Original subtitles

You don't fool me around, I live here, very well.

How do i do ? I'm single, and fine with it.

and now i'll explain the advantages of this life.

> You know when you don't have to justify anything to anyone ?

> That's it ! This is the first real advantage.

> Do i want to run ? i run !

> I suddently want to run back ? i run back !

> I want to spend an hour saying hi...

Hi, airplane !

> I say hi !

> And, if i want to do something, I do it.

If i want to think something, I think about it !

am i sleepy ? i go to bed. Do I want to get laid ? I call Mirna !

- Do you know who am I for you tonight ? - Who ? - I'm Minnie the whore !

Lorenzo: God bless Walt Disney! Get in.

> Lorenzo: Mirna is the perfect lover.

> Engaged since 6 years with a guy from Belluno,...

..she get excited with me with the disguises.

> She told me in may she want to get married.

> Do you want to know what i think about marriage ?

Do you want, Lorenzo Buccianti, take Pinca Pallina..

..as your legit bride ? - No, I don't ! I don't !

- I knew it - Lorenzo: heh, you knew it !

< The marriage is ancient, and archaic.

I'm more for anyone lives on his own.

Am i right, Dad ? Look at yourself, the way you are after 40 years of marriage !

< I get married only with myself...

..and I'm not afraid about lonelyness.

I go to the cinema alone as well! And even to the restaurant if I like!

Poor fools! You ugly!

Till death doesn't split you.

By the other side also God was single, wasn't he ?

Al�! Score, set, game: I won! Bye wall!

> In conclusion, replying to all my friends, engaged or married...

...and in endless crisis with themselves and with women...

...i gave the input of freedom to the bitter way.

> And i was feeling good, very good.

> In your opinion, am i selfish? Am I the selfish type?

Good morning Florence!

< Garbage collector: Good morning my ass...

...i'm awake since 4.00 a.m.!

> Lorenzo: Shall we reach the top of the paradox?

> I',m single and free also in my job.

> Just not to the natural start of the seasons...

...i do the seasons myself, I make them start when i want!

> ''Rain, snow and hail'' at home!

< Lorenzo: What kind of snow did i make, heh?

Nina ( in sicilian slang): God bless ya boss!

< Later in the afternoon...

...new wheels should be delivered for the fog's car.

Let me install them, then I bring them quick to the Rai!

Of all you said i understood only:

..''God bless ya boss'' at the beginning and Rai at the end.

Yo should write what you've said in the middle...

...in italian on a sheet of paper and send it via fax at work.

( in sicilian slang) Do you get me cutie? Quiet, mute and resigned!

< Shit, mafioso!

< Lorenzo: Good morning everyone, cute babies!

Spiripicchio, did the teathre Puccini call?

They will dance on september with snow and rain?

< They posponed the tourn�e.

< Lorenzo: Does the Count Deberucchi, for his party wants the snow?

To paint white his castle it takes 3 days!

< Spiripicchio: He said the tower and the entrance will be enough.

I't s a good hail at midnight!

< He says he want to scare everyone.

How big this hail?

< Fausto: All over the square! Around 800 mt squared!

( in sicilian slang) He will come back after tomorrow from Bologna.

We were waiting for a component from Germany.

Fuck you and the plumber!

What did he say?

He said he will come back after tomorrow from Bologna. We were waiting a component from Germany.

Excuse me, but when your wife speak I don't understand her!

Instead, what i don't understand is, why did I marry ....that animal.

Do yo know what did she say the day of the wedding?

( in sicilian slang) ''If i don't marry him, who's going to take care of this squint-eyed?''

How many times have I told you? Marry that skiny one in florence!

But you stubborn! "He likes those fatty!"

The meat is meat!

< Lorenzo: And look how she dress. She looks like Madonna in the '80!

Ah! What is this horror?

Lorenzo: What did they write to me?

Here they are!

''Tonight Rombo, Taddeo and Bardella will go.

These guys are fools!

> Lorenzo: Taddeo Borromini,..

..descendent from the barons Borromini by the Pieve in Toppo,..

..as known as ''the Slipper''.

> Great cheater, two ex wifes...

..and 45 different caps for the hairs in the wardrobe.

> This is Giandomenico Bardella, as known as ''the Fugitive',..

...because he is eternaly chased by his ex wife...

...she consider him, after Father Pio,..

...the man with the "pierced-est" hands in the world.

> Two familiesDue famiglie contraries in the time...

> They tell that their ancestors, instead of battle each other,...

...they were used to take away each other slots of land by bets.

> This guy Guglielmo Borromini by Camaldolesi as known as ''Lampredotto''..

..in the 1641 did a bet with Gustavo Bardella..

...about he was going to die suicidal.

> To win the bet the moroon jumped from the tower!

Guglielmo: I woooooooon!

I lost!

> Lorenzo: They tell that on march of 1813...

..the granduncle Guadalberto Borromini Fanciullai,..

...another excellent dickhead...

...did a bet with Osvaldo Bardella, granduncle of Giandomenico,..

...great horses breeder,..

..that he was going to resist without fainting...

...facing a fart by a horse with the tail raised,...

...breathing fully.

> In the end, in the '50, Margherito Bardella Cigolai, as known as ''little Jaguar'',..

...did a bet with Taddeo's grandpa..

...that he was going to face the curve of casalone..

...at 120 Km/h without touching the breaks.

> It was also a bet between the curve and himself.

Go bud!

Ahi ahi! C'est la vie!

> Lorenzo: The curve won.

> I know Taddeo since i was a kid, the Bardellas since 15 years.

> Since then. at least once a week we eat togheter and then...

...we fool around togheter.

Dear Lorenzo, you have talent in cooking fish, you are never banal.

< You have your secrest, as i have mine.

