Original subtitles

- Please put your hands together

for the guy you've been waiting for all night,

the amazing, the funny, the awesome,

my very good friend, Mr. Nick Chambers.

- Wow, thank you.

Thank you, man, oh.

You ever feel like you're born in the wrong time period?

I don't know, that's how I feel.

Like everyone's trying to do relationship things

on these apps and phones, things like that,

but I feel like you gotta do things face to face.

It could be difficult if one of those faces is this face.

I think I was born in the wrong time period.

I wish I was back in the 1920s and 1930s,

back when all the lead singers sounded like trombones.

♪ Oh baby let me talk to you

You know that voice?

- Hey come on, smoke out of the window,

you're gonna ash on your dress.

- I'm not gonna ash on my dress.

- Yes you are, and I paid a lot of money for it,

so don't mess it up.

- Actually your mother paid for this dress.

- Same difference.

- What are you 12?

- Ugh, thank god.

Kyle, I love you, but you have too much family.

- Preach.

- Hey Ali.

- Hi.

- Your mother's trying to redecorate our bedroom.

- Yeah, she does that.

- Oh, did my mom try to Feng Shui the furniture?

- I don't know.

I left after they were trying to determine

whether the bed was facing due north.

Does one of you have gum?

- Yeah.

- How much longer do we have to be here?

- Uh well, considering it is your party and your house,

I would say a while.

- Ugh, god.

- Here, man.

- I just wanna go get tacos.

- Right?

- Jesus you two are lightweights.

- That sounds amazing right now.

- Could we do that? - I mean--

- Could we bail?

- You just hop in the car and--

- Listen, let's, let's ignite this sedan, and just.

Trailblaze.

- I'm firing this thing up right now.

- Oh hi. - Hi.

- You're Kyle's cousin.

- Uh yeah, I'm one of many.

I'm Ali.

- You're the matron of honor?

- Oh no, no, I'm just your standard bridesmaid,

but the matron is Jill,

the rather surly looking woman in the corner

with the two and a half children.

- I, I heard you're quite a comedian.

- That's what the fortune cookies keep telling me, so.

- Well, right, well, it's nice talking with you.

- Mm-hm, yeah.

Okay.

- Oh shit.

Here comes trouble.

- Hi, Danny.

- Look at you, all fancy.

- Oh, you like?

- What's the occasion?

- Wedding, pre-wedding.

- Pre-wedding.

- Yeah, it's the party before the party.

That's who they do it.

- Is that right?

How'd you know I'd be here?

- Where else would you be?

- You're calling me predictable?

- Never.

- Well, you went looking for me and you found me, so.

- Who said I was looking for you?

- Oh, she's cold.

She's cold.

- Hi, can I help you?

- Yeah, is this Writing for Comedy?

- Are you Alma?

- Ali, yeah.

- Then this is Writing for Comedy, come on in.

All right, now that everyone is here, welcome.

Here is the syllabus for the next few weeks.

Please take one, pass it down.

As Ali here has just established,

this is Writing for Comedy, an eight-week course

designed to give you all professional careers

in comedic writing.

- Really?

- No.

You're here because you need to learn how to write,

and being good at it comes much later.

Okay, let's look at page two of the syllabus.

And let's look at week eight.

A stand-up performance.

- Oh my god, you look so good.

Oh, if you look better than me,

I'm gonna be so pissed.

- Okay, nobody's gonna look better than you, all right?

And even if they do, just throw some bridezilla shit.

Throw 'em in the lake.

- What lake?

- Isn't there always a lake at these things?

You know, something for the swans or the doves,

or something with peace birds.

- Have you ever actually been to a wedding?

- Is everyone happy here?

- Yeah, fits like a glove.

- Great, we also offer steam and press package,

so it's guaranteed to be perfect on the day.

- Oh yes, totally, I'll go for that.

- Hey, I'm paying for my dress.

- Hey, this I just a bonus, let me do this for you.

- Could you excuse us for one minute?

- Sure.

- Please, um, okay, so.

So you know I love Kyle, you know,

he's like, he's more like a brother than a cousin to me.

You know, like most of our bloodline,

he's been dumber than a bag of hammers for most of his life,

which has been so much better since he met you,

and I'm thankful, and I'm talking about me

and most of the Massachusetts State Police Department here,

but you know, you've already spent like,

all of your savings,

plus having to deal with his crazy parents,

and my psycho ass mother, and um, you know,

all 42 of our cousins,

so just shut up about the dress and let me pay for it, okay?

- Yeah, bring it in for the real thing.

Come on, yeah.

- We're hugging in a bridal shop.

- Yes, we are.

And I really hope I don't have to throw you in the lake.

- Next time Big Jim destroys the mens room,

these waders are going to you.

- Okay, well I'm not the one

who gave him the endless sub supreme.

- Mm.

- Hey can I ask a favor?

- Shoot.

- I need an advance.

- How much?

- Two week?

- Ah, I can't do it.

- You just gave Brendan an advance like last week.

- Yeah, his wife just had a baby.

- Okay, so I need to knock out a kid to get a float.

- No, but maybe if you started doing your own routines

like you keep telling me you want to,

then I could pay you more.

- That's harsh.

- Mm, you're okay though?

You're not in trouble.

- No, no it's just there's like extra costs

with the wedding, and I'm taking this writing class.

- What is it, a punch up sorta thing?

- No, no, it's like a little more basic than that.

- Nice.

