Original subtitles

Grand Cr�cheux Monastery.

Total population: 58 monks.

And me.

At least they have no marital woes.

No meals with the in-laws, no libido problems.

No fights over the kids' education.

It's no concern of theirs. What a relief.

I'm Julien. I used to be a marriage counselor.

And in all modesty, one of the best.

Greater Paris, a city of 11,590,000 inhabitants.

Each year 300,000 couples get together

and 50,000 marry.

Of those, only 40% last longer than a few months,

and 12% longer than 7 years.

Only 1.2% survive a crisis.

Some of these crises occur

before the "I do's".

Without a professional,

the situation can be pretty hopeless. That's where I come in.

Sorry to bother you.

Do you step in now?

Why are you two even together?

So dysfunctional!

Each of you on your own is dysfunctional.

Are you sure he's that good?

He saved my marriage. I guarantee he's the best.

What do you mean?

Anyone can do what I do.

You just need to listen and be very sensitive.

- He says I look dumpy. - He could be right.

The dress is tight.

And I'm not crazy about your hair, it looks...

Excuse me?

Did you hurt yourself, darling?

Odd technique.

Must be American.

- Baby. - I'm OK, honey. I love your hair.

Alright...

"Honey", "Baby"...

You're almost reconciled.

Now tell me what you expect from your marriage?

I want three kids.

Three? Really?

- Isn't that a lot? - I want it.

OK, I want a dachshund.

I want you to work out.

Never mention Patrick.

Or your parents.

I want sex 3 times a week.

An orgasm once a month!

- Don't call me Mr. Stubs in bed. - Then no carrots.

OK, enough.

All right, I think you're ready now.

Yes, it's American.

I had a gift for making women happy.

I now declare you joined in marriage.

To be totally honest,

I made them happy when they were with other men.

I'm leaving.

Going already, doctor?

I'm not a doctor.

Doctor or not, helping those two, saved me from an ulcer!

Darling.

See you for cocktails.

What are the odds I'd meet a girl like her?

- Are we late? - What d'you think?

The odds she'd talk to me over a glass of warm Champagne?

They're mismatched.

Pardon?

The happy couple...

They're like a pickup truck hooked up to a Mercedes.

Are you a relative?

No. Thanks to me they're married...

Or because of me.

You're the great savior.

No, he died 2,000 years ago.

Julien.

Joanna... Delighted.

So, they're mismatched?

It's just...

He's the type who has a "type",

so I see him as a certain type, which I hate doing.

Now I'm babbling...

Not at all.

You're the type who doesn't have a type.

That's right.

Maybe I should though.

It's easier to choose.

Like real estate...

- Fully renovated, quiet. - Ventilated.

- Good location... - Nice beams.

Good evening.

Unbelievable, I can't see Marie anywhere.

You're sure it's the right place?

Wait here, I'll check.

- Your mother? - Yes.

She's charming.

Yes, or crazy. It depends.

Wrong wedding.

We can make it for dinner.

Here, have this.

Let's go.

Sorry, gotta go.

- Bye. - See you.

A normal guy would run after her.

Get her number or ask if I could see her again.

But the fact is, I've never been a normal guy.

It started with Sidonie...

She invited me to her birthday.

I was the only boy.

She had a crush on me.

I didn't understand much then

other than princesses had fiery temperaments.

Next, there was Nadege...

Ah, Nadege...

My first kiss...

Well... Almost.

It was almost her last.

Bye, Julien!

- Bye, Madame! - Be good.

I thought these girls were accident-prone.

Patricia made me realize I was the problem.

I know it sounds crazy,

but I was like a black cat girls should've avoided.

It's been like that ever since.

At least I got to meet Vincent, my best friend.

She's allergic to your saliva.

You brush your teeth twice a day?

With all these cases, they'll name the hospital after you.

???

Can you please repeat what you said slowly?

???

There's a real problem, I hear "you"...

???

That's right, but as for the rest...

I couldn't tell you.

A drink?

???

There's no hope? She's lost hope.

- You can't cope? - That's it.

It's a strain?

It's going to rain?

You're in pain?

I think she said get the hell out.

Women would pay good money for those lips.

So...

I didn't go after Joanna for her own good.

It's called self-control.

Hell, why not?

You...

I haven't thanked you.

With that kiss, the bride unknowingly saved Joanna.

That's what I thought.

With 5 million cars in Paris,

1 in 1,000 will have an accident...

My odds of finding Joanna.

SECOND CHANCE

What does he want?

I don't know.

When the boss doesn't say what's up,

it's like a guy saying "we need to talk."

It's never good news.