..bishop in F5.

Taddeo: Bardella, how mutch money do you give monthly to your wife?

The justice said 8.000 euros,..

...then my lawyer negociated and now i give her 10.000...

< Taddeo: I bet that ammount that i give you check-mate in 3 moves. Deal?

I never step back!

Taddeo: Who is now?

- Are you waiting for someone? - I wasn't and you ?

- Where is that idiot? - Veronichina, how are you doing?

The wind of the bank which sent me back two cheques!

Follow me, make yourself home. Here we are.

< Lorenzo: Miss Veronica, my regards.

- Where is Giandomenico? - Where is Giandomenico...

< Bardella: Veronica... - Come outside, idiot.

What a nice surprise, we weren't waiting for you! dreadful

Rat and idiot!

What are these two cheques for?

Doctor Andorlini even bothered to bring them back to my house!

< Bardella: I'm sorry, I've been looking for you the whole day!

I've had a delay in the payment from Thailand, my love!

What love and love ?!?

< Stick in your head that you and I are enemies, e-ne-mies!

- E-ne.... - ....mies!

And excuse us if we interfere but, do you sell windbreakers to Thailand?

< Taddeo: Isn't always 40� in Thailand?

Minimum! Even 41 , 42.

< Bardella: There are also very high mountains as Chang Mai, Chang Rai...

< Lorenzo: Chang Mai, Chang Rai and the brat that you are!

Make up a better one the next time, you boiled pea!

You have two days.

If within 48 hours you don't send me the cash,...

...even your villa on the sea become mine!

Ok, it's a little late now...

...and before to go to bed I have to meet Mirna...

...she prepared a nice disguise.

< Ciao, Taddeo! < Ciao.

Ciao, Bardella.

- I didn't know that in Tahiland.... - Brr! Thailand...

So cold! Take it easy!

> Mirna: Are you ready? - Very ready!

> Hold me tight! - Go!

What a fool!

Lorenzo: Cute Morticia! Resurrect me all!

- Mirna: Tataan! - Lorenzo: Ehil�!

- Oh! What are you doing, the "dead hand"? - Yes. - You are doing the dead hand?

Bonjour. Oui, un petit peu.

< J'esp�re que tu entendras mon fran�ais.

Oui, nous avons le machinaire nouveau..

..et vous pouvez le voire sur internet.

Oui, nous avons our site: www.rain-snow-hail.com.

Com, dot com. Alright, je vous en prie. Au revoir.

Worst than the french consulate!

Did you understand. Mickey Mouse, you neither speak italian?

- Good morning everyone, any news? - Look what i bring to you. very fresh!

< Do you have a diving suit and a parachute?

To go where?

We have to land on Ischia, as Diabolik and Eva Kant.

- On lschia? You and me? What are you talking about? - Oui, oui.

< Fausto: This morning i've got a fax:

..private party, same rich people snowfall on the table for two.

< Easy money and quick job.

Considering the urge we asked for 5.000 euros!

You dodn't even spend for the hotel,...

''Snowfall on the table for two. It's requested the presence of the owner.

''Maximum privacy. What is it?

There will be the usual rich guy with his girlfriend.

Anyway, they have clear ideas:

...they did already a tasfer of 1 .000 euros!

Faustino, take an appointment with your lover:

..Nina and I tomorrow go on mission!

Vive la France!

- Do I carry the perizoma? - Carry what you want.

Lorenzo: Perfect, it's all the way around here!

Is there anybody? Snow has come!

Are there any biting dogs ?

Lorenzo: Owners ? I get in!

- You are very good. - Yes? - Yes, yes.

(spanish accent) But the next time..

...give me a more tough accent on the second. Do one and ah!

- like this? - Right.

Even in the last hook do: one! ...

Congratulations, you are very good. You dance very well!

< The door was open and i dared to get in.

(spanish accent) Good morning, did you bring the fish?

No, I'm Buccianti from Florence, i brought the snow.

- Do you dance tango? < No!

I feel better with faster dance!

Simur!

- he will point it at you. - Thank you.

- Cimur, where do i get in' - Let me show it to you.

Nina: Careful, careful!

We took this from the scandinavian, it costs me a leasing.

Easy.

Looki I got all dirty.

( in sicilian slang) The painful jobs get always to us!

(Simur speak in indian)

Right. Finally someone that understand me.

- What's your name? - Simur. - Simiur?

And where do you come from? From the book of the jungle?

< Lorenzo: Miss, on the fax there was:

..''Requested the presence of the owner'',..

..but the job is very easy.

< Once things are set, i'll leave my collaborator.

You can call me by name.

I was saying, i can leave my collaborator,..

..so you can save some cash.

A part that here looks like Arcore between the rocks.

Maybe i didn't make myself clear in the fax...

...but i can't afford that tomorrow something goes wrong,...

...above of all the snow.

I want to rebuild for my boyfriend the moment we've met.

- Was it snowing on july in Ischia? - We were at La Thuile.

I know, it can look like a caprice, something for spoiled people,...

...but all lovers are crazy.

Anyway, if you feel safe like this, I'll stay.

Amaranta, my name is Amaranta. And call me by name.

Penalty!

There you go, I knew it.

Are there dwarfs on the terraces?

Stay here.

Your job is really odd.

- How did you come up with this? - They always made it family style.

Before i used to work a lot for the cinema, now the cash flood slowed down,...

...thus we do also private parties like yours.

- Are you married? - No, thanks.

Someone who doesn't have anyone is someone who is waiting for someone else.

Nice, nice comparacy, I want to write it down!

I was single as well untill one year ago.

< I was still living in Cartagena, I'm from Colombia.

Then he arrived, and my heart felt a part...

...as a coconut.

< Lorenzo: Listen, listen...

Do you like to blow?

