Original subtitles

Put a shirt on.

I don't want her to see your scars.

It's not my weekend.

You think I don't know about his scars?

Who do you think cleans them up when you're not around

and distracts him so he doesn't cut himself to death?

I'm hungry.

I made pancakes this morning.

I need you to watch her.

She's up for a lead in a movie.

A western.

Westerns are for white people.

If she can be my mom, she can play anyone.

You should be supportive.

Bring these upstairs

and give this one to Miss Belichnikof.

You can eat with her.

Knock several times. Her hearing is worse now.

I'm doing this for her, not you.

You look good.

I told you, I have an audition.

I'm not watching her on your weekend

so you can go on a date.

It's not a date.

You figure if they want to nail you,

you'll get the part?

This is why I hate you.

Why'd you come over?

-I came-- -To get your fix?

So you could get that freshly fucked look?

I came over so you could watch her.

Should we do it here?

I'll move the pancakes.

Why is it so important to you

to make me feel like shit?

-I'll watch her. -Mm-hmm.

-Okay? -Mm-hmm.

I'll watch her.

And don't make her see you do that.

Have you asked me how I'm doing for a change?

How you doing?

I want to go get ice cream.

Fine.

That's it? Fine?

You want an argument?

I want something.

At least Mom tries to engage me,

you just follow me around

trying to erase all traces of my existence.

There's no ice cream in here.

Keeping it cool for my dad.

Hey!

Misha's no dad.

He just knocked up a hot white girl

and made you.

That's actually the biological definition

of being a dad.

Does he pick you up from school?

Ever ask you how you're doing?

Misha's no father.

He can change.

Even my sister knew he couldn't raise you.

Why do you think she adopted you?

She always has a soft spot for lost causes.

Why is it so important to you that I hate myself?

Hating ourselves is what fuels us to be great.

Why do you think your dad's invincible?

Nothing anyone can do to him

is worse than what he does to himself.

Wanna see the dance I'm doing

for the school show in the fall?

-No dancing. -I got a solo.

Okay, so it ends like this.

Watch.

- Teach me that. - I can't teach it.

You can either do them or you can't.

Do it again.

I came to pick up Brooklyn.

I don't have time for this.

No.

We were up late watching a movie.

Let her sleep.

I hate you.

And me.

For wanting this.

I'm not such a bad guy.

But I need more than this.

There is nothing more.

There is when you dance.

I don't dance. I'm not gay.

Just do it fast and come.

Wait, wait, wait.

I want your ass.

You know there's no anal from me.

Ever. Maybe you are gay.

- Don't. - Why?

Are you gay, fighter man?

I'm not gay!

You can't go five minutes without triggering him?

Just being alive triggers him.

No weakness.

That's why you're drawn to me.

And that's why I left you.

Let's go.

Nudge your couch, then tilt the screen

Everyday the same routine

Once it's all aligned, I'll be okay

Move the carpet to the right

Taking orders every night

Just to make these voices go away

Take a shot

A bit of calm, Amen

Take a breath before I scream again

'Cause I hate the way I feel

Wish I could erase all of the memories I hide

The mess inside

I try to put things in a line

'Cause maybe I'll be fine

If I can keep it straight

And straighten out the mess inside

I make a cut, a small incision

It's not a suicidal mission

Just a way to let this feeling out

Oh, and then, fuck yes, a small release

For a second I'm at peace

It's like I'm in the cage again

The chaos drowns the fear and doubt

Feel it bleed, some kind of ecstasy

Try forgetting what's inside of me

And I love the way it feels

Letting me believe

I can escape the rising tide

The mess inside

But all at once I feel betrayed

'Cause dammit I'm afraid

No matter what I've tried

I can't escape this mess inside

Some things you bury deep

You vow to forget them

You swear you can let them go

But no, they stain your very soul

Like you are less than whole

Scars on top of scars

And it gets hard to know what's really even me

I can't go on like this

Fighting myself

Hating myself

'Cause I want to feel control

Want to one day feel a sense of peace

A sense of pride

And I won't hide

I won't be crippled by the shame

'Cause I won't be to blame

This time I've had my fill

I'll kill the part that haunts me still

I'll cut until that part of me has died

The mess inside

My mess inside

I need another prescription.

Can't keep doing this, Misha.

Just two weeks' worth.

All I've done is enable you.

Here's someone.

She's retired,

but she'll see you as a favor to me.

Dr. Casper?

She's gonna give me the prescription?

That is the prescription.

To go see Dr. Maxi Casper.

- For medicine? - For psychoanalysis.

A shrink? Absolutely not.

And this-- this address.

Fire Island. Is this a joke?

She's retired. She lives there now.

They're all gay there. I can't go there.

Then I can't help you.

Then send in a new doctor.

I did. Dr. Casper.

Go see Dr. Casper.

And by the way, I put a note in your file

so no pharmacy will fill your prescription.

The open house is over.

I'm looking for Dr. Casper.

Number five.

There's no house numbers here.

Aren't you supposed to be a woman?

It says "Maxine."

I call it the hall of mirrors.

I'm not letting you examine me here.

Take me to your office.

Here we examine ourselves.

To see the past we hold inside.

There was a house where you could be free

Far from the world where the pines meet the sea

Men could hold hands there and kiss without fear

Paradise found, that house was here

There was a time they called us sick

Deviant men they could torture and kick

Living a shame through no fault of our own

Hiding away, always alone

But here on this island, a fantasy grew

A homeland for queens and for queers

With boardwalks and speedos and lesbians too

Where riots and raids

Where Stonewall and AIDS disappeared

Here in this house history's alive

Memories of all those who didn't survive

All of these walls have seen joy

Have seen pain

They know our fight

Wasn't in vain

Close your eyes.

