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1
00:01:16.200 --> 00:01:18.873
- Daddy, do I have to watch this?
- Yes, you do.
2
00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:21.395
As your father, when I find
something of quality...
3
00:01:21.600 --> 00:01:24.558
...I feel it's my responsibility
that my child reap the benefits.
4
00:01:24.760 --> 00:01:25.988
TV is not all trash.
5
00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:31.151
And now, back to Psycho Dad.
6
00:01:33.360 --> 00:01:36.272
A little touchedOr so we're told
7
00:01:36.480 --> 00:01:39.711
He killed his wifeBecause she had a cold
8
00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:42.639
- Might as well, she was getting old- Getting old
9
00:01:43.280 --> 00:01:46.750
Psycho DadPsycho Dad
10
00:01:46.960 --> 00:01:48.552
Psycho Dad
11
00:01:48.760 --> 00:01:53.629
He's quick with a gunAnd his job ain't done
12
00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:58.550
Killed three wives by 21He's Psycho Dad
13
00:01:59.800 --> 00:02:03.270
This is why we must give to PBS.
14
00:02:04.720 --> 00:02:06.950
Oh, I'm so sick.
15
00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:19.320
Can someone get me some water?
16
00:02:19.720 --> 00:02:22.553
You know where the kitchen is.
17
00:02:22.760 --> 00:02:24.796
Or maybe you don't.
18
00:02:27.400 --> 00:02:29.600
Daddy, she is sick. She needs help.
19
00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:33.759
Mom, the kitchen's over there
somewhere.
20
00:02:36.480 --> 00:02:38.596
All right, fine. Be that way.
21
00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:41.400
But I hope you realize,
the longer I stay sick...
22
00:02:41.600 --> 00:02:44.717
...the longer it'll be before
I do any housework around here.
23
00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:47.110
Oh, gee, Peg.
24
00:02:47.320 --> 00:02:49.436
But we can still have sex, can't we?
25
00:02:55.320 --> 00:02:58.995
Mom, Dad, Grandma.
26
00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:02.998
A weird thing happened to me
at school.
27
00:03:03.200 --> 00:03:06.397
My English teacher, Miss McGowen,
she was looking at me.
28
00:03:08.640 --> 00:03:12.235
She looked right at you?
Is she all right?
29
00:03:14.680 --> 00:03:17.877
Listen, Craftmatic Adjustable Girl...
30
00:03:19.600 --> 00:03:20.874
...I know the look.
31
00:03:21.120 --> 00:03:25.432
I get it plenty as I parade
the total package around town.
32
00:03:25.640 --> 00:03:30.236
It's the look that says, "You've got
it all and I want a piece of it."
33
00:03:30.480 --> 00:03:33.552
I've seen that look a thousand times
on a thousand faces.
34
00:03:33.760 --> 00:03:35.876
And I saw it again today.
35
00:03:37.760 --> 00:03:41.435
I'm not kidding. It was desire.
Desire, I tell you.
36
00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:45.360
Well, the great thing is that
you're at your sexual peak.
37
00:03:45.240 --> 00:03:48.516
This is it, Bud. "She looked at me."
38
00:03:48.720 --> 00:03:52.429
Yeah, that was the top of the hill.
The supreme moment.
39
00:03:52.640 --> 00:03:55.757
Something to tell your cats about
when you're 60.
40
00:03:56.480 --> 00:04:00.359
You know, when you think they're
looking at you, but they only want food.
41
00:04:01.200 --> 00:04:04.590
You know, this is almost too sad
to spread around the mall.
42
00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:06.950
Yep, almost.
43
00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:11.873
It is possible she looked at me.
Isn't it, Dad?
44
00:04:12.800 --> 00:04:14.958
Bud, didn't I take you to Little League
when you were 8?
45
00:04:15.160 --> 00:04:17.833
- Yes.
- Then what do you want from me?
46
00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:23.355
See, I told you he wouldn't
have a date.
47
00:04:25.160 --> 00:04:27.355
- Now go ahead and ask him.
- All right.
48
00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:31.752
Hey, we're on our way
to Chuck E. Cheese...
49
00:04:33.680 --> 00:04:35.750
...and we'd be honored
if you'd go with us.
50
00:04:35.960 --> 00:04:39.157
We don't want you to think that we're
taking you somewhere out of pity.
51
00:04:39.360 --> 00:04:42.477
- It's really a happening place, right?
