All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.S10E19.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Back in the '80s,
my mom hit the dating scene.

- The lucky guy was Joe Perott.
- Wow.

And what started
as a workplace friendship
quickly led to more.

I made you a mixtape.

At first, my mom had no idea
what was happening.

- Joe, are we on a date?
- You didn't know?

Before long, she realized
she liked him back.

- You have a crush.
- I have a crush.

And, soon, it was heating up.

But that didn't mean
she was playing it cool.

Okay, I'm deciding
which sweater to wear
on my date with Joe.

Does this say romance to you?

It says "Run, I'm a dork."

Poo!
Ben, what do you think?

You got a brown sweater.
I like brown.

Well, I don't like brown.

But I don't
hate brown neither.

Very helpful. Adam?

Mr. Perott's great.

He once pulled me aside
on the playground to explain

I was confusing the words
"dunking" and "boinking."

- There's a difference?
- A big one.

And it's that very knowledge
that makes me want
to have no part of this.

Who in their
right mind would?

Okay, so, I sorted these
by color and word count.

But I'm still partial
to this number

with the fun
little forest scene.

The muskrats
are holding hands.

What the hell
are you doing, dude?

Oh, I'm the wardrobe consultant.

I see that.
Take it off.

If you want it
to go well, just--

I know, just be myself.

Sure, that. But also,
be a less pushy,

overbearing version
of yourself.

Like, for example,
anybody else.

Stop worrying.
Joe is obsessed with me.

Listen to this.

Hi, Bev.
I found an old box
in my office labeled

"Adam Goldberg backup pants."

Should I bring them by
when I pick you up?

God, I hope this
relationship fails.

You all hear the desire
in his voice when he said,
"backup pants"?

- I really don't.
- Well, listen again.

..."Adam Goldberg
backup pants."

Oh!
Stop!

Carmen's gonna be here
any second!

This is not the kind of thing
she needs to hear.

- He wants a taste,
baby girl.
-"Backup pants."

Enough!

Anyway, I had to move up
the reservation,

so I'll see you at 6:00.

Six? That's now!

You didn't listen
to the whole message?

No, I just kept replaying
the sexy part

where he said "backup pants."-

Oh, great, he's here.

You need to change.
Geoff, find anything.

Uh, okay.

Oh, no!
Carmen is here, too.

And he has the pants!

Geoff, sweaters!
Go! Go! Go!

There's a note pinned
to them that says

"In case Adam Goldberg
has an emergency"!

Okay, everybody
stop panicking.

The man has a hunger,

a hunger for a steaming
plate of Bev.

Now Carmen's examining
the pants!

And he's explaining them!

Just put anything on!

Her face is a horror show
of emotions!

I need to do something!

"Slam Boink."
You did it.

I don't hate brown anymore.

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps
Getting clearer every day ♪

It was April 12th,
1980-something,

and like always,
my brother was running hot.

Hey, hon.
How's it going?

Good, if it was
opposite day.

I have two finals Friday.

The landlord wants more rent,

even though we just paid
30 days ago.

And you know that
hotshot pigeon?

He's been on the windowsill
mocking me all day!

So, happy anniversary!

Anniversary. Right.

- Barry, did you forget?
- No!

My gift was hidden far away.
I'll be back.

Yeah, it turns out Barry's day
wasn't getting any easier.

- Be back!
- Okay.

Good thing he knew
just where to get
a last-minute gift

that would fix everything,

our neighbor, Virginia Kremp.

Stop what you're doing!

I'll need a dozen roses
for my bedroom associate.

Ah, Joanne.

I remember that morning
years ago at the park

when Lou looked away
from the swing,

how far she flew.

And now she loves you.

Anyhoo! Charles is away
at a hydrangea convention.

And since
I'm the only one here,
you're gonna have to wait.

Fine, I'll do it myself.

Argh! Thorns!

- More thorns!
- Stop!

Satan's hearth,

why is your body
giving off so much heat?

I run hot
when I'm stressed out.

The doctor says it's because
I gestated for 50 weeks.

We need to cool you off.
Come with me.

This is nice.

Yeah, I spent two days
in there during
the heat wave of '73.

I bet it'd be nice
to be a flower.

Hmm. Why is that?