-I don't have time to-- -Close your eyes.

First position.

Here in this house

Here in this light

I don't know what it is

But it feels right

Something is stirring

A taste before dawn

Memories of joy I thought were gone

There was a time All of this time

They called us sick I felt sick

Trapped in a world Trapped in a cage

Where they torture and kick

Living a shame

But I want something more We wanted more

Something I lost back from before

We were lost but now here on this island

A fantasy lives I don't know what it is

A homeland for those cast aside

But I feel like

A place without shame for the people

Who give you their hearts In my heart

Who swell with pride I can tell

Here I'm less of a mess inside

I feel it here.

The way I felt with Sergei...

my ballet teacher, be--

before he...

Sell me this house.

It's not for sale.

The sign outside said it was.

It's for sale only to a gay man

who stands for what we believe in.

I am gay.

But still in the closet?

I'm afraid that's worse.

Name your price.

You said you came here for treatment,

not to buy a house.

I don't need treatment.

I need to own this house.

-Own this room. -Why?

I need this house, I don't know why

I know it's bizarre

But I swear I'm your guy

I know I'm far from ideal at first glance

But I can be more

I want to be more

Please give me a chance

I can pay in cash.

For us,

Fire Island is like America was to the pilgrims.

Or the millions of other immigrants

that nobody wanted.

A place to be ourselves

where we can live as we believe out in the open.

Though you talk of money,

your life is a lie.

I'm afraid my answer's still no.

Then why show me this?

Why make me want it?

That's a question for a psychiatrist,

not a gay man selling a house.

But you are a psychiatrist. Dr. Rubin sent me here.

You?

You're Dr. Maxine Casper?

Everybody calls me Maxi.

Misha and Maxi.

M&M.

Fate has a sense of humor sometimes.

This can't be right.

You're the psychiatrist, not... her.

You're wearing too many clothes for Fire Island.

What are you hiding?

I'm not like you.

You're like you think I am.

Hiding in disguise in women's clothing.

I need this house.

I need what you've created.

What we've created is a way of life,

not just a house.

I'm willing to live that life.

Then I'll make you an offer.

I'll rent you the house

for the summer while Maxi treats you.

I need to own it.

You have until Labor Day.

If with Maxi's help by the end of the summer

you convince my neighbors

you can live an open, honest life

as a gay man, then, and only then...

I will sell you the house.

If I'm living as an openly gay man

by Labor Day,

you'll sell me the house?

You can move in full-time for the summer next weekend

after Maxi and I move to our new house.

Full-time?

It's the only way to join the community.

To see if you can become part of our fabric.

Fine.

Next weekend.

That was quite a performance.

I've gotta have it.

It's like...

coming home to a place I've never been before.

Well, the heart does want what it wants.

I had a mentor who once said,

"We all have a sacred space,

the one place where we are truly alive."

Some of us never find it.

Of course, his sacred space was a basement laundry room

on East 93rd Street,

but that's another story.

You talk a lot for a shrink.

My sacred space

is inside my patient's thoughts.

Even when those thoughts are lies.

We can meet three times a week.

And you've got to wear more appropriate attire.

Show some skin.

I want to see those scars.

And maybe then I'll write you that prescription you want.

I'm Rush.

I'm one of the neighbors.

Mr. Osbourne said we were supposed to come over

to judge you-- I mean, welcome you.

- It's not ready. - Oh, sure looks ready.

Oh, it tastes ready, too.

I mean, I'm getting so hungry these days.

It's like I'm going through a second childhood.

Except I never finished the first one.

You're staining the tablecloth.

Stains are a good thing

and that's why God invented stain remover.

Stain remover doesn't work.

It does if you use my secret ingredient.

I'll bring you over a bottle after we finish our rehearsals.

- Rehearsals for what? - Smells good.

I need something in my mouth right away.

What you need I don't have time to give you,

but I need a drink to wake up.

Rehearsal for what?

Are you the new guy?

From Queens?

- The Bronx. - You sure?

Mr. Osbourne said Queens.

You want a drink?

I need a drink, like, five minutes ago.

Hey. No, absolutely not.

No ma'am. No ma'am. Go put something on.

He also said you're a dancer.

Fighter. Uh, try to contain the mess.

No, he definitely said a dancer.

Oh, that's see through.

Um, do you have any coffee for Mr. Fahrenheit here?

- He needs something to wake up. - Shoes.

Fahrenheit, get your feet off the table.

Oh, don't waste your breath on him.

He has a massive hangover.

You see how he always uses the word "massive"

to refer to me.

We should sit down and eat.

I will help you clean it.

We will return it to its virgin state.

Sit down, Queens.

One of these will make you forget all your troubles.

Make sure you compliment him.

You'll have a friend for life.

Welcome to Fire Island.

No extra virgins allowed.

Let's go, it's rehearsal time.

Mm-mm. Not here.

Mr. O always lets us rehearse here.

He said you were trying to fit in,

so why are you questioning us?

Not here, no dancing.

Every Labor Day weekend

there's this contest down at the docks

and this is the year we're finally gonna win.

Here. We'll show you.