< Are you kidding? I simulate the wind even better than the snow!

< Nina: India is a extraordinary country.

< You have Sai Baba, we have Santa Claus.

In effect... you have Sandokaz...

I'd like to go in India for a while to meditate, I practiced yoga!

< Mostly I'd like to go for a while to find myself back,...

..most of all to lose my husband.

That painkiller gave me the cronical ulcer!

I, Simiur,..

...do this job, cause i'm the daughter of a great tenor.

< I've been around in all the teathres of the world.

In the Arena of Verona I made rain so mutch...

...that the Tosca had to go home with the boat.

< In India i can solve, the drought problem myself.

I own the company ''Rain, snow & Hail''.

You are a woman with a very strong temper.

< But remember: the force of mind...

...bring men over the garden's borders.

That is where that commediant take his sentences!

I can see you! Go a bit more backward!

< Lorenzo: Like this? - A bit more.

- Like this? - Still one step backward!

Did you get hurt?

< Lorenzo: No, but i've cut off Cucciolo's head!

What a smart prawn! A prawn from Ischia this one!

I can feel it, it seems fresh! I'm joking logically.

Forget it.

From what you said, you are with Guglielmo since one year,...

...but you've met him only five times.

Yes, but i can't forget those five times.

You are all alone in such a big house?

well, sure.

Tomorrow night it's also my birthday.

Lorenzo: Ehil�! Congratulations! How old will you be?

Are you silly?

< Nina: You can't ask the age to a lady!

Actually I'll be 25.

- Nice way to look... - Fuck you! Sorry for the "french-ish" word.

Anyway, I organized this way, tell me if you like it.

- The table is ready... < Nina: The table is steady.

< Amaranta: Candels on it,...

...a dinner aphrodisiac based...

Of course!

< Amaranta: The we'll have the cake and on the cake...

< Lorenzo: There our show begin! Snow will start falling!

Don't worry.

< Amaranta: Then i take off my shoes and I invite him to dance.

#B�same, b�same mucho, turururururu!#

This is psychopathic.

Pears.

< #B�same, b�same mucho, tararararara...#

- The off the music, off the snow... - Off everything.

< Here i kiss him.

Kiss... Kiss... Kiss... Kiss...

And then the police arrive and take us away!

She is out, psychopatethic!

Nina, do me a favour. Take your legs...

...and go in the bedroom!

Listen, I want to tell you something as a friend.

You, as a man, what do you like in this woman?

I'ts a conteiner with meat, that's all! She doesn't have a soul.

- Nina... - Mh? - Come here.

- What do you want? - I want to tell you something as a man.

I doubt it.

That conteiner has two tits and one ass...

...just those, solve out the third mistere of Fatima! Understand?

Understand that with you we won't go over the garden.

- I'm going to bed. - Yea, go. - See you.

Good night. Sweet dreams!

- Ciao! - Ciao! Ciao!

< Ciao, Amaranta! Take it easy!

It's so hot today! Now we explode: bum! and everyone floating!

< Today the sun is very hot, it hits strong!

l have my shirt because under the sun I become red,..

..become red as a prawn.

< Girl: Prawn? Yeah! Big prawn!

< Lorenzo: Like a big prawn.

Good morning! Congratulations even you for the big prawn!

And what a big prawn this one!

Look how ugly, look! Take it onthe fly!

Don't push the...

Don't break my balls!

Sorry, my friend is out of mind, out of mind.

- She doesn't understand a fuck... - Like a big prawn!

Good, this one has a big prawn in the brain.

< Nina: Lorenzo! Look what a sea star!

< We'll carry this to Florence! Put it under the sun!

Don't throw stuff, i told you.

I took a seastar. The sea star!

< Girl: Like a big prawn! Like a big prawn?

- Santa Rosalia, look what a sea urchin! It's the bomb! - No, the sea urchin no!

take it on the fly!

Girls: Like a big prawn! Like a big prawn!

Lorenzo, an harpoon!

No lo puedo creer que lo voy a ver a Guglielmo.

One moment. Simur, put the candels on the table.

Ok, lady.

- Is it ok like this? - Some more!

- Is it ok like this? - Still a step backward!

< Amaranta: Ah! In my opinion I'm too emotional about it.

I still have to decide what to wear tonight.

I?m in doubt between a romantic dress and a very sexxy one.

- Can you give me an advice ? - With pleasure.

Et voil�! What do you think?

< Lorenzo: What do i think?s

You look great, congratulations, very nice.

I'll go wear the sexy one.

< Here, this is the sexy one. Did i push it too hard?

Oh God!

( in sicilian slang) When does the fuck Guglielmo arrives?

He make us wait as a VIP?

You see, i don't understand you either when you have nothing in the mouth,...

...figures when you eat!

< Nina: When does this moroon of Guglielmo arrives?

He act as a star?

In my opinion you are a lonely girl.

It looks like Doctor Zivaka!

- What time is it? - Alerady 10 p.m., boss.

10 p.m.?

Anyway, today is my birthday. Make a wish and blow!

I blow, however you wish won't become true.

< Amaranta: I was expecting that.

I said:

What can i do more than the a miracle to make the snow fall...

I know, you have been even too kind with me.

< And i organized 3 wonderful days.

< This was just the beginning.

I planned all a path of love.

How silly, heh?

Now I will go alone, next time I learn.

Alright, i'll turn off the car.

But, this path of love you planned..

...only two lovers can go through it..

...or also two friends?

I'll go turn off the car.

< Simur: People from west have the culture of phisical contact..

...just to reach an animal orgasm.

Instead, we know..

..that a man can reach an orgasm even with his mind.

It's enough to let the mind fly over the garden's borders.

Speaking about garden, lend me the weed before it's over.

Thanks, darling.

