Original subtitles

Warning: This is not a true story.

It did not happen. It cannot happen.

This is pure fiction.

Any similarity to real events or persons,

dead, alive, or dying

is purely coincidental.

Announcing the arrival of Japan Airlines flight JL-903 from Tokyo.

May I, sir?

Beautiful doll!

For daughter of my Filipino friend.

Thank you, sir. Welcome to the Philippines!

Long live!

Thank you very much! I'm so excited to be in the Philippines.

Goodbye!

Excuse me, sir. May I see the doll again?

Next time, okay?

Goodbye.

My doll!

My doll! My beautiful doll! Stop!

The Japanese embassy will catch you!

To the police! Call the police!

Japanese, sir?

Yes!

Peace, man!

May I see your guitar?

Wow, man, why also my guitar?

Hey, man, what's the big deal?

My guitar!

Shut up!

Stop it! This pig!

These pigs!

This is the final call for passengers of Japan Airlines flight JL-906 bound for Tokyo.

Are you traveling alone, ma'am?

Alone? Oh yes!

I work for Japan Travel Bureau.

You know, JTB?

Hospitality girl. Understand?

Stop that! That tickles!

Stop molesting me!

Yes, Boss!

Hey, Onota!

Three times you've fumbled!

Three times, understand?

Yes!

You never do anything right.

You're so undependable!

You're so stupid to get caught!

Yes!

I was shamed!

Me!

The Grand Master! By a two-bit Jap like you!

Yes!

No more mistakes.

No more mistakes!

Understand?

Yes!

You've got one more chance.

Okay?

Yes!

Show me you're a true Yakuza!

Yes!

I understand, Boss.

And if you fumble again...

Yes...

Let me finish!

Do you know the penalty?

Yes Boss, I do.

Another finger.

Wrong!

Not a finger next time!

Oh Boss!

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please.

We are now making our final approach to Manila International Airport.

To all passengers, please return to your seats, fasten your seatbelts,

ensure that your seat backs are in upright position, your tables locked,

and please observe the no smoking sign.

For your information, the local time in Manila is...

Won't you go back to your seat? We're about to land.

I'll stay here and keep you company.

What's your name?

Anything bothering you?

Is it obvious?

A bit. Need any help?

Won't you go back to your seat?

We're about to land.

Glad I got none.

None?

No problems.

What's your name?

Angie...

Ah, Angie.

Melanie! You know Johnny?

You know this pest?

Of course. He courted me before.

In Grade School.

Go back to your seat. You'll get us in trouble.

Okay. Bye, Angie.

On behalf of Air Manila, Captain Ilustre, and the rest of his crew,

we hope you had a pleasant flight with us and we look forward to seeing you again

on one of our future flights.

Thank you and have a pleasant stay.

Hey, man, you cool?

Cool.

Met that flight attendant.

- She okay? - Great!

Nonong! Johnny!

Hey! Cut it out! That's enough!

- Don't I get a kiss? - Of course!

- Hey, man! - I've got news for you!

I'm sorry!

We clinched a contract with "The Windmill."

Don't we get a break?

We need the bread!

Welcome to the Philippines, Mister Onota!

I'm Wagner, your bodyguard and friend!

Idiot! Quickly!

Nancy! Wake up! Your mom will kill us!

Nancy! Nancy!

Johnny! Johnny!

I know it's 10 o'clock. I woke up early.

Nancy's your problem. I've got mine.

Three, four, five, six, seven...

Rose, answer it.

Seven, six, five, four, three, two...

Hello?

Yes?

Yes?

Who's calling, please?

For a while.

Melanie, it's for you. It's Johnny.

I don't know a Johnny. Must be a mistake.

Hello?

Johnny, whom do you want to talk to?

Melanie?

- Regarding what matter? - Rose, stop it!

Hello?

- Johnny? Who are you? - Rose!

He says he's Johnny Roces!

Hello, Mr. Roces.

Don't call me that. Just Johnny, please.

Okay. Why did you call?

- Why are you out of breath? - We're exercising.

- Who's we? - My co-boarders. Ella...

What do you want?

- May I invite you tonight? - To what?

Our opening night at "The Windmill," a new pub.

You got time to waste?

Tonight? Let me think. What's there to see?

Just us.

I mean you can watch us sing.

- Come on, so you can meet Nonong. - Who's he?

Nonong. We were on the plane together.

We write and arrange songs for our band.

Okay?

- I'll think about it. - What's to think about?

Okay, what time?

Around 8?

Be exact! 8!

- Okay. 8. - Okay.

By the way, how'd you get my number?

- From Ella. - Fast worker!

Life is short. Gotta move fast.

- Where do you live? - You don't know?

No... Then go ask Ella. Bye!