They used to say that gay meant being happy

But most of us were closeted and sad

But here we found a place

Where being gay's not a disgrace

And the men are flaming hot

I'd say it's not so bad

Beautiful gays wherever you look

All of the strays the world rejected

Beautiful gays who know how to cook

Some are cliche Some unexpected

Sensitive men who listen to you

Sensual men who want to do you

A beautiful face is fine

But let's raise the bar

Beautiful gays are guys

That love who they are

Beautiful gays who know how to smile

So many ways to woo you, charm you

Beautiful gays just dripping with style

Graceful chasses that will disarm you

Sensitive souls to spend the day with

Sensitive holes that you can play-- ah

Beautiful both on the out and on the inside

Beautifully gay means you radiate pride

Really?

We've been doing that step for three years.

It's always on the left. Always.

I'm sorry. Let's just start over.

We can't start over at the contest.

You need to get it.

It should be to the right.

What?

Yeah, we always do it to the left.

Follow me.

He's right. It is to the right.

As was my natural instinct.

As it usually is.

I am at a loss for words.

That's a first.

It was better than sex.

Let's take the advice

of the extra virgin from Queens.

Let's show him our Singing in the Rain parody.

I think he has good advice.

Shh! Dancing.

Five, seven-- uh, eight.

All I do is dream of Stu the whole day through

During gym I think of him but what to do

Chances are he's probably straight

Guess I'll just go master--

Being in the closet, not great

Look, he's gay, look, he's gay

Get this queer out of here, go away

I'm sobbing in the rain

Just sobbing in rain

What a horrible feeling, rejected again

Make 'em pay That's right

Make 'em pay Oh, I will

All the bullies who got in your way

Get outta here They called you names

You suffered a lot Yes I did

But now you're tying the knot

Gary and Larry are planning to marry

But Gary Said Larry precariously

It's scary, I'm wary

Said Larry, but Gary said on the contrary

Not me

Gay morning, gay morning

We're out it's time to shout

Gay morning, gay morning to us, to us

Gay morning, gay morning

We're proud so shout it loud

Gay morning, gay morning to us

To us, to us, to us, to all the beautiful gays

Are you kidding me? Why are you facing us?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

You need to calm down.

Beautiful gays are bells of the ball

Here to amaze you and astound you

Beautiful gays are friends above all

When you lost your way, it's them who found you

Sensitive hearts you can complain to

Sensitive butts to entertain, ah

Beautiful both on the out and on the inside

Beautifully gay means you

Wear it with pride

Go ask him.

If you join us, we can finally win.

- I don't dance. - You just did.

You were doing it wrong.

And you just had to correct it

because your gay ass

couldn't stand to see it performed wrong.

I don't dance.

You imitate someone who does pretty well though.

Why does it matter?

Ever since grade school,

I was always the fat, ugly kid who never won.

Ew.

With you, we can actually win this thing.

And those queens on the Fire Island Crew

will finally have to suck my dick for a change.

I thought Mr. Fahrenheit sucked your dick.

That bitch? He can't give head for shit.

The pretty ones never can.

I just pay him to hang around

so people think that I can get a boy like that.

Yeah, he uses me to compensate for his shortcomings.

And believe me, they're short.

You're gonna dance, Queens, and make us win that contest.

-We do need you. -For what?

To win.

Why does a contest matter so much?

When you want something for 20 years,

you feel like there's something wrong with you

if you never get it.

Harder.

Oh, you're training like a pussy today.

Or like a little girl named Brooklyn.

I'm quitting.

You might as well quit breathing.

- Continue. - I'm quitting.

Continue.

You're gonna quit on me like everyone quits on you?

I got you the pills. Didn't you see 'em?

I can't take any more pills.

You can't quit.

It's not up to you.

I do what I want.

You can't because you won't.

The fighting life is a deal with the devil

To unleash the rebel inside your cage

The fighting life is the dark side of heaven

A place you can revel inside your rage

The fighting life is a heartbeat racing

A fear worth facing to feel alive

Tortured souls where demons are hiding

Need to be fighting to survive

Broken, you are broken, Misha

No one wants you

Here, there is glory

You can fight what haunts you

The fighting life is a shot of adrenaline

High like you've never been high before

Taste the blood you're caught in the heat of it

Punch to the beat of the drums of war

The fighting life is my deal with the devil

To unleash the rebel inside my cage

The fighting life is the dark side of heaven

The place I can revel inside my rage

The fighting life is a shot of adrenaline

High like you've never been high before

Taste the blood you're caught in the heat of it

Punch to the beat of the drums of war

The fighting life is a deal with the devil

To rise to the level of king of the cage

The fighting life is the dark side of heaven

The place you can revel inside your rage

Misha, you're messed up like the rest of us

But you're the best of us

You don't crack

I know all the darkness you're hiding

You'll keep on fighting it

You'll be back

I need you back

Your mother got that part...

so you're stuck with me.

-Now pack. -No.

Listen, Brooklyn.

I need to tell you something.

-That you're gay? -What?

It was a joke.

You know, like, if this is the premise for a movie

where the father takes his daughter

to Fire Island to reveal to her that he's gay.

I'm not gay.

I know.

I've seen you with mom.

I mean, not seen you, but you know what I mean.

-Can you keep a secret? -Me?

Are you really asking that?

I need you to pretend I am gay.

What?

Just while we're on Fire Island.

Oh, my God. This is like a movie.

Except it's a bad movie.

I don't think I want to know the answer to this,

but why do I have to pretend you're gay?

So I can buy a house.

How is being gay gonna get you a house?

