Original subtitles

Woman on PA: Attention shoppers, CBC guidelines

are in full effect.

Please prep social distancing while shopping.

Hey, you guys have any toilet paper in the back?

What you see is what we got?

Really, dude?

Dick.

You're fucking welcome.

Woman on PA: Please follow three arrows

to remain six feet apart at all times.

Woman on PA: Face mask must be worn at all times.

Woman on PA: We encourage shoppers to use

touchless payment options.

- Hey, man. - Sorry.

- Where's your mask at, bro? - Sorry. Sorry, man.

Who the fuck is this?

Listen, fuck you and your stalker bullshit.

Man on TV: And the stay-at-home order is that

most states have implemented.

Another state today issued

a stay-at-home order, South Carolina.

That brings the total number of Americans under such an order,

the total percentage to more than 97% of the country.

Still there are seven states

that don't have an order in place,

Arkansas, Iowa, North Dakota

Nebraska, South Dakota, Utah, and Wyoming.

You should know that Dr. Anthony Fauci

said this evening that Iowa and Nebraska

have instituted rules very similar to stay-at-home orders.

The other treat tonight, the treat to our front line

defenders in hospitals who tested positive for virus,

and the medical supplies that multiple governors

say they must outbid each other for.

Illinois governor said today that what his state is getting

for strategic national stock pile is, quote,

mere fraction what we asked for--

Jesus, what the fuc--

Get the fuck off me.

No, no, no, no.

No!

Help! Somebody!

No! Ah!

Oh, fuck!

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Okay.

Oh, come on.

Okay.

Okay.

Where's your mask?

Keep it on. We're about to get in the car.

I'm sorry. I didn't think I had to wear it outside.

Droplets can float eight feet in the air. Put the mask on.

Miri, I already ran through all my symptoms.

I've no cough. I'm breathing fine. No fever.

And I can still taste that garlic

from last night's linguini.

This isn't a joke, Parker.

Okay. Better?

This isn't a vacation, it's a quarantine.

A quarantine in style.

Dude, I need to know that you're serious.

I'm going home after this.

My dad won't make it if he's infected.

I am. Okay? Pinky promise.

But just relax.

We can still have a little bit of fun, right?

Right?

Maybe. If you're lucky.

Miri: Are you kidding me?

This is beautiful. It just sits empty?

Well, my dad comes up here once a year

to get drunk with his man-friends. Tsk.

I told mom to rent it out, but no go.

I stand corrected. This is incredible.

Sick. Disgusting.

And it's all ours.

The only neighbor is the Lyons' cabin,

which is about two miles that way around the lake.

So you don't have to worry about anyone or their droplets.

Holy shit.

Seriously, I'm speechless.

I told you. I know how to 2020.

Yo, is there a Wi-Fi password?

Um... Bookcase. Taped to the router under the stereo.

- Because I'm posting this shit. - Shit.

Dude...

This place is awesome.

I love this.

Hello, it's freezing. You said it's gonna be warm.

I said there would be sun.

It's April, you can't have it all.

To quarantine. Boo!

Oop, everyone's conversing about that guy in your Insta.

Benji.

I don't know, he's actually really cute.

And I would've kept him a little while longer

if he hadn't completely ghosted me.

- Is DJ mad about it? - Who cares?

Bitch, you care. You just don't want to admit it.

I don't care.

And if DJ cares, you know that's his own problem.

Okay.

Miri.

"Jump in. Water's fine." What the fuck? Who is this?

I don't know. I got one earlier on today saying, "Having fun?"

That's fucking creepy, Parker.

Parker: Could just be DJ using

one of his frat friend's phone.

He's probably just trying to fuck with us, right?

Hmm, I don't know, could be anyone.

Guess we both posted we were coming to the lake, so...

Okay, blocked. Problem solved.

...and really working closely with the state.

But we really have to make sure we can contact trace rapidly.

Obviously, you know, including yourself and Dr. Fauci--

Fauci, drink.

Great.

Ah!

So we have, uh, at taskforce level, we have--

Deborah Birx is kind of a babe.

Uh, Doctor Birx.

Okay, what sorority would you peg her for?

Uh...

Gamma Phi.

She loves her scarves, dude.

Uh...

Did you invite other people?

No, I told you I wouldn't.

Maybe it's like... Postmates? With the wrong address?

Not possible. We're the only people around here.

Who is that?

I don't know.

Why is he just sitting there?

I'll go see what's up.