♪ I can hardly remember ♪

♪ When I started singing ♪

♪ I dreamed of fame ♪

♪ Of someday being a star ♪

♪ It's been so long I've done a lot of things ♪

♪ Written a lot of songs ♪

♪ But I can't seem to reach that dream ♪

♪ The dream of becoming a star ♪

♪ But I still go on hoping ♪

♪ That someday you'll listen ♪

♪ And I still go on singing ♪

♪ 'Cause someday I'll be a star ♪

♪ I've come a long way ♪

♪ Since I started ♪

♪ As a child who loved to sing ♪

♪ With an old, borrowed guitar ♪

♪ It's been so long I've done a lot of things ♪

♪ Written a lot of songs ♪

♪ But I can't seem to reach that dream ♪

♪ I am not yet a star ♪

♪ But I still go on hoping ♪

♪ That someday you'll listen ♪

♪ And I still go on singing ♪

♪ 'Cause someday I'll be a star ♪

♪ I'll be a star ♪

♪ I'll be a star ♪

How are you?

I'll take one.

The thing is... What did you say?

You're good. I'm glad I came.

Thanks.

But my throat's sore.

Isn't that bad for singers?

That's what they say but it doesn't affect my voice.

I just harmonize anyway. I can always fake it.

Nancy, don't forget the music sheets.

Got them.

Are we rehearsing tonight?

Okay by me.

Nancy?

Okay.

Rehearsing? At this time?

We usually do after a show.

No other time.

Especially after your performance tonight.

And you came in late!

Who? Me?!

- Want to come, Melanie? - Where?

My place.

- It's 1:30 already. Just take me home. - So what if it's 1:30? That's not late.

- But it's... - You're coming with us!

Okay.

Don't forget to shower.

Do you live with your parents?

No, they're in the States.

Been there for four years.

My sister married an American.

They went there for the wedding and stayed on.

Once in a while they come visit.

So you live alone.

No, Nonong's with me. We share expenses.

Nice arrangement. At least I'm not alone.

And there's Melody, Mom's former housekeeper.

Are Nonong's parents in the States, too?

Nope. They're here...

I mean...

Nonong's a problem to them.

Am I right, Nong?

Nong?

Nong! Are you asleep?

- Nong! - I'm not a problem. They are!

Hey! That's enough! Let's go in!

In a minute.

- Let's go inside. - Okay.

This is a scary house.

It's old and big.

Aren't you scared living here?

I'm used to it.

- Only looks scary at night. - What?

This house.

Sure it's not haunted?

I haven't seen anything but you can never tell.

But sometimes I hear things.

Like what?

Different sorts. Scraping sounds. Strange sounds. People walking around.

Johnny, don't scare me.

I'm not. That's the way with old houses.

This one's built in 1950, then twice remodeled.

Grandpa died in this house. His wake was here, too.

Our old cook died of a stroke here.

I was ten years old.

What's that?

I dropped the house key.

Tough luck!

Want to help look?

It must be here, I'm sure.

I'll look here. You look there.

Okay.

It's so dark. What's it like?

Be patient.

You see it yet?

I see it very well.

Where is it?

Hey, Mr. Roces! Break it up!

Up to your old tricks.

What's going on?

I lost the house key.

That's a new tactic.

Why didn't you just ring the bell?

Melody's not home. It's her day off.

You mean we can't get in?

Do something! Come on, let's wait by the door.

What happened there?

He was trying to scare me. He's such a kid!

Don't ever call him that! It'll ruin his image.

You mean his glamor boy image?

That's what he thinks but he can't pull it off.

- Goodbye, poise? - Goodbye, glamor!

Nonong's different?

Of course, he's serious and a one-woman man.

What about Johnny?

He's so elusive, like a wild bird.

Got a flashlight?

Nope. Where's yours?

Didn't you borrow it to fix your turntable?

- This house really haunted? - Nonsense. Don't believe him.

That's my jacket.

It was in the car. Can I wear it?

What's keeping them? Mosquitoes will eat us up.

- What's the time? - Almost 2.

Your lighter.

- What lighter? - Give me your lighter.

Careful. That's from Japan.

It's a fake.

Made in Japan.

What kind is it?

Disposable.

Then let's dispose of it!

Hey! Are we sleeping out here?

Go away!

What assholes! Mosquitoes will eat us up here. Scatterbrains...

Johnny! Nonong! Quick!

Coming!

What is it?

- A corpse! - A corpse?

Don't act like gays!

- Do something! - Turn on the lights!

- Nonong, the lights! - Why me?

Who else?

Go on!

It's Melody! She's dead!

Dead?

Wow! This is a bad trip!

Let's help her.

Melody, why are you tied up?

Who did this to you?

What?

Idiots! Can't you see she can't talk?

Rape!

Rape?

No! I only thought so.

Melody, what happened to you?

I'm getting there.

This will take all night!

Right! I was hogtied all night!

See, I'd planned to go to Novaliches to bring Saling to the charity ward.

And then?

I was about to go,

getting some stuff together...

when the doorbell rang!

What did you do?

I opened the door!

Didn't I instruct you to check through the window before opening the door?

Right!

But it was just Minda...

the new maid next door.

Did she tie you up?

Who? Minda?

Why would she do that? She's such a nice girl.

She just wanted some tomatoes.

Tomatoes?

Yes! Tomatoes!

Me watching Johnny house.

Where the Jap?

Also here.

You watch good.

Okay.

She was making chicken stew. She's quite a cook!

After she left, I was about to get dressed when the doorbell rang again.

You checked it out?

Of course! Didn't you instruct me to check through the window before opening the door?

And then?

- Would you believe it was a priest? - A priest?