This makes no sense, even for you.

The guy won't sell to me unless I'm gay.

He gave me until Labor Day to prove that I am.

So you're gonna pretend to be gay to get a house?

Wait 'til you see the house

and the hall of mirrors.

What's in it for me?

A summer on Fire Island.

I want a summer in New York City

with my friends.

How about, um, me not murdering you?

I'll tell you what I do want.

In exchange for me pretending that you,

the straightest man I ever met, is gay...

you're gonna teach me to do a pirouette.

No.

Fine.

I'll teach it,

but I can't make you learn it.

You'll find a way.

That's why they made you a dad.

And I can teach you to be gay.

I don't need your help.

- Says who? - Me.

I bought a new hat.

You're gonna need more than a hat.

Remember when you were little and we'd play dress up?

Yeah.

We'd pretend that we were pirates

Just by putting on a hat

Now my role to play is someone gay

I bend my wrist something like that

Please don't I'll tell them

I've been in the closet

It was dark and cold Oh, was it?

Yes and now I'm ready to come out

Somehow I doubt that Please

They'll eat it up and you should too

I've lost my appetite

Well boo-hoo

It's only just pretend

I know exactly what I'm doing

Doo, doo, doo

So you can just relax, kid

It's all as simple as

The pancakes on your plate Wait, what?

We need to keep our story straight

And by straight you mean gay?

Yes, I mean gay Pretending you're gay

We get it, okay? Okay!

Your references are ancient

Oh, yeah? Outdated and offensive

Come on I know you think you know

But what you know is not comprehensive

Gay culture isn't just RuPaul

Who's that? Oh, boy, okay start small

There's not just gay or straight

There is a spectrum Like a rainbow

Yes, there's trans, there's bi, there's queer

Oh, my, I can't keep up You have to try

It's more than just pretend

You've got no clue what you are doing

Doo, doo, doo

So you should listen up, kid

We've got a ways to go to get you up to date

You need to get your story straight

Fine, so help me get my story straight

Okay, don't try to fake your physicality

Or talk a certain way

You can be tough and buff and full of scruff

And still be just as gay

It's more about what turns you on

For some it's brains, for others brawn

Just try to keep it straight

So they can know which side you're on

-With me so far? -I think so.

You've got jocks and twinks with daddy kinks

Cubs and otters, wolves and bears

Jeez, what's with the animals?

Well, it tells you how much body hair

How do you know all this?

I go to public school in New York City.

-Now focus. -Okay.

-Okay. -Now what?

You go!

Don't try to fake

My physicality

Or talk a certain way Keep your

I can be tough and buff

And full of scruff Story

And still be just as gay Straight

It's more about Don't mess it up

What turns me on

For some it's brains Or you will wish

For others brawn You tried

Just try to keep it straight

So I can know Keep it straight

Which side I'm on

Gotta try to keep it straight

Try to keep it straight

Gotta try to keep it straight

Because it's more than just pretend

You've gotta work I've gotta work

At what you're doing At what I'm doing

Doo, doo, doo

So you can level up, kid So I...

It's not so simple

So you need to concentrate So I need to concentrate

We need to keep

Your story straight My story straight

What do we need?

Need to keep

Your story straight My story straight

And by straight we mean gay

Pretending I'm gay This could be a mess

I was just gonna say

We need to keep our story straight

Let's play a little game.

I'll say something

and you say the first word that comes to your mind.

- Fine. - Gay.

Weak.

-Rush. -Soft.

-Cut. -Search.

Dance.

Gay.

Time's up.

We need to keep going.

Our time is up.

-I'll see you on Friday. -No, no, I did what you asked.

-I answered your questions. -Yes.

We made progress

and we'll continue on Friday.

You can't expect me to feel like this until Friday.

Oh?

Like you didn't get to come?

I'd like to be gay.

I could kiss a girl.

-This is important. -Being gay?

How I've been living in the closet

and you only just now found out.

So does it bother you that I'd be gay

or that I'd pretend to be gay?

Both.

Neither.

Just stick with the program.

Please.

What have you done?

You've ruined them.

Now I have to start all over.

Dad, it's fine. I'll eat them.

You know, you can't pour the syrup

directly on the pancake stack.

Only once the pancakes have been transferred to your plate.

Sorry, I've been living with a normal person.

It slipped my mind.

Good morning all.

I baked croissants.

Not actually from scratch.

And I actually used the microwave...

but you've got to try them.

-Who are you? -I'm Brooklyn.

And that's my dad, Misha.

-He's gay. -Is he?

You're basically exactly his type.

Oh, how long are you with us?

All summer.

This is perfect.

He does make a mean pancake.

No, about you being here.

My nephew Carey's coming out this weekend.

Now he'll have someone to play with.

How old is this Carey?

He's 16 and gorgeous.

Oh, that is perfect.

Yeah, my dad was just telling me

that he loved to see me with an older boy.

You know, so I can learn about sex and all that.

Oh, oh, there.

Oh, this is perfect. Look at that!

Misha, Misha, it's like the cover of a magazine.

Plus the syrup is all soaked in.

Dad loves his syrup soaked in.

Right, Dad?

I'll be right back.

Don't worry about it.

He'll forgive you. I think he likes you.

These are ruined now.

Why do you say that?

You can only put the syrup on the pancakes

after they're on your plate.

It's one of my dad's rules.

About him liking me.

He told me on the ferry.

Interesting.

He didn't say your name, but I know it was you.