- Oh, yeah. As the kids say:
52
00:04:42.680 --> 00:04:46.434
"It's uptight, out of sight,
and everything'll be all right!"
53
00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:49.917
You can pretend it's your birthday
and we'll get you a Chuck E. Ducky.
54
00:04:50.120 --> 00:04:52.634
It makes bath time fun.
55
00:04:54.920 --> 00:04:57.753
What does it look like I am,
the kid in Mask?
56
00:04:58.400 --> 00:04:59.758
I am popular.
57
00:04:59.960 --> 00:05:02.269
You get that, people? Popular.
58
00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:04.675
Now can I get a
"Whoa, Bud is popular"?
59
00:05:05.320 --> 00:05:08.357
How about a "Whoa, shoot the boy"?
60
00:05:09.840 --> 00:05:12.752
I see. Well, get a load of this.
61
00:05:12.960 --> 00:05:15.952
Today at school, a teacher was
looking at me like I was breakfast.
62
00:05:16.160 --> 00:05:21.188
- What do you think of that, D'Arcy?
- I think that deserves an extra topping.
63
00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:25.917
She was looking at me.
She was, she was.
64
00:05:26.440 --> 00:05:30.350
She was looking at me
like Mrs. D'Arcy used to look at me.
65
00:05:33.640 --> 00:05:35.596
You mean like this?
66
00:05:39.400 --> 00:05:42.112
Well, yeah, but it was even more
bold with desire.
67
00:05:42.360 --> 00:05:46.690
All right, a commercial's on now,
I guess I have to get into this.
68
00:05:46.600 --> 00:05:50.360
What are you people trying to do,
ruin my boy's confidence?
69
00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:54.711
Now, if he says a teacher looked at
him, I say a teacher looked at him.
70
00:05:54.920 --> 00:05:57.388
Son, was this a female teacher?
71
00:05:59.800 --> 00:06:00.991
Yes, Dad.
72
00:06:02.120 --> 00:06:05.237
- Seriously?
- Yes.
73
00:06:05.440 --> 00:06:06.953
All right, then, let's celebrate.
74
00:06:07.200 --> 00:06:09.953
You sit right down here
and you watch TV.
75
00:06:10.200 --> 00:06:12.668
Listen, is that Chuck E. Cheese
place good?
76
00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:16.674
We were only going to do it for the boy
because he was alone on Friday night.
77
00:06:16.880 --> 00:06:18.472
Well, I'm alone on Friday night too.
78
00:06:18.680 --> 00:06:23.356
Well, gee, Al, it's too bad that the
Hair Club for Men isn't a real club, eh?
79
00:06:24.400 --> 00:06:26.755
Take me to Chuck E. Cheese.
You were gonna take Bud.
80
00:06:26.960 --> 00:06:28.712
Don't make me beg. Come on.
81
00:06:29.880 --> 00:06:32.952
Well, Bud, I guess
it's just you and me.
82
00:06:33.200 --> 00:06:35.156
My boy and his sick mother...
83
00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:37.271
...who nursed you
when you were a baby...
84
00:06:37.480 --> 00:06:41.712
...who fed you and nurtured you
and now all she asks for in return...
85
00:06:41.920 --> 00:06:45.833
...is some soup from Jerry's
and a burger from Don's...
86
00:06:46.400 --> 00:06:48.270
...and a meatball hero
from Tratatorio's...
87
00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:51.438
...and a snow cone from Izzi's
at the airport.
88
00:06:52.320 --> 00:06:53.958
Mom, it's Friday night.
89
00:06:54.200 --> 00:06:57.237
Oh, my mama
90
00:06:57.440 --> 00:07:01.399
To me she was so beautiful
91
00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:05.229
Oh, my mama
92
00:07:05.760 --> 00:07:08.638
- Okay, okay, I'll go.
- That's a good boy.
93
00:07:08.840 --> 00:07:10.512
Get me some tampons too.
94
00:07:16.880 --> 00:07:18.836
Of course.
95
00:07:21.680 --> 00:07:25.878
Gee, Buck, no one loves you
when you're sick.
96
00:07:26.120 --> 00:07:28.429
Come give Mommy a kiss.
97
00:07:37.880 --> 00:07:41.770
Coming next fall, Psycho Mom.