Priest? Are they still around?

Can you describe him?

Fat! Sweaty and black!

Did you get his name?

No time to ask...

but as I was making coffee...

I heard a thud from your room.

A thud?

I peeked, and I saw him ransacking your room!

What!

Crap.

"Ramsacked!"

Nothing's missing.

He wasn't after money.

What did that priest want?

Nancy, don't be naive. That was no priest.

Let's call the police.

But what will we tell them? Nothing was stolen.

Right! But look at this mess!

Call the police!

Melanie, give me the phone book.

Where's the nearest...?

Wait! Quiet, everyone!

What's wrong?

Someone's out there!

Where?

Melody, turn off the light!

He's watching the house.

You're right.

Melody, do you recognize him?

Is that the priest?

How can I see in the dark?

Could be Elizabeth's brother.

Who?

Idiot! I didn't touch her!

What's that?

Wow, man. That looks like a knife!

What was that about?

Johnny, take me home. I'm scared.

I'm sleeping here.

Not tonight. Your mom's gonna freak.

What do we do now, Boss?

I'm thinking.

Maybe now we call up Master...

Shut up!

You're such a pest.

Sorry, Boss.

Got an idea...

A cute idea...

Hello?

Yes?

Is this Charity Steam Laundry?

Who's this?

Virgie! Melody?

Virgie!

Saling has given birth!

Really? What is it?

A baby!

I should be with her right now but we had trouble last night.

Richard pestering you again?

I don't care about him! After what he did to me!

Damn that Richard!

Melody, you take men too seriously.

I've got to see you.

Not now. We've got deliveries to make.

Oh yes! Before I forget...

...send someone over to pick up the laundry.

My boys just got back from Japan.

3 o'clock okay?

Okay, fine!

I'll wait.

Very good, Boss.

I don't understand.

They pick up laundry at 3 o'clock, Boss.

3 o'clock?

Really? Well done!

Very good! Very good! Now we got them!

Handle these with care. They're from Japan.

Lucky clothes! They can travel!

Don't worry, we'll do a good job. We're leaving now.

See you next week.

Hey! Wait!

Don't I get a receipt? Don't I sign anything?

Of course. Sorry.

- Where do I sign? - Down there.

Hey! I've seen you before!

Really?

Yes, you remind me of someone...

...can't remember who.

Well, this face is quite common.

Ouch!

That jacket from Japan, too?

What jacket?

Oh, that!

Why not have it cleaned?

Johnny's still using it.

Next time, okay?

Might as well take it now.

He didn't say he wanted it cleaned.

What's wrong with him? Can't he speak?

You know, you look like someone...

...someone on TV.

About this jacket, shall we take it now?

We got a special offer. More clothes mean 50% off!

Why didn't you say so? That's a new gimmick.

Okay. Let's not fight over a jacket.

Okay, thanks a lot.

Okay.

Thanks a lot.

♪ It's simple and familiar to us... ♪

♪ ...the old... ♪

None again, Boss?

Idiot!

You're the stupidest bodyguard on this planet!

They should ship you to Japan...

...and cut off all your fingers! Damn!

What's going on?

It's these two.

They're so annoying.

I told them the laundry's been taken.

But we were sent over.

- From what laundry? - Charity Steam Laundry.

I'll tell Virgie about you!

Go ahead! We're just doing our job.

- Roces! - If something happens to my laundry, you'll see.

- What is it? - You forgot the cassette for Melanie.

Is that breakfast or lunch?

Both. What about you?

Juice is fine.

There was lots of food at my place this morning.

Anyone's birthday?

No, Ella's leaving for Amsterdam today.

So you're alone?

That's okay. I'm leaving in a week.

Why?

I only got a week off.

Besides, Rose is there...

Is that eaten with salt?

No, but I got my own way.

Adds flavor...

...especially with fresh fish.

Do you know that Japanese food is healthier with...

...salt?

Hello!

I don't want to get involved.

I learned my lesson.

What happened?

A long story. You'll fall asleep.

Promise I won't.

You don't stop, do you?

Well, to make a long story short...

I had a boyfriend.

But as it turned out...

...he was living with someone else.

I even knew the girl.

Like a movie.

But true.

Johnny, isn't that too hot?

The hotter, the better.

Really?

That's your problem?

Yes, that's it.

I was rude on the plane.

We had just broken up.

I'm sorry.

I'm not. I learned something...

...no more involvements for me.

Won't you change your mind?

Don't think so.

Know something, Melanie?

You're one of a kind.

I'm attracted to you...

...not only because you're pretty...

...but also because...

Give me that!

It is hot!

Look at these titles! "For Serafin", "Ponso's Syndicate"...

Are these for real?

We're unconventional! Didn't you notice that all the new songs...

...are about love or unhappy love affairs. They're all the same.

Tiresome, aren't they?

I haven't noticed.

I composed most of them.

Especially when I'm inspired.

"Operetang Dugtong-dugtong" is about a girl dying of cancer,

but she doesn't know.

"Kakabakaba Ka Ba?" is about a young man...

...with a big secret.

He puts up a front...

...but inside him his heart beats fast! So scared to be found out!

Johnny, what if that priest returns?

I don't know. We'll see.

What do you mean?