- So you gonna give me the money?

- No.

- You're lame.

- Look Al, if I had more work, I'd give it to you.

If I had more money, I'd give it to you.

But I don't, and there is none,

so either start doing your own sets,

or get a second job.

- Start doing your own routines or get a second job.

You can't even handle my routines, fool.

- I heard a rumor that we're gonna see you up there tonight.

- Mm-hm, oh really?

- Oh yeah.

Super credible source, never one to lie.

- Mm-hm.

- You pissed at me or something?

- I'm working.

- Matt's right, you know.

If you start doing your own sets

instead of checking everyone in,

you could make some more money.

- Okay Brendan, let's just forget for a second

that I didn't really need Matt telling everyone

that I'm strapped for cash,

but I don't even really wanna do stand up anymore.

You know?

I'm over it.

- Is that why you're taking writing classes?

- Okay, quit it.

- Listen, if you're that hard up for money,

my neighbor needs help moving.

- I was thinking something a little more long term.

- No, no, no, you don't understand.

She's got a bad knee, and she has to use a cane.

So she needs someone to help pack up all her stuff

before she can get someone in to sell the place.

- Well that sounds charming, but I'm not a mover, so.

- Fine.

Suit yourself.

- You know that?

- I think I'm funny. - I, I think--

- Gotta love the Wednesday night

fuck face special.

You want to?

- No.

- You suck.

- Yeah, I suck, that's great.

- You suck.

- I suck. - Go make me a sandwich.

- Sir, you have to leave right now.

- No really, I paid four dollars, I'm not leaving.

- That's an awful lot of comedy

brought to you by this gentleman.

Thank you, good night.

Have a nice night.

- Okay, beautiful, wow, that was intelligent.

- Hey girl.

- Hey, what's up.

- Not much.

Maggie and I are about to hit up this warehouse party

at Southbridge.

- Southbridge, shit, that's far.

- Oh, we can pick you up if you wanna come with.

Are you home?

- Ali!

- Stop it.

- Oh good, you're up.

- Why?

Get off of me!

- Somebody went partying.

- Yeah well, the night was still young.

- I thought you said you were going home after work.

- Well, I changed my mind.

What do you want?

- Help me write my vows.

- Dude, they're your vows, why don't you write them?

- I'm not a writer.

- Okay well, I'm not a vow writer.

- Now you're not that bad, Ali.

Come on, I'll buy you brunch.

Come on, come on, come on.

- Fine, leave me alone!

- That's the spirit.

Ooh, you might wanna get something

to cover up that hangover, like a,

like a burqa or something.

Chip chop, chip chop!

Amy.

I find I'm so excited that I can barely hold still

or hold a thought in my head.

I think it's the excitement

only a soon-to-be-married man can feel.

A man at the start of a long journey

whose conclusion is uncertain.

I hope I can make it across the border.

I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.

I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my.

Are you quoting The Shawshank Redemption?

- I believe in two things, discipline and the Bible.

- What am I gonna write?

- You know, that is a beloved film.

- I'm not quoting the Shawshank Redemption

in my own wedding.

- Well what do you wanna write?

- I don't know.

You know, I thought this would be the easy part.

- I don't think there is an easy part.

- I just, I want to find a way to say

like you know, she's my one.

She like my other hippo.

- Your other hippo.

- Yeah, 'cause you know, they like, they mate for life.

- No Kyle, that's penguins.

- Whatever.

It's just like, I used to be kind of a dumbass--

- You used to be kind of a dumbass.

- Shut up.

Amy makes me better, you know?

She sees the kind of person I could be

and she makes me want to be that.

She believes in me, she knows me,

she won't let me give up on myself,

she pushes me to be better.

I still feel like I can be myself around her.

Like, like it doesn't come from this place of judgment

it comes from a place of love.

I never had that with anybody else.

- Dude, write that down.

- That's just me talking.

- Yeah, but that's what's good.

People don't wanna hear you say

I promise to love you and treasure you forever.

They wanna hear something real.

The best shit always comes out

when you're not thinkin' about it.

- See, you are a writer.

- Ugh, god I feel like ass.

- That's my Ali, class all the way.

Ooh, I gotta go pick up my tux.

You wanna come with?

- Mm no, I think I've had enough excitement for one day.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

- 52.50.

- Seriously?

- Yeah, seriously.

Sign here.

- Shit.

Hey Brendan.

Hi, this is 30?

- You're Brendan's girl?

- Yeah, I guess.

- What's in that bag?

- Oh, it's records.

- What, like vinyl?

- Yeah, I just bought them.

- Why did you bring me records?

- No, I, sorry, I didn't.

They're for me, I just bought them.

- I see.

- Can I come in now?

- I guess.

I've taken the liberty of assembling some boxes for you.

- Wow, you have a lot of stuff.

- If it's gonna be too much for you,

I can get someone else.

- No, no, it's fine, I can do it.

- So you'll start in here.

This is my sitting room.

Probably take you a couple of days.

- Um, is there any particular order you want me to follow?

- Are you one of those people

that needs everything spelled out for them?

- No.

- Good.

I don't recall paying you to read.

- Sorry.

You wrote this?

- That's my picture on the back, isn't it?

I think that's enough for today.

I'm tired.

I'd like you to start a little earlier tomorrow.

- Yeah, I get out of class at one.

- Okay, that's fine.

What are you studying?

- Comedy.

How to write comedy.

- They can teach a person to be funny?