Anyone wanna go to the beach?

Who's that?

It's our turn, we need to make them leave.

It's them.

Going along on purpose. I--

-Who? -Our nemesis.

The Fire Island Crew.

They've won the past five years.

No, now.

The rules are we can't watch

another group's rehearsal 'til the day of the show.

But it's our time for the studio.

They're doing this on purpose to taunt you.

So let's taunt them.

Hey!

We have no choice.

That's my dad for you.

All testosterone.

I love it!

What's the matter with Misha?

Looks like he's seen a man with two penises.

I met a man like that once.

The fuck you have.

What's wrong with your dad?

You don't want to know.

I'm guessing he knows him.

This is gonna be good.

Should we do something?

Just stand back.

That was awesome.

You really can dance!

I mean, until the end, of-- of course.

Well, that was rude.

You really don't understand men, do you?

He just lost.

I shouldn't have said anything, should I?

-Oh, boy. -I screwed that up.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Is he always like this after he loses?

Pouty, but then he cheers up?

I don't know.

Never seen him lose at anything.

I knew you were in the closet.

I can smell it.

Guys like you are easy to spot.

You can't touch me, Frank.

I just did, Gene Kelly.

And I'm gonna beat you in the cage, too,

in our upcoming rematch.

I'm done fighting.

You're gonna take up dancing full-time?

I'm--

At a loss for words?

Losing seems to be contagious for you now.

I'll see you in the cage, Baryshnikov.

Flat on your back.

So you want me to go back to cutting?

I want you to see what you're made of.

If you have to cut yourself apart to do it,

then so be it.

Get back up, do it again.

I want you to figure out

how to reach me.

-How to fix me. -That's the trick, isn't it?

Any suggestions?

You're the worst teacher I've ever seen.

Can't you help me?

Getting up is part of learning.

Watch.

You need to look at the same spot on each turn.

Well, sure, it looks easy when you do it.

Try it again.

You're supposed to make suggestions to me.

I can't fix myself.

That's the only thing you can do.

You're a terrible teacher.

-You can't quit. -I'm not quitting.

I'm leaving you alone to figure out how to teach,

how to be a father.

I should have just stayed at home.

By now, I could have straightened the entire house.

You know as well as I do this is no place to be straight.

You need to come down to the beach.

We saved a spot for you.

I need to straighten up first.

Get rid of all this dirt.

Oh, yes, that would drive me crazy, too.

My secret mix works well, doesn't it?

It's the one thing I inherited from my father.

He didn't leave me a cent,

but I got his secret cleaning recipe.

What is in it?

I'll have to die first.

And believe me, you don't wanna know.

My dad died when I was six.

Do you know why they call me Rush?

Isn't that your name?

My name is Steven.

But everyone calls me Rush.

After Rush Limbaugh.

Because I have a couple Republican ideas.

Since college.

So for 20 years I've been Rush.

You want me to call you Steven?

Only if I can trust you.

You should never trust me.

Why not?

I'm a man.

Do you really believe that?

Only men would bash each other's brains in

and call that a living or entertainment.

Only men would dance

with the beauty and the grace of gods

and call that entertainment.

We see men differently.

You see one side of men...

I see the other.

Can you hold me loose enough so that I can spin?

Can you do that?

-What the hell are you doing? -What you asked.

I didn't ask you to try to get to second base.

We haven't even kissed

and you go straight for my breasts?

What the hell was that?

Well, you know, now we've been to first base.

I like you, Carey.

Don't ruin it.

Uh, uh, sorry, I just-- I was just leaving.

Step away from her.

-Dad, it's nothing-- -Close your eyes.

Not you.

Brooklyn.

- Close your eyes. - What?

Close your eyes now.

Stand up straight.

Take off your flip flops.

-First position. -What?

First position.

Now, prepare...

and turn.

Can I open my eyes?

When you've done a complete turn.

How will I know that?

You'll just know.

-You did it. -I did it.

Dad, I--

Dad?

He's gone.

I did it.

Now I just have to learn how to do it with my eyes open.

Close 'em again.

You are so dead now!

Oh, my God. Get out of here.

Mom!

You look like a star.

Not yet.

Wait here, I'm gonna go put on my new suit

so you can see how tan I am now.

You look relaxed, Misha.

- So do you. - Mm.

I mean, you look good.

Look at this suit and at my tan.

Don't I look fabulous?

You look amazing.

Fire Island looks good on both of you.

It's actually not as bad as I thought.

But you should probably know that Dad's gay now.

What are you talking about?

He's finally out of the closet.

Brooke.

Now's not the time for joking around.

- Who's joking? - Well, hello there.

Who do we have here?

I'm Vera. You are?

I'm Rush.

I was just telling Mom about

how Dad's out of the closet now.

She didn't know? You didn't know?

Know what?

Why don't we go down to the beach, Brooklyn?

What's going on, Misha?

Um, trying to fit in.

As a gay man?

Why don't we make a detour to the bedroom

and I'll show you who's gay?

Mm. There's the same old Misha.

No foreplay. No talking.

Just boom. Right to fucking.

That used to be how we'd say hello.

You know, how I got past your defenses...

saw the real you.

This is the real me.

You like?

Why don't you go down to the beach with your daughter

and I'll get out of these...

and I'll come meet you there.

Why are you pretending to be gay?

Mm. And how does a straight MMA fighter

make such good pancakes?

Who's a straight fighter?

- Who are you? - And what the hell do pancakes

have to do with being straight or gay?

