 447 00:15:33,977 --> 00:15:35,743 - Really? - Yeah. 448 00:15:35,845 --> 00:15:36,644 Thank you. 449 00:15:36,713 --> 00:15:39,013 But for what it's worth, 450 00:15:39,082 --> 00:15:41,782 I don't want to keep it because I had so much great sex in it. 451 00:15:41,851 --> 00:15:45,086 - So much? - No, it's because of what happened the next day. 452 00:15:45,154 --> 00:15:49,123 My mom, ugh, she found the condom wrapper 453 00:15:49,192 --> 00:15:52,693 under the seat, and it must have freaked her out. 454 00:15:52,762 --> 00:15:56,163 But instead of shaming me 455 00:15:56,199 --> 00:16:01,035 or... or embarrassing me with some long, awful lecture, 456 00:16:01,104 --> 00:16:03,437 she was cool. 457 00:16:03,473 --> 00:16:05,907 She wanted to make sure that I was okay with everything 458 00:16:05,975 --> 00:16:08,309 and that it had all been a good experience. 459 00:16:08,411 --> 00:16:10,511 But... [Sighs] 460 00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:12,280 Wow. 461 00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:15,716 That must be why she wanted me to have the car. 462 00:16:15,785 --> 00:16:18,819 That talk meant as much to my mom as it did to me. 463 00:16:18,922 --> 00:16:21,222 That's incredibly sweet, 464 00:16:21,257 --> 00:16:23,958 and, if it means that much to you, you should keep it. 465 00:16:24,027 --> 00:16:25,826 But I doubt I'll ever feel comfortable in it. 466 00:16:26,721 --> 00:16:28,562 We can fix that. 467 00:16:28,665 --> 00:16:32,366 [Garage door closing] 468 00:16:32,468 --> 00:16:33,868 I like where this is going. 469 00:16:33,937 --> 00:16:37,038 I'm gonna make you the best sex I ever had in this car. 470 00:16:37,106 --> 00:16:38,739 That's a lot of pressure. Let's aim for top three. 471 00:16:38,841 --> 00:16:39,840 Mm. 472 00:16:44,196 --> 00:16:47,114 Gloria. I have something to say. 473 00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:50,985 My approach cost me a phone and a second visit from the plumber, 474 00:16:51,054 --> 00:16:53,554 so I decided to try Jerry's advice 475 00:16:53,589 --> 00:16:56,924 and give Gloria a heartfelt, sincere apology. 476 00:16:57,026 --> 00:16:58,426 How hard could that be to fake? 477 00:16:58,494 --> 00:17:01,996 I was wrong to chase off your cousins. 478 00:17:02,065 --> 00:17:04,765 I'm sorry that I didn't... 479 00:17:04,834 --> 00:17:07,034 take your feelings into consideration. 480 00:17:07,585 --> 00:17:10,938 You deserve to be respected. 481 00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:13,007 What I should've said was I love you, 482 00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:14,775 so I love your family. 483 00:17:14,877 --> 00:17:17,778 Please forgive me for my rude behavior. 484 00:17:17,847 --> 00:17:20,781 Jay, this is all I ever wanted. 485 00:17:21,335 --> 00:17:24,585 For you to come to me like this, it means the world to me. 486 00:17:24,687 --> 00:17:25,886 I'm sorry. 487 00:17:25,955 --> 00:17:28,990 I should've been more forward about my cousin's visit. 488 00:17:29,092 --> 00:17:32,593 And I was wrong for crushing your cellphone. 489 00:17:32,695 --> 00:17:33,928 Can you ever forgive me? 490 00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:36,263 Well, it may take a little while, but sure, 491 00:17:36,332 --> 00:17:37,264 I guess I can. 492 00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:38,766 You know what I'm going to do? 493 00:17:38,835 --> 00:17:42,370 I'm gonna go to that butcher shop that you like. 494 00:17:43,139 --> 00:17:45,406 And, if Jerry doesn't mind, 495 00:17:45,508 --> 00:17:48,309 I'm gonna buy you a beautiful steak for dinner. 