- They can try.

- So they do.

- Would you mind if I borrow the book?

- As long as you read it on your own time.

You can burn it for all I care.

- All right, each of you has homework for this week.

Things to do, write it down please.

I want you to write 10 jokes a day, new ones.

New ones, they don't have to be great,

they just have to be 10 jokes a day.

It's a good habit to get into.

YouTube your favorite comedian.

Find out what works, what doesn't work, take notes.

Five responses to the phrase, he's so old, dot dot dot,

what are you gonna put for that?

Try to be original with those, please.

And finally, I want you to go to a comedy show.

Any show, it doesn't matter.

Watch, listen, observe, learn.

And please bring me your ticket stub

or else I'll know you're lying,

and that will undermine

our already very fragile relationship.

Okay, that's it for today.

I have your sketches from last week,

so come pick 'em up on your way out, thanks.

Good.

I don't know.

Not bad, not bad.

You guys are gettin' better.

Gettin' better, okay.

- Sorry.

- Something on your mind, Ali?

- You went a little pen happy on my sketch.

- That's my job.

- It's a good sketch.

But you don't think it is.

- Do you want my honest opinion?

- Well it looks like I got a paragraph of 'em,

so what's one more?

- It's very flat.

- Flat.

- Yeah, look.

The set up's good, the characters are good,

you've got good delivery--

- But?

- You're being lazy.

- Sorry I asked.

- Ali, I've read your writing samples.

I know you can do better, so go do it.

- Your sitting room's done.

- Is it?

- You wanna check?

- Not really, no.

You can start on the upstairs bedroom, to the right.

Top of the stairs.

- I like your book.

- Did you finish it?

- Uh, not yet.

- I'd reserve judgment until the end, then.

You can go.

- Shit.

Joshua, the man, the myth, the legend.

I was wondering what you are doing right now

because I was just celebrating my cousin's wedding,

and I think that we should hang out,

so I should come over.

No, okay.

Yeah, yeah some other time.

Okay, bye.

Hey Asha, it's Ali.

I'm fuckin', I'm out and about.

Uh so, you know, give me a call.

I wanna hear about that Southbridge party,

so um.

Yeah, you know, call me.

Bye.

John, my favorite, hi.

So I think.

I think that you should let me come over, okay?

Yeah?

Okay.

Okay, I'll see you soon, bye.

Just a second.

- Lost earring?

- Lost speech, hey, have you seen a piece of paper.

- Did you write it?

- Excuse me?

- Did you write the speech that you're lookin' for.

- Yeah.

- Oh, well then you already know it.

- Okay, thanks guy at bar I don't know

for your sage wisdom, but I need to find this thing.

- It's stuck to your shoe.

- What?

How long were you gonna let me keep looking for that?

- Only until it stopped being amusing.

- Asshole.

- So after about three hours being duct taped

in the back of this trunk, it opens up,

and there's Kyle with that big goofy grin of his,

just smiling, being like hey, hope you like Celine Dion

because we're in Canada.

So Amy, thank you so much for domesticating him, really.

That's enough from me.

I'm gonna hand it over now Kyle's cousin Ali,

who, if you don't know her already,

you're gonna love her, so.

Ali, everybody.

- Hi.

Hi, I'm Ali.

As many of you know, Kyle is my cousin.

But he's also my best friend,

and okay, so real quick.

Um, so growing up, when I was a little kid,

I was terrified of spiders,

and I don't know, I was like deathly afraid of them,

and I think I watch Arachnophobia too many times

when I was like five, but anyway,

I was just convinced that they would come out of the walls

and attack me when I was asleep,

so Kyle used to sleep over all the time,

and one day, we had this big party,

and all the neighborhood kids were there,

and somehow, one of them found out

I was afraid of these spiders

and decided to go digging around in the back yard

and fine one and throw it on me,

so I was like crying and crying, and Kyle found out,

and then he went and found the kid who did it

and smacked him in the face with a jug of Kool-Aid,

so anyway, it was this whole thing,

and later that night,

after both of our parents were done tearin' him a new one,

Kyle slept over and he checked the entire basement

for spiders, and he said Ali,

you're afraid of spiders right now,

but you won't always be,

and right now it's okay to be afraid of something,

so when he met Amy, I was like, she better be awesome,

because Kyle's been keeping away the spiders

all these years, and whoever he ends up with

has to be equally as cool, so it turns out, actually,

that Kyle is afraid of heights,

roller coasters to be specific,

and sorry Kyle, I'm kind of gonna out you, here.

But um, so there was this like big company picnic,

and I just tagged along, and that's how I met Amy,

and I was like okay, things are gettin' kind of serious,

I better size her up.

So um, so everyone wanted to go on this huge death drop

megaton roller coaster,

and Kyle looked like he was gonna throw up,

so all of his co-workers were making fun of him

and everything and that's when Amy jumped in,

and she said she felt sick,

and that she needed to sit down,

and someone went and got her some water,

and Kyle sat with her, while everyone else went on the ride,

and that's when I realized that she did for him

what he had done for me because she knew he was scared

and she knew it was okay,

and she didn't want him to feel alone,

so um, Kyle and Amy, um.

To whatever crazy shit life may throw at you,

I know you guys will be there to lie for one another

or smack somebody with a jug of Kool-Aid, I love you.

Ah!

- Jesus.

- God, what are you doing?

- What are you doing?

- God, I feel like I'm dying.

- I think you're having a panic attack.

