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Starting today, you'll have good moments, few,

and difficult moments, many.

You won't have other women and you won't have other men.

I mean, it's over.

Mass is over. Your life together begins now.

Let's put down our phones

and have a round of applause for the newlyweds.

Congratulations.

Wide formation!

Every time you do that, they score.

You can't do this.

Esposito, out of the box.

We lost 12 matches in a row, next time I'll beat you up.

What do you want to do?

Come here, let's see what you can do. I'm here, see?

Come here…

-You're beautiful. -Really beautiful.

-Did Enzo come? -Did Enzo come?

Hey! He couldn't, there's the Champions League final.

-When will you and Enzo get married? -This isn't the moment.

He insists but it's better this way, we are fine.

Bills, children, thoughts… It's fine this way now.

Why all these questions? One here and one there…

Go give your best wishes to the bride.

-Here I am. -Enzo, finally!

Excuse me, the kids had a game.

Right, but now think about another kind of game,

the double-entry game. Here's the calculator, do the math.

Ladies and gentlemen,

if you want to take pictures and autographs…

-Little Sarri is here. -I don't understand this petty humor.

I think that this team should change just one thing.

-The coach. -No, their mentality.

-Good morning. -Our best customer is here.

Give it to me.

Next month I'd like to save something, if you don't mind.

When I found you this job, we made a pact.

But that's not a problem.

-Next month you won't pay. -Really?

But you must stop coaching.

Or you'll have those children on your conscience.

There's nothing to laugh about.

This is the desk of shame. Come and make fun of me!

-Hey… Good morning. -To you.

-What happened? -Come with me.

What happened?

Tell me please, I don't understand…

-This. -This? Yes.

-Did you do this? -Yes, do you like it?

-No! -No… Let me explain…

This customer came to the salon two days ago,

she saw my hair and she wanted the same.

-I can barely stand this on your head. -Thank you for flattering me.

I don't want to see this on our customers head never…

Again.

-Never? -Again.

-Never again! -I said it… Never again.

-But the customer was happy. -Do I care?

No.

-Do I care? -Yes.

-Do I care? -There are two possible answers…

-I don't care. -No.

Our vision must be s…

Should I say it? Sad.

-S… -S…

-Sober! -Sober.

-And… -And?

I can't guess that…

-Elegant. -Elegant…

Why do I have to solve riddles so early in the morning?

-Minimalism. -Minimalism…

Can I write it down?

So I don't forget it. I'll put it on my phone.

Let's do this, all right? So I won't waste your time.

Sober, elegant and…

She'll say the third one because I've already forgotten it.

-Minimalism. -Minimalism.

-Now go. -Home?

-To work. Go… -Yes.

Goodbye.

-Go! -Enough, this is a game…

Why are you screaming? I'm here and you're there.

Lucky you, there's a net, or I'd beat you all.

Daddy's soul…

Insigne in front of Donnarumma… He makes the stadium erupt!

Mertens… Pass to Zielinski… Zielinski!

Here's the start of the second half.

Also, Manila got married.

-Lucky them. -Why?

They had the money to get married.

And so? When my parents got married,

they just had enough money to buy bedroom furniture.

Those were other times, today it would be crazy.

But I must listen to my biological clock.

-Do you know what that is? -An organic clock?

-Do you take me for a salad? -I don't understand, you talk in code.

There comes a time in your life in which what you have is not enough.

Heartbeat, you should never give up on your dreams.

I agree.

You want to grow up, to improve…

You think… "Why don't I do what they're doing?"

Right, you think: "Why don't we do what they do?"

And the solution…

-What's the solution? -Milan scored.

May your head blow up! Look at me.

Even Manila got married…

We have been together for 13 years. What shall we do? You have two options.

-Either I marry you or you dump me? -Either you marry me or you marry me.

Marry her so we can watch the game.

Do you think that I have to marry her to watch a game?

Do us a favor.

-So? -You're right, the time has come.

What are you looking at?

-The game. -Look at me.

I didn't see you there, kneeling…

-My Life… -Mhm?

Do you want to marry me?

Heartbeat, if you ask me so abruptly,

out of the blue, in front of all these people…

I don't know.

Are you asking me because I asked you or because you really want to?

I really want to.

Then… Yes, I do.

Congratulations!

Hey!

Enough! Stop minding our business. Watch the game.

-Mom, Dad… -There's also my mother.

-I didn't see her. -What?

Mom…

Dad… And your Mom…

Enzo insisted very much that I marry him.

I told him that right now

to get married is an important and difficult step.

But he…

What?

Wait…

I'll slap you with it!

He says that in life one should never give up on their dreams.

Hurray! Congratulations!

-Congratulations! -Hey!

What are you doing?

They are talking about marriage, do you understand?

These are difficult times. Did you do your math?

Yes, Dad, we thought about it, in fact…

What's your name? Enzo!

He wants to do something not vulgar and not pretentious.

He wants to do something sober, elegant and…

-Militarism. -What?

-Minimalism. -Minimalism!

God bless you then.

No! Don Gennaro, are you already convinced?

Of course! Congratulations!

Mom is convinced too, damn it…

This apartment is too big. How many pieces of furniture do we need?

Shut up… we have something.

-We have one piece of furniture. -That is?

-That thing from your mother. -She's joking.

Mr. Tempocasa… How much is it?

He didn't speak yet.

Rent is 700 euros. Plus the parking space.

-We don't have a car. -You need a parking space.

We need it!

Condominium, building manager, porter, gardener, elevator,

twelfth, thirteenth, fourteenth month pay…

-How much? -Eight hundred and fifty euros a month.

My Love, this is almost my whole salary.

We want to think about it.

-We'll take it. -We are quick thinkers.

Monica, that dress was meant for you.

-And it's also on sale. -My girl…

-You look like the Virgin Mary. -How much is it?

-Twenty thousand euros. -Virgin Mary!

But it's on sale… it's 10,000 euros.

Monica, we still can't afford it.