Oh. Do not go out there.

Why, are you scared?

Yes, I'm scared. It could be Jason Vorhees out there.

Impossible. It's Saturday the 4th.

It's probably just one of my Dad's friends checking on us.

You know my Mom's paranoid...

Wait.

Parker: What?

Miri's not playing.

What?

Who's there?

I-- identify yourself!

Fuck it. Give me the knife.

Give me the knife.

Be careful.

Parker: Hello?

Hello?

Where'd he go?

I-- I don't like this...

Oh, my God.

DJ?

- What the fuck, you asshole? - Shh!

Why didn't you answer us before?

'Cause I'm on the phone. On the phone.

Oh. Sir, yeah, I appreciate the opportunity.

Um... if you need to see any more illustrations or designs,

I could totally...

Oh...

Yeah... yeah, no-- no worries.

Alright, have--

Hello?

What are you doing?

Trying to get an internship for the fall.

No, no, no... DJ, what are you doing here?

Oh! You came all this way to see me, DJ?

That is so, so sweet. I-- i-- it's so good to--

What the fuck are you doing in my house?

Okay, okay, okay.

I... just, I wanted to see you.

Why didn't you announce yourself?

'Cause I was on the phone, Your Highness.

Okay. And your mask?

I...

I thought you were spending quarantine alone?

- Alone with Miri, yes. - Hi. Yep, that's me.

Whose truck is that outside?

I-- I borrowed Jackson's.

Mine's leaking transmission fluid.

Okay.

You know you could've called or texted

before you just showed up here.

Well, you would've said no.

I would've said "no" because I wanted to be alone!

With me.

Look, are really going to make me leave?

After I drove all this way?

Fine! Fine!

If you respect the six feet rule and put your fucking mask on.

How'd you know I was here?

Your Instagram.

You're a compulsive poster, Parker.

And then, I remembered that time we came out here,

and I met your mom and dad...

I was feeling pretty nostalgic.

And... I was kinda hoping we could talk about some...

What do you wanna talk about?

Oh, well, you see, I could tell you, Miri.

But you'd have to get really, really, really close to me.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

What are you making?

I haven't named it yet.

Literally how people get sick.

We're too young to get sick. You should know that, Dr. Miri.

Young people are testing positive, too.

Spring break in Miami did not turn out well.

Hope I could have my own individual joint,

I might possibly partake.

Oh!

Okay.

The basement is calling.

What's in the basement?

So back home, we have all of these strawberry patches, right.

So you can basically pick your own strawberries

and then pay by the basket.

It's real nice.

So, my Aunt Libby's sister-in-law's cousin

has a niece who knew this lady

who pulled over to pick some strawberries,

and she had her newborn baby in her car with her, right.

So she gets out of the car

and she leaves the baby in the car seat with her milk bottle

and leaves the door open, so she can hear the

baby cries or anything.

Well, the mom, she's picking berries,

time goes by, and then it occurs to her

that the baby hasn't made a sound.

So she goes to check and you know what she finds?

She finds a snake in the baby's mouth.

What? Oh, God.

Yeah, and the mom freaks out,

and so she pulling the snake, but she doesn't realize

how far down the baby's throat the snake has crawled.

So when she pulls the snake out, the baby's insides come with it.

Baby intestines were everywhere--

Oh, my God. That's so fucking gross!

True story. Swear to God.

Yeah. That's anatomically impossible.

No, 'cause, 'cause...

I don't think a snake can crawl into a baby's mouth, right?

Well, hold on. No.

That's not true.

'Cause the-- the baby just had milk, right?

And snakes are attracted to milk,

and my Aunt Libby is a Christian who doesn't lie.

Miri: Okay, um...

Hate to break it to you, but

Aunt Libby's story is an old urban legend

that migrated from Europe which derived

from a folktale called the "Bosom Serpent."

Well, Miri.

Once again, your brain has ruined a perfectly good time.

Miri: I'm sorry to hear that because I had so much fun,

but I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, guys.

Yeah, I'm dead.

Hey, pancakes in the morning?

Miri: Oh, my God, he thinks he's getting breakfast...

So...

Yes.

Quarantine can be fun, you know?

You mean, yeah, it was until you showed up, uninvited.

Yeah, well, you know why I'm here.

I honestly don't, so say just...

you know, say what's on your mind or I'm going to bed.

Fine.

Hey!

Who the fuck is this clown?

Oh, God. Benji.