496 00:17:48,411 --> 00:17:50,277 Hey, it's your house. You do what's best for you. 497 00:17:50,346 --> 00:17:51,846 Come to my house, I'm going to be nude. 498 00:17:51,914 --> 00:17:54,015 We're never going to go to your house, Jerry. 499 00:17:54,117 --> 00:17:55,616 Did you hear that, Stella? 500 00:17:55,685 --> 00:17:56,784 We're gonna have a steak. 501 00:17:56,853 --> 00:17:57,985 Jerry, you're a genius. 502 00:17:58,054 --> 00:17:59,720 - This is life-changing. - What did I tell you? 503 00:17:59,789 --> 00:18:01,455 I wish I had tried this years ago. 504 00:18:01,557 --> 00:18:04,492 This would've made my life with Dede downright tolerable. 505 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:05,493 Who knows? 506 00:18:05,561 --> 00:18:06,794 Maybe we even could've been happy. 507 00:18:06,863 --> 00:18:07,862 I'm glad you think so. 508 00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:10,231 But I'm not the one you need to tell. 509 00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:13,868 Hey, Dede, it's me, Jay. Just wondering how you're doing. 510 00:18:13,970 --> 00:18:14,902 Dad? 511 00:18:15,004 --> 00:18:16,737 Uh, it's Saturday here. 512 00:18:16,806 --> 00:18:18,906 You're not leaving a voicemail. 513 00:18:18,975 --> 00:18:19,907 - From the heart. - Yeah. 514 00:18:20,009 --> 00:18:22,009 What I wanted to say is 515 00:18:22,111 --> 00:18:25,413 I could've handled a lot of things better in our relationship. 516 00:18:25,515 --> 00:18:26,414 Mm. 517 00:18:26,516 --> 00:18:27,982 I guess I wasn't a very good partner. 518 00:18:28,051 --> 00:18:29,216 I dug in a lot. 519 00:18:29,318 --> 00:18:32,086 I never thought of things from your point of view. 520 00:18:32,155 --> 00:18:35,456 I guess I always needed to get my own way. 521 00:18:35,525 --> 00:18:36,957 Anyway, you were a good woman, 522 00:18:37,026 --> 00:18:38,292 and we had some fun times, 523 00:18:38,394 --> 00:18:40,261 especially in the sack. 524 00:18:40,363 --> 00:18:41,829 Never had a problem there. 525 00:18:41,898 --> 00:18:43,731 Careful. That's my wife you're talking to. 526 00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,566 - Oh, sorry, Jerr, yeah. - Okay. 527 00:18:45,635 --> 00:18:47,868 I hope you grow up into a nice, big tree, 528 00:18:47,970 --> 00:18:50,104 a-and I hope you don't get any of those beetles 529 00:18:50,206 --> 00:18:51,172 that are killing everything. 530 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,107 And when you settle in in a little while, 531 00:18:53,176 --> 00:18:55,242 maybe I'll bring Joe over and he can climb you. 532 00:18:55,311 --> 00:18:57,645 - Mm. - Amen. 533 00:18:58,335 --> 00:18:59,513 You done? 534 00:18:59,582 --> 00:19:00,748 Yeah, I think so. 535 00:19:00,817 --> 00:19:02,149 Mind if I say a word? 536 00:19:02,251 --> 00:19:04,051 She's all yours. 537 00:19:04,153 --> 00:19:06,253 Jay was a big man. 538 00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:08,456 He apologized to his wife. 539 00:19:08,524 --> 00:19:10,357 And do you know what she did? 540 00:19:10,426 --> 00:19:11,959 She apologized back! 541 00:19:12,508 --> 00:19:14,628 Did you ever do that even once?! 542 00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:18,799 I apologized to you a thousand times, and you let me just eat it. 543 00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:20,301 Well, I'm tired of telling you you're always right, 544 00:19:20,403 --> 00:19:21,569 'cause guess what? 545 00:19:21,637 --> 00:19:24,071 That dolphin did not recognize you. 546 00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:25,840 Your haikus had too many syllables. 