What did you put in this free joint, breadcrumbs?

It taste as fried meat!

...jasmine, turnip's root and some cannabis.

If you stick in it some chicken we could have had a picnic!

You mix the flavours to reach before the garden's borders.

- Just with the mind? - Just with the mind.

Listen, we can do quicker with the classic method!

''I never had a friend. If you want, we can leave tomorrow at 8 a.m.

< Nina: What is it?

- From where did you geti n? < From over the garden's borders.

- What are these messages under the door? Invoices to sign? - Where were you?

I've cleaned the car and i've put it in the track.

Tomorrow morning we leave soon, ain't it?

No, ther eis a news, You take everything and go back to Florence.

- I'll stay for a week. < And the defil� by Dolci and Galbani?

< I'ts off, models under the snow get the bronchitis.

Have fun then, and careful with that woman, she is witchy.

What Macerata? She is from colombia! Go to bed and don't break the balls!

Ciao.

< Nina: Have a good trip, boss. Have fun!

I reccomend call me when you arrive.

- And bring soon the machine in the warehouse. < Don't worry.

- Who drives? - I do,...

...even if I don't have the driving license. - Then would be better if I drive.

Figures! Get in, nobody will complain we are the island's owners!

Car documents and driving license madam.

but I...

I know, i've been in the police.

How silly am I! What kind of bullshit are we doing?

This is a signal. Come on, let's go back.

No, no! Take the bags and come, I'll take you on my shoulders, get in!

Stop it, you can't make it!

Why can't I make it? Come on, get in! I've been a cop! Get in!

Lorenzo: Where do they rent cars on this island?

Islanders!

One things must be clear:

- Okay, easy. - Watch out to the sheep! - Oh God, the sheep!

Say hi to the sheep, it brings good luck!

- Hi, little sheep! - I almost killed her!

- Lorenzo: Where are you going? - I'll buy a gift for the witch.

- From now on we go on feet, okay? - The witch?

Which witch?

I know that in the deals i can't ask nothing,....

... but it's 30 minutes we are walking. Where are we going?

- We are going to meet the witch. - And why the hams?

Amaranta: Before the money weren't claimed,...

...then she got sued and now she accept food as a gift..

In the daytime she hams as gifts and in the evening she bring them back.

The legend tells..

...there are cheese stocks that go on and back even 12 times.

Did you understand the witch? I did the magic!

- Amaranta: Lorenzo... < Tell me.

What would a fine magic would for you now ?

After 30 minutes walk, a nice tapis roulant! And for you?

That in your place there would be Guglielmo.

That pig of your mother!

What a crap!

- Thanks, very sincere of you! - You are welcome!

Amaranta: Okay.

She does withthe voice, they call her ''the witch of the voice''.

They even did a show on the television.

Lorenzo: Pumpkin.

> Maga: #Come in!#

- Good morning, madame witch. - What did ya bring?

Ham, two salamis and cheese.

- Where do i put them? - Toss them over there!

I'll toss them here. Al�!

< Maga: Sit down.

- I can sit, but we are here for you < Sit down.

So, let's start, Now the talking ends and the singing start.

''The singing start''. What is it?

- She focus while singing. - Ah!

#I can see it in your eyes a love in the future.#

< Amaranta: #Excuse me, dear witch, the naughty question,..#

< Maga: #This man is not far, he has the heart that beat strong.#

#Excuse me, if i Interfere, I don't want to take care of fucking business other than mine,..#

#..but there is a big rat on the cheese he looks like a young marmot!#

< Maga: Get the hell out of here, asshole!

I go, but while you sing he eat the whole supermarket!

Get out! Get out!

Good morning, is the witch of the voice in shape today ?

No, the rat is in shape. He got a stomach very big.

Lorenzo...

The witch says if you could get in for a moment.

- Does she want to do me the side B? - Come on, for a minute, she want to talk to you.

- Is she going to throw two sausages in the face? - Come on!

Lorenzo: Cool, this witch!

Lorenzo: Can i get in?

I apologize for before, but the rat is nibbling, nibbling,...

..he take down the whole house! < Asshole!

- Aight, I apologized. < Stupid excuses!

< Even if you are a sceptical fuck I want to give you a gift.

Yes, but please don't restart with the songs!

The female .... and keep a secret, careful, asshole!

Thanks. #I'm leaving, I'm leaving!# Good bye.

< Lorenzo: I wonder also how how the TV come shooting some people.

What have you been told exactly?

Nothing, a bullshit about you. Maybe she thought we were engaged.

What?

< ''That female...''

''...keep a secret... Careful, asshole!''

The witch is right. Don't ever give me your back.

< I have a mistere.

(voce spiritata) Ah... Are you possessed by the devil? you have a demon!

< You have a demon inside! - No, no, no!

Lorenzo: You have the demon inside! Speed the demon out!

- Speed the demon out! - No, no!

Speed the demon out! Speed him out!

< Amaranta: Take this.

I won't wear it.

< Really ? - I'm feeling hot. - Are you sure? Can i wear it? - Mh mh.

Maybe is the sun today. A little short, heh?

You know I'm one of those who can take away the tablecloth,...

..pulling it, leaving everything above of it?

- Really? - Really.

- Try it. - Do you want to see? - Mh mh.

Careful, heh?

Take off the elbows. There you go, well done.

One, two...

Two lemoncellos!

So cold...

Do we sleep in there tonight?

- Why? Isn't it romantic? - It might have been with Guglielmo.

A part that i suffer seasickness.

< Amaranta: In your opinion I organized all of this...

...to sleep separated from him? You'll see tomorrow night!

Dear Guglielmo, you are a real dickhead!

Aren't there any mosquitos?

Lorenzo: Here we are. Cool this mattress. A water one!