Meaning?

Getting fired.

I hadn't thought of that.

He's an ogre.

You trying to give me a stroke?

No, but...

You're in deep shit!

What?

Use your body.

Sophie, with a Master's in Art, I've got other attributes.

Yeah!

Who?

Who what?

Who did the drawing?

I did... It's a bottle stopper.

- It's crap. - Crap.

Big shit!

You're all wrong.

Pardon?

You're all wrong.

Move over a bit.

This way?

Over a bit...

No, a bit parallelically...

With the...

Sorry.

What do you see?

Your eyes.

What are they for?

I don't know.

To see!

He sees!

You know why?

You have optic nerves?

Because I'm a visionary!

You've heard about the company Dupont?

It's hit rock bottom.

They need a new vision

for their next electric car design.

Of course they thought of me!

Of course.

So, you're here because I've chosen you

to help me design

this new creation!

So?

You're fired!

I'm designing a car.

My dream come true.

That's awesome!

Yeah.

So you'll be working with him?

Yeah.

Awesome.

This is huge for me!

Awesome.

Imbecile. Dipshit. Pathetic!

Bastard! Prick! Motherfucker!

Drunk! Loser!

You limpdick!

Cocksucker! Son of a bitch!

Asshole! Sack of shit!

Dickhead!

Sorry, that's about it.

That was excellent.

Don't you think?

If you say so.

If you want him to listen, find the right words.

See you next week.

Goodbye.

I'll work on those insults.

Manuela, next couple please.

Yes, sir.

- You can go in. - Thanks.

This is where the miracles happen?

Not bad.

You were hard to find.

Really?

I've looked everywhere. I can't stop thinking of you.

Really?

You're the man I need.

Really?

We'll sign the contracts.

Trust me, no German will beat us.

How long will this take?

I won't be long. I'll call you when I'm done.

See you.

Richard.

So, you're going to fix our problems?

Let's do it.

So, on a scale of 1 to 10,

will you stay together if things don't change?

- Eight. - One.

Joanna always exaggerates.

He's right...

Zero.

Is it that bad, Jojo?

Will you stop calling me Jojo?

You like it.

No I don't! I never did. Do I call you Riri?

I save couples, but there's just so much I can do.

They were a bad couple.

But I was biased.

She was so...

So...

He used to look at me like you.

But now...

It's like I'm invisible.

Another question: Do you make love?

Yes.

- How often per week? - 15

13, but that's it. Our project's better.

Fix it.

Sorry, the Germans are dumping.

Where were we?

I was saying, you only caress your tactile screen.

I have to work.

She used to like that.

I don't know what I saw in him.

Maybe he was renovated, built well, quiet.

Hang on, I'll just take this.

What's the problem?

Not sure about quiet.

What do you mean, they like the Germans?

I have to go!

You're good. I already feel better.

Talk to Joanna, she'll report back to me.

He's gone.

Your success rate just dropped.

No.

I think so.

So...

What do you recommend for a breakup, other than vodka?

This is so therapeutic!

I hate losing!

Good, I don't like an easy win.

Call me Eye of the Tiger.

After we met, I had an erotic dream about you.

You did?

I warned you!

- I see. - I told you.

Want a drink?

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

You bastard,

sneaking off!

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

I've got a...

an appointment... with people.

I think that's mine.

So we agree, we've got no future?

Yeah.

- Is breakfast included? - I think so.

Shame to waste it.

Yeah. We could both use a cup of coffee.

Yeah.

- You bastard! - No!

- Are you kidding! - What about you?

- What about me? - You were leaving too.

I'm glad we slept together.

Now there's no ambiguity between us.

We can really be friends. That's so rare.

That's for sure.

You should always sleep with someone the first night,

it's good for a friendship.

Yeah.

I always say that.

I really have to go.

Wow, I'm really late.

Bye.

Bye.

This is the best morning after with no future I've had for a while.

Me too.

How about dinner?

- Since everything's clear... - Why not.

It won't mean a thing.

Nothing at all.

Since we slept together...

we can have an unambiguous relationship.

We can be real friends.

That's rare!

Unambiguous relationship?

Man, have you gone crazy or what?

I swear!

No strings means she's risk free.

Scratch my back please. Lower.

Oh, that's good.

Shit, that's so good.

That's so good.

Right there.

Shit, yes.

How come nothing happens to me?

No booboos, no problems, nothing.

We're not in love.

Huh? We're not in love?

After all we've been through?

Sorry to bother you...

- Oh Shit. - What?

Rumors run wild here. This is serious.

- Is it your image? - Stop.

I'm not kidding!