98
00:07:43.560 --> 00:07:46.552
Who's that gal who needs no man
99
00:07:46.760 --> 00:07:49.752
Killed him dead with a frying pan
100
00:07:49.960 --> 00:07:52.872
Did it 'cause he missed the can
101
00:07:53.800 --> 00:07:56.390
Psycho MomPsycho Mom
102
00:07:56.600 --> 00:07:58.955
She's Psycho Mom
103
00:07:59.840 --> 00:08:03.230
- On Fox.
- Naturally.
104
00:08:05.240 --> 00:08:09.279
And your next quiz will be on
the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe.
105
00:08:09.480 --> 00:08:13.871
She may not be looking at me now,but she was too looking at me.
106
00:08:14.800 --> 00:08:15.479
I just know it.
107
00:08:15.680 --> 00:08:18.399
And why not?Lots of girls look at me.
108
00:08:19.720 --> 00:08:22.871
I know she's looking at me.
109
00:08:35.800 --> 00:08:37.711
Maybe everybody was right.
110
00:08:37.920 --> 00:08:40.354
Why would Miss McGowenlook at me?
111
00:08:40.560 --> 00:08:42.312
Who cares? She's 40.
112
00:08:42.520 --> 00:08:44.715
What would I wantwith a 40-year-old woman?
113
00:08:49.240 --> 00:08:51.196
I want that.
114
00:08:53.000 --> 00:08:55.673
I want that bad.
115
00:08:57.720 --> 00:08:59.676
Class dismissed.
116
00:09:02.400 --> 00:09:03.992
Except for you, Mr. Bundy.
117
00:09:04.800 --> 00:09:06.280
What could this be?
118
00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:09.550
I hope she didn't notice mestaring obsessively at her legs.
119
00:09:09.760 --> 00:09:14.993
Mr. Bundy, I've noticed you during
class staring obsessively at my legs.
120
00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:19.276
Well, at least she didn't catch melooking at other things.
121
00:09:19.480 --> 00:09:21.710
And other things.
122
00:09:22.920 --> 00:09:24.399
Gulp.
123
00:09:24.640 --> 00:09:29.714
Your behavior, Mr. Bundy,
has finally forced me to take action.
124
00:09:30.920 --> 00:09:34.370
I understand, Miss McGowen.
Do what you must.
125
00:09:57.960 --> 00:10:02.431
Aspirin. Honey, give me
an aspirin before I die.
126
00:10:03.480 --> 00:10:05.277
Why me?
127
00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:09.358
What about the old guy
who lives in your room?
128
00:10:10.360 --> 00:10:13.875
Well, if you mean Daddy,
he's at Chuck E. Cheese.
129
00:10:14.160 --> 00:10:16.993
He's been there
every night this week.
130
00:10:17.200 --> 00:10:19.156
Since he discovered
that the pizza's free...
131
00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:23.353
...if he just pretends to be with
whatever kid's having a birthday party.
132
00:10:25.480 --> 00:10:29.519
Well, I guess I have to start walking
a little bit prouder now, eh?
133
00:10:29.760 --> 00:10:32.877
- Give Mommy some aspirin, honey.
- Sure, Mommy.
134
00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:37.511
Hey, Bud, get Mom some aspirin.
Everyone else has a date.
135
00:10:39.120 --> 00:10:43.159
No, Kel, everyone has a date.
136
00:10:52.600 --> 00:10:55.592
Is it hot in here or is it just me?
137
00:10:58.160 --> 00:11:02.233
He's in a suit.
Is there a funeral at school today?
138
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:06.678
Yes, 'tis the death of Bud Bundy,
lonely boy...
139
00:11:06.880 --> 00:11:10.475
...and the birth of Stud Bundy,
only boy.
140
00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:15.670
I have a date.
141
00:11:15.880 --> 00:11:19.350
A date? Holy Hannah.
142
00:11:22.400 --> 00:11:25.919
Hello, Reverend Felcher?
Has hell frozen over?
143
00:11:27.520 --> 00:11:29.192
Well, something's up.
144
00:11:29.400 --> 00:11:32.631
My brother has a date. Yes, Bud.
145
00:11:34.520 --> 00:11:37.193
I know. I know church is
the place to be at times like this.
146
00:11:37.400 --> 00:11:38.799
I'm coming right over.
147
00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:42.913
Now, you're the building with
the big T on top, right?
148
00:11:48.160 --> 00:11:52.551
- Daddy, the sky is falling.
- It would. Just when I start eating.