547 00:19:25,942 --> 00:19:28,342 And trust me, vegans do need deodorant! 548 00:19:28,444 --> 00:19:31,312 All right. Come on. 549 00:19:31,414 --> 00:19:32,847 Come on, kid. Let me buy you a nice steak. 550 00:19:32,949 --> 00:19:33,881 Yeah. 551 00:19:33,950 --> 00:19:35,916 Cameron: Hey. Here. 552 00:19:35,985 --> 00:19:37,485 I-I want you to eat something. 553 00:19:37,587 --> 00:19:38,586 Be careful. 554 00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:40,521 Thank you for taking such good care of me, 555 00:19:40,623 --> 00:19:41,555 even when you're mad. 556 00:19:41,624 --> 00:19:43,691 No. My gosh, I am not mad. 557 00:19:43,793 --> 00:19:45,059 And I shouldn't have pushed. 558 00:19:45,161 --> 00:19:48,429 I-I'm sorry, but, you know, if we learn one thing today, 559 00:19:48,531 --> 00:19:51,365 it's that you couldn't survive on a farm. 560 00:19:51,467 --> 00:19:52,900 I'll be fine, 561 00:19:53,002 --> 00:19:55,302 - because I'll be with you. - What? 562 00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:58,272 I guess w-when I look at things from your point of view, 563 00:19:58,374 --> 00:20:00,808 I... I made a promise. 564 00:20:00,910 --> 00:20:03,310 When your dad needs you to take over the farm, 565 00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:04,345 I'm in. 566 00:20:04,447 --> 00:20:06,614 Mitchell, that means so much to me, 567 00:20:06,716 --> 00:20:08,616 and you're gonna love it. 568 00:20:08,718 --> 00:20:10,851 The fresh air, and there's no traffic. 569 00:20:10,953 --> 00:20:13,954 Oh, and with a second lawyer in town, we could reopen the courthouse. 570 00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:16,056 H-Have you ever milked a goat? 571 00:20:16,159 --> 00:20:18,402 Have you ever had fresh milk right from the spigot? 572 00:20:18,495 --> 00:20:20,027 Oh, unbelievable. 573 00:20:20,129 --> 00:20:21,795 You do have to be careful of snakes and mice and rats. 574 00:20:21,898 --> 00:20:23,864 There's a ton of field mice. 575 00:20:23,966 --> 00:20:26,484 They scare me. One ran up my sleeve one time when I was a kid. 576 00:20:28,385 --> 00:20:31,493 This car is smaller than I remember. I think I'm just less flexible? 577 00:20:31,595 --> 00:20:33,628 - I think I threw out my lap. - Oh. 578 00:20:34,112 --> 00:20:36,098 We were, um, just cleaning out the garage. 579 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,532 Mm, nice try. We heard everything. 580 00:20:37,634 --> 00:20:38,733 Yeah, although around the finish line, 581 00:20:38,836 --> 00:20:40,969 we kind of lost track of who was who. 582 00:20:41,071 --> 00:20:44,272 I can't believe Mom caught you having sex in her car again. 583 00:20:44,374 --> 00:20:46,808 You're calling the tree Mom? Okay. 584 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:48,710 So, listen, after some reflection, 585 00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:51,191 we decided that she might be better off here. 586 00:20:51,226 --> 00:20:52,314 Now, before you say no... 587 00:20:52,349 --> 00:20:53,582 I'd actually really like that. 588 00:20:54,247 --> 00:20:55,217 Haley: Hey! 589 00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:57,168 What was all that screeching in the garage? 590 00:20:57,203 --> 00:20:58,086 Are the raccoons back? 591 00:20:58,088 --> 00:20:59,254 Damn it! 592 00:21:03,353 --> 00:21:05,392 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 43449

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