- A what?

- Um.

Can you sit down?

- No, no, I don't wanna sit down.

- Here, hold this.

- It's ice.

- It's gonna help.

- Are you a doctor?

- Just hold the ice, here.

Better?

- Yeah.

- Here.

- You're the guy.

You're the guy with my shoe.

- That's what they call me, the guy with the shoe.

- Are you a guest?

- No.

- A florist?

- I was filling in for a friend,

I was playing the wedding upstairs.

- Ah, so you're in a wedding band.

- Part time.

You feelin' better?

- I feel like I need a drink the size of my arm.

- Uh-huh.

- Do I look like a Monet?

- Yeah, but most people like Monet.

- You're weird.

- You're the one giving speeches about spiders.

- Oh, you were watching me.

- Yeah, well I had to see how it ended.

Hey, how about we get you that drink?

- Yeah, well if you're buying, I'm not saying no.

- So what do you do?

- Why do you care?

- Are you always this hostile?

- Well, I'm a comedian, so we're born hostile.

- That explains your speech then.

You can tell you're a performer.

- Do you enjoy dissecting people you just met?

- Part time surgeon, part time musician.

- Sounds messy.

- So how much longer is your wedding?

- Do you have somewhere to be?

- Venues just feel like work.

- Wait here.

- Ali!

Hi babe.

- Oh.

- Ali baby, I promise, I'll always check for spiders.

- I know.

Hey, I think I'm gonna get outta here.

- Hey come on, you know, things are winding down.

We can just relax.

- No, I think I'm just tired.

But hey, I'll see you tomorrow.

- You suck.

- Ah, I love you.

- You suck.

What is this?

- Hey.

Hey.

I've been here before.

Come on.

I think I've definitely been here before.

Are you somebody's dad?

- No.

What made you think of that?

- I don't know.

You're like kind of dad-like.

You got like a dad vibe going on.

- Is that your way of saying I look old?

- Older.

- Hm.

Are you someone's mom?

- That's funny.

I had a dad once.

He was a funny man.

- He a comedian?

- Mm-hm, he's a local legend.

- Like father, like daughter.

- Yeah.

I'm probably gonna make it past 36.

I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm talking about this.

- Do you wanna get outta here?

- Yeah.

Um, I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

I'm sorry, too.

- What?

- So you blew off the rest of our wedding

to stand in the dark being held by some guy?

- It was actually kind of nice.

And you know, I didn't blow you guys off or anything.

- But nothing else happened?

- Nope.

We just stood there for a while,

and then he made up a bed on the couch,

and I fell asleep on him.

- Who is this guy?

- Are you gonna see him again?

- I don't know, I don't know, maybe.

- I don't like it.

This has bad ending written all over it.

- Thank you for that vote of confidence, Kyle.

- Anytime.

- I think it's super sweet.

- Ali!

Ali!

Can you come down here, please?

- How the fuck did she know?

- Yes?

- Go into the desk in the hallway and get me a pen.

- You called me down here for a pen?

- I seem to have run out of ink.

- Well why can't you get it yourself?

Right.

- My, my, what an attitude we have today.

- What's your deal?

- My deal?

- Yeah.

Why are you moving, where are you going,

were you living with someone?

- How is any of that your business?

- And what's with the sandwich?

- Oh, so now my lunch offends you?

- You never eat it.

Every time I see you in here,

you have an uneaten sandwich.

What, just what is that?

- Is there a specific reason

why you're behaving like this,

or is this some kind of a nervous breakdown?

- Lady, you've done nothing but say nasty shit to me

since I walked in this house, and I deal with it

because I need the job, and you deal with it

because it would be to inconvenient

to hire someone else and start all over,

and you don't strike me

as someone who deals well with inconvenience,

so enlighten me, what's with the sandwich?

- Did you finish my book yet?

- Oh god.

- My husband used to have a sandwich for lunch every day.

- So is he--

- Dead?

Oh no, very much alive.

I'm not a fan of new routines.

Have your teachers made you funny, yet?

- I'm working on it.

- Well, I'm looking forward to the progress.

- I'm just gonna keep on coming back to that show.

Even if I don't have to bring my stubs to class,

I'm going to see that show every week.

- Well they have different people there--

- I thought it was once a month, or once a week--

- Yeah, the company rotates.

- Oh-- - The company rotates

so it has improvisors once a month,

it's very confusing.

- Some of those guys, I think, do stand up too.

- Do they?

- I think so.

There is, like other than the video we saw before we went,

I can't find.

I'll look for like individual things.

- All right, you all had an assignment last week

to go see a comedy show,

and I asked you to bring in your tickets,

so please bring up your tickets, tickets please.

Tickets, please.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Thank you.

All right, thanks.

Ali?

- Yes?

- Do you have your ticket?

- Um, no.

I lost it.

- You lost it.

Well, what did you see?

- I saw the Bomb Show.

- The Bomb Show, right.

How was it?

- It was explosive.

- Glad to hear it.

And when you find your ticket, you can come back.

And tell us all about it.

- Are you kidding me?

- If I was kidding, you would know.

- Hi.

Is this a good time?

To your rehearsal.

Oh okay, where should I go?

- See you guys.

Oh-ho-ho, my audience of one.

- You know, I had assumed you played the guitar.

- Yeah well, assumption is a trap.

I also do play guitar.

- I knew it.

Why did you move to Boston?

- I like the winters.

- Nobody likes the winters.