What do you want?

Shit!

I gotta sleep with her to prove I'm straight!

Seriously, I could do it, you don't know me.

In comparison to your ex, that girl's a top model.

Shut up!

Joanna's in deep shit.

There are no strings attached! So there's no risk!

Taxi!

Hi, I'm going to 355, avenue de Breuille in Gennevilliers.

I'm in a hurry.

No problem, lucky day! New voice GPS!

I don't understand.

Voice GPS. I speak, he understand.

You speak? He understand?

I'm in deep shit.

Address unknown, please repeat.

Sir? It's uh...

It's Gennevilliers.

Please repeat.

Unknown destination. Please repeat.

Me taxi!

Turn around as soon as possible.

Turn around as soon as possible.

You've arrived.

No understand.

You have a map of Paris?

Map of Paris? You know, a thing with pages in it,

with drawings of streets.

- You okay, Miss? - Yes, just fine.

I'm here to see Monsieur Dupont.

Elevator to the 3rd floor.

Hello.

What a nightmare!

No!

I don't mean to split hairs,

but being trapped here with a beauty like you

is a dream, not a nightmare!

I'm not sleeping with you, I'm in no mood!

I'd never presume...

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

Well I did. It's just, I'm a bit nervous.

I've got an appointment.

Does anything work in this place!

I'm going to be late!

I've a meeting with Dupont for their car designs.

That's good.

It is, thanks.

What the hell is this crap!

Is anyone there!

Nobody's there.

I'm missing the chance of a lifetime!

I can't believe it.

A leg up!

Pardon?

I need a leg up!

Heavier than I thought.

I've got big bones.

And spike heels!

This is my son,

a most promising young man,

which you can see for yourself.

As for this ambitious lady, we haven't met.

Perhaps she works for you?

No.

Yes.

This place looks fun.

It belongs to a friend. Here he is.

- You speak Korean? - A little.

Joanna.

Delighted.

You call that a little?

I helped his niece with her French husband.

She only knew one French word.

What?

Thanks. Limiting if your husband's a jerk.

I'm happy to be here.

Me too.

We've really got...

a connection.

We really do have a good connection.

This is the only good thing that's happened to me today.

I've had one of the worst days of my life.

One shitty thing after another.

Incredibly bad luck.

Totally unbelievable!

Really.

Are you OK?

Watch out!

He could've hit you.

You thought I'd get knifed?

Shit happens.

I guess...

Let's switch.

We can sit face to face.

Get a better view.

All right.

Yes, that's a fabulous view!

Was today that bad?

I had that meeting I mentioned earlier

about the important car project.

Are you listening?

Thank you.

That was nice. Not only did we eat well,

but there was action, too.

Careful!

Watch it!

I thought we had no future?

Yes.

Because you're very forward.

But I like it.

- Do you? - Yes.

How do you say "I like you" in Korean?

"I like you" (in Korean)

So, I imagine he's handsome? Tall? Well built.

Well, he's not really...

not really tall.

He's got these long lashes. they're really sweet. He's funny, too.

Long lashes, and laughs don't add up to love.

That's true.

Come on, we'll be late.

Another amazing thing,

I always feel safe around him.

Safe? You've had one shitty thing after another since you met him.

Yes, and he's always there to protect me.

He goes overboard a bit. He gave me a card for his doctor friend.

I'm a lamp.

I'm a sofa.

I'm a refrigerator, I am...

buildings, a toothbrush.

I am Markus,

I designed all these things!

No, I didn't design them. I created them, and they carry my name.

Carry his name.

Ladies and gentlemen.

In a few moments, I will be a car...

The Dupont car.

The Dupont car named Markus Dupont, Dupont Markus.

In a few moments, the event.

He ripped off the Citro�n DS.

You may clap, I won't be embarrassed.

I just can't believe it.

Can you believe Philippe Markus was my idol,

and I've just realized he's a fake.

He's run out of ideas!

Don't exaggerate. I own a lovely bottle stopper he designed!

It's broken, but it's pretty.

Did you hear what he said?

I'm a sofa, I'm a couch, I'm a lamp.

I'm a toothbrush, I'm a toilet bowl...

I just love working in toilets, don't you?

I get my best ideas here.

For example, you Joanna...

instead of working on the car design,

you'll work on the mock-up for the final model.

And you, there...

You'll work on those little trees planted near the highway

that the cars skid into.

Did he just threaten me with death?

I totally thought he'd fire me.

You poor darling.

You're in a negative energy field.

Mom, cut it out!

I don't believe that crap!

It's not crap! Since I retired, I've done research.

How can you retire if you never worked?