Let me and Nonong worry about it.

Why not tell the police?

We should, but it would be difficult.

Would they believe us?

At least you've told them. They can probably watch your place.

Hi, you must be Johnny. I'm Rose.

Rose, has Ella left?

Just now.

Any message?

No, but you've got a visitor.

Who?

I don't know him. A priest.

A priest?

Are you sure?

Can't be mistaken.

Come over here!

Why did you let him in?

He wanted to see you.

Where is he?

Having coffee in the dining room. What's going on?

Johnny, he followed us.

Don't worry. I'll take care of this.

Come with me.

Who are you?

- Lord Jesus! - Why did you follow us?

Johnny!

Damn you! He's mine!

Stop it! You're killing him!

What costume now, Boss?

The same one!

What, Boss?

Damn it!

The same one!

Is Melanie here?

Now it's Melanie!

Johnny, stop it!

Why are you here?

You followed us!

No! Her mommy sent me!

My mommy?

Yes.

Yes, I'm the Bishop's assistant in Bacolod.

Your mommy's friend.

She sent things for you.

Liar! Who'd believe you?

Tell us the truth! What do you want from Melanie?

Believe me! They're on the table.

- What are they? - Dried fish and cookies!

I'm so sorry, Father...

Blanco, Father Blanco.

Sorry, Father Blanco.

- I really thought... - Forget it. My work has many risks.

What?

Forget it.

Father, when are you returning to Bacolod?

Next month. Why?

You're staying on?

Yes.

I've got things to do.

- What things? - Things... you know.

Father, Melanie, sorry to interrupt...

...got to go now. I'm sorry again.

God be with you.

Oh dear! Look at my soutane!

Well, I'm going, too...

Thanks a lot.

Not at all, Father. It's me who should...

Who could that be?

Your boyfriend again!

- He is, isn't he? - Of course not!

Who's that? So rude!

Let's see who it is!

- Coming! - Just a moment!

Don't open it, Father!

What was that?

I tried your new cassette.

It's defective. Where'd you get it?

I didn't buy any.

- It was in your jacket. - Which jacket?

What you wore on the plane.

Cassette? In the jacket?

Looked like a new brand... Superchrome II or...

What's the problem?

Had music at the start. Then it stopped.

- The cassette? - No, the music.

Couldn't even tape over it. No sound.

What do you mean?

No sound. A blank.

A blank?

Father Blanco?

Funny how the two just ran away.

- Did you recognize them? - No, Fr. Blanco was in the way.

- I don't trust that priest. - Me, too.

But he says he knows my mommy.

- That's easy to say. - That's true.

Sir! Tip, sir?

Something similar happened in Japan. In the hotel. Right, Johnny?

The place was full of people, but they were all Japs.

Naturally!

Sir?

- We were drunk and rowdy. - Then what?

Sir?

Who'd expect anything bad to happen?

Sir? Sir?

Then the screaming started!

He's dead! He's dead!

Hurry! Hurry!

- What happened? - I don't know!

Asked for the check. I was waiting for him to pay.

Call the manager!

The manager!

Let me through!

Who's he? Let's take a look.

Okay. You first!

Why all the melon seeds?

What's on his forehead?

A seal!

Sir, it happened there! He just collapsed!

This Chinese man was stabbed... and I don't know who'll pay the bill!

You sure you don't want us to stay?

No thanks, I've had enough for tonight.

I'm sure Nancy won't mind.

No, thanks. Rose is here.

It's so dark here.

Johnny, don't scare me.

I'm not. I just want to check the place to make sure you're safe.

Mr. Roces, whatever's on your mind, just forget it.

- Nothing's on my mind. I just want to... - Johnny...

See you tomorrow. Okay?

Okay.

Glad you showered.

Are you staying?

- Nope. I'll see her tomorrow. - Good.

Rose?

Rose, is that you?

- Rose! - Melanie!

Banzai!

Boss, not the cassette we're looking for?

Idiot! You give me nothing but grief!

Boss, no high blood please. We wake up girl, okay?

Wake up! Wake up!

Boss, we wait for an hour, okay?

What do you think's going on?

I don't know. Can't figure it out.

Think Melanie's safe?

If she isn't she'll call.

How can she call if she's in trouble?

You're right.

- I'll call her. - Don't. Let her rest.

A fine mess she got herself into.

Are you scared?

No. What about you?

No.

Then why are you sleeping here?

Good morning, Melanie-San.

Take it easy. We will not hurt you.

Wagner, Japanese tea! Quick!

Yes, Boss.

Boss, here's the tea.

Here, take this Japanese tea. It's good for your stomach.

Take it easy. We will not hurt you.

We are looking for cassette tape. And we know your friend, Mr. Johnny...

...keep cassette tape. Understand?

So you call up your friend and tell him...

...bring cassette tape now! Okay?

Ouch!

Hello?

Hello, Melanie?

Someone wants you!

- Who? Are you all right? - A Jap!

- What Jap? - This bowlegged man's looking for a cassette!

What cassette?

Hello, Mr. Johnny...

Listen! We know you have cassette tape. Remember cassette tape from your jacket?

What cassette tape?

So, Mr. Johnny...

