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This programme contains
strong language
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{\an8}SPENCER HUMS HAPPILY
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{\an8}Why are you so annoyingly happy
this morning?
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{\an8}We've got PE this morning
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{\an8}so I'm going to see all my football friends.
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Oh, right, like Tommy?
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Tommy's a break mate.
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A what?
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He's in the other class,
so we only see each other at break.
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So, what, you've got football mates
and break mates?
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And swimming coach friends,
skater friends,
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00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,840
some in the year above...
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OK, I get it,
you've got loads of friends.
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Well done, very, very pleased for
you. Congratulations.
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How come you don't really
have any friends, Dad?
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I do. Really?
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Cos you don't go out
that much. Like, at all.
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Well, it's different for adults,
isn't it?
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Like how?
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Well, I mean, I could go
out if I wanted to,
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like, all the time, but just...
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...sometimes I just, uh...
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...enjoy the comfort of being
near a toilet.
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Spencer!
Oh...
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You best go.
See you later, Dad. See you later.
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It must be your "walk you through
the gate" mate.
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Take care, mate. Have a good one.
Bye. Bye.
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I could go out.
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SHE SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT
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Can I... can I ask you a question?
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Oh, you want my advice now, do you?
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It's not advice. I just want
to know something. Right.
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Do you and Dan
have separate friends?
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Well, I've got my work friends.
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Dan's got her therapy lot.
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I've got my college mates.
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It's weird, actually, because
generally I find people unbearable,
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but they just fucking love me.
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Well, your life sounds amazing.
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Are you, uh... Are you worried that
you don't have any friends?
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No.
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I mean, I wasn't, until Spencer
asked me a question this morning
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that completely undermined
my popularity belief system.
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What's your WhatsApp situation?
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Situation?
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00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,240
Like, what groups are you in?
How many?
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I'm actually in loads of groups.
I don't think that's a problem.
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Are you? I'm in loads.
You're in loads of groups, are you?
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Yes, I'm in loads of groups.
I'm not saying it like a brag.
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That's fine.
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All right. So you're in
Claire's Christmas Works Do,
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Summer Kids' Club Plans,
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Claire and Jen's Halloween Piss-up.
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These are all Claire's groups.
No, they're not.
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I'm in the groups as well,
so how can they be Claire's groups?
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00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,640
Well, that's what happens, isn't it?
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They always add couples,
but then you only ever, like,
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interact with, um... with one.
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The other person is like a spare.
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I don't... I don't think that's
the situation with us.
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When was the last time
that you messaged someone in one
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of those groups and then
got a reply?
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Well, nobody... is sad enough
to keep track of that, are they?
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CHUCKLES: Well...
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I mean, Christmas was ages ago,
so that doesn't...
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You're looking quite far back
there, aren't you?
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Well, no...
HE SIGHS
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Face it. Everyone's picked Claire.
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Guess what.
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I actually have a date tonight.
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Really? Mm.
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So, where did you meet him?
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On an app, for single mums.
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Oh! OK, yeah.
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Yeah, I know, it sounds like
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the start of an abduction story,
doesn't it?
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But I just need to get out there.
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Don't tell Jonathan.
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Don't worry.
I'll keep it to myself.
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I mean, the guy's only just started
to be able to listen to Adele
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without a full breakdown.
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00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,200
Hmm... Have you managed to talk to
Courtney about having kids?
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Ah... Sort of gone cold
on that idea.
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How come?
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Well, I sort of bottled it the other
night and suggested getting a dog.
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Is she not keen?
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00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,440
No. She's still sending me articles
on how much shit a dog owner
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has to pick up per year.
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It's a lot.
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A lot... of shit?
Or a lot of articles?
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Both.
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HIGH PITCHED RINGING,
ECHOED LAUGHTER
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Thank you so much for inviting me
to live here!
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It's fine.
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Jonathan was such a spare!
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THEY GIGGLE
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No wonder he has no friends!
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I can actually hear everything
you're saying.
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Can you just please let me in?
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And now he's a spare in
his own family!
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I'm not a spare!
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He's such a fucking loser!
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I'm not a loser!
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Fleece-wearing twat!
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I'm not a spare!
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Oh, for fuck's sake...
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You're joking!
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HE SIGHS
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Did you know Keith is a dying name?
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I've been Googling it.
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Well, I guess it's hard to imagine
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somebody calling a baby Keith,
isn't it?