Cool that book, I've read it as well.

A nice thriller, a nice intrigue, cool.

Thanks!

- Now we sleep. - Now we sleep.

Oh, sorry.

Hallo? Hallo?

Wait, Fausto, I'm coming out. Sorry. i'm on my way out.

Can you tell me where the fuck is my wife?

It's the whole day long that i'm calling her on the cell phone, but nothing,...

She must have left this morning with the car.

...and I have too many doubts!

I've left her today morning in the villa.

- Was she alone? - Yes, alone, but she had to leave.

''She had to'', ''She must be''... You must be precise!

- There was only the waiter. - The waiter?

- What kind of waiter? - Who knows, indian!

Indian?!

Hallo? Hallo?

This time I won't forgive her.

Fausto! Fausto!

Where did she go that imbecil of Nina?

I'll show you ''Spesame mucho''.

Oh, so tiring this tango!

Bring me some weed. it will chill me out a bit.

< Oh, Simiur!

- So, did you like me? - A lot.

Listen, honey, shall we go over the garden?

- Which garden? - Are you pretending to act as the indian?

- I prefer the classic method. - Then classify me!

Amaranta, can i ask you an intimate question?

Tell me.

Do yo know a man that is not a horny-gorilla in the right moment?

- Important is to understand when the the right moment arrive. - Right! Good night.

These water-mattress suck.

< Lorenzo: Ahi, ahi, ahi!

Jesus, what a torture!

If i'm below, i'll puke, If I'm above, I'll burn!

< Amaranta: Beppino, I'll plunge again! < Beppino: Ok. cool!

< Lorenzo: I'm also hungry.

- When do we eat? - Beppino: Take this.

This alchoves are prepared by me, they are salt-based, have a taste!

> Are they good, heh? - Very good!

Ehi!

Another one! Check it out, Beppino!

Jesus! You are lucky today!

Did you see, Lorenzo, how fine they are?

- What are they? - The blu rocks of the hope!

They call them Floriani. They are very rare!

< They bring good luck. I've already taken 4 of them! They are on the orange tarpaulin!

Nice! I go to have a bath till there!

- Amaranta: Listen, Lorenzo, thank you. - About what? - About everything.

You came with me to have this absurd trip,...

...you ask for nothing, you ask nothing to me. Thank you.

Lorenzo: Figures! Look, I'm also having good time here!

Pity for that fat guy who stole the blu rocks of the hope.

Really, and how he denied it!

Disgusting!

- Where do we go? - Don't ask questions.

I can just tell you that today and tomorrow we go by bicycle.

Ah, by bicycle! How lucky!

- Lorenzo: Where do we go? - A party.

We dance, we drink and we have fun!

- Look, here will be difficult to explain that you are not Guglielmo. - All right.

< Woman: Here they comes!

< And you are Guglielmo? - Sure! Check what Guglielmo's face I have!

< Come, we are waiting for you. We prepared the custom!

So we do a trick to this boy!

Come with me!

Look how nice! I also have the pompon!

You look great!

You look like Robespierre's fool cousin.

Come on, Guglielmo! Join for this dance!

Lorenzo: Where do i go?

Guglielmo?

- What's up? - Let's take a picture!

Ahi, ahi, ahi!

Lorenzo: Ohi, ohi, ohi!

Ohi, ohi, ohi!

< Woman: It was a distraction, my son didn't want to.

< Lorenzo: What distraction? He also aimed at it! Steng!

< Another while and he take my head off!

- Does it hurts? - No, what pain? Sometime before to go to bed...

...a knock between head and neck I ask for it. I like it!

- What is it? - Wine.

- I'll drink it all at once, cool!

< Man: Drink, after the knock you need a drink!

I drink, but it's already the second cup of wine!

This the cake by Angelina!

She prepared it with her own hands. Holy hands! Eat it, eat it!

< Woman: Shut up, shut up!

Now this guy in love...

...has to give a present to his girlfriend!

Do something, Tell her something that will make her heart fall a part.

< Lorenzo: What do I tell her? I am drunk for the half and with an headache!

Sing her a fine song!

Singing? I don't remember the words i didn't know them when i was a child either.

< I don't know the words. - Come on, sing, sing!

Everyone: Sing, sing!

Easy, easy, don't get mad, I'll sing.

Come on musicians!

< #Tu tu tu tu tu...#

#Ya are da big thing for me!#

< #'Something that makes me fall in love so mutch',..#

#..'something that you look at me,..#

..I'll die like this looking at you!#

#I'd like to know something from you.#

#Why did you knock me like this?#

< #You too feel like dying',..#

#..you don't tell me or you don't make me understand!#

#Why?#

Everyone: #Say it just one time..#

#..that you are trembling as well.#

#Say that you love me..#

#..like I, like I love you!#

Lorenzo: I took it too high.

Lorenzo: Damn, this water stinks!

what did they put inside it?

Amaranta: It's good, this water is good.

- Do you get embarassed? - No.

Naked women look better than men.

- Naked men are ridicolous! < See how you are?

Men, all the same, you talk, talk and..

..you are the first to blush, you are predictable.

Because I'd have the courage --

Lorenzo: Excuse me madame, what time is it?

I'ts twelve and a fuck -- Oh, 12.30.

Thanks, measures are faked by the antrax. Thanks a fuck!

Let's repeat. come on.

- Filthy? - Man filthy inside?

However not very available.

- Whore? - Woman very available.

But behind compensation and without invoice.

- Lupara? - Weapon?

Instrument for killing.

- Piruocchio arrinisciuto? - Proud louse?

- Man with money but without charm! - Cool.

Now careful here is the difficult part!

U suverchiu scummogghia u cuperchiu?

This is a saying! It's like ''the drop that makes the water fall out''?

You are very good! Come here, let me kiss you.

