Original subtitles

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, unh ♪

♪ We don't got nothing in common, I swear ♪

Junior: You know what the worst part of school is?

School.

Tests, quizzes, midterms.

All of it can be so stressful that the only thing

that you're looking forward to is being finished.

♪ Y'all better know that he bad ♪

[Bleep], I need that for finals.

♪

As for me, balancing my midterms

and my day-trading is nothing in comparison

to the awkwardness of my current roommate situation.

I feel like Grace thinks I'm less of a person than she is.

Come on, Zaara.

You know that I wouldn't be with someone who believes that.

Cool. So, you're breaking up with her?

No.

Needless to say, everything going on

has put a lot of us on edge.

Hey, Kiela, is the dining hall

gonna be open over the long weekend?

Read the handbook, Cameron, and get out of my face!

Cool. Yeah. Thanks.

God.

Okay, that was satisfying, but, like, I hate being an RA.

You know, I'm so sick of dealing

with all of these King Hall brats.

After this and midterms, I'm gonna need to sleep

for, like, 15 hours, I swear.

Yeah, I mean, I'm just grateful for the two works

that have been getting me through all of my tests--

multiple choice.

Oh, shit, [bleep], damn it, shit, [bleep],

bitch, [bleep], oh, my God, with a [bleep] [bleep] on top.

Mother-[bleep], [bleep], [bleep].

What's wrong?

I got a C.

Okay, well, you know what they say.

Cs get degrees.

Maybe for an accountant.

But for pre-med, a C is gonna send me

right to med school overseas.

The closest I'm gonna get to Harvard is a Boston cream pie.

Well, sounds like you need to join me on a much deserved trip.

Mm.

Shrooms, anyone?

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'mma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪ ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart beating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪

Aren't shrooms illegal?

So is keying your cheating ex's car,

but that doesn't mean it's wrong.

So, you feel that comfortable to pull out drugs

in front of an RA? Wow.

It says here that the side effects are heart attacks,

nausea, muscle weakness,

and possible death from overdose.

Now I see why these are so popular.

I take it you've never done them before?

Yeah, I don't rock with hallucinogens.

This one time, I took too much cough syrup,

and then I dreamed that these things

called the Teletubbies existed.

We were frolicking on this green hill and the sun was a baby.

Wow.

Look who's too conservative to give it a try.

Exactly.

Okay, sorry that I care about what I put in my body. My bad.

Lauryn: Well, you know, mushrooms are all-natural.

When they gave it to ants, they went all the way

to the highest point of their colony

and exploded themselves

just to spread throughout their community.

That's disgusting.

In humans, it only exploded their heads.

Metaphorically.

You're not selling this.

Well, I like ants.

They work hard and respect their queen.

Wait, what about the football team?

Isn't that, like, against the code of conduct?

No.

I mean, we can't do heroin, or meth,

or weed or coke or horse tranquilizer,

but, I mean, shrooms are-- they're all clear.

Okay.

Okay, well, I would love to join you guys, but guess what?

I'm on duty.

I will, however, make sure you guys have a safe trip

and maybe get high by osmosis.

So, we're gonna celebrate finishing midterms

by plumbing the depths of our subconscious

and awakening God knows what?

- Yes. - Yep.

Naw, I'm good.

If I want to see haunting visions,

I will look into the mirror and say "Candyman" three times.

The only thing I get high on is caffeine.

Oh, and weed.

♪

And codeine, but that was just once

because I had my wisdom teeth removed,

and I had a doctor's note.

Gosh, you're not gonna turn into Pete Davidson from one shroom.

Believe it or not, I know my body,

and I know that this is not gonna sit well with it.

Junior, you deserve to let go.

Maybe this'll lead to you answering

the great questions of life.

Or maybe you'll just feel really good for 40 minutes.

♪

- Yo. - Yo, what's up?

What's good, dog?

I thought midterms as a student were rough,

but having to read the garbage people spit out at 4:00 AM?