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Why?
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Well, you know, "Here's baby Keith."
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What you up to tonight?
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Uh, nothing. Why?
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I've organised a little team outing
with some of the back office lads,
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and you're coming -
no arguments.
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Um...
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Yeah. Great. Yeah. Thank you.
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Who exactly has confirmed to come?
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Am I not good enough for you?
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You just get yourself there
and I'll bring the party, yeah?
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OK. Who will be at the party...?
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00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,320
See you later!
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Who's a spare now, Courtney?
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Oh, still me.
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I've loved our work together.
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I mean, you have fundamentally
changed me.
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But you did the work.
Exactly!
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And now I'm ready to do more work...
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...elsewhere.
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Sorry?
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00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,680
So, there's this online therapist.
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Online? What, like Zoom?
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More like text.
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00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,200
Like a chat box. Would you call it,
like, a chat box thing?
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Oh! Text therapy.
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Yeah! Amazing, right?
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And, uh, it's free!
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Right!
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Deena sacked me because she's
getting free therapy via text.
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Wow, you can get free therapy?
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00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,240
That's awful.
It's bullshit, is what it is.
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You can't therapise someone by text.
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I suppose you can get divorced via
text, so why not get therapy?
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Oh, so you agree, do you,
with what Deena's done, sacking me?
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I don't know, maybe tech therapy
works for some people.
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Text therapists are charlatans.
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I bet they're not even
professionally trained.
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OK, upside - you never have to see
Deena again
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or hear about her awful mother.
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Downside - or receive her
£60 an hour twice a week.
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I mean, there is nothing I love
more than one of my clients
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00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,840
having a breakthrough, but
financially I could have done with
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00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,480
it taking another six months or so.
DOOR CLOSES
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Um, can you guys look
after Spencer tonight?
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Why?
Because I'm going out.
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Are you really going out?
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00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,320
Yes. Yes, I am. Yeah.
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That's great, Jonathan.
Good for you.
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That's a bit patronising,
but, yeah, thank you.
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On your own, or did one of Claire's
WhatsApp friends take pity on you?
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No, actually, it's just...
got invited out, you know?
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It's a bit of a...
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00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,600
...a bit of a boys' night flex.
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Oh, for God's sake,
don't say that when you're out.
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Did he have imaginary friends
as a child too?
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Be nice, OK?
This is a big moment for him.
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He's always struggled socially.
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Maybe it's because people talked
about him
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in front of him like he wasn't
there, that maybe did it.
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So, who are these friends, then?
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00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,520
Well, if you must know,
they're people from work.
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SHE LAUGHS
Shpeed Awareness!
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Wow.
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I mean, that is going to be
a wild night.
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What's wrong with people
from Speed Awareness?
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00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,120
Lock up your daughters.
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THEY CHUCKLE
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HE LAUGHS MOCKINGLY
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VIDEO GAME PLAYS
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JONATHAN CLEARS THROAT
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JONATHAN COUGHS
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Why are you in here?
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I'm actually off out tonight,
with some mates of mine,
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some friends that your mum
doesn't know, so...
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Great.
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So I think we can probably bring an
end to all of that chat about me not
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having any friends, cos obviously
I do have friends, so...
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Dad, I need to focus on this game.
Yeah, sure.
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00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:55,600
I'm just saying, it just sort
of feels a little bit inaccurate
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to say that I don't have friends,
when obviously I do have friends,
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00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,880
and I've sort of managed to kind
of cultivate a social circle
195
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,880
that doesn't involve your mum
or doesn't invo...
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00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:05,320
Well, it wouldn't involve you,
obviously. That'd be weird.
197
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,520
But it doesn't involve Auntie Dan
or... Dad!
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00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,680
Right, OK. Yeah, sure. No problem.
199
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,680
HE CLEARS THROAT
200
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,920
Wow! You look great.
201
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,640
Thank you.
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00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,960
So, I'm off out with
the Speed Awareness lads.
203
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,120
I'll see you later.
204
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,280
Um, can you do me a favour?
205
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,000
Spencer has not stopped gaming,
so I'd really love him
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00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,800
to have an evening away
from a screen, if that's all right.
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00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,000
Yeah, of course. Thanks.
All right, see you later.
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00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,680
Bye. Don't wait up.