Who are you?

Who are you?

And what are you doing here?

I'm Vera, Brooklyn's mom

and Misha's ex-girlfriend.

You're Brooklyn's mom?

When her birth mom left her with Misha,

he barely knew a diaper from a condom so I adopted her.

You're a more generous person than I'd ever be.

I'm Pablo.

You're wearing my bikini.

Your bikini?

Listen, I paid good money for--

You're Pablo Garcia?

-The swimwear designer? -Mm.

This is your bikini.

-You wear that for Misha? -God no.

I wore it as a reward for finally getting a film.

- Yes! - Thank you.

How do you know him?

Oh, mostly through his pancakes.

-Hmm. -What should I know about him?

Well, anyone that makes pancakes this good

can't be all that bad, right?

Well, that's what I thought when I saw him dance.

- He danced for you? - Mm.

Did I take the train to Oz?

Most people do come here looking for something.

Why are you here?

I guess I wanted to know if it was worth it.

To be a star?

To be wanted.

When he wants you,

it's like nothing else in the world matters.

It's intoxicating.

It's because he's a winner.

Makes you feel like you've won.

-It's more than that. -Oh, yeah?

With Misha, it's--

it's like he's 13 years old again.

Like his entire existence

depends on getting what he wants.

So, if you're what he wants,

it's like you hold the power

of life and death over him.

Oh!

Why'd you come out here then?

It's like a drug.

I came to see Brooklyn and I'm all sandy.

-I don't want to have sex. -Bullshit.

Well, Rush is already getting addicted.

Oh, my God.

You came to get laid, I can see it in your eyes.

I came to see my daughter.

Pass the syrup, will you?

These pancakes are stupid good, oh, my God.

She's not even your real daughter.

What did you say?

You know what I meant.

Maybe you should have sex with Rush.

He seems ready to offer up his ass.

-I'm not gay. -Right.

Then what the hell are you doing, Misha?

I'm figuring out my life.

I'm gonna tell them what you're doing,

-who you are. -Not one word.

Get your hands off me.

You can't tell them.

What's going on?

-We're leaving. -I'm staying.

You're coming to the city with me.

Mom, please. Dad?

Let her stay. I need her.

So you can continue your charade?

-Go back to your movie. -Brooklyn.

I'll make it work.

I want him to make it work.

He will.

I was only 17

You stole my heart, and by stole

I mean you took it

And you crushed it on the floor

For years I tried for Brooklyn's sake

And maybe that was my mistake

To think that you could ever give me more

But now just looking at you makes me cry

Wishing you could let me in

Or even try

'Cause I know the way you feel

Know how much it hurts

To hate yourself, to feel no pride

That mess inside

I fought with Father every breath

And not until his death could I start letting go

And dealing with my mess inside

You're in pain the way that I was too

Maybe that's why I can't help

Still loving you

But you need to find relief

Need to find a way

To cast your demons all aside

The mess you hide

I know you think I'm full of spite

But I don't want to fight you

So I'm letting go

I hope you find

Some peace inside

I think syrup should always be separated from pancakes.

I make a breakthrough and that's your response?

A breakthrough?

Sweetie, you've barely scratched the surface.

Just like you do when you cut.

You call this surface?

I call it an attempt

to distract you from your secret.

I don't have a secret.

That's why you're so angry.

Because you can keep a secret

and she can't.

You can inflict any amount of pain

rather than reveal your precious little skeleton.

I'm not gay.

You're on Fire Island

pretending to be a gay man.

So I can buy a house!

One that finally feels like home.

A home that only a gay man would want.

Will you keep it all neat and tidy

and make Martha Stewart pancakes

like a cute little gay man?

-I'm not gay! -Prove it.

Hit me, Misha.

Hit me like a straight man.

I don't hit women.

But I'm not a woman, am I?

You're--

Say it, Misha.

Say what I am.

A washed up drag queen?

Oh, now, you can do better than that.

You're a fake.

A lie.

You're a man wearing a dress.

This is a crop top and shorts.

Spoken like a true queen.

But not a lying, scared shitless queen

from the Bronx

who'd do anything to avoid the truth.

August 30.

That's a week before Labor Day.

Is that a problem?

I told you I'm not training during the summer.

Pick a later date.

That would be a sign of weakness.

You'll do as I say.

I can't and I won't.

Postpone it, Skeeter.

You need money to buy this house of yours,

your dream house?

I have money

from the last time I kicked Frank's ass.

You are misinformed.

How am I misinformed?

How am I...

misinformed?

I used that money to book your rematch

on August 30.

Why do you let him control you?

What does he have on you?

I need to know what to do,

not...

figure out what's inside of me.

What the hell was that for?

Sure looked to me like you needed to cool off.

-You're crazy. -I'm crazy?

What do you want to do, Misha?

Beat Frank Diamond.

Spoken like a man who can't ever make an honest choice.

- That is a choice. - A choice from a man

who cuts himself to see if he's still alive.

I haven't cut myself all summer.

Except last night after you saw Skeeter.

How do you know that?

What do you call what you were doing by the beach?

Hope you enjoy spending the rest of your summer

by yourself.

Take your hat off, Misha.

And you let him rule you,

because he's the one person alive

who knows your secret.

You don't know anything about him.

He was there for me when nobody else was.

You betrayed me?

No, you betrayed you.

I'm saving you.

What do you want, Misha?

To beat

Frank Diamond.

To beat all of them.

Then I can't help you.

-Go follow her. -Why?