My God. It's ridiculous. It's unbelievable.

One student plagiarized a paper so bad,

he put James Baldwin as his name.

Bro, no one who's out of school

wants to hear stories about being in school.

That's like listening to someone describing their dreams.

Oh, I had this anxiety dream last night--

My brother... It doesn't make-- Yeah.

...why don't you speak to your fellow professors about this?

Well, no. Those are the "professor" professor types.

I am the rebellious type, you hear me?

The younger, Blacker, still get mistaken for a student.

You like-- You like Deepak meets Tupac?

Exactly. Okay, well, whether you Cornell West or Kanye West,

y'all are all adults wearing backpacks.

Peace.

That's coming out of your tip.

It is. Professor Jackson.

Hey.

You know, I was starting to think

that I had the wrong e-mail address.

Oh, no, no, you have the right one.

I've gotten all your Wine Down Wednesday, um, invites.

It's just that that happens to land

on the same night as my chiropractor.

Oh. Yeah.

Really gets the deep tissue going.

Right. Why don't you come join us, huh?

We're all finished with our midterms

and we only have one rule in the faculty--

No dating students?

Yeah, we got two rules in the faculty.

Oh, okay.

The other one being-- no professor celebrates alone.

Just one drink. Well, I'm-- I'm not alone.

I got my beer and my pretzels-- You're completely alone.

You ran off the bartender. Okay.

Come on. Alright.

You can try to say no to me, but you can't say no to karaoke.

Ah.

Are you familiar with the song "My Humps"?

Oh, you will be.

Please no. [ Laughs ]

Yes, you will be.

♪

Look, I'm not much of a drug person,

but I am susceptible to peer pressure.

And maybe Annika's right.

Maybe loosening up and finding what lies beneath

is what I need.

♪

Y'all got room for one more?

Yay. You came!

You made the right choice.

♪ We just wanna have fun, have fun, have fun ♪

Hmm. What's the worst that can happen?

Other than literally every terrible thing

you've heard happen to people while they've been on drugs.

♪

We taken-- uh, dropped?--

mushrooms, and sure,

they tasted like my uncle's trailer,

but they promised to open me up to life's bigger questions.

Guys, is that trash can real?

Can you stop asking if things are real?

[ Sighs ] Okay. I'm sorry.

I just-- I don't feel it yet.

Guys, shrooms are not cocaine.

You can't just rub them on your gums

and immediately feel like Charlie Sheen.

So, when does this ride start?

Yeah, I'm ready to play tennis with Andre The Giant's ghost,

or whatever happens on this stuff.

Alright, everyone, relax.

The shaman on TikTok said you won't get the trip you want,

but you'll get the trip you need.

Mm. Yeah, well, I haven't quite taken off,

but I'm definitely taxi-ing on the runway.

- Ooh. - Yes.

This butterfly's speaking Spanish.

Hola.

Como estas?

Oh, no, it's Portuguese.

[ Speaking Portuguese ], butterfly?

Great. So, everybody's on their trip,

but m-- me.

♪

[ Chuckles ]

♪

Woman: ♪ You are so beautiful ♪

Both: ♪ To me ♪ [ Applause ]

[ Cheers ]

This is worse than SantaCon.

Oh, thanks, guys.

Man: Thank you.

Why don't you get up there?

Me? Oh, naw. I probably should get going. It's getting late.

Oh, what, are you gonna tell me you got more papers to grade?

No, I do not, and thank God,

because if I have to read another thesis statement

that starts with "Throughout human history..."

Or "The dictionary defines..."

[ Chuckles ] Alright, you know what?

I'll make a deal with you.

I will tell you about the student

who pretended to be Irish in order to sound smarter,

if you stay for another drink.

Okay, this-- this I gotta hear. Alright.

Irish? Yes, sir.

What? I promise you.

♪

Whoa.

Is it just the one, or...?

♪

Nope.

It's both.