149
00:11:53.520 --> 00:11:57.690
Peg, look at this.
Look what I won playing Skee-Ball.
150
00:11:57.280 --> 00:12:00.158
Actually, I was a couple tickets short
so I copped a few...
151
00:12:00.360 --> 00:12:03.352
...from a kid in a stroller
who was too young to tell on me.
152
00:12:03.600 --> 00:12:07.718
Yeah, he can point and cry,
but let's see that hold up in court.
153
00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:11.397
- Son, you gotta come with me.
- Sorry, Dad, I can't...
154
00:12:11.600 --> 00:12:14.353
...because I have two things
you don't have: A date...
155
00:12:14.560 --> 00:12:16.915
...and an ounce of pride.
156
00:12:21.760 --> 00:12:23.432
Son, if you had an ounce of pride...
157
00:12:23.640 --> 00:12:25.995
...you wouldn't lie to us
about having a date.
158
00:12:28.960 --> 00:12:31.793
That must be her now.
A half hour early, I might add.
159
00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:33.672
Well, who can blame her?
160
00:12:33.880 --> 00:12:36.758
Sometimes I can't wait
to touch myself either.
161
00:12:42.760 --> 00:12:45.274
Well, you know what I mean.
162
00:12:45.920 --> 00:12:48.309
I'm afraid we do.
163
00:12:54.000 --> 00:12:55.228
Darlene?
164
00:12:59.720 --> 00:13:04.669
I shall now leave you to your
tissue-and cheese-infested lives.
165
00:13:07.000 --> 00:13:10.276
Word is you've been dating
Miss McGowen.
166
00:13:10.480 --> 00:13:13.552
Yeah, well, I'd hate to deny her this.
167
00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:18.310
Well, what about me?
168
00:13:18.520 --> 00:13:20.556
I mean, I'd like to see you too.
169
00:13:20.800 --> 00:13:23.872
Why? I mean, sure.
170
00:13:24.800 --> 00:13:26.230
- Why?
- Well, I can't help but think...
171
00:13:26.440 --> 00:13:31.150
...you must be quite a lover
if an older woman wants you.
172
00:13:31.880 --> 00:13:35.634
Yeah, well, Miss McGowen...
Dotty and I.
173
00:13:35.840 --> 00:13:37.796
- we have this exclusive thing,
you know...
174
00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:40.309
..."Be true to your schoolmarm"
and all that.
175
00:13:47.520 --> 00:13:51.638
But then, I guess the old lady
can wait for half an hour.
176
00:13:59.720 --> 00:14:01.676
What are you doing?
177
00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:06.318
Little Andy Goldstein's
having a birthday.
178
00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:13.690
Box is empty, but by the time
he finds out, I'll be full and gone.
179
00:14:15.880 --> 00:14:20.556
- Don't you care at all that I'm sick?
- Well, of course I do, honey.
180
00:14:20.800 --> 00:14:23.712
How do you want me to prove it?
You want me to swim a river?
181
00:14:23.920 --> 00:14:27.549
- Climb a mountain? Slay a dragon?
- Bring me an aspirin.
182
00:14:27.800 --> 00:14:30.268
Can't do it, babe.
Gotta go to Chuck E. Cheese.
183
00:14:31.280 --> 00:14:33.770
And that's another thing, Al.
184
00:14:33.280 --> 00:14:36.716
I am tired of you coming to bed
smelling of extra cheese.
185
00:14:36.920 --> 00:14:39.309
I can't believe no one cares.
186
00:14:39.520 --> 00:14:41.351
And now with Bud going out
every night...
187
00:14:41.560 --> 00:14:43.949
...there's never anyone here
to take care of me.
188
00:14:44.200 --> 00:14:45.428
Oh, come on, Peg.
189
00:14:45.640 --> 00:14:48.154
Go on upstairs
and I'll bring you some juice.
190
00:14:49.560 --> 00:14:52.154
This time for real?
191
00:14:52.400 --> 00:14:53.992
Just as soon as you're in bed.
192
00:14:59.520 --> 00:15:02.796
- Well, I'm trusting you.
- You won't be disappointed.
193
00:15:08.120 --> 00:15:10.509
And if you are, I won't be here.
194
00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:16.959
Bud, listen, your mother says
she needs some juice...
195
00:15:17.160 --> 00:15:19.116
...or an aspirin
or something real bad.