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00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,680
PEOPLE SCREAM ON VIDEO
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00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,320
What's funny?
211
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,720
WOMAN, ON VIDEO: Oh, this is
the worst day ever! Fuck my life!
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00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,000
Courtney, what's so funny?
213
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,880
COURTNEY LAUGHS
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00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,120
Am I just talking to myself here?
215
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,000
LAUGHS: So sorry.
216
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:52,680
It's just this video of a bride
falling down the stairs!
217
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,680
I think she's broken her leg!
218
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,760
Right. What are you doing?!
219
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,600
We're having a tech-free night.
220
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,080
What? What do you mean we're having
a tech-free night?
221
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,440
Well, Jonathan doesn't want
Spencer gaming all night,
222
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,480
so we are going to engage.
223
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,200
Engage?! Yeah!
224
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,160
Well, what are we going to do?
Talk!
225
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,800
Oh, Christ.
226
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,480
DANCE MUSIC
227
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,080
Oh, God.
228
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,240
Hi, Keith.
You made it!
229
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,000
Yeah. Um... Where is everybody?
230
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,440
Uh, not sure.
231
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,280
A bit patchy on numbers
these nights,
232
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,680
but it only takes two
to make a party!
233
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,720
I mean, people are turning up,
aren't they?
234
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,200
Yeah, sure, sure, sure...
Sure, sure, sure...
235
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:46,320
Hey, first round of sambucas on you.
236
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:47,600
Sambucas?
237
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:48,960
Sambucas!
238
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,280
Look, please, Claire.
239
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,680
ON PHONE: Well, I am actually
on a night out myself.
240
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:55,960
With who?
241
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,280
Just... a friend.
242
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,000
Great. Well, while you're out with a friend,
243
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,840
I'm at Galactica with Keith
from work,
244
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,960
and I don't think I'm going to make
it out alive.
245
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,280
He's just ordered four sambucas,
he's calling it warm-up drinks.
246
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:08,960
He sounds like a legend.
247
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,560
Well, he's not a legend.
He's a prick.
248
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,800
We can swap if you want.
KNOCK ON DOOR
249
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,040
There's actu... There's someone
in here. Sorry.
250
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,600
There's actually someone in here.
251
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,040
Sorry.
252
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,200
Look, can you just call me and say
it's an emergency or something?
253
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:28,480
Like, there's been a fire
or... or a robbery.
254
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,640
Ask Dan.
255
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,760
Do you honestly think
you're the first person I tried?
256
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:32,960
This way, please, madam.
257
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,720
OK, I tried Dan,
she's not answering,
258
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,160
and I'd rather try Satan
than try Courtney.
259
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,320
Please, Claire.
260
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,520
Why can't you just say
you want to leave?
261
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,560
No, because I'm the only member
of the group.
262
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,120
If I leave, the night ends.
263
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,360
You're asking someone who's
so lacking in assertiveness
264
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,400
that you left him
to go up to Keith and say,
265
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,040
"Look, mate, I know I've got no
friends, but that's still better
266
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,840
"than your shit show of a night."
267
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,840
Right. OK, fine, fine.
I'll do it.
268
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,560
Thank you so much.
Uh... Ten minutes, yeah?
269
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,000
OK.
270
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,760
Justin.
271
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,640
My lady.
272
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,280
Wine?
273
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,760
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
274
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,160
I was telling people
in the regional meeting
275
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,760
most people still don't realise when
there's street lighting, it's 30.
276
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,080
Yeah. No, it's, uh...
it's bad.
277
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,120
PHONE VIBRATES
Oh, I've got a call. What...?
278
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:33,120
No, it's... I should...
No. No. No.
279
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,440
Well, OK...
280
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,640
Rule one of lads' night -
no women.
281
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,560
Well, I think I should probably call
her back cos...
282
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,560
Second rule - no phones.
283
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,840
OK. What if we need to phone for
a taxi?
284
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,080
Come here.
285
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,320
Come here.
286
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,480
I'll call you a taxi...
287
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,880
...at 6am.
288
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,760
Cos we're getting shitfaced.
289
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,360
SHE YAWNS
290
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,600
This is some tech-free fun
we're having here.
291
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,800
I'm so glad we're doing this.
292
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,160
Spence, are you OK?
I'm fine.
293
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,680
It's just all my friends are making
TikTok videos.
294
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,800
OK, well, why is that
upsetting you?
