Original subtitles

So, this is where the magic happens.

By which I mean sudoku.

(both laugh)

Oh, wow.

-That's a lot of love seats. -Yeah.

I think you can never have too many love seats, so...

-I hope not. -(chuckles)

I've just been getting the house together,

buying furniture, uh, making art.

Actually, I've been getting into this movement

called "freebuilding."

It's, uh, making sculptures out of leftover

construction material.

-So I just kind of let my hands tell me where to hammer. -Mm.

So you just let your hands go

wherever the hell you want, don't you?

Yep. And so, how about-- this is a pretty cool color,

don't you think?

Mm.

Someone left a can of Benjamin Moore

at my site in Woburn.

They did? That's so silly of them.

Super high quality.

Very popular shade. October Mist, it's called.

-Moody. -Yeah.

It's a green that makes everything look better.

Like your eyes.

-Oh, thank you. -(chuckles)

And this piece, wow.

You know, it's, like, very masculine,

but then... (exhales sharply)

like, all of a sudden very feminine.

It's sensual, this...

-It's my mom. -Oh.

(mutters) So, I sculpted it based on the memory

of her taking care of my grandma

when she was in hospice.

Yeah, I could see that.

It's really good.

♪ ♪

Sam, are you, are you okay? Are you drunk right now?

I'm not drunk.

And you are not married anymore.

♪ Two eyes, two ears, they for somethin'... ♪

Did you Uber here from your mom's?

-That must have been so expensive. -I live with Brit now.

Wait, so you're, you're-you're going back to Brit's after this?

Joel, it's okay.

Is it okay, though?

Are we gonna have sex or not?

Maybe we should-- Maybe we finish the tour first?

I want to go home now.

I'm sorry.

Do you want to hold my hand

for a couple minutes or something?

We don't have to, like, intertwine fingers.

It'd be like a handshake hold, like, like mittens.

-No. -No?

Well, you know, my, my therapist Alan would say...

I actu-- I don't know what, I don't know what he would say

right now, but you have someone

you can talk to, right?

Sure.

(phone buzzes)

(phone chimes)

(door opens)

(door shuts)

Oh, hey, party person. You got in late.

(whispers): Oh. Sorry.

-Felicia. -Hmm?

-You got a customer. -Oh, crap.

I booked a flirty-vixen pole class.

Not today.

(sighs) All right.

Make the money, make the money, make the money. Okay.

♪ So good that the others get nervous... ♪

Mrs. Fink.

-Carol. -Yes.

I'll never get used to that.

-Yeah. -What are you doing here?

How does it work here? How does one begin?

Oh, you want me to cut your hair?

I just thought you always went to Phillipe Trailleur,

or whatever his name is, on Newbury Street.

Yeah, I'm thinking let's mix it up a little bit.

Maybe I'll date, maybe I won't.

Who knows? You know, do a little zhuzh.

Isn't that what you kids say?

Yeah, I would zhuzh you, for sure.

-But what happened to Bob? -No Bob.

-Oh. -So, look,

I brought you these, uh, photos.

-Okay, you thinking you want to do the pixie or the shag? -Combo.

-Okay, these are, like, wildly different haircuts. -No.

These are vibrant women who seem intelligent.

-Okay, so you want the bang? -God, no.

God-- Okay. But you like the...

Length.

And the layers framing your face?

-That is not me. -Okay, but,

-what is it you like? -How long it is.

Okay.

Okay, so what you're telling me is that

you want the exact same haircut you have now,

-just a half-inch shorter? -This could work.

-We got it, all right? -Mm-hmm.

(indistinct chatter)

(sniffs)

There she is.

Hi.

-Hi. -Careful with the patient.

She's only here for two days.

The doctor barely cleared her to come.

It's fine. I'm fine.

The doctor said take it easy.

You need to avoid all stressors.

-You made it. -Of course.

-Okay. Okay. -Wow. Wow!

Yep, did the happy part. What's up?

Nothing. Cool party.

-Really? -Yeah.

It's great. I'm so excited to see you.

And the baby looks good in there.

-I'm glad. -Yeah.

Did you sleep in those clothes?

Huh? Of course not. These are my day-jamas.

You know? It's a... (clears throat) it's a thing.

-It's becoming a thing. -Sam.

-What? -I will turn this baby shower into a meeting

if you don't tell me what's going on.

There's nothing going on.

I just had a-a weird week, that's all.

Did you drink?

No, no, I didn't drink.

But you came close, right?

Well...

Okay, what's happening with finding a new sponsor?

Who have you called?

Um...

-Sam... -No, no, I--

-I just, I've been really busy. -Uh-huh.

Seriously, like, they gave me a lot more responsibility

-at Hit Pause. I cover Revere now. -Mm.