I understand, Mom. If we can't afford it, it doesn't matter,

I'll get married wearing jeans, is it fine?

Don't worry, we'll take it.

-How can we do this? -Don't worry, I'll take care of this.

Thank you, Dad.

I'm sure I'll please you with this.

-I like this. -What's is it?

I don't know but I like the name.

We'll take it. So we are getting…

One hundred and thirty party favors of the first kind, 250 of the second kind,

those for our parents, for the best man and the maid of honor

and "It's time for love". How much is it?

-Six thousand euros. -Daddy's soul!

Don't worry, you can take a loan.

How much would you like to pay in advance?

Is 20 euros enough?

Life, now we just need to find the photographer.

We have a very original style, really far away from every stereotype.

We are here for photos, not for stereos.

So, he…

-Me? -Shut up!

He wants you to shoot some footage, like if it's a backstage movie…

Like if… If it's…

This way you will capture every emotion of our wedding.

Don't worry, the day of the wedding

-we will shoot for 24 hours. -He…

-Me? -Shut up!

-He wants… -Why are you screaming?

If you don't take those curtains out of your ears, you can't hear her.

Look at me.

He…

-Me? -Again?

You're betraying me three times like Judas Scallops. Shut up!

Look at me, don't bother with him. Look at me…

He wants you to start shooting now.

Now?

But it's March now, it's six months before September.

How much it is?

-Seven thousand euros. -Seven thousand euros?

For 7,000 euros I want the backstage

of first communion, wedding and extreme unction.

Guys, I've known you since you were kids, that's right,

but where can I place 60 baskets of roses plus 50 baskets of mixed flowers?

You baptized me, gave me first communion and confirmation,

why don't you want to celebrate my wedding? I'm a good customer!

Customer? Tell me.

-There's a solution. -That is?

Move some things and the flowers will fit in.

-What should I move? -Saint Antonio and Saint Rita.

I should move the statues of Saint Antonio and Saint Rita,

-to make room for your wood? -You can move them to the sacristy.

-Enzo, make her reason. -No, I won't say a single word

-or I'll end up in the sacristy too! -Let's be honest.

There are more Saints in this church than in Heaven.

Two Saints less… who'd notice it?

Did I go too far?

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

Do you prefer to move Padre Pio and Padre Moscati?

-Do you want to move the pipe organ? -No! I have a choir.

-A choir? How many people? -36.

Get married at the San Carlo Theater!

I knew that we can get married at the San Carlo Theater.

-Let's do it there, then. -What about the after party?

-At the San Paolo stadium. -Both of them are saints!

My goodness…

Mom, there's nothing to do,

that's the total. We must eliminate something.

-Like what? -The wedding.

Look! 1,300 euros for the party favors for the best man and the maid of honor.

You can't save on that or Aunt Carmela will go nuts.

Okay. How could we… I have an idea.

My wedding suit costs 3,000 euros.

-Let's get something cheaper. -No,

-it suits you so good… -I'm good looking, huh?

You're right, we can't change that.

-We need that suit. -But we need to eliminate something.

-Look here… 2,000 euros for flowers. -Enzo, you're stingy!

Your father would always say: "Money is not an issue."

For those who have it!

Congratulations, the big day has come.

What did Monica look like when she was little?

-Do you have some pictures? -Sure, here…

Look how pretty she was.

When she was born, she weighed 6 kilos and 700 grams.

She didn't look like a baby girl, she looked like a wild boar.

And she didn't want to come out. It was hard to take her out.

-What kind of child was Enzo? -A good boy.

Too good, he looked dumb.

He didn't grow much, so we took him to the best doctors.

-As you can see, it was useless. -Shut up…

He had every kind of sicknesses,

rubella, measles, chicken pox, parvovirus and roseola.

There wasn't any other sickness, or he would have gotten those too.

-Mom, this isn't a medical file. -Shut up…

Tell them about all those sleepless nights.

She'd wake up at 02:00 a.m. and we'd give her milk.

She'd wake up at 04:00 a.m. and we'd give her milk.

She'd wake up at 06:00 a.m. and we'd give her wine, so she'd sleep, finally.

-We'll end up in jail. -But that's the truth.

Then he had the problem of the foreskin on his willy.

Mom! You can't say that in my wedding film.

-Don't say such things. -Shut up…

What worried me the most was that he'd wet his bed.

That's normal, these are children's things.

-Yes… -When they are 13?

Mr. Manager, any news?

-Good morning. -Any news?

The shop owners are reducing staff, they will start firing people soon.

-Also Enzo and Monica? -Yes.

You're the manager of the mall, there's nothing you can do?

The mall doesn't have this power.

-They're getting married. -What do you want from me?

This is not my decision.

-Those poor kids. -Poor kids?

I think that you're more sorry for your pocket than for them.

-Bye. -Have a nice day.

-Hey! One moment… -Monica! Excuse me…

Move, I must talk to Monica. That plant…

Lino, I need to talk to Monica. Monica!

-Where are you going? -Enzo!

You can't see the bride, it's bad luck.

My goodness… What are they doing?

-Listen. -I'm listening.

-I… -I don't care!

No one can ruin this day, we'll do what I say.

Shut up!

Don't worry, everything is fine.

We got a little worried,

because that jerk forgot the pillow for the ring bearer.

Can I have some water? Holy water!

Hey!

-I'm fine… Dad, I'm fine. -Are you okay?

-What's happening? -No, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Excuse me if I dare to disturb you during this rooftop committee,

this committee of Saints.

I just wanted to ask you a very simple grace.

Make her change her mind, don't make her come.

Thank you!

Thank you so much! You're such a good group of Saints!

Ave Maria

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

Thy, holy Mother

My Mother

Who welcomes every hour So many praying hearts

Congratulations to the newlyweds!

Congratulations!

A round of applause for the bride and groom.

What are they doing?

They told me we needed someone to throw petals at us.

When you arrive, not while you're eating.