Even the Eskimos are lying.

- Spot opened up to play, and I needed a change of scenery.

- Boring.

- Sorry to disappoint you.

- I'll find a way to go on.

- So tell me your jokes.

- My jokes?

- Yeah, your act or whatever you like to call it.

- Ooh, no.

Cardinal sin, dude.

It's like.

You can't ask that,

it'd be like me asking you to play right now.

- I got no problem with that.

- Fine, bad example.

- See?

Now I'm a proper audience.

- Okay, well it doesn't.

I can't just do it, it doesn't work like that.

- Well how does it work?

- Why are you so on me about this?

- Why are you so defensive?

- Okay.

- Aw come on, you're that easily upset?

- I'm not upset.

- Have you ever done it?

- Done what?

- Stood up on stage and perform?

- No.

- Stay there.

See, now you're not alone.

- Very funny.

- What are you afraid of?

- I'm not afraid of anything.

- Now who's lying?

You look miles away.

Can I ask you something?

If going up on stage is so hard for you,

why do you wanna do it?

- I don't think I know anything else.

- 'Cause of your dad or something?

- My mom says I look like him.

It's the eyes.

We have the same eyes.

- Was she a comedian?

- No.

No, my mom was a cocktail waitress.

Guess how they met?

- That old chestnut.

- And how.

What are you parents like?

- What were my parents like?

My father was also a musician, trumpet.

He taught, he wrote.

I think a little part of him was tortured.

And my mom left when I was six,

so I never really got to know her.

- She left?

- Mm-hm.

She said she was gonna do some shopping,

and she never came back.

- Where'd she go?

- I don't know.

I spent a long, long time looking for her,

and trying to figure out why she left.

I needed an answer, but over time,

I found out that sometimes no answer is an answer.

- I fucking hate that.

No answer is just selfish.

- So is Ali a nickname?

Can I get the full version?

- Alma.

- You don't usually get Ali from Alma.

- You don't usually get an Alma.

- I like it, it's pretty, it suits you.

- Maybe I don't wanna be pretty.

You had a lot of adventures.

- Pardon?

- I saw your photo albums.

- That was nosy of you.

- You seemed really happy in the photos.

- Yes, I did.

- Saying you weren't really happy?

- You were looking at the photos, what do you think?

- I think you were.

You just don't want to admit it to yourself.

- Oh?

- Mm-hm.

- I was happy in many of those photos.

But often, I was lonely and sad in them, too.

I like to think I had a good picture-taking face.

I was good at taking pictures.

Why do you wanna be funny?

- I can't help what I am.

- What you are is cocky.

- My dad.

My dad was a comedian.

- Was?

- Dead.

- Ooh, sorry.

- It's a long time ago.

- And you take after him?

- I guess.

- Not your mother.

- No, not at all.

- You don't like her.

- I can't relate to her.

She doesn't make any sense to me.

It's like we're two different animals.

- That must've been difficult

growing up with a mother you don't understand.

- Well I didn't say I don't understand her.

- You didn't have to.

Never underestimate the power mothers have

over their children's lives.

- My mother really had much power, so I think I'm good.

- Hm, maybe that's it, then.

Maybe that's what scares you.

- You think I'm scared of becoming my mother?

- No, I think you're scared because you know you won't.

You're gonna be a woman who was nothing like her mother,

and that just means that everything about adulthood

is an unknown.

You didn't see an example of it

that looked or felt like you,

and that means you're doing everything yourself, first hand.

You're re-learning what it means to be female

because you couldn't be like the person presented to you.

You want to be like your father,

but you can't be your father because you're not a man.

That's what scares you.

- It's bullshit.

You know, I'm just taking my check.

- Oh, so it's okay to dig into my life,

but you know, we touch on yours, and someone gets mad.

- Sorry I asked.

- What's good, mama?

- If I hear this act one more time,

I'm gonna blow my brains out, so that's.

- I've got a surprise for you.

- I'm not in the mood.

- Trust me, you're gonna wanna see this.

- What am I looking at?

- That's Joan's ex-husband.

- What, where?

- And that lady is their neighbor.

- No shit.

- Insane, right?

Left her for the lady across the street.

- They live across the street?

- Nah, they moved to some new house in Concord or something,

but it's rough.

They were married for like 35 years or something.

And one day he just dipped.

Where are you going?

Hmm, well she's smart, I'll give her that.

- I think you're obsessed.

- I'm not obsessed.

- You read her entire back catalog.

- Well I just.

I just want to know what happened to her.

I wanna know why she's so angry.

- You're angry.

- It's a different kind of angry.

- Hm.

- She's so set in her ways, she's just.

She's not justified,

she's already done all the things in her life

she wants to do.

- She's got some years on you.

- Yeah.

You know what else I saw today?

- What?

- There's an open mic night at the school,

it's like a student thing.

- Oh, daring to be bold.

- Possibly.

- And when is this possible open mic?

- Possibly next Thursday.

- And what if I were to possibly show up at this thing,

would you find that to be supportive?

- Possibly.

- Ah shit, I have a wedding.

- On a Thursday?

- Yeah, I don't book 'em, I just play them.

- It's okay, I wasn't gonna do it anyway.

It's just a dumb student thing.

- No, but it's your dumb student thing.

- Thanks a bunch.

- No, you know what I mean.

I'll find a way to be there.

- Come on, you gotta get up there,

you gotta show 'em you got some moxie.

- Moxie.