And Needham and Dedham and Spreadham.

Okay, I'm going to introduce you to the best person I know.

My sponsor.

-Really? -Yeah.

Let's go meet Darby.

Okay, so she's technically your grand sponsor,

but do not call her that.

-She thinks that it ages her. -Okay.

Oh, interesting.

So this one actually smells like a diaper.

I wonder what they put in the chocolate.

Is that her?

Yeah. Is there a problem?

No. She seems... cool.

Is she eating poop out of a diaper?

Oh, yeah. She's totally insane.

ALL: Aw...

WOMAN: Look how cute.

MINDY: Right, this onesie's from Sandra.

And since it's my future godchild's special day,

we won't be discussing my thoughts

on woke capitalism. Thanks, Sandra.

SANDRA: Thank you.

(gasps)

-(laughs) -Darby, no!

Yes! Oh, my God, can you believe they still sell giant panties

-at the place by Dollywood? -No.

Okay, after our freshman year at Smith,

we went on this little road trip together to see the country.

It was more about doing every drug imaginable

in gross motels than seeing the country, but whatever.

So we're driving down 95, and I saw what I thought

was a floating dog.

And I'm like, "Uh-oh, she's on dorm room peyote."

And she gets out to pet the dog.

-OLIVIA: Yeah. -And it turns out

it's just the sign for this random underwear store.

Yeah, so there's this, like, really angry dude...

I know, but remember he had the Jodie Foster tattoo?

-So we-- I felt like we were safe. -Yeah.

He loved us so much, he gave us each a pair of panties

-with a rottweiler on it. -(laughter)

Oversized canine panties from Darby.

Not sure how the baby will wear them,

but that's funny.

It can be used as a swaddle.

-It's a swaddle. -Yes.

That's the last gift, everyone.

-Thank you all for coming. -(applause)

OLIVIA: Thank you, I have missed you all so much.

So, Olivia tells me we're going to be working together.

Oh, yeah, I-I guess we are. I'm Sam.

-Yeah. I'm Darby. -Right.

I was conceived in an Arby's

with the help of a man named Dan.

My mother loved wordplay.

Funnily enough, she's also an alcoholic.

I think my mom just picked my name

out of a book of Jewish girl names,

so it's not as interesting.

-True story. -Sorry, what?

Your story's not as interesting.

-You guys are connecting. Hi.

Did Darby tell you she has 20 years sober?

I have 20 years sober.

I loved rum and cocaine.

If you want, you can check out my dissolved septum.

You can put your fingertips through it.

I don't need to do that.

It's essentially like a razor-thin slice of ginger

at a fancy sushi restaurant. Try it.

-Isn't that crazy? -It's so gross. -It's very gross.

-OLIVIA: I love that. -Very cool.

Okay, so, a little bit more about me.

The program saved my life at age 20.

I've never even had a legal drink.

And then Darby saved my life.

She got me out of a bottle and into a meeting.

Great.

I love this. Keep going.

Sam, tell her your story.

What, right now?

-Just do it. -Okay.

-Well, I got sober about... -Where's your gift?

'Cause I didn't see Mindy write anything down.

I didn't-- I didn't bring one.

-Huh. -'Cause, you know, the baby's

not even born yet. And it's like,

how can you get a gift for someone you don't know?

Well, you just go to a store and you buy a gift.

And then if you feel weird about it, you can get a gift receipt

or you can switch the tags on the present table.

Sometimes I do that. Cute jammies.

-Yeah, thanks. -Do you want to go shopping?

-Now? Uh... -Yeah.

So, how do you like your sessions?

You like a little chitchat?

Do you want to talk about the new season

of The Real Housewives of Atlanta?

I don't know that show.

You know what,

it's too much to catch you up on.

But, uh, we can do this thing where you tell me

all your problems and I don't say anything,

and that's called "hair-apy."

I'll take quiet. Thank you.

Got it.

-How's Samantha? -Huh?

Samantha. How is she?

Is she still... at Brit's?

Is she with the boyfriend?

Got it. All right. That's why you came to see me.

Sam is...

First of all, she's safe.

She is still employed.

And she seems pretty happy.

She's happy?

In what ways is she happy?

Maybe you should call her for more information.

I don't think she will pick up.

I'm going to Friends and Family meetings.

-Really? -Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I'm gonna fix whatever it is

everyone thinks is wrong with me. (chuckles softly)

I don't know

how to repair things with Samantha.

For example,

it appears it was a mistake to read her Fourth Step.

Did you know about that?

The diary thing?

Technically, no.

It is a list of your resentments that you write out

so you can let them go.

Sounds like you really know what's up.

I do now.

I don't...

think she's going to let me make that right.

What do you think that'll take?

One of us has to apologize.

I...

guess that's me.