Aaah!

For Rosalia sacke!

Now it's a fuckin problem!

Sexual male's organs.

> Fausto: Let me go!

< Nina: Fausto, wait! - What am I waiting for?

< Nina: It's not as it seems.

Isn't it as it seems? I've never saw you before?

You even deny the evidence! I'll go to a lawyer.

- Nina: My Strabicchiotto ! - What Strabicchiotto?

- Nina: Let me explain! - What? Let me explain it to you.

< You are a traitor! < How dare you?

< Fausto: Before that guy from Calcutta...

..the one you gave the motorbike PK Special!

- It was second hand,it had already 9.000 km! - Stop it, it was brand new!

Then the indian of the island that used to teach you english?

- You even went scuba diving with him. What were you doing? - Full immersion!

Nice! and Sandokan? The guy of the party with the mask in Borgo San Lorenzo?

< He wasn't even original. HIs make up was the black polish for the shoes!

Amaranta: Qu� lindo!

- How mutch does it cost? - Today 10 euros.

- Amaranta: Okay, perfect. - Thanks.

- Wear it! - No! Donald duck no!

Amaranta: Come on, wear it! You are going great.

Now hit me with your best shot with Donald duck!

Lorenzo: It means that if tonight it's cold....bang! I'll wear Donald duck.

- Okay. - Thanks.

Maybe I'll wear it to go to ski.

Lorenzo: By the way,..

..on friday you made me sleep on a boat, yesterday in a barn.

As you can see, I don't ask questions..

..but where do we sleep tonight?

Tonight, dear Lorenzo, I think I pushed it too mutch.

Did you push it?

- Lorenzo... - Tell me.

Reask me the question on the magic.

Which one? Which magic would be best for you?

Yea, that one.

- Amaranta... - Tell me.

Una pregunta: Which magic would be best for you, now?

Mmh...

I wish Guglielmo doesn't exists.

Look, you and I can not be friends.

Amaranta: We always fall in love with the wrong people.

Come on, in two hours we are done.

My my, what a mess!

- Here it is! - Thanks.

- We are on foot again! - We'll go back to how we started! Get in!

- If you can't make it i'll switch with you. - I can do it!

< Lorenzo: My my, you are so heavy! - Come on!

Do they rob you at home?

Whos is there?

< Simur: The boss arrived!

I'll go upstairs to take a shower!

What's going on?

''Is the boss arrived''? What do you mean? The shower?

< Veronica: You have to stop it to spend everything in whores!

Veronica...

< Veronica: Yes, i also got the paintings!

and even the gardening stuff!

- Veronica! - I'm sorry, I'll call you back.

- What are you doing here? - Actually what are you doing here?

What am I doing here? Well, this is my house!

- Are you Amaranta's auntie? < Whom?

< Veronica: your friend, I want to see him on his knees, that pig!

So, what are you doing here?

Amaranta! Amaranta!

Amaranta!

Amaranta!

How she run away! Run away?!

I don' t know who is this Amaranta, I've never heard of her.

< She will probably be one of his whores.

This is the house of your friend Bardella.

Namely, it's not his house anymore, it's mine, since today, if he keeps not paying my alimony!

Then, this is Bardella's house? Your ex husband's one?

- No, it's mine! - Yes, since today if he doesn't pay my alimony!

I came here, Amaranta was waiting Guglielmo, brought the snow..

Guglielmo? What are you talking about?

I'm missing since 3 days!

I've met the witch,...

...I got knocked between the head and the neck, i've slept on a boat!

< We made love on a tree..

Damn, stop crying.

You are a piece of shit, a cruel man!

< Even our love has been challenged!

A bet? You two did a bet on me?

< Taddeo: In effect this time we pushed it,..

..but you know how I am,..

...when i'm asked to bet I can't resist,..

...it's stronger than me, it's like a sickness, I just go for it!

Do you want to know how it happened?

< I was here in my house I was playing chess with a friend,..

..a philosopher by Pistoia....

Bishop in B9, Veruska in L5, you win with your lucky ass!

Taddeo: Check mate!

> Taddeo: If you dialed this number,..

..it means the cell phone is off..

..and if it's off, it means, you don't have to dial this number!

> Bardella: Slipper, I want to bet on the human being.

> We bet that within two weeks..

..i find the woman that put that filthy friend of ours on his knees.

> we bet 50.000 euros.

- Taddeo: Ohi ohi, can I. - Where are you going?

- So, what happened? - Did you smeel the perfume?

Can you explain why are you so mad at him?

Because he is a fuckin single and he always fool me around.

- And how does that happen? > Don't worry about it.

- Are you in or not? > Let's do this,..

..if you win, i give you the money, but I win you give me your brand new Jaguar.

> Done. Deal!

I?ll go now, I have to explain Schopenhauer to a friend of mine. Ciao!

How did you come up wth that? How dare you?

A bet on my feelings?

< Bardella: What were you thinking? To be the superior being?

I was single like you before to meet her.

< Then, a night, I saw her...

...she was sitting on the table of that restaurant close to the sea. She was alone,..

..the orchestra played ''B�same Mucho'',..

..and midnight came, there were stars, she was still alone...

< Don't you get close? And there the trap!

His boyfriend had to arrive Guglielmo, they were in love.

< And what do you do? You go to my villa on the sea to grab the furnitures?

She was loosing it...fuck! She was loosing it!

< She made me lose the bet and the Jaguar! She ruined my life!

- Why don't you calm down? You have 3 by-pass! < Taddeo, cool down.

And be happy with the jaguar, it also has the insurance payed for one year.

She is an actress!

Actress?

< He will make you lose the habit to play with indians!

- Pearl by Labuan! < Piss off....Pearl by Lips!

Spiripicchio, did you speak with Bardella?