196
00:15:19.320 --> 00:15:22.517
- Dad, I'm too tired.
- No pressure. Do it tomorrow.
197
00:15:26.280 --> 00:15:29.590
I'm going out again tomorrow.
In fact, I'm going out again tonight.
198
00:15:29.800 --> 00:15:31.438
- Dad, I need to talk to you.
- Son...
199
00:15:31.640 --> 00:15:34.438
...you know I got
the Goldstein affair tonight.
200
00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:36.918
It'll only take a minute.
201
00:15:37.160 --> 00:15:39.674
I've been seeing two women
at once. It's wearing me out.
202
00:15:39.880 --> 00:15:41.598
I don't know how to juggle
two women.
203
00:15:41.800 --> 00:15:43.392
Did you ever have this problem?
204
00:15:43.640 --> 00:15:46.359
You're talking to old number 33.
205
00:15:46.920 --> 00:15:48.956
You know how I got that number?
206
00:15:49.160 --> 00:15:52.436
Because the most money
you've ever had was 33 cents?
207
00:15:53.240 --> 00:15:56.915
No! Because that's how many
women deep the line was...
208
00:15:57.120 --> 00:15:59.873
...to ride the wild Bundy.
209
00:16:02.800 --> 00:16:04.791
Back in those days,
everybody wanted a piece.
210
00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:06.831
I had anyone to choose from.
211
00:16:12.960 --> 00:16:16.191
But we don't always choose
what's best for us.
212
00:16:17.640 --> 00:16:19.437
And this two-women-juggling thing:
213
00:16:19.640 --> 00:16:22.598
Eventually, the problem is
they both fall down on you.
214
00:16:22.800 --> 00:16:25.394
So save yourself some pain
and pick one.
215
00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:28.797
- What if I pick the wrong one?
- Oh, you will.
216
00:16:29.560 --> 00:16:32.791
No matter who you pick,
it'll be the wrong one.
217
00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:36.595
And not just because you're a Bundy,
because you're a man.
218
00:16:36.800 --> 00:16:39.792
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've gotta get to the party...
219
00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:42.514
...before fat Billy Applebaum
eats all my pizza.
220
00:16:44.920 --> 00:16:49.380
He comes to every one of those
damn parties. All us kids hate him.
221
00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:53.594
Dad, did I mention one of these women
was 40 and my teacher?
222
00:16:59.400 --> 00:17:01.516
No, you did not.
223
00:17:02.520 --> 00:17:03.794
I think she loves me, Dad.
224
00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:07.709
Son, I say this not to hurt,
but to educate.
225
00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:11.595
You see, son, I'm afraid
it may not be you she's after.
226
00:17:11.800 --> 00:17:15.918
I'm afraid she might be after
the vast Bundy fortune.
227
00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:18.836
She wants everything we have!
228
00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:23.150
Dad, I've seen the trunk of her car.
She's got everything we have.
229
00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:25.633
It's still not right.
230
00:17:25.840 --> 00:17:29.913
Son, you got plenty of time to date
40-year-old women when you're 70.
231
00:17:30.120 --> 00:17:33.749
No, wait, wait a minute.
Make that 35 when you're 80.
232
00:17:33.960 --> 00:17:36.679
Yeah, that feels more right to me.
233
00:17:36.920 --> 00:17:39.514
Yep, that's what I want when I'm old:
234
00:17:39.720 --> 00:17:43.872
A drool nurse with luscious honkers
wiping my chin...
235
00:17:44.800 --> 00:17:48.870
...shaking her heinie while she
washes my dentures in the sink.
236
00:17:50.800 --> 00:17:52.995
That's what keeps me going.
237
00:17:53.200 --> 00:17:56.397
That and the 12 pizzas
I've eaten in the last three days.
238
00:17:57.520 --> 00:18:01.308
Thanks, Dad. Once again,
you wow me with your wisdom.
239
00:18:01.520 --> 00:18:03.636
But I've decided
I'm keeping them both.
240
00:18:03.840 --> 00:18:06.350
For once, a Bundy's
gonna have it all.
241
00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:13.431
I guess he'll have to learn for himself
what a rock-solid relationship means.
242
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:16.672
Al, where's my orange juice?
243
00:18:16.920 --> 00:18:18.956
Florida, I reckon.
244
00:18:23.720 --> 00:18:28.191
Yup, two, two, two babes at once.
245
00:18:29.200 --> 00:18:31.475
God, I envy me.