Easy there, coach.

- Yeah, well if you don't do it,

I'm gonna give you shit about it until you're dead.

- Oh you're so loving.

- Mm-hm. - You're so kind, aw.

- I'm a pusher man.

- Top five, go.

- Pryor, Hicks, Carlin, Dangerfield, Lewis.

- Fuck, Lewis, I should've had him in mine.

- All right, I'll give you Dangerfield and Pryor,

but you're missing Eddie Murphy, man.

- No wait, we're doing pre-'86, right?

- Eddie Murphy was pre-'86.

- No. - Yes.

His first album, uh, Delirious.

- Delirious, yeah, yeah.

- Eddie Murphy, 1983, read and weep.

- Okay, I'm changing mine now.

If we're doing pre-'86, Adrian Herring.

- Love him.

- Who?

- Adrian Herring.

Seriously how do you not know?

That guy was like the comedy king of Boston.

- That dude was the man.

- RIP.

- Didn't he die in a car accident or something?

- I'm lookin' it up.

- No, I remember him now.

He had cancer.

- Heroin.

- That's right, it was a heroin overdose.

This guy was a secret smack addict for years.

- What an idiot.

- Hey, have some respect.

- Why, that guy had everything, he was huge,

and he threw it all away.

- You let them talk that way about your papa?

- She speaks?

- Wait, whose papa?

- Holy shit.

- What?

- Dude, it's the eyes.

It's the fucking eyes.

- Will someone tell me what is going on?

- That's his daughter, stupid.

- It's the voice.

You got the same voice as him.

- Why didn't you tell us you were royalty?

- I'm not.

- The fuck you aren't.

My dad sells tires, all right?

I work at a 7-Eleven.

You're the daughter of a comedy legend.

What are you doing in this class,

this shit's in your blood man.

- What are you doing in this class.

- You say one more word to me,

and I'm gonna kick your teeth down your throat.

- My children, my children,

I hope you're all hungry for the verse.

- Ali, leaving so soon?

- Come on, Ali, don't go.

- Ali, I'll talk about my dad, too.

He's weird as shit.

- Mine, too.

We all have weird dads,

that's like a prerequisite for this class.

Own your weird dad shit.

- You can all go fuck yourselves.

- You look different today.

- The bedroom's finished.

What do you want me to do next?

- You can do this room.

- There's hardly anything in here.

- Well you can start with these and put them in the box.

Who made you cry?

- No one.

- So I take it they haven't made you funny, yet.

Pity, I was looking forward to hearing a joke.

- Well I don't have any jokes, okay?

I don't have anything to say, I've got nothing.

I just wanna sit here and not think

and then get out of here.

- Then where are you gonna go?

- I don't know.

Out.

- That gonna make you feel better?

- Will you stop doing that?

Stop examining me.

I'm not one of the people in your book, okay?

You just can't study me.

- Of course I can.

I've studied everyone, you're not different.

- Oh, so you're gonna teach me about life or something?

Is that it?

Are you the alchemist?

- Finish the book.

- Finish the book, yeah, yeah, I know.

You're making me like it less and less, you know.

I read your articles, you know?

You're very smart,

you don't need to keep shoving it down my throat.

I don't think I need to finish your one and only book

to get what you're about.

- Finish this room and then you can go home for the day.

- What the fuck?

- Oh good, you finished it.

- Yeah, lady.

Lady, I thought you were just standard crazy,

but now I realize that you are the deluxe version.

What is this?

I see now for the first time

that solely looking through the others

has left me blind to my own heart.

I have shut myself up living inside the minds of those

I've spent so long trying to understand

that I've begun to feel disconnected from my own life.

I imagine this is what Dorothy felt like

realizing everything she wanted was in her own backyard.

If only she'd looked around to see it.

It was always there waiting, looking back.

So that's it.

You spent seven years and like 500 pages to figure out

that studying other people taught you nothing.

- So you liked it?

- Did you just take your meds?

- Sit down.

Oh, sit down.

When I was your age.

- Oh Jesus.

- Do you want an explanation or not?

- Yeah.

- When I was your age, I had a dream, a fantasy.

I dreamed of being a scientist.

I dreamed of traveling the world

and immersing myself in other people, in other cultures.

I would watch them, and I would learn about them,

and I would understand them.

People, all of the people.

I would figure out what made them tick.

I saw a beautiful, interesting, fascinating life before me.

And then, I got to the end of my research,

and I realized that I felt like a fraud.

I had been preaching about connection and vulnerability

but I didn't have those things in my life.

I had avoided being present in my own life,

in my own experiences, controlling and predicting,

that was my world.

And so I made the decision to try to change

to try to follow what I had witnessed to be true.

Vulnerability is crucial.

And I did change for a while.

But then little by little,

I fell back into old habits, old ways of doing things.

More comfortable, familiar.

And in the end, I cheated myself out of real love.

Being present in one's life,

being seen in one's life,

that makes us vulnerable, and it's terrifying,

but you've got to do it.

Otherwise you end up alone.

- So you just, you wrote a whole book

just to tell people not to bother with each other.

- I wrote the book because I wanted to teach people

about connection, but the truth is,

you cannot lose yourself in other people

without ultimately coming up empty,

feeling like you're not really there.

You're living life at arm's length,

and the stories you wanna tell, they don't feel real

because you're not living in the essence of them.

You should know that, you're a storyteller.

- Yeah, but I don't live my life

by observing other people.