Just listen! You bring cassette tape from your jacket now. And no monkey-business...

...or else, sayonara, Melanie-San!

Nonong!

Nonong!

Nonong!

The cassette! Where's the cassette?

The one in my jacket!

- It's defective. - Where is it?

Check the tape deck.

Nong!

What color is it? What does it look like?

Melanie!

Melanie!

Please, sir! I think she's giving birth!

What did they say?

We'll take her to the hospital!

No! No hospital! Wagner!

Yes, Boss?

- Japanese tea! Quick! - Yes, Boss!

Ouch!

Take it easy.

Here's the tea, Boss.

Here, Melanie-San.

Please take Japanese tea. It's good for your stomach.

Rose, quick! Not that way!

Wagner, quick!

- Its locked! Why is it locked?! - Out of my way!

Banzai!

You bastard!

Good girl, please be quiet.

Come over here.

I'll pull out your hair!

Let me down!

Its okay! Its okay!

Oops! This way!

- It's okay, Wagner. It's okay! - Yes, Boss!

Sweet bean curd!

Sweet bean curd!

Sweet bean curd!

Sweet bean curd!

Sweet bean curd!

Sweet bean curd!

Sweet bean curd!

Miss, you okay?

Goodbye!

Boss, they get away.

You're the stupidest bodyguard on this planet!

Telephone!

- Hello? - Johnny?

Melanie?

- We haven't found it yet. - Find it! It's important! These Chinks want it!

Chinks? I thought you said Japs?

Not anymore. It's confusing.

Are you okay? Where are the Japs?

Only one Jap. The other's black.

A black Chink?

The Chink's not black!

Mister Johnny, just do as I say.

Just bring tape. Melanie not hurt.

Damn you! Don't hurt Melanie!

Damn! No cursing! Listen carefully.

Bring tape Chinese Bath.

Chinese Bath?

Chinese Bath. Fookien Palace Hotel.

7 in the evening. American time! Okay?

Nong!

What now?

Where did you put it?

It was here!

Why not ask Melody?

Melody!

What is it? Don't you know how to knock!

We're sorry.

So early! What do you want?

Did you take a cassette from Nonong's room?

- It's yellow with... - It's here.

What's the big deal?

Is this it?

Is this it?

Yes. What's next?

Take it. The music's damaged.

By the way, take a shower now. They're cutting off our water later.

Who do you think is better? Us Chinese or the Japanese?

The Japanese are lively while the Chinese are quite reserved.

So who do you think is better?

I think us Chinese are better!

I think you're quite correct!

Boss, they bring cassette tonight?

They better!

Or I cut throat girl!

Jap know where we are?

Me no care.

Tonight, cassette mine.

Bad for them.

Mahjong!

Want to order?

Want different?

What?

WHERE CASSETTE?

That good!

Where cassette?

- Where's Melanie? - Where cassette?

Where's Melanie?

Where cassette?

I'm asking where Melanie is.

Mr. Johnny, no make foolishness. Madame Lily get mad!

Okay. Let's swap.

You!

Give cassette!

Give cassette!

Bring me girl!

You be good girl.

Mind your business.

So you no hurt.

Melanie, run!

Hurry!

Nancy!

Kill them!

Damn pig!

- Nancy, quick! - Nonong! Johnny!

Melanie!

Kill them!

Hurry up!

Kill them!

- I'll save you! - I'm doomed!

Chinese say: No come near!

Chinese say: This mine!

Jap say: Damn Chinese! Invent own cassette!

Chinese say: No! Better steal!

Jap say: Shut up! Give me!

- Jap say: Shut up! Give me! - Chinese say: No give!

Damn you!

I'll go home to Bacolod.

Mommy will never believe this.

Life's nothing without thrills.

- Opportunities are few... - Stop it!

Stop trying to be smart. Doesn't suit you.

- Eat! - I'm through.

Does anybody know what to do with this?

- What's that? - A cassette.

- I know but what... - Simple!

They've got the real case...

...with the wrong tape. This is the magic cassette!

Johnny?

Don't blame me. It's Nonong's idea.

I know what! Let's take it to Santacruzan!

Right!

- Who? - A blooming rock star!

He's into a lot of things. If the rock scene is slow...

...he'll promote dinner theater.

He's a costume designer and he owns a market stall.

Two, in fact. Especially when there's plenty of catch.

- Catch? - Fish! He owns a fishing company!

We're out of gas.

Santacruzan!

The password!

Gomburza!

Greetings and salutations!

Come right in!

Cheap gimmickry!

Let's go inside.

Stand.

EVOL!

EVOL!

EVOL!

What's EVOL?

Love, Melanie, love!

EVOL!

Wait a moment. She's star material.

Could be a hot magazine cover girl.

But listen!

A heart-flutter!

Meet Santacruzan.

- Hello. - Hello.

Sorry, pals. Only soft drinks tonight.

For you, drink up!

Just got back from a show.

Didn't expect you tonight.

Something urgent we want to ask.

What's this? A consultation? Think I'm some sort of shrink?

Right, love?

Cut the crap, man!

What crap?

- What's that? - A cassette!

- Is that all? - That's the problem.

You're so right! Good but short is torture!

Hey, man, cut the shit!