Don't change the subject.

How do you explain all your bad luck?

I don't know. I'm clumsy, distracted...

It's a bad phase.

But it's not all bad.

I met a guy.

- He's nice. - What about Richard?

You liked him, but it's over.

He had a cushy job. If you ever divorced...

He must be a good lover.

Wasn't he?

I'm getting stomped on for you.

If you could just...

Oh that negative energy.

So fascinating.

My stomach hurts.

My stomach hurts.

My stomach hurts.

We know her stomach hurts!

Mom?

Sweetie.

How are you?

I feel really good.

Is that normal?

It's the morphine!

You'll feel good.

You're okay. Only a few bruises.

You're pretty.

Yes, that's the morphine.

My stomach hurts.

We know your stomach hurts, Madam.

If it didn't, you wouldn't be here.

Toughen up.

My stomach hurts.

I'll get you a private room.

We can hardly talk around her.

I'll be right back.

My stomach hurts.

My stomach hurts.

My stomach hurts.

My stomach hurts.

My stomach hurts.

My stomach hurts.

My stomach hurts.

That's her.

Appendicitis. We'll take care of you.

What's this?

Appendicitis.

Great.

We've got quality today.

- She's pretty. - Not bad.

Are you kidding?

Look at those breasts!

Very nice.

Very firm, very hard.

She must be Slavic.

They're fake.

No way. Touch them, you'll see.

- So? - It seems real.

The other one, too.

You find these interesting now?

What d'you mean?

Nothing.

Scalpel.

Vincent, no!

She doesn't need surgery?

Just a teensy one?

It's on the house, for the pleasure.

You're a pain in the ass.

You know the patients I get here?

No, you've no idea.

This morning, I had an old lady with varicose veins.

Sound exciting?

No?

It's too much.

- It's OK. - We have to break up.

Come on, pal.

Let it all out.

Have a good cry.

We're men after all.

You can handle this.

Hang in there!

See you.

No.

Marjorie?

Excuse me...

We've worked together, but don't know each other.

Would you like to go for a drink?

I've been looking all over for you!

Hi, Sophie.

They almost operated!

Yes, but Julien stopped them, as usual.

Julien?

What if it's him?

Him what?

What if he's cursed?

Oh no, you're not going to start.

I just got out of surgery.

When did this bad luck begin?

When they met.

I can't believe it.

That's when I made my biggest mistake.

Instead of leaving her,

we went to my parents'.

That weekend in the county was a very bad idea.

This weekend is a great idea.

It's really peaceful there,

and less risky than Paris.

It'll be good after all I've been through.

And there's the DS.

On Monday, I'm going to Brussels with Markus

to present his rotten design.

What a disaster.

Make your own.

What do you mean?

Create your own project.

Take a chance on your dream.

Maybe you're right.

You know I'm always right.

It's quiet there, so you can work... after you've tamed Attila.

Attila?

He likes you a lot!

I'd say so.

Julien likes you, too.

Not quite like this.

Are those storks?

They're my pride and joy.

It took years to attract them.

If they left, I'd feel so alone.

You have your wife.

Yes, of course.

I have my wife.

They're together because of me.

Really? What do you mean?

I was ten.

My parents fought non-stop.

I decided to do something.

I read everything written about couples.

I put it into practice.

Remember the word "communication".

And it worked.

We wish you as much happiness.

Yes, Mom?

How are you, sweetie?

I've been thinking. Come home now.

You're in danger.

I've been with Julien non-stop.

I'm just fine.

But Sophie's right!

He's cursed!

You're in danger around him.

- Leave him now. - No!

You have to. He exudes danger!

- No! - Leave before it's too late!

Can I get a word in?

Leave him, he's dangerous.

I want you to be safe.

I know you do.

- Leave! - No!

Why not?

Because I don't want to!

Oh no.

Oh no.

I'm so sorry. I just want to disappear.

I'd offer the nest, but that's out.

It's not that bad.

We're well insured.

And we're used to it.

- Used to it? - Yes.

Julien's had a lot of unlucky girlfriends.

Is that so?

Yes.

Were they unlucky before meeting you?

Yes, of course.

You don't think Julien brought them bad luck?

Joanna, we have to talk.

Did you hear that?

I told her everything.

Sidonie catching on fire, Nadege's teeth.

The skin graft on Patricia's butt.

I laid it all out.

Julie electrocuted by her toaster.

Ariane's unfortunate bungee jump.

Veronique, Sandrine...

After all that, any woman would left running.

What'll you do?

What'll I do?

I've had some bad luck lately,

but to suggest it's your fault...

I don't buy that.