Do you agree with that though?

Because it really is a two-way street.

Listen, Carol, you screwed up.

It was your fault, you know?

And sometimes, as a mom,

you just got to learn to take the "L."

What's the "L"?

The loss.

(inhales sharply)

And that's enough haircut for today.

Oh.

I didn't do the...

-You got my cape on! -(door opens)

(door slams)

♪ ♪

And these are made from ostrich.

Oh. Do you know how the ostrich was raised?

I assume like any other ostrich.

That's not good enough.

That could mean anything.

I kind of, uh, thought

this would be more of, like, a mall situation.

What the hell are you gonna buy a baby at the mall? (scoffs)

(chuckles) Right. Yeah. Silly me.

No, don't get me wrong.

I have nothing against malls.

I love anywhere people shop.

It's just older stuff has better energy.

There's life in it.

When I buy something wrapped in plastic, it's like,

-"Do you want to put a gun to my head?" -No.

But you get it.

Right?

Like, this is a liminal space.

It's... sacred.

It's transformational.

It's...

mm, shamanistic.

(humming)

(grunts)

So, let's talk about your sobriety.

Here?

Yeah. No one's listening.

The flow of people here, it's like a river.

We're just two little frogs basking on the bank.

I'd really rather do this where there aren't

Dust Bowl baby dolls staring at me.

Do you want my help or not?

Look, it's just a story.

It's probably not even that good.

-I mean, it's not not good. -Look,

I am going to need you to tell me something interesting.

That's why I got into this game. I mean, if you're just

a boring person, we might not be a match.

-I'm not a boring person. -Okay.

-I'm not. -Great.

All right, fine.

Get this-- I just ditched a 24/7 funeral

so I could try to bang my ex,

who has less than a year sober.

And he turned me down anyway.

And then, when that didn't work,

I took a 40-minute Uber to my other ex,

who is currently going through a divorce with my best friend.

Yeah. And I'm living on her couch right now. For free.

'Cause I had to move out of my mom's house, 'cause she's

a crazy person. And I have a boyfriend

who's none of the people that I just mentioned.

And we're in a fight.

So...

(mimics explosion)

-Yikes. -What should I do?

I don't know. What do you think you should do?

-I don't know. -I don't either.

-It's confusing. -Isn't this your job?

I think it's your job, actually.

What do you want to do?

I don't know. Do you think I should, like,

tell my boyfriend about everything that I did?

If I knew, I would tell you. But I'm not Brené Brown.

-Well, should I tell my friend? -Why?

Because you're afraid that she'll kick you off her sofa?

-Okay, so I shouldn't tell her. -Well, I'm not saying that.

I mean, would you rather that your friend hear it

-from the guy? -Okay, so I should tell her?

Honey, I don't know.

I'm literally just, like, looking at boots. (gasps)

Oh, my God, Sam.

-A bag of spells. -Mm!

Babies love that shit.

-Oh, wow. -Such a good gift.

Yeah.

Wait, what?

SAMANTHA: Nothing-nothing happened.

He was classic Joel about all of it.

But I did go there to try

to make something happen, if that makes sense.

No. It doesn't make sense.

You tried to hook up with Joel,

but you didn't,

so, ultimately, nothing happened?

Why are you telling me this?

It sucks that I know this.

Well, I just thought that...

And why would you tell me at work?

I just pulled a Tic Tac out of a kid's ear.

This is my break!

Don't you have, like, eight journals?

Why don't you just write in one of those next time?

-That's a good idea, actually. -And you know what?

I wish you had hooked up with Joel,

because then I could feel good about feeling mad.

♪ ♪

(sighs)

What is this corgi doing?

Stop.

(laughs)

Hi.

Hey.

I have the 20 bucks I owe you.

Ooh! Thanks.

It sucks that Damian only accepts

traveler's checks and barters,

but his spells are very good,

-so... -Mm.

-I bet. -Hey.

You want to... (clicks tongue)

rap about the Lord?

How'd everything go?

No, I don't want to sit.

It went terribly.

Hmm.

Yeah. Hmm.

I just really hurt my friend.

Damn.

You know, I think what might have happened is that

you came to me, a human,

instead of consulting your higher power.

-(scoffs) -I forget, did you--

have you told me what is your higher power, Sam?

(sighs)

Who or what do you talk to

when, you know, you're in trouble?

No one. I don't have a higher power.

Well, no. I mean, you've been in the program

for, what, well over a year?

-(scoffs) -E-Everybody's got something.

Yeah, well, not me. Sorry.

No, you have... something, Sam.

I know you do.

So what is it? I'm asking you...

My dad, okay? I...

think about what my dad would tell me to do, I guess.

Oh.

Well, again, human, so...

He's dead!