< He sent me a fax with the informations.

The name of the girl is not Amaranta, but Anna Jimenez.

...they d�but with a show in Narni, close to Terni.

- In which teathre? - Narni is not Broadway, there is only one teathre!

< Lorenzo: Faustino, Nina is stuck on the hail machine crying.

This time I'll go till the end! A woman that betray doesn't deserve forgivness!

But you've forgiven her so many times already!

< I didn't see her the other times. Eye can't sees, heart can't hurts!

Sheeps in the sky, water all the way... what the fuck are you talking about today?

Man: Alt, knights! The spanish princess is coming!

< Get down from your horses and let's greets such beauty!

- Here she is! Your grace! - and grace my ass!

Oh, gentlemen!

What i was uselessly looking for is the consequence of my love for Guadalberto,..

...of other loves.

And it floats in the shadow of the wish that he remember, my love.

< Director: Stop! Hold it! Anna, whats the problem?

I wear the 39! This shoes are 37!

< If you don't have the money for the customs,..

...let's do some modern commedies, so i can bring the shoes from home

< Check also those guys out!

< Those 3 idiots, they are joking. Are you actors or what?

- I drive the train in the morning! - Ok, then stay there and get out of my balls!

< Director: There you go, you had to show off!

Neither 3 months ago, this one used to prostitute herself...

...and now she became a star. - What did you say?

< What did you say?

I heard you! Your mother was a prostitute!

< I've never did that!

I was joking, cool down!

You are a broke ass! From tomorrow on I won't come here again, find another one!

easy, my horse might lose it!

Congratulations, excellent interpretation!

< You know what? In my opinion you did prostitute yourself at least once.

Whore!

< Baby: Mammy!

< Mammy!

Honey, sit down on the bags. I'll say bye to this guy and we leave.

Come here. That's it.

I would have looked for you. I wanted to explain that...

well, I wanted to apologize.

Sometime in life apologizing is not enough.

- Is he your son? - Yes. - Congratulations, he is a nice kid.

< Lawyer: I didn't understand well yet.

This separation must be mutual, ain't it?

Because if it's not, we need another lawyer for your wife.

- In fact, your honour... - Lawyer, I am a lawyer.

Your honour, i meant...

...this separation is also my husband wish,...

...because he has a bad opinion about me!

But I still love him!

What?

He say that it's not true. That I was wrong!

- But, mister notary... - Lawyer. I am a lawyer!

Lawyer, i found evidence about her! I busted her!

I busted her clasped as a polyp to Mister Simur Aui Maccarti!

< Don't pay attention to that, it's vulgar.

As long as i go over the garden i was with him like...

- and who is this Simur? Ah, The indian guy? - Right him!

I busted them while they were exchanging erotics massages,..

< Nina: Do you want to kill me? Kill me!

I'll kill myself, but forgive me! Also assassins get forgivness!

- Forgive me! - Forgive my ass!

You are a pervert woman!

We go abroad. I promised you the passport? I'll make it to you!

- We'll go in Polinesia, in Sri Lanka... - What Sri Lanka!

Excuse me, it's better that you sort things out before.

Fausto: Sort out what?

Congressman, the things are two:

..or I take a surgery and i become indian...

..or I'll be fooled around for my whole life! Clear? Seaparation!

< Director: No, too heavy.

Look, the drops are huge! We have to make a thriller!

Then let's mix it with the fog!

It's even better, you can't see a fuck And you catch the rain!

The assassin with the raincoat long till the feet, black...

...stab here and there. - No, you don't know the story!

The assassin is a parrot!

Well, if the assassin...

You saw it as well, it wasn't only me.

Sure, why? It's an olygram? I's a special effect of yours?

< Nina: Boss, I can not believe it!

He said he wants to talk to you, He is waiting for you.

Hurry up, lose that pain in the ass!

He should call to Costanzo by Pistoia,..

..they also have the zoo there, maybe you can find the main character.

Costanzo by Pistoia?

You are right, sometime it's not enough to apologize.

It will take only a minute.

I wanted to tell you that with that shitty bet...

..I wanted to put you on your knees,..

..because they said you are a filthy maschilist,..

I've been a fool, you are not like that.

I just wanted to tell you this.

That's it.

I don't even know why I came her all I know is...

..I've had 3 wonderful days...

..and I will never forget them.

And I've forgot about you! Who are you? I don't know you!

What do you want from me? What is she looking for?

Excuse me, can you show me the deep fog?

Oh, this deep fog!

And then you can't see anymore the parrot! Don't break my balls!

I was asking about the deep fog...

Who's next?

Who's next? It's up to me.

Bishop in B5.

Taddeo: Cool, a wise move! It's check mate.

- Lorenzo: So what? - If you put it there, it's check mate.

Why? < Why?

Because you are a fgool. Look how ruined you are now.

< Because I like to lose as well sometime.

I'm not like you, always willing to win.

Did you make your bet on me?

Did you have fun? And now what should I do?

How do I have to tell you? You are right!

I apologized in all the languages!

Anyway, in the rough luck you had good luck,...

...because you tested the chain of love without remaining slave.

Anyway, enough! React!

You have to trust Slipper. I'd do anything for you.

Come on, wear the jacket and let's go.

- Where do we go? < Don't worry wear the jacket and follow me.

I want to make you forget the past!

Taddeo: Here we are at the supermarket!

I want a cuople of chickens to grill!

Lorenzo: How long does it takes?

The time to badge twice with the credit card!

- Lorenzo: Take them brunette! - Don't worry!

< Brunette, heh? - Easy!

This is your life....fuck! Single all the way!

< Drink! And always remember that these are not whores!

They are guardian angels! Missionaires of the heart and red crossers..

- ....of my "aubergine"! < Correct!