One of their roommates I coaxed out

of his room to come to the party.

So he was nice and hot.

Did you two hook up?

Well, okay, do you, like, care about this Benji dude or what?

It doesn't matter if I did or didn't.

We were never exclusive, DJ. I can do what I want.

And what you wanted to do was make out with a random dude

in front of three friends of mine that are

all addicted to social media.

Yeah, you wanted me to see this, Parker.

I'm sorry if I did something to offend you.

You're not sorry. You're not.

You want me to be angry.

And it's fucked up that you're constantly

trying to piss me off.

So you haven't hooked up with half of Pi Phi since Thursday?

- No. I haven't. - Well, you should have.

That was our deal, DJ.

We're not a couple, that's the message I'm trying to convey.

Yeah, but we have something and you know it,

or else you wouldn't be trying to sabotage it.

Jesus, why does everybody trying to

fucking analyze me all the time?

I'm not, I'm not. I just want you to be honest.

That's all I ask, Parker.

Okay.

There's something between us.

Yeah, and it's real.

- It's late. I'm going to bed. - Hey...

Um...

I'm sorry.

I know you drove all this way,

but you're not going to hear what you want to hear.

Okay.

I'll leave in the morning and...

Goodnight, DJ.

Damn!

It's okay.

How'd it go with DJ?

Nah.

Was he mad about the post?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you got what you wanted.

It's obvious. He loves you.

You should let him.

But you're not going to, huh?

Probably not.

You are text book, Parker.

You're shut off from anything close to a feeling.

You're emotionally distancing.

Thank you for the bed-time psychobabble.

Miri: It's fine, you can keep deflecting.

I'm gonna keep poking you because I love you.

Great.

Mañana.

I know you're just trying to help.

And it just...

It doesn't seem like it, but... I am listening.

Love you!

Get out of here.

Parker?

* I try to discover *

Seriously?

* That you gimme no reason *

* Why you make-a-me work so hard *

* That you gimme no that you gimme no *

* That you gimme no that you gimme no *

* Soul I hear you calling... *

DJ--

Shh-shh!

There's somebody in the house.

Where's your phone?

It's gone.

Mine, too.

- Miri. - Hey, no, no, no, wait, wait.

Can you get down from there?

- Yeah, yeah! - Okay. Okay.

Take the keys, I'll get Miri.

Go!

Miri! Miri!

No! No!

Miri: DJ!

Miri, go!

- Miri, go! - Okay.

Who is that guy?

I don't know.

Fuck you, dude.

Go!

Oh, my God! Where's DJ?

He's coming.

Miri: He's hurt. He's hurt.

Miri.

Miri, be ready to gun it.

Parker, be careful, okay?

Parker, come on!

Go!

Miri: He's onto us!

Fuck, let's go!

- Come on, Miri! - God, it's stuck.

Parker, it's struck.

Go!

Oh, my God. What's he doing?

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck!

- Oh, let's go! - This way!

Parker: Miri, go!

- Hurry. - Let's go! Let's go!

Ah! Go, hurry!

We need a fucking phone.

We need a fucking phone!

- We're trapping ourselves. - Trust me.

We used to do this when we I was a kid.

Fuck, it's stuck. Please help me.

Okay.

Why is he doing this?

I don't know. He's fucking crazy.

Miri: No!

Parker!

Fucking asshole.

What are you-- Parker?

Miri: Parker, I can't. I can't.

This is too high.

No, it's not. Just follow exactly what I'm doing.

Miri: I can't...

Okay.

Miri: Oh, fuck! Oh!

No. No!

Miri!

Oh, God!

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

Get off me!

Get off me!

No!

Parker! Parker, it's broken.

- Can you get up? - It's broken. I can't move.

It's not just one guy. There's two of them.

Miri: Where is he? - He's in the kitchen.

- Act dead. - Don't leave. Don't leave me.

You can do it. Do it now.

Okay?

Miri: Shit!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Mr. Lyons!

Mr. Lyons!

My God!

I'm going to give you to the count

of five to get out of my house.

Or I will shoot you dead, you understand? One...

Mr. Lyons, please, he's trying to kill me.

- We have to call the police-- - Two...

Mr. Lyons, my family lives in the house across the lake--

- Four... - I grew up-- Carly!

Your daughter's name is Carly and you used to take us tubing.

Uh... You're Miranda's kid?

We have to call the police, please!

- I need to use your phone. - Come on there.

Come on there, phone's this way.