-They end up on my plate. -I'll take care of this.

Enough, we are eating!

Stop or my husband will beat you up.

No… She's joking. Don't worry, I'll do this myself.

I'll do this myself.

You can't stand his jealousy

Possessive, almost insane

You were asking for that slap

One hundred euros. Not even enough for tipping the waiters.

How much is there?

Two hundred euros. And they are six people!

Aunt Maria gave us 500 euros.

But they are 11, no one stayed home! And now?

Stop. A smile…

-My Mom must be backwards? -This or nothing.

-Smile, Mom. -Stop.

NAPLES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

Open. Let's go.

-Did they leave? -Yes, let's go.

-Let's go. -Can you do this?

Close!

What a nice honeymoon!

-We'll see America with binoculars. -We'll go there one day.

ITALY -GERMANY

Pull!

WOLFSBURG - CITY CENTRE

Daddy's soul…

-My phone. -Who's that?

-My Mom. -Really…

-Should I answer? -Yes, but be careful.

Mom?

-How did the flight go? -Everything is fine.

-Where are you now? -At the bus station…

-Where? -We are…

We are at the New York airport,

because we have a layover here, and then we are going to Miami.

-Be careful… And don't forget to eat! -Yes, don't worry.

-Mom, please, tell Monica's parents. -All right. Kisses.

-She sends you a kiss. -I don't want it.

-All right, bye. -Bye.

Hang up the phone! You're wasting time on the phone with your mother,

now that we are in such a hurry because we have to go to…

We have to go…

Here.

-Where is your cousin? -Calm down.

-He's coming in five minutes. -Right…

Did he say five minutes?

You don't know these things! He's a very busy man.

He has a name in the world of publicity.

-Do you know what he does here? -No.

Communications and Marketing.

-It's him! He's here. -Finally!

-Let's go. -Take this. Let's go.

Here, Enzo!

Communications and Marketing? He hangs up billboards!

-Enzo! -Ciro!

How are you, Enzo?

-If he's Enzo, you must be the bride. -Of course, who else could I be?

We have been here six hours waiting for you like two poor things.

His mother called him and he said that we were at the bus station.

Then he started to play with a can and hit me in the head with that.

And what kind of a place is this?

Congratulations for your bride, she's adorable!

I'll smack you up! Let's go.

Come on, cheer up… I will help you, guys.

-The luggage… -Let me help you.

Careful you don't break it. There's this one too.

"Let me help you" means doing things together…

-Well, it doesn't matter… -Let's go!

After you…

-Ciro, where will we sleep tonight? -At my place.

-Aren't we going to bother you? -No, my wife can't wait to see you

and spend some time with you.

Use your key.

Keys!

Hi, honey. I have the keys.

-But I also have the luggage… -Keys.

Keys.

-Look who is here. -Who?

I've been telling you for two days… Enzo and Monica.

-Hi. What's happening? -Don't worry, stay behind me.

Nice to meet you. Isn't she happy to meet us?

-One night. -I don't understand.

-One night! -Yes, one night,

they must leave tomorrow. She'd like you to stay longer.

But they can't, they have things to do. She's very hospitable.

-I understand Italian very well. -And what did I say?

-Daddy's heart… -Daddy's princess!

You're right, I've forgotten your royal title.

-Nice to meet you. -Hi, nice to meet you.

-And here… -Hi!

What a sweet girl! You didn't get that from your mother.

-Daddy's soul! -Don't be afraid…

-Is he also Daddy's heart? -No, he's Daddy's refrigerator.

-Is he your son? -No.

He's the son from my wife's first mammoth. Sorry… I meant marriage.

-His name is Ottone. Know why? -Because they fed him octane?

-The fuel for the car? -He ate the car too.

Watch out, he may bite… Ottone, say hi.

-He greeted you, did you see? -Is he mute?

No, he's very lazy. He moves his mouth just to chew.

-Did you wash your hands? -Show your hands…

Clean.

Dear Father in heaven, we thank You for giving us a beautiful meal today.

-Amen! -She tricks me all the time too.

-She makes this long pause… -Enjoy your meal.

The same to you, and also all your ancestors.

Well now, my rainbow haired sweetie?

I hope this meal upsets your stomach and you will sleep very poorly tonight.

-What did she say? -A lot of good words about you.

-It didn't sound like that. -I swear.

I'm actually surprised because usually, she's not that outgoing.

It's fine.

Enough. Do what you want!

Fried egg? Sit up!

-I didn't want… -Why not?

Enzo, as I was saying, I found you a job

-in the restaurant business. -Will I be a waiter?

You weren't exactly a bank manager in Naples either.

Have some patience, you'll find something else soon.

But… no.

-You must be quick or you'll starve. -He's lazy but he's also quick.

Monica, I settled you with the Bevilacqua family.

Did you hear, Honey? The family of Engineer Bevilacqua.

-She doesn't listen. -Who are they?

They are friends, he's a very nice man and his wife is so sweet.

-You'll work for him. -Will I be his secretary?

It's not easy to define… You will cooperate with him,

his wife, his kids, regarding their food intake and their clothing.

I understand, I'll be a maid.

Don't act like that, in Italy you weren't a minister.

Be patient, you start like this and then… Like I did too, right, Honey?

I beat you.

-Where are you going? -What's going on?

What do you care?

Let's not bother with other people's business.

Let's listen.

No! Why are you knocking?

-We have to see, don't we? -What's happening?

-Is everything fine? -Yes, everything is fine.

-Is something wrong? -No, we are just playing.

Be gone, you two. Come on, get out.

I told you that we should stay out of this.

-Let me hear… -Let's go to sleep.

-No… -Do you know what they say?

"Don't eat more than you can choose."

-More than you can chew! -Don't bother with these things.

-I want to know what's going on. -What do you care? Just walk…

She was so pretty before… Now she's the girl from "The Ring".

They don't make a sound when they walk, they fly,

-just to scare me. -All my internal organs have melted.