Well, flowers don't worry
about med school, rent,

or forgetting to get a gift
for their Sweet Drawers.

That's Joanne.
I gathered.

She also calls me
Sweet Drawers.

Well, you're not creative,
but you like each other.

You know, whenever
I'm feeling overwhelmed,

I find it helps to
focus on one task at a time.

Let's start with Joanne.

How would you like
to learn how to make

your very own
arrangement for her?

Deal!

With that, Ginzy quickly
saved my brother's anniversary.

Meanwhile,
my mom and Mr. Perott

were on their first real date,

which was off to a slow start.

Big menu, huh?

It is, yeah.

Despite their history
of flirtation,

my mom and Mr. Perott

had already run out
of things to say.

The bathroom stalls were,
like, super big, too.

Oh.

And the... The seats
were comfy, good height.

Uh-huh.

Yep, she was really
digging deep for anything.

Were the men's room seats
a good height?

I haven't, uh, sat yet.

Maybe before dessert.

That's when my dead husband
liked to... sit.

Hmm.

It was a total train wreck.

So it was no surprise
when she did this.

Oh, the vegetarian options
look tasty, huh?

I am totally
a vegetarian, too!

Oh? 'Cause at
the holiday party,

you made
a gingerbread house

out of ground duck
and beef liver.

That's because that's what
I was assigned for the potluck.

You know, more like
pot unlucky.

I cried the whole time.

No, but you ate
the whole chimney.

And then
I secretly spit it into
Principal Ball's briefcase.

- Really?
- Yeah.

See, as a vegetarian,

I know I'm better
than the flesh eaters,

but I never want to
make them feel bad about it.

That's amazing.

- Mmm-hmm.
- I had no idea.

What do you think
about television?

'Cause I don't even own one.

I got rid of ours
a long time ago.

Books are so much better.

I love books.

Books! With the, uh,
words and pages

and little numbers
in the corners
that go up, up, up.

So what's your favorite book
you've recently read?

All the greats.

The bigs ones and the thin ones
and the ones in between.

I'm not gonna bore you
with the details.

What's your favorite?

The Unbearable Lightness
of Being.

Mine, too!

- Yeah?
- The lightness.

- Sure.
- The being.

- Phew!
- And how unbearable
it all is.

Wow, that's great.

- So, so good.
- Do you like to go hiking?

Yesterday...

I was reading
one of my many books,

eating a vegetable
on the top of a mountain.

So, yeah, I love it.

- Holy crap.
- Yeah.

- We have so much in common.
- Well, you know what?

I bet if you keep
telling me things
that you like,

I probably like 'em, too.

Sure,
it was fueled by lies,

but my mom could finally relax.

Barry also found
an unexpected way
to relieve some stress.

Joanne loved
the flowers!

I finally understand
why my mother says

you're her
number-three friend.

What a fun thing
to say to someone.

Also, I was honest
with Joanne,

like you said I should be,

and she was completely understanding.

I knew it.

And the stress rash?

Gone!

Let me pop off
these jeans

and show you
in your place of business.

No, I'll take
your word for it.

How could
I ever thank you

in a way that doesn't
include money or effort?

I'll tell you what, Barry.

You can repay me
by working here
until Charles gets back.

I can offer you
minimum wage.

I'll counter
with maximum wage.

- No.
- I'll take it.

With that,
Barry got to work.

And in addition
to minimum wage,

he also got valuable advice.

Schools, relationships,
growing up.

Sometimes it's just too much.

Mmm! Well, here's
one way to look at it.

In every beautiful arrangement,
the flowers work in harmony.

It's all about balance,
just like...

- A scale.
- No.

- A dreidel.
- Getting colder.

A balance beam.

Think of what we were
just talking about.

- Life.
- That's it!

Yep, Mrs. Kremp was having

a real positive effect
on Barry.

And it showed
in all sorts of ways.

You okay?

Just thinking about
how lucky I am

that you came
into my life.

Can I brush
your hair tonight

instead of you brushing mine?

Aw! Of course, Bar-Bar.

Working with flowers
had made Barry bloom.

- Just because.
- Just because what?

Just because
you're my brother

and as unique
as this desert flower.

I don't say that enough.

Thanks to Ginzy, Barry even got
less stressed about school.