Because, my dear idiot child, she wants you to.

Yeah, you don't know that.

I know more about love than you do.

And don't come back here until you're ready

to face the one opponent you can't beat.

I won't ever be back here.

This is my last fight.

For you or anyone else.

Is the commotion finally over?

I got a headache.

And the last thing I need is this puppy love subplot.

No, don't sit down. We need to move these chairs.

-Uh-huh. -You promised you'd help.

There better be a strong drink at the end of this.

I only hope I'm as lucky with her dad

as Carey is with her.

It's a mistake.

He's a good person.

I can sense that.

And I'm gonna have him

and I'm gonna prove all you doubters wrong.

Moving the chairs is a mistake

and anyone can see he's straight.

Have you seen his ass?

Yeah.

Don't call my future husband straight.

Even Brooklyn was trying to tell you he's not gay.

She was not.

She said things are not always as they seem.

But can you lift?

Don't scratch the floor!

Well, this one's broken,

so I don't know what you want me to do about it.

And if he's straight, then what is he doing here?

Rush?

At your service.

I need to pack. I'm going back to the city.

I don't have time for this.

I brought some body oil for you.

Get up, you're getting oil all over the seat.

Stop it, Rush.

I'm not taking no from you any longer.

-Stop it. -Tonight, you belong to me.

These are ruined,

you got oil all over the pillows.

Misha.

I'm right here.

You see.

You feel the passion between us.

The way you make me feel.

What did you say?

You make me feel this way.

- Take it back. - What?

Take it back.

I didn't make you love me. Take it back!

Stop it, Misha.

What, isn't this what you wanted?

Let's go to bed, hmm?

You can take me there however you want.

Get up and fight me like a man.

Get up!

Help me.

I am helping you.

I'm teaching you to take it like a man, like I did.

Please.

- I'm sorry. - What?

I'm sorry.

You should have been sorry

all those years ago.

I hate you.

You're gonna clean that up.

No, I'm not.

I'm going back to Fire Island with or without you.

Where are you gonna stay?

With Rush and Carey.

Please.

At least Carey says he loves me.

You never say that.

I'll have to call Mom.

She's on a movie.

Why do you have to ruin her dreams, too?

-Help me clean this up. -Be my father.

-I am. -Then live as a gay man.

I'm not gay, Brooklyn!

You could pretend.

How am I supposed to get Mom to love you now?

What are you talking about?

Why do you think I wanted you to teach me that pirouette?

To show Mom that if I could tame you,

then maybe she could too and we could be a family again.

This is all family is.

Everything else is bullshit.

Go back to your closet.

He could've been the kind of dad

Who picks me up from school

Who doesn't lose his cool

And he could've been the kind of dad

Who tucks me in at night

Who wants more than a fight

A shoulder I can cry on

Someone to rely on

But I'm the one who worries if he's gonna be okay

I'm pretty sure with parents

It should be the other way around

And I think about

The life I could've had

If I had a different dad

A different dad

I could've been the kind of kid

Whose ignorance was bliss

But I'm stuck in the abyss

Where I have to watch him swallow pills

After stitching up his arm

Sick of raising the alarm

He'd fall apart without me

Wish he could care about me

But I'm the one who holds him

When he's shaking on the floor

I help him stop the bleeding

While I wish I could ignore it all

And I tell myself

It's really not so bad

But then he gets mad again

And I try to count to ten

But he yells and that's when I wish I had

Wish I had

Give me the kind of dad who worries

If I'm gonna be okay

But I'm stuck in a family

Where it works the other way around

And I dream about

The life I could've had

If I had a different dad

A different dad

Brooklyn had to come get me off the movie set,

because she had no idea where you were,

or what had happened.

-Didn't Skeeter come get us? -My brother's gone.

-What? -He's gone.

He took the prize money.

Your money?

Our money?

Frank beat me fair and square.

Whatever I had is his now.

Well, that's just great, Misha.

What are you gonna live off?

What about Brooklyn?

You're gonna go be a big movie star now,

you don't need me.

I needed you to be a father.

She needs that.

What am I supposed to do now?

Let yourself outta your cage.

You used to be just like me.

That's why, despite everything...

I thought we could build something together.

But I can't keep picking

at the same scars forever like you do.

I'll still find them.

You're the only one who could.

The only one I let know what my father did to me.

And I loved you for that.

You deserve more than a cage.

I love you.

Doesn't that matter?

What do you know about loving?

You can't love someone,

if you can't even stand being yourself.

What kind of doctor are you?

I'm asking for your help.

What's in it for me?

-Oh, you want money? -I have all the money I need.

Then what do you want? Whatever it is, I'll do it.

I want you to say no to me.

To tell me to go fuck myself,

to tell me that our relationship is all about you,

that my job is to help you.

You said I focused too much on me

and not on you.

Misha, the whole point

of seeing a psychiatrist

is to focus on your needs...

but you allowed me to turn it on its head.

Let me force you to have sessions doing yoga,

to rearrange my bookshelf for me,

and even now,

you offer to do anything that I want,

as long as I'll help you.

As long as I do my damn job.

What do you want me to do?

Get out.

Please.

I want to be inside you.