-She just came out of the screen. -What's going on?

If they don't stop this, I can't sleep.

-They're playing. -No…

First Mom beats him up, she locks him out, and then everything is quiet again.

-Do you want to sleep with us? -Can I? How nice!

-Wait… -What? Come on…

Did you forget that this is our first wedding night?

-And so? -Well…

You know… I'm ready for this.

I paid 300 euros for a pair of designer underwear.

Gee! Was it worth it? Considering what is under there…

You complain about money and then you spend so much for useless things!

Useless things!

-Let's go to bed. -It won't fit all three.

-It won't. -Do you know what they say?

"If your bed is too small, sleep on the floor."

It's not like that. If you don't know the proverbs, don't say them.

I know them, I'm sure, it's you who doesn't know them.

I can teach you.

-What's wrong? -I can't sleep with this next to me.

I found you a beautiful apartment, you can live there for 20 years.

We'll stay here until our debts are paid and then we'll go back to Naples.

I can't survive here, it's too cold…

Come on, Life…

This is a terrible accusation that I don't deserve.

-Liar! -It isn't mine.

Liar! You know that during Ramadan, we can't drink, can't smoke, and we fast.

I was fasting, but then my sugar level got too low

-and I had to eat something. -Baked pasta?

I don't know about you, but in Palermo, baked pasta is just a snack.

It has always been like that… Where are you going?

Why don't you let me explain? Why are you leaving? Who's that?

-What's going on? -Not much. What do you want?

-I brought the person you asked for. -Me?

-You asked me many times. -Who's he?

-Your cousin? -The top scorer of the pizza chefs.

-What do you do with pizza? -I dribble.

-What are you saying? -You're exaggerating…

In Naples, he used to run a chain of restaurants.

-That's too much. -What can you do?

-Nothing. -Everything.

-Nothing? -Everything.

-He said, nothing. -Everything and nothing.

When someone does nothing, he does everything.

This just doesn't make sense!

-Dad, I played so well. -My Life…

-Did you hurt yourself again? -Again? What did you do? Let me see.

You did well, a real football player never puts his leg behind.

-Who's this? -Who am I?

-The top scorer of the pizza makers. -We are training for the tournament.

-And so? -You promised to enroll us.

-Did you score? -No.

Who did you get your DNA from?

-At your age, I was already a champion. -How did you end up here making pizzas?

It was my choice.

I was tired of making everybody else feel miserable.

-I decided… -Don't listen to him.

Can't one just decide to change? Why are you leaving?

-What do you want? -He's leaving.

All right, a week of training.

-One week is not enough. -No, it's fine.

-It's not fine. -Two weeks.

-One month. -It's too much.

-It's too much. -He's great.

-Come in… -Good morning.

Come in…

Monica, let me introduce you to my wife Margherita

and my two angels: Federico Maria and Carol.

-Why do you have a colored head? -Here we go…

This? It's a shatush, I did it myself.

And it shows! It's ridiculous, if I was you I'd change it.

It's fine for now, I'll let you know if I decide to change my hair.

To detoxify from you, I'll go smoke some weed.

-Bye, good luck. -Bye.

Let's start… In the morning at 07:27 a.m. we have our breakfast.

-How nice, all together! -No.

-No? -We have breakfast, you'll make it.

So, I prepare breakfast and you eat it.

-Of course. -All right.

At 08:00 a.m., we start cleaning the rooms.

You give me a hand? How nice of you!

-No, I'm very busy, you clean the rooms. -So, I clean the rooms.

At 09:02 a.m., we do laundry and we start cooking lunch.

-All together? -Rodolfo, she doesn't understand.

Rodolfo, I don't understand Italian very well, but…

"We do"… all together, "I do"… it's just me.

In the end, it's me doing things!

All right… At 11:55 a.m., you eat.

-Me? -Yes.

You have a 13 minute break.

At 12:02 a.m., you set the table for lunch.

I have 13 minutes to eat?

-Yes, why? You can't make it? -If I use a straw…

If you think that this plan is too strict, you can also decline.

Don't get upset, but I will "incline"…

"recline"… "declive"…

-That's not fine. -Is she quitting?

Of course.

One thousand, four hundred euros a month plus taxes. Are you still going to leave?

I'll leave my stuff here so I can start right away.

I never saw 1,400 euros all together!

-So, are you staying? -Yes, why?

-Fine… -Fine, I'll stay.

-Follow me. -She just doesn't understand.

One moment, please. Ma'am?

-Madame. -So…

Seven, nine, and 15, please.

-Did you understand? -Not even a word.

A seven, a nine, and a 15.

-Seven, nine, 15. -For me, an A1…

a 12… and a 13.

-So, A1, 12, 13… Sergio, A1, 12, 13. -Enzo, go to table 16.

-So, A1, 12, 13, and 16. -No, A1, 12, 13…

-A1, 12, 13. And 16? -Enzo, quick, go to table 20.

-No, not 20! -No.

-So, seven, nine, 15. -Fifteen.

Delete 12 and write 14.

Table 12, Enzo. They're waiting for eight and 23.

Elevan, no sour kraut at table 24.

Calm down! Wait! Is this a pizza place or a bingo hall?

Here…

-Do you see this room? -Why are you talking like this?

Rodolfo!

This is my private collection. Fossils and most of all…

My T-Rex egg.

Did you do this? Without anesthesia?

Rodolfo! So, don't ever touch these.

Don't even dust them. Don't come in here.

-Will you still give me 1,400? -Sure.

-I won't touch them. -Rodolfo!

-Who's that? -It's me!

-I'm too sad. -I never saw you like this before.

-I got scared, I thought you were dead. -Help me.

-What? -What a smell!

You smell like a box of fried food.

That's not a smell, it's a stink, I'll go take a shower.

-How did it go? -That's not a house, it's a barrack.

-I can't do this anymore. -Have some patience…

-Let's eat something and go to bed. -What did you buy?

-Me? Nothing. -I thought you'd buy groceries.