- Isn't general observation the basis of most comedy?

- Yeah.

- So.

Did you ever stop to think

that maybe you and I do the same thing?

- No, I don't.

- Okay, let me ask you this, then.

Why did you wanna read this book in the first place?

And more importantly, why are you so angry

at the way it ends?

- I'm not doing this.

- That's a good idea.

Go and sleep on it.

- Are you looking for Sean?

- Yeah.

- I just saw him leave with his sister.

- His sister.

- Uh, but it's been really hard.

- Well, I'm here for you.

I really am.

- Really?

Promise?

- Yes.

Hey, sorry.

- Where were you?

- I had a wedding.

- All day?

- Yeah, I don't know, I just.

- You're up next.

- Shit. - Come on, come on.

You'll be fine.

- Okay.

- Give it up for Andy Holiday.

Up next we have Ali.

Take it away, Ali.

- I'm sorry.

- Hey.

- Why did you make me do that?

I wasn't ready, you knew I wasn't ready.

- I didn't make you do anything,

and I'm glad you went up there,

even if it was just for a second.

- You don't even know what you're talking about.

Everybody says it's in my blood.

- What?

- Everybody says it's in my blood.

But you know what else is in my blood?

Fucking crazy is in my blood.

You know, it's just like I'm a fucking ticking time bomb.

Everybody sees it when they look at me,

it's like it's in my veins, and they just know it.

I used to watch him do this shit all the time.

I would sit in the back of those clubs,

and I would watch him, night after night, just exhausted.

And tormented and sick.

Sick of his own act.

To the point where he hated it, and everyone and everything.

And the second I open my mouth on that stage,

I can't take it back.

'Cause they'll cut me down the same way they cut him down,

and then I'll go crazy,

and I'll lock myself in the bathroom,

and I'll shoot myself up and I'll die.

And everybody will talk about how fuckin' funny I was

and what a hero I was and I was the best

and then they'll forget about me.

Same way they forgot about my dad.

- I don't understand why you're determined

to assign yourself the same fate.

- Was that really your sister?

- What?

- Who you had lunch with, was that your sister?

- You followin' me around now?

- Just answer the question, Sean.

- Of course she's my sister.

- What's her name?

- Emily.

- How come I don't know her.

And why is there still nothing in your fucking apartment?

I mean, is this just a temporary thing?

Are you leaving soon?

- You know what, you do sound crazy.

- Oh, thank you for your honestly.

- She's in rehab.

My sister's in rehab.

But given your sensitivity on this subject of addiction,

I didn't think it was a good time to tell you,

and honestly, I wasn't ready to tell you.

And there's nothing in my apartment

because it was her apartment that I moved into

shortly before her life fell apart.

And I had to help her sell all her stuff,

so that she could pay for her treatment,

and I know it's shocking for you

that someone could have some pain in their life

other than you, but that's what it is.

Why are you so desperate to find a reason not to trust me?

- 'Cause I don't fucking know you.

You've been her for what, six weeks?

I'm just, you can't fix me, okay?

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry about your sister, I am,

but you can't help me, too.

You know, I just don't,

I don't think that this is such a good idea.

- Yeah, well I don't like yelling in parking lots either.

- No, this, us.

I don't that this, I don't think that this is a good idea.

- Do you really mean that?

I'm sorry about your father

and I don't pretend to know what that's like,

but it really doesn't give you license

to treat the people who care about you

like they don't matter.

- I'm sorry you feel that way.

- I hope you get over this fear you have of being seen.

And I hope you get up there and you give it your best shot,

and I hope you're incredibly successful,

and you get everything that you want.

And I hope that when you get it, it's enough.

Because when you do, you're gonna be alone.

It was nice knowing you, Alma.

- Hello?

Joan?

Hello?

Hello, Joan?

Joan!

Hey.

- I've been trying to call you.

- Where's all your stuff?

- My daughter's place is ready.

I really don't wanna hang around here

any longer than I have to.

- Your daughter?

- Yeah, she lives in Florida,

and I'm going to go live with her.

- Florida?

But no, no, no you can't move to Florida.

No nothing about you is Floridian.

- I'll learn to enjoy pastels.

- But see, you just hired someone else

to come take all your stuff away.

- I left messages saying I needed to leave sooner.

- No, no you know I wasn't.

I wasn't done yet, I just needed a little more time,

and I would have finished,

but you just decided that I'm done.

That's really fucked up, you know?

I really needed this, and you just,

you can't just throw away a person like that.

- I can give you the rest of the money.

- I don't want it, keep it!

I wasn't ready.

- Okay, okay.

Take a deep breath.

Take a breath.

- I wasn't ready.

- I miss this.

Nobody makes fires in the summer.

- It's too hot.

- You feeling better?

- This helps.

- Do you want him back?

- I don't think he'd have me.

- Mm.

When my husband left me, I stayed in bed for a month.

- What made you get out?

- Surgery.

- Do you hate him?

- Some days.

But if I'm being honest, oh I did a lot of pushing.

- At least you have your daughter.

- Hm, well that is a work in progress.

- Is it true you're writing new book?

- The internet says

I've been writing a book for 10 years.

Do you know the hedgehog's dilemma?

In the wild, hedgehogs will roll toward each other

and try to bundle together for warmth,

but their spines stab into each other,

and they roll apart because of the pain,

but then they realize they're cold,

so they try again and again

to find the exact distance for warmth

without getting hurt.