You'll be in danger with me.

Other girls were OK after they left me.

How do you know?

I ran into one... Alice.

Hurry Benjamin or we'll be late.

Hi, Alice. How are you?

I was in the area.

Get back inside!

Mom...

Are you OK, Alice?

No more hospitals.

No more doors in my face.

I'm doing fine now, understand?

My life was never better.

Get out and never come back!

You see?

You just want to break up with me,

and this is your excuse.

I don't want to break up.

I've never been happier.

So there's no reason to break up.

None.

I thought she'd gone.

But instead,

she was working.

- You're here? - Working on the designs.

They're not bad.

I drove her to the train station for her meeting.

My train's in 45 minutes.

If you drive this slow I won't make it.

Stop being paranoid.

The road's empty, we'll be fine.

It's true.

You're right.

Is that a tire?

Yes.

I don't understand.

I'll take a taxi.

I understand.

Unbelievable.

I've researched cursed people.

They exist, and there are all sorts.

Some of them are the real deal.

In general, there's one catastrophe...

One thinks he's jinxed.

Another case, there was a couple, and the girl was cursed.

She had a poodle. I'll spare you the details.

One day the dog bit the boyfriend.

The guy got rabies. Imagine that!

Rabies in this day and age?

It's...

You okay?

No. I've been listening to your awful stories.

So you believe me?

I don't know.

But I'm dreading this meeting.

You believe me.

I'm not sure... that's different.

I've got stories that are worse.

Gloves.

It's not difficult!

Can you stop with all this now.

It's annoying.

Asshole!

Did you try the new position?

We did everything you said.

The proof.

It's hopeless. We've been married too long.

No, we'll find the answer.

I think we can spice things up.

It's scary at first,

but very effective.

It's not my bag.

- Thank you. - My pleasure.

Your name?

- Joanna Sorini. - Okay.

There's a problem with your room.

What is it?

The room was flooded today.

Sorry, it was a stroke of bad luck.

Oh no.

- I have a solution... - The laundy room?

The presidential suite, madam.

You have a small kitchen at your disposal,

along with a dining room,

bedroom,

and bathroom.

I hope this is satisfactory.

Yes.

Unbelievable.

Did you dump him?

No! I'll ty again.

It's the distance.

That's it. He's got no power when he's far enough away.

Who cares! No more curse, my luck's back.

It's back.

Calm down.

I'm going to show Markus my designs, and he'll love them!

One more go!

Taxi!

Mr. Markus?

Yes?

I've been thinking about our project.

I've got a suggestion for an idea, well, more of a lead...

Yes. For the...

Hello everyone.

No touching.

I'd like you to meet the CEO of Nakita,

Pakidok.

This is the famous Philippe Markus.

Oh, no! Please.

Delighted.

Shut up.

Tell these characters... Translate,

I'm inspired by yellow.

Spatiotemporal inspiration.

I wore this orange suit.

As an homage to Picasso.

I wanted to explain...

I can only say "delighted".

Ah, that's all he can say.

And I can say "You're fired!"

Get lost!

Take Spanish lessons. Get the hell out!

I work with pros! Translate that!

Sorry.

Let's sit down and get started.

Ladies, gentlemen, gentlemen, ladies...

Today, you will witness

the birth of a car.

Not just a useful object,

but if I may say in all modesty,

a work of art.

Ladies, gentlemen, today I present to you

not simply the new car,

but car-art!

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's share

in the birth

my masterpiece: the new Dupont!

Is this a joke?

What do you mean? Don't you like it?

Yes, I love it.

You scared me!

I thought the innovative aspect shocked you.

Understandably!

I've loved it for years.

Pardon?

I've owned three since the 1955 car show.

That car, my friend,

is a DS.

A DS?

What are you saying?

It's nothing like a DS!

This is not a DS bumper,

this is not a DS door!

What are you talking about!

But it all adds up to a DS.

It is not a DS!

So this glass bottle...

It's like a bottle of Coke because it's glass?

So it's a bottle of Coke!

Are you happy?

This ashtray's glass,

so it's a bottle, like a bottle of Coke.

I'm drinking a Coke!

The Chinaman's glasses...

They're glass, so they must be a Coke! Dammit!

You've wasted enough of our time!

The chandelier is a table lamp!

Hello, table lamp!

The carpet... It's a doormat!

Wait!

You like him?

You like him?

That's all I know in Korean.

I'm sorry, but I think...

it's important that I talk to him.

At least, I hope.

I have another proposal.

Another possible design.

Let me show you.

Please, I'll be quick.

Why don't we listen. We've come a long way.