-I don't even know where to go. -Why, do I know the area?

Fine… Now we also have to go to bed hungry.

Who's that?

Hi, I'm Amir and that's my wife Jameela.

-Come in. -Hi, we are your neighbors.

Hi, nice to meet you.

-How can we help you? -Please, accept this, it's good.

-No… -Thank you, but we already ate.

It's not true. I apologize, but walls are so thin here.

-You hear everything we do? -Everything!

Be careful when you are with your wife.

Don't worry, it takes just two minutes.

-My Love! -Come on.

Why is your Italian so good?

I used to teach language at the University of Aleppo, in Syria.

-Kid! -Are you stupid? You scared him!

-Excuse him, he's dumb. -Don't worry… That's our son, Imaad.

How beautiful… I have an idea!

Why don't we eat all together? You offer the food and we… the table…

-Shall we eat at your place? -Yes.

Please… Welcome.

-Sit down. -Thank you.

-Can I? -You're welcome.

-I'll come back in a second. Imaad? -Yes.

-Don't touch. -See how many religious objects?

Put it down! What are you doing? You are always the same.

Life…

-Why is that place already set? -Must be a religious thing.

It must be set for their God.

-I like this! We should do it too. -No… We can't do this.

You worship the Virgin Mary, I worship Saint Vincenzo,

your mother, Saint Ciro and my mother, Padre Pio.

-We'd need too many places. -You always correct me!

How are you? Come in.

-He's our friend from Tunisia. -Nabeer.

This is not our house, I don't know if they have beers.

-Nabeer. -We don't carry beers in our pockets.

-Nabeer is my name, are you okay? -Are you a Tunisian from Naples?

-What's wrong? -He asked a simple question.

-Nabeer traveled the world. -But he never learned manners.

Excuse us for one second.

-What happened? -I don't know.

Is everything fine?

-They worry me. -What's wrong?

Excuse me, but when I see a ball, I lose my mind.

This isn't my job. Balls! Kids, balls, please!

Thank you.

So…

When I was in Italy, I used to coach football.

I'll teach you a formation that never fails. Victory…

It's the wide formation. It's like this…

This…

Spread…

You pass the ball… Goal! Always victorious! Go!

Good day. Please, Miss, pay attention.

I said all the German words that I know, so now I can relax.

Hello, I'd like half a kilo of lean ground beef,

yours is so good.

You don't understand me? No? Ground beef.

How do you call this? Meat made into pieces.

Pieces. Meat torn apart…

-How do you say that? -Pardon?

Pardon… Me speak and you don't understand?

Like… Meat…

-For meatballs. -Meatballs!

-We did it! -Meatballs.

-No, meatballs, no… -Meatballs.

Do you still say "meatballs"? No, meatballs…

I'll have a stroke here in Germany. Do you understand me?

What do I have to do? I'll bang my head on the counter…

Give me eight sausages to whip myself with.

Ground beef. How do you call that?

Does Germany have a Christian soul that can understand me?

-Monica, what's wrong? -Jameela!

Who sent you? You are Saint Jameela!

I want ground beef and she doesn't understand me, what should I do?

-Ground beef? -Yes, half a kilo of ground beef.

Ground beef, please.

-What? -Ground beef.

Ground beef. Half an hour…

-There you go. -Thank you.

You kept me there for half an hour, and now you say "bitten"?

I wish you get bitten! She was giving me a heart attack.

The delicious candies my grandma used to make are done this way.

You pour sugar like this.

This is so good! You're wonderful, I want to be with you forever.

This rubbish is bad for children.

-Why are you doing this? -Sweets are bad.

Children have a delicate stomach.

What about Gummy Bear? Isn't his stomach delicate too?

-Shut up, you. Shut up! -Enough! Let's do something.

Let's set the table. Monica made pasta with potatoes.

-Do you like it? -We have to go.

-Pasta and "cartoffe". -Potatoes.

-Mom, I want to stay with Monica. -We have to go home, I said.

Stop it. You can't treat her like this. Calm down, enough!

You are the one who is agitated. I am very calm.

I am going to leave you, yes! I am going to leave you!

Brighitte…

You can do whatever you want: beat me, abuse me…

But when you have to reprimand me, please, don't eat the sour kraut soup.

-The stink comes all the way here, Ciro. -Greta, come here now! Ottone!

I didn't want you to end up in the hands of a shylock

in order to buy my wedding dress.

A father who can't afford to buy his daughter's wedding gown,

what kind of a father he is?

And a daughter who puts her father into trouble because of a petty dream,

what kind of a daughter is she?

We'll fix this soon.

Mom, Dad…

We must tell you something. We are not exactly on our honeymoon.

No, nothing to worry about. We were supposed to go on our honeymoon…

But we didn't go there.

We are in Wolfsburg, in Germany.

Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, I didn't know that you were…

I'm sorry.

Either there were two or today it's very sunny!

Don't make noises, I must study because tomorrow I have an exam.

If it's anatomy, you'll get a very good grade.

I like to go deep into all that I do.

What are you doing here? Are you slacking?

We were…

-Good morning. -Good morning.

I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong.

They just had an innocent pajama party.

Then they're not very clever because they forgot their pajamas.

Move, let me clean.

What gives! What a mess!

It's not my fault. I didn't do it.

I'm drinking it. Don't worry.

-Monica! Where's my football uniform? -I washed it.

-What can I do now? -Federico…

-Federico Maria! -Must I say it all?

-It's his full name. -If they wanted to name me Federico,

they would have. But they called me Federico Maria.

Federico Maria…

Is that enough or should I also say his social security number?

Federico Maria from Berlin, you put it to wash yesterday.

Mamma, what should I do? I have a game.

-What will we do without Ronaldo? -I heard you, silly!

That dead cat you have on top of your head is making you stupid.

Saint Raphael, give me the strength to not pull his hair out!

I still don't know where the glasses are in this house.

-Three… -What are you doing?