I see all my ancestors.

A lot of white people.

Don't worry, babe. I'm doing good.

I'm right here with you.

♪

Wait. Coach?

♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

NCAA needs to ban shrooms.

♪

I'm here with Zeke Bracey, 12 time league MVP,

hands down the greatest football player of all time.

[ Distorted ] Zeke, the real question is,

how are you gonna handle the challenge of life

without football?

What?

Yeah, it's gonna be really hard for you to keep playing,

especially now that you have lizard legs.

♪

[ Gasps ]

Aah!

[ Laughter ]

Stop it! Stop!

No!

[ Laughter ]

No, no! No, no!

Aah!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay. It's okay. You're fine.

Oh, gosh.

♪

So, is anyone closer to their destination yet?

I'm feeling a little bit of serendipity.

Yeah.

Me, too.

♪

I'm actually a doctor?

You're a surgeon.

[ Machine beeping steadily ]

♪

You're prioritizing the wrong things,

and now we're bleeding out!

[ Machine flat lines ]

Uh, charging 300!

Clear!

Aah!

I'm losing me!

Don't die on me, damn it! Don't die, don't die.

So, everybody's tripping but me.

This is bullshit.

Both: ♪ Hey, shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Let me do the harmony.

♪ Shake it ♪

♪ Show 'em how you do it now ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Shake it ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Come on. Whoo!

Goodnight, LA!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Whoo! Man. That was amazing.

Listen, that was incredible the way you came

in just at the right time.

Well, I was just returning what you were giving me.

If you're really interested in becoming more involved

in your department,

we're gonna lose Professor Peterson to maternity leave.

We could use an interim chair.

A chair?

Me?

Why not?

You're young, you're energetic, you're smart.

The students love you.

You'd be a breath of fresh air.

I don't know, man.

Okay, listen, um, do me a favor,

before you say no, just do a couple more songs.

I can do that. Okay.

Bet. Alright. Uh-oh.

Cathy's got that look in that eye.

What? She's gonna try Whitney.

Cathy! Uh-uh-uh, Cathy, don't you dare.

♪

Oh, wow.

That's something new.

Okay. Alright. Yep. Uh, this is it.

This is the moment.

You've got this.

[ Exhales sharply ]

What is the meaning of life?

Mm. Okay. Yeah, I'm-- I'm sorry for coming in hot.

Can you just make sure that my future son

is not cooler than me?

What am I doing? You're not a genie.

[ Chuckles ]

Maybe this isn't for me.

Maybe this is for you.

You know what, buddy?

I know that growing up is going to be weird

and it's gonna be confusing, and right now,

you probably have erotic feelings for Helen Mirren.

Those don't go away.

That's totally okay.

It's all totally okay,

and I know that you're going to make a bunch of mistakes.

But in the end...

it's all gonna be fine.

♪

[ Laughs ]

So, is everyone-- everyone with us, or...

Yep.

I have never been so grateful to be back

in the crushing monotony of our meaningless existence.

So, what did we learn?

Absolutely nothing.

All I got was cottonmouth and a half a dozen bug bites.

Lauryn: Well, the shrooms were awesome for me.

I was so high, I was patty-caking with Jesus.

Wow.

Yeah, so, you-- you didn't take them, did you?

I did not.

It's just that D.A.R.E. really worked for me.

It wasn't just a club. It was a lifestyle.

Hmm. Anybody get stopped by customs after their trip?

Bro, I got detained. I'm never doing shrooms again.

But when I have a nightmare, I will go to sleep

and contend with my night terrors.

Wait, it was that bad?

Yeah, I just-- I don't know if I'm ready to think

about who I am without football.

Who'd care about me, you know?

Junior: We would.

You're more than a football player to us.

- Yeah. - Especially to me.

The Zeke I know is great at Scrabble

and the ideal big spoon.

Also, you're a great friend who loves Pizza Fridays

and videos of trampoline accidents.