Whoa, that's the first test

you didn't get an "A" on
in a while.

That's okay.

Hopefully,
I'll do better next time.

It looked like Barry
was a changed man.

That is, until this happened.

Your favorite person
is here!

Oh, Barry,
I have great news.

- Charles is back.
- Hello, Barry!

As Barry was crashing
back down to earth,

my sister realized my mom
had gotten a bit carried away.

Hey, what are
you guys doing?

Studying up
for my next date with Joe.

- This is...
- A dove.

- A pelican.
- Ah, yes!
I'm getting closer.

Um, why?

Joe thinks I'm a book-reading,
bird-watching vegetarian,

among other things.

Geoff, go.

Animal Farm
was written by...

- A man.
- George Orwell.

Oh. Well, I was half right.

Why would anyone think that
you're an outdoorsy leaf-eater?

Because I told a few fibs
to get our last date clicking.

You can't lie
about who you are.

You're the one that told me
I needed to be less me.

Yeah, less you,
but not more him!

- This is...
- An emu.

A blue jay.

And now I know.

This is a terrible idea.

Why are you two
helping her?

She's gonna tell Mr. Perott
to give us a ride

on the back
of his motorcycle.

I'm gonna feel the power
of a thousand horses
between my legs.

Please never
say that again.

I don't want to ride.

But I'll climb on and have
Geoff take a picture.

Then, I'll tell Carmen I took
the sled down to Sturgis.

Lying's okay because
Mom does it all the time now.

Bup! Oh!
I'm gonna be late.

Gotta meet Joe
at the meditation studio.

Meditation?

You understand that does
require you to be silent?

I like to find inner peace
before a long hike...

Is something Joe said,
then I said it, then he smiled.

Oh, dating is so easy.

But my mom soon found out

it wasn't as easy
as she thought.

Is this not glorious,
or what?

Yes.

I, too, like to make myself
uncomfortable for fun.

Turns out, pretending
to like stuff Joe liked

was a tough pill to swallow.

Can you believe
this tofu isn't meat?

Mmm, so mushy.

Yep, my mom was in deep.

The piping plover,

gifting us
with her presence.

Majestic.

Yeah, birds.

We don't eat 'em,
we look at 'em.

But when a few tiny lies

turned into a dizzying
web of deception,

my mom lost all her momentum.

Oh, Bev! You gotta see
the view up here!

Almost there!
Here I come!

I'm glad I put on makeup
for this.

Oh!

Ah!
Oh!

With Mr. Kremp
back at the shop,

things were suddenly
a bit crowded.

At least to Barry, they were.

Am I in your way?

Yes, Charles, you are.

Ah, thanks for understanding.

Um, hello, boys.

Hi, Ginzerale!

"Ginzerale" is one my nicknames
for your wife.

It's adorable!
Can I use it, too?

- No.
- Okay.

Ginzerale, can I talk to you
about a private matter?

Over the last few days,
your wife and I have developed

a mutual trust
and understanding.

- Super.
- Charles, why don't you

go take five
in the floral fridge,

or possibly Cincinnati?

Barry! Come here!

You're being rude!

I'm sorry.
But I'm still
stressed out,

and now Charles is here
getting in the way
of my progress.

I have given you
all the tools you need

to manage this
on your own.

You just don't know it yet.

- But...
- Finger your pocket orchid.

Mmm-hmm.

How's it feel?

Like there's beauty
all around me?

You just...

Have to look for it.

And when you find it...

My troubles become bubbles
and float away.

See? Much better.

Now, I'm gonna need you
to deliver some flowers for me.

But we can't have
our one-on-one life talks

if I'm out delivering.

Why can't Charles do it?

Because Charles
is my husband.

And you are my friend's son
who once dug a 10-foot pit

in my yard
to build a "one-man pool."
Now, scooch.

While Barry didn't like
the new turn his job took,

my mom's job of
pretending to like stuff

had taken a serious toll.

So, how's the dating life?

Oh, so good.

Joe and I are
so connected.

Oh, my God, the pain!

Hiking sucks.

We might be soulmates.

Adam, you want
to help me with this?

I'm a "slow down to watch
the car crash" kind of guy.

I like where
this is headed.