295
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,520
They're all posting them tonight,
296
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:23,440
and if I don't do any, then I'll be
left out at school tomorrow.
297
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,480
Well... what sort of videos?
298
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,320
Trick shots.
What shots?
299
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,040
Is that like the one with
the ping pong balls
300
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:31,000
where it bounces off
all the different surfaces?
301
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,360
Yeah! Just like that.
302
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,520
We could totally do that.
We could make one of those.
303
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,200
Can we? Totally!
304
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,960
Have we still got
the ping pong balls
305
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,280
from the One Night In Bangkok party?
Yeah, I think so.
306
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,480
Yeah, we'll just, you know, get
a bit of Dettol on them
307
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,160
and they'll be good to go.
Great!
308
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:45,360
This is amazing!
309
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,960
Oh, hang on a minute.
310
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,920
About the whole tech-free thing...
311
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,920
Oh, well, I mean, it is for Spencer.
Well, it is for Spencer.
312
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,680
Yeah, it's for Spencer.
Are you sure?
313
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,840
Yeah! Yeah, it's fine, isn't it?
Yeah, completely.
314
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,240
Yeah, well,
you guys get on with that
315
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,040
and I'll just go do some work.
316
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,360
Right, OK, what shall we do?
We need the dominos.
317
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,600
We've got the marble run there.
The marble run would be good.
318
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,320
It should be an ice cube into lemonade,
319
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,520
and I can drink the lemonade!
320
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:08,720
Or vodka!
321
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:10,960
For me!
322
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,760
When my wife moved out,
do you know what she called me?
323
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,280
Oh, no. No, I don't.
324
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,200
Boring.
325
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,640
Can you believe that?
326
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,160
No.
327
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,040
That's how it goes, innit?
328
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,200
You start out all silk stockings
and enthusiasm...
329
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,160
...and end up alone
330
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:39,000
surrounded by empty Pot Noodles,
in a bedsit...
331
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,720
...with holes in your pants.
332
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,640
Right! Now...
333
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:52,240
...are we going to hit
a strip club or the casino?
334
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:53,640
Yeah. Um, well...
335
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,080
May I join you?
336
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,840
Oh... Hey, you're a right sort.
337
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,960
There you go! Move up, mate.
Lady needs a seat.
338
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:07,360
A seat for the lady.
Oh! Why, thank you, why, thank you.
339
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:11,480
Hey... can, um...
we get you anything?
340
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,440
Wine? Prosecco?
341
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,760
Me?
342
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,320
I'm only joking!
343
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,840
But I am available.
344
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,160
OK. Well, uh...
345
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:28,320
...I was actually looking
for a gentleman to buy me
346
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:33,160
a, uh... Long Island iced tea.
347
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,040
Well, I've got something long
for you right here, baby.
348
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,960
What?! Don't talk to her like that,
please, Keith.
349
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,560
Who rattled your cage?
350
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,480
She's not some sort of hooker.
351
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,080
Well, don't say hooker.
No, I'm saying you're not a hooker.
352
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,680
No, it's sex worker.
353
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,280
Are you a sex worker? No. Oh,
my God. No, she's not a sex worker.
354
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,840
She's a... She's a nice lady
that we've just met. Yes.
355
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,000
A nice lady sex worker.
No. I'm a nice... lady.
356
00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:01,040
And this lady... says,
forget the drink.
357
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,080
Come back to mine... now.
358
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,560
OK. That feels...
It's unexpected.
359
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,600
Sudden, but...
Yeah, it's really quick.
360
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,360
...but that's what I want to do, so...
361
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,000
OK, well... ..if you could... Yes.
362
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,640
I mean, it's quite unorthodox,
but, yes, I accept your invitation
363
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,400
to your house, lady I just met.
364
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,160
Good cop, bad cop works again!
Yeah. Great.
365
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,680
Hey...
366
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,240
Mm!
367
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,080
Do Speed Awareness proud, son.
368
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,680
Oh, my God. Yeah, all right.
Thank you. See ya, Keith.
369
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,480
Oh, my God. Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
370
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,480
You just saved my arse.
I'm so grateful.
371
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,000
You're welcome.
No, like, honestly, thank you.
372
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,040
You were actually quite assertive
in there.
373
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,040
You were! I know, I know.
374
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,480
I was actually excited myself.
375
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,240
AGGRESSIVELY:
"Don't talk to her like that!"