-Two… -Then your mother…

-One. -No!

Mom!

Look what Monica did.

It was him, do you think I'd throw your egg on the floor?

-Mom, it was her. -It wasn't me, it's not true.

-Mom, I swear on your soul. -Get out of this house immediately.

Now!

All right, I'll go, it's not a problem.

But first, I want to do something.

I want to make some dinosaur scrambled eggs.

No… Fossils…

Write this on your schedule: at 07:00 p.m., we scramble your eggs.

And tell Rodolfo that I resigned and that I vented a lot.

Do you know who I am?

The fastest bunny in the old Wild West, try to catch me.

Try to catch me.

-And you? -What?

-A child. -That's just what we need.

I can tell you need that.

I just wanted to ask you…

Not about something in particular…

-But we were talking… -Ask.

How does it feel to be a mother?

-Do you love your mother? -Of course.

Imagine that you're on top of a skyscraper with your mother.

One must fall. Who would you pick?

-I don't know, it's a stupid question. -You're thinking about it.

Maybe in the end you'll go, but you thought about it.

What does this have to do with my mom?

Now imagine the same thing, but that you're there with your son.

-Me! -Right…

This is what it feels like to be a mother. You're meant to be a mother.

I understand… But I don't understand why.

You don't even let me finish my question.

Anyway, now is not the moment, I got fired,

I don't know what to say to Enzo, we are almost out of money…

-No children. -We aren't talking about money,

but about dreams. Your dreams will show you the way.

-You always say that. -I know…

Why can't I ever shut up?

Let's go.

-Can we eat now? -What manners!

-Come to the table. -Let's eat.

Hello?

Did something happen?

I think so.

-Who was on the phone at Amir's house? -Did you see? I noticed it too.

Every time we sit at the table, there's a phone call.

It's like if they do it on purpose.

And there's that empty seat at the table…

Let's not talk about this anymore, this thing worries me.

-Let's sleep. -You start a conversation,

you make me think, and then you tell me to sleep. How can I sleep now?

-Well… -Let's sleep.

-Goodnight? -Goodnight.

-Life… -Who's there?

-It's me! It's just you and I. -It's the fear, I'm scared now.

-I must tell you something. -Tell me.

-I got fired. -It doesn't matter.

I've been stupid and selfish, forgive me, Heart.

Mhm.

I want to thank you

because you remained calm, even though the news was harsh.

-We are growing up. -My Love…

Regarding this, I'd like to tell you something as well.

-That is? -I was fired too.

You couldn't make it, not even two weeks!

-What about us growing up? -Yes…

You're right, I'm sorry.

-Why didn't you tell me before? -I didn't want to make you worry.

Let's take the bus and go back to Naples. What are we doing here?

No, I want to go back to Naples, but on an airplane, and in first class.

How?

You always say that you shouldn't give up your dreams.

And now I don't want to give them up. We'll start fresh tomorrow.

You're right.

-Goodnight. -Goodnight.

He looks dumb, but when he says certain things…

I like him when he says, "My Love…

you should never give up your dreams." Too bad he doesn't do it so often.

Kim Kardashian, look at this ponytail and be ashamed.

Guys, listen to me, when I say it, use the…

wide formation! Shoot!

Shoot! Goal!

Great Idris! With a striker like you,

the wide formation always works, it's obvious.

Good day.

-Good day. -Hello.

-I only speak Italian. -Fine.

-Are you looking for help? -Come…

-Do you have any experience? -Ten years' experience.

Could 300 euros a week plus taxes be fine for you?

When can you start?

Now.

It's here.

Don't take advantage of the fact that I want my son to become a champion.

How much is it to enroll him in that tournament?

-Five hundred euros. -What?

I'm joking, Sergio, it's written there, look, 499 euros.

How do I know I'm not wasting money? Do we have any chance of winning?

-Sergio, we have already won. -No, I just lost 499 euros.

What do we care about the money? We are here now…

If you're on top of a skyscraper with your mother

and one of you must fall, which one of you would you throw off?

-There are no stairs? -No.

-And an elevator? -Not even that.

If you're on a skyscraper with your mother,

there are no stairs or elevators,

and one of you must fall, what do you think?

-What a shitty day! -Come on, who'd you throw off?

You're thinking about it, it means you're meant to be.

-To be what? -A mother.

-Me? -No, you don't understand.

Me to be a mother and you to be a father.

I could be a good father because I'd throw my mother off a skyscraper?

More or less…

-For now, I can't be a father. -Why?

-I won't throw my mom off. -I'll do it then!

Who told you this thing?

You have two options: or we have a baby or I throw your mother off.

-Let's have a baby. -Really?

-Just don't kill my mother. -We'll see.

-Your shatush was your fortune. -Not just mine, also yours!

Tomorrow, we have 22 reservations.

But we have to raise a bit for my commission.

-Again? -I want to go back to Naples.

-I won't let you leave. -We'll see about that.

Please.

It's for you…

What does she want? I'm working…

Hello, Monica?

-Life, where are you? -At work.

-I'm fecund. -Who arrived first?

You are so ignorant! Only you could say such things.

I did a test, I'm ovulating.

-Good. What should I do? -Come home.

-Later. -Now.

-Later. -Now!

-Later. -I said now!

I'm coming, don't worry, I'm already there.

-What? -Sergio, forgive me…

-Monica is fecund. -And who's first?

See? It's not just me, we are two jerks.

I must tell her this…

Never mind, it's not important, but I have to leave.

-Why are you still here? -Thank you.

-Go… -Thank you.

-You know I love you. -All right…

-Enough, Monica is fecund, not me. -Right.

Do your duty, carefully, without getting too tired…

Remember we have our tournament.

-Let me go… -Remember the tournament.

-Yes. -Call, if you need me.

-Also during… -No, later.

That's what friends are for.

From starry skies descending

Thou comest, glorious King…

-How cute! -Yes, they are cute.