Everyone's got a dead dad, Sam.

(scoffs): Are... you kidding me?

-Your higher power is shopping. -No.

That's not what my higher power is.

But that's not what we're talking about.

Sam,

-humans... -(sighs)

...people will inevitably always let you down.

It is why you have to find something

that is bigger...

than us.

You just...

Yeah, well, uh, thanks, Darby.

Good to see you.

Oh. Okay.

Well, slide into my DMs or whatever.

-Keep coming back. -Bye. Thank you.

Hi.

Hi!

Look, I'm sorry this is a little late.

Darby insisted the baby would like a bag of spells.

(chuckling): Oh, yeah.

Went through a real Wiccan phase our freshman year.

Honestly... (sniffs) all that incense

is why I think my voice is so deep.

I guess I have to give that one to Darby then.

But?

But I'm-I'm sorry,

but what do you see in her?

I mean, if she is the sponsor to end all sponsors,

why does she kind of... suck?

Do you think she kind of sucks because she doesn't tell you

-what you want to hear? -No, she doesn't tell me anything.

At least with you, it was, you know, "Don't drink.

I know you want to drink. Don't drink."

With Darby, all I get is,

"I don't know, Sam. What do you think you should do?

"Oh, yeah, that's pretty confusing.

What do you want to do?"

Sam, you have two years

-and Darby has... 20. -(sighs)

You can trust her.

But don't you think she's, like...

(groans)

You know? Does she care at all?

-(scoffs) -No. Darby doesn't care about your feelings,

because alcohol doesn't care about your feelings.

I...

I think I just really wanted to need all of this a little less.

You know?

Feel normal or something.

Normal isn't for people like us.

Sam, you're a drunk.

I'm a drunk.

Everyone's a drunk drunk.

(chuckles softly)

And we all need something

bigger than we are to get through this.

♪ Take you for granted... ♪

(sighs)

This-this better not be a Karate Kid situation

where I have to clean her car.

'Cause I am quite sure

it is full of red lipstick and Taco Bell wrappers.

Oh, it definitely is.

I get so hungry when I'm in there.

-♪ All the little things ♪ -♪ Try ♪

-♪ To remember ♪ -♪ Try to remember ♪

♪ Not to sweat all the little things. ♪

Carol. Hi.

-Here. -My cape.

-Yeah. -It's my favorite, so...

thank you.

Um...

I want to talk to you.

We have unfinished business.

Yeah.

I know you think I probably overstepped

and you're not thrilled with me,

but, you know, that's nothing new.

-What does that mean? -I mean,

Sam and I weren't the easiest kids to deal with,

and you've never been my biggest cheerleader.

I don't... cheer.

Right.

I guess I just always thought you blamed me for Sam.

I blamed you

for the getting home late

and the drinking.

But my daughter's an alcoholic,

and I know that now.

So I blame her.

No, I don't.

No. Mm.

I don't blame her,

because that's blame shifting.

Um, can I blame the disease?

Mm, uh, can you?

-I don't know. -I don't know.

Doesn't matter.

I didn't like you when you were a shitty little teen, Felicia.

But I respect the hell out of you as a mother.

Thank you.

It's the hardest job in the world.

Yeah, Zack almost killed me when he was the last in his class

to be potty-trained.

(chuckles)

And you did it all on your own.

-Pretty much. Yeah. -Mm.

Yeah, I know...

something of what that's like.

David went away for a while when Sam was a baby.

-Oh, I didn't know that. -Yeah.

He went to New York

and he played with the Philharmonic

and, um, was gone for months and...

I was not a great single mom.

I couldn't figure out naps

and the bottles.

And I yelled at her.

I once left Sam in a cart

at the Stop & Shop.

I just left her.

And the manager had to chase me out into the parking lot.

This is something you would never do.

I actually did that at a CVS once.

You're a great mom.

We listen to way too much true crime

for you to not answer a single one of my... texts.

Do you want to go have dinner?

(exhales sharply)

(groans)

Oh, hey-- Oh.

-Damn it, you are not my sandwich. -Hey, so I have

been beating myself up all day,

-and I was like, "You know what..." -Joel.

-Joel. -No, I-I have to do this. Um...

A thing happened with Sam.

Here's the thing though-- it also didn't happen,

-which was... -Yeah.

I know. I've already heard this today.

-You have? -Yeah. Sam told me.

Sorry, why do you both feel the need

to come here to tell me things?

I don't know. I-- It...

It feels kind of like I'm supposed to?

We're divorced. We can move on.

Go. Fly.

Okay.

You know, the thing is though

you still haven't even signed the divorce papers.

I'm fine to move on.

Just let me know when you want to do it.

If you even do.

Sorry I wasn't your sandwich, by the way.

♪ ♪

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Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0