Dig under the surface sheet

Under your fingers scratch 'til you reach

The ugly side of you have to do it

Reach deep within you root out your demons

Follow the rabbit into your darkness

Down to the breakdown

You have a trauma me, I have mine also

We may be different but we share

The shame of repression

Shame of self-loathing cutting for comfort

If you want a breakthrough we have to break you

Down, down, down

'Til we break down

Beating doesn't make us brave

Cutting doesn't mean we're tough

It's an illusion inside

Sink into our subconscious

Scrape the bottom

Grab the nightmare

Look it straight in the eye

But who are we, Misha? Why, why did we come here?

If we're too weak to face the thing we fear

Facing the memory now relive the trauma

Look, look at what happened breathe underwater

Hurry before we drown

And we break down let it break down

To the breakdown breakdown, breakdown

I have this body I have this spirit

I choose to show you what you needed

See how we got you wrapped 'round my finger

Searching for demons if you want a breakthrough

We have to break you down, down

Down

'Til you break down

I was 13 years old.

He raped me.

Skeeter?

Sergei.

Your dance teacher.

It wasn't rape.

He was like a father to you.

It wasn't rape.

Because you're gay?

I was gay.

Just what we need.

Another cliché.

He didn't rape me.

Because you turned him on?

You seduced him.

Beautiful muscular Misha.

You danced for him and you seduced him.

And you made him fuck you.

What did you want me to do?

He's still inside you, isn't he?

And now everyone's laughing at you

for having his cock up your ass.

For wanting his cock up your ass.

Skeeter gave me this.

Taught me how to fight...

so that no one could get the best of me again.

And now no one gets to see the best of you, do they?

I need to know

how to be straight.

How to cut him...

out of me.

Do you know why I wore this, Misha?

Because it turns you on?

I wore it for you.

They don't know what it was like.

He was so proud of me.

Hmm, I see it.

When you let yourself be a father...

and when you dance...

when you stop being a victim

and become someone who chooses who he wants to be...

who he wants to fuck.

I'd give anything

to find that person again.

To feel the way I felt when I danced with Sergei.

Paper planes and ballet shoes

Playing games you never lose

When you learn to dance the blues

When they take the light away

Dreams of glory feeling high

Looking up and touching the sky

All those dreams were meant to die

'Cause they took the light away

Try believing in a person who believes in you

You give them everything

Let 'em take you, let 'em break you

'Til what's left is just a shell

Just a hell, just a shadow that you wear

As you swear you can go back and find the light again

Find the light again find the light

I had promise I had dreams

When he split me at the seams

Now I don't know what promise means

'Cause he took the light away

He took my light away

Can't take the light can't take the light away

Whoa

Can't take the light can't take the light away

Take the light away Can't take the light

Can't take the light Can't take the light away

Take the light away Can't take the light

Can't take the light away

Can't take the light Can't take the light

Can't take the light away Take the light away

Can't take the light Can't take the light

Can't take the light away Take the light away

Brooklyn needs me like I needed him

But I've been lost out on a whim

No matter what the shit I'm in

I won't take her light away

Oh, we are mortals

Who live as gods

We live in light

By grand facades

Our fight to live

I'll damn the odds

I won't take her light away

She is my light today

I won't take her light away

Can't take her light Can't take her light

Can't take her light away

Can't take her light

Can't take it, can't take it, yeah

No, I can't

No, can't take it

Can't take it

Can't, her light

Her light

Life's not about finding yourself.

It's about creating yourself.

That's why being here is like coming home

to a place you've never been before.

A place where we don't need mirrors.

Make yourself who you want to be.

The Misha that will make you proud.

You wanna borrow one?

I think we both look better as we are.

You with it...

and me without.

Out with you, while the getting out's good.

Got you, though.

Get out.

Anything you can say to me,

you can say to all of us.

- I'm sorry. - You already said that.

I'm sorry for making you feel

the way that I feel.

You're only sorry 'cause you don't get the house.

I'm sorry

because I don't get to hang out with you anymore.

You guys made me feel like

I was part of something that mattered.

-Like I mattered. -What mattered was the contest.

-We can still win. -The contest is today.

And who is this we, fighter man?

- All of us. - You said it yourself.

You're not gay, so you can't perform.

It's not in the rules.

He spent the whole damn summer lying to us.

You want to be a winner or not?

Not with him.

- I've changed. - Like hell.

Suppose we put you on the stage,

you'll betray us up there, too.

Let me back in.

Let me show you how much you mean to me.

- We'll have to vote on it. - Oh!

Who made you the boss of me?

Our flaws are what make us worth loving.

I vote yes.

So do you.

Fuck this up, Queens,

and Frank Diamond will seem like a vacation.

-It's up to you now, Rush. -Mm-hmm.

I was afraid.

Of what?

Disappointing you...

once you realized who I really am...

what's been inside of me.

I'm not as shallow as I make myself out to be.

Then let me dance, Steven.

Well, I do like

watching your ass move when we dance.

So...

Let's do this.

On three.

One, two, three.

Let's dance!

A five, six, seven, eight

Beautiful gays are bells of the ball

Here to amaze you and astound you

Beautiful girls--

Beautiful gays are easy to find

All of the strays the world rejected

Beautiful gays will challenge your mind

Some are clichés, some unexpected

Sensitive men who hypnotize you

Mystery men who still surprise you

A beautiful face is fine

But we've raised the bar

Beautiful gays are guys

That love who they are

Beautiful gays are bells of the ball

Here to amaze you and astound you

Beautiful gays are friends above all

You lost your way but then they found you

Some of us queer and one who's other

All of us here stick by each other

Being ourselves

Being proud of wearing our scars

Beautifully gay means we

We, we

Love who we are

Beautifully gay means you

Love who you are