A manger low Thy bed In winter's icy sting

-Do you know all the words? -In winter's icy sting…

-Let's go! -Aren't you coming for Christmas?

No, but we'll be back soon.

Enzo, you seem tired.

I'm fine.

I understand, Monica is making you tired trying to have a baby.

No! We'll be happy if it comes, but we are not stressing about it.

This is the first Christmas that we don't spend in Naples, doesn't it feel strange?

-No. -Aren't you a little sad?

A little hypochondriac? A little depressed?

No, why do you say this? Christmas is always beautiful, even here.

What do we lack here?

-We lack the eel. -Just that.

-Our Christmas sweets. -Just that.

-The nativity scene. -The nativity scene.

We are lacking San Gregorio Armeno.

Even San Gregorio Armeno… We are lacking everything.

Also that traditional pepper.

I never liked that, I never ate that,

but now I'd eat a whole plate full! Why do I miss that pepper?

Why are you doing this now?

How come all of a sudden you have Christmas depression?

I was fine before,

it's you who made me be sad about Christmas.

Why? I don't want to see Santa.

Go away, you're a fake… Anyone could tell you're fake!

Uncle Remigio makes a better Santa than you.

It's enough!

More…

-Look, how beautiful… -There wasn't any snow then.

-It didn't snow, it was warm. -I know, but we put it on.

We always put the snow on our nativity scene

and the ox and the donkey who keep the Holy Baby warm.

You'd like a heater better? You're ruining our nativity scene…

-It was summer. -But we can't place

the Holy Baby on a rock. Is this the little mermaid or something?

The nativity scene is our thing. Why don't you go?

Are you staying for dinner?

No.

No. Actually, do you know what? Time is up, you must leave.

Say bye to your daddy. Say goodbye.

Bye.

-Dad… -What?

How come I see you so little?

Because…

When grownups fight…

they are stupid.

Don't worry, you spend time with Mom and with Dad too.

Are we spending Christmas together?

Yes, I promise you that. We'll spend Christmas together.

-Bye, Daddy's Heart. -Daddy's Princess!

I always forget your royal title.

-Merry Christmas! -Fuck you!

-You don't want to do this. -It's obvious,

we just started trying to get pregnant, why did we come here?

Just to see.

-I mean, you're a little dumb. -Mhm?

I wonder if your spermatozoa are too. Maybe.

Relax, Life.

Try to calm down, try some "Breeding" technique.

-Is it your turn? -What? Yes, it's me.

Isn't this too big?

Do you have a smaller one? Or he'll get nervous.

If I can't do this, can I add some water?

Don't be silly, do what you have to do.

-Can you say "please"? -Go!

I'll wait here.

-Sit down, this will take time. -No, I know him, it will take a minute.

-So… -What are you doing?

What am I doing? You told me: "Do what you have to do."

You make me nervous,

you scare me arriving all of a sudden like that…

It's obvious that my spermatozoa don't move.

Why should I do this now? Should I still do this? I'll go…

-Done. -I told you.

-This isn't the biggest problem. -Then what is?

I promised Greta to spend Christmas with her.

Are you crazy? Why do you promise such things to a child?

-Her mother won't let you. -You're so comforting…

Now he promised it. They say… "Every promise is a sept."

Sept? No, is a debt. You don't know not even one proverb.

Anyway, Greta has the right to spend Christmas with her father

and with her aunt. I haven't seen her in a long time.

Ciro, if you don't mind, I'll talk with Brighitte.

-You'd better not. -Why?

I'll make her reason with calmness and tranquility.

-I'll pull out all your hair! -You witch!

What did you say? Speak Italian or I don't understand.

-You'll never see my daughter again! -I'll tear you down like a notebook!

-What did you say? -I'll tear you down.

-You'll need a ladder for that. -Shut up or I'll beat you up too!

-Polizei! -What did you say?

There's no need to get upset.

-I'll sue you! -I'll break you in two!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

-Kids, let's open your gifts. -Everybody freeze!

We will open the gifts when all the guests are here.

Monica, that guest is not coming.

My wife will never give me the girl for Christmas.

In that case, we'll go get her. You know how they say?

"If Mohammed doesn't go to the mountain, it's because he likes the sea."

This is what we say. Anyway, let's go get her.

I don't know about in Italy, but here this is kidnapping.

-Also in Italy. -And you end up in jail.

-Careful, we have the final soon. -Shut up!

We aren't kidnapping anyone,

we are just taking her for a couple of hours.

-How can we do this? -I'll take care of that.

-Where was she hiding that? -I don't know.

Hold this.

Come on!

Give me a hand.

Give me a hand!

Wait…

We can go.

Don't make so much noise!

-Come on! -He got hurt.

I got hurt.

-What is it? -I scratched myself.

-How? -It was the key.

-The house key? -Of course, this is my place.

Are you crazy? You have the key and you make us use the window?

I saw you doing that and I followed you.

-Let's "synthesize" our watches. -What?

-Let's "synthesize" our watches. -You mean synchronize.

-Yes. -I don't have one.

-I don't have one. -Me neither.

-What can we do? -Let's ask.

Who? How do we know what time is it?

-Let's leave. -I have to know what time is it.

-Why? Do you have to take medicine? -Yes.

-Really? -Yes, I have a schedule.

-What are we doing now? -Wear the balaclava.

I'm ready, let's go…

-What? -I was so scared that I went blind.

Your balaclava is backwards.

-Ciro! Is my hair fine? -Do you have a fashion show?

-Don't scare me. -I'm with idiots…

That skunk moved the sofa to block me out.

Thank God, I know her! I'll go get the girl.

-Numb her with chloroform. -Yes, I have it.

I don't see a thing, hold my pills, wait…

-How does this work? -Hold these.

Where should I put it?

-Next to her mouth. -That's too much.

Go. Careful…

-Yes, careful. -Careful!

My goodness! The eternal flames! What did she eat?

Ciro!

Look at him! Instead of a teddy bear, he sleeps with a sandwich.