- Lorenzo: Where do we go? - To hell!

- To kiss Satan in the mouth! - Al�!

Yesss!

Taddeo: What love, what family?

- I'd like to see you getting old like this! - Like a red prawn!

- Correct, you can go back! The night ain't over! - Nooo!

Lorenzooo! Tell me you are enjoying it!

< Lorenzo: Where are we? My head is floating!

Now i show you the lame life of married people!

Do you know who lives here? That moroon of my cousin, the sane one.

You chicks, stay cool.

We'll beright back!

< Lorenzo: Stop it, they must be sleeping now! - Keep the cool!

I?ll show you the wretchedness of matrimonial life!

- Taddeo, what do you want at thistime? - Open up! Family reunion!

I hope you won't bring those two...over there!

No, easy, they are the anti-theft device! Let's go!

Sst! Ok, don't make noise,...

....show us your family.

Look, Brigitte, the wife!

< Graduated in politic science, swiss - german

German from switzerland!

Six years of engagment and never an extra fuck!

- Stop it! - Brigitte!

< Taddeo: Here they are, the heirs. Seven and three years old. Gianfelice....

Gianfilippo e Lapo, eight and two years old!

In fact! eight and two years old. In euros, four and one. Nice one!

You might have seen them three times since they are born.

And if you are his friend for real,...

..bring him home before you mess up big time, trust me.

Taddeo: Here we are!

Babes, we arrived at the end, get down!

Lorenzino, i go to grab another two of them, you didn't like these.

No, what others? It's 6:00.a.m. Let's go to bed.

Are you joking?

This is the road trip, without a moment of pause.

Twenty-four hours togheter!

You, I and the whores, the night, togheter. We drink, get laid...

Welcome in the singles club! Forget that Amaranta!

A poor bastard, a survivor!

Do you know what Bardella told me? He is still living a low quality life!

Forget her! I?ll be right back.

< Taddeo: Come on, move!

< What are you waiting for?

< Switch it on!

Save yourself!

Good luck my friend!

andnow how do I go back home? Taxi!

Wake up, Bardella! wake up!

Bardella!

Lorenzo: Call your friend director. Track her down, come on!

If I'm feeling like this is your fault. Call your friend director!

- Are you in love? - I said, Call your friend director.

Are you in love?

Yes.

Then I'll have to keep the car. I won!

It was long time you wanted to!

Nice, good temper. I'll go to make that call.

Now you and I have to make a good bet,...

We get along togheter for 30-40 years. And if we felt comfortable togheter, I won...

...if we didn't, you won!

Could you stop it? What are you talking about? How dare you coming here,...

...taking me away while I'm working?

Siamo stati insieme tre giorni!

- But we made love! - But that doesn't mean we are in love.

It does indeed.

You have been thinking about me!

What do you want? We started it in the wrong way since the beginning!

I came here cause I want to hear it from you.

Do you love me or not?

- What kind of question is it? - Answer me! Do you love me yes or not?

No.

Why did I tell him no?

Too proud of yourself, my mum used to say that.

Please, call me, call me, call me, call me.

I won't see him again.

Anna! Anna! Anna!

< Anna: Lorenzo!

Lorenzo? Lorenzo!

> Lorenzo: That was the only time...

...that failing had another meaning.

Lorenzo lost two teeth,..

...but a great love story begun.

Like mine.

I don't have to fight anymore with lies, jealousy...

The indian man has another culture.

Tits are too exposed, and too tight here!

You make me looks bad!

Come on, change completely and don't dress like a whore!

''Bottanazza''is the italian expression for ''whore''.

...but his father is from Caltanisetta!

What do we have to do?

Bardella! Ohi, ohi, what a bad day!

Well, yea!

I got back with my wife, but not for love, it was convenient!

I don't love her, but she was taking everything away from me, stocks, money....

- I had to give up. < Veronica: My love!

- How do I look? Do you like it? < You look great!

It sucks! I hate it!

Priest: Before to continue This solemn ceremony...

... I wanted to remind you with pride that the next week,...

...as you've learned from the newspapers,..

...Queen Elizabeth will be visiting our town.

< Priest: The Queen then will visit this very church..

Sons, i recommend, do not miss it!

- Bardella, would you make another bet? - No, no.

What bet?

- With the language? - Correct.

This time I'll bet the Jaguar and the Polo of my daughter.

< Priest: Stand up!

< Exchange a sign of peace. Oh Lord.......

- Whats up? - There is so mutch need of peace.

< All: Amen!

< Priest: And now it's up to you. Lorenzo and Anna, stand up.

- Do you know that for thehoney moon she will go to Sri Langhia? - Shut up!

- Don't we go to Sri Langhia? - Shut up!

Mmh! You are becoming hard to tolerate!

You sent me over the garden...

... but I send you to hell!

< Priest: Do you Anna Jimenez take as your legit husband...

< And you, Lorenzo Buccianti,..

... do you want to take as legit wife Anna Jimenez?

Let's bet it's a NO?

It's just a way of saying.

Oh?

What happpened? Am I deaf? Or they are not newlyweds?

Yes, I want it! I want it for many reasons!

First of all because the marriage is healthy.

Look how beautiful you are dad, after 40 years of marriage!

< You still have smart eyes!

Plus life must be lived in two.

Singles are selfish! ''It's all mine, it's all about me''!

We have to change, we have to try!

< Life must be lived step by step,..

..the important is the heart keep beating!

BU nobody says it has to beat always for the same person.

At least i will use some money!

I like my job ''Rain, snow and hail'',..

..but the rain, the snow and hail are things...

..a bit sad, here instead thanks to Anna,..

... i see things more coloured.

The Queen is coming!

#God save the Queen!#

Here it is,here it is,here it is...

I lost.