This cassette's given us nothing but trouble.

It's even put our lives in danger.

We want to know what this cassette's all about!

Hey, man!

Unhand me!

This is your new trip, man?

- Why? - This is heavy stuff.

- Where'd you score this? - It's a gift.

This is quite a gift!

Your friends a big shot.

This tastes like...

This is...

What?

- Alas! - Alas?

What's alas?

My dear naive girl...

Alas is pure and unadulterated...

...opium.

What next?

What else but try it?

Right.

Yes! Never tried it before! Melanie?

Mel?

No, thanks. I don't touch the stuff.

Sorry, Johnny. That's not my trip.

I'll just wait. I'm sleepy anyway.

Where can I sleep?

In there. On my water something.

I'll go with you. Kinda tired myself.

Can't risk a bad trip.

Excuse me.

What are you doing?

It's warm.

- Give me some! - I'll be first!

Is that the waterbed?

Great, isn't it?

What's in it?

Water!

Come and lie down. Try it.

The bed follows the shape of your body.

Relaxing.

Come lie down. Try it.

- I want a bigger piece! - Mine's so small.

- Here. - Look at mine.

Wait a moment! Haven't you had dinner?

Great, isn't it?

Lie down.

Don't you want to remove your shoes?

Try to relax.

Try moving your body.

That's it.

There you go.

Melanie?

Melanie...

Melanie.

In the name of EVOL!

Receive this gift...

...and swallow it.

We may get thrown out. Look at how we're dressed.

Nothing wrong with shorts. Just go with the flow.

Life is a trip.

Don't be ashamed of your pretty legs.

I want to shower.

- Not now! The Japs are watching. - The Chinks, too!

That cassette was heavy stuff. Think I had too much.

Let's tell the cops, rather than go around scared.

Now I've got a headache.

Had too much, too?

Nong, watch it.

Just kidding.

What do we ask Father Blanco?

Don't worry. Just some indirect questions.

Like detective work. This cassette is amazing.

There's more to this than meets the eye.

There you go again. This could get worse.

Melanie's right. We should tell the police.

And get arrested? No way!

Why the interest in religion?

It's an old interest...

- What we want to say... - ...is that we want a new life.

What?

Hard to believe, Father?

Yes, it is.

Tell me the truth!

What do you really want?

Tell him the truth, Johnny.

Twice, those priests appeared.

To be exact, first at my place, then at Melanie's.

You saw them yourself, didn't you?

- We think they're part of... - Of what?

Actually, we don't know. That's why we're here.

I myself was shocked...

...when I saw those priests...

...if they are priests!

They wore soutanes of a mission order...

- ...in the Mountain Province. - Mountain Province!

Their mission area reaches Apayao.

Apayao!

But...

...they have a big mission school...

...in Baguio!

Baguio!

- Let's go to Baguio! - Let's just tell the cops.

No! Let's go now!

What about your show? You were absent last night.

There's an alternate band.

- Aren't we gonna shower first? - Do that in Baguio.

- What about clothes? - Simple! There's Santacruzan!

He's got all the costumes.

Reverend Pinoy Master...

...we're sorry to report that we don't have the cassette.

It was going fine until the Chinks meddled.

Get to the point. Tell me where they are.

We don't know where the Chinks are.

Idiot!

I'm asking about this Johnny fellow!

Hey! Onota!

I will be shamed.

Me!

Because of your stupidity!

I'm so sorry.

It's not my fault.

It's Wagner's. The idiot!

It's all his fault!

You bowlegged asshole! I know what you're saying!

I always stood by you. Idiot! I always help you.

You know... I did my best.

- You lousy Jap. Ill-mannered... - Shut up!

Stop it!

No more foolishness!

Remember this:

I give you 24 hours. No more, no less.

Or you shall feel the wrath of our Grand Master in Japan!

Onota!

No mistake!

No more mistakes.

Understand?

C'mon! C'mon!

This is too much!

You're so demure! Just go with flow.

What flow? If my friends see me dressed this way...

But why? Are you ashamed of us?

But we're in disguise.

What disguise? People stare at us...

Johnny!

- What's wrong? - The Jap!

What next?

Let's follow them.

- Their headquarters are near. - How do you know?

What else? They can't know we're here.

It's no coincidence they are here.

Our get-up's too obvious. Time to call the...

Let's change costumes!

A little finesse or we'll be noticed.

Yes, Father.

Isn't that their jeep?

Johnny, I'm nervous.

Too late, sweetheart. Point of no return.

What are you saying? Let's call the police.

- Help! Police! - Hey, cut it out!

Be quiet!

That's the gate.

Let's go in.

Hey, watch it!

What next?

Well?

Good afternoon, sister.

- Shall we go in? - Think anybody's home?

- Let's find out. - Okay. You go first.

Johnny...

Stop following us around. Go sit down!

Why should we?

Sit down while we check the place.

- The dress was just my size! - Did you buy it?

Of course!

Who are they?

Nancy...

- Keep on praying. - Hail Mary, Full of grace...

...don't know what I'm praying. I'm so scared!

- Let's report this. - Okay.

- Melanie. - Nancy.

Melanie,

I'll follow those two. Nong, stay here.

- Good afternoon. - Good afternoon.