376
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,560
Well, no, it wasn't...
Yes, it was. It just took me over.
377
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:47,800
It was a bit more like,
378
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,520
"Um, don't talk to her like that,
please. She's not a sex worker."
379
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,000
Like that. I don't sound like that.
380
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,200
"So, rein it in, mate."
"Rein it in, mate."
381
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,680
You're getting very northern, aren't
you? Have you been drinking?
382
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,960
Well, that sounded quite Jamaican, actually.
383
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,800
THEY LAUGH
384
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,400
But, yes, I have been drinking
385
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:05,280
because I'm going through
a terrible break-up, Jonathan.
386
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,600
OK. It must be horrible. Well, come
on, let's get you a taxi home.
387
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,160
It's the least I can do.
No, we're not getting a taxi home!
388
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:11,320
No!
389
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:15,480
I've cut short my first night out
in ages to save your arse
390
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,200
from that thing.
391
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,560
I think it might be nice if we go
for another drink. OK.
392
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,920
And there's literally no-one
else around, so...
393
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,080
Oh, well, thank you so much.
What a lovely invite.
394
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,440
Yeah, I will come with you.
Taxi!
395
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:29,680
"Taxi!"
396
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,080
You can't know what someone
really means
397
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,880
if they're not in front of you.
398
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,360
SHE CHUCKLES
399
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:40,400
But who is ever really in front
of you?
400
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,720
What?
That doesn't even make sense.
401
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,160
SHE LAUGHS
402
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,080
Of course it doesn't.
403
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:50,720
Why does this bother you so much,
Danielle?
404
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:55,280
Might it be because there are other
issues that are troubling you?
405
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,640
No. I'm not talking about me.
406
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,440
SHE LAUGHS
407
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,840
Aren't you?
408
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:05,840
I mean, sometimes our words tell
other people more than we know.
409
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:06,960
Yes.
410
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,640
Well, my words are telling you
you can't treat someone
411
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,000
via fucking text.
412
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,080
SHE LAUGHS
413
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:16,720
OK, now we're getting somewhere.
414
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,240
Just think about it for a second, Danielle.
415
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:20,920
You reached out to me.
416
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,880
Like, there's got to be a reason
for that.
417
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,400
What's the reason, Dan?
418
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,720
WHISPERS: What is it?
419
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,440
To tell you that you're full
of shit.
420
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,240
And now I'll throw in there
that you have a stupid laugh.
421
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,760
Oh!
SHE LAUGHS
422
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,520
OK.
423
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:37,920
OK.
424
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,400
So, this is, um...
nice, isn't it?
425
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,080
Two exes
having a comfortable drink.
426
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,400
SHE LAUGHS
It's nice.
427
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,480
It's fun. It is nice, yeah. Yeah.
It's not awkward.
428
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,000
Some people would say it's awkward,
but I don't think it is.
429
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,600
We could pretend we don't know
each other, if you want,
430
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,160
if that makes you feel better.
431
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,360
All right.
432
00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:01,200
Uh, that would actually be better
for me. So, who would you be?
433
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,840
Uh, Yvette.
434
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,720
Yvette? Mm-hm.
French?
435
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,400
Yeah. OK.
436
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,640
And who would I be?
437
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,080
You're, uh, Jean-Luc.
438
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,040
So, I'm French as well? Yeah?
439
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,800
Is that what you're saying?
440
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,560
I like it. Sh.
I think it's good. OK.
441
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,400
Je t'aime, Yvette.
442
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:27,640
OK. First of all, you sound
like a children's TV presenter.
443
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:31,120
Second of all, you just said
you love Yvette.
444
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,640
No, my name is Yvette.
445
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,440
Yeah, but that's "je m'appelle".
446
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,720
Oh, fuck. Well, Yvette's quite thick.
447
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,440
Yeah. I mean, she's shit at
languages, shit at her own language,
448
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:41,760
cos she's French,
449
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,560
but she hasn't yet worked out how to
say, "My name is Yvette."
450
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,400
Poor Yvette.
451
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:52,720
Um...
452
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,080
Can I ask you something?
453
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,720
Oui.
454
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,120
Did you... leave me because
I was boring?
455
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,040
I don't believe this.
456
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,840
You want to talk about things now?
Now we're actually having fun?
457
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,000
Yeah, OK.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
458
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,160
I thought you were going to say
something sexy.