We're already here,

we should give her a chance.

Right, Martin?

Thank you.

All I have are a few sketches...

rough ideas.

But it should give you a clear idea of my design.

Yes.

Martin!

How embarrassing.

No.

Not at all.

It's not...

Scandalous!

I just lost the job of my dreams,

with a dildo in my hand.

You see.

Now you believe me?

I don't know.

Yeah, maybe.

Take the designs.

No, I blew it.

I looked at them. They're great.

You can still present them.

You know it could work.

Here.

There.

Lucky they didn't get wet.

Oh shit!

I can't believe it!

I can't take any more!

Leave me alone!

Get away!

I never want to see you again!

I can't handle it!

It's over!

I never want to see you again. Never!

Yes?

- May I? - It's you.

You're delighted to see me.

Let me guess...

Caught in the shower in your clothes?

I swam in the fountain.

Your life's exciting.

You have no idea. On top of having a totally rotten day,

I dumped the man I love.

- There... - Oh?

I thought I was the man you love.

My father thinks so.

He thinks we're a nice pair.

Are you here to ask me to marry you?

No, not at all.

I want your designs.

I convinced Dad to take a look.

Not that he didn't like your idea.

He's just more interested in cars than female sexuality.

I'm the opposite.

I can't.

Why not?

Look.

This complicates things.

Yes.

No... It looks good.

You know what we'll do?

You return to Paris, redo these.

When you're done, call me.

I'll arrange a meeting with my dad.

Why do that for me?

We all deserve a second chance.

And for once, I agree with my father.

We're great together, don't you think?

You're smiling.

After that huge fiasco,

I sought refuge with my one success story.

My parents.

Dad, Mom?

Are you here?

Who's that?

A friend.

Where's Mom?

Her place.

Her place?

She has a place in Paris.

With Marc.

Marc?

Her boyfriend.

What the hell's going on?

You're right, Julien.

You're old enough to know.

Yes Dad, I'm old enough, I'm 35.

Remember that fuss you made to save our marriage?

In 5th grade?

You were so sweet to do all that.

Your mom and I didn't have the heart to hurt you.

We pretended to reconcile.

But we still fought in secret.

That's it.

We both had affairs.

Things worked out when you left home.

Your mother moved out.

She comes back when you visit.

- Really? - You're so polite...

You always Iet us know you're coming.

My life was a total sham.

I needed the truth.

You know what'll happen?

You're in phase 4.

Constant fighting.

Discovering your partner's true nature.

Enjoy this phase.

It gets even worse.

The hate will seep in.

You'll stop talking.

All communication will end.

You'll reach the final stage.

Separation.

Later, custody battles.

Alimony, thoughts of suicide...

Hours just staring at the Public Affairs Channel...

There you have it,

that'll be 75 euros.

Are you all right, sir?

By then I'd lost all hope.

Then the unexpected happened.

I know how you feel...

I was depressed.

I'm fine, I'm not depressed.

Don't give up.

There's a way out.

I tried hypnotherapy.

I discovered the source of my troubles.

It worked? You're cured?

Not really, but I understand now.

The next couple's here.

Should I just refer them to a divorce lawyer?

I miss him.

I've lost my inspiration.

Listen, Joanna.

What was your dream as a kid?

Julien, or the cars you'd create one day?

I'm not a kid.

Exactly. Go for your dream!

Forget Julien and design the car!

I'm going to go take a nap.

I didn't know motivating someone was so tiring.

Oh, my darling, are you this lonely?

It's great!

It might be, but nothing replaces human warmth.

How does this work anyway?

Wait, let go...

Tilt it a bit.

That's good.

Touch it.

Don't move!

It's not bad.

I like the shape.

I don't know why...

It reminds me of something...

Really?

You're talented.

But I'm not the only one to decide.

There's the Korean I sold the shares to.

You know what?

I'm going to call your boss.

That nervous little snob.

I'll tell him to put you back on the project.

You like that?

Yes, I do.

Consider it done.

How can I thank you?

You can join me for dinner.

We can meet in a restaurant instead of an elevator.

But it's fine if you prefer a more confined space.

I had a complicated breakup.

That's fine since I'm very uncomplicated.

- Really? - Yes.

We'll have dinner together, with fine wine.

Then we'll make love later.

That'll be...

A very uncomplicated relationship.

I guess.

Well, uh...

May I think it over?

Make it short.

- See you. Thanks. - See you.

He watches the spiral...

He listens to the fountain of life...

He watches the spiral.

He drinks the elixir of the mountains, perfumed with flowers.

I don't know why I came.

I don't think my problem's that bad.