246
00:18:31.720 --> 00:18:33.472
Hey, did you guys hear the news?
247
00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:36.240
Miss McGowen's dating a student.
248
00:18:36.760 --> 00:18:38.751
She ran off with a football player.
249
00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:43.317
Yeah, she said he was the only one
that could ever satisfy her.
250
00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:45.113
No big thing.
251
00:18:45.320 --> 00:18:48.869
That leaves me more timeto give to the young babe.
252
00:18:49.400 --> 00:18:53.154
Good news, babe.
Now you got me all to yourself.
253
00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:55.197
Drop dead.
254
00:18:55.400 --> 00:18:57.960
If you can't satisfy an older woman
like Miss McGowen...
255
00:18:58.160 --> 00:19:00.720
...what the hell
would I want with you?
256
00:19:02.560 --> 00:19:05.597
Well, let's just see how you feel
when the new teacher gets here.
257
00:19:05.800 --> 00:19:08.917
I haven't seen a temp yet
that didn't need a little loving.
258
00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:14.590
I'm Mrs. A. Mariner...
259
00:19:14.800 --> 00:19:17.917
...and I'll be the new teacher
for the rest of the semester.
260
00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:27.948
And then again, there's alwaysChuck E. Cheese with Dad.
261
00:19:28.560 --> 00:19:32.758
Well, the great thing about being atthe bottom is you can't fall any lower.
262
00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:36.148
You cradle-robber!
263
00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:40.556
You, you... Cher!
264
00:19:42.160 --> 00:19:44.594
Maybe it can get worse.
265
00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:47.832
Hey, look, it can.
266
00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:50.918
I just lost control of my bladder.
267
00:19:54.320 --> 00:19:57.596
I know what you want, "Miss Gabor."
268
00:19:57.800 --> 00:19:59.392
You see that house and that Dodge...
269
00:19:59.600 --> 00:20:02.340
...and say, "Some people live like this,
why can't I?"
270
00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:06.438
Well, you can't just take my son,
have your way sexually with him...
271
00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:09.393
...and not expect some repercussions
from a concerned parent.
272
00:20:09.600 --> 00:20:12.717
I played high school football.
I know the score.
273
00:20:15.600 --> 00:20:18.876
Son, are you really going out
with this prune-face?
274
00:20:21.800 --> 00:20:23.674
What strange hold do you have
over the boy?
275
00:20:23.880 --> 00:20:28.192
How many happy homes have
you broken in your thousand years?
276
00:20:32.120 --> 00:20:34.554
Sure, I know my boy
is almost a virgin.
277
00:20:37.600 --> 00:20:41.360
But you can no longer take advantage.
I have called the proper authorities.
278
00:20:41.280 --> 00:20:44.829
There she is.
The strumpet with the blue hair.
279
00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:48.000
I'll tell you something else.
She lied about her age.
280
00:20:48.200 --> 00:20:51.330
Last time she saw 40 was 1840.
281
00:20:59.600 --> 00:21:03.309
I'm sorry I had to do that, son,
but damn it, I love you!
282
00:21:07.120 --> 00:21:09.270
Oh, Bud, Mommy's out of tampons.
283
00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:20.515
Oh, yeah, that's what was missing.
284
00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:27.153
Now, right off, I don't know that man.
285
00:21:28.320 --> 00:21:31.392
You guys are probably thinking,
because he called me son...
286
00:21:31.600 --> 00:21:33.830
...that he was my Dad.
287
00:21:36.440 --> 00:21:40.319
Wait a second. Maybe this is a dream.Yeah, that's it.
288
00:21:40.520 --> 00:21:43.557
If this were really happening,I'd have to drop out of college.
289
00:21:43.760 --> 00:21:46.228
I'll wake up any second.
290
00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:48.791
Wake up, Bud.
291
00:21:49.000 --> 00:21:51.719
Oh, I mean, can't youhear me crying?
292
00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:53.876
Wake me up.
293
00:21:54.800 --> 00:21:56.719
I know. I'll prove it's a dream.
294
00:21:56.920 --> 00:21:59.309
I'll take down my pants...
295
00:22:00.440 --> 00:22:03.910
... and it'll be so embarrassing,I'll wake up.
296
00:22:12.520 --> 00:22:15.637
I'm even dreamingI ran out of underwear.
297
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:21.671
Oh, and son...
24638
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