459
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,520
I could say something sexy now,
if you want.
460
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,160
Go on, then. OK.
461
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,240
HE CLEARS THROAT
462
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,200
Oh...
463
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,960
IN FRENCH ACCENT: Oh, hello, Yvette.
464
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,600
Oh, Jean-Luc's back.
465
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,960
Oh, I'm Jean-Luc.
466
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,040
Oh...
467
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,800
Oh, Yvette!
468
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,360
Allo...
469
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,320
Shall we just...? Yeah, OK.
Shall we go? Yeah, let's go.
470
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:50,760
COURTNEY: Ready for this?
471
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,320
Go!
472
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,000
Good throw!
473
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,720
There we go. Here it comes.
474
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,160
Down the hatch.
475
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,080
Here we go! Here we go! Oh, my God!
Here we go!
476
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,040
Going good so far! Yes, yes, yes!
Yes, yes, yes!
477
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,960
Oh... Oh, it's there.
Oh, it's there.
478
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,040
Down it goes, down it goes.
479
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,600
It's almost there! Here we go!
Here we go! Here we go!
480
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,040
Yes! Drink it!
481
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,040
It worked! We did it!
482
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,520
That was amazing! That's TikTok
gold!
483
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,360
Let's watch it, let's watch it!
484
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,760
You're right.
485
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,800
You're right.
486
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,400
I think I do want kids,
487
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:31,320
but... I just feel like I'm wrong
footing her, you know?
488
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,200
I did say that I don't want children,
489
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,800
and now if I open it up again,
it's unfair.
490
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,040
This isn't a black and white
thing, Dan.
491
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,800
You're allowed to change your mind,
492
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,960
especially with something
as complicated as this.
493
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:50,520
Allow the flower of your
thought process to open up.
494
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,600
Thank you.
495
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,400
Honestly, thank you so much.
496
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,280
SHE SNIFFLES
497
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,280
Oh...
498
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,320
PayPal tips are welcome, so...
499
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,520
This video is the best and you are
literally the coolest kid I know.
500
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,040
I'm the only kid you know.
501
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,760
Yeah. Well, that's because all other
the kids are rubbish,
502
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,800
so you haven't got anything
to worry about.
503
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,680
You're the best, Auntie Courtney.
I am the best, aren't I?
504
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,680
You make sure you tell
your dad that.
505
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,920
You two are adorable,
but it's bedtime, Spencer.
506
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,120
Got it.
Night, mate. Goodnight.
507
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:30,880
So funny.
You're really good with him.
508
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,800
What have you been doing tonight?
I've been online.
509
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,320
Yeah, I thought I'd check out that
text therapy Deana talked about.
510
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:38,400
How was it?
511
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,560
Yeah. I mean, I told her what I
thought, gave her some constructive
512
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,640
criticism, and, yeah, I think
she learned a few things.
513
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,640
That's great. Listen, you need
to watch this TikTok video.
514
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,800
I want us to think about
having a baby.
515
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,080
Oh, my God, we're...
516
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,080
...we're not seriously going
to be having
517
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:59,560
this conversation again, are we?
518
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:03,040
Look, I know that I said I was happy
not to have them, but... Oh, no...
519
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,800
...I just keep thinking about it.
520
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,240
Also, seeing the way
that you are with Spencer.
521
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,840
No, yeah, do you know what?
You're right, yeah.
522
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,960
One evening making TikTok videos,
523
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,240
and, yeah, I am now ready
to have a baby.
524
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:17,480
Jesus Christ. I mean, is that
525
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,560
why you moved Jonathan and Spencer
in here? To, like, soften me up?
526
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:24,280
Of course not! It's actually been on
my mind for a while now.
527
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,160
Court, I just want to talk about
the possibility.
528
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,120
But we have talked
about the possibility.
529
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:31,720
We've talked about it endlessly.
And then we made a decision.
530
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,040
But now it turns out that decision
was just for that day
531
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,520
and, actually, what we need to do
is just, like, keep on talking
532
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:37,960
about it until we both fucking die.
533
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,600
You always do this.
You put your needs first,
534
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,320
you shut down any conversation.
535
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,360
What, I put my needs first?! Yes.
Really? Yes.
536
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:48,680
I let you put my phone
in the cupboard, for Christ's sake.