I'll come back another time.

He doesn't move!

He concentrates and drinks the elixir.

He returns

to the source of his pain.

He closes his eyes.

So he can see better...

It's like I don't exist.

He doesn't sit next to me in class anymore.

Negation of the other.

Feelings of abandonment.

The other day he even said I was a bad kisser.

Physical disparagement.

Tell me if I'm a bad kisser.

Pardon?

So, Monnier...

Life's going good for you?

- It's not what you think! - Think I'm dumb?

You're not dumb, just unfair!

She kisses well!

Okay, you bastard, this means war!

I curse you Monnier!

I curse you 'til the end of time!

Damien Marpeaux! It was Damien Marpeaux!

It's his fault!

Damien Marpeaux...

That was the little shithead!

- Hello. - It's about an account.

To open or close one?

I want to settle an old account.

Look at me.

Julien. I was in your 5th grade class.

You don't remember?

This is a joke.

The guys are behind this?

No, it's no joke!

You cursed me when I kissed your girl.

Now, I wreak havoc on women!

Duroy! Are you the one behind this?

Think this is funny, Marpeaux

Lift this curse, or I'll break your face!

Let go of me!

Lift the curse!

You're nuts!

OK! Whatever... It's lifted. Let me go!

You did it?

Yes, it's lifted.

Thanks, Damien.

So, how're things?

Follow me, sir.

When my dad heard we were going out,

he literally jumped for joy.

He said he'd put me back in his will.

That must be good news.

No, I'm just kidding.

I'm already in his will.

Oh, yes of course.

How funny!

I have the sense

you're not having such a good time.

I'm a bit distracted.

Your complicated break up?

Yes.

- You know what would help? - No.

Eat a little,

then drink some wine,

but mostly, kiss me.

Joanna!

Do you mind? Thanks.

Sophie said you were here.

Hi, Julien. Nice to meet you.

Hi.

I figured it out.

What are you doing here?

It's all Damien's fault! He put a curse on me in 5th grade!

He lifted it at the bank.

It's over. No more bad luck!

Okay...

Are you all right?

You know none of this makes sense?

You have to believe me!

It's over. We can be in love!

We can go on vacation to Columbian jungles with the guerillas,

get married,

on the 13th day of the month...

walk under a ladder with a black cat.

What proves it?

This!

Julien... this isn't

appropriate.

But look, nothing's happening.

Wait a sec.

It's gone.

Sorry, it's kind of a small test.

- Don't be offended. - Of course.

- Nothing happened. - No!

Nothing.

Nothing's happening.

Anything wrong?

Are you allergic to oysters?

No, not until now.

You've got a...

Where?

All over.

I was destined to be alone forever.

But like all condemned prisoners,

I kept thinking of the happy times.

It's weird how we think about painful things

when we should just forget.

How could I forget?

Crazy ideas went through my head.

And I picked the craziest.

The new Dupont is a design revolution.

With 0% CO2 emissions,

the Dupont is the future

of the planet.

Its aerodynamic lines

were designed

to give excellent air penetration.

Its sensual shape will seduce you.

Its electric motor glides you along without vibration.

The new Dupont, the freedom to dare.

There you have it.

Are there any questions?

I'm very taken with the idea.

What did he say?

He likes it.

My dear, you just saved the French auto industy.

Thank you.

I was right.

As usual.

Philippe Markus. Designer.

Phillipe Markus. Designer.

I was right to give you my trust.

I'm proud of myself.

Everyone, listen...

I was always behind her, encouraging her.

She couldn't have done it without me.

It's amazing to inspire someone like that.

Philippe Markus. Think of me.

Is it me, or is he back to normal?

Hello, I'm Joanna's mother.

Philippe Markus.

Look...

Did you sleep with him?

Why do you ask?

The way he looks at you.

It's obvious he slept with you.

Is it serious?

It's a bit early to say.

You could've told me!

So it's over with Julien?

I think so.

Listen,

if he leaves you, for some totally inexplicable reason,

give him my number?

Okay

Good evening.

You blew me away.

Everyone asked what inspired you.

I honestly couldn't tell them.

It's better that way.

Anyway, you really came through.

And by chance,

I have a small gift for you.

My father suggested a ring.

This is less radical.

You're crazy!

He says I can't do better than you.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

I propose a toast...

to the elevator

where we met.

Sometimes a curse can be lucky.

Say that again?

Can you repeat what you just said?

Really, I've said better things.

More memorable.

Mom, Sophie...

I made a big mistake.

Me too. I mixed Champagne and Mojitos.

No. Julien,

he wasn't bad luck. He was good luck!