There will be
no crash, Schmoo,

- because I have a plan.
- Hmm. This should be good.

See, after I fell down
the mountain,

we cut our hike short.

So all I need to do
is repeatedly fall down
on purpose

for the next few years,

until he gives up
being a boring person

with boring hobbies
and a boring face.

Well, your relationship
certainly sounds healthy,

and it's totally
gonna work out.

Check me out.
I'm all geared up

to ride
Mr. Perott's hog.

So much to process.

Uh, I guess, first,
is that my leather jacket?

Yeah, and the gloves
are my mom's pruning gloves.

Bad boys borrow
without asking.

Wait. Joe's coming over now?

Yeah, he called earlier
to say he's bringing
his famous kelp casserole.

He can't see how we live!

He thinks we're adherents
to his freakish lifestyle.

Wait, we have to play a part
in this charade?

Of course!
One of the biggest lies
I told is that

I instilled in my children
a set of positive values.

Now, hide all the meat!-

And get rid of the six TVs!

Come on! Move!

You are good and decent
vegetarians now!

So my mom had us pretend
we were something we weren't.

And somehow, we were
getting away with it.

Joe, this kelp casserole
was divine.

What is your secret?

The secret
is no salt or spices.

Just kelp baked
in its own juices.

- Huh.
- Very kelp-y.

You can really
taste the ocean.

The no salt is really
coming through.

Hey, Bev, can I ask you
a question?

Sure, Joe.
What is it?

Why do you have a TV
in the bathtub?

It's our neighbors'.

Uh, we wash it for them.

Also, when I hung
my jacket in the closet,

I noticed a spiral ham
in a rain boot.

Huh.

And, lastly, on the floor
under the table,

it's covered
with kelp casserole.

Am I to assume
that no one ate it?

In our defense...

Ugh.

I may have exaggerated
a bit about, you know,

who I am as a person.

But why?

I just wanted this
to go well.

Bev, I like you for you,
I promise.

So going forward,
you know, just be yourself.

- Okay?
- Okay. Thanks, Joe.

Now I should go.

I'm already late
for my origami class.

- See you soon.
- Aw.

Aw.

See, you did all that lying
for nothing.

Mmm-hmm.
Quick question.

How do you break up
with someone?

While my mom was having
a change of heart,

Barry was about
to let Mrs. Kremp know

of a change in plans.

Hi, Barry.

- Where's Charles?
- Delaware.

Now, pull up a stool,
and let's open up

to each other
about things we fear.

- Delaware?
- Yeah, I sent him out
for a delivery.

- What?
- Now, no one else knows this,

but I am terrified
of being too successful.

Will my future
fame and riches

intimidate
my very average friends?

Barry, I'm sorry.

- You're fired.
- What?

I'll need your pruning shears
and bouquet tape.

- But--
- This is just the way
it has to be.

Why is this so sticky?

I spilled three
separate Slurpees.

Ugh.

Just like that,
Barry was out of a job.

Meanwhile,
my mom was learning

how to get out
of a relationship.

Mom, this is exactly
what dating is all about.

You get to know
each other,

and if you don't like
something you find out,

boom, trash heap.

I've just yo-yo'd him
so many times.

I feel terrible.

Why do I have to be so charming
and irresistible?

How does all this affect
my motorcycle ride?

I may have already
bought biker's insurance.

If you don't want
to hurt his feelings,
just lie to the guy.

She's done enough lying.

Exactly. So would
one more hurt?

Ben, share your wisdom.

I once dated a girl
in the Army.

I told her my heart
couldn't take it

if she was
called to war,

so I had no choice
but to end it.

That is brilliant.

But in this case,
it backfired.

She wasn't
in the U.S. Army.

She was
in the Salvation Army.

Great advice, Pop-Pop.

Anyway, we got married,
we had Murray
and some other kid,

and 10 years later,
she left me.

Thank you, Ben.

I know just what
I need to do.

And so, my mom
pulled out this card.

My faith is
very important to me.

So, since we have
different religions,

different cultures...

we have to end it.

I'm sorry.

Beverly, I'm a member
of the tribe, too.

Shalom!

- Hebrew-what-now?
- I observe all
the high holy days.

I go to temple regularly.

I play racquetball
with my cantor.