537
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,240
Oh! Well, whoop-de-fucking-doo!
538
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,600
Well, you've just, like, sprung
this on me
539
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,400
and because I haven't, like, reacted
the way you want me to react,
540
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,760
then, what, I'm, like, selfish or
something?!
541
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,200
I don't want you to agree
to having a baby.
542
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,280
I wanted you to agree to think
about having a baby.
543
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,560
Big difference.
544
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,080
Where are you going? To Claire's.
545
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,480
So you can think about things
for a little bit without me.
546
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,000
What, are you going to charge me
60 quid for that bit of advice?
547
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,880
Do you know what? Fuck off!
548
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,720
DOOR SLAMS
549
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:27,360
So, was that a question you asked
because you were worried
550
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,280
about ending up alone?
551
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,040
I just wanted to know
why you left me, you know?
552
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,360
Was I really that awful?
553
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:38,360
No! And it was me, too.
554
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,400
I just...
555
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,080
I couldn't carry on the way things were,
556
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,320
and I just... I couldn't see
how they were ever going to change.
557
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,840
But you're a good man.
You are.
558
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,640
I mean, you're a dickhead.
Yeah, sure.
559
00:24:55,640 --> 00:25:01,600
But, I mean, sometimes,
especially on nights like tonight...
560
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,080
...I do wonder if...
561
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,200
...you're one of the only good guys around.
562
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:11,960
Goodnight.
563
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,640
OK. I'm going to go... I should get
back. ..inside because...
564
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,800
I should get back. OK.
...I need to go inside...
565
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,480
Goodnight. ..cos that's where
I live. So... Thanks for tonight.
566
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,920
I'll call you. Yeah. Call me and
I'll receive the call and...
567
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,760
Yes. ..I'll respond. Bye.
568
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,040
Definitely.
569
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,440
MELANCHOLIC JAZZ
570
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,040
DOOR CLOSES
571
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:45,840
HE SIGHS
572
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:53,000
Oh, hi, Courtney.
This... looks quite sad.
573
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,680
You all right?
I don't want to talk about it.
574
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,040
Where's Dan?
575
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,000
She said she was going to stay
at Claire's.
576
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:06,680
What, my Claire? Why?
577
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,440
Does "I don't want to talk about it"
mean something different to you?
578
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,840
Well, did she say how long
she's going to be staying at...?
579
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:18,160
Is she actually staying at Claire's?
I don't want to talk about it.
580
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:23,080
All right, well... give it ten
minutes?
581
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:37,400
Dad. What are you doing?
582
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,880
I was just checking in on you.
583
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,440
How was your evening?
584
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:42,920
Yeah, good.
585
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,560
I made a video with Courtney and
some second hand ping pong balls,
586
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,640
so I won't lose any friends tomorrow.
587
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,400
Right. Have you been worrying
about that?
588
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:52,920
Why?
589
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:56,560
You'll get upset.
590
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,360
I won't.
591
00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,160
I was worried I'd end up like you.
592
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,120
Oh.
JONATHAN CLEARS THROAT
593
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,480
Well, see, I'm not upset.
594
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,960
Look, you're not going to end up
like me, OK?
595
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:12,280
I don't have any friends
because I don't want any.
596
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,520
But I want to be like you
in other ways, though.
597
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:15,960
Really? Like what?
598
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,680
Like...
Like the fact that you're...
599
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:21,720
Like...
600
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,240
OK. This is taking way too long for
it to mean anything.
601
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:26,600
Goodnight, mate. Dad...
602
00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,240
...do you want to come in?
603
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,160
Yeah, all right. Just for a minute.
604
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:37,040
Oh... This is comfortable.
605
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,120
Shall I just stay here tonight?
606
00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:43,160
I'd like that.
607
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:45,680
I should warn you, I've just had
four pints of water, though,
608
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,520
so it's highly likely
I'm going to wet myself.
609
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,760
If it starts to feel warm...
610
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,600
...get out.
611
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,680
♪ I know that I'm no Mr Perfect
612
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,000
♪ But I try
613
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,320
♪ Take my hand to Wonderland
614
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,600
♪ I'll be the man that you want me
to be
615
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,600
♪ Ooh, ooh
616
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,200
♪ To be, oh, oh
617
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,920
♪ To be here with you
618
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:26,360
♪ Yeah... ♪
619
00:28:26,410 --> 00:28:30,960
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