Never drink if you're pregnant.

Without all those problems,

my dreams wouldn't have come true.

Julien was the luck of my life.

I only realized that now.

And she's happy about it.

Where's she going?

Where'd he go? I tried calling!

I don't know. I don't know.

I know he gave up everything. His work, his apartment.

This can't be.

He said there was nothing left for him here,

it was totally hopeless.

When did he leave?

He left a month ago.

I can't reach him?

No. He got rid of his phone, and no more Facebook.

He totally dropped out.

Vincent? We're waiting.

Sorry.

I'm upset, too. I really wanted to thank him.

It's thanks to him that I found...

love.

He brought you luck, too.

Yes.

Coming, sweetie.

Good luck, Joanna.

Thanks a lot.

Joanna.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Please answer. Please, please, please...

You've reached Julien. Don't leave any messages.

Bye.

Julien it's me. Please, I have to talk to you.

And I'm going to.

213 days later

Grand Cr�cheux Monastery...

Total population: 58 monks.

Chance of meeting a woman: Zero.

213 days since I caused a woman bad luck.

Say what you want, it's restful.

Julien, quick! We need you!

- Silence is basic! - St. Beno�t is a bad example.

Silence means entering into communion with God.

Don't inflict your interpretation on me!

- Lucky I vowed compassion! - And me non-violence!

Gentlemen, please! Calm down!

On a scale of 1 to 10, will you stay together if things don't change?

Life was peaceful with my new friends.

I quickly found a place in the community.

It's an odd technique.

Must be American.

Life was calm...

Very calm.

For the first time in my life I was happy.

Very happy.

I'd reached a new level of fulfillment and detachment.

News from the car world: The Dupont electric car has come out.

With me today is Monsieur Dupont.

First of all

your son Martin is getting married today

to the woman who helped create the new car.

I've heard

it's a real fairy tale that will make the headlines.

Any comments...

Nothing could affect me anymore. I was healed.

Julien?

Hello, Brother Bertrand.

I'd like my phone, the portable one.

My cell phone.

What is your reason?

To make a call.

You can use the abbey phone once a week.

Those are the rules.

- I know... - The phone is a temptation.

It's evil. We must protect you.

Thank you. I understand, but it's really important.

Who do you want to call?

Joanna.

Joanna... That's a woman.

Yes, she's a woman.

Contact with women...

Give me the damn phone!

Vincent said you didn't leave an address.

We have to talk. I just realized...

You weren't bad luck. You were the luck of my life.

They chose my design for the new car.

I created the car my dream of a lifetime!

Why did Monsieur Dupont notice me?

I got stuck in an elevator with his son.

How did I get the idea for the car?

My first designs ended up in the water.

How did I come up with the new design?

I took the wrong bag.

Come back.

Enough is enough.

The bad luck inspired the car.

I took out life insurance. Things will be OK.

I've been calling for the last month.

I just can't anymore.

You're the reason my dream came true. Please call me.

It's me again...

I've stopped hoping you'll come home,

so I'll have to go on

without you.

The Abbey was 747 km from Paris.

27 km of back roads, 240 km of main roads,

480 km of highway, not counting traffic jams.

100,000 cars per hour, 15 meter per second headwind.

The chance I'd arrive before Joanna's wedding

was precisely 1.7%. Could be worse.

You've reached Joanna. Leave a message. Talk to you soon.

Still not answering.

Don't worry, we'll make it.

Thanks for picking me up.

Are you kidding? We're glad you're back.

We want you to be the baby's Godfather.

It's a boy. We'll call him Julien.

We're having him thanks to you.

Mostly thanks to me. I gave my best shot.

I did great! We did great. Teamwork. But we'll name him Julien.

All this time I thought I was cursed, but I wasn't.

Will I ever get used to it?

To love and cherish all the days of your life?

Yes.

Thanks buddy!

You're a champ! Go for it!

Julien!

Go for it, champ!

- Vincent? - Yes, Sweetie?

I think my water broke.

You can't top this.

One Julien's going, another's coming out.

It's an amazing moment... You realize that?

OK, hang on.

Do you take Martin to be your husband?

No, please! Don't do it!

It's not Joanna.

It's you.

Sorry about that.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, excuse me.

It's not Joanna.

Congratulations.

Carry on.

Julien!

What took you so long?

Give me a second chance.

- On one condition. - What?

Keep bringing me bad luck!

Okay. Let's continue.

- No changing your mind. - No.

Sophie, do you take Martin as your husband...

In fairy tales, the princess gets Prince Charming.

But what's great,

they also marry guys like me.

And what could be better?