I'm Father Blanco.

May I know who your chaplain is?

Chaplain? Do we have one?

You mean Father Master?

Father Master?

Hide! Quick, they're coming!

- Who? - Where can we hide?

Where can we hide?

In there!

Wait for me!

Me first! Me first!

Hey!

Where'd they go?

- What's wrong? - Nothing, Father.

- Go inside. - Where?

Inside the sacristy.

Are Father Master and Mother Superior inside?

Yes, they are.

Thank you.

- Who was that? - Father Blanco's here.

Father Blanco?

Father Blanco!

I knew we couldn't trust that priest.

We'll follow Father Blanco.

And we'll follow the two nuns.

What do we do now? Those real nuns might discover our secret.

Did you hear that? Is someone following us?

- I didn't hear anything. - C'mon.

- Shouldn't we report the two nuns? - But they disappeared.

But Mother Superior must be told.

What about the priest?

Don't worry. He's in the sacristy.

- Menstrual underwear? - Stop that!

- Someone was following us. - You're imagining things.

These nuns have good food.

They just disappeared like ghosts.

Ghosts are not half as scary as Mother Superior!

You mean Miss Piggy!

But you must believe us. There were two nuns.

Must be the same ones we saw outside the chapel.

- How did they look? - The priests were cute!

Priests!

Yes. So handsome! One had a moustache!

And the other one?

He had sex appeal!

Oh! I can just die!

Gosh! Look at these!

What are they?

- These are technical drawings! - So?

Nancy, were you absent when God was giving out brains?

I mean, what are such things doing in a place like this?

So?

A radio transmitter!

So?

He's my type!

Hey!

Such flirts!

You forget it's time for the Angelus!

Sorry, Mother.

♪ Lord, give us Bread ♪

♪ Bread for us to eat each day ♪

♪ Lord, give us... give us... ♪

♪ Lord, give us our daily Bread ♪

♪ Lord, we accept Thy Bread ♪

♪ Bread that nourishes our life ♪

♪ Our life... our life... Is what we offer Thee ♪

♪ To become worthy of Thy Bread ♪

♪ Lord, give us... give us... ♪

♪ ...give us our daily Bread ♪

♪ Give us... give us... give us Bread! ♪

♪ Give us... give us... give us Bread! ♪

♪ Give us... give us... give us Bread! ♪

♪ Give us... give us... give us Bread! ♪

♪ Give us... give us... give us Bread! ♪

♪ Give us... give us... give us Bread! ♪

♪ Give us... give us... give us Bread! ♪

♪ Give us... ♪

Esther.

Watch them.

Continue!

♪ Give us... give us... give us Bread! ♪

♪ Give us... give us... give us Bread! ♪

Look at this seal! I've seen it before!

Wait... isn't that the...?

Yes!

Well, the plot thickens.

How does Father Blanco fit in?

Where'd he go, anyway? He entered through that...

Very good, Wagner-San.

You're my number one friend.

Now Pinoy Master will be very happy!

- Where are you taking us? - Shut up and get in!

- Where? - The closet! Quick!

- The closet? - Yes! Quick!

Now you must call the cops.

And you?

I'll follow them. Go now.

Go!

- What happened? - They caught two intruders!

Yeah, I picked it up on the radio.

- They interrupted our prayers. - A fake priest and nun!

They had the cassette the Boss has been looking for.

A royal celebration tonight!

At last! We'll recoup our investment!

- Hey, Esther. - Phony Sister Esther.

Too bad for Mr. Moustache!

- A drinking binge tonight! - And I'll get the bell!

♪ Let's all go boozing tonight! The cassette is back! ♪

Your name?

Nancy! How many times must I say it?

Sister Nancy?

I told you I'm not a nun!

I'm a singer!

You know what? I don't trust this girl.

- Me neither. - What are you talking about?

Will you help me or not? My friends are in danger.

- If anything happens... - She's crazy. Look at her.

Must have escaped from a mental hospital.

If she's a nun, then I'm a priest!

At last, we meet again.

Hey, Miss! Where are you going? We're not finished.

- I don't care! - Come back!

Let me go!

I'll report you to the Cardinal, to my parents...

...to the President, the First Lady, to God!

Okay, Mr. Wiseguy...

...give me cassette so no trouble.

Why no speak? Give me cassette! Quick!

Me no have cassette.

You no manners! See this gun? Fire easy!

Straight to eyes. You dead quick.

She's not kidding.

- What you mumble? - Nothing, ma'am.

The truth is, Mrs.?

Lily, Madame Lily!

Madame Lily, I don't have the cassette.

- It's with my friend, Johnny. - Where Johnny?

The Japs took him to a place underground.

Me you fooling!

No fool you!

Search him!

They took this elevator.

How this open? How this open!

- Magic, ma'am. - What magic?

Me you fool!

I'll show you, ma'am. Move over, handsome.

Look! There's something red there! Looks amazing!

Go in!

Quiet!

Damn! I can't open the door!

Sergeant!

I beg of you! Please believe me!

Are you telling the truth?

Yes! Please believe me!

And if you're not?

Then lock me up again!

That a promise?