Parker: Fuck! Get off of me.

Help! Help!

Ow!

Please help me! Stop. Stop! Help me!

Pamela: Oh, my God. Are you alright?

- What's going on? - He's trying to kill me!

Just one moment.

- Who's that man? - I don't know.

- Where's your mask? - What?

Your mask. You have a mask, don't you? Your mask?

No, I don't have a fucking mask.

Oh, then I can't let you in. It's-- it's not safe.

Are you fucking kidding me, lady? Please!

Well, let me check, I may have an extra.

Parker: Lady, please.

Yes, okay, here.

Put-- put this on!

It's-- it's sterile.

Woman: Okay, hurry up, get in.

Parker: Unlock the door!

- Unlock the door! - Okay.

Drive, please, lady.

This mask...

smells like...

Chloroform?

Parker!

- Where do you want her? - Over there.

Ah!

Pamela: Okay, hold still.

Pamela: Okay.

Now we wait.

Where's Jeb? Where is he?

He's in the kitchen.

Pamela: Oh, no, no, no, no!

Man: That boy in the kitchen...

he's my son,

and you killed him.

Pamela: She did a lot more than that.

Do you know why we're here?

That video is compliments of @LoriLegs21,

#EndOfTheWorldParty,

#FuckedUp, #CovidOnMyFace.

#2020SucksDonkeyDick. #FuckCovid.

She's not figuring it out.

Pamela: Did you enjoy the party, Parker?

Jason: Do you even remember it?

Do you know the boy you were kissing?

Benji?

Pamela: Just Benji?

Benji is just some guy we met at the party.

Pamela: You're very intimate with someone that you just met.

Parker: So what?

I made out with some guy at the party!

I don't even know.

It didn't mean anything!

Maybe not to you.

So selfish your generation.

I mean, heaven forbid you miss a keg party or-- or spring break.

Who the fuck are you people?

That boy that you were kissing, Benji,

he-- he's my youngest son.

He was one of the seven people you infected at that party.

- Was? Pamela: Three days ago...

Benji died alone in a hospital bed.

But, I don't...

I don't have it.

Jason: I told you she wouldn't admit to anything.

I know, show her the test. Show her the test

Honey, it takes a few minutes.

You people are fucking crazy.

- And you're fucking dead! - No!

Pamela: How does it feel

to not know when you're gonna get your last breath?

To feel like you're going to die, scared and alone?

How does that feel?

It could've been anyone. I...

I'm not sick--

You infected that party!

We even did the tracing and we found the man who gave it you.

Tyler Murphy.

But don't worry, we took care of him.

I'm not sick! I don't have COVID!

Well, you're positive.

You're asymptomatic.

Pamela: Oh, no, no, no...

Don't cry.

Take responsibility for your selfishness.

This didn't have to happen.

I mean, where was your fucking mask?

Where was his?

This is your fault!

It's your fault, you hear me.

You did this!

Hon, your mask.

What about DJ?

And my friend Miri, huh?

What did they do?

Pamela: Well, per CDC guidelines,

you were meant to quarantine alone,

so that is on you.

Jason: What the hell?

Pamela: What? What is it?

Jason: Someone's using the Wi-Fi.

Pamela: It has to be the friend.

- She's dead. - Make sure. Make sure.

Jason: Goddammit!

Oh!

Oh, my God!

You don't want Miri.

You want me.

She doesn't deserve this. I do.

Wow! Look who suddenly found some integrity.

Please, you can do what ever you want with me.

Just don't hurt her.

How do you think you're going to get away with this?

The police will find you.

Your fingerprints,

DNA is everywhere.

Pamela: Irresponsible girls can cause irresponsible

fires that burn down the house.

Fires happen all the time.

It's tragic.

We have to go.

Parker: Shit!

Come on. Okay, this way.

Where the fuck are you?

Pam!

Pamela!

Let's go!

- They destroyed the cars. - Doesn't matter.

Come on!

Be calm, it's okay. It's okay. We're gonna be okay.

We're gonna be okay.

We're gonna be okay.

Okay! Fuck!

Keys are in it.

Hit the door.

- Careful. - Okay.

Parker: Try and start it.

Alright. Battery's good.

Miri: This is not working. Battery's not working.

Parker: It might need fuel.

Got it.

I'll fucking kill you!

You killed him!

You killed him!

Get out there. It's all your fuckin' fault!

I said I was sorry!

Miri, Miri. Miri!