Honey…

-He fell asleep. -Be quiet.

Ciro!

Give it to me, baby!

-Help me. -The police are coming, let's go.

-Give me a foot. -Monica…

Help…

-Go! Pull! -Go!

What did you do to me?

-Who are you? -Monica.

-And who am I? -A jerk that drinks chloroform.

Dad can't do this any longer, you have to wake up.

-Dad… -What's this thing?

I put it in bed to fool Mom.

See? Daddy kept his promise.

-I knew you would come. -Let's go.

If it wasn't for me, that I'm the boss and I made a perfect plan,

you'd be with your mom now. He is so heavy!

Do you like this?

How beautiful!

-What is this? -The Mother of fertility.

Thank you.

KEEP TRYING

Is this gift for me? You did it for you.

ALL YOU NEED IS ONE

-Do you like it? -Yes! Thank you, Monica.

DON'T GIVE UP

Twenty-seven, the bed-pan!

-Give it a shuffle! -All right.

-They rung. -I heard it. Who's there?

-Nabeer. -One beer for eight people?

I'm joking, come. Nabeer.

-Are you reading my text messages? -Me? No.

It's always better to mind your own business.

-What did it say? -"Mission not yet accomplished."

-Well… -What does it mean?

Thank God, there's an Italian pastry shop.

-That's true. -I couldn't eat anymore Stollen.

Let's go.

Wait…

-My Love… -What's wrong?

-Did you hear that? -What was that?

-Could it be that Jameela and Amir… -What?

Explode fireworks?

-Terrorists. -What are you saying? Shut up!

They are good people.

Did you hear?

-That's why they are always whispering. -Come, Life, let's go inside.

Why are you always minding other people's business?

Here comes the police!

I was telling her, but she doesn't believe me. Over there.

Where are you going?

-You have to go that way. -Where are they going?

Daddy's soul!

What have I done? Don't touch me or you'll wrinkle me, I'll do it myself.

Do you realize what you've done?

-Do you realize what you did? -What did I do, Chief?

I'm her father, don't I have the right to spend Christmas with her?

Using violence and force?

-It's not true. -Shut up!

-It was me who wanted to go with Daddy. -Be quiet!

-I'll beat her. -Calm down…

-Let go of me. -No, please.

What are we doing now?

I'll have to arrest you and wait for the judge.

-Okay, Greta, we're going. -Can I say bye to Daddy?

-No! -Ma'am? Please, come.

Go…

Chief… I know you're in charge, but…

-Can I say something? -Please…

Brighitte, if you're on top of a skyscraper…

-She wants to kill another mother! -Shut up, you confuse me.

If you and Greta are on top of a skyscraper

and one of you must fall down, which one would you pick?

Myself!

If you don't let Greta be with her father, it's like throwing her off.

What do you all have against me?

What did I ever do to you? I do my best to be a good mother,

but I always do wrong.

There is always someone who does better…

than me.

-My darling, I love you so much. -I love you, Mom.

-Me too… -What?

No, I… Nothing.

I don't want to press charges.

-But on one condition. -I knew it… That is?

Teach me how to make those wonderful candies for Greta.

Of course I will.

Your children are lucky to have such a mother.

When you will have them.

All's well that ends well.

-Please, go… -Goodbye.

Can't you open it?

-Do you want to come in? -No, we want to go to our place.

What's wrong, guys? Do you have problems with the police?

Us? What about you?

You are scared and the door won't open.

When you are scared, the simplest things become difficult.

I don't want to be mean, but…

-We are Arabs and therefore terrorists. -Frankly, I thought about it.

It's curious, you are from Naples but I didn't take you for a mafia boss.

He's right.

This morning, who was screaming in your house?

They are some friends who are secretly trying to bring our son Haatim here.

You have another son?

Yes, he's our firstborn, he's 18 years old.

-He disappeared the other night. -I sense that he's alive.

And he will come here.

Once he's here, he will find his seat waiting for him.

God willing.

-I didn't get that. -Shut up. Not now.

-I didn't get that. -Shut up!

Go on the side!

Help him get the ball, you must score.

Life, substitute him!

-He missed three goals. -He's my son.

He doesn't play well.

If you want him to play a sport, try swimming.

You'll do a favor to him, and also to us.

Stop him!

Wake up, damn it!

Let's not lose the final, come on!

GUESTS - HOME TEAM

Spread out…

-Monica, he's got a penalty kick. -Yes, I don't want to look.

It's a penalty kick.

Cheer up!

Goal!

-Yes! -He's scored with his hand.

-The hand of Allah. -Right!

Federico Maria from Berlin, take this!

Wide formation…

-Life! -Yes, My love?

-Heart! -Yes, My love?

-Heartbeat! -Yes, My love?

I'm ovulating!

-What? -I'm ovulating.

We're celebrating. I can't hear you! Hooray!

I'm ovulating!

-Monica… -I'm coming.

-Are you tired? -No, I'm fine.

-Are you okay? -Yes.

-Take deep breaths. -I'm not giving birth now.

-Brighitte, I'm fine. -Morning sickness or not, eat.

-I don't have morning sickness. -Let's put a pillow here.

-My goodness! Don't worry… -Maybe a…

Brighitte, I liked you better when you couldn't stand me.

Be quiet.

A round of applause for my son, Imaad, who turns 8 years old today.

And a round of applause for the baby yet to come.

Don't you have another pregnant lady to take care of?

Please, don't touch me so much. I'll give birth now, so this can end.

Don't you have anything else to do? My goodness…

Come here, you, little one.

What happened? Why are you upset? Everyone's laughing. Why don't you smile?

When you have a daughter, you won't care about me anymore.

What?

Of course, I'll care about you, you'll always have a place in my heart.

My daughter will have a piece and you, the other. Give me a kiss.

You are so attached to your city.

Aren't you sorry that your child won't grow up in Naples?

Who said we will never go back?

That is not the point. Africa, Asia, America…

She will always have Naples in her.