That I do.

Yeah, and you're my frat brother and my beer pong partner

and the guy currently holding the third spot

at my wedding party.

Aw, man.

I've never been in a wedding party before.

Yeah, man.

You're my dude.

Well, on my trip, I communed with my younger self.

You know, when I was younger,

I feel like I was

so scared of everything,

but it's not the case anymore,

and I feel like that's all thanks to you guys.

Mm. You guys are my crew,

and my crew were the only people

who made me feel safe enough to trip with.

Aww. [ Chuckles ]

Well, I, uh-- I wish I had that revelation,

but I'm always just too busy.

You don't have to be, though.

I know you think you're the responsible one,

but you're also an activist, a volunteer,

and someone whose friends can always rely on her.

You've done plenty.

Yeah, I think you can let something go.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but the TikTok shaman was right.

You don't get the trip you want.

You get the trip you need.

Except for me. I didn't get shit.

Sorry.

♪ Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show me how you do it now ♪

Hold on, hold on.

This is on the house

if you never sing that again in your life.

Okay, I'm sorry, dude. I just--

I didn't realize how much I needed this, you know?

What? A night out?

No. A connection, man.

I love-- I love being a professor.

It's my calling. It's my heart.

And lately, I felt myself holding back from associating

with the only people that love the job the way that I do.

These people. And you know what?

I've been hesitating by putting roots down here.

No more. It's about to change.

Professor Jackson, are you not complaining

about Cal U for once?

I believe tonight, my dear boy, Douglas, I'm not.

Carnegie! Sign me up!

♪ Unh, shake my groove thing ♪

♪ Shake my groove thing, yeah, yeah ♪

Whoo!

Oh. Hey.

I didn't know you'd be here.

If you want, I can leave.

No, don't bother. I'm just leaving.

Hey, Zaara, can you just hold and listen for one second?

I know that things have been weird,

but I just feel like we need to figure out a way to talk.

You're my friend, and I just don't want this

Grace thing to be throwing us off.

Junior, I'm dealing with much bigger issues

than you feeling uncomfortable being in the same room as me.

That trip hit me hard, and I'm thinking way too hard about

Yaz and not my priorities,

and I got a C for the first time in my entire life.

I know you thought we were gonna hug souls on the astral plane,

but this is real life, and right now,

real life just really sucks.

♪

[ Door slams ]

♪

So, we got through midterms, and we got through mushrooms,

and we learned a lot from both.

♪ Out of sight ♪

We learned who our friends are.

We learned wheat's really important.

Kiela! There you are.

I wanted to get a head start on RA planning for next year.

Oh. Um, actually, you know what?

I don't think I can do this job another year.

Wait, what?

I just-- I need my freedom more.

♪ Don't make me wait ♪

♪ Why don't you come on over? ♪

And we learned that lesson whether we wanted to or not.

But it's just not working.

I-I thought things were good.

I'm sorry. I lost my focus,

and I need to get back to the reasons why I'm here.

That means no more distractions.

Distractions?

♪ I hope you dream of me ♪

♪ 'Cause I see you in my dreams ♪

♪ In my dreams ♪

Zaara, are you okay? [ Sighs ]

No. I'm not okay.

♪

Do you want me to leave?

[ Sniffles ] No.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪

Sometimes, the hardest thing is getting what you need.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Shake your grove thing, shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I'm shaking', I'm shakin'.

Ow! ♪ Show me how you do it now ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing ♪

Both: ♪ Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah ♪

Whoo! ♪ Show me how you do it now ♪

Excuse me, sir?

Yeah. Hey, buddy.

I get the verses and the chorus.

You just-- You get the bridge.

I'm sorry, dog.

I'm up here, I'm feeling like Ginuwine right now.

It's just coming out of me. The spirit of hip--

Do we have any Ginuwine?

Okay, now-- now I see why Zayn did what he did.

Um, this is why I work solo.

♪ Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah ♪

Oh!