- Self-preservation.

- Mm.

I spent most of my life in a solid seven years

studying other people,

and then another three writing about them,

but I never looked at the ones

that were right in front of me

because I didn't know how to feel.

I didn't know how to let them in.

- You know, you asked me the other day why I'm angry.

The other day you asked, and I don't have an answer.

I'm angry all the time.

I've been angry forever.

Yeah, I told you my dad died,

but I didn't tell you how.

He died on our upstairs bathroom floor

because he shoved a needle full of smack too big

into his arm, and it caused his heart to stop.

And I was 10.

You know, I like to think,

I like to think he really did wanna stay.

He just hurt too much.

He'd done too much damage to himself.

A few years later, my mom and I moved back here.

And there was this boy down the street, and I loved him,

I loved him right away, instantly.

I loved him so much, and one day,

he heard me fighting with my mom

because I always fought with my mom,

and he asked me to come over,

and he gave me a drink, and I thought this was,

I was like 13, so I thought this was really badass,

so I had a drink, and I had another,

and had another and another, until I couldn't see straight.

I still loved this boy,

so I told him I love him, and I tried to kiss him,

and he pushed me away, and he said no,

you're gonna regret it.

And I said no, no, I won't, this is what I want.

And the next morning, when I stopped puking my guts out,

he said we could use each other for practice

for when we really love someone.

That's what I was to him.

I was practice.

I let him have sex with me so he could get good at it

for someone else

because I was drunk and my dad was dead

and my mother was a million miles away in her own world

and I needed to convince myself that someone loved me.

I'm a cliche.

- So many people spend so much time

trying to recreate the past,

so they can rewrite their histories

and come out the victor, the one that doesn't get hurt.

You can't do it.

And you didn't deserve what happened to you.

You need to know that.

- I think it's time for a taxi.

Um, I'll get my car tomorrow.

- Good luck, Ali.

- You, too.

- Hey there.

- Hey, Ali.

- Do you wanna get outta here?

- Ali, this is Karen.

- Hi.

- So you're a little busy?

- Yeah, we are.

- Oh, I'm sorry, was I talking to you?

- I'll text you another time, okay?

Ali.

♪ Left me for dead that's what they said

♪ That's what they said

♪ Now I am back in my head

♪ It's not lost

♪ I'm not lost

♪ It's not lost

♪ I'm not lost

- Thanks.

Hey.

- Nice eye.

- Earned it myself.

- You'll have to forgive me,

I'm a little tired from fucking myself.

- I deserve that.

- What do you want, Ali?

- I did the last two assignments.

- Better.

- You knew, didn't you?

- If you're implying that's why you felt I was hard on you,

I'm sorry to disappoint.

I don't know you, Ali.

It'd be easy to assume I do, but I don't.

I only know you have talent,

but you think you can coast,

and that is a very short trip that ends nowhere.

- I wanna come back.

- Why?

- What?

- Why do you wanna come back?

Don't do it out of some false sense of obligation

that you really need to finish what you start.

- So you're saying I should just quit?

- Yeah.

Quit.

Do it, give up.

Find something else, and do that.

- Okay, well what if I don't want to.

- Well, if that's the case,

if quitting just doesn't work for you,

I mean really giving up is not an option,

then you'll figure it out.

You know the final's mandatory.

- Mm-hm.

- Then I'll see you Monday.

Oh, and Ali, prepare to make that apology public

next time I see you.

- Sean?

Sean, I know you're in there.

I can hear you.

Sean, I'm really sorry.

Okay, guess I'm gonna talk to the door.

Hello, door, we've met several times,

so I trust you with my message.

But it's very important, so make sure you're listening.

Could you please tell Sean that I'm sorry?

I'm sorry for being an asshole.

I know he was just trying to help me,

but right now I'm just trying to figure out

how to help me.

And could you tell him that I really, really like him?

And I wanna try again.

And I understand if he doesn't want to,

I know it's my fault.

But um.

I'm working on it.

And could you please tell him

that I'm going back to class,

and my final is at Laughs in three weeks,

and I'd really like if he was there.

Okay.

Good talk.

♪ All of my heroes sit up straight

♪ They stare at the ground they radiate

♪ Me I'm mumblin' through the kitchen

♪ For the sun to pay up

♪ Lonely is the ring on a cold coffee cup

♪ And I'm some sick hound

♪ Diggin' for bones

♪ If it weren't for second chances

♪ We'd all be alone

♪ My hands they were strangers lost in the night

♪ All the wavin' around that parking lot light

♪ And I'm waitin' in the wings

♪ While the trees undress

♪ Cuppin' my ear to hear the wind confess

♪ I'm a ghost in the garden

♪ Scarin' the crows

♪ If it weren't for second chances

♪ We'd all be alone

♪ And I'm runnin' from nothin'

♪ No thoughts in my mind

♪ And my heart was all blacked

♪ And I saw something shine

♪ But that part was yours

♪ But it might just be mine

♪ I can share with you if you give me time

♪ And I'm all blood and knuckles

♪ Longing for home

♪ If it weren't for second chances

♪ We'd all be alone

♪ I'm a shot through the dark

♪ I'm a black sinkhole

♪ If it weren't for second chances

♪ We'd all be alone

♪ Look at the garden

♪ We've sown

♪ Sweat in the soil

♪ It's ready to grow

♪ But winter's here now

♪ And it's time for me to go

♪ Things will get harder

♪ But spring's around the corner