Right.

Which is what
I don't do.

What?

See, it's very
important for me

to celebrate my faith

in a very low-grade,
noncommittal-type way.

Hold on a second.

I come from a long line
of extremely breezy,

unserious people.

Okay.

You obviously
don't want to date me,

but you're afraid
to just say it.

Huh?

Fine.

I don't think this is
gonna work out.

I'm sorry, Joe.

Me, too.

I'll see you around, Bev.

Barry had lost his job
at the flower shop.

But as far
as Joanne and I knew,

everything was still rosy.

Surprise!

- What?
- Adam and I were talking

about how sweet
you've been lately.

I didn't get it
at first.

I thought the cactus
had a camera in it

and you wanted to catch me
doing something weird,

like giving my ALF doll
a back massage.

No examples needed, Adam.

It's just for practice.

Carmen likes to have
her shoulders rubbed,

and with that responsibility
comes pressure.

Anyway, we just wanted
to show you

how much we appreciate
the kinder, gentler Barry,

so we got you...

a new hockey stick!

- Wow, guys.
This is amazing.
- Mmm-hmm.

You know what
I'm gonna do with it?

I'd say play hockey,
but you never seem to do that.

I'm gonna slap-shot
that cocky pigeon.

Oh, no!
He's regressing!

Barry, where's your
special flower?

Fondle it the way
Mrs. Kremp taught you.

I'm just catching up
to the fact

that Mrs. Kremp asked you
to fondle something.

But, yeah, do that.

Oh! What is going on?

She fired me.

I screwed that up
the way I screw up everything.

After all
Ginzerale did for me.

Ginzerale?

Barry, it's okay.

Remember when
she told you to apologize
to me and be honest?

That worked out,
didn't it?

You think she'd really
forgive me?

I'm sure of it.

I think I know just how
I'm gonna say sorry.

And I think I'm never
coming back here.

While Barry knew how
to fix things with Ginzy,

Erica knew the only way
my mom would feel better

was to fix her up.

What's all this?

Just a stack of
eligible bachelors
interested in meeting you.

You're not the only
matchmaking yenta
in Jenkintown.

Your daughter's pretty good
at it, too.

Well, it's easy
when the product
is such high quality.

I don't know what to say.

Just promise me that
you'll always be yourself

and that you'll never settle.

You're too good for that.

Waiting is always worth it.

Oh!

That one.

- Ooh!
- James?

Erica reminded my mom
of how special she was.

And Barry had someone he wanted
to say that to, as well.

Barry. What are you
doing here?

This past week,
you really helped me,

and I paid you back
by being a jerk.

Oh.

Instead of just
saying sorry,

I wanted to do something
extra special.

So we made you something.

"We"?

Hi, Ginzerale!

It's okay.
Barry said I could use it.

Oh, my!

It's you, kind of.

So many very expensive
and rare flowers

we can no longer sell.

It didn't come out exactly
the way I had hoped.

It's perfect.

Thank you.

And I was thinking,

maybe sometime we can grab
a cup of coffee?

I would love that.

Almost as much as I love

this adorable and accurate
replica of me.

- Do you want
to dismantle it?
- Could we?

♪ The world was moving
She was ♪

♪ Floating above it
And she was ♪

Life can be stressful.

But what helps us the most
is finding friends
along the way

who prop us up
during the hard times.

I made you something.

Kelp casserole
with plenty of seasoning.

Aw, you didn't
have to do that.

I wanted to.

Listen, you've been nothing
but sweet and understanding,

and I really appreciate it.

Hey, that's what
friends are for.

♪ The world was moving
She was ♪

♪ Floating above it
And she was ♪

And that especially includes
new friends...

...even when
we've actually known
them for a long, long time.

♪ And she was ♪

If we're gonna continue
seeing each other,

I want to get everything
about me out in the open.

I don't show
affection in public
or in private.

I sleep in the pajamas
God gave me.

I have several minor procedures
coming up

for which I will need,
uh, rides.

The two sounds
I can't stand

are the laughter of children
and music.

Ben, you know
this isn't a date, right?

But you agreed to lunch.

Well, I was just being
a courteous neighbor.

Plus, my husband
should've been a clue.

Hello.

I also sleep in the buff.