♪ Look up and pray! Worship our Greatness! ♪

♪ With this Great Experiment will we be blessed ♪

♪ Noble Master! We're at your bidding ♪

♪ To suffer and struggle for the Cause ♪

♪ The Experiment's success is our Pride and Joy ♪

♪ Banzai! ♪

♪ Behold this humble cassette ♪

♪ The expression of our genius ♪

♪ The reason we are gathered here tonight ♪

♪ Is to worship and patronize the Great Japanese Technology ♪

♪ Hail to the Great Japanese Technology! ♪

♪ Japs! Japs! I'm sick of Japs! ♪

♪ Hey, Master! Don't you know the Chinese are better? ♪

♪ We'll overtake you! Your experiments stinks! ♪

♪ It stinks! ♪

♪ Madame Chink! What gall to ridicule me! ♪

♪ Kneel before me and beg for mercy! ♪

♪ Kneel! You Chink! Kneel! ♪

♪ Kneel to you? Spare my knees! ♪

♪ You don't know who you're dealing with ♪

♪ Beware, woman! Watch your tongue! ♪

♪ Just look at this beautiful machine ♪

♪ Top of the line! Brought in tax-free! ♪

♪ I was once a beggar from Gapan ♪

♪ Now I'm a top dealer for the Grand Master in Japan ♪

♪ Give me your attention ♪

♪ Let's all relish this moment of triumph ♪

♪ A unique project to stun the world ♪

♪ Incredible but true ♪

♪ Incredible but true ♪

♪ Incredible but true ♪

♪ Long live the Yakuza! Long live the Yakuza! ♪

♪ To Victory! To Glory! Banzai! ♪

♪ A day of triumph not just for us ♪

♪ But especially for our Grand Master in Japan ♪

♪ A day of triumph not just for us ♪

♪ But especially for our Grand Master in Japan ♪

♪ Wave the flag! Raise your hands! ♪

♪ In one voice we shout: Banzai! ♪

♪ Banzai! ♪

♪ Banzai! ♪

♪ I was just a lowly beggar ♪

♪ Spit upon, oppressed, and exploited ♪

♪ Ma's a smuggler, Pa's a straggler. That's how it began ♪

♪ A war casualty. Forsaken by Fate ♪

♪ Being a half-breed's nothing to be ashamed of ♪

♪ Especially with Japanese blood in my veins ♪

♪ Banzai! Banzai! ♪

♪ Lies! Nothing but lies! ♪

♪ Always the Japs! I'm sick of Japs! ♪

♪ If Japan so great, why not build factory there? ♪

♪ Know your business! Labor's cheap here! ♪

♪ Look at them closely ♪

♪ Fake nuns and priests ♪

♪ But they're my labor force ♪

♪ As well as my authorized dealers! ♪

♪ Our disguise is ingenious ♪

♪ To the people we're nuns and priests ♪

♪ Wave the flag! Blast the enemy! ♪

♪ Let's have a bash! Banzai! ♪

♪ Banzai! ♪

♪ Watch the magic powder pour ♪

♪ No more shortage A constant supply ♪

♪ Add some sugar and a little flour ♪

♪ Set to bake. Serve fresh! ♪

♪ The freshest bread's the result ♪

♪ But not just bread, but Holy Wafer ♪

♪ Wave the flag! Raise the hands! ♪

♪ It's the Super-Wafer It's the Super... ♪

♪ Super-Bread! ♪

♪ Lord, give us... give us... ♪

♪ Lord, give us Bread ♪

♪ Lord, give us... give us... ♪

♪ Lord, give us Bread ♪

♪ Lord, give us... give us... ♪

♪ Lord, give us Bread ♪

At last! Our Grand Plan will be realized!

Fill the churches with fake nuns and priests...

...and hold the islands by repression.

The children taking communion...

...will all be addicted to our Super-Wafer.

When they grow up...

...and can't say no to our communion...

...whatever is decreed...

...they must say yes to the Grand Master in Japan!

At last! An entire country hooked on alas!

The Philippines under our control!

Long live!

Banzai!

Banzai!

Nobody move! Hands up!

Go!

For the Philippines!

For Japan!

For the Philippines!

For the Philippines!

For Japan!

For the Philippines!

For Japan!

For the Philippines!

For Japan!

From a lowly beggar in Gapan...

...to an authorized dealer of the Grand Master in Japan.

A true samurai...

...will never surrender to the enemy!

A year in prison for Sonia de la Cruz alias Mother Superior...

...for being a mere accomplice.

Spent time in the Women's Correctional and is now a novice...

...in a convent in Lipa.

Eutiquiano Awitin, alias Wagner...

...was sentenced to 100 years and 5 days.

He appealed to the Supreme Court. Sentence was reduced by...

...5 days.

Ching Chao Kee, alias Madame Lily...

...was caught. She escaped...

...was caught. She escaped...

Rumor has it, she appears on TV

...and has become a movie producer.

Makayashi Onota alias Onota-San...

...was deported to Japan.

Rumors are that he has returned to the Philippines.

Whoever sees this criminal, please report it to us.

The Grand Master had an attack of asthma...

...and died.

Go in Peace.

By the way, Father...

...why did you follow us to Baguio?

Just trust in the Lord.

Cut!